I Answered A Phone Call At My Best Friends Wedding And She's Furious r/Relationships

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[00:00:58] Who says, I'm I the asshole for going on my phone for an emergency at my best friend's wedding?

[00:01:06] I don't even know what to think right now. My best friend since childhood got married last weekend.

[00:01:12] Chad and unplugged wedding. Unplugged wedding is where you don't go on your phone at all.

[00:01:18] I totally respect that and might even do it for my future wedding.

[00:01:22] The entire morning of a wedding was beautiful and the ceremony was unforgettable.

[00:01:28] When the reception began, my sister called me. I didn't answer but was confused why she was calling me because I told my family to not contact me since there was no phone.

[00:01:38] She blew up my phone, sending me around 70 calls. I got to the point where I had to answer.

[00:01:44] My best friend is usually understanding so I thought she'd be okay with this.

[00:01:50] My sister told me my mom was in an accident. She's okay by the way only a concussion.

[00:01:56] Someone saw me on the phone and told my best friend. I went to go find my best friend, the teller.

[00:02:02] I had to leave and she yelled at me for being on my phone. I explained the situation to her and she told me that wasn't an excuse and I could have waited till after the wedding.

[00:02:12] I left immediately but only because of a stupidity but because I also had to go to the hospital.

[00:02:19] She texted me and cursed me out telling me that it wasn't that hard to not be on my phone.

[00:02:24] A few of our friends and a husband also called me names. My family is saying I'm not the A-hole but I can't help but feel bad.

[00:02:32] I also don't think it's worth losing a lifelong friendship. She was like a sister to me.

[00:02:38] Also for context, I was not a bridesmaid. She didn't have any bridesmaid.

[00:02:43] Edits. Quick edit just to clear a few things up because if I see one more comment saying I should have went somewhere more secret I might lose it a lot.

[00:02:52] I went to the parking lot. I tried to bathroom but a few people were in there. The parking lot was empty.

[00:02:59] Also this is not the first time my best friend has been shitty. There have been other situations where she was the A-hole.

[00:03:06] Like when I couldn't hang out because my sister was having a baby and wanted me there.

[00:03:11] She isn't very considerate when it comes to medical issues if you can't tell.

[00:03:15] A honeymoon ends on Sunday so I'll message her then. I'll definitely be removing the best part in best friend from now on.

[00:03:23] An OPS1 comment which adds a little bit of additional information if you like this said I don't want to lose her as a friend but the situation has definitely opened my eyes to other situations where I should have dropped her.

[00:03:35] I'm going to talk to her in a few days once she gets back from a honeymoon.

[00:03:39] I don't want to disturb her while she's enjoying her vacation.

[00:03:43] Now for me, I can understand having the unplugged wedding in the actual reception when they're doing their vows and all this kind of thing but to carry it on for the rest of the day even when OPS got out into the car park to make this phone call and someone's gone

[00:03:59] I just saw Roe Pia in the car park on her phone.

[00:04:02] I just find that a bit weird in itself really but absolutely not the A-hole.

[00:04:07] I'm trying to put myself in this brides position and I see someone who's gone out on their phone.

[00:04:12] I would instantly think they've got something going on, there's something that they need to handle and even after they found out it was an emergency they're still berating you for it.

[00:04:22] Like many of the comments I'm sure are going to say I would really be side-lying this relationship with a friend.

[00:04:29] That's not a friendly relationship to me, that someone who's trying to control the situation.

[00:04:34] I'd be concerned for your family member and saying I really hope everything's okay.

[00:04:38] Let me know if I can help you out in any way.

[00:04:41] And the fact that this spread around to a few of your friends and a husband then they're also calling your names.

[00:04:47] They haven't taken a step back from this and thought hold on, OPM an emergency that she needed to deal with just instantly went to calling you names.

[00:04:55] Yeah, not the A-hole at all and like I said I'd seriously be considering their friendships.

