I Cut Off My Parents After They Planned To Leave EVERYTHING To My Disabled Brother r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Wenn ihr Fans von True Crime und mehr seid und ihr früher vielleicht sogar X-Faktor das Unfassbar geguckt habt, dann wird euch unser Grusel- und Mystery-Podcast zum Mitraten Geschichten aus dem Altbau sicher gefallen. Josch und ich erzählen in jeder Folge zwei gruselige oder übernatürliche Geschichten und ihr dürft am Ende jeder Folge miträtseln, ob die Geschichten einen wahren Kern haben oder ob wir uns die ausgedacht haben. Die Auflösung gibt es dann immer in der Folge Episode.

[00:00:28] Anhören tut sich das Ganze dann in etwa so. Moin und herzlich willkommen bei Geschichten aus dem Altbau. Ich bin was ganz perfid auf der Spur. Dem Grusel-Podcast mit dem X-Faktor. Ihr lernt hier auch einfach was. Voller schauriger Ereignisse. Mysteriöser Vorkommnisse. Und unerklärbare Phänomene. Meine Geschichte trägt den Titel Quid und Quo. Stubenarrest. Du bist hier der Liebling. Ich bin immer nur der zum Draufhauen. Es war ihr Vater.

[00:00:57] Ein Mark erschütternder Schrei in Folie. Er grinste sie an. Ich sag, du hast es ausgedacht. Kann so eigentlich nicht passiert sein. Die Geschichte ist falsch. Das ist kein Wort, das sagt man so nicht. Bis zur nächsten Geschichte aus dem Altbau. Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:01:27] And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from awayjaguar2813 and says, am I the arsehole here for cutting off my parents because they plan on leaving almost everything to my disabled brother. My 24 female brother, 32 male is a failure to launch. He's never been very smart.

[00:01:56] He did badly in school and never went to college. He tried two different trade schools, welding and mechanic, but he basically flunked out of both. He works at a gas station now. My brother and I are our parents only children. They always treated us relatively equal until adulthood. They always insisted we earn our own way. They refused to pay for college or anything.

[00:02:20] I joined the military at 17, got an associates degree while I was in and my GI Bill went towards my bachelor's. I'm working towards my master's now. My husband and I have bought a house and have done well for ourselves. My parents, however, fully paid for my brother to try trade school twice. They've given him cash when he was behind on rent and countless loans. They support him cosplaying as an adult. Meanwhile, they never paid for my wedding, education, nothing.

[00:02:51] I don't really care so much that they didn't give me money, but the disparity in how they've treated me versus my brother. Our parents are in their 60s now and while they aren't that old, they're both in bad health and probably won't live another 10 years. They just recently started working on their will and notified us that they were leaving almost everything to my brother. But they want me to be their medical power of attorney, manage their estate, etc.

[00:03:17] I told my parents to give my brother everything and I'm completely done with them. They told me to have some grace and understand the fact that he isn't very capable and needs their support, even after they're gone. My mother has a doctor's appointment this morning and asked me for a ride since she medically can't work. I told her to ask her favourite child or pay for an Uber. Things have been tense and hostile. My brother called me to apologise and asked me to not be mad at him. But I told him that I'm not mad at him.

[00:03:46] I'm mad at our parents for not treating us equally and he didn't do anything wrong. Am I the arsehole here? I meant to put disabled in quotation marks. My mother refers to my brother as disabled even though he isn't. She's had him tested for every kind of learning disability there is. He just has a below average IQ. She thinks that counts as a disability when it isn't. Lyme International says not the arsehole.

[00:04:14] I like how they told you that you're an adult and not entitled to their help and you threw those words right back in their faces. Aggie replies saying parents said you're gonna put us in a nursing home. Oopi says no, you can put yourself in a nursing home. Classic thinking she would take care of them in their old age so they don't go to a nursing home while bro rides off into the sunset with all the money. Wittybutter says they tell you they're not leaving you a dime yet expect you to care for them in their old age.

