I Ended A 20 Year Marriage As I Discovered My Wife Past History r/Relationship Final Update

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey Waffle Gang I hope you're well, my name is Mark and today we're checking out some more

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[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Our today's story is one that's been covered in the past and you may have heard it on

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_00]: other channels as well but now has a new update a part of it. As always we're going

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00]: to cover the original parts of the story and then cover the final update as well. If you

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_00]: do want to skip certain parts of the story please feel free to do so time stamps are always

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: down in the description along the timeline below. Thank you.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_00]: It's titled Am I Wrong for Ending A 20 Year Marriage Because I Learned My Wife Cheated

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_00]: on Me While We Were Dating

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_00]: My wife 44 female and I 43 male have been married 20 years. We started dating in

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_00]: high school when I was a junior and she was a senior. We were long distance for our first

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00]: two years of college while I was in high school and did one year at community college. Then

[00:01:06] [SPEAKER_00]: we went to college in the same city for a year and have lived together since. We

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_00]: got married this summer after I graduated college. Our marriage has been pretty great

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_00]: so far but I initiated a divorce after I discovered that she was sleeping with

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_00]: multiple other men for the two years we were long distance. Just after Christmas

[00:01:24] [SPEAKER_00]: we got together with a few friends of hers from college to catch up, have dinner and hang out.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: We talked about a lot of stuff and my wife mentioned that we met in high school. Not

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: that we dated just that we met. Her old college room commented that it was crazy

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_00]: that we met in high school had a few wild years in college then ended up together.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I played along and commented that I didn't know if my wife was as crazy as I was.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_00]: The roommate started to tell a story but my wife cut her off and said she was uncomfortable

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00]: about it. I sensed something was up so I said that we actually started dating in high school

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and were together for my wife's entire time at college. All of my wife's friends got real

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_00]: quiet and the rest of the dinner was awkward. On the way out one of her other roommates took

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_00]: me aside and said I should have an honest conversation about what happened at college.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I asked my wife on the way home and she kind of blew me off. I told her it was important

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_00]: that she was honest with me and again she said it wasn't important. When we got home I told her

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I was going to step my brother's house until she was ready to talk about what happened in college.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: The next day she came over and admitted to sleeping with several men during her first two

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: years at college. She said she didn't consider it a big deal at the time because

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00]: we were long distance and she didn't think a high school romance would last.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I pressed for more details and she said there was at least 10 different men

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_00]: including at least three guys she introduced to me as friends when I came to visit on weekends.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_00]: One guy she was still in contact with. I told her that I wanted a divorce and would be starting

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00]: the paperwork as soon as I could which I did on January 2nd. Her family and most of my family

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00]: is telling me I shouldn't throw away my marriage over a few mistakes. I've stood by my belief

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00]: that cheating on me with multiple men for years is unacceptable no matter when it happened

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_00]: and the fact that she continued to maintain relationships with these guys right in front of

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_00]: me was an unacceptable amount of disrespect. We have two children but they're 17 and 19

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_00]: and I believe they will understand why I need to end the marriage. Am I wrong for leaving?

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I'm going crazy with the amount of people telling me to look over years of infidelity

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_00]: and decades of lies. I think I remember some of the comments on this one about some of the

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: people telling OP to sort of move past it. I think the majority was on OP's side and whilst everyone

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: was saying you know it's years ago you should be able to move past this etc it wasn't new for OP.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00]: They just discovered this. This is fresh information finding out that's going to be devastating.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_00]: But OP came in with their edit and said holy shit I'm glad they did this with a throw

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00]: away because the response here is unexpected. I obviously can't answer every question or

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: comment but I wanted to provide some detail for common questions. The reason I posted this is that

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: my wife and a few friends have been saying it's common to sleep with other folks when you're in

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: a long distance relationship and I'm kind of the odd one out for not sleeping around.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt like I was being gaslit but I wanted an outside perspective. We live in a state

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_00]: with a waiting period to finalize a divorce so I felt it was a reasonable idea to get some

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00]: insight before things are finalized. After these comments I see a handful of folks saying

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_00]: it's normal to sleep around during a long distance relationship but it seems to be

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: a significant minority. We saw each other a couple of weekends a month during the two-year college

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00]: period. I lived about three hours away from her college so it was long distance but not like

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: cross country. This was not a situation where we went months without seeing each other.

