I Found Out After Ex-Girlfriend Passed Away That We Had a Child

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now this story comes from Throwaway Clueless from the Relationship Advice subreddit and the True Off My Chest subreddit as well.

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_00] I just want to give you a trigger warning before we do get into the story that there is talk of death during childbirth. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. Saying my ex-girlfriend passed. Her family barely contacts me that she had a baby. There is no doubt her son is 100% mine because we had a paternity test done just to be sure.

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_00] Anyways, I-27 male barely found this out weeks ago. Only reason we broke up is because I had to move back across the country last year to help my family after my dad died from COVID. I didn't want to do the long distance since I was going to stay there working for a bit. She never told me anything. Her mum says she didn't want me to worry about her all the way over there when my dad's family needed me more. And she was going to tell me as soon as I was back.

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00] I moved back like a month ago. Only now I'm finding out not only that I lost her. They said there was complications when she gave birth. But we have a baby boy. Feeling a mix of stuff. And worst part is I can't talk to her about because I wish she had told me. Her mum says they've barely been managing with him. They need help with him so that's why she reached out to me once they learned I was back. Of course he's mine. That's my responsibility. Still, it's hard not to panic.

[00:01:51] [SPEAKER_00] I'm still in shock about her death. Now I've got a son I need to take care of. Didn't even get to be a part of the first two months of his life. My family doesn't know about him yet. Hell, I still haven't met him yet. Her mum's only sent me pics. He's beautiful. I don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm scared, sad and pissed off for some reason.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00] I'm nervous as fuck about meeting him or how this is going to go. Her parents will be around to help but I know he'll be with me full time for the most part. Really, any advice I'll really appreciate. From new parents or anyone honestly. What the hell do I do about all these new changes?

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00] Evil Lurker says to the OP, Are you listed on the birth certificate? If you aren't, you have no responsibilities. You have no rights either. It could be very dangerous for you to take over the care of this child if you are not listed as a parent. Anyway, it sounds like a mess but you can do it. Lots of single mums in the world do it all the time. I don't know where you're located but there are all kinds of resources for new parents, single parents, etc. One of the best places to start is at the pediatricians.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00] Good luck. OP says, Not yet but we're going to look into getting that taken care of. Her parents want to help out but can't have him full time anymore. What does it matter? says, Ugh, I'm so sorry. Congrats on your son and being a new dad but also I'm sorry for your losses. Your dad and ex-girlfriend. I can't imagine what you're going through. OP says, It's been a lot. Barely I've gotten by accepting my dad's death and now here we are. We might have been broken up but it was always with a chance of getting back together when I got back.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_00] It's crushed me. And with all this, our son. He's so beautiful and I wish I was there from the beginning so at least maybe there was some time to process and get ready for it. OP replied to another commenter saying, We already did a paternity test. He's my son. I already said that in my post. Also, unless she was cheating on me which she wasn't since he's biologically mine, there's no way he isn't since timelines match up. I'm not going into the full details of her death here. Out of respect for her and her family.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_00] So, it was about a month later that OP did come in with an update and says, All the info and advice you guys gave in my original post meant a lot to me so thanks for that. Some of you wanted an update. What can I say? Shit's been chaotic. Finally met my son and there was just a truckload of emotions hitting me all at once. I wasn't expecting it. My ex's mom had to take him for a minute because I was literally sobbing. It wasn't because I didn't want to be his dad or anything.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00] It's one of those moments where everything hits you at once and only thing you can do is cry. She understood it though and she cried with me. She's a sweet lady. One of those ladies that treats everyone like her child because of how caring she is. My son has my ex's nose in the shape of her eyes. That's what hit me more. Just because we broke up for the meantime while I was at my dad's didn't mean I stopped being in love with her. And now we have a baby together. Only she won't get to be here to share that family experience.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00] And I miss her so much. Got to hold my son. Introduced myself to him. Me and her mom talked about the custody stuff. Already got a lawyer for that to make the process easier. So everyone's on the same page. They let me stay over. Talked more about my ex and had a few beers with their dad. I stayed at their house a few days because honestly I was still terrified of being left alone with my son because I had no clue what the hell to do with him. They were both really kind and patient about showing me how to change his diapers. Feedings.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00] How to give him a bath. Rock him to sleep. How to install the damn fucking car seat in my car without throwing it on the floor. Her parents were nice enough to let me spend the night so every time he woke up I'd be there to watch her. How she does everything. Then I started doing it. He's been with me almost two weeks at my place. Got mostly all his stuff with me. Looking for a two bedroom but for now he's sleeping in his bassinet in my room. It's been really hard. Especially the first night.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00] I probably called her mum like five times within two hours because he would not stop crying. Then his pediatrician because I'm freaking out something might be wrong with him. Calming him down whenever he got fussy was my weak spot. Nothing I tried was working. Seeing him to sleep seemed to help a lot. Walking around my apartment and rocking him non-stop. It's still not easy. At least now I'm feeling more confident that I can handle the crying and not freak out enough to call for help.

