I Called My Husband A LIABILITY For Putting Our Family In Danger r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now today's first story comes from Intrepidby3152 from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:25] Am I the arsehole here for telling my husband that I see him as a liability and not a partner?

[00:00:33] Sorry for the long post, it's 2am and I'm crying and tired and worn out. If I'm rambling it's because I've held this in for so long, not wanting to burden friends or family with my marital troubles.

[00:00:44] I, 34 female, have been with my husband, 37 male, we call him Nathan, for 8 years. Ever since our daughter, 3 female, was born, I've been unable to trust Nathan with anything no matter how small.

[00:00:59] Background Context

[00:01:30] I've not worked in 5 years, which has been fine until our daughter was born. Between the settlement money, I paid off house and my salary. I enjoyed having him here with me. He contributed by handling most of the domestics. We pay for a weekly cleaner with monthly deep cleaning because it gave us more time together. Ever since our daughter was born, it was like a light switch turned off in his head. For our daughter, he would buy the wrong sized diapers.

[00:01:56] not fully mixed bottles put diapers on backwards leave out pooped covered wipes forget to latch

[00:02:02] cabinets this past week he has gone to the store three times because he keeps going home with the

[00:02:08] wrong size socks and shoes for her i eventually just ordered the right ones on amazon for me he's

[00:02:14] tried to help me with my weekly pill organizer philip and several times has spilled the contents

[00:02:19] of new medications all over the floor then not seeing that he didn't get all of them off the floor

[00:02:25] he's repeatedly brought me grapefruit juice to take my medications with a huge no he's repeatedly

[00:02:32] forgotten that i can't have dairy and puts milk in my coffee or cheese on a burger he has broken so

[00:02:38] many things of mine from being careless he's shattered my laptop because it slipped out of

[00:02:43] his hand when he tried to pack it up for a trip even after i said i would pack my own electronics

[00:02:48] we've lost so many spoons and forks at his disposal he tried to replace the head gasket in my car and

[00:02:54] over torque the engine bolt which shattered inside the block and two different shops said they couldn't

[00:03:00] repair it we ended up getting a new vehicle because a replacement engine would have cost

[00:03:05] eleven thousand dollars a week later he crashed the new car into the garage door because he thought

[00:03:11] he'd press the brakes not accelerator he wanted to do tiktoks and streaming as a hobby i supported him

[00:03:18] initially but i quickly noticed a pattern anything regarding our daughter or me he was sloppy and

[00:03:24] careless he never whoopsed his own stuff he would build entire sets to stream or make videos with

[00:03:30] leave the garage and leave his brain in the garage it came to a head four nights ago he streamed himself

[00:03:36] building a new set piece nine hours straight meanwhile i worked clocked out early to pick up our daughter

[00:03:44] from summer camp cooked and fed both of us got her ready for bed he came out to help put her to bed

[00:03:50] i let him know that i needed to get some work done and would be in my office and i asked him to take the

[00:03:55] trash out he says he will two hours later i left my office and the house felt really warm he'd taken the

[00:04:02] trash out but left our front door partially open and was back in the garage with his game volume really

[00:04:07] loud i panicked since our daughter is able to get out of bed and thankfully she was sound asleep but

[00:04:13] she could have easily toddled right out of the house and he wouldn't have noticed then i noticed a

[00:04:18] stove top burner was on with a small pot on it with nothing inside i didn't use the stove for cooking

[00:04:24] that night i popped my head into the garage and said hey i need you for a minute i informed him of

[00:04:29] the door situation and he responds i thought i locked it we checked the camera and no he did not i asked

[00:04:36] about the burner being on and he said he was planning to make ramen and forgot he pulled a still hot pot

[00:04:42] off the burner and put it straight in the sink on top of our daughter's favorite plastic plate which is

[00:04:47] now ruined i'll admit i overreacted and screamed what are you doing he realized what he'd done and

[00:04:54] pulls the pot off our daughter's plate and straight onto the countertop i grab it quickly and run

[00:04:59] underwater to cool it down i tell him i can't tonight i can't deal with him i'm taking my meds

