I Blew Up At My Husband's Family Reunion After The Way They Treated Me r/Relationships

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Hello, we are Julia Becker and Chris Sommer from the podcast Drinnies.

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[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I am a 35 year old female married to a 38 year old man.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_00]: We've been together for 10 years and have two children, 9 and 5.

[00:01:18] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband works very hard, has multiple jobs and he works throughout the week.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Recently we had a discussion about taking time off and spending some time together.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00]: It is difficult because of things in his past that exhumed a lot of debt,

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: which is why he works so much.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I work 60 plus hours a week and take care of the household and childcare things

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: while much of his income goes to paying his debts.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I keep up with the household, I do the housework and lawn work repairs etc.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: and he contributes where he can.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Within this year, he has taken time off for family and co-worker events.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_00]: He has scheduled time to take trips with his friends

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: and when he does, I am the designated babysitter.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Many days after he gets home, he is responsible for his parents.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00]: He takes them grocery shopping, fixes things at their household

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_00]: and does some of their housework.

[00:02:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I forgot to mention, he is one of five and all four siblings live close to his parental home.

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00]: His parents assist in childcare for his siblings but not for us.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I have told him my frustrations are being consistently placed on the back burner.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_00]: The other day, I lost it.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I found out he invited his family to our house for a family reunion last week.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I thought he took time off of work and he didn't.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: The house was a mess and most of the mess was his.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I was expected to clean the house, get the groceries, run the kids to their weekend events,

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: start cooking and get the reunion set up as he set the time for 4pm,

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00]: the time he gets out of work.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: The kids are helpful in doing their chores and cleaning their rooms.

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I got the house clean and by the time his family started pouring in,

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I was stewing as he was at work.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: He asked me why there weren't any clean towels as he was going to take a shower

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and I freaked out in front of his whole family.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I ran down the list of how I'm always on the back burner for these people,

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_00]: how I'm one person and I'm the one contributing to the household while he works just to pay off his debts.

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_00]: How I have no security or support in this relationship

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_00]: and that he is living like another child

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_00]: and that all I feel like I'm worth is an occasional fuck whenever he's in the mood.

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I let it all out.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I ended with I'm done.

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I packed a bag and I took off.

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I sat in a parking lot hysterical and though the kids weren't present, they were outside playing.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00]: He's a good father to the kids but as a husband, I feel like I'm better off by myself.

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I have so much resentment towards him and no, he hasn't called,

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: he texted me loud and clear which made me even more angry

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00]: because this is exactly how he deals with everything.

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm now feeling like an asshole for going off and saying all I did in front of his family

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'm the asshole.

[00:03:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Now clearly this was just a breaking point for you, the tipping point.

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It sounds like this has been going on for some time and you just let it all out when the final straw came.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: He doesn't sound supportive of you.

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: He sounds very disrespectful in what he's done in this one story.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_00]: He arranged a family reunion and expected you to take care of everything.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's gonna piss anyone off but clearly there's a lot more things building up to this as well.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: But vegetable business says so.

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Tell him to move in with his parents while he pays off his debt, that way he can care for them.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Hang with his friends, take the kids on the weekends and do whatever he wants with no consideration of you

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_00]: and you can enjoy your home, children and weekends to relax all with

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: and one less giant child to care for.

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And then when his debts are paid, you two can sit down and decide if the best course of action is separated lives.

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Not the asshole.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Next commenter says the straw that broke the camel's back is real.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately, the timing was bad for this but you said things that had to be said and it didn't do his family any harm to hear them.

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Now take some big breaths, go get some food, don't want to be angry when you go back.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Marshall your thoughts, make a plan and go rescue your kids.

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Try very hard to kick him out to his family.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_00]: You keep possession of the house for the kid's sake.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Decide if him living elsewhere while you do therapy seems plausible.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever you do, get a lawyer.

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_00]: He screwed you financially for years.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_00]: You need professional advice.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Redmayne says I don't know how your husband can demonstrate any more clearly that he does not view you as a partner.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Whereas nanny cook maid and whore.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: How long before you think your kids see it too?