[00:06:21] [SPEAKER_00] Taking time off work again so I'm here with him full time. I'm tired, stressed, still got a lot going on emotionally. But I'm also just happy when I'm holding him or making him smile. Honestly, the little stuff he does. Even his cute little sneezes makes me love him even more. Seems like he's starting to like me too. Almost everyone in my family has met him on Zoom. My mum comes over to see him. She's offering to do babysitting once I go back to work in another few months.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00] So that's one less thing to worry about. I just wish my dad would have had the chance to meet him. I know they would have been best friends and he'd definitely spoil my son so much. And it's like my ex knew that too. So I didn't know this until her parents gave me his birth certificate. But my ex wanted his middle name to be my dad. So that was a nice surprise for me. But he's got his grandpa's name too. I'm slowly adjusting to this new life. Not easy. He makes it worth it.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_00] I want to be his dad and give him the best I can. The way my dad did with me. Taylor says, you're doing great. When my daughter was a baby, I called my mum in tears at 3am. Because she wouldn't sleep. And I couldn't figure out why. I felt like such a failure. But it's totally normal and everyone goes through it. You're not alone. Opie says, oh yeah. That was being my first night alone with him. And then it was over something small. My ex's mum asked, did you burp him?

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00] And I felt like such a shitty dad. Okay breakfast says, I'm in tears. So proud of you. And so moved by your story. Your in-laws sound wonderful. As does your mum. I'm sorry for the loss of your ex and of your dad. She sounds like she was a wonderful woman who fully believed you would all be a family together. She clearly believed in you. I truly hope that when you get to the point where you can find love again, your future partner understands that your son's mum will always be a part of your family.

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_00] And the same for her parents. Good luck. And enjoy the journey. It'll be grown up before you know it. So savor every moment. Opie replied saying she was the best. Always made me laugh. Super caring and supportive. I can only imagine what an amazing mum she would have been to our son. I think part of me is always going to love her no matter what. Right now everything is still fresh. Thank you. I'm really glad to have all this time with him so we can really bond.

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_00] I haven't smiled so much than when we were playing together or just being silly. Just Reading says, not sure what kind of job and slash or benefits you have, but you should check in to getting paternity leave. Many places have extended benefits to people who have adopted a child, etc. Or even qualify for bereavement leave. Your situation is unique. So talk to HR or look over your benefits. Opie says, yeah, I've spoken to my boss about this and gotten all the paperwork taken care of.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_00] He was really understanding and made the process a lot quicker. So right now I'm on paternity leave. Not sure yet if I'll go back once that's up. Still have my annual leave to use and I enjoy being home with him. Also going to be looking to see if there's survivors benefits for him. I make enough that we'll be fine on our own, but you never know for rainy days or school for him. Lariat says to Opie, you're rocking it dad. Congrats on your little man. And never feel bad about calling the doc or nurse or grandma. They want to help.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_00] I remember those first few months. Yikes. It gets easier, I promise. And it sounds like you have a good support system, which is so important. Make sure you get as much rest as possible. Opie says, thanks. I don't know what I'd do without all this support. I'm grateful for her parents. My mom and the pediatrician are so understanding. My mom came over on Thursday to watch little man. Told her I was going to catch a quick cat nap. Ended up sleeping for three hours. But she says she didn't mind.

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00] She remembers those days. And one more comment which says, there is nothing like holding a sleeping baby in your arms and watching their little contented face. And you're right. It's all the giggles and sneezes. All the little things that makes it all so special. You will learn what you need to do to be a great dad. You're already well on your way. Good luck. Opie says the first time he fell asleep on my chest, I wanted to cry. But also didn't want to wake him up after 40 minutes of wrestling with him to take his nap.

