I Can't Handle Fiance's Driving Anxiety And I Don't Care If It Makes Me A Bad Person | Reddit

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story is coming from the true off my chest subreddit from Driving Anxiety Throwaway who says I can no longer handle my fiance's driving anxiety. I don't care if it makes me a bad person. I 31 male, am at my wits end and I don't even care if it makes me a bad person. My fiance 32 male has crippling driving anxiety. He can't drive at all. We live in a rural area of the province.

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_00] There is no public transportation here. Not like in the city. There are no buses, no Ubers, no taxis. There is no way to get around if you can't drive. Because of his driving anxiety my fiance doesn't have a driver's license and he doesn't know how to drive. He depends on other people to get him around and I'm sick of it. We've argued about this so much. He's never tried to overcome it or go to therapy or anything. He just flat out refuses.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_00] He used to depend on his parents to drive him. Then it was his roommate and now it's me. I'm sick of having to be the one who has to drive or get in places. He worked from home full time but anytime he needs to go somewhere, it's on me. When I was in the armed forces, my role was to drive all different types of vehicles. Now I'm an electrician so I drive all over the province to people's homes or commercial businesses for my job.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00] I do actually enjoy driving. My fiance thinks that since I like driving, it's no problem that he doesn't drive. He won't learn. He won't go to therapy. When he still lived at home, his younger sister refused to get her license until she went to university because she didn't want to get stuck being his driver like their parents wanted. He turned down a promotion slash better job because it wasn't just working remotely and he'd have to go into the office physically some of the time.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_00] I wish I'd not let it get this far. It's been a sore point in our relationship for a long time. He refuses to see a therapist or work to get over his fear. He won't even admit to having a problem. He's never been involved in a car accident or known anyone who has been hurt or killed so I don't know why he gets so anxious. He has never even attempted to drive even once. Our last argument was because I refused to drive four hours one way and back by myself for a wedding we were both invited to.

[00:02:39] [SPEAKER_00] I'd only do it if I could share the responsibilities of driving. He thinks it's fine because I've driven longer distances but that's not the point. I don't even care if ending things with him over this makes me a bad person. I'm fucking done. Nah, I think I would be frustrated in that situation as well. Especially when it's become just like so normalized like this. Being like this in a rural area, it just must be exhausting.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00] I was genuinely curious how it even got to four years without addressing it sooner, you know? I'm not blaming anyone, just genuinely curious. But also, couldn't they just move somewhere? And I know moving somewhere is a big thing but just move somewhere with actual public transport? Couldn't that be seen as an option? That way, you know, OP's partner has options rather than relying on OP all the time. Other comments on this one say, Tell him, Unless he gives you a solid reason beyond, I just don't like it.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00] You refuse to drive him anywhere. What would he do if something happened to you? If you got sick or hurt or lost the ability to drive? Relationships are all about compromise and supporting each other. Not one partner doing everything. You're willing to support him by taking him to therapy and seeing a doctor about his anxiety. What is he willing to do to take the pressure off of you? I had a friend who had anxiety over driving due to a horrific crash she was in as a teenager.

[00:04:02] [SPEAKER_00] 20 years later, thanks to therapy and meds, she now has a license and is a decent driver. Her partner still does most of the driving or she'll take public transport but if it's a short journey, she'll drive. I suspect it's going in the too hard basket. Yeah, dealing with and potentially getting over it is gonna be hard. But so is being single and trying to get around if you leave. So tell him to choose is hard. Another commenter says tell him you will drive into one place and one place only. Therapy.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00] Utsdog says or his new place with good public transportation. So the update came three months later and says I broke up with my now ex-fiance. Before I ended things, I, 31 male, tried one more time to get him, 32 male, to realize that he needs to learn to drive. Even if it means going to therapy to get over his fear. He told me he doesn't need to learn to drive because I like driving. So it shouldn't be a problem for me to do all the driving.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00] I almost lost it when he said that. Had to go into the other room to call off. His reply made me realize it was a lost cause so I ended things. He begged me to reconsider but since he refused to even admit he has a problem, I was done. I moved out of our place at the beginning of November and I'm much happier. Max's fiance is living back with his parents.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00] I found out that his younger sister was supposed to move back in temporarily but she decided not to because their parents said she had to be the driver for my ex-fiance. She opted to go to work in another province while she was applying for PhD programs instead of moving back home because she didn't want to be his 24-7 chauffeur. I honestly don't blame her. I was tired of it too. I appreciate all the support I got on my last post.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00] One thing, I've turned off my messages after getting a bunch calling me an idiot and other worse names. I will also ignore anyone who does that in the comments just like I did with my last post. Scary Yak says I'm happy for you and your ex-sister-in-law. Emmett says I was in this relationship for four years. He absolutely refused to learn to drive despite the fact that I have disabilities that are getting worse. And even though I love driving, it is one of my great passions. Driving causes me a lot of pain. And I may reach a point where I can't anymore.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_00] I now have a partner who loves to drive me around and it is wonderful. I can't believe I let myself live like that, honestly. Honestly, not really surprised with the outcome in the end. It was OP's ex-sister-in-law that tickled me in this situation that, you know, she was going to be going back home but as soon as she found out she'd be driving, she was like, absolutely nope. Or like a picture in that moment. You know, the meme or the gif of the baby that runs into the room and then is shocked at seeing something then turns around and runs away.