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: The three guys I met while she was in college were meetups that happened during parties.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: The subject of me being a boyfriend didn't really come up so I honestly don't know if these

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_00]: guys knew anything. The one guy we're still in contact with married a mutual friend from college.

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_00]: This is not some guy she secretly messages on the side, it's somebody we've talked to regularly

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_00]: for years. I've talked to him a few times since I've learned about my wife. He said he

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_00]: didn't know we were dating at the time and has since blocked my wife on social media.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Some folks have asked how the roommates didn't realize at our wedding that the

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: timelines didn't work out. The main reason is that my wife and I had a very small ceremony with

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00]: just close family in Texas then went back to East Coast to have a big party with friends.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_00]: The typical reception slash sharing details about how we met and stuff didn't really happen

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: so the roommates didn't realize we started dating before college. It sounds like they

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_00]: thought we only dated for the year we were both in the same city and moved in together.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I was open to therapy or some kind of attempt to save the marriage but

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_00]: her insistence that this whole thing is common and I'm the one who's at a line is just too much for

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: me. The only time she showed any remorse or offered to reconcile is when I started filing paperwork.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00]: In the last week she's gone back to saying she's right and I'm overreacting. This is also

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00]: why I'm feeling like I'm being gaslit. It seems so obvious that this is a major issue but

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I've got my wife and others telling me it's normal and I'm overreacting.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not getting a paternity test unless my kids want to get one. I don't have any

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00]: doubts that they are biologically mine and no test will make them not my kids. I love them more than

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: anything in the world and my wife's infidelity won't change that even if one or both of them

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_00]: is not biologically mine. They've been my kids for 19 years and they will be my kids until

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I stop breathing. Final edit. Hey all, I've seen a bunch of the responses but things are

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: getting crazy and increasingly unhinged. I probably won't be checking in anymore.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: There are a few more answers to common questions I've seen. We were definitely

[00:07:01] [SPEAKER_00]: exclusively dating at the time. First dating culture was a lot different 20 years ago

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: and exclusive was kind of the default for most people. Second,

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00]: got a long and difficult discussion before she left for college about

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_00]: continuing the relationship long distance. She specifically wanted to stay together

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00]: and even joked about her dad coming after me if I started sleeping around with girls at my school.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Finally, at my senior prom, she was not able to attend and was very upset when I proposed

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_00]: going with a platonic female friend of mine. As a result I ended up skipping my prom

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: and hanging out with her instead. While we never said the word exclusive,

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I think the above reasons combined with the general relationship before she left

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_00]: are enough to assume exclusivity. Based on some of the comments here I followed up with a

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: friend that said I should have an honest conversation. She told me that 10 guys would be on the low end

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and that her biggest concern was that there was apparently at least one pregnancy scare

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00]: that I didn't know about. I honestly don't think that changes much. It's less about the

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_00]: number for me and more about the fact that she seems incapable of recognizing why this was wrong

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: or why I feel betrayed. Thank you all for your helpful responses, even those that disagree

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00]: with me. I will be open to therapy if she's willing, but I honestly feel like it would be more about us

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00]: being successful co-parents and finding closure than saving our marriage. And I know all of this

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_00]: is wrong, but it's the dismissiveness about her at the moment, just gaslighting OP constantly.

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: You're overreacting to this, not acknowledging his feelings whatsoever.

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_00]: That commenter said the same to OP and OP replied saying it would change a lot if I felt

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_00]: she wanted to fix this. Throughout our conversation about it, she repeatedly dismissed my feelings and

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_00]: told me I was overreacting to totally normal behavior. She didn't show any regret or consideration for

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_00]: how it hurt me until she realized I was serious about divorce. Then she got defensive and angry.

