I Didn't Want To Invite A Friend To Our Group Dinner As They Eat SO SLOW r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider? Do not like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:21] Now today's first story comes from Matta187 and says am I the arsehole by not inviting a slow eater to dinner night out?

[00:00:30] When I asked who is joining us, she names off three couples. The Jones couple, Davidson couple and Matisse couple.

[00:00:39] Now the Joneses and Davidsons I don't have an issue with and get along great. Matisse's though, Kelly Matisse is the slowest eater I've ever met.

[00:00:49] Back story. The first time we went out with the Matisse couple had a chain restaurant known for its pasta. She was slowly eating a salad. She ate each thing one at a time. When the main course was brought out, she wasn't done with her salad. And when everyone else had finished eating the main course, she was not even a quarter into a meal. She has taken tiny little bites of her meal. Meanwhile, she is engaging in the conversation at the table with smiles and laughter.

[00:01:18] But everyone else ate and finished at a normal pace. Our plates were taken away and hers remained with most of her food remaining untouched. She even got offended when the check was brought out and a server asked, can I box it up for you? In which she replied, I'm still eating. Almost 30 minutes later of us just sitting there. She only ate half a meal and said, oh, I'm full.

[00:01:44] Even at dinner parties, Kelly still eats painfully slow. It's painful to watch her take tiny little bites on kebabs, even though she's engaging in whatever conversation is going on at the table.

[00:01:55] Even when the coffee and dessert is brought out, she literally nibbles at her cake or fruit.

[00:02:01] So I told my wife no to Matisse couple. I explained why and she kind of agreed with me.

[00:02:07] It explains as almost a cultural thing. People take their time with family and friends at the dinner table in Turkey.

[00:02:14] However, I stood firm saying no because I didn't want the dinner to be dragged out longer than it had to be.

[00:02:20] My wife is kind of upset because she really likes Kelly's company and friendship.

[00:02:25] I asked if Kelly has a medical condition or social condition where she has to eat slowly and take tiny bites.

[00:02:31] Her response, not that I'm aware of.

[00:02:34] So again, I say no to the Matisse couple.

[00:02:37] This is the first time I downright do not want someone to join us for dinner.

[00:02:41] I like Bob Matisse, but I can't stand his wife eating so fucking slowly.

[00:02:46] Am I the asshole for not inviting this couple because the wife is a painfully slow eater?

[00:02:53] For your information, dinner was great and everyone ate at a normal pace with no complaints.

[00:03:00] Edits.

[00:03:01] Okay, so I asked my wife again if Kelly has a medical condition that makes her eat slowly.

[00:03:06] The answer is no.

[00:03:08] So out of curiosity, I text Bob and ask him the same thing.

[00:03:12] Again, the answer is no.

[00:03:13] Then I asked politely, why does Kelly eat so slowly and how Kelly does eat at home?

[00:03:19] According to Bob,

[00:03:20] I know how my wife eats food and I always dread it when we dine out.

[00:03:24] She's an incredibly slow eater.

[00:03:26] You are not the first to point this out.

[00:03:28] It could be just us or out as a group with friends.

[00:03:31] She eats very slowly because she's talking with others.

[00:03:35] She's focused on others and not on the meal.

[00:03:38] I didn't mind in Turkey because we would go out and have dinner for two or more hours.

[00:03:42] But here, it feels like we're rushed out whenever we go.

[00:03:45] When I have to tell her to eat or she'll just sit there and talk all night.

[00:03:49] When we're home alone, we don't talk at all when we eat.

[00:03:52] I don't even look at her.

[00:03:54] It forces her to eat at a regular speed.

[00:03:57] Now, I'm going to tell you straight up that this post was flagged as arsehole.

[00:04:03] But there was a mix of comments I was seeing below.

[00:04:05] So squids and brains says,

[00:04:07] So when the check arrives, that's when you're just about to leave.

[00:04:11] This woman ate for half an hour longer, meaning she only kept you half an hour by eating slowly.

[00:04:16] You're prioritizing 30 minutes of inconvenience over your wife's close friend.

[00:04:21] I understand the irritation, but you're still being an arse.

[00:04:24] A small one.

[00:04:25] You're the arsehole.

[00:04:27] Edit.

[00:04:28] A lot of people seem to be assuming I've never encountered this situation.

[00:04:32] I have.

[00:04:32] It can be annoying, but there's nowhere near as unbearable as folks are making it out to be.