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00] That's what popped into my head at that moment. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next one is from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit from AlternativePlace919. And it says, am I the arsehole here for inviting my ex to my graduation? Hey there. My current situation got a bit complicated but I really can't see if I did anything wrong. That's why I want to ask here.

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00] I, 28 female, married my ex-husband. We call him Elias. 28 male, straight out of high school after dating for four years. Our families didn't have much money. And college for both of us was impossible so we talked about it and decided that one of us would attend first. We literally flipped a coin and he was the one to attend college first. We made a contract I wrote on a paper because we didn't have a printer back then.

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00] That said that even if we ended up divorcing, the pact of helping me to attend college stands. He attended college locally and both sets of parents helped with tuitions, books, etc. Well, I worked to support our household. He graduated and a year later, life got in our way when he started working and I was preparing to enter college. After another year, he told me he started to fall in love with a co-worker. We'll call her Lorna. But he respects me and loves me enough not to do anything.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00] But maybe we got married too young without really thinking it through. We talked a lot and although I still loved him, it was true that we hurried into marriage. And with how busy we both were, it was obvious we wouldn't make it work for much longer. So we decided to part amicably. He said not to worry about anything because our agreement still stands. Both sets of parents helped me with my tuitions and stuff. He rented me an apartment near college and gave me money for utilities and groceries so I didn't need to work.

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00] Well, fast forward to this year and I graduated. Yay! Elias moved back far for work and is now engaged to Lorna. I also attended college locally so I still visit his parents and help around with chores or just keeping them company. I have the date for my graduation and they gave me four tickets but one of my classmates asked if I wanted hers too because she's only inviting her parents. I was actually thinking about inviting Elias so I said yes.

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_00] I called him the next day and told him I had extra tickets if he would like to attend with his fiancé. He was actually excited about it and said of course he would and to tell him the date so he can request time off to come. We chatted for like 45 minutes and he also told me not to worry about the apartment because he'll continue paying until I get a job. I thanked him and we hung up. Well, my graduation ceremony was last week. It was very nice and all my loved ones were there with me.

[00:09:34] [SPEAKER_00] After the ceremony, my ex-in-laws told me they made a reservation in a restaurant to continue the celebration. At dinner, my ex-in-laws gave me a gift and they said in their hearts I would always be their daughter. My parents gave a present and a speech as well and then Elias gave a little box and inside was a cute necklace with a pendant of my initial and a little dragonfly. He said he had it custom made and I was really touched by everyone. So I got up and gave everyone a hug and when I got to Lorna, I said I would but only if you wanted.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00] She laughed and said oh no, I think I'm okay. Then I got to Elias and we hugged. He said I'm really proud of you cricket. Then we laughed. He used to call me cricket because he said I never shut up. Everybody went home shortly after and I'm pretty sure Elias and Lorna went back to their city. The thing is since Tuesday I've been receiving a ton of DMs and text messages telling me I'm a homewrecker and I should take a hint. And if the man moved on, why can't I?

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_00] And I'm obviously still obsessed with him because I've been single since the divorce and leeching out of his kindness. So clearly someone wasn't happy with our agreement nor the reunion for our graduation. I don't know if these are all fake accounts from Lorna or if it's Lorna and her friends or just her friends taking the matter into their own hands. But it's freaking me out because they are basically calling me every name in the book. I talk to my parents about it and they want me to tell Elias' parents to put an end to it. But I have a feeling that would only worsen everything.

