Am I Wrong For Always Going To The Cinema By Myself Without My Girlfriend? | r/AITA

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from WorkingProfessor74 from the AmITheArseForHere subreddit. And it says, AmITheArseForHere for always going to the movies by myself despite having a girlfriend?

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_00] I read it, throw away accounts just to make sure my main accounts algorithm isn't messed up. To start off, I, 31 male, really prefer going to movie theaters by myself. It's always been my thing since I've started earning money to go catch a movie, maybe once or twice a month. Now, I also have tinnitus, so I always have this ringing noise in my ears basically 24-7. So when I watch movies, I try my best to focus on the movie.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00] I drown out the ringing sound and not to get distracted from the plot. I don't like it when I have to talk or chat to people while watching and if there's a movie I really want to watch, I often go out about two to three weeks after its release just to thin out the crowds. I might make exceptions for special occasions. For example, my teenage sister is a Marvel fan, so I treated her to see The Avengers when it came out. Not on the regular, I really just prefer going by myself. It's my way of de-stressing.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00] Now, I've recently been seeing this girl. Let's call her Zoe. She's 29 for about half a year now. Things have been really good with her and we haven't had any major fights or quarrels. She's very sweet and I really like her, but the one thing I will say is that she's very chatty while I'm more of a quiet guy myself. Early on in our relationship, I did bring up my weird preference of only watching movies by myself and she said she was cool with it and didn't mind.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_00] Now, I do feel bad for this sometimes, so to make up for it, I usually try to do as many of the things that she likes to do instead, like going out to brunches, hiking, sewing, and I also try to watch the shows she likes whenever we're chilling at her place. On to the problem. A few days ago, I finally went to see the new Avatar movie since it had already been almost a month since it came out and the crowds have finally thinned out.

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_00] Since it was about three hours long, I thought I might as well go out to dinner with Zoe afterwards and text her. Plans were made and everything was good. I go into the cinema and go to my assigned seat and saw that my row of seats was almost empty, save for two women about two spaces away from mine. As I was sitting down, the woman closest to my seat suddenly said my name. I didn't properly see her in the dark, but it turns out that it was an old co-worker of mine from a previous office I had worked at,

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00] and the other lady next to her was her friend. I said hello and made some polite small talk, but when the film started, I kept quiet and focused on the film like usual. They were a bit chatty during the film, but not so loud to be distracting, so I didn't really mind. I'm not going to give opinions about the movie here, and I'm not a diehard Avatar fan, but all in all, I thought it was pretty good.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_00] When the movie ended, and as I was exiting the cinema, my old co-worker caught up to me for a chat for a bit as her friend was going to the restroom. As we stepped out from the cinema, I thought about texting Zoe to see where she was, when I actually saw her by the entrance of the cinema. I remembered that I did actually text at a timetable of the movie I was seeing, and she apparently has been waiting there to surprise me. She asked who it was that I was talking to, and I introduced her to my old co-worker.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00] After saying goodbye to my co-worker, we left to go to get dinner, but I can tell that Zoe's mood had suddenly shifted and soured. Her bad mood persisted all throughout dinner and the evening, but I waited until we were in my car to ask her what was wrong. She said that she was upset that I had gone and watched the movie with some other woman, but I had never once even bothered to invite her to watch.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00] What made it worse was apparently she was a big fan of Avatar movies, a fact that I did not know and she had only brought up at that moment. I tried to explain that it was just pure coincidence that I met with her and that we weren't even seated directly next to each other, and that I only chatted with her to be polite, but she was still upset and even started to shout and cry a bit. She said that watching movies was my special thing, and that she was hurt that I allowed some strangers to take part of that special thing when she couldn't.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00] I again tried to explain my side, but she just asked me to drop her off at her place and stay quiet for the rest of the car ride. It's been about four days and I haven't heard from her yet, and she won't respond to any of my texts. I honestly don't know what to do about the situation, as I honestly think I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't really dated that much and this is the first serious relationship despite my age. It got me thinking if my preference of watching movies by myself is such an arsehole thing to do,