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_00] I enjoy those moments a lot. Thanks. So it was eight months after that that Opie came in with their final update. Which was titled, My son's first birthday yesterday. And the anniversary of his mom's passing. Made it my first year as a parent. I'm so happy how far we've come. He's gone so big already, I really can't believe it. But it was definitely bittersweet. His grandparents were there, so was my family having a little barbecue together.

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_00] It hit me when I was taking pics of him stuffing his face in cupcakes. I wish she'd been there celebrating with us. I wish she could kiss his cheek covered in frosting with me and being all proud that we made it through our first year. Her mom felt it too, I know, because she also needed a moment inside. He still had a good day. Didn't fight his naps during the day and was knocked out before it was his bedtime. Again, when I was watching him sleeping, it made me wish she was there with me.

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_00] This has been the best year of my life being a dad. It still was lonely without her. I miss you so much. Bloody hell, there's bloody onion ninjas around again. The commenter says to OP, Sending lots of love to you and your family. I know how hard it is because you're experiencing all these emotions over and over. She sees what you're doing, probably with a big smile, proud of how you're raising him.

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_00] He's too young for it now, but we have a tradition in our family to make sure my husband is still a part of celebrations. My girls will write notes to him, usually about their favorite parts of their year, and we put them in balloons and release them so they still feel connected to him. I try to always have a new story when they ask about him, which happens often since they were pretty young when it happened. We also have a seat open for him. I know it sounds crazy, extreme lol.

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_00] You could always have a bear made for him, using her clothes if you still have them, so he always had a little piece of her. You're doing a great job and it doesn't go unnoticed. OP replied saying, thank you for sharing and I'm deeply sorry for you and your kid's loss. It's been really tough. Talking about her to him is something I do a lot when we're just chilling. I want him to know everything about her and how much she loved him because she was the sweetest person in the world.

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_00] That would be something I'd like to do in the future when he's older, so thanks for suggesting. Her mum made a quilt for him with pics of her throughout pregnancy and even the ultrasound of him. It's a piece of her he can have as a memento. I cried for like 10 minutes when she showed it to me. It's so beautiful. Liv Stan says, well done my friend. Well done. You're doing it. Keep going. It gets easier. I bet that kid is seriously loved.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00] OP says, he's the light of my life and I make sure he knows it every day. She might not be here but my family and hers do everything to shower him with all the love we can give. And one more comment from Stephanie who says, ah, she was there. Us mums never leave our kids or husbands alone for long. You kissed one cheek but she kissed the other. And he didn't fight his naps because his mum was there. She was there with you too. She watched him sleep and she watched you watch him sleep. You're doing just fine.

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_00] So proud of you and I don't even know you. But I'm proud of you too. You got this. And if you ever feel like you don't, just remember she's right behind you. You can't see her anymore. But I promise she's there. OP just replied to him, wow, thank you. I really needed this. Sometimes it's hard not to feel so alone wishing she could see this beautiful kid grow up. He's got such a personality already. It makes me hurt when I think about how much you would love to see him in those moments and for him to laugh with her too when we're being silly.

[00:14:21] [SPEAKER_00] But you're right. She is. Bloody hell, that had me going in some moments. Had me in absolute bits in some places that I was having to pause recording it. You know, he's been through an absolute lot with dealing with his dad's death and then his ex's death at the same time. Oh, just absolutely brutal. And then finding out you have a child after all this.

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_00] Can't imagine all the thoughts, feelings, emotions he was dealing with in those moments, the quiet moments when he's alone at the same time and whilst trying to learn how to care for a baby. It's wild. However, at the same time, there was some commenters raising some pretty uncomfortable questions. Why wasn't he told about the funeral? That they only reached out when they couldn't manage anymore? Like was it by girlfriend's request that they wait to a certain time to tell him? Or would they have told him if they could have handled it alone?

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_00] So there was those questions flying about. But it seems the grandparents do love the kid and are being supportive, which of course is super important. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now this story comes from ActiveQuality1566 from the AmITheArseholeHere subreddit. And it says,

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_00] AmITheArseOleHere for wearing a white t-shirt and grey leggings when my husband's ex-wife came over? We're newlyweds and this is our first fight. My husband, 27 male, and I, 31 female, were waiting for his ex-wife, 27 female, to drop off his daughter. Minutes before they reached, my husband asked me if I was waiting on the last minute to change. I was wearing a white t-shirt and grey leggings. No makeup and my hair was in a messy bun.

