I Believed My Friends Over My Wife In Regards To Our Close Friend r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:18] story. Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from ThatGuyMN and says, Am I the arsehole here for believing friends over wife? I, 41 male and my wife, 45 female, married over 10 years, are at an impasse. Her and

[00:00:36] I have a mutual high school friend that has been around for a long time. We all tend to hang out at our place and he stores some of his stuff and does a lot of work on cars and

[00:00:45] such at our place, just to keep busy. He is friendly with our kids and they have all gone dock or shore fishing together without me, due to my long work hours which I have never

[00:00:54] seen as an issue. I was recently told by more than one of her close friends, as well as other people outside of our circle, that she has been intimate with him on more than

[00:01:04] one occasion over the past 3 years but not for the last 18 months. This was a concern I have had in the past because I have seen how she is around him and being we work opposite

[00:01:15] shifts I am just getting to bed when she is getting home. Possible overstepping moment, we do have some cameras in our home that oversee the closer areas around the house but don't project onto the further property, approximately 3 acres. I tend to watch the cameras while

[00:01:32] getting into bed to make sure she makes it home safe from work. Sometimes she sits in her car for over an hour after she pulls in, then comes inside and talks on the phone for

[00:01:42] another hour or so, then goes to bed after I am asleep. On occasion he is over working on something and she gets out and talks to him for up to 3 hours. I have a void going

[00:01:54] to sleep, multiple nights to confirm this. 75% of the time it's all on camera and looks to be standard conversation other than some body language concerns. The other 25% it is almost 500 plus feet to where they are talking at night and unable to see confirmed.

[00:02:14] The information that I was told, friends are tired of her lying and me being hurt so they couldn't hold it in anymore. Two times in the past, most recent was 18 months ago, she

[00:02:25] has snuck off with him and been intimate with him. One time was while they were fishing, in her vehicle. I am aware of one time in the past them going up there without the kids

[00:02:35] or me, left after dinner and were up at the lake for approximately 4 hours. Another time was right on the property, closer to the 18 month mark than the other. He has an enclosed

[00:02:47] trailer that I gave to him that he moves in and out of on occasion. For a while he had it parked and had an air hockey in it that I have seen. He hung out in there for many

[00:02:57] nights for multiple hours, sometimes with the kids playing air hockey. It was parked close to the house but outside of camera view. Friends said that she and him went at it in

[00:03:08] there a few days before the air hockey table was put in. After learning of this, I started researching what and how yada yada. Obviously the first stop was our phone records, matching up the times that they were text or call, mostly text. Generally when I'm at work

[00:03:24] or when I'm asleep. Is she? I was asking the persons providing the information to me for hard proof, all have stated only word of mouth. Statements from them say that she tends to talk about him over excessively amount and hardly ever talks about me. One

[00:03:41] even stated on the phone over the course of 2 days more than once that my wife said, it happened more than 18 months ago so I don't know why it's coming up now.

[00:03:50] In my quest for proof, I did a bad thing. I opened a google voice number and text him with two odd messages in an attempt to get proof of him texting her and her getting defensive.

[00:04:00] It worked. First message to him, he knows. He replied, he knows with a question mark on the end. Second message to him, about you and his wife, no reply. We both had the

[00:04:13] night off so I just sat in waiting. She was not aware of my suspicions at this point but she knew something was off. 25 minutes after I sent the messages, ding, she receives a message and has to go to the bathroom before bed. She returns about 4 minutes later and

[00:04:30] we go to bed. She falls asleep quickly but I however am just staring at the ceiling for 3 hours until my mind finally allows me to pass out. Next morning, I check the phone

[00:04:41] records again and see who messaged her. It was him, one to her, one from her. I head outside and slam the front door because I am just beyond understanding in my head. She follows me out and asks what's wrong. I explain to her just about everything. Her freaking

[00:04:57] out, denying, defensive and argumentative. Me just calmly stating the facts that I have received thus far. Making typical statements. Why don't you trust me? You're a wife. I would never. He is nasty. You are being insecure. After discussing the situation for

[00:05:14] a while, I ask if I can see her phone to provide the proof she is stating. Well, she does. All previous messages between him and her were deleted except for two. One to her from

[00:05:25] him and one reply. The ding last night. Nothing prior but the phone records show things as recent as 3 days ago. There were tons of messages over the past month. Now, nothing. Why? She

[00:05:39] says she was just cleaning out old messages to make space. That's the gist of it. We've been back and forth the past couple of days because of this and I'm just at a loss. She's

[00:05:49] making all the standard statements but there is just a lot of wtf. I don't know what to believe anymore. Can anyone help me comprehend this insanity? you have proof, you have records that these messages have been going back and forth.