[00:04:42] Drive them places and handle the estate when they die. Do they not see how ludicrous they are? Trails says not the arsehole. They cried when you told them you were going to treat them just the way they treated you. That's how mean they've been to you. You made the right choice. If they can dump a vulnerable 17 year old girl on the army, then they have no claims on your time and help. And one more comment which says, I'm sorry that your parents are narcissistic twats.

[00:05:10] As a mother, I can definitely understand the point of wanting to protect and support a child in need. But never the blatant favoritism. That makes me feel sick. But you really gave them a chance which they really didn't deserve. And they showed you their true colors. Cut them off. Build your life and do whatever makes you happy. Without their crazy bullshit. So OP came in with an update and said, hey, so the consensus on my post was a bit of a mixed bag.

[00:05:37] I sat down with my parents and I wanted to give an update and answers to some stuff. My brother is not actually disabled. He has a low IQ. Just over 80. You need an IQ under 70 where I live to be considered disabled and to qualify for any sort of benefits. My parents have babied him because from a young age, he wasn't as smart as other kids and had a low self-esteem because of that. And was quick to give up on things when they seemed too hard. He does okay on his own now.

[00:06:05] He works and pays his bills most of the time. He drives and lives with a roommate. On to the update. I sat down with my parents and explained that I've always felt they treated me worse than my brother. He always emphasized to me that as an adult, you need to support yourself and figure things out on your own. I had to join the military at 17 because I knew they'd kick me out when I was 18. My parents never offered me any support outside of raising me as a child. They didn't buy my husband and I a wedding gift.

[00:06:34] They didn't offer much of anything. Meanwhile, they brag about having over a million dollars in the bank and having succeeded from nothing. Meanwhile, they paid to put my brother through two trade schools that he failed out of. Offered him money to start his own business. They've always bailed him out when he was short on rent. For me, it's not so much about the money, but about the disparity in how we've been treated. It's obvious that they loved and cared for him more. Because they were willing to do these things for him and not me.

[00:07:03] But despite them not being there for me, I've still done really well in life. I told my parents about all of this. And they were interrupting me and talking over me the whole time. They told me I'm not entitled to a dime when they die. And that I'm an adult and I can handle myself. They just weren't understanding or even caring about my point. They told me I need to step up and treat them better. And that it's wrong of me to not take my sick mother to the doctor or take care of her because of money.

[00:07:31] Eventually, I just gave up on trying to talk about my feelings. They just don't care. I told them that they're adults and they're not entitled to anything from me. Ooh, spicy. Just like how they were never required to help me. I'm not required to help them. I told them to completely remove me from their will. I'm not willing to be their estate executor. Medical power of attorney. Nothing. I don't want a dime from them at this point.

[00:07:57] And I suggested they spend all their money they've saved over the years to pay for really good nursing homes. And an estate executor. Because I'm no longer willing to do anything for them. My mother was floored and asked if I'd really put my own parents in a nursing home. I asked if they'd really let their 17-year-old daughter join the army to get sexually harassed by older men in order to go to school without taking on a huge debt. My parents cried and yelled at me. And I left. And that's that I guess.

[00:08:27] I kind of feel relieved. Like a massive weight is off my shoulders. I have a wonderful husband. We own a nice home. I'm getting ready to start working on my master's degree and we're thinking maybe having a baby soon. I no longer have to worry about dealing with my parents. They're adults and they can deal with their own problems. Just like I've done with mine. And yeah, that's it. I'm not sure if it's the update we wanted. But it is what it is. And personally, I think that's a good outcome for OP in the end.

[00:08:56] Do I think that's the end of the parents for now? Absolutely not. I think if those parents get any hint that there's going to be a baby involved, they'll want to be back in there. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Miss Black Cat who says Am I the asshole here for going no contact with my mom and destroying my brother's perfect family?