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_00] I told him I wasn't changing. He didn't say anything about it until his ex and his daughter arrived. The ex came in a nice summer dress, heels and makeup. The daughter said bye to her mum and went upstairs. The ex left. My husband said I embarrassed him in front of his ex by looking like that. We got into a big argument about it and am I the arsehole? Well, absolutely not the arsehole and red flags are all over because, let's face it, he was worried about impressing his ex-wife here.

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_00] The fact is, his ex-wife's opinion shouldn't really matter unless it's about their kids of course. And I'd be asking this guy straight up, why does it matter what I look like when she drops the daughter off? And what are you trying to prove to her? Because what's he competing for here? But own object says not the arsehole. Your husband wanted you to look more put together to try and make his ex feel inferior. Candid Feature says and they're literally at home chilling. What was he wearing? Preoccupied Duck replies saying plot twist.

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_00] This boy was wearing a three-piece suit just for the occasion. Silver Tongue says lol what? Fuck no, you're at home chilling. Is this bait? Candid says he shouldn't be comparing her to his ex at all. And Voice of Doom says he just wants his ex to be jealous, which is immature and stupid. Opie came back in to update and says, A small update. My husband, 27 male and I, 31 female, talked this morning.

[00:17:40] [SPEAKER_00] He repeated that to him. I'm more physically attractive than his ex-wife, 27 female. My husband repeated that he likes women who is curvier and who looks more mature. He admitted he doesn't like that a lot of people think his ex-wife is way hotter than me. He said that he's sure that his ex-wife thinks she's hotter than me. My husband said he wanted to show me off to his ex. I told him that he just has to accept that by mainstream beauty standard,

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_00] his ex-wife is far hotter than me. But what is most important is what I think of my looks. I said what he thinks of my looks is the second most important. I asked him when it's just him, his daughter and I, does he want me to be dressed up or look simple? He said he prefers simple. I told him then don't let others' opinions confuse anything. So basically things are getting back to normal. I have to say that whole update made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, what was that line in itself that he said to her, he admitted he doesn't like a lot of people thinking his ex-wife is way hotter than her. I mean, oh dear, fucking hell. Well, then OP saying at the very end that things are going back to normal. It just very much felt like it was a big rug sweep here. But okay, Breadfruit says, the whole situation is very weird. You weren't expecting company. You were expecting your stepdaughter to come home and to hang at home with family.

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00] My husband has never once compared my looks to his ex-wife and never would. There's nothing to compare because we're different people. That's a really unusual conversation to have. The commenter replies saying, yeah, this. My husband's ex-wife literally looks like a model. To me at least, some disagree apparently. But she's also not a very nice person and she cheated on him. He married her when they were pretty young and he fully admits the packaging was the reason. But says what was inside was truly disappointing.

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_00] He never compares us in terms of looks or otherwise because he was never happy in his first marriage. Opie says, something seems wrong in my marriage. The account replies saying, it's because there is something wrong with your marriage and those nagging thoughts and feelings aren't going to go away. He blamed it on caring what other people thought too much. Yeah, right. And that made it your problem and made you feel small. That's really shitty.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00] The commenter says, I think your husband cares too much about what other people think about his relationship choices. I noticed this as a plus-sized woman and it really takes a super confident man to go boldly. I don't give a fuck what you think. I love this woman loudly and publicly and this is the best relationship I've ever been in. His ex is an ex for a reason and I'm sure he isn't looking to rekindle with her.

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00] He needs to ignore the friends and people who are shit-staring and be firm that he loves you and you are beautiful and his wife and that no one is to speak about you. He just needs to care less about their thoughts and more about being honored you married him. Opie says, thank you so much for saying that. I really needed to hear it. Bloody hell. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_00] And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the AmITheArshole subreddit. Not date on this one yet, but it's one of the top ones in the AmITheArsehole currently from TimeKoala3674 who says, AmITheArshole for refusing to drive my husband home from his colonoscopy? I need some outside perspective. AmITheArshole? My husband went to the doc back in September. He needs a colonoscopy. I reminded him in October.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00] In November, he had yet to schedule. I reminded him again and told him to try and schedule it before end of year because we hit all insurance and basically free. He told me yesterday he scheduled for the 19th. We were supposed to be in NE, Nebraska? Guessing there. For the holidays. He then said we needed to wait and then after his colonoscopy, we would drive there. Which means I'll be driving 7 plus hours by myself in late afternoon and evening. I don't do well at night.

