I Found A Condom Wrapper In My Wife's Car, I'm Devastated And Spiralling r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and guess what we're checking out today? Some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now today's first story comes from a throw away account and it says, devastated and spiralling. I, male 35, found a condom wrapper in my wife's 34 female car. Now what? We've been together for about 10 years and married for six. We have no kids now, but we're planning to start trying pretty much now. We are both very active, going to the gym, eating healthy and are both in relatively great shape.

[00:00:49] My wife is gorgeous with a phenomenal body, but I would probably consider myself maybe a five or six out of 10 on the attractiveness scale. I realize that. But we have always had a really strong relationship. We started as great friends, realized we're just right for each other and that developed into true romantic love and devotion. The sex was always fantastic. There were never any issues there with quality or frequency.

[00:01:16] I was washing my wife's car, as I do pretty often. In the course of cleaning the interior, I found an open, empty condom wrapper under a passenger seat. We don't use condoms since she has always been on birth control. I'm driving myself insane with all the stories and scenarios running through my brain.

[00:01:33] She spends a lot of time at the gym, working with weights and doing her cardio, like three hours, four days a week. So there are frequent times when we are apart. She has never given me a reason to suspect she has been unfaithful. I know I have to confront her, but I'm scared to death of what might be the truth. She is my world and I can't imagine starting a family with anyone else. I'm afraid I'm going to break.

[00:01:58] Edit to add. Wow, you're all amazing. I'm so touched by the DMs and heartfelt responses. I had no idea I would get so many responses so quickly. I wanted to add some details to save me from having to reply to all the common comments. My wife has never given me a reason to think she has cheated before this. She has always been loving and affectionate and we are looking forward to starting a family very soon.

[00:02:22] Some have speculated that kids coming soon may have led her to one last fling. I don't know. Possibly. We're an open book to each other with our finances pretty much entirely tied up as one. She comes from a pretty upper middle class background. Her parents are very comfortable. I come from a home where my parents were fighting their own demons and so I didn't get a lot of attention growing up. Not a criticism. It was easy to get lost in the shuffle of my parents' problems.

[00:02:50] We are cordial but not super close. I'm way closer to her family and I love her mum and dad and younger sister. Financially we are fine. Together we make about $150k per year. She makes $60k as a law firm assistant. I make $90k as an auto technician. We own a house together that we're able to purchase with a down payment from our family. If worst comes to worst I have no interest in fighting for that money. It is theirs and they can have it back if we end up selling the house.

[00:03:21] Some have commented about the amount of time she is at the gym. We go to separate gyms. She gets off work at 4 and goes straight to the gym where she does a class. Then works out with weights and the cardio on the treadmill. I was never suspicious of the time she spends there. By the time she gets home I'm already there and she jumps directly in the shower. And then we make dinner together and hang out. As far as a lawyer or investigator there's no way I could do that in secret with the way we manage our finances. So that's out for now.

[00:03:50] Someone explained to me how to get detailed phone records from Visible. So that's my next step. I will get the records and I have some time to myself and see if there's a number that she's in contact with a lot that I don't recognize. I try to figure out where to go from there and let you all know. Sassy Chee says, Ugh dude, I'm sorry. I would wait until she comes home. Have a civil conversation with her in a neutral place. Kitchen, patio. Let her know what you found. Ask to see her phone.

[00:04:18] If she says no, you have your answer. If she admits to anything, it's entirely up to you on how you want to proceed. If she lies to you and you find anything out, walk away. She not only cheated on you, but she was okay with lying and definitely continuing it. No matter what you choose, therapy is a priority. Sending you love. And I kind of agree.

[00:04:41] I mean, without any other way, just having that conversation, possibly seeing the phone at the same time is the only way you're going to get any sort of closure on this. S.S.P.M.D. says, Ask for the phone first. Calm says, Trust me when I say this, and this comes from experience. Even someone who seems like the perfect, most loving and loyal partner can end up being a cheater.