[00:09:24] Long story, I will try to boil it down. I am 46 female and my brother is 35 male. My brother is the golden child ever since he was born. It's another golden child. My mother was never the same towards me. I've never held that against him as he didn't choose this role and I know he feels guilty. Even though I know it's not his fault. And I tell him that. I practically raised my brother from the age of 6 months old to 5 years old when I moved out.

[00:09:52] I was 11 years old when I started taking care of him. Changing diapers, feeding him, bathing him and putting him to sleep. I used to take him with me to visit and play with my friends. I loved him like he was my own son and still consider him my first child. My mom has periodically been verbally abusive towards me since I was 11 years old. Screaming at me, calling me ungrateful, spoiled and untrustworthy. Although I have never been any of that.

[00:10:20] When she wasn't being abusive, she was either a loving mom or distant and neglectful. This has obviously fucked my head as I loved the loving mom. But the other side of her has been hurting me for 35 years. She has only said sorry once and it was said in a mocking childish way. Sorry, sorry, sorry, okay, sorry. My mom is also incredibly manipulative. I have tried to forgive her and give her a second chance over and over for 35 years.

[00:10:50] And for 35 years I have suffered the abuse 2-3 times a year and a lot more often when I was a teenager. I have suffered through all of this for my brother's sake. I didn't want to leave him behind with only my mom as family. My dad died when my brother was 14. He was verbally abusive too. After my mom's last attack, I was done. I have a chronic pain condition that is affected by stress and it's getting worse for every attack. Not to mention my mental health suffering.

[00:11:19] I cut contact with my mom in February. And my brother has been trying to get me to forgive my mom and let her back in my life ever since. I can't take the abusive mom anymore. But I'm also grieving the loving mom I'm losing too. My brother kept guilt tripping me and I finally lost it. I screamed at him. Do you have any idea what dark places mom makes me go to? That last time she attacked me, I didn't want to be here anymore. I was desperately trying to make him understand. He hung up on me.

[00:11:47] I wrote him a very long message explaining everything I have gone through and that he needed to respect my decision and my boundaries. The next Monday, I get a phone call from my doctor. She needed to do a welfare check on me as my mom had called her with concern for my well-being. I wrote to my brother. I asked you to respect my boundaries and you contact my doctor. Wow. His answer, you are sick and need help. I will talk to you when you are better.

[00:12:13] I'm devastated and unbelievably hurt and I haven't responded. It has now been more than two months with no communication. I realize that he is being manipulated by my mom, but I'm still incredibly hurt. My brother and I have always been very close and this is killing me and this is making me second guess everything. So Reddit, am I the arsehole here? Of course you're not the arsehole in this situation and you need to continue what you're doing.

[00:12:40] You were parentified and abused from a very young age and you've gone through this for 35 years. And the sad reality of it is that your brother has become an enabler of your mother's abuse. You know, he could have acknowledged that everything that you experienced, the trauma that you experienced, including being parentified as a child to raise him, but instead he's choosing to believe that you're sick rather than face the truth about your mother.

[00:13:08] In the end, you didn't destroy anything. You stopped setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm. He may turn it around at some point and realize what's going on, but then there's another conversation for you to have whether you want to accept that because I can only imagine that you're incredibly hurt right now. He says, um, I read it as worse. A brother told the mother private information between them. Their mother called the police. My mom had called her with concern for my wellbeing.

[00:13:38] If OP's brother had called for a welfare check, given he might've understood, I don't want to be here anymore as a plea for help. That would be different. But sharing OP's condition with their mother, when OP had blamed her was the betrayal. OP says, yes, my brother told my mother. And knowing my mom, she used the information to manipulate him. Saying things like, see, I told you she is mentally ill. I think we must call her doctor and have her committed. And I think it's best you leave her alone.