[00:05:05] and going to sleep he gets a cup from the cupboard and sets it straight onto the burner that had been

[00:05:10] on i hit my limit i started crying he kept saying that it's fine things happen it was just an accident

[00:05:16] he's had a rough day from streaming he's just tired why am i crying it's just a cup we can replace it

[00:05:23] the anger hit and i said it's because i have a liability and not a partner he said what the

[00:05:28] fuck does that mean i screamed that it's because i can't trust him to do anything that i'm always

[00:05:33] having to watch him like a child always having to bear the costs of his mistakes but every time i get

[00:05:38] careless and think i can trust him to be an adult i'm always the one getting fucked over i then said i

[00:05:44] can't see you as a partner anymore you're just another liability in my checkbook he immediately

[00:05:49] stormed out of the kitchen and went to bed i called my mom and told her what happened she thinks it's

[00:05:55] just stressed and offered to take our daughter for a week so we could figure this out without our

[00:05:59] daughter seeing it she says it was an arsehole thing to call my husband a liability in the morning

[00:06:03] i told my husband that my mom would pick up our daughter from summer camp and offered to watch

[00:06:08] her for a week he said okay and that's the only interaction we've had since he spends all day in

[00:06:13] the garage playing games with his friends making tiktoks and streaming for food he's been ordering

[00:06:18] doordash and having the person deliver it in the garage it's been days and he refuses to be in the

[00:06:23] same room as me i've tried messaging him to ask if we can talk or figure out a solution but he's just

[00:06:30] left me on red if i pop into the garage he ignores me but apologizes to his friends or viewers for the

[00:06:35] interruption and geek unmute his mic when the noise stops before the blow up i've asked if there was

[00:06:41] something going on i try to gently respond every time he screwed up so our daughter didn't associate

[00:06:46] mistake to anger i asked him to schedule with a doctor to see if something was going wrong

[00:06:52] medically he always said i was overreacting people make mistakes and didn't see an issue even when the

[00:06:58] same mistakes kept happening when i tried to get him to understand that it was concerning just how

[00:07:03] expensive his mistakes were getting he'd wave it off as it's not like we can't afford it i love him

[00:07:09] dearly i just missed the person he was before we had a child the one i could trust and rely on did i

[00:07:16] screw this up forever was i being too harsh on his mistakes and i'm missing something am i the arsehole

[00:07:23] in the end on this one i think that you're being left with very very little choice i was thinking

[00:07:29] along the same lines as op and i think it's important just in case is that and it might not be of course

[00:07:36] but and as always i'm no doctor etc etc but to see someone medically about what's going on

[00:07:43] the behavior is wild in itself from and you said it was all fine before before you had your daughter

[00:07:48] and then suddenly it all changed there's always the chance that you know he may be just being an

[00:07:53] arsehole now absolutely but there's also the chance that it could be something medically as well and

[00:07:59] it's important to get that checked out but if he's not willing to do so which you said yourself then

[00:08:05] you know he's leaving you very little choice he's not talking to you and it sounds like things are

[00:08:10] escalating to the point now where it's causing a danger not only to you but your child as well

[00:08:15] leaving the door open when your child could just wander out leaving the hob on with stuff on top of

[00:08:20] it costing your family lots of money and you know mistakes happen but this is it's like time and time

[00:08:27] again it just screams that something else is going on but jackie blue ideas says i wonder how peaceful

[00:08:34] it has been for you since he started living in the garage has anything broke in your house any

[00:08:39] accidents happening okay environment says peaceful but expensive i wonder how he's paying for all the

[00:08:45] doordash if he isn't working how much of her money is he blowing with his hobby and food when he's not

[00:08:52] even going anywhere okay device says this op should honestly put a lock on a card let i force him out of

[00:08:59] the garage and then op can tell him to get the fuck out listen to learn says i'm sorry this is

[00:09:04] happening and i honestly think something is very very wrong with your husband there's several

[00:09:09] occurrences that can't be seen as mistakes and you're not overreacting forgetting a pot on the

[00:09:14] stove is obviously dangerous but leaving the door open with a toddler means he doesn't seem to be