[00:05:02] But Leela and Heron says not the A-hole but your friends' behaviour is about the only suggestion I could have made about handling it differently was perhaps to make sure

[00:05:10] you were somewhere private when you took the call against the rules.

[00:05:14] And OPM did confirm that they was in the car park but that was in an edit of course.

[00:05:19] Midwest Yellow Moon says not the A-hole, your mum was in an accident.

[00:05:24] You went to the hospital, your friend is not the centre of the universe and you didn't disrupt their wedding from what you describe.

[00:05:30] You want to save the friendship you say.

[00:05:33] So you were sorry you had to leave and handle a family emergency but it was necessary.

[00:05:38] That's it, and maybe downgrade your friendship a little.

[00:05:41] Your boyfriend lacks empathy in his self involved.

[00:05:45] Yo says not the A-hole, you had a real emergency, your friends' behaviour is controlling it manipulative.

[00:05:51] Granted it was her wedding but she should have been more understanding about the situation.

[00:05:56] If she saw you on your phone she should have thought that it might have been a real emergency for you and would make an exception.

[00:06:02] Ultimately OPM, your friend just sounds really self-centered.

[00:06:07] One more comment from Lake who says not the A-hole, the A-hole in the story is the person who ratted you out.

[00:06:13] You don't really mention how far away you went before taking the call which we found out a little bit later.

[00:06:19] I assume you went out of sight, taking emergency phone calls has to be ok.

[00:06:24] Just take the call and answer question place so not to disturb the wedding.

[00:06:28] But that person that saw you take the call and went to tell the bride.

[00:06:32] What a proper asshole.

[00:06:34] They didn't know what the call was about yet, they decided to escalate.

[00:06:39] That's the person who decided to turn this into a disturbance of the wedding.

[00:06:43] The OPM did give a brief update to their post around six days later and said final update so I messaged her yesterday asking if we can talk.

[00:06:52] She said she doesn't want to meet in person because I might just up and leave with another one of my family members gets hurt.

[00:06:58] I asked if we can talk on the phone and she said yes.

[00:07:01] I basically told her the entire story and my point of view.

[00:07:05] She told me I was the A-hole and I wouldn't be invited to future events.

[00:07:10] She told me the reason she was so upset is because I stole her attention and light on her day.

[00:07:15] She acted like I planned this and planned for my mum to get into an accident to steal her shine.

[00:07:20] I basically told her that her point of view is fucked up and self-centered.

[00:07:25] This incident has just made me realise how bad of a friend she actually is.

[00:07:29] I told her not to contact me and that we weren't friends anymore.

[00:07:34] I also asked her who tattled on me when I was on the phone and it was her mum.

[00:07:39] Her mum has always been the mum that doesn't like you.

[00:07:42] She always treated me bad so I'm not shocked.

[00:07:46] She's tried changing her number and reaching out to me this morning but I told her to stop trying to contact me or I get the police.

[00:07:53] I also changed my number so none of her family and friends can contact me.

[00:07:57] This is all such weird behaviour for me.

[00:08:01] Like Opie went out into the car park.

[00:08:03] They did go to a private place to do this.

[00:08:06] Mum apparently comes out and goes, oh my god she's on the phone.

[00:08:09] Goes and tells the bride which is really weird in itself like on her special day.

[00:08:14] Clearly trying to cause drama on this day.

[00:08:18] And instead of this whole group of people trying to think logically about the situation

[00:08:23] and thinking, oh maybe it's just an emergency.

[00:08:26] Maybe she really needed to be on that phone out in the car park in privacy.

[00:08:31] They all went absolutely back shit crazy.

[00:08:34] And then the start of this update when you messaged a bride said, asking if you can talk.

[00:08:38] And her response was, she doesn't want to because you might just up and leave

[00:08:43] another one of my family members gets hurt.

[00:08:45] That'd be an instant block anyway.

[00:08:48] What an absolute nobid.

[00:08:50] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:08:53] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:08:56] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:08:59] Put yourself in Opie's position.

[00:09:01] Call him Molly.

