I Called Off My Engagement When My Fiancee Made An Awful Comment About My Late Wife r/Relationships

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well.

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_02]: My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_02]: If you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification

[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_02]: bell too and let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Much love guys.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Now today's first story comes from the day I messed up subreddit from vastad5383 and

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_02]: says,

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm iTheArsehole here.

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_02]: If I call off my engagement because of a comment my fiancee made about my late wife.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_02]: For some background info, I, 43 male, have two children with my late wife Kayla.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Sam, 21 male and Liz, 16 female.

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_02]: All fake names.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Kayla passed away when our kids were 15 and 10.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_02]: I won't give specifics about how she passed but she was struck by a drunk driver when

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_02]: she was on her way home from work.

[00:01:24] [SPEAKER_02]: She really was the love of my life and to say that her passing hit our family hard would

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_02]: be an understatement.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_02]: I promised myself that if I got back into the dating game, I wouldn't date anyone for

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_02]: at least a couple of years for the sake of my kids.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Three years after my wife's passing, I met my now fiancee.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_02]: We call her Amanda.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Things went slow and I didn't introduce her to my kids until we had been dating for about

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_02]: a year at that point.

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Now we've been together for three years and are engaged.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_02]: Amanda and my kids have always had a good relationship.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Neither of my kids are super close to her but they have always been friendly and welcoming

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_02]: to her.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_02]: And Amanda has never overstepped any boundaries my kids have, like trying to replace their

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_02]: mother.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_02]: At the beginning of Amanda and I's relationship, she was a bit insecure of the fact that I

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_02]: was a widower.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_02]: During the first few months of us dating, she would constantly ask things like, if Kayla

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_02]: had never passed, would I still be with her right now?

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I always kept my answers brief and told her that I didn't like thinking about the what

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_02]: ifs and that she was the one I was dating now and that was what mattered.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Eventually she stopped making those comments and I stopped worrying about it.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Now to the issue.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_02]: My parents were hosting a family dinner to celebrate my fiancee and I's engagement.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_02]: It was my mom and dad, my late wife's sister and her husband, Sam and Liz, and me and Amanda.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Dinner was going well.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_02]: We were all making small talk with each other and talked about wedding plans.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_02]: About halfway into dinner, my mom made a comment about how she was so happy I was able to find

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_02]: the spark I had with Kayla in someone else.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think anybody really paid much attention to the comment but then Amanda laughed and

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_02]: said, I'm happy she died otherwise I would never have gotten in myself.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_02]: The tone of the dinner immediately shifted and everyone got extremely tense, especially

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_02]: my kids.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_02]: Amanda noticed the shift and started awkwardly laughing like she was trying to play her comment

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_02]: off as a joke.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I was honestly just frozen as that was the first time she had made a comment like that.

[00:03:28] [SPEAKER_02]: My kids looked disgusted and Liz got up and walked out of the car.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Sam waited a bit longer like he wanted me to say something but I was still in shock

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_02]: about what Amanda had said.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Make a long story about the dinner short.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_02]: The dinner was kind of ruined so I said my goodbyes to everyone, grabbed my fiancee and

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_02]: we all drove home.

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_02]: My daughter hasn't spoken to me or Amanda since and it's been 3 days.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_02]: I got tired of it and pulled my son aside to ask him what I should do.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_02]: He said something along the lines of, I'm a grown man and don't care what another

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_02]: grown man marries but I don't want a woman who speaks like that about our mother around

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_02]: my sister.

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Sam's comment stuck with me and now I'm considering calling off the engagement entirely.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_02]: She's never made comments like this before but I'm worried if I let it slide this one

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_02]: time it will become more frequent and it will affect my daughter.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I need some advice from outside perspectives and just want to do right by my kids.

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Would I be the asshole here if I called off the engagement because of the comment she

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_02]: made?

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Edit.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, I didn't expect this much advice so shortly after posting this.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Nonetheless thank all of you for the advice and even the people calling me a bad father.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I think your guys words are what I need to pull my head out of my ass.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I will try to talk to my kids alone tonight before speaking with my fiance and we'll

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_02]: see where it goes from there.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm pretty sure my fiance and I are over though.

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll update late tonight or tomorrow on how talks with everyone goes.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you all again for setting my head straight.