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_00] I could do it if it's in the morning. I told him to reschedule to after the first of the year. He said no to help save money. So he then rescheduled to next Wednesday, 17th, and said he needed me to pick him up at 1230. I told him I can't do that because of my job. I'm a teacher and it is one of my busiest times of year. He says I'm being rigid, not flexible, and selfish. Also that I don't care about him.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00] I explained that I can't just leave my class for 30 minutes, especially at the lunch hour. Plus he's going under general anesthesia. He needs somebody to be with him. Also what if it takes longer than 30 minutes? He said you would have to figure it out if it was an emergency. This is not an emergency. I also told him I can't leave that day because I have parents coming in to help with a big project, a party I am leading, and a parent conference after school.

[00:22:47] [SPEAKER_00] All of this was scheduled before his colonoscopy, which he did not check with my schedule. He says it's because I can't talk on the phone. I mentioned that he could do it when I get home. He says they are closed. I get home most days at 3.30. He told me to figure it out because he would do it for me. I told him I wouldn't have given him a week's notice to figure it out for something that's going to require me to take a day off of work. And it's not on me if he waited until last minute to get it scheduled.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_00] I told him to reschedule for the first of the year and I didn't care if we'd have to pay more because at this point in time there's not a lot of options with the holidays. He said no and figure it out. I said no. He says I am a shit because family first and now isn't talking to me. Opie had a comment in this one saying I should clarify that I don't mind taking off work to be there but this week is the worst possible week. Also my husband is saying I don't care about him because I'm not prioritizing my family.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_00] This guy has been getting reminders left, right and center for a long time. Three months was it? And he's dragged his feet this whole time. And now comes into this without checking your availability during your busiest week of work and now he's giving you this family first bullshit. I mean surely there's a whole bunch of options you could do here. He could reschedule for one. He could ask anyone else that's available. Surely he could hire a taxi or something along those lines is that fair to say?

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_00] And I'm not sure. I'm guessing it depends on location whether you take the anesthesia or not. I didn't because I wanted to drive afterwards because I drove myself there. Obviously that has certain risks involved. I personally didn't find it too bad. Obviously uncomfortable in places. I mean you've got a camera up your asshole with a screen in front of you so you can see the inside of your butthole at the same time. It's not every day that happens, right? But Ditto Head Forever says you're not the asshole.

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_00] He's the one who can get his shit together and schedule it for a time that wasn't totally inconvenient. Juan replies to that saying he won't have his shit together when he starts taking the colonoscopy prep. That's a little bit different. Yeah that's true. You need to fit some handles to your toilet at that point because you need to hold on for dear life. Backer says your husband and his arsehole are the arseholes. You're not the arsehole.

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_00] He can still leverage the insurance prior to the end of the year by getting a friend to drive him home. That's assuming he has friends, which may be unlikely based on how he treats you. Still doesn't address the drive to Nebraska for the holidays right after his procedure. But that makes him more the arsehole for forcing you to do the entire drive. And Crazy comes in with a bit of a different opinion starting with everyone sucks here saying he made the appointment two times. You told him both times were impossible for you. Yeah absolutely valid reasons.

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_00] Yes he should have checked with you. Yes he should have made the appointment months ago. However you can't be on your phone at work so he really couldn't check with you at the time. You are being a bit rigid. Again for absolutely valid reasons. In my opinion if his appointment relies on you then one you should have provided him a list of dates and times that work for you. Or two just made the appointment yourself. This is just piss poor communication all around.

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_00] You really can't be like oh make this appointment that I know you need me to drive you home from and stay with you the rest of the day. And not give him some type of hey these dates work for me. And he really can't expect you to take off of work your busy time with a week's notice. And yes he should have made the appointment months ago. But I digress on that because I also put off necessary doctor's appointments until the last minute. Interesting. Very very interesting.

[00:26:33] [SPEAKER_00] So now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Not the arsehole? Everyone sucks here? Maybe even you're the arsehole if you're being extra cheeky today. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here. Truly it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_00] Take care and much love.