[00:09:02] And let me move on to another story.

[00:09:05] And our next story does have updates as well from a throwaway account

[00:09:10] and says girlfriend has a secret conversation every morning.

[00:09:14] And it's making me crazy.

[00:09:16] My girlfriend 26 female and I 32 male have been dating for a few months.

[00:09:22] I work switched to full home working recently so I started staying over more

[00:09:27] than things had been great apart from one issue.

[00:09:31] When I used to stay over and get up early for work, my girlfriend was staying

[00:09:35] in bed until after I left.

[00:09:37] As soon as I started working from here, she became an instant early riser.

[00:09:42] Always getting up maybe 20 minutes before me.

[00:09:45] When she asked me about it, she says she just likes a quiet coffee in the mornings.

[00:09:50] I got up earlier a couple of times, made fresh coffee and ended her a cup

[00:09:54] so we could enjoy it together.

[00:09:56] Whenever I sit, she would go and sit elsewhere.

[00:09:59] This has been really getting to me so I pressed the point and said

[00:10:03] I'm nice to sit together in the mornings.

[00:10:05] It didn't go great and when I tried to sit with her next day,

[00:10:09] I'm seeing red even as I typed this.

[00:10:11] She went into her office and locked the door behind her.

[00:10:15] She did this several days in a row last week and when I try to bring it up

[00:10:19] she says she doesn't want to talk about it.

[00:10:22] Yesterday was my day off so I stayed in bed.

[00:10:25] Waited till she got up for her quiet coffee and I crept into the office

[00:10:30] and as I suspected she's talking to someone.

[00:10:33] She was speaking very softly so I couldn't make out but it sounded like an intimate conversation.

[00:10:39] I've barely spoken to her since and I don't know what to say.

[00:10:43] How do you address this when she refuses to even speak about it?

[00:10:47] What is she getting from another relationship when I'm with her 24-7 the last two weeks?

[00:10:52] I do have a small camera I could put in her office.

[00:10:55] I know it's wrong but it's driving me crazy.

[00:10:58] If I need to confront her it will be easier with all the evidence.

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[00:11:59] So this post didn't get too much attention at first.

[00:12:03] There was a few comments saying to hide the camera etc. etc.

[00:12:07] But people were against saying don't hide the camera.

[00:12:11] I hope you then added another post in the MI The Arsenal subreddit and said,

[00:12:14] Am I the Arsenal for wanting to know who my girl from was speaking to every morning?

[00:12:19] And says,

[00:12:20] I noticed recently that my girlfriend was avoiding me in the mornings

[00:12:23] only for a short period of time but every single day.

[00:12:26] And insisting she just wants a quiet coffee on her own.

[00:12:29] I happened to hear her talking to someone during one of these morning sessions

[00:12:32] and obviously wanted to know who she's talking to every single morning.

[00:12:37] Today she got up and went to make a coffee.

[00:12:39] I took her mug and wouldn't let her have it.

[00:12:42] It was only joking at first but it turned worse with her saying,

[00:12:45] Just give me my mug and I lost my temper and said,

[00:12:49] Just tell me who you're fucking cheated on me with.

[00:12:51] This is where I think I'm the Arsenal.

[00:12:53] Maybe because it was something she's been doing every day

[00:12:56] since her dad died almost a year ago.

[00:12:58] He talked to him every morning while she drinks her coffee.

[00:13:01] Just chats about her day or whatever.

[00:13:04] Obviously I backed off right away and sat down,

[00:13:07] I told her it's fine and she should keep doing it.

[00:13:10] I wanted to and I just needed to know.

[00:13:13] I just thought she was talking to some other guy.

[00:13:16] She shook her head and said it was just a silly thing

[00:13:19] and she couldn't keep doing it now,

[00:13:21] She had to talk about it.

[00:13:23] I didn't know why me knowing what she's doing makes a difference

[00:13:26] and I would have avoided this whole thing.

[00:13:29] She seemed sad but she was smiling.