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_02]: And in the comments on this one someone says not the asshole saying that she is glad that

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_02]: somebody passed so that they can be happy is pretty fucked.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Saying it at a family dinner with a person's family and kids there is beyond fucked.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_02]: While it's true that they wouldn't be in this position without their passing, it's

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_02]: not something one should be thinking about and definitely not talking about.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Another user replies that saying I mean she could have said something like it was an unfortunate

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_02]: event for all of you but I think she'd be the one who brought us together to be there

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_02]: for each other.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_02]: She could have gone in any other way but she decided to allow her insecurities be in the

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_02]: way because she knows if Kayla didn't pass OP wouldn't have been with her.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_02]: She's always been competing with a dead woman and will continue to do so.

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Another commenter says yeah she's never going to let this go.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_02]: You can, your son just told you the deal, it's her or them.

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_02]: Choose wisely.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_02]: Another user quotes that and says not the asshole.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_02]: What Amanda said was distasteful.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_02]: In vino veritas perhaps that's how she sees this relationship, fighting with a dead person.

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_02]: She will never win.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_02]: She is bitter and jealous of what you two had.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Your mother also shouldn't have said such a thing.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_02]: It was also distasteful.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_02]: I think you will lose your kids if you marry her.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm sorry.

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah as soon as those words came out of her mouth I couldn't see the relationship lasting.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_02]: She said this in front of the sister, the children and thought that was acceptable in

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_02]: some way saying I'm happy she died.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_02]: But OP's first update says this is an update post for those of you who have read my initial

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_02]: post asking for advice.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I promised I would update everyone after I talked to my kids so here is the update.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_02]: It's kinda long so I hope it doesn't go against the rules of this community.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm also going to use this update as a way to clarify some of the questions people were

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_02]: asking in the comments.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Did my fiancee apologize to anyone at the dinner party?

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_02]: No she didn't.

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I honestly don't think it even registered or has registered to her that what she said

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_02]: was wrong.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Does fiancee have social anxiety?

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_02]: Not to my knowledge no.

[00:07:01] [SPEAKER_02]: In all the time I've known her she's never shown any signs of social anxiety and doesn't

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_02]: have a history of it.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_02]: How old was my late wife?

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_02]: She was 37 when she passed and we were the same age.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Amanda is 41.

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of people were asking for clarification on the time frame of her passing and when

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_02]: my fiancee and I met.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_02]: At this point in time Kayla has been gone for about 6 years and I met Amanda roughly

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_02]: 3 years after Kayla's passing.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't mention either of their ages as I didn't believe it was important because

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_02]: we're so close in age but I understand why a lot of you guys would want to know.

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Now that I've clarified the things I was most asked about in the comments we can get

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_02]: into the update.

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_02]: While I'm writing this update it's the day after I talk to my kids.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Last night around 5.30pm my fiancee left for work.

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_02]: She works nights most days of the week so I was able to call my son and ask if he could

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_02]: come over so I can talk to him and his sister.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_02]: He goes to our local college and lives in an apartment near his school.

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_02]: When he started college she wanted to move out but I also wanted him to stay close to

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_02]: us so he settled on an apartment a few blocks away from the college.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_02]: He came over and I called him and his sister into the living room to talk with the both

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_02]: of them.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_02]: When they were both seated I told them point blank that I didn't think the wedding was

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_02]: happening anymore and the comment she made was unacceptable.

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I then by the advice of the comments apologized to them.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I told them I was sorry for not saying anything for so long and letting the tension thicken

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_02]: in our home.

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_02]: I told my daughter that I understood why she hasn't spoken to me and that I was sorry

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_02]: for allowing her to think that I was even remotely okay with what she said.

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I felt pretty spineless after we had gotten back from dinner that night so I wanted to

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_02]: do everything in my power to make it right with my kids during the conversation.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_02]: My daughter told me that she felt disgusted at the comment Amanda made and even more so

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_02]: when I didn't defend her mother.

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_02]: She then told me that the past two years that she's known Amanda she's felt like she's been

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_02]: gradually trying to push her and Sam away from me.

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_02]: One of the examples Liz gave was when my son moved out.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_02]: He moved out when he was about to start his sophomore year of college and when he mentioned

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_02]: the idea of moving out Amanda was the one that took it and ran with it.

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_02]: According to Liz Amanda was the one encouraging Sam the most to move out.

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_02]: To be clear I was never against Sam moving out but I was clear to him that he was welcome

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_02]: to live at home for his college years and even after until he found where he wanted

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_02]: to be.

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_02]: I asked Sam if he felt pushed out by Amanda and if that's why he moved out.

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_02]: He said he hadn't felt pushed out before he told everyone he wanted to move but after

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_02]: he put it out there my fiance kept pushing for him to move out.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Liz cut in and said that every time she brings up college Amanda keeps encouraging her to

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_02]: go out of state.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Liz doesn't plan on going out of state and she's been open about wanting to go to college

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_02]: Sam is attending right now.