[00:09:19] situationally aware enough to keep his child safe it's not just the same mistakes over and over again

[00:09:24] it's the fact that the consequences are getting worse and worse that can't be minimized and ignored

[00:09:29] he really shouldn't be driving anything nor should your toddler be left alone with him

[00:09:34] if he's unwilling to seek medical advice and deflecting you may need to consider having him

[00:09:39] leave your home he's a walking disaster literally tiara kitty says exactly this you were right to

[00:09:47] label him a liability in the show why women kill a toddler does in fact die because she was able to

[00:09:53] leave the confines of her yard and got hit by a car the husband's mistress left the gate unlatched

[00:09:58] in her haste to escape but the husband gaslit his wife for years insisting she must not have closed the

[00:10:03] gate properly and therefore it's her fault their daughter died but i digress you don't want to get

[00:10:09] to the stage where his mistake leads to your daughter getting hurt or yourself the fact that he refuses to

[00:10:15] take it seriously and not self-reflect is fuel to the fire i'm not going to tell you to leave

[00:10:21] because it's your house kick this dead weight out of your life not the arsehole

[00:10:43] so then op comes back in with her update and says sorry for not being so responsive thank you to

[00:10:52] everyone who gave feedback and suggestions and all of the messages it's been a week before i get into

[00:10:58] the update going to answer some repeated questions why does my husband not work he can easily find

[00:11:04] employment but we both agreed that the pay was never worth the toxic environment of his field

[00:11:09] unless he wanted to start his own business which he did not he worked in home repair and renovation

[00:11:15] it was gross how his co-workers spoke of and treated women female customers and co-workers alike

[00:11:21] he saw many female co-workers be sexually harassed into quitting he hated how gross it made him feel

[00:11:27] when sales and adjusters would take advantage of women yes selling inferior and unnecessary services

[00:11:34] at a premium is a thing if he said anything his hours would get cut until he left he left one job on the

[00:11:40] first day because his boss left a screaming voicemail for not selling a refrigerant service to a young black

[00:11:46] couple who didn't even need refrigerant yes he's got documentation and reported multiple employers to

[00:11:52] the state labor board and checked back nothing was ever done to our knowledge he also tried a factory job

[00:11:58] and a warehouse since leaving the trades both heavily penalized him for needing scheduled time off my medical

[00:12:04] needs there's no worker protection here for any of that until fmla unpaid which takes a year to be eligible

[00:12:12] for yes it is a privilege to walk away from a paying job with your middle fingers held high

[00:12:17] i've done the same many times but i'm happy where i am right now because it's the opposite of toxic

[00:12:23] i'm thriving and our company has no penalty unlimited paid sick medical leave policy that is strictly

[00:12:29] enforced at all levels of management any lead who penalizes people for taking leave gets sacked

[00:12:35] a unicorn of a company add in a child and short of finding another unicorn employer who won't penalize

[00:12:42] him for needing time off for me or our daughter such as when daycare closed for a week due to an rsv outbreak

[00:12:49] puts him out of the workforce until either i stop working or our child is old enough to not need

[00:12:54] consistent monitoring last reason for this dynamic is that although i'm disabled my job pays almost double

[00:13:01] the highest salary he's ever had with no reduction in pay than needing time off it doesn't make financial

[00:13:07] sense for us to switch who the working partner is two does my husband have a large following or make

[00:13:13] money from streaming and tick tock no his lives have an average of six viewers and his twitch has three

[00:13:20] followers when we did our taxes he didn't get a 1099 and he showed me they got all of six dollars

[00:13:27] from tick tock live gifts nothing from twitch his view accounts are about the same as end of last year

[00:13:34] three why do we still have a weekly housekeeper and have our daughter in summer camp and part-time daycare

[00:13:40] i hate the dynamic of one spouse working a single job for 40 hours a week while the other juggles

[00:13:46] simultaneous domestic duties child rearing care enrichment socialization and essentially being on call 24 7

[00:13:53] i would not want those expectations of me and couldn't fathom putting all of it on someone i love

[00:13:59] and cherish if my husband did all the activities and field trips that daycare did his evenings and