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00]: If they don't already.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_00]: He's good with you spending your time doing these things because he gives him freedom to do what he actually wants to do

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00]: and see the people he actually wants to spend time with.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00]: One more comment from Equal Brilliant who says talk with a divorce lawyer.

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Find out what your options are.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to get stuck with half of his debt.

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Can you support yourself and the kids without him?

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: You may be able to avoid his debt if you don't want to ask for spousal or child support.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Tell him he needs to move back home or just out until he gets his shit together.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Once he's out start therapy then you can decide if you want to try and save this marriage

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_00]: but honestly I don't think it's salvageable.

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Your resentment has been building for too long.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully some of his family sees how shitty things have gotten for you and give him hell on your behalf.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I know I would if I was around when something like this happened.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Take some more deep breaths, eat your favourite food, go back home and tell him to get out.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: So then OP comes in with our update and says update wow oh wow thank you all for your advice.

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: The kind words and some kick in the pants type of support.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I came here to see if I was the arsehole and was body slammed with a lot of harsh truths.

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not going to lie much of it was cathartic to hear and that I'm not the arsehole

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: and it hurts to hear that I'm being taken advantage of.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00]: So here's where I'm at.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: After the loud and clear text I was bombarded with phone calls and texts from his family.

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I sent a message to my husband to give me some space and if he had any care for me

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_00]: and this relationship to call off his dogs.

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I put my phone on do not disturb with the exception of my children's iPad.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I called my mother, sent her some money and she picked them up for a special grandma date slash sleepover.

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Once they were there I FaceTimed them and told them I was working.

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not working.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I had a secret rainy day fund and splurged on a nice hotel and spa day.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I had a few drinks and cried my eyes out some more

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_00]: and just spent the day unplugged and journaled all my feelings.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't had time to do any of that in a very long time.

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_00]: After that I mustered up the courage to open Reddit and read my fate and wow I was surprised.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I was fully expecting a ton of you are the arsehole comments.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00]: To clear up a few things I shamefully do not know the lengths of his debts.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Much of it was from his parents putting bills in his name.

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Others is just mismanagement of money, credit cards etc.

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_00]: I took over the finances after I found a letter in the mail saying that we're going to lose the house.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I was contributing to the household bills at the time and he was doing the finances.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I trusted things were well.

[00:08:13] [SPEAKER_00]: This was after marriage and after kids.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00]: He went to counselling because of it and he said he was ashamed and afraid to tell me the truth.

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I took over about three years ago and told him to focus on clearing his debt

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_00]: and I'd hold the household down while he did.

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I did not expect it to take this long and with inflation everything just become more expensive

[00:08:32] [SPEAKER_00]: and that much more hard for me.

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I was supposed to go back to school and that was put on hold so I could catch up on what we were behind on.

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Hence the working 60 plus hours.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm a nurse and I work 12 hour shifts and capitalise on overtime where I can.

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I agree with the comments saying I'm burnt out.

[00:08:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I realise this today.

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I realise that work or at home I'm constantly in critical thinking care given mode.

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_00]: My job is to care and problem solve for everyone but myself.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I clear up the comment if his family doesn't watch our kids is because they did so one time

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_00]: and threw it in our faces and I said never again.

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I see how they use him.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I've said something before and he returns with one day they won't be here

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_00]: and I wish I could have done more.

[00:09:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him that's fine but you have siblings that are equally responsible

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_00]: some that don't have spouses or kids that can contribute.

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_00]: As far as the house and things go he does really help when he can.

[00:09:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't jump on me I just want to be truthful.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_00]: I think it came across that he comes home and does nothing.

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_00]: He just works up to 16 hours 7 days a week and so a lot of times it's me giving the majority of it.

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_00]: As far as the trip goes yeah that's a sore spot.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_00]: He tells me about them.

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_00]: He takes the day off and it pisses me off.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I have to beg for time and if and when we do get it we end up in a fight

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00]: or I have to plant everything or we can't get sitters and sit home and he sleeps all day.