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Liz said she feels like Amanda is waiting till she graduates high school and goes to college

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_02]: so she can move out.

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of the comments were right about the subtle comments eventually turning into Amanda

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_02]: wanting my kids pushed away from me.

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Liz says that she was scared by the time I eventually noticed the way Amanda was acting.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Too big of a wedge would have already been driven between me and them.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I told my kids that I'm sorry it's taken me this long to notice and that I was also sorry

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_02]: they'd been walking on eggshells for so long.

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_02]: I hugged my kids and told them that no matter what they are my top priority, not Amanda

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_02]: or anybody else.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of comments pointed out that even though my son has grown he still needs his father

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_02]: and I made sure to let my son know that I'll always be there for him and his sister even

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_02]: when they are well grown.

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_02]: Entire conversation lasted about 2 hours.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_02]: We covered a lot of bases on what we wanted to do and it got emotional on all sides.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_02]: In short Amanda and I are done.

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I made it a point to tell my kids that none of the situation is their fault and that Amanda

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_02]: is the grown woman who said what she said.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_02]: My kids and I are okay right now but they aren't 100% with me and probably won't be

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_02]: for a while.

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm completely fine with that and just want my kids to be comfortable in their own home.

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Amanda has tomorrow off work so I plan on talking to her tomorrow.

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I also plan on calling my mother to ask her why she thought it was okay to even bring up

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_02]: Kayla at the dinner.

[00:11:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't want my daughter here when it all goes down so she's staying tonight and tomorrow

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_02]: night with Sam.

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_02]: So that's where I'm at right now.

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Not super happy about the outcome of me and Amanda but would rather have my kids happy

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_02]: and healthy than have a wife.

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_02]: Again thank you for the advice and the harsh words.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll update after I call it off with Amanda.

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you everyone.

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_02]: Edit I posted the new update you guys have been waiting for.

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_02]: It's been a long day but I still want to keep everyone posted on the situation as you guys

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_02]: have been incredible in helping me through my situation.

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_02]: So it only feels fair to give you guys the update you've been waiting for.

[00:12:50] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay here's the update you guys have been waiting for.

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_02]: Again this is a long post, even longer than the last update and I suggest reading my previous

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_02]: posts if you haven't for the context of this situation.

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_02]: The word we left off is my kids and I talked made up and my daughter is staying with her

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_02]: brother so she doesn't get caught up in what was about to happen with my now ex fiance.

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Before the hard part of the day, breaking it off with Amanda, I made a call to my mom to

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_02]: let her know of the situation.

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of the comments told me to not bash my mom for the comment she made.

[00:13:20] [SPEAKER_02]: Now thinking back on the situation with a clear mind, the comment my mother made towards

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Amanda was most definitely a compliment towards her and that was confirmed in the call I had

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_02]: with her.

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_02]: My mother, bless her heart, felt extremely guilty for the entire situation.

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_02]: She fully believed the situation all stemmed from her one comment.

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I assured her that none of the situation was her fault and that I've never blamed her

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_02]: one bit for any of this.

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_02]: We talked a bit more before I let her go.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_02]: The call ended at about 9.15am and I was waiting for Amanda to wake up.

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_02]: She woke up around 10.30am and I didn't want to ambush her straight after she woke up so

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_02]: I waited until about 11.10am to sit her down and talk.

[00:14:02] [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of people in the comments suggested to secretly video the whole thing.

[00:14:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I thought that was extremely smart so I had my phone set to record in my back pocket the

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_02]: entire time.

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_02]: I didn't think she'd try to do anything drastic but I would rather be safe than sorry.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_02]: The talk with her went as well as anyone could imagine, though not at all.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I told her I needed to talk with her, that it was serious and we sat in the living room.

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_02]: When we were seated I began unloading at her about the comment she made about Kayla at

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_02]: my parents house, how it made my kids feel, how it made me feel, her lack of apology of

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_02]: any sort of acknowledgement to what she said and so on.

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I told her I expect her to give an apology to my parents, my in-laws and most importantly

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_02]: my kids.

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_02]: During the entire time of me unloading on her she didn't seem to show any bit of emotion

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_02]: other than her eyes which were slightly wider than normal.

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_02]: After I spoke my truth she straight up asked, so if I apologize to everyone we'll go back

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_02]: to normal.

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_02]: I told her point blank no.

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I told her the comment she made at dinner was not the extent of my problems with her.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_02]: I then told her about how she heavily pressured Sam to move out when he wasn't even sure

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_02]: if he wanted to at that point in time and that I also know she's trying to do the

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_02]: same with Liz.