[00:04:37] Unless OP has left out that they have somewhere scheduled to be after and this woman is causing them to miss it.

[00:04:43] I fail to see how this is so horrible of this woman.

[00:04:47] It's not long.

[00:04:48] Everyone is still talking.

[00:04:49] I think it's selfish for OP to entirely exclude a close friend of his wife before even considering a less nuclear option.

[00:04:56] Such as just asking the woman beforehand if she'd mind cutting her meal a little shorter once everyone is ready to leave.

[00:05:03] Westminster Abbey says, replying to that,

[00:05:05] I seriously doubt the waiters slash waitresses bring out the check as soon as everyone else was done eating.

[00:05:10] They probably came by a few times, checked out the table, asked if anyone else needed anything etc.

[00:05:16] Before finally bringing out the check.

[00:05:18] From the description it sounds like it was quite a while between everyone finishing and the waitress asking if Kelly wanted a box.

[00:05:24] She said she was still eating and then they waited another half hour for Kelly.

[00:05:28] So this was not just 30 minutes of inconvenience.

[00:05:31] Probably at least an hour.

[00:05:34] If this is a table of six and she wastes just an hour of everyone else's time,

[00:05:38] then she wasted a total of at least five hours.

[00:05:40] Probably more.

[00:05:42] I'm sure it could be argued that this isn't wasted time,

[00:05:44] but many people feel uncomfortable sitting at a restaurant table long after they finished eating.

[00:05:50] Hayes says,

[00:05:51] not the arsehole.

[00:05:52] It's really socially unaware of her to always do that when other people are finished.

[00:05:57] Especially if she's getting upset at waiters over bringing the check.

[00:06:01] I Love Katz replies to that and says,

[00:07:03] used to have a friend like this. She had a lot of issues with food and restaurants. One of them was

[00:07:08] taking forever to eat. She literally sat in a restaurant 45 minutes past closing. Like all

[00:07:14] other tables were cleared for the next day and we're the only customers in the restaurant.

[00:07:18] Obviously nibbling at her entree while her dessert sat untouched in front of her.

[00:07:23] Meaning that she wasn't even close to finish. Her reservation and seating were two hours before

[00:07:28] close. We finally just got up and left because we were exhausted and mortified by her disregard for

[00:07:34] the fact that literally everyone else in the room just wanted to go home and go to bed. It's not the

[00:07:40] slow eating. It's the failure to read the room and show regard for others. Have her around for dinner

[00:07:46] parties where she can eat slowly as she pleases. And I kind of feel the same as that comment. I get

[00:07:52] what people are saying you know enjoying each other's company eating at a certain pace and just

[00:07:57] like enjoying one another's company. I totally get that. I do that with friends. But I think like

[00:08:03] that last comment said reading the room is also a big part of socializing with friends. Respecting one

[00:08:10] another's time. Especially because you know the husband's apparently already pointed out this has

[00:08:14] been an issue in the past and people have mentioned it. And I kind of feel like if I was in her position

[00:08:19] and you know I'd find that awkward myself. Maybe that's just a me problem. Do I think this is a huge

[00:08:25] incident? No I don't. I don't think she's a bad person or anything. Clearly you know she's a good

[00:08:31] friend. But again like that last comment said I think you do need to read the room in social situations

[00:08:36] like that. So OP came in with her update and said backstory my wife has a close and awesome friend

[00:08:42] Kelly who's an incredibly slow eater. When I mean slow I mean slow. I first noticed this when we went

[00:08:50] out for pasta. We had all finished our food and she was only a quarter done. When the check came

[00:08:56] the waiter asked if she can box up her food but Kelly said I'm still eating. This wasn't the first

[00:09:01] nor was it the last time. I asked my wife if she has a medical condition that forces her to eat slow

[00:09:06] and she said no. I then asked her husband Bob through text and again he said no. Bob mentioned

[00:09:13] that when they go out to eat with others Kelly is too focused on people and the conversation that she

[00:09:18] doesn't eat. So at home when they eat he absolutely does not talk to her or even look at her. I found

[00:09:25] that a bit bizarre. Which forces Kelly to eat at a normal or regular pace. Then my wife started asking

[00:09:32] around her friends if they'd noticed Kelly eating slowly. To our surprise the response was no.