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: She didn't offer to fix things in any way until I started the paperwork and notified her that

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I had a lawyer. I think we can navigate being parents. Our kids are older and I've

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_00]: been putting away money for college slash post high school for a long time.

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Though a lot of the custody and monetary issues that come up shouldn't be a big problem.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_00]: We're both financially stable and make good money. OP talks about their children and says

[00:09:25] [SPEAKER_00]: have some doubts about our marriage now, but those are my kids. My son looks like my younger

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_00]: clone and my daughter also bears a huge familial resemblance. I will be honest,

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_00]: even if a DNA test showed zero chance they were mine, I would never ever say a damn thing

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00]: about it. And I would still love them every ounce as much. OP comes in again and says I've hired a

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00]: lawyer, he drafted an intent to separate and sent her a copy certified mail. As far as I know,

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_00]: that's not any legal divorce paper with the state, but rather a part of the process to

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_00]: ensure that she has an opportunity to hire her own lawyer if she wants to contest it.

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Actually going through the divorce will likely take months.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not really moved out. I've been crashing at my brother's place while I make

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00]: arrangements for a more permanent living scenario. As far as timing goes, the dinner happened on the

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_00]: 26th. Went to my brother's house that night to cool off and give her a chance to think about things.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_00]: We talked several times over the course of four to five days and she made it clear that she

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_00]: didn't believe she did anything wrong. If there was any kind of remorse, regret or basic

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_00]: consideration of my feelings on her part, I probably would have waited. However, she didn't,

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_00]: so I found a divorce lawyer and he had boilerplate intent to separate agreements that

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_00]: we filled out and sent over the same day. Even now, but obviously not legally divorced and I

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_00]: don't know if there is a legal concept of separation in my state, but I've made it clear

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_00]: that this is happening and started the process. OP comes in with a first update and

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00]: first gives a TLDR which I'll recover because we just read it and then says,

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_00]: first let's talk about the things I learned about the situation in college.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00]: After talking to my wife in sessions and texting with two of her roommates,

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_00]: it's clear that our roommates knew something was up in college. They said that they thought the

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: situation was weird and likely involved cheating. My wife had told him that we both had some

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00]: wild times in college and worked it out before we got married, so they never really brought

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_00]: it up. The roommate who pulled me aside recently was uncomfortable with the fact that my wife

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00]: clearly didn't talk it through with me and wanted me to know. As far as being

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_00]: introduced to the guy she slept with, apparently that was not intended.

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_00]: One of the guys he ended up dating and then marrying one of our mutual friends from college.

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_00]: This is the guy she was in contact with. In other situations, she initially blamed me

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_00]: in the counselling session but has now agreed it was bad. When I went to visit her,

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_00]: she planned to hang out in the room or just hang out together alone,

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_00]: but I wanted to go to a few parties because in high school and community college,

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't really have parties to go to. She didn't expect me to meet the guys, but

[00:12:01] [SPEAKER_00]: they were at the parties and she felt she didn't really have a choice.

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I still think it's kind of shitty, but it's not as bad as her intentionally

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00]: parading me in front of the guys. Most of our discussion in therapy has been talking about

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_00]: why I think it's a big deal and she doesn't. She initially said that none of these guys

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_00]: were in relationships with her and it was mostly one-night stands or friends with benefits.

[00:12:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Then she didn't view them as romantic relationships, she didn't see it as a big deal.

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Her words, not mine. My opinion is that we never said that was okay and she actively prevented

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_00]: me from doing the same. After digging into this across two sessions and my wife talking to some

[00:12:38] [SPEAKER_00]: friends, she now agrees that it was a breach of our trust and relationship. This is a shared

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_00]: understanding that has helped us talk about the situation more honestly and helped us get

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_00]: from arguing to talking, which is why I'm optimistic about co-parenting.