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00] since most partners often go to the movies together, right? So read it. Some I the arsehole and any suggestions on this as well. So there was a couple of comments with Opie replying to him. Tough Stuff says, Ah, come on. You waited all the way through dinner to say something. That will never help your case on any future crazy situations like this. It's sad because at first not the arsehole, but you immediately knew her mood went sour. You had a whole dinner without talking about it or bringing it up.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00] You let that thought fester in her mind. You knew what her attitude was about. Everyone sucks here. Opie says, I knew her mood shifted, but at the time I didn't really know why or what was the cause. If it was just a minor issue, then I thought a bit of lighthearted small talk and food might lift up her mood first before I brought it up. If it was something major, then I wouldn't really want to make a public scene anyway. Also, the restaurant we ate at was a place we both really like. If we made a scene there, it would be forever associated with that

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00] and would be harder to return to in the future. Celtic DK says, Few things, bro. One, you're not the arsehole for having that solo preference. Two, I'm concerned a bit how you didn't know your girlfriend loved them so much. Loved them so much and you didn't know that. Three, have you taken your girlfriend to the movie with you and asked her to let you focus on the film? Four, your girlfriend has some insecurity issues that I personally wouldn't waste my own time on anymore because I'm at that point in my dating life where I don't want to teach people

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00] how to be mature enough for a relationship with me. It's one thing to see a weird situation and be upset, but it's another to then not trust you, stay upset, yell at you, and ignore you for days. This might even be her breaking up with you. Opie says,

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00] I know this is totally, well, kind of off topic from the actual post, but I only go to the movies a couple of times a year, if that. And it has to be like a decent horror movie or something, which are pretty rare these days, especially in local cinemas. And I have to say the last couple of times I noticed there is an increase of, you know, people talking within cinemas or on their phones during the movies. And actually, it does, it does wind me up. It has to be said. But this was a not the arsehole for me, especially for the solo movie thing.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_00] And it's the same with like a lot of solo activities. If you tell someone that you've done something solo and you get a weird look and it's like, hell no. I encourage you to do that kind of thing. You know, sometimes go out for lunch by yourself. Just sit in the window, watch the world go by while eating your favorite food. Sometimes I go ice skating by myself on the quiet sessions. But back to OP, you know, he disclosed this early. He got her agreement and compensates with her activities.

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_00] I think that's a really thoughtful thing to do. The whole tow worker situation was just bad luck. But one that should have been easily explained, right? I feel like the real issue here is the four days of silence. That's not about hurt feelings, is it? That's punishing someone. I'm always of the thought that, you know, you can take a step back. You can gather your thoughts and then approach the conversation.

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00] But there's a difference between needing space to process stuff and just stonewalling. And then combine this with the shouting and the crying in the car. And it just says, you know, there's something deeper going on here. OP was mentioning towards the end about past relationships. Said he doesn't know, but was almost given a little hint that there might be something there. So let's head straight to that update to find out what did happen next. OP said, hello Reddit.

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_00] Not really sure if I'm doing updates right, but I decided to post an update about my situation and what happened. To give a short recap about my previous post. I, 31 male, have a personal preference of going to the movies by myself. My girlfriend, 29, saw me walking out of a movie theater with a female colleague from a previous job who I met there by coincidence. And got upset at me and hasn't talked to me for about four days now. It's been a long day since my post. And my girlfriend finally responded to text.

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00] She apologized profusely about not responding to me right away. And explained that she had to deal with some problems with her family that came up. And she only had the mental and emotional strength to deal with one issue at a time. I'm aware that she does have some family drama right now. Won't go into that here for privacy and unrelated anyway. And I said I understood and that I wasn't really upset about that. We decided to meet up in person and talk things out. I picked her up and we go to a coffee place near our home.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_00] After we sat down with our orders, she immediately started to apologize for all the things she said that night. And that after she had woke up the next day, she had realized how ridiculous she had sounded. Now, a few of the commenters on my post mentioned their insecurities and stuff like that. So I wanted to touch up on that. I said that I accepted her apology but I needed to know where her line of reasoning came from. And what caused her to have an outburst like that.

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00] She then confessed that about a year before she met me, she'd caught her now ex-boyfriend cheating on her. She said that she went to surprise him with lunch one time and had caught him walking out of their workplace with his arm around one of his female co-workers. So when she once again was waiting to surprise me at the movie theater and saw me walking out with another woman, she had severe flashbacks to that moment when she caught her ex and her anxiety flared up.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00] It also didn't help that her best friend, who she usually asks advice from, apparently really doesn't like me. A few months after we had met, a friend apparently warned her that I was too quiet for a guy and I gave a shady vibe. I apparently looked like the type of person who keeps secrets and that she should be suspicious of me. Although she initially just brushed her off, this basically implanted a seed of doubt in her. I guess she felt really guilty about the whole thing because she was in a real confessing kind of mood.