[00:14:07] It would be the thing that she would say. For the sole purpose of putting a wedge between us. She's always been jealous of how close we are. But what did she expect would happen when she handed 11 year old me, my six month old brother and basically said, here you go. Take care of him. I'm going to lay in bed and read magazines and eat chocolate. Disastrous says, don't ever speak to them again. You have to block them on everything and move away if you must. You can't afford to have these people in your life. Or your mental health will continue to suffer.

[00:14:37] You have to face the fact that these people don't give a fuck about you and never have. Good luck. OP says, thank you. My mom is blocked on everything, but moving away is not an option for me. And I chose to leave the door open a tiny bit for my brother. Just in case he ever realizes that he's being manipulated. But I refuse to reach out to him. And if he reaches out to me, it better be with an apology. Difficult bus says, OP going no contact with mother and possibly by extension her brother

[00:15:06] makes sense given mother's mental abuse and her brother's unwillingness to accept OP's boundaries regarding their mother. That said, OP did mention to her brother, possibly wanting to end herself after an argument with the mother. Calling for a wellness check makes sense in that situation. OP replied saying, I don't think it makes sense asking for a wellness check from my doctor eight months after said incident. It was my mother who called the doctor two months ago after the fight with my brother.

[00:15:33] It was a brief spiraling into the dark that I was able to pull myself out of in about 20 minutes. Something I've had to do every attack since I was 11 years old. He knows this. He saw me every day for two weeks over the summer and could see with his own eyes that I was okay. He was trying to mend things between my mother and me then too. When he tried to guilt trip me two months ago is when I finally snapped and yelled at him to stop and respect my boundaries. That I couldn't allow mother to push me into that darkness anymore.

[00:16:02] He then went to my mother and she contacted my doctor. Sorry if I'm not being clear. It's hard to boil it all down to a few sentences. Turbo says, depending on the conversation he had with your doctor and what the doctor disclosed about you. They broke patient confidentiality. The doctor could literally lose their license if you file a complaint with a licensing board. Honestly, if you're not already, you need therapy.

[00:16:27] It will help you to figure out how to navigate a relationship with your brother while he's still connected to your mom. It will also help you to process the grief of losing your loving mom. But just know that the abuse you've already been receiving the majority of your life is what you need to escape and is why you need to go no contact. Is it possible to continue having a relationship with your brother while no contact with your mom? Yes, but it will be difficult, especially if he continues to cross boundaries.

[00:16:53] It also doesn't matter what your brother's perfect family is because it isn't your perfect family. Your brother is 35. You need to let go of your mother's tit and cut the umbilical cord. ETA, I just realized that you might have said doctor, but that it could definitely be a therapist you're referring to. Since they were doing a welfare check. I haven't heard of a medical doctor doing that, but everything else I said remains the same. Including the fact that they could lose their license if you file a complaint.

[00:17:22] OP says, it was my family doctor, a GP. She's also my mother's doctor. She did not disclose any information to her. She just listened to my side of the story and completely sided with me. Her sister is the golden child, so she knew right away where I was coming from. She made a note in my files not to disclose any information to my family. And they didn't even ask her to. She has a duty to check on her patients if her relative contacts her to ask her to do a wellness check. Our laws are perhaps different from the USA or UK.

[00:17:52] I'm in Europe. I've been in therapy for three years and this is why I have the strength to go no contact with any and everyone who is harmful to my well-being. My relationship with my brother can only be saved if he gives me a massive apology and I promise to respect my boundaries and future. If not, he's on his own. I will not engage with him until he does. Crazy Key says your brother is an adult now. You even said he noticed how mum treated him better and felt guilty.

[00:18:19] He very well can make his own decision and no one has to scream and fight just to tell her she cannot treat you that way. It's been this way his whole life and all you've tried to do is help and he's not putting up with the treatment of you anymore. Chicken change or contact will be cut. Not the asshole OP. Hang in there. Family really sucks and no one hurts you more, especially your own parents. OP said thank you. He has spoken up for me before on a couple of occasions.