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Now, here's why I'm 100% set on divorce. Two things came up that make me want to leave the

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00]: marriage. First, about 10 years ago, went through a really rough patch and had a dead bedroom for

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00]: about two years. She had expressed that our sex life was becoming boring. I tried to spice things

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_00]: up. Nothing crazy, just role play and like Spencer's gift level sex toys. Apparently she'd

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_00]: been hung up on some sexual experiences that happened in college, that she's not comfortable

[00:13:20] [SPEAKER_00]: talking about and wanted me to try them. But when I did, it made her feel awkward and guilty

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_00]: and it made her think of other men while she was with me. The fact that she's saying these

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_00]: experiences were meaningless but their still impacting our marriage tells me that they meant

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_00]: more than she wants to say. Second, she admitted that she's been flirting with co-workers on

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_00]: business trips since the pandemic ended. She says she has never slept with anybody.

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_00]: They got as far as going on a date with one of our male co-workers. That was the absolute deal

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_00]: breaker for me. We've told our children that we're getting a divorce. We told them it was due to some

[00:13:56] [SPEAKER_00]: bad decisions that we made in college and that we're having trouble moving past. My 19 year old

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_00]: who is in college asked me if I cheated on my wife while she was away at college. My wife got

[00:14:06] [SPEAKER_00]: a little shaken up but admitted to the kids that she's the one that cheated. We've agreed

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_00]: to not share any additional details with the kids. I reinforced that both of us would be there for

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_00]: the kids and that we're in therapy to help make sure we handle this in the best way for the family.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I also told the kids that if they wanted to talk to either of us or a therapist about it

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_00]: then I would fully support it. We started talking to a mediator about how to proceed

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_00]: with the divorce. And unless things change, we should be able to have an amicable divorce.

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_00]: We're both financially stable on our own and we have no major debts and our kids are older so

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_00]: custody isn't a major issue. This has been a shitty couple of months for me. I'm doing okay now and

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I honestly am grateful that my last post blew up because it both validated some of my feelings.

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_00]: It also motivated me to go to counseling with my wife. I know it's really difficult in text

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00]: format and you know this is coming from the husband side of things but it just sounds like

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_00]: the wife is so emotionless about this requiring friends to tell her you know that was a

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_00]: shitty thing to do and your husband's feelings are totally valid on this. Just feels really fucking

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_00]: cold but three and a half months later OP comes in with a final update and says hey all this is

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_00]: likely the final update on this account as things have mostly resolved. Our wife and I've completed

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_00]: our divorce and everything is official. We have an uncontested amicable divorce with minimal

[00:15:30] [SPEAKER_00]: disagreements. Our lawyers work together to create the plan through mediation and a judge

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_00]: signed off on it a few weeks ago. In the end the actual divorce process was pretty straightforward.

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_00]: The only complication was that our 17 year old was adamant about my having custody because

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_00]: their relationship with my ex-wife has really fallen apart as a result of this. Initially my

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_00]: wife dug in her heels and was ready to give up on the uncontested marriage but my son pretty

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_00]: much told her she could choose between letting him have a break for a few months to process

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: and rebuild or force him to live with her until he turns 18 and risk never seeing him again.

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt this was a bit harsh but my wife backed down and we moved forward with my having primary

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_00]: physical custody until my son's birthday later this year. For my part I've encouraged my son

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00]: to be open to fixing things as the actions my ex took before he was born didn't change the 17

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_00]: years she had cared for and loved him. Fortunately as the divorce moved forward

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_00]: it has been spending more time with my ex and I'm optimistic they will work through this.