[00:09:38] At least not until that point. My wife makes plans for a group of seven of us to go out for dinner

[00:09:44] but told me to choose the place. It's mostly other women involved. I asked if Kelly and husband were

[00:09:49] coming and she confirmed that they were. So our party will be me, my wife, Kelly, Bob and three

[00:09:55] other lady friends for dinner. I picked an all you can eat but you cook your own food Korean barbecue

[00:10:00] place. To catch you only have a two hour time limit. I thought this would force Kelly to eat at a

[00:10:06] normal pace. Nope. We were seated at 7 45. At the two hour mark the waiters shut off our burners and

[00:10:14] brought the check. Kelly still had her first and second serving on her plate. She told the waiter

[00:10:21] I'm still eating. They kindly explained that we'd hit our two hour limit and that they needed the table.

[00:10:27] Kelly is obviously upset but can't do anything about it. After we pay we're outside the restaurant and the

[00:10:34] ladies are making plans to get coffee or something. Then it happened. Kelly said can we go somewhere

[00:10:40] where they serve food? I'm actually still hungry. Hopi's wife said did you not eat enough in there?

[00:10:45] Kelly said no I didn't get a chance to finish since our time was up. Bob said seriously we had two hours.

[00:10:52] What were you doing in those two hours? Kelly said it wasn't two hours. You're being unreasonable again.

[00:10:58] Friend number one says no it was literally two hours. The waiter told us we had two hours at the

[00:11:03] beginning and they kept the timer. Did you not notice all the food we were cooking? Kelly said it

[00:11:09] couldn't have been two hours. There's no way. The timer must have been off. I saw the food and it smelled

[00:11:15] really really good. Bob then says then why didn't you eat? Between me and OP we alone had nine servings

[00:11:22] between us. Kelly said whatever. The point is I'm hungry. Let's go somewhere they serve food. The ladies

[00:11:28] looked a bit annoyed but agreed to go somewhere they can have coffee and Kelly can eat. Bob and I

[00:11:34] decided not to join them. Bob had to work the next day so he went and I wanted to catch the last few

[00:11:40] night races and I went home. At around 1 30 a.m my wife returned home and told me the events that

[00:11:47] happened. They went to a middle eastern lounge slash restaurant and the ladies ordered coffee and dessert

[00:11:52] and Kelly ordered a meal. At 12 30 the ladies were ready to call it a night and again Kelly did not eat

[00:11:59] her entire meal. Now everyone began questioning Kelly and her eating habits. Being put on the spot and

[00:12:06] now overwhelmed Kelly went outside to calm down. My wife followed her outside and tried to defuse the

[00:12:12] situation with Kelly but she was very defensive. She tried to tell Kelly that it's not really a big

[00:12:18] deal but people are now more aware and concerned of her eating habit since I her husband pointed it out

[00:12:24] and her husband Bob confirmed it. It didn't help and Kelly called her husband and went off on him.

[00:12:31] My wife took Kelly home but they didn't talk much. I think the damage has been done.

[00:12:38] And there was a whole mix of comments below this one wondering what it could be. Some people saying

[00:12:43] potential ADHD. Other people saying a potential eating disorder. Some undiagnosed mental condition.

[00:12:52] Other people saying that was just way too long. And others saying you know it's a social gathering.

[00:12:57] What's the issue here? And if I'm being completely honest in parts of the update where you know they

[00:13:05] came out the restaurant and she insisted on finding somewhere else to eat because she didn't eat or

[00:13:09] anything during that time it did slightly annoy me. I have to be honest when I say that when I was

[00:13:15] reading it. But at the same time when we got to the end I did feel concerned for Kelly. Much like her

[00:13:20] friends did. That they were aware and concerned of what was going on because they feel it might be

[00:13:26] something else. Obviously we don't know the full ins and outs and I don't think you should pressure

[00:13:32] someone to give up information they don't want to give. But if this was my friend in my situation

[00:13:37] I'd want to talk to them and ask them if there's any way that I can help. In the end she might be

[00:13:43] just a slow eater. That might be just it. But we're talking about friendships here and I think

[00:13:47] communication between friends is important. I often talk to a friend about like how he's feeling

[00:13:52] mentally and stuff like that. And whilst I understand not everyone wants to do that I think

[00:13:57] if you can it's a good thing to do. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you

[00:14:02] guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's

[00:14:08] move on to another story. Now our next story comes from ConfusedDad who says am I the arsehole for

[00:14:15] blowing up at my wife over my daughter's school picture? It does come with an update as well.

[00:14:21] Throw away and fake names. I, 60 male, have been married to my wife, 51 female, for around 15 years.

[00:14:29] We have a beautiful daughter named Ha Young, 17 female. Who is in her junior year of high school.

