I CALLED OUT My Sister In Law At My Christmas Party For Lying In Front Of Everyone r/Relationships

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[00:00:59] Anastasia an, am I the Arsehole here subreddit. And it says, am I the Arsehole for causing a rift in my brother's marriage by calling out my sister-in-law for lying in front of everyone at my Christmas party. Basically, I26female hosted a big Christmas party at my house last weekend and what was supposed to be a fun evening spent celebrating as a family turned into a bit of a shit show.

[00:01:22] all because of my sister-in-law hannah 31 female now for some context my wife jess 28 female and i got married this past september we wanted to keep the wedding small and intimate so the decision was made that the wedding would essentially be child free with an exception for my half sister 16 female since she's an older kid and i'd asked her to be one of my bridesmaids back when my

[00:01:48] brother alex 30 male and his wife hannah had rsvp'd for the wedding i made sure to call and remind them that sadly their baby couldn't come with them because it's child free i also want to mention here i told them about this back when we went to visit my brother and family in the summer anyway while on the phone they said they hadn't forgotten and they'd already planned for hannah's mom to babysit however when the day of the wedding came alex and hannah showed up with you guessed it my

[00:02:17] then eight month old nephew i'll be honest and admit that i'm kind of a pushover and i didn't want to make a scene on my wife and i special day so i regrettably let it go we got about two minutes into the ceremony before extremely loud screaming and crying from my nephew began the worst part was they tried to ignore it at first for about another two minutes before hannah finally excused herself and him unfortunately she couldn't go into another room because we're on a beach at first she tried

[00:02:47] to walk further down the beach but the crying could still be heard loud and clear so eventually walked back to their car and later decided that her and my nephew would go home and not stay for the reception and only my brother alex would stay fast forward to the christmas party everything was perfect until alex hannah and nephew show up after she had reached out a month prior to tell me they wouldn't be coming at all and would be spending time with her family i was annoyed and decided to pull them aside when

[00:03:14] i went to greet them and asked why they didn't tell me they were coming because i honestly didn't make enough food to feed two more people for dinner not to mention i had nothing for their son alex gave me a confused look and asked why i thought they weren't coming when i told him the reason why all hell broke loose alex obviously questioned hannah as to why she would do this and her response was to immediately and loudly accused me of lying of hating my nephew obviously this got the attention of the room and

[00:03:44] everyone stopped and turned to look at us like something out of a movie he then asked why she would think that i hate their son especially considering i agreed to change the policy to allow him to come to the wedding which as you already know i did not do i quickly told alex that wasn't true and explained myself and my reasoning behind my choice that it wasn't personal and that i of course love my nephew i reminded them that i was super cool about the crying and never said anything

[00:04:13] even when i probably should have jess started to walk over to us from the kitchen most likely to try and diffuse the situation bless her heart all while hannah doubled down and tried to make it seem like i was lying so i lost it and said well if i'm a liar who hates your kid then i guess you should probably get the fuck out of my house jess stopped dead in her tracks and the silence that came after was eerie hannah then started crying and quickly left with my nephew and slammed the front door behind her

[00:04:41] my brother turned and gave me a sad look before following behind her it didn't take long before i started to feel embarrassed that i let things escalate like that jess comforted me after they left and we ended the party early because i don't even know how to properly process what just happened later my brother texts me saying he didn't know who to believe apparently hannah is adamant that i allowed her to bring their son to the wedding last minute because i felt bad for trying to control

[00:05:08] what she gets to do with her baby she's also saying i made the christmas party thing up as well claiming i've always had a vendetta against her and want to make her look bad alex says he just needs time and that he's heartbroken and worried that hannah isn't who he thought she was other family members have been texting me saying that they're on my side but i do kind of feel like an arsehole for how i handled everything at the party i know hannah is trying to drag my name through the mud but i feel