[00:06:42] They spend hours talking but always pass where the camera can see. The cover trailer is parked out of the camera view. They go fishing for hours alone. She deletes all messages to and from him straight after he sends a text warning her you know.

[00:06:57] She calls you insecure. A default response. I'm your wife and you don't trust me. And finally, says he is horrible. There is not a woman alive who would spend that much free time

[00:07:08] text time with a man who she claims is horrible. In fact, most wives would make it very known they don't want him about. You must also realize how they are both using your children as cover.

[00:07:19] I'm not sure what else you need. She replies saying dude is legit blind as hell. If my wife spent that much time with both a guy, a friend and avoiding me I'd be applying for divorce for a

[00:07:30] ludicrously obvious emotional affair even if they actually weren't fucking. Who the hell watches their wife have a totally innocent hours long conversation with their male friend? On the sofa in the same room? Nope, in the car outside. OP has issues. Needing her friends to tell you they

[00:07:48] is like OP's kind of the asshole for ignoring the mountain of evidence and creating the need for the friends to be the messenger here. I can imagine being them talking to each other. He must

[00:07:57] see it by now right? We don't have to get involved. How can he not see it? And then OP came in with her update because the majority of the comments after that one were just saying she's cheating.

[00:08:10] Oh dear. OP says this will be for some perspective and question answering with a small update at the end. Let's start from the top. Let's add some anonymous names. Me, Andy, Wife, Melissa, High school friend Chad, Most info providing friend, Candy.

[00:08:27] Time frame this all started with me receiving the information on the 26th. The Chad and Melissa one text was on the night of the 28th at 11.15pm. 1. Is this a real post? Yes. 2. Am I stupid

[00:08:42] blind? I assume so. I fully understand that the generations are different with most people on here and myself but I believe in a no divorce scenario. That over the last 25 years together,

[00:08:54] 17 married, I've definitely considered it. Due to the stress that I endure as she treats me more like a credit card and acts like a roommate. 3. Deleted text folder. She allowed me to take

[00:09:06] her phone to attempt to do so. Samsung S24 Ultra with the newest update using the base google messenger does not have any trash, deleted folder or any way of retrieving. This was not a positive

[00:09:18] moment. As for the phone company, I will try to look into that. Verizon? I'm guessing that's a service provider in the US. 4. Who to believe? I do and do not know at this point because after

[00:09:31] all these years I do trust my wife but this has soup sandwich written all over it. The friends that are bringing this to me are her closest two which makes it harder because they are trying to

[00:09:42] play both sides to readmit it to them so they can record it. Much needed smoking gun. Both of them are known drama starters and have been around us as much as Chad. They are pushing to get information

[00:09:53] from her for me. One of them states he admitted it to her on the morning of the 27th wondering how it could come up 18 months after it happened and why now. Then again on the 28th. Again,

[00:10:06] all damn phone conversation. What do they have to gain? They both know I've been hurting for a long time and are tired of keeping it a secret. They have also stated that they will not come clean

[00:10:18] to her that they have told me which does not help. 5. More cameras. Yes, I will be installing one more camera this evening facing onto the extended property. We only initially installed three for around the home for general theft and delivery reasons. As for hidden cameras,

[00:10:35] I was planning on getting a couple of trail cams as I already have installed a driveway alarm, seeing there is only one entrance on the property. 6. The two messages that night.

[00:10:46] The first was from him to her. I'm coming by tonight to get my truck. He had the truck parked on the property for a couple of days. She replied, okay. There is no evidence of him showing up that

[00:10:58] evening, on camera or via any further messages. He did however arrive at around 11am the next day and he grabbed his truck. Just a few hours after we argued about everything and I was at work.