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And to be honest I'm so full of resentment that it's almost too little too late.

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Like when I'm around him I'm just so pissed off.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_00]: He says I always have an attitude in that he's trying but nothing is ever good enough.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So I just stopped and accepted my fate since the blow up.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I haven't spoken to him yet besides telling him to call off his family.

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_00]: It was part of the do not disturb on my phone.

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm enjoying the peace.

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm enjoying being myself and just being present and aware of my feelings.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Knowing my kids are safe and I can truly take some time for myself and my mental health right now is everything.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I know tomorrow I have to go back to reality and deal with everything.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I promise to update when I can.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sorry to leave you a hang in if this isn't the update you had hoped for.

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I just want to enjoy this escape a little while longer while I can before my world implodes.

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you all and please keep the advice coming.

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00]: I truly am alone on this one and need all the advice and support I can get.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And we have another update but the top comment on this one said every single day he's lighting you on fire to keep his parents warm.

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00]: It's a choice he is making.

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_00]: If he had his way he would have made your children homeless.

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_00]: He won't even tell you the extent of the deaths and you stayed with him.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00]: What the fuck are you doing?

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_00]: How do you know he stopped overspending?

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_00]: How do you know his parents aren't taking out more debt in his name?

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00]: How can you trust him?

[00:11:21] [SPEAKER_00]: He won't even tell you the extent of the damage.

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_00]: You're killing yourself for him.

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_00]: You're not able to be fully present for your children for him.

[00:11:28] [SPEAKER_00]: He can't even be honest with you.

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Now about a week or so ago we covered a story and it told me about a book called

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Adult Children of Emotionally Immatured Parents

[00:11:37] [SPEAKER_00]: and I found it really eye-opening, especially reading some of these stories in the behaviors you see in it.

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And obviously not making excuses for anyone's behaviors or anything like that.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_01]: For a month I used all the Petolo services and a video chat with Dr. Fressnapp

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_01]: for free and free tests.

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_01]: You can find all the information on petolo.de.

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, OP came in with a second update and said update. Thank you all again for all the advice.

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I woke up this morning with a clear head.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm still upset and disappointed.

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I have tons of voicemails from his family.

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't have the energy to listen through them all.

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't care. Like I said, I'm angry but I also feel embarrassed.

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I did call my husband this morning.

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I could tell by his voice he didn't sleep last night and he confirmed that he in fact did not.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00]: He told me after the blow-up he asked everyone to leave.

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_00]: He was surprised to see my mother as I sent her to pick up the kids.

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_00]: He said that's when it really became real.

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_00]: We had a long conversation.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I did apologize for exploding and doing so when I did and not communicating better.

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00]: He said he understands why I felt like I couldn't and was actually glad it happened the way it did.

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_00]: His family finally got to see how much they affected his home.

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_00]: According to him, after I left he laid into them and told him that he can no longer be the one to help his family out.

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And that a lot of the mess he's in is their fault.

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_00]: He said that after the blow-up he told his siblings they need to step up and help with his parents.

[00:14:02] [SPEAKER_00]: His parents were obviously upset with the whole ordeal.

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't care less to be honest.

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_00]: He couldn't believe that they are such a burden because they asked for a little help from time to time.

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I just rolled my eyes in disgust as he was talking.

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_00]: My new space along with my feelings of hurt and anger just let me speak all my truths.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I had nothing left to give or lose so I told him how I felt about everything.

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_00]: He sat in silence for a while then finally broke down and said he feels like a failure.

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_00]: He's ashamed of the debt and how much he has let us down.

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_00]: He said he was exhausted and he's been feeling depressed because he couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_00]: and feels as though he's ruined our future.

[00:14:41] [SPEAKER_00]: He goes out with his friends to feel normal in himself because all he does is work.

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_00]: And he does this because of the black cloud that's being hanging over him.

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I wasn't the best self in this moment and told him to save me the self-pity. It's pathetic.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_00]: That he got himself into this mess and I'm digging him out.