[00:05:34] guilty for making her cry intentionally trying to publicly humiliate her and for ruining the vibe of my own party so am i the arsehole for causing a rift in my brother's marriage by calling out my sister in law for lying in front of everyone at my christmas party now although there's a lot of stuff going down in this particular situation i think if you break it down slightly it just it's so clear that as

[00:05:59] hannah's pattern of lying that did all this you know let's say let's go for it that she lied about arranging child care for your wedding deliberately bought the baby against your wishes lied about you changing the policy lied about not coming to christmas and when caught out she tried to twist the whole thing back on you and then played the victim when her lies were all exposed this is all a consequence to her own actions she humiliated herself by lying and doubling down when caught and i think you need

[00:06:27] to realize that your brother isn't heartbroken because of what you did he's maybe looking back on his relationship now and seeing you know a pattern of these lies and manipulative situations so he's starting to realize what's going on which is gonna be messed up for him right but sparkling wine says not the arsehole and in future group text her and your brother so you have the receipts when she rsvps or not dangerous ad says not the arsehole and i agree if she tries to message you on the

[00:06:57] side screenshot and share to group message telling her everything goes through the group chat white room says or just say that from now on all communication goes through the brother okie lady says stop with a guilt trip of yourself she's apparently a habitual liar hopefully your brother will realize that his wife isn't who she presented herself as go no contact with her because she will always throw you under the bus dgf says for trying to control what she gets to do with her baby and

[00:07:25] then says that was her real feelings about your wedding request to be child free liars always tell on themselves instead of being an adult and discussing any concerns with you she decided to manipulate the situation and go behind your and your brother's back she did this to herself release your guilt you shouldn't want your brother married to such a person anyway i feel so sorry for your nephew growing up with a mother like that so far so bad if he stays with her moving forward make sure everything

[00:07:54] related to events and planning is in writing through your brother only or on group chat and don't accept phone calls from her so sometime later opie did come in to update the post and says i want to start by saying thank you to everyone that read my post and try to give me advice or just overall help me feel better about the entire situation i originally intended to look more in depth at the comments and reply to some slash answer questions but i've been too stressed and too preoccupied because so much

[00:08:23] has happened in a short time i know i have a lot of new information to share that has changed everything my brother is now going to be staying with my wife and i for the time being we decided this when he unexpectedly arrived late last night we had a long talk where i learned the full scope of everything that happened with hannah after the party up till now he said that after taking some time and space away from her he asked her to have a sit down talk he explained to me that during this time he realized she

[00:08:52] was 100 lying and i was 100 telling the truth but still wanted to try and give her a chance to fully explain why she would act the way she did why she would lie and how she could justify treating him and i this way hannah tried to deflect and gaslight him when first confronted but when he made it clear he wasn't having it she snapped and admitted to him that she's always disliked me and the main reason why

[00:09:16] is because she's uncomfortable with my lifestyle she went on to say that jess makes her the most uncomfortable due to her appearance and what she wears my wife is extremely masculine presenting and that she's just so sick and tired of pretending none of this upsets her there was more but alex said that was all he was going to tell me all of that of course was her reasoning for lying to my brother by telling him that i allowed the baby to attend the wedding last minute and that she had secretly hoped

[00:09:43] her baby would fuss or cry and ruin part of the ceremony which obviously happened she explained that she wanted to do something similar for the christmas party in order to make me look unhinged and like i didn't want them there making the wedding incident seem like a completely different situation to the family one where she is the martyr and i the aggressor i always knew she didn't like me but fuck i didn't realize she was so homophobic that the mere fact that jess and i exist at all is detrimental

[00:10:12] to her i decided that i'd never tell my wife the details alex told me but i'm honestly glad i know all of this now i never feel guilty for calling out shitty behavior from people ever again alex assured me that he was extremely disgusted with her and what she said and absolutely no idea she felt this way at all but he then told me he wasn't actually done telling me everything she confessed here's where

[00:10:36] shit really hits the fan hannah after going on a homophobic rant started to get antsy and pace around the room leaving my brother just sitting there devastated and confused after a few minutes of said pacing she continued to confess to my brother now explaining that not only is she having an affair she's also 100 certain he's not the biological father of their child they've been raising for these past 11 months what made things even worse after some prying she eventually lets it slip the affair