[00:11:09] 7. One chance to be honest. I did this. She completely denied it. I even said that I wouldn't care, I just want to be told the truth. She continues to deny. I'll admit, I am a rather

[00:11:22] aggressive person when it comes to reacting. I do not make any contact, I am just easily angered. I have been called as a cucumber during this and I believe it's causing her to take an upper hand

[00:11:33] in denying. 8. Why did I tell her? With the information I had at the time and not knowing what the text messages the other night said, I believe there was proof in her phone.

[00:11:44] After telling her, she willingly gave me access to her phone which showed me the deleted messages. We have stopped talking about it completely. I am trying to act normal until I can be provided with

[00:11:55] what I repeat as the smoking gun. Yes, I am a bit of a bitch about it on my end and I am not giving up by any means. I am just waiting for the 100% proof of statement. The only messages and screenshots

[00:12:07] I have that states anything related to it in black and white is an indirect question. Melissa getting off the phone with the one friend that has given me the most info. Realizing that she was on speaker

[00:12:18] and her husband was in the room. Melissa said, are you on speaker? Did you tell him? Referencing friend's husband. Will he say anything? Which was 2 years ago but no other information that can

[00:12:30] corroborate. The other, Melissa said, so I see why he wouldn't trust source. He must not know who she got it from. Her referencing me because she does not know she is talking to the one that told me.

[00:12:43] Candy said, right but Chad wouldn't have told anyone about you two having sex or anything unless someone went through this phone maybe. Melissa said nope and nope. This also adds to the list of fishiness. Melissa's reply almost seems like she is agreeing to the act but again

[00:13:00] it is not a direct statement. Since the last time we talked about it, the 30th, she has been almost excessively attached to me. The last few years, at least 10, have been very dull in our relationship and I have been making

[00:13:14] statements of being ignored with her typical marriage bedroom issues. Hardly any that is. In the past week she has initiated and been almost aggressive with wanting to do the act. My assumption is to keep me from asking more about it or trying to confuse me into forgetting.

[00:13:29] Yes, I have been accepting her advances. No, I am not letting the whole situation slide. I am just still gathering information. We have started marriage counseling just as a backup

[00:13:40] plan. Yes, I am still posting doubts because I need to know the truth for the sake of my own mental state. I am not one to have any sort of mental issues with my life and background but

[00:13:52] this has taken a major toll on me and I am going to persevere until I know the truth. I know I shouldn't be on Reddit but I truly don't have anyone to talk to in our circle or around it.

[00:14:02] Having a third party out of a circle opinion or 100 is actually helping me process things better. Even my best friend from junior high, not Chad, is dating one of the females involved,

[00:14:13] friend too, and they have not talked about things together. Other than that, what I have told them that I am okay with them talking about. I am worried that she may know more but will not rat

[00:14:23] on Melissa, Pan Slash or he will take her side. Again, yes, I know I am being a pansy but I have never been in a situation like this. I am just truly confused. I was sent the next story over on Twitter,

[00:15:25] thank you for sending me that. I want to give you a warning before we get into this story, if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. It will be likely the last story

[00:15:42] of this video. So thank you so much and let's get on with it. This is from SmallAdhesiveness672 and says from Itheasshole here, We're cutting mother-in-law out of our lives after she sent a wedding invitation to our baby we lost. I lost a baby in the second trimester.

[00:16:01] It was unbearably heartbreaking. I had to go in and deliver the baby that was gone and on top of the grief I was battling I had to explain and console my young child who wanted her sister

[00:16:11] so badly and kept asking why she went away. My father-in-law and mother-in-law were such assholes that weekend, acting like the loss and procedure wasn't a big deal, harassing my husband

[00:16:23] to come visit and when he didn't they showed up on our doorstep. It was a big fight and both sides are still upset about that weekend. I have one of those birth flower bouquet prints on my wall.

[00:16:35] That's the birth flowers of the kids I now have and forget me not for the baby we lost. My in-laws roll eyes, make faces and make comments at it and anytime acknowledge the baby we lost. My mother-in-law has made snarky comments to others anytime I include the memory

[00:16:51] of the baby we lost like that. We fought with her about it. That's part of the reason we've been low contact. I just got a wedding invitation from a cousin on her side that we've not seen in

[00:17:02] years. It was for my husband, myself and our three kids. I only have two living kids. A family member said that was weird because they know the cousin called mother-in-law to ask how many kids we have

[00:17:14] since they didn't know and it must have been a mistake. But another family member said she just knows she did that to hurt me. Mother-in-law says she loves to play the villain, especially with her.