[00:10:59] [SPEAKER_00] I really moved on. I think of Elias as my oldest friend now. And the reason I was single all this time is because my courses were really hard for me and I didn't have the time or energy. I also wanted to give me the time to experience singlehood and living alone because I moved from my parents' home and in with Elias. So I really wanted it to be just me and get to know who I am outside of married at 18. I'm thinking of changing my phone number and not giving it to Elias.

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_00] But at the same time, I still didn't have a job and he is paying for everything and it feels bad icing him out. But was I really the asshole for inviting him? I never thought it could be disrespectful to Lorna but maybe it is. I'm really confused because I wasn't expecting such a bad reaction for a simple invitation. Sorry for the long post. I tried to shorten it as much as I could. Now, I'm sure some people are going to disagree with me on this one. But honestly, it's an odd situation but I'm not mad at it.

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_00] They made a deal. They stuck to it through major life changes and everyone seemed to be respectful which I thought was a great thing. But the issue is obviously whatever's going on in the background here with these messages that are harassing OP. Whether it's Lorna, her friends or some combo. Again, I'm not sure if I'm right on this one but I think I'd be having a calm conversation with Elias about it. Letting them know that you're receiving these messages and what's going on. He seems to be dealing with this decently through all of this as well.

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_00] So I think he deserves to know. And in the comments below this one, the majority of them were not the asshole. While some people were telling OP to absolutely back off and start behaving like an ex. And that Lorna deserves better. But OP added some of their own comments so we're just going to list them off before we go to the update. The first one said, I wonder if she knows about it now. I never really thought about it if he ever told her or not. But if he didn't, it would explain her behavior. Interesting.

[00:12:55] [SPEAKER_00] The other one said, I screenshotted everything when I first got them. I blocked them but at least on Instagram I still receive some. The other one says, we didn't interact much other than when I asked if she wanted a hug as well. But she just laughed. I didn't see her looking like she hated me or was uncomfortable. And I can understand if she got upset but anonymous messages are still not it. I think this is something she has to talk to her fiance and not me. It was only this one time and I didn't call him any pet names.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't expect him to do it but I wasn't going to make a scene in the restaurant. And we don't interact much really. Birthdays and holiday texts he sometimes calls when it's exam season to ask how I'm doing or to ask me to take his parents to appointments and stuff. And I screenshotted everything just in case I'd need it later. Another one says, honestly, I was thinking about moving back with my parents after graduation. But he said I didn't need to. And he'll pay as long as it takes for me to find a job.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_00] My career is very profitable so I don't think it will take me long to find a job. We don't spend time together in person. He only came back for holidays twice since he moved. So we don't have contact other than the occasional text or he calling me to ask for a favor for his parents. Opie also says, everyone is calling me a moocher. But I also supported him for five years. So isn't he one too? And yeah, I can see how what they say can make it weird for her.

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_00] I don't want them to struggle because they didn't have any more kids and they're getting old. That's why I was always trying to help them. And I honestly was patting myself on the back for how good we deal with everything back in the day. But apparently not everyone agrees. And I didn't want to create trouble for them. That's why I never told him. But I think I can reach out and ask. And I honestly won't mind if he decides not to have any more contact with me. I'd appreciate if he let me check on his parents occasionally because they're getting old and he's far away.

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_00] But other than that, I would be as respectful as I can with him and Lorna. Finishes up by saying thanks for the advice. I'll contact him maybe tomorrow. So OP does update the post and says, I didn't expect to have an update so soon, but a lot of things have happened so I might as well update. I'll do my best to keep everything as chronological as possible. The next morning after I posted, I texted Elias. I didn't want to bother his parents with petty drama,

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_00] especially because I wasn't 100% sure Lorna was the one behind all of it. So I told Elias I didn't want to make a big fuss over it. But after they left, I'd been receiving pretty offensive texts with a clear message. So it couldn't be someone who didn't know about our agreement. He immediately asked me to send him the messages and the phone numbers. After 30 minutes or so, he called and apologized. He said that one of the phone numbers was indeed Lorna's and the other were her mom's and her sisters. But he didn't recognize the others.