[00:11:05] has been going on for six fucking years she claimed it was love at first sight when she met her college friend's older brother josh 42 male at a party six years ago but she also knew she never wanted to lose my brother as he was her perfect match which obviously makes zero sense all things considered also for some added context they've been married for around six years meaning she's been having an entire secret serious relationship with another man for the entirety of her marriage to my brother

[00:11:35] safe to say i'm completely shocked and all i've been doing is spending time with jess and also alex he's been staying with us as i mentioned above since things are extremely tense and hostile between him and hannah they're obviously going to be getting a divorce but with christmas literally around the corner everything is on pause according to him i respect this but also cannot wait for her to officially no longer be in our lives as for hannah she seems to have quite literally moved on overnight

[00:12:04] with josh and their baby overall i cannot believe she'd betray my brother like that and i'm sad to know that she's been so hateful towards me because of my sexuality i don't know if i have an update but maybe i just feel so depleted after yesterday first commenter says wow so many of these homophobes are really not keeping up with their morals but cheating over the place hope your brother can make a clean split and the baby isn't his i'm sorry your brother is hurting and i'm proud of you for calling a bs out

[00:12:33] silent reader says adding on make sure he gets a paternity test done and if and when it comes back negative that he has his name removed from the birth certificate some states have time limits for this and he could end up being on the hook for child support even if he's not the bio father consult a lawyer as soon as possible the fees might seem expensive now but it beats paying through the nose for the next 18 years kitty says yo you're not the arsehole hannah's messy lying and straight up hateful

[00:13:01] good on you for calling her out and being there for your bro she played herself and now karma's handling the rest keep being solid you did nothing wrong holy moly whenever we get to the end of stories like that where it all goes crazy and blows up i always think of that uh the ron burgundy that escalated quickly scene holy shit now i'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation

[00:13:28] let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story this one come from the am i wrong subreddit from ok duck 4910 it says am i wrong for expecting my husband to shovel snow not me and apparently the husband responds to this as well throwaway account as my husband is an active

[00:13:50] redditor i female 26 have been with my husband male 37 for five years married for two i'm currently pregnant about five months i'm a nurse and sometimes work night shifts usually i come home we eat breakfast together then he goes to work and i sleep we had a big dump of snow last night in our building each unit is responsible for shoveling our strata has set a schedule and the shoveling is supposed to be

[00:14:16] done before 8 am and again before 5 pm they send us multiple notifications so there's no surprise when i came home early this morning i saw that my husband was still sleeping and no shoveling had been done i woke him up and asked him to shovel he said he was too tired because he worked late last night and went back to sleep i asked him two more times within five minutes but he kept saying he was tired finally he

[00:14:42] asked me if i could do it this time saying he'd be so grateful i told him i was also tired because i'd just come home from work but i agreed and asked him to make breakfast while i was out he said okay it took me a while but i shoveled the whole area when i came back inside i found him still sleeping i started yelling at him and he said i told you i was tired i told him that next time i wouldn't do the shoveling and

[00:15:07] let's try to find us instead he got mad and said it was for the house that i live here too and that i was making a big deal out of it he left and now i'm so angry am i overreacting or was he being a selfish jerk op added later saying his argument was that i was gonna sleep all day anyways and i was already awake while i work during the day so what's the big deal added later again we live in canada we had 15

[00:15:32] centimeters of snow last night and another at it that says yes he does have adhd diagnosed as a teen and has terrible time management a commenter says to op that's a real dick move getting your five month pregnant wife to shovel snow you're not wrong i'm all for equality and sharing household tasks but you're pregnant for f's sake and just finished work to cap that off fairmount says for real as much