[00:17:27] Knowing her and what she has done in the past to be intentionally hurtful and laugh while claiming she thought that's what we wanted. Hubs and I would bet money on that she's over there smirking and waiting to say we thought we wanted our dead baby acknowledged.

[00:17:40] We were waiting to go full no contact until after mother's day because mother-in-law's mom passed away last month. I thought it would be too hurtful for her to have mother's day without

[00:17:50] her mom, son and grandkids. Would I be the asshole if I just went full on no contact now a week before?

[00:18:37] And then doing something so cruel intentionally like that. I'd be letting other people know as well because that is just awful. But KM Flushing says why in the world would you wait to go no

[00:18:47] contact? Because it'd be cruel because she lost someone, you lost someone, your entire family did. She has been incredibly purposefully cruel to you and your family. She regularly made fun of your

[00:18:59] loss. It's time to stop trying to be the better person and protect yourself and your family from harm. Newtonian Law says not the asshole, absolutely no contact. Explain to everyone you don't let vicious people with no empathy in your life to abuse you. Never do anything for this

[00:19:16] Cruella again. And that's how you refer to her from now on. She is Cruella DeVille. All communication with her is through your husband. Block her from everything that is yours. Honestly that level of meanness is unforgivable. Hope you respond saying thank you. I think people in her

[00:19:34] extended family brush it off because she plays it off like a game and she's just playing with me. How can anyone teach me to toughen up and not be so sensitive? She was a theater kid 40 years ago

[00:19:47] and still acts like she's the main character playing the villain, always what she was cast as. And it's the role of a lifetime. I think people think she's kidding because it seems unreal. But this is my life. She's enjoyed pressing any sensitive button from mocking and teasing about

[00:20:03] the baby we lost to my past as a sexual assault survivor. Mother in law gets worse. I'm tired of being laughed at and told I'm too sensitive. This is my breaking point. Life sucks to be alone but she made her bed. One more comment from Arwen who says

[00:20:19] The thing about this type of person is that they thrive on negative attention, getting others upset. That's what they live for. They don't actually want you to stop being offended. They don't want you to be less sensitive. They prey on other people's weaknesses

[00:20:33] for a reason because they know it's upsetting. There's no reason to explain how it hurts. They know. There is no reason to put up boundaries. They know it was. My advice? Abuse survivor. Don't show any emotion, empathy, consideration or willingness to talk. Just leave. They already

[00:20:51] know why and most are surprised you let them play with you for however long they did. The OP added a couple of little updates and said We blocked her on everything. I told my husband I think I need to cut her out immediately

[00:21:02] and he said let's do it. The air already feels easier to breathe. Update 2 A new social media account was created late last night with no photo or info and messaged me a few times on TT. I already blocked them but the message was

[00:21:17] to the effect of You're a stupid b word and I'm not ready for what you have coming. We all hate you. We've told the whole town for years. They know what a controlling b word you are. He's going

[00:21:29] to leave you and the kids for coming between him and his own mother. You are done ruining this family. You'll be alone and nobody will want you or the kids. Your punishment is coming. You are

[00:21:39] done for. So that's intense. I would say mother in law noticed we blocked her on everything. Now I'm not saying this is the right thing to do for OP because OP needs to look after their own mental health, safety etc. and this mother in law sounds absolutely unhinged.

[00:22:00] But me, I just want to call out this person. I want everyone to know, the whole town to know what a scumbag she is. Any normal thinking person would tell you that what she says is absolutely

[00:22:12] awful. Awful human being all around. And your second update there as well. You know he's going to leave you for the kids. You're going to be alone. No one wants you or your kids.

[00:22:22] The family should be turning their back on her. Not playing this down as a oh this is just who she is kind of thing. Yeah that's who she is. A person that jokes about someone losing a child.

[00:22:31] That's ridiculous. I am so sorry you're having to, well you're not anymore. Fair play to you OP. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this person up until this point. I kind of wonder,

[00:22:42] is that something you can report? There is kind of like a tiny threat in there isn't there? That you're not ready for what you have coming? I'm not sure if that's reportable or not. But

[00:22:51] what do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you from the bottom

[00:23:01] of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.