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_00] I kind of just sat there in silence for a bit just because I really needed to process everything she was saying. After a bit of thinking, I finally brought up the topic of how we're going to move forward. She said that she realized that what she did was really unreasonable, but she didn't want to break up. I also said that while I was hurt with what happened, I also didn't want to break up over what was essentially a really big misunderstanding.

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_00] But I also told her as politely as I can that she really needs to maybe work on any other unresolved issues she might still feel about her ex. Maybe even therapy if needed. She said that while she would definitely do better and work on her insecurities, she didn't think it warranted therapy yet. I told her to think about it some more if possible and that I would support her in any way I can.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00] After chatting a bit more, mostly about her nosy friend and how she should really mind her own business, lol, we went home feeling much better. Anyway Reddit, that's about it. I know some comment has mentioned about how I should break up with her, but I really think this is about as good an outcome as it gets. I also went ahead and invited her to watch a movie on Valentine's Day. Although I still mostly continue to watch movies by myself, I'll try to work on including Zoe from now on. Thanks for the people that gave advice.

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_00] You guys gave me a lot to think about while I was waiting on her reply and I really appreciated it. Have a good one. Alarming paper says to this one, wow, a mature reasoned discussion and mutually satisfactory resolution. Who would have thought? Fast disc replicing, this doesn't belong on Reddit. I came here for the spiraling chaos, not reason, maturity and positive communication. An OP replied said, there was a bit of chaos in the end, lol.

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't know if I should include it since it wasn't related. But after we had our discussion and I dropped her home, her six-year-old nephew sicked their dog at me. He thought that we had broken up and since the only thing he knew about breakups were what he saw in TV dramas, he essentially labeled me as a bad ex. Don't worry though, their dog is less than a year old chihuahua. The thing was barely the size of my foot. To be fair, small dogs are the most beastly of attack dogs.

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_00] You should see Poppy when she gets going, she's a vicious beast. And like the commenter says, a genuinely satisfying update. Pretty rare for Reddit, right? It seemed like there was good communication, accountability on both sides and it seems that their relationship might be stronger for having actually talked about things. However, I would be completely lying to you if a couple of things didn't pop into my head. And you know, this might be Reddit brain. I've read thousands of these stories.

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_00] So you always have to take what I say with a little pinch of salt because there's a big chance that I'm just throwing stuff out there and talking absolute shite. First, I will say the friend. The friend is always still going to be there. She dislikes OP. But she's always going to be the girlfriend's best friend who she's still going to turn to for advice, right? And I imagine the advice she's going to get from her is always going to be on the shit side. The four days.

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00] Now, the girlfriend's family drama is real and 100% valid. And she might have been really struggling to deal with it. But to me, all it took was about, what, less than a minute to send a text saying, really struggling right now. We'll explain soon. Of course, she may have been genuinely overwhelmed, but she knew what that silence was doing to him. Both things can be true. Now, my big Columbo moment. The cinema arrival.

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_00] He texted her the movie timetable. She showed up to surprise him, but... And she knew exactly when the movie ended and positioned herself at the exit again to surprise him. Might have been a genuine lovely surprise. But what popped into my head was the seed of doubt that the friends already put in OP's head. And the confession that a year before she met OP, she caught her now ex-boyfriend cheating on her.

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_00] She said that she went to surprise him with lunch one time and caught him walking out of their workplace with his arm around one of his female co-workers. And it just gave me, like, flashes between the cinema and that situation. Like some sort of movie. Was she there to catch OP? Or it could have been a genuine surprise. So that might be me being really harsh there. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_00] And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Ter Wolf from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says, am I the arsehole here? For telling my dad that's not going to happen. But he joked about hitting me. So I, 29 male, live with my dad, 50 male. Because of his diabetes, injured back and heart problems. My dad is really an old school type hood dude. But also thinks of himself as a funny guy and a wise mentor.