[00:05:05] Some people just know exactly how they're supposed to behave when in person, but do whatever they want for themselves the second you're out of sight or unaware. So, Opie came in with what they titled their first update and said, Lots of folks asked for an update. Not a whole lot to say, but things are getting interesting. I'm shaking as I type this. Thanks to everyone in the comments and the DMs for the empathy and well wishes. A lot of good tips and advice too. Man, I would hate to piss some of you off. Some of you are vindictive.

[00:05:35] First off, I found a wrapper, not an actual used condom. So the suggestion of DNA testing was not useful. And thanks to another user for the information about getting detailed phone records from Visible. Today at work, during some break time, I requested a download of the phone records, but it says the request could take up to 45 days. I can't wait that long. I drove by her work on my lunch break. I didn't know why or what I expected, but her car was there as it normally is.

[00:06:03] Lots of good advice to track her. Get a VAR, look at her phone without her knowing, hire an investigator, a lawyer, etc. I can't deal with this. I'm taking the advice a lot of you had and I'm just going to confront her today when she gets home. As some of you suggested, I plan to put the condom wrapper on the table in plain sight and watch her body language. I'm so scared and nervous, I am almost pissing my pants. I'm really starting to expect the worst. For me, if she's cheated, there is zero chance we'll stay married.

[00:06:34] Zero. I don't care what excuses or reasons or whatever she has. I'm 100% done. No therapy, no counseling, nothing. I can't believe I'm typing this. It makes it seem real. I can't imagine her sucking and fucking some other guy or guys. That's an image I could never get out of my head for the rest of my life. As far as assets, we don't have a lot. We have a pretty nice house that her dad helped us pay for. I'm happy to let her have it with my fair share and paying back her father.

[00:07:03] Otherwise, it's bullshit like two cars, some furniture and some decent savings that we have both contributed to. So I'm willing to split 50-50. The thought of divorce is burning a pit in my gut. I'll post again after I confront her. Either way, I think this thing comes to a conclusion tonight. Bluebity Blue says, If you find out the worst tonight when you talk to her, you get up and walk away. Walk out your front door, get in your car and drive down to a local parking lot or park until you are completely calm.

[00:07:33] And all of your emotions are in check. If it takes you two days to calm down, then take the two days. Do not go back in a rage. Things have a way of escalating and situations have a way of getting out of control. Your only priority during that conversation is staying calm. Let us know how it goes. We are all pulling for you and hoping is a terrible misunderstanding. Personal Klutzy says, Good luck, OP. I was in a very similar position 20 years ago when my husband found the same thing in my car.

[00:08:02] Turns out my friend from work that had asked to borrow my car at lunch was actually the one cheating on her husband with another colleague in my car. It was a fucking mess and husband and I are still married and happy, but I jumped through hoops to prove myself. I completely understood why he and you feel the way you do, but I hope that maybe there is a tiny chance she isn't actually cheating. I will take the time to gather more evidence if you can. OP then replied to a deleted comment which says,

[00:08:31] Yes, we have toys but never use condoms and I can imagine she is taking care of herself in her car. Or it might have said, I can't imagine she is taking care of herself in the car. Flynn says, Was the rapper in plain sight? Maybe she left the window open. I saw this show where this girl would throw her hair ties into open car windows to make trouble. Gee, some people just want to cause chaos, don't they? OP says no. It was under the passenger seat towards the back of the seat.

[00:08:58] The car has a very small back seat so I can't imagine having sex back there. But who knows what motivated people are capable of. The OP came in with another update which they said there is a mini update, devastated and spiraling. I, male 35, found a condom wrapper in my wife's 34th female car. Now what? Okay, instead of sitting here pissing my pants, I wanted to just type a few more things to keep busy. I'm sitting here trying to find another reason to doubt her. Dashcam.

[00:09:27] Yes, I've checked the dashcam footage. Nothing suspicious or out of the ordinary. Commutes to work, the gym and home. Maybe a stop or two for typical errands. Grocery store, cleaners. Zero suspicious activity. But she knows there is a dashcam too, so who knows? Maybe she's just being really careful. Our current state of relationship. It's really strong as far as I know. She comes home, we share a glass of wine while we make dinner together. Talk about our day, cuddle on the couch if we watch a show.