[00:14:36] Yesterday after school Ha Young came up to me and my wife and showed me her school pictures.

[00:14:42] Both her individual photo and her group slash grade photo. They were all taken way back in February but

[00:14:48] they just arrived today. I complimented Ha Young and told her how beautiful she looked in the photos

[00:14:54] before telling her how proud I was to see her grow up throughout the ages. Before showing my wife the

[00:15:00] pictures of our daughter. It did not go the way I thought slash hoped it would go. Instead of looking

[00:15:06] at it for a bit before saying something my wife immediately pointed out to Ha Young that she was

[00:15:11] looking too downward at the camera and that her eyes looked strained and forced. I was a bit taken

[00:15:17] aback at first but I decided to just keep listening. My wife then said to my daughter she would have to

[00:15:22] have rehearsals for school pictures with her for next year. Because in my wife's words Ha Young still

[00:15:28] doesn't understand how to properly pose, smile and look beautiful for a school picture. I was a bit

[00:15:34] irritated but I let it slide. What sent me off though was when my wife then said Ha Young's picture is a

[00:15:41] fail. Honestly Melissa looks the prettiest out of everyone. Ha Young got quiet and said I'm gonna be

[00:15:48] honest. My picture this year is really bad compared to sophomore year. I got mad that evening. We had a

[00:15:54] huge argument in the living room. I told my wife that she was being cruel to our daughter and since school

[00:16:00] pictures were over there was no point being so picky over it. My wife retaliated saying that even Ha Young

[00:16:06] says that she doesn't like how she looks in a school picture. I was just being honest. I'm only trying to

[00:16:12] help her. She then went into her room and started crying saying that I don't understand her. I will admit

[00:16:18] I raised my voice while we're having that argument and I'm seriously sitting here questioning myself

[00:16:23] about whether I was the asshole or not. After our argument I knocked on Ha Young's door and I could

[00:16:29] tell by her expression that she had listened to every piece of the argument. I feel bad because I may have

[00:16:35] overreacted to something as simple as school pictures. Plus I ruined my daughter's evening and my wife's

[00:16:41] too and I also made my wife cry. So Reddit, am I the asshole?

[00:16:47] Edits, this is not the first time my wife has said something like this. This is why I feel even more

[00:16:53] terrible because I let my daughter suffer like this. I did give my wife a word or two but I always told

[00:16:58] Ha Young that this was just the way she spoke and that she really did love her. I really want to cry now.

[00:17:05] Especially overhearing Ha Young crying herself to sleep yesterday night. She always kept on a brave

[00:17:10] face around me and my wife but it just breaks me even more now knowing she feels like she can't

[00:17:15] talk to me either. Failed her. Ha Young always asked me every morning if she looked beautiful.

[00:17:22] She would always ask at meal times as she was eating too much. I'm so afraid of the damage we both put

[00:17:27] her through for so long. I'm so scared she's going to develop an eating disorder and I'm going to make

[00:17:32] sure to set things straight with my wife and take care of my daughter better. She is always my first

[00:17:38] priority. Edit 2. I was taken off guard even though my wife has made responses like this in the past

[00:17:45] because though it's not the first time I had a little bit of hope left that she wouldn't point

[00:17:50] out Ha Young's appearance but outright in her school photo. The commenter says, I'm guessing based on the

[00:17:56] fake name that your wife is Korean. I know beauty standards there are super high and she could be

[00:18:02] projecting her own insecurities and maybe even comments that she got when she was young. Of

[00:18:07] course this is not okay but it could be worth sitting down with her and having a talk.

[00:18:12] OP says you were right on that. Me and my wife are both Korean. I know beauty standards there are super

[00:18:18] tough so I'm probably going to talk to my wife privately to understand why she said that

[00:18:22] and check up on Ha Young a bit before talking with my wife. I know she's super shaken up so the best I

[00:18:29] can do is be the best father I can. She will always be my Anul and Bada, Sky and Sea. OP also replies to

[00:18:38] another commenter and says I've lived in the States longer than in Korea now. The commenter says to OP,

[00:18:43] do Korean women tend to have very high beauty and maintenance standards? And no, you are not in the

[00:18:49] wrong. Teenage girls are already extremely sensitive about their look so your compliment was kind and

[00:18:55] nurturing. OP says I cannot speak on behalf of everyone. I know that the beauty standards are

[00:19:01] extremely tough there. I've heard people commenting about the fatness slash skinniness of people's

[00:19:06] bodies. I sometimes heard conversations about K-pop idols' bodies and faces, makeup, surgery, etc.