[00:14:04] weekends will be taken up by domestic duties and i would physically struggle with assisting

[00:14:09] weekly housekeeper helps prevent the third cleaning paralysis where small missed things piled up into

[00:14:15] unwieldy monster tasks and struggling with where to start the monthly deep cleaning organization has been

[00:14:21] a world of self-care as we navigated to having an infant and the transition from infant to toddler

[00:14:27] edit to add our daughter started at the part-time daycare when she turned three before then my partner

[00:14:33] was the primary caretaker which made the weekly housekeeping that much more helpful in not letting

[00:14:38] things fall to disarray four the allowance thing yes i wanted a dynamic where my husband had his own

[00:14:45] money even if he was not working a paying job maybe i've been on social media too long but i've

[00:14:51] read so many stories of non-working spouses albeit mostly women being financially abused or unable to

[00:14:57] leave marriages because they did not have access to money they could save up in private should i have

[00:15:03] stopped it sooner when our dynamic became too unbalanced yes i own that five as for what happens if or when

[00:15:10] we divorce the house and settlement balance is in the trust completely separated and as far as my lawyer can

[00:15:16] tell out of his reach alimony would be up for a judge to decide but between my documentation that his

[00:15:22] licenses and certs aren't expired plus my continual medical costs there's a good chance of not being

[00:15:28] obligated hopefully that answers most or all of the background related questions on to the update friday

[00:15:36] i finished work to the smell of food being cooked my husband was plating dinner on the table when i left my

[00:15:42] office he said he wanted to talk over dinner some people had given me a heads up that my story was

[00:15:48] on multiple tick tocks and i'm grateful because it meant being prepared for the possibility he would

[00:15:53] see it which i have feelings about my post being used for content on the very platform my child and i have

[00:15:58] been neglected for not good ones he did see one he asked if it was me and i told him the truth yes i wrote

[00:16:06] it yes that's how i feel and yes i read the comments on reddit and no i won't delete or change how i

[00:16:12] write about him just because i know he can see it i don't know how to describe his reaction but he said

[00:16:18] he spent the last day reflecting on just how bad it could be for so many medical diagnosis suggestions

[00:16:23] be given as reason and justification he did say that he's not adhd his mom was addicted to opioids

[00:16:31] and ritalin when he was a kid and she tried to get numerous doctors to have him diagnosed adhd

[00:16:37] she had him believing he was so he also sought out two opinions once he was an adult he didn't

[00:16:43] learn about her addiction until his mid-20s he did seek therapy once he was aware that his mom was

[00:16:48] trying to use him for pills he said he was willing to see the psychiatrist one more time but he didn't

[00:16:54] think he's adhd or autistic at all he does think he might be depressed though if not depressed he will

[00:17:00] ask about some of the other medical suggestions if it will ease my worry or rule out a major problem

[00:17:06] he did sound genuine in this but something he said is sticking with me he said it jokingly and

[00:17:11] apologized as soon as he saw the hurt in my eyes that everyone saying there's something wrong in his

[00:17:16] brain must be onto something since he chose to love and marry someone medically fragile knowing our life

[00:17:22] together would be anything but normal he did also admit that the night he left the door open the pot on

[00:17:28] ruined our child's favorite dish and a cup he drank a little too much on his stream and would monitor that

[00:17:34] more closely he said the last few nights he'd been filling his wine bottle with grape juice so it

[00:17:39] looked like he was a jolly drinking viking but he was actually sober he said he would keep that going

[00:17:45] after dinner we went out and he surprised me with seeing the new deadpool movie we didn't go to our

[00:17:51] normal theater because he looked up what each theater had for limited edition popcorn buckets

[00:17:56] i now have the baby deadpool one that holds popcorn and a drink we spent the next day going over the

[00:18:02] the extent of how much our family dynamic changed for the worse how the little things have added up

[00:18:07] how i see change as a part of an apology if you verbally apologize but repeatedly do the same thing

[00:18:13] the apology words are worthless to me and that he didn't recognize just how frequently he was making

[00:18:18] the same and similar oopsies sunday we spent talking over short and long term what needs to change