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_00] At one point, he has called me into his room so I could take some trash out for him. Now, for context, I suffer from achalasia. And has just recently healed after a year and a half long recovery from an esophagectomy. I'm stronger, gaining weight and muscle, and feeling good about myself. He notices and says I look good and must get back into self-defense. I'm like, yeah, cool, alright. We joke about how I used to be thin as a rail.

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_00] But he's like, even with you gaining all this weight, you need to get back to the gym. How are you going to stop me from chopping you in the throat? I'm still laughing and say, that's not going to happen. And man gets mad at me. Like jokes and the laughter stops. And he goes, what did you just say? Like I insulted him. I'm sitting there blinking and he's like, don't you disrespect me like that? Don't you know I used to knock 6'4 and 6'5 dudes out? So I try to walk away.

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_00] And he stops me and tells me to apologize to him. I say no because it was a dumb joke and not meant to offend him in any way. He says it doesn't matter if I meant to offend him. It hit his soul wrong. An offense was taken. But as a man, I should apologize to keep peace. I'm so tired. Am I the asshole for my response and for refusing to apologize? So the first commenter on this who was downvoted said, my opinion, you're the asshole.

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_00] You're bantering with your father. All is fun. And to me, it sounded as if you were declaring dominance at that moment. You don't have to win all the battles, especially with your father. You're living in his house and could have easily taken a secondary position to him. It's his home. He raised you. There's nothing wrong with building him up and letting him know that he is king of his castle and that you will always have his back. And also say that you trust that he will always have your back. Mutual respect. Show him respect.

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_00] Hug him and apologize. He may apologize back. Then take him for an ice cream cone. Even if you could take your father in that fight. Hope you reply saying it's my house. I was the one who got it from my uncle when he moved to Alaska. And most of the bills, lights, gas, utilities are in my name. While he pays cable and internet. Downvoted commenter replies saying, While you two were bantering, did you feel that his comment about the throat block wasn't actually an attack? Where you had to stand up for yourself.

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00] Maybe I'm missing the emotions behind some of this. Hope he says I was literally bantering back. Just a casual, ha, that's not gonna happen. Because it's not an objective reality. It wasn't meant as standing up for myself or anything other than continuing the joke he made. Commenter says, Dad, I understand you're having a bad day, but I'm not your punching bag. No matter what he says, just say that over and over again.

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_00] If you have to say it 25 times in a row to do it, he will grow tired of it and give up before you do. Commenter says, Tell him that this comment about assaulting you wasn't funny. And he needs to apologize to you first. Not the arse off. Commenter says,

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_00] The commenter about the ice cream absolutely sent me. And I don't know why that comment about the ice cream, like, Dad getting all sulky about his son bantering back with him and getting all upset about it. And then the commenter's like, Well, show him some respect and then get him a Mr. Whippy. Like he's some five-year-old that just had a tantrum at Asda or something. I mean, what the fuck? But this is not the arsehole, obviously. But OP did come in with an update nearly 10 months later.

[00:20:42] [SPEAKER_00] I said so, it's been 10 months since events seen here. And shared the link. And I took a lot of advice and thought about what you all said. And a lot on my past with my dad. The verbal abuse was since I was 15. Long before his illness. Some examples. When I was 19, he woke me out of my sleep for it. And lectured me and went on a pity party for so long, my legs gave out and I ate carpet. Like it was literally an hour of, Oh, my parents didn't raise me.

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_00] I feel disrespected when you talk back. Blah, blah, blah. He also fucking threatened me. Saying it's taken everything for me to not hit you when you disrespect me. Or when I was sleeping in because I had a late night job. And my dad woke me up three times. And on the last one at around 11. After waking me up at 7am and 9. He asked why I was still asleep. And when I pointed out he keeps waking me up. He goes, well, you need to be up. What if you had an early morning job like me?

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_00] Or telling me I need to toughen up because if I went to jail, I'd be sexually assaulted. Mind you, I'm an introvert who literally avoids going outside and very specifically didn't hang out around gangs when I did live in the hood. So what the fuck? Or saying his screaming and ranting and all that was supposed to prepare me for the world. But if I couldn't take him doing it, how could I deal with a boss or partner doing it? Or do you know how insulting it is to me for you to walk around here not taking care of yourself?