[00:19:13] OP also added their own comment and said hello everyone, OP here. Tonight since my wife is working a night

[00:19:18] shift today. I decided I'm going to stay together with Ha Young for a daddy daughter date. I know it

[00:19:24] doesn't matter whether we go out or not. All that matters is that I'm with her. I'm planning on making

[00:19:29] her some of her favorite foods and spending quality time as an apology for not being there when I

[00:19:33] should have been. She loves chap chair, gelbee and cream bungopang. Bungopang. Bungopang.

[00:19:41] Ah sorry, I did look up pronunciations for those. I do apologize. I asked Ha Young beforehand whether

[00:19:47] she wanted to stay at home or go out and she wanted to stay at home and she chose to go with

[00:19:52] the first option. I'll let you know how it goes. So OP came in five weeks later with an update and

[00:19:58] said first of all I'd like to thank everyone for their generous comments and advice. As promised here

[00:20:03] is the update. After my wife left for work I decided to check up on my daughter. She was in her room doing

[00:20:10] her homework and I can tell by the forced expression that she was not okay. As she talked everything began

[00:20:16] to make sense. My daughter overheard her mother shaming her in front of the other church mums.

[00:20:21] She heard them boasting about their kids and her mother would use condescending modesty. Example,

[00:20:27] she gained weight and she doesn't even study hard. She was tired of trying to surpass my wife's

[00:20:33] expectations. She couldn't stand it when my wife was in the house. She asked me why am I her diamond?

[00:20:39] She cuts me to make me shine. How more of this should I take? I prepared her all the foods I promised

[00:20:44] to make and she was hesitant but ate a lot more than when my wife was around. She wanted to further

[00:20:50] talk with me. I then asked if she wanted me to tell my wife how she felt. Hayoung said it was the only

[00:20:57] way to get her to listen or telling me she wants me to get a divorce. I asked her if she was absolutely

[00:21:04] sure as it was something very serious. She said she was fine with it. I'm just devastated it has reached

[00:21:11] this point. When Hayoung was at school, I had a conversation with my wife. I brought up Hayoung's

[00:21:17] concerns along with mine. I asked my wife what made her put down my daughter on the day of the school

[00:21:23] picture incident. She made excuses such as having bad days and she'd accidentally release her anger

[00:21:29] and other emotions by yelling for silent treatment etc. I questioned further if there was anything in

[00:21:36] the past that was bothering her. But she replied snarkily, nothing is bothering me. I raised her

[00:21:41] into a better person. If you have problems with how I'm raising her, she's all yours. I don't want to

[00:21:47] argue anymore, especially with a sensitive lazy person like you. We had a lot of arguments in the

[00:21:53] past on raising Hayoung. This phrase was used in all of our arguments to shut me up. As Hayoung was

[00:21:58] consistently used as an emotional punching bag and a trophy for my wife. This was the last straw.

[00:22:04] I told my wife, we were done. Then I told her to pack up and leave. I thanked her for letting me

[00:22:11] realize my self-worth. After some time had passed, she had driven to her parents' house and was

[00:22:17] staying there for a bit. When Hayoung came back, she noticed her mom's room was a lot bearer than it

[00:22:22] was and knew what had happened. I hugged Hayoung and told her I'm sorry for the mess I had caused,

[00:22:28] before reassuring her that nothing was her fault. I told my ex-wife we'd come back a few more times to

[00:22:33] collect the rest of her stuff, but our relationship was over. This event shook me up a lot, but I know

[00:22:39] a lot of things will get better. I'm trying to make Hayoung always feel loved. Hayoung, you are my

[00:22:44] universe and that will never change. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys

[00:22:51] make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you

[00:22:58] from the bottom of my heart for getting bold in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time

[00:23:03] always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And don't forget at the very end of

[00:23:08] the video, there'll be a couple of playlists there you can click on and it will automatically scroll

[00:23:12] through all the videos for you. So while you're doing a bit of crocheting, a bit of artwork, a bit of

[00:23:18] walking, a bit of driving, getting some of those pesky chores done whilst listening in. Don't forget to let

[00:23:24] me know what you're up to by the way at Mark Narrations over on Twitter. Would love to hear it,

[00:23:29] but that playlist will continue to keep scrolling in the background and I will see you in the next

[00:23:35] one. Take care and much love.