[00:18:46] So I still have hope that he will see how much hurt he caused me and that he will apologize and respect my boundaries. I will never allow my mum back into my life as I don't believe she will ever change. That bridge is burned for me, but my brother has never hurt me like this before. I still very much want him in my life, but I will not be the one trying to reach out to him. He needs to decide if he wants me in his life and see the error of his ways. And one final comment from Ford Plenty who says not the asshole.

[00:19:16] That is the dynamic of the golden child. He has to take up his mother's cause over his own or yours. You think of it as manipulating him to call your doctor. But it was his choice to choose what your mother said over you because he had been conditioned to do so for his whole life. So I call this the trash taking itself out. He made the decision to cut you out of his life because you cut your mother out of your life. He can't risk losing golden child status by supporting you. It hurts for sure.

[00:19:43] But you have the opportunity to work on your mental health without your mother's awful influence. And your brother's insidious support over his mother against you. Whether you realized it or not. OP says thank you for the support. My life has been a lot more peaceful and my mental state is more stress free since I went no contact with my mother. It just hurts like hell losing him in the process. So OP came in with our update and said first a little extra information as this is relevant.

[00:20:10] My brother lives in another country and he visits twice a year. That's summer and Christmas. I've hosted Christmas for the last 20 or so years. And he has spent nearly every Christmas with me. Something I always look forward to. He sleeps at our mom's house as she has a guest bedroom but spends hours at my place every day he's here. We celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve in my country. My mom lives five minutes away by foot. So very close to my house. Now for the update.

[00:20:38] I learned that my brother came to town on December 16th from my oldest daughter. I didn't hear anything from him. I was miserable. My boyfriend saw me get more and more sad and depressed as the days went by up to Christmas Eve. The thought of him leaving the country again without seeing him was ripping my heart apart. And my boyfriend knew that. He is himself a younger brother with an older sister. And he told me that my brother was undoubtedly too scared to reach out to me. Big sisters are scary when they're mad.

[00:21:07] After a lot of persuasion, he got me to reach out to him. He suggested I message him. Want to talk. I couldn't get myself to do that so I sent him a gif of a woman opening her door smiling with a big welcome sign by the door instead. And then I waited. Nothing. No reply. Christmas Eve comes and I'm in no mood to celebrate. But I have to get it together for the kids sake. I go take a shower and hear the pling from my phone. It's a message from my brother. It said.

[00:21:36] Three heart emojis. Can I come give you a hug? I'm sorry I hurt you. I was afraid I had damaged our relationship forever. I felt like sobbing with relief. I told him of course you can. He came over after dinner and we talked. There were tears from both of us. Especially from him. It was plain to see that this had taken his toll on him too. He was genuinely sorry and told me it was our mother who had contacted my doctor not him. I already knew that.

[00:22:04] He said he had accepted that my mom and I were better off being apart. That the relationship couldn't be saved. This was everything I had hoped for. We spent the rest of his trip connecting again. Talked and played board games like we always do. This was my Christmas miracle. I got my baby brother back. He flew back home today. This is my update. And I think it's fair to say on the back of this one there was a lot of comments. Still like against the brother. Not happy with the brother.

[00:22:34] Saying that OP is too gullible etc. And I'll be honest I felt mixed about that. I wasn't totally sure. You know it could be a bad take. I often make bad takes. But I kind of felt like it was a good step towards breaking away from a manipulative family member. Yes he fucked up. Absolutely. I'm not saying he didn't. It's just that we've seen it time and time again. How you know things get normalized. And breaking free from that.

[00:23:02] And understanding this normalization and abusive behaviors etc etc. I think it was a good step to move away from that. Absolutely not perfect. Sure. And it all might blow up again at some point. But I think as long as OP is careful and you know takes it slowly and just sees how he acts etc. It could potentially be good for them. I don't know though. I'm sure. I'm sure some people would. I'm sure a lot of people would disagree with that.

[00:23:31] But what do you guys make of this situation. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.