[00:13:31] I went into the bedroom but just a minute later

[00:13:33] I heard her crying really, really hard.

[00:13:37] I went back and she was saying,

[00:13:39] He's gone now.

[00:13:40] He's really gone.

[00:13:41] So I said, are you talking about your dad

[00:13:43] and she just got up and ran out the door.

[00:13:45] He has not answered my text and about an hour ago

[00:13:48] her brother came to the door and called me a fucking asshole and worse.

[00:13:52] I honestly thought he was going to hit me.

[00:13:55] He took some of her stuff and said she won't be home tonight.

[00:13:58] I never meant to absurd her, is it not reasonable

[00:14:02] to want to know who your partner is talking to every morning?

[00:14:05] I'm sorry she got upset but am I really in the wrong here?

[00:14:09] So the post was overwhelmingly voted that you're the artist.

[00:14:14] I'll just give you a couple of comments

[00:14:17] so you can get where they're coming from.

[00:14:20] Joey B985 says you're the artist or 100%.

[00:14:23] You let your insecurities get the best of you.

[00:14:26] The other guy's often end up losing their partners because of a guy.

[00:14:29] That guy is themselves.

[00:14:32] Heavy G Throws says you're the artist or use your words like an adult.

[00:14:36] Who are you talking to in the mornings?

[00:14:38] What the hell is this?

[00:14:40] I'm going to take your stuff to make you tell me what I want to know

[00:14:43] and accuse you of cheating on me with no proof.

[00:14:46] You're a huge asshole for your behaviour in your attitude.

[00:14:49] You've also ruined something that was precious to her.

[00:14:53] And one more comment which says you're the asshole big time.

[00:14:56] If you're this convinced she's been cheating on you

[00:14:58] and either you need to gather together your evidence

[00:15:01] which one would hope contains more substantive proof than her wanting time to herself

[00:15:06] or talking in earshot of you every morning,

[00:15:09] and have serious conversation.

[00:15:11] Or you just need to break up.

[00:15:13] Playfully interfering with a morning ritual which yes

[00:15:17] could be talking to her dad or god or herself

[00:15:20] and then exploding on her is not how you deal with the problem

[00:15:23] which frankly sounds like your insecurity to manage

[00:15:26] and not her problem anyway.

[00:15:28] ETA Since I feel the need to clarify this based on your previous post

[00:15:33] evidence of her cheating does not not not mean secretly recording her.

[00:15:39] Again, if you got nothing better to go on then

[00:15:41] she has conversations over coffee.

[00:15:43] She's not actually making an effort to hide from me.

[00:15:46] Maybe she'll start by asking herself why she's so desperate

[00:15:49] to carve out space away from you

[00:15:51] and you'll need to know exactly what she's thinking at any given moment.

[00:15:55] The OP added another post which was on the relationship

[00:15:58] advice subreddit and says going to be homeless

[00:16:01] because my girlfriend won't talk to me.

[00:16:04] My girlfriend and me had an argument last week

[00:16:06] over coffee of all things.

[00:16:08] She got out of hand and she went to stay somewhere else to cool off.

[00:16:12] Now she's only speaking to me through a brother who hates me anyway

[00:16:16] so I don't have a chance to set things right.

[00:16:18] He's saying I need to move out in three days

[00:16:21] so she can come home.

[00:16:22] I have nowhere to go and can't get a place on my own so fast.

[00:16:26] I know if I could talk to her we could get past this

[00:16:29] but everything is going through him

[00:16:31] and I'm sure he's twisting her words and mine to keep us apart.

[00:16:35] She's blocked me on everything and her phone is here so I can't call or text her.

[00:16:40] What can I do to get past her brother who's trying to keep us apart?

[00:16:44] I need to set things straight or I'm going to be homeless.

[00:16:48] Edit. She's taken some leave from her job

[00:16:50] but a work phone and laptop are here

[00:16:52] so I could possibly use her job to convince her to speak with me.

[00:16:56] No no no no no.

[