[00:18:25] immediately him scheduling his own doctor appointments timelines for expectations he agreed that replacing

[00:18:32] or fixing things he caused will no longer come out of our expense account he will pay from his allowance

[00:18:38] account which we talked about i did turn deposits back on but only for 50 dollars per paycheck

[00:18:44] he suggested we keep it that way until he's paid back the cost of repairing the garage and car

[00:18:49] from earlier this year he said it will take him far longer to undo the cost of destroying the engine to

[00:18:54] my last vehicle but he's going to step up and find ways to make it right just so you know yes i see

[00:19:01] the red flags love bombing not knowing how frequently despite repeated talks thinking verbal apologies

[00:19:08] are the final step in apologizing and not understanding that repeatedly doing the same problem thing is the

[00:19:13] same as never apologizing and yes i know he will read this who actually think this is resolved and

[00:19:20] will come out of this as a perfect married couple who stays together until one of us croaks not really

[00:19:26] well offense to husband for now is it a potential resolution maybe but my husband is fully aware that

[00:19:33] he has a lot to make up for a lot to fix and a tight schedule to make it happen and that's the lesson

[00:19:39] for our daughter later in life is either going to be taking real accountability and steer away with

[00:19:45] ship back to course taking accountability is the right thing to do even if you don't get the result

[00:19:50] you wanted or love alone isn't enough tldr wow this sucks i suck for letting it get this far

[00:19:59] my husband sucks for what he's put us through life owes me a dinner date if he's gonna f me so hard

[00:20:05] but there's a potential path forward that doesn't involve divorce and sometimes involves divorce

[00:20:10] edit to add he finally read the post so please read between the lines to what i'm actually saying

[00:20:16] last four words of the previous four paragraphs if not obvious so a commenter says to op so he was

[00:20:24] breaking ship because he was drunk why is his solution to being drunk filling his wine bottle with grape

[00:20:29] juice is the wine consumption integral to his seven online followers and said he marler says and yet not

[00:20:36] drunk enough to break his stuff always hers funny that affiliate diamond says the sheer volume of red

[00:20:44] flags in your situation is like a parade on the fourth of july impossible to ignore it's commendable

[00:20:50] that you're handling this with such persistence and clarity focusing first on his health but the

[00:20:55] bottom line still looms responsibility and partnership must follow his unemployment paired

[00:21:00] with a lukewarm streaming hobby is cause for concern it's not merely about bringing in money

[00:21:05] it's about contributing to the household emotional and physical well-being in a meaningful way and

[00:21:10] another commenter says you're absolutely right the red flags are impossible to ignore it's great that

[00:21:15] op's husband is willing to seek help and make changes but actions speak louder than words if he

[00:21:20] doesn't follow through with real tangible changes all the promises in the world won't matter being a

[00:21:26] partner means more than just being physically present it means actively participating in the

[00:21:31] relationship and the responsibilities that come with it op deserves a partner who pulls their weight and

[00:21:36] truly supports her in their child not just someone who promises to do better and the final comment

[00:21:43] says i think you would find that if you separated he would manage to find a way to keep a job and people

[00:21:49] were talking about op's edit about where they said he finally read the post so please read between the

[00:21:54] lines to what i'm actually saying and it's the last four words of the previous four paragraphs if it's not

[00:22:00] obvious and it's just so you know i know he will read this love alone isn't enough and sometimes involves

[00:22:08] divorce and it just kind of felt like when he did see the post on tick tock or social media wherever

[00:22:14] that he just panicked and said like shit i best cook something and say some nice words here to get me

[00:22:19] out of this sticky situation and it's like op said actions mean louder than words you can say sorry

[00:22:26] all you like but it's not going to change anything unless you change your behaviors it sounded like from what op was

[00:22:32] saying with those last four words of each paragraph that op is getting out of that situation and many of the

[00:22:38] comments are just saying red flags all around nothing's going to change but what do you guys make of this one let us

[00:22:44] know your thoughts down in the comments below just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here today getting

[00:22:50] involved in today's stories your love your support your time always means the absolute world to me so

[00:22:55] thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love