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_00] He once again apologized and told me he'd handle it. And I just left it at that. After a couple of hours, I received a new message in WhatsApp from an unknown number, asking me if I was happy meddling in another relationship and telling on her. Did I try to ruin her relationship and stuff? I sent it to Elias and blocked the number. I didn't hear anything from anyone until two days ago when I went to pick up Elias' parents to take them to the moor. And I found him there. I was confused and asked him what happened and he told me,

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_00] We'll talk later. He offered to take his parents instead of me, but they refused, telling him we were already scheduled for a date and he wasn't invited. Yesterday, Elias asked if we could talk and I said yes. We met at a cafe near my apartment. He wanted to talk in my home, but I declined because I don't think it would be appropriate. We met and he said he had something to tell me about him and Lorna. I told him it wasn't really necessary because that's between the both of them. And he told me he broke up with her.

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_00] I was a little shocked but also curious, so I asked if it was about the messages because although I found it annoying and disrespectful, it wasn't enough for him to break up his relationship. He said not really, but it was his last straw. He said he wanted to move back for ages to take care of his parents, but Lorna refused because I was always there. And she said the only way to move here with him was if he told me to back off, but he couldn't do it because he knew his parents wouldn't allow it. He then said they were having a lot of problems actually,

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_00] because she was apparently always bad mouthing me and checking my social media, even when he told her to stop. I told him he didn't need to tell me anything. Then he got quiet for a long moment and then he said, I'm so sorry. I told him it wasn't really his fault. Then he said he was sorry for our divorce. He said his relationship with Lorna wasn't working for a long time, maybe even from the beginning, but he refused to break up with her because he said he felt he had to prove something.

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_00] Like he had to stay in the relationship or else our divorce would be for nothing. He said he was sorry he was too weak to fight for us and that he got scared because all of his friends were living the single dream life and he got jealous. He said he broke up with Lorna because he wasn't even sure if he actually loved her. But after my graduation, they went home and she complained the whole trip and then out of frustration when she got home, she tried to break a little dragonfly figurine I made for Elias on our first anniversary. I didn't even know he still had it.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00] He said he got so mad and realized he had to end it because at that point they were just ruining each other's lives. I didn't know what to say, so I just patted his hand and asked him about his job. He said he quit, but his supervisor told him to think about it and gave him vacation time for two or three weeks. So he's spending the holidays here. I told him not to think too much about the past and just move forward because what else do you answer to that? Anyway, our parents apparently already made a whole arrangement to spend Christmas together.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_00] Even my sister is coming from another city. So that's nice, but it also gave me some anxiety. And I think that's all. I don't think nothing significant is going to happen after this, but I'll update again if something changes. Happy holidays and thank you for all the support and the advice I received here. The top commenter said to OP, he left you for her and now he left her for you. And he's trying to get back with you. Expect some kind of move from him during the holidays. I'm not saying you should get back with him,

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00] just be prepared. OP replied saying, to be honest, I feel like he needs to be single for a long time before entering another relationship. Maybe even therapy or something like that. The commenter replied saying, yes, I agree. That's the healthy way. But you know, there are people that cannot be alone and jump from relationship to relationship. Plus, he's sorry for what he's done to you and maybe wishes he could go back and undo the divorce, so to speak. Anyway, of course, you know him best.

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_00] Oh, and congratulations for your graduation. OP says, I can't lie and said no feelings were moved when he said what he said, but I feel like it's better to just leave everything in the past. Lady Ash Gray says, this man is a monkey brancher. He makes sure the groundwork is laid before he abandons one relationship for another. And since you two never severed the bond, he just swung right back to you. Watch you get back with him only for him to amicably leave you again because he wanted newer and better.

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00] And a commenter that says, different says, not the arsehole at all. However, going against the general consensus here, I'm rooting for the two of you to be together after a few years and after he acknowledges his mistakes and gets therapy for his fickleness. But if you find someone else and can be with that person, it's best to go low contact with Elias after that. You know, so both of you can move on. Yeah, and I think the first few comments were absolutely spot on that he's got this nostalgia in his head and wants to get back together.

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_00] And he's jumping from relationship to relationship. He's clearly got some heavy regret and now he's back in town spending holidays with both families like old times. Yeah, I'd be feeling anxious over that if I was OP because I would certainly be expecting a move of some sort going on. But what do you guys make of this situation? Bloody hell. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love,

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_00] your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.