[00:09:57] We really have what anyone from the outside would be jealous of. No feelings of distance, no hiding of phone and no dropping off in sex. Which has always been and still is great. Her gym time. With as much as she does, it is reasonable for her to spend two and a half hours at the gym. I've gone with her, I've seen her work out. It's pretty extensive and her body shows it. I'm so proud of how great she looks and how she takes such good care of herself and encourages me and cares about her health.

[00:10:26] I've never been suspicious about it. Maybe foolishly. Yes, she comes home and showers right away, but she's typically sweaty and feels gross. She doesn't avoid me when she walks in. She'll typically come over and greet me with a kiss on the lips and then hit the shower. If she was just having sex with a side piece, I think she'd be more discreet. We spend almost all of our time together on the weekends. Go for a jog, date nights, happy hour with friends, dinners with family, etc.

[00:10:53] She has a lot of girlfriends from work and they sometimes go out for a girl's night like once every two months. But again, nothing suspicious. I see the credit card charges so I don't believe she's hiding anything. And her girlfriends are all awesome and I love hanging out with them and their husbands slash boyfriends. I'm torn and getting nervous about talking to her tonight, but I gotta get this over with. So then Opie updated with a confrontation and says, This should be my final post on this topic.

[00:11:21] I took a lot of your advice and decided to just confront her tonight. Sorry for the length, but it was a lot. My wife came home from the gym about 6.45 like always. I was sitting at the kitchen table alone. She came over, said hi, kissed me on the lips and went off to take a shower pretty much like usual. I'm not gonna lie. When she came over to kiss me, I smelled really hard for any evidence of man sense. Cologne, soap, deodorant, sweat, anything. I got nothing.

[00:11:49] As she showered, I sat by myself a ball of anxiety and damn near chickened out. She got out of the shower and came into the kitchen, wet hair, sweats, t-shirt looking beautiful as usual. She sat down like we always do and expected to chat about our day. She could immediately see something was wrong. She asked what's up. I mean, I was shaking and so nervous like you cannot believe. I asked, have you lent your car to anyone recently? No. Have you had any passengers in your car the last few weeks?

[00:12:18] She thought for a second and said no. I asked, has anyone besides you or me been in your car the last few weeks? She said no. What the hell is going on? I asked to see her phone. She looked at me weird, said, okay, and just slid the phone to me across the table. No hesitation and said, what the fuck is going on? I didn't touch her phone. I took the condom wrapper out of my pocket and set it on the table. She looked at it but had no real visible reaction.

[00:12:47] I didn't say a word. After a few seconds, she said, what the hell is that? I said, it's a condom wrapper. She said, it's obviously a condom wrapper. What the fuck is a condom wrapper doing on our kitchen table? She was starting to get annoyed. She is either a really good actor or she sincerely had no idea what was happening. I told her I found it under her car seat while I was cleaning her car. She honestly looked unfounded. She said she had no idea how it got there. She really seemed sincere and was starting to get concerned.

[00:13:17] She asked if I thought it was hers. I said, I'm not sure. Is it? She said, you've got to be kidding me. You seriously think I'm fucking around on you? Are you crazy? What the hell is wrong with you? She took her phone and waved it at me and said, here, please look at my phone. Call my sister, who she shares everything with. Call any of my friends. I'm not sure what you want me to say. We sat in silence, very uncomfortable for a minute or two. I didn't take my eyes off her looking for any sign like a tear.

[00:13:46] I said, what would you think if the roles were reversed? She admitted she would probably be suspicious but would give me the benefit of the doubt. She literally went through every day the past couple of weeks. Where she went. Who she was with. What she was doing. Trying to come up with any explanation. She finally remembered an after work thing that they did for a friend of hers. A baby shower kind of thing at a restaurant after work. One of the girls at her office was invited but couldn't go. And she asked my wife to please take her gifts to the party. My wife said sure.

[00:14:16] They walked down to my wife's car to put the gifts in. And my wife's stuff was in the front passenger seat. As I said, the car she drives, Infiniti, Q60, has a tiny back seat. And access to that back seat is ridiculously difficult. As her friend was putting the gifts in. She spilled her purse all over the floor behind the passenger seat. That was the only possibility she could think of. As I sat there, she insisted we call that friend immediately. And she did just that. She put her friend on speakerphone.