[00:22:06] [SPEAKER_00] You look like me but with a perfect body. Well, I got this spare tire. When I have surgery scars, depression and a history of achalasia. And it wasn't just me. He doesn't want his wife being friends with his friends and forces her to be on video call with him when she's at work and when she's asleep. This is a man who hates my grandma's best friend for being opinionated and once broke down crying in her car because I don't like bothering nobody.

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_00] When she had to take him to the doctor because he was too dumb to realize, hey, if they anesthetize me to clean out the plaque in my veins, I may need a ride home as they legally can't release you. He also doesn't like people doing him favors because now he owes them. When others told him to treat me better or treat other people better, he'd tell them women don't know how to raise a man if the speaker was a woman or tell me not to tell him doesn't come with a manual. Anything except changing.

[00:23:04] [SPEAKER_00] So I sat there and I thought about that all and I packed my stuff and I got someone else to take care of him and I left. I moved out, currently living halfway across the country in another state. Went low slash no contact with him. Got a therapist. Went back into education for my job, trying to unlearn all of this venom. And now that I've blocked him on most media, he's angsting. I don't know what I did. Parenting doesn't come with a manual. I did the best I could.

[00:23:33] [SPEAKER_00] And my family wants me to at least make some concessions and soften the blow because no one wants to feel like they failed. But my therapist tells me that it's my right to draw boundaries. Well, that's my update. Out of the situation, still alive, still healing. Thanks for reading this ramble. A commenter says to a P, Yikes. I wonder if your dad has a psychiatric disorder, like borderline personality disorder, or maybe bipolar disorder. Sadly,

[00:23:59] [SPEAKER_00] enablers allow abuser to keep abusing rather than drawing boundaries to stop it. These enablers put the burden on the victim to keep suffering. It sounds like you're really doing what you need to heal and reclaim your life. Don't feel guilty about keeping a distance from him and tell his enablers. Stop being more worried about my abuser's feelings than my feelings. Stop making excuses for him. If he doesn't know what he did, he's not going to figure it out. Apologize and change at this point. OP says,

[00:24:28] [SPEAKER_00] I have bipolar so it's possible. And it also does run in the family. A commenter says to a P, I'm so happy that you're out of that toxic stew. Don't listen to the people trying to pull you back into it. I'm proud of you. A commenter says, You know what? Good on you. That's quite the solid spine you got now. Keep it that way. And one more commenter who says, I always laugh that parenting doesn't come with a manual. Lol. Yes it does. There are books all over the place. There are parenting classes.

[00:24:56] [SPEAKER_00] Sure some of them are shit but don't pretend there's nothing. Good for you OP. Glad you escaped. My first thought on this was that, you know, OP didn't mention it but what happened to the house. I hope OP is somehow because it just seems like he left that, he left that house just to get out of there. I hope he does reclaim it in some way in the future because it's his. But focusing on OP and it sounds absolutely amazing for OP and the relief I was feeling as I was reading the update, moved across the country,

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_00] got therapy, went back into education, locked his dad on most platforms. The growth in that post is incredible. And anyone else, you know, the family wanting him to soften the blow because no one wants to feel like they failed. It's just absolute bullshit. Almost Darvo energy, right? The person who was actually harmed in this is now being asked to manage him, being asked to manage his emotions, the person who harmed him. And of course,

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_00] the therapist is right, obviously. And the commenter in it did crack me up that parenting doesn't come with a manual because they were right. There's entire libraries on it, right? But there was something like really tragic behind this whole thing as I was reading through thinking what an existence, right? The dad I'm talking about here. And again, I have to say this because I don't want people to think I'm backing him up or feeling sorry for him because I'm not. But just the thoughts

[00:26:26] [SPEAKER_00] of all this stuff going on with him, you know, he had a son which was taking care of him, loving him, but, and he's got all these conditions going on and he's chosen to live his life like this. Now he's completely alone in a house that isn't even really his and, you know, victimizing himself on why his son disappeared. Guy clearly has wounds of his own. The crying in the car jumped out to me for that in itself. And instead of actually dealing with it, just passed it down, hurt it,

[00:26:56] [SPEAKER_00] hurting other people, hurt people, hurting people, as they say. But it was good to see OP start to break that cycle. OP to recognize their worth. Absolutely amazing. I really do wish them all the best going forward. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time.

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_00] It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly is absolutely amazing and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.