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_02]: I did my absolute best to leave my kids out of the situation but told Amanda that the

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_02]: way my kids described their treatment towards them was the main reason I don't see a future

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_02]: with her anymore.

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Amanda was stone faced up until I told her we were done.

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I think that's when the panic set in for her, she kept saying that she'll apologize

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_02]: to everyone and that she'll make it right with my kids etc etc.

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_02]: I told her that if she apologizes I will certainly appreciate it but we were still done either

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_02]: way.

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_02]: She was full on crying at this point and asked me why wasn't I willing to try and fix our

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_02]: relationship and I told her even though I loved her and I will be honest I still love

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_02]: her very much I was not willing to take another chance with my kids being hurt against the

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_02]: way they were.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_02]: I was frustrated and shot back at her asking why she was trying to push my kids out of

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_02]: their own home and I got back an answer I was not at all expecting.

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I was completely shocked at her response but a lot of you guys won't be.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of comments actually hit the nail right on the head with what Amanda was truly like.

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Amanda responded with, well I didn't know you expected me to house somebody else's

[00:16:18] [SPEAKER_02]: kids for the rest of my life.

[00:16:20] [SPEAKER_02]: I immediately saw red after about a minute and told her to get out.

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_02]: I told her that my kids can go wherever they damn please especially in the house that I

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_02]: own and pay for.

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_02]: She tried to retaliate but in the end ended up packing a few bags and going to stay with

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_02]: one of her friends.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_02]: I emailed a copy of the phone recording to myself.

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_02]: The talk only lasted about 25 minutes not nearly as long as the talk I had with my kids.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_02]: If anything ends up coming to the conversation I have all I'd need to keep my name clear.

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_02]: I text my kids that Amanda is out of the house for good and they're welcome to come home

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_02]: anytime and let my son know that if he wants to he's more than welcome to move back in

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_02]: completely.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_02]: My daughter is coming back from her brother's place in the afternoon and I still have phone

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_02]: calls to make to my parents and in-laws to apologize for this mess of a situation.

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Amanda is out of my house but keeps blowing up my phone for us to try and work things

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_02]: out.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll let her come by in the next few days so she can collect the rest of her stuff out

[00:17:16] [SPEAKER_02]: of my house but she's not welcome to live here again.

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll be honest and say that I am a bit devastated.

[00:17:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Despite everything Amanda did, I still love her and I probably won't stop loving her

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_02]: for a minute but I'll be okay.

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Right now I just want to focus on the family that needs me and will use this situation

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_02]: as an excuse to bond more with my kids.

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_02]: Another big thank you to everyone who helped me in the comments, a lot of the advice you

[00:17:40] [SPEAKER_02]: guys gave me played a part in making things right with my family.

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll update if anything else big or important happens but as of now I'm taking it one step

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_02]: at a time and making it right with my family.

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_02]: OP comes in with another update 9 months later and says wow I can't believe it's almost

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_02]: been a year since everything went down and my posts still have so much traction.

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_02]: I want to give a huge thank you to everyone who's been engaged in my story and an even

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_02]: bigger thank you to those who shared their own stories and advice when I was between

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_02]: a rock and a hard place.

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Everything that happened honestly feels like a lifetime ago.

[00:18:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Twitch has reminded me that I'm getting older now as I'm 44, Liz turned 18 a few months

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_02]: ago and Sam is about to be 22.

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Life has honestly been pretty peaceful since I broke things off with Amanda.

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_02]: I'll give a quick recap to my last update from almost a year ago when I had the conversation

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_02]: with Amanda.

[00:18:30] [SPEAKER_02]: She had stayed at her friends place for about a week and I took that time to take the advice

[00:18:34] [SPEAKER_02]: of many comments.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I packed up her stuff like clothes and other small items for her.

[00:18:39] [SPEAKER_02]: She had a couple of bigger things like chairs and other decor so I made sure those were

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_02]: the only things she was allowed to come in the house for.

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_02]: I got the locks changed per advice as well.

[00:18:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I would say that a lot of you commenters saw the things that didn't even cross my mind

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_02]: like the locks.

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm thankful you guys are a bit more cognitive than me.

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_02]: Everything after that was pretty smooth and amicable which did surprise me.

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_02]: She came by and picked up her things and gave me back the ring, which I didn't want back

[00:19:04] [SPEAKER_02]: but she gave it to me anyways and we didn't talk much.