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm fucking depressed too and there's a ton of shit I want to do that I can't do

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_00]: because I'm financially unable to do so.

[00:15:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I went off about how over the past three years his income has gone solely to debt repayment

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_00]: yet there's no end in sight because I haven't even seen the so-called debt.

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I've given him my all and as much support as I could gather but I'm angry.

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't the life I pictured or set myself up for either.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not the life my kids deserve.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I've missed out on so much because I'm working or cleaning or I'm just so tired

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't even open my eyes.

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him he has no one to blame but himself.

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_00]: I think my disdain was concerning.

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_00]: He said he will show and prove that he will print out his credit report

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_00]: and list out all the debt he has along with all his paystubs and bank records

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_00]: and the receipts of what's paid off

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_00]: and whatever else I want as far as his finances are concerned.

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_00]: He promised me my hard work was not in vain and that he is almost debt free.

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Come to find out his parents opened credit cards and bills in his name when he was younger

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_00]: that proved close to 100k of debt in his name.

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Not including interest.

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_00]: They trashed his credit and that's why it's taken so long.

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_00]: According to him, he's been fighting with the collection companies to settle

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_00]: trying to consolidate or get a lower interest as it was multiple companies and debts.

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_00]: But I didn't know some were so bad his wages were being garnished.

[00:16:20] [SPEAKER_00]: He was in tears and said he didn't know how to tell me

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_00]: that he didn't even know the extent of what they did.

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_00]: He was basically working all these hours with nothing to take home to us

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_00]: and accruing more debt just to survive.

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I stayed silent. My blood was boiling.

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_00]: He didn't even realize he just helped me make my decision.

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_00]: He jokingly said my outburst took care of the family situation

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_00]: and that's why he texted me loud and clear

[00:16:45] [SPEAKER_00]: meaning he and they got the message.

[00:16:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him I didn't find it funny.

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_00]: It's a shame that it took an outburst from me for everyone to hear

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_00]: what I've been saying all along.

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_00]: That he's an idiot not filing charges on his parents and just taking it up the ass

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and allowing it to ruin my life and the children we created lives.

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him he's a, and I'm not sure how to pronounce this word.

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like I tried Google it. I couldn't find nothing.

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Pinelay? Pinelay?

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Apologies.

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel so stupid.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_00]: He said he didn't call me because he knew how mad I was

[00:17:17] [SPEAKER_00]: and was scared he would say the wrong thing

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_00]: and say things just like that.

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I thanked him for the honesty in the conversation

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_00]: and told him I'm so broken, angry and hurt right now

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't even pick up my pieces let alone his.

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Right now I need to clear my head.

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_00]: He said he's willing to do whatever it takes to turn this around.

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_00]: He even suggested marriage counseling.

[00:17:37] [SPEAKER_00]: He told me he used his PTO

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_00]: and took the rest of the week off to work on this.

[00:17:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I lost it and sobbed uncontrollably.

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_00]: If it was that easy to take time off, why now and not then?

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I asked him why didn't it matter before we got here?

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Why now?

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him he needs the time off to find counseling

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_00]: both personal and legal.

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_00]: I won't be coming home.

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_00]: He asked me if I was serious.

[00:18:02] [SPEAKER_00]: He begged me to rethink my decision.

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_00]: He said all the things I've been wanting to hear.

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_00]: He asked me where I was going to go

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00]: and what about the kids in the house and the bills?

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I couldn't tear the kids from the only home they know.

[00:18:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I simply replied I know this is what needs to be done

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_00]: and I've already set the ball in motion.

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_00]: He hung up on me.

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I cried and then went to get the kids.

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_00]: We're going to have a wonderful week in a somewhat fancy hotel

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_00]: and swim in the pool and order room service

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and make some memories.

[00:18:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I took some of the money I've saved in my rainy day fund

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00]: and extended my hotel stay to include me and the kids.

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_00]: I have an awful lot to catch up on with them.