[00:15:59] as people mistakenly say shoveling is good exercise it's also dangerous wild a bro would be so casual about risking harm to his wife and kid another commenter says you are five months pregnant you are not wrong and he's a lazy inconsiderate ass what if you slipped and fell while shoveling i've been married for 30 plus years and i've never asked my wife to shovel she has come out and helped me a few times when it was really deep and heavy but i take care of it is this your first child i worry

[00:16:27] how much he's going to help once your child is born op responded saying yes this is our first baby we've been together since i was in university i was 21 we got married two years ago minimum guidance says so let me get this straight a 32 year old dude decided a 21 year old girl in college was his forever wife for an easy target to manipulate because no sane adult with a developed brain

[00:16:51] goes after someone without one and this is not a single slight to you op you were 21 and he was old enough to know better just like at nearly 40 he should understand the dangers of forcing his first time pregnant wife to shovel snow after a long shift of taking care of people without food and nutrition after all that work so her should-be ex gets to sleep like a baby mama says you aren't answering what's already been asked what did your lazy ass husband do before you moved in and took over everything

[00:17:19] did he live in his own filth with an empty refrigerator neurodivergence doesn't give him a pass on taking part in doing the adulting for his household if he has problems with being an adult there are therapists who specialize in dealing with neurodivergent people he can learn better time management he can learn to understand a proper division of chores he can learn that there are things he needs to take over because you are pregnant you need to stop making excuses for him

[00:17:44] and expect him to take action to become a functioning adult please there are neurodivergent people in every profession on this planet and they succeed in those professions you're married to a man child who doesn't even want to succeed at being a responsible husband put the bar higher and expect him to get over it if you don't you're going to be doing 100 of the household chores and 100 of the child care chores and you'll still be making excuses that he can't help because

[00:18:11] he's neurodivergent and that's a disability no it isn't now pull up your big girl panties and hold his feet to the fire upy says i apologize i missed it when we were friends with benefits he was coming over to my place when we started dating he said he was cleaning his house and everything before i came over he had one serious ex before me but they never lived together dated in college she moved and they did

[00:18:35] and eventually broke up we moved in together after we got engaged i assumed because he has a demanding job he just focused on it and it's going to get better eventually then we talked to our family doctor changed his meds and he got better i started adding stuff to do on his calendar making him task lists every night and texting to him so he can follow the next day so many other things everything worked initially then back to square one well i can't ask him that because our doctor

[00:19:03] said do you tell a paralyzed man to get over it and walk no he can't but you can give him a wheelchair to move around and be productive so support him and help him find what works for him and love him the way he is lk replies saying you're gonna have to make your stand now if you don't you can expect it to be worse when the baby is here he should have shoveled you're five months pregnant and just got off working a high demand job does he care about your rest and health of the baby or is he as selfish

[00:19:30] and entitled as this post makes him out to be baby says yes he normally does care a lot he's just terrible about any deadline i asked him to set up the crime i'm assuming it's crib we bought on black friday he kept saying he'll do it next weekend then i reminded him next weekend he said oh my god sorry you're right i'll do it after i clean up my work room and halfway through cleaning his work room he got distracted reading some old book it's christmas eve his work room is still a mess and crib is in the box

[00:19:58] still he said he will do everything by the weekend we will see and one more comment from minimum guidance who says op i am severely adhd like this if i'm with people shopping expect to lose me multiple times if i need to complete one household task i'm going to be doing at least 15 other things along the way i did this a lot as a teenager and had to learn coping mechanisms then to outgrow being so consumed

[00:20:22] by one task unfortunately more trauma ensued and now i have a lovely untrained so she stays at home service dog that happily distracts me when the hyper focus is too long lays on me when the anxiety is bad and literally reminds me to be on schedule it's not her responsibility to make sure i do my dailies but she sure helps remind me to get in gear and get it done i understand where your husband is coming from but he's 37 and old enough to know that these are very unhealthy habits he should have started to

[00:20:51] unlearn years ago it would be fine if he was single and lived alone but he has a wife and a baby at home with responsibilities that need to be done so a day later husband comes in with her update and says not an actual update hi i'm matty the husband of the pregnant lady who shoveled snow yesterday my wife showed me the post and at first i was really upset because she shared our private argument online to get validation but then i asked if i could share my side and she let me use her phone to post