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_00]: In the end we pretty much split our retirement and investments 50-50. For our house my wife

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_00]: really liked the house and I didn't so she kept the house and most of the furnishings and took

[00:16:43] [SPEAKER_00]: out a mortgage to pay me back half the equity and half the estimated replacement value of the

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_00]: furniture. Pretty much all of her other stuff was either easy to split, my car and her car,

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_00]: my music gear and her hobbies, clothing, personal effects etc. but we just agreed to sell it and

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00]: split the resulting profit. Things were a bit easier for us because we had already documented most of

[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_00]: our valuable items and electronics for an insurance rider we added to our home insurance a few years

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_00]: ago. Things have been going well for me personally both of the kids spend most of their time at

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00]: my place and we are still very close which was my biggest fear in the divorce. I have a new

[00:17:20] [SPEAKER_00]: house that I really love and I gave into the midlife crisis urge and traded my outdated minivan

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_00]: for a Lexus LC 550. I even had a woman at work not a close co-worker invite me out to a coffee date

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_00]: while I was up front with her that I'm not ready to date just yet she said she would be

[00:17:37] [SPEAKER_00]: happy to take a rain check and would be happy to go out with me when I'm ready. I'm honestly

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_00]: thrilled because she's really smart has a great sense of humour and our positions at work

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_00]: are far enough apart that we don't really work directly with each other at all.

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_00]: My ex and I are continuing to go through couples counselling together. We've transitioned into

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00]: having closure on our marriage and making sure we maintain our relationship enough to be

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_00]: effective co-parents. While these sessions have been great to help me process things and keep

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00]: things as healthy and positive as possible given the circumstances, it is also reinforced that

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_00]: divorce was the right option. It's clear from some answers in the sessions that my wife

[00:18:14] [SPEAKER_00]: immediately started dating once the divorce process started. So whatever love was there

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_00]: was clearly on the way out already. I'm pretty sure the co-worker she was just friends just dropped

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_00]: her off at our recent session. Just the fact it doesn't even really make me mad is a good sign

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_00]: that was also probably done with the marriage. In the end, it will take a long time for me

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_00]: to heal from the betrayal and I feel like I'm making good progress and I can honestly

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_00]: say that the divorce was unquestionably the right decision. I've probably cried more in

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_00]: the last four months than I have in the last 20 years, but for the last month or so I feel

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00]: genuinely good about myself for the first time in a long time. I'm enjoying having my own life,

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been busy getting my 17 year old ready for college in the fall and looking forward to

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_00]: a coffee date with a smart, funny woman in a month or two. And the top comment on that said,

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_00]: hang in there man, I've been following your story, first time comment at lol,

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_00]: but you've totally done the right thing by yourself and your son. Give yourself grace as

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_00]: you continue the process, but as you said you 100% did the right thing. And hey, good for you for having

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00]: what sounds like a lovely woman waiting for you. If anything that proves you're not only a good

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00]: person, but others recognize you'd be a catch of a partner. Keep living life, have loads of ups

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_00]: and downs, but clearly you're smart, capable and strong. You and your son will come out

[00:19:35] [SPEAKER_00]: alright. Time is a great either. And I feel like OP handled this the right way and things sound like

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_00]: they're going pretty amicable as possible. The only ever so slight gripe I've got, and you know

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_00]: there's not a big one, I don't feel like I'm writing it, I'm really unsure, is the son when

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00]: he gave like the ultimatum to the wife saying you know if you forced me to stay with you

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_00]: then I'm basically out of there when I turn 18 and you won't see me again.

[00:20:03] [SPEAKER_00]: OP said they felt this was a bit harsh and encouraged him to be open to fixing things,

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_00]: which I get. But as long as it's not like downplaying any of his feelings on the matter as

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_00]: well, because you know, I kind of feel like the kids are going to be feeling this kind of betrayal

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_00]: as well. It's not their relationship, but they're going to be feeling something about this

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_00]: as well. They're going to see that their dad's going to be hurting, they're hearing about

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00]: their mom's past history, may have picked up on the gaslighting, etc. And you can't expect

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_00]: them not to feel anything about this. But I'm sure OP's got it handled and you know,

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I really do wish you all the best for the future. Can't imagine the feelings and thoughts you've been

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_00]: going through all these months finding out new little bits of information like that

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_00]: whilst having someone downplay it, making you feel like that you are overreacting.

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_00]: That's heartbreaking man. But what do you guys make of this situation? What do you

[00:21:01] [SPEAKER_00]: think of that final update there? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_00]: so so much for being involved and hopefully I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.