[00:18:39] [SPEAKER_00]: The look on their faces when I said no,

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Mummy doesn't have to work tonight was priceless.

[00:18:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I also have an appointment with legal consultant Samara.

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Hopefully I can talk to a lawyer and figure out what's next.

[00:18:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Wish me luck everyone and thanks again.

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And the top comment on that one from HelpStatician says

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_00]: make sure the lawyer knows what the debt situation is

[00:18:59] [SPEAKER_00]: and try to get a credit report.

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Make him send you the login,

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_00]: not just a screenshot so you can see his entire credit history.

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Show your lawyer which ones indicated were fraud.

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_00]: 100K will put your kids through university.

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00]: That's a house down payment, not to mention interest.

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_00]: He decided the family he came from is more important

[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_00]: than the family he made with you.

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_00]: So you're going to put yourself and your kids first now.

[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_00]: It is absolutely crazy and incredibly sad at the same time

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_00]: the amount of parents who will take advantage

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_00]: of their children like that

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_00]: and continue to ask for more

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_00]: after they've run up 100K in debt in this guy's name.

[00:19:37] [SPEAKER_00]: And some people were questioning whether

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_00]: if they do get a divorce is that 100K

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_00]: going to be a part of her debts as well?

[00:19:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And for him to be sitting there

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_00]: knowing what his parents did with his 100K

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_00]: and he still wants to do everything he can

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_00]: for them because one day they won't be here

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00]: is wild.

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:19:57] [SPEAKER_00]: What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00]: and we're going to have one more story from

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Adventurers Belt664 who says

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm the asshole.

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Not giving my deadbeat father the inheritance

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_00]: left by my grandpa.

[00:20:11] [SPEAKER_00]: That would have been his normally.

[00:20:14] [SPEAKER_00]: My father late 50s left my mom when I

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_00]: 20 male was 3

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_00]: and my sister was a newborn baby.

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Mom had many mental health problems after this

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00]: and were instead raised by our grandpa

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00]: dad's dad

[00:20:27] [SPEAKER_00]: and grandma until her passing when I was 7.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Grandpa died last year and I took over as

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_00]: legal guardian for my sister.

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Grandpa had nothing to do with my deadbeat father

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_00]: although he was aware the deadbeat had

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_00]: married and fathered other children in the

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_00]: last 5 years.

[00:20:42] [SPEAKER_00]: But it changed nothing for him because

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_00]: he did not look too kindly on a man who would

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_00]: abandon two children the way my father did.

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_00]: He literally left the country to evade child support

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_00]: and refuse contact with his family for years.

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_00]: He also emptied out all the money

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_00]: he and my mom had before he left us.

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_00]: So he left us with literally nothing.

[00:21:01] [SPEAKER_00]: When grandpa drew up his will

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_00]: he looked into how he could leave my father

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_00]: with nothing but that wasn't an option.

[00:21:07] [SPEAKER_00]: However, he didn't need to leave him with more

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_00]: than a single dollar and so that's what he did

[00:21:12] [SPEAKER_00]: and the portion that would have been my father's

[00:21:14] [SPEAKER_00]: was divided between my sister and me.

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_00]: He also left the house to my sister and me.

[00:21:19] [SPEAKER_00]: My strange father attempted to fight the will

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_00]: and get the share of my sister and I own

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_00]: but he was denied because my grandfather

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_00]: did everything above board.

[00:21:26] [SPEAKER_00]: My father's siblings ended up

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_00]: back in contact with him after

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_00]: grandpa died and while they're not close

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_00]: like before, they have a relationship

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00]: that my sister and I have no interest in being

[00:21:36] [SPEAKER_00]: a part of. Where the moral question comes

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_00]: in is this. My father has a child

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_00]: who has a life-limiting medical condition.

[00:21:43] [SPEAKER_00]: He and his wife are struggling to

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00]: keep their heads above water with

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_00]: four young kids and not a lot of money.

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_00]: He feels I should give him my share

[00:21:50] [SPEAKER_00]: of the inheritance for the sake of the kids.