[00:21:20] she's getting ready to head to my parents place for christmas day together and i'm bored so here i am first off yes i have adhd medicated but my wife forgot to mention a few things she has ocd not diagnosed she needs everything cleaned organized and done right now she can't just leave a task for later it's not in her nature she makes a rhyme every time i told her i'd shovel soon but she wanted it done immediately

[00:21:46] i get it before 8am and all that but we still had time she kept reminding me and finally i said if you're in such a rush you can do it i'd actually be grateful she said okay yes i forgot to make a coffee and toast but i would have done that if she had just sat down and chilled she didn't she wanted everything done now like usual also i've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have been on meds since july right around when i started working with a new team my sleep schedule is a mess

[00:22:16] and i was tired to everyone suggesting exit plans thanks but we talked it out we both apologized i said i'm sorry for letting her down and she promised not to shovel anymore she also apologized for yelling at me and calling me selfish lazy prick oh one to the people calling me a groomer that's disgusting infantilizing my wife and it's gross happy holidays bye and of course there's some comments on the back

[00:22:42] of that we'll just read a couple of them first one says appreciate taking the time to put your side but really you've got no excuse i've missed what time the conversation occurred but i don't think it was 4 or 5 a.m more like 7 30 a.m you didn't have time you let your pregnant wife come off and night shift and shovel snow because you couldn't be asked it then didn't occur to you to make her some breakfast while she was out there cold exerting herself in treacherous conditions again because you couldn't be asked you had the night to sleep you should try growing a human and then

[00:23:11] you'd know what tired is i feel sorry for your wife once this baby comes as i fear she'd be doing a lot alone initial dish says there is nothing ocd about getting snow shoveled because it has to be done at a particular time you know this and could have set an alarm and go out and do it still the ass tipsy baker says okay but it sounds like the apartment says it needs to be done by eight not your wife and you know that shoveling snow isn't a chore someone should be doing while pregnant people die

[00:23:41] each year doing that task so why risk it you're about to have a baby can't do whatever you want whenever you feel like it anymore not if you want to keep relationships with your wife and child your adhd is your responsibility to address that's not a crutch or excuse so get on it opie says yes but i would have done it eventually before eight my wife wants stuff done right away she can't just sit down and chill and let me figure shit up myself that's my point minimum guidance says how's that

[00:24:08] crib bought in black friday coming along hope he's nearly 40 year old husband why are you infantilizing yourself you know how to open a box and start a project you need to open your eyes to see what you are doing you and your wife literally and not figuratively because we spoke believe that she's your secretary she's your wife and this is your household if she wants it done now it's because you refuse to finish the task so she's making sure you complete it you are a selfish lazy prick i never told her to leave

[00:24:36] you or suggested it but let's be honest forcing your pregnant wife to shovel snow and you promise her breakfast only for you to sleep instead you don't care about her or your kid and prioritize yourself pretty clearly edit since you've seen my comments op you know your wife and i spoke check her dms read that link i sent her that made her so emotional from the relatability that made her cry but anyone else wondering and then shares a link which ends with you should have asked opie replies

[00:25:03] saying ow she mentioned the crib too great more sharing private conversations i'm gonna do it soon it's in my to-do list as to have time she's not even close to giving birth chill late education says honestly this doesn't make you look any better you're admitting that you had your wife who is five months pregnant out shoveling snow after a long shift then you went back to sleep instead of making food for her and your unborn baby we all have issues but bottom line is you have responsibilities

[00:25:32] and push them off on your pregnant wife you have a baby on the way it's time to get it together accidentally cool says no you don't understand he's tired he has depression you have to know he is a priority too i rolled my eyes so far back in my head at this post gee whiz yeah that update certainly didn't make him look any better and he just seems to be doubling down as well holy shit what do you

[00:25:56] guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love