[00:14:45] She asked if she remembered when she spilled her purse. She answered yes. She asked if she was sure she got everything picked up off the floor. She answered, I think so. Why? My wife then seriously asks, do you and boyfriend's name use condoms? Her friend kind of chuckled and said yes. My wife asked what brand and she answered Trojans. Same size too. My wife looked straight into my eyes and asked, when you dumped your purse in my car, is there a chance there were condoms in it?

[00:15:14] Her friend said yes. It's not unusual for me to have condoms in my purse. Why? My friend told her friend about the wrapper. Her friend said she doesn't know why she would have an empty wrapper in her purse, but it is certainly possible. She hung up the phone and looked at me and asked if I would like to go through her phone. I said no and she asked, mystery solved? I literally started crying. I was crying.

[00:16:04] I was so, so, so fucking relieved. I was so nervous about asking her about it. We decided to have our glass of wine and go out for dinner. At dinner, we talked about how excited we were to start trying for a baby. I am 100,000% sure she is telling the truth.

[00:16:47] I know her. Comanter says to EOPE, we love a happy resolution. Nice work on keeping composed during the confrontation. May you guys have a long and wonderful marriage. EOPE says thanks. Composure was never in question. We are both pretty calm people. We rarely even yell at each other when we fight. I am not aggressive or in any way violent. There was never any chance things were going to get out of hand. Comanter says, bro had me nervous. EOPE replied saying, shit, you were nervous.

[00:17:17] And I believe the wife in this situation, the way that played out, her reactions to everything, the way EOPE explained it. And I'm glad it did work out that way and they were able to move on. I don't blame EOPE for his suspicions. I mean, finding a condom wrapper in your wife's car, she said it herself that she would find it suspicious as well. I mean, come on. For myself, and this is only for me, because I see people in the comments like, oh, you know, I wouldn't have found it suspicious. I find it weird that people wouldn't find it suspicious. You know, you're cleaning the car and you find a condom wrapper

[00:17:46] and your first thought is, ah, just chuck it in the bin. People were sharing their stories regarding weird stuff found in the car. But Black Snack says, honestly, I was wondering about if the car had been in for a service or anything lately. I found beach sand and an empty Coke bottle under my seat after a service. The fuckers took my car to the beach. I keep a logbook too. And they obviously didn't see that I could see the exact kilometers they drove. It's such a weird thing to do as well.

[00:18:14] Like of all the places you could go if you're going to take someone else's car, the beach where your sand is just going to get everywhere. I mean, that's just so ridiculous. Marianne says, I love this. Also, they will stick to the bottom of your shoes. Scary, but a friend was taking her kid and two other kids in her back seat. They found a used condom on the floor. They then found two wrappers stuck to the bottom of one of the kid's shoes and some other stuff. They've been playing in a very nice park.

[00:18:43] You never know. BM Butler says, bought a car five years ago from a guy who works with my dad. His daughter had been driving the car during college and he was trying to sell it since they got her a new one once she graduated. Bought the car, started dating my wife three months later and just got married in April. Car is a piece of crap visually but has been professionally cleaned supposedly before I bought it. I vacuumed it about once a year or so and never noticed anything.

[00:19:11] Two months ago, my wife and I were vacuuming it out and I stuck the vacuum head all the way under my seat for the first time and out came with a lipstick and a makeup brush. Not fun trying to explain that one to my wife. I'm not sure where I saw it. It was on TV. I don't know if it was on TV or YouTube. Somewhere I saw this. That guy had just bought a car and then he had taken it home. It might have been like a month or so later and he was just giving it a good old clean

[00:19:38] and he reached like under the dashboard bit like behind it. I don't know what he was doing but then he found like a kilo of something very illegal and there were so many other little stories of what other people have found in their cars after they bought it or things that stuck to their feet. But it is amazing, isn't it? How like one little thing spilling your purse out can create a whole load of drama. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:08] How would you have felt if you was in OP shoes? What would you have done? Would you have been suspicious or not? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge cheeky... Why did I say that? Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. And I will see you in the next one. You cheeky so-and-so. Much love.