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Believing grandpa was wrong not to think

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_00]: of them at all in his will. He left

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_00]: nothing to my dead beats other children.

[00:21:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him he wasn't getting anything

[00:22:00] [SPEAKER_00]: from me and that my father's siblings

[00:22:02] [SPEAKER_00]: got involved and they feel I should give

[00:22:04] [SPEAKER_00]: him my share and that having the house

[00:22:06] [SPEAKER_00]: and my sister having the money should

[00:22:08] [SPEAKER_00]: be good enough but I could do it as

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_00]: an act of kindness for other siblings.

[00:22:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I refuse to meet or get to know.

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been under some intense

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_00]: pressure over this and it's all

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_00]: driven by the illness and condition

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00]: that one of his children has. I know

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_00]: that's the only reason my aunts and uncles are so bothered by it.

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_00]: From I, he ass off.

[00:22:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously I don't know the

[00:22:28] [SPEAKER_00]: fault ins and outs of OP's life

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_00]: etc etc but

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_00]: part of me the way OP

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_00]: explained how much of a piece of work this guy

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_00]: is is thinking is this

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_00]: actually true? I feel bad

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00]: saying that but you know it has to be

[00:22:42] [SPEAKER_00]: considered with the history of this guy

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_00]: and why is father's

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_00]: siblings or jumping on your back about

[00:22:48] [SPEAKER_00]: this as well? Why aren't they contributing

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00]: if they're so worried about it themselves?

[00:22:52] [SPEAKER_00]: This guy took all the money when he

[00:22:54] [SPEAKER_00]: ran, avoided paying child

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_00]: support and your grandpa cared for you.

[00:22:58] [SPEAKER_00]: All I can say is

[00:22:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't wish ill on any children

[00:23:02] [SPEAKER_00]: or anything like that but

[00:23:04] [SPEAKER_00]: it's simply not your responsibility

[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_00]: in the grand scheme of things and I don't want

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_00]: this to sound horrible, I don't want this to sound like

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_00]: careless or anything like that because I really

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_00]: have empathy for that child

[00:23:14] [SPEAKER_00]: but they are strangers to you

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_00]: you don't know them. To put that pressure

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_00]: on you it's just something else

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_00]: after everything he's done as well

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_00]: oh dear, Isaac Cofey on wine says

[00:23:23] [SPEAKER_00]: grandpa knew what he was doing. He said

[00:23:25] [SPEAKER_00]: grandpa knew he had other children but left his

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_00]: first two and drained the bank

[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_00]: account and purposely acted in a way

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_00]: not to have any financial responsibility

[00:23:33] [SPEAKER_00]: to you sister or mum. Grandpa

[00:23:36] [SPEAKER_00]: specifically left it to you and your sister

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_00]: but their beat dad is facing the consequences

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_00]: of his actions now

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_00]: not the arsehole

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_00]: OP responded saying my sister

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_00]: and I feel that way about it too

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_00]: we know grandpa saw this as our father's consequences

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_00]: and that he likely saw it as my father

[00:23:52] [SPEAKER_00]: being forced to pay up for us

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_00]: one way or another

[00:23:55] [SPEAKER_00]: and the majority of the comments

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_00]: followed down the same path of

[00:24:00] [SPEAKER_00]: they're simply not your responsibility

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_00]: there was a couple of other comments as well saying

[00:24:03] [SPEAKER_00]: maybe you could contribute some

[00:24:06] [SPEAKER_00]: with the other relatives as well

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_00]: other people saying

[00:24:09] [SPEAKER_00]: against that don't do that

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_00]: but what do you guys make of this

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_00]: situation? Let me know

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_00]: your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:24:18] [SPEAKER_00]: just a huge thank you from the bottom

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00]: of my heart for getting involved in today's

[00:24:21] [SPEAKER_00]: stories. Your love, your support, your time

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_00]: always means the absolute world to me so

[00:24:25] [SPEAKER_00]: thank you so so much and hopefully

[00:24:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you in the next one. Take care

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_00]: and much love

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for watching!