[00:19:08] [SPEAKER_02]: It was calm but that didn't last because a few weeks later she was harassing my socials

[00:19:12] [SPEAKER_02]: for another chance.

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I was pretty exhausted by her at that point so I just blocked her and had my kids block

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_02]: her as well.

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_02]: A lot of commenters pointed out in my second update that I didn't love her, I loved who

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I thought she was and that was spot on and it helped the process of me moving on so much

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_02]: more quickly.

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_02]: There has been radio silence from her since me and my kids blocked her and since its been

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_02]: almost a year I'm pretty confident it will stay that way.

[00:19:37] [SPEAKER_02]: The whole situation has made me realize that I'm perfectly fine and okay being single for

[00:19:41] [SPEAKER_02]: the rest of my life.

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Maybe people will see that as sad but I find it more as an acceptance thing.

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_02]: Ending things with Amanda made me realize that I didn't feel the same love with her

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I felt with Kayla and probably never will with anyone else.

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_02]: That's not fair to me or the other person I could potentially date and I'm content with

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_02]: the family I have around me.

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_02]: The situation has almost given me a whole new appreciation for my kids.

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_02]: They showed more maturity and understanding than I ever did at their age and this made

[00:20:09] [SPEAKER_02]: me love them even more which I didn't think was possible.

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_02]: Sam still has his apartment, I offered him to move back in but he declined as he really

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_02]: enjoys having his own bachelor pad which I understand as I was his age too once.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_02]: He has a part time he really enjoys that he's been working since his second semester this

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_02]: year and I think he's met a girl.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Not sure but I know my kid and I'm catching a vibe from him.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Liz is amazing as always as she's enjoying summer before her senior year.

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_02]: She's made it on a roll every year of high school including this year and I'm so damn

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_02]: proud.

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Both of my kids are such hard working and genuinely good people that it's hard not

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_02]: to toot my own horn when I think about it.

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Sorry for rambling in this post about them, I love them more than anything and find myself

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_02]: word vomiting about them when I speak about them.

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm sure other dads can relate.

[00:21:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Another huge thank you to everyone who's been following my story and gifted me all your

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_02]: amazing and some not so amazing advice.

[00:21:08] [SPEAKER_02]: And also I've read your own stories in the comments about your similar experiences.

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm sorry a lot of you guys didn't have the support system I've shown my kids and I really

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_02]: appreciate each and every one of you taking the time to share your own personal stories.

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_02]: I wish I could give you all giant dad hugs.

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_02]: That's about it for now.

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_02]: Of course I'll update if anything happens, I don't think it will as I think the dust

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_02]: is pretty much settled.

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_02]: Hopefully I don't jinx myself by saying that.

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Again, I appreciate all you fine redditors for following how my kids and I are doing

[00:21:37] [SPEAKER_02]: and I hope this is a satisfying update for you guys.

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Wish you all the best.

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_02]: But again, positive update there and I hope she does stay out of your life.

[00:22:08] [SPEAKER_02]: And you know, you sound like an absolutely good person.

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_02]: It did make me a little sad when you said, you know, in terms of relationships and you

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_02]: know saying you're perfectly fine being single for the rest of your life.

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_02]: If I'm being completely honest, it made me sad and sort of happy at the same time.

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_02]: It made me like sort of like more power to you.

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_02]: If you're quite happy and content as you are, then absolutely, you know, you do your thing.

[00:22:31] [SPEAKER_02]: But it also made me sad in the way that this relationship that's just broken up is tainted

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_02]: relationships for you.

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_02]: I know you said you made you realize that you didn't feel the same love with her as

[00:22:41] [SPEAKER_02]: you felt with Kayla, which I think is a pretty normal thing at the same time.

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_02]: I've seen previous stories where they still, of course, they still love the partner that

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_02]: they lost.

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_02]: That's never going to go away.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_02]: I think it just takes a lot of talking and communication to build a healthy relationship

[00:22:58] [SPEAKER_02]: when one partner is a widower.

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_02]: A little part of me is just hoping that you keep an open mind at the same time, because

[00:23:04] [SPEAKER_02]: I really do wish the best for you, Opie.

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_02]: Whatever you choose, it's your life.

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_02]: Just enjoy it.

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_02]: Enjoy your kids.

[00:23:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Enjoy the time with them.

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_02]: And I hope your relationship gets back to where it was with your kids.

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_02]: You sound like a really proud father and I'm proud of you.

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_02]: But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:23:22] [SPEAKER_02]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:23:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:23:33] [SPEAKER_02]: So thank you so, so much.

[00:23:34] [SPEAKER_02]: And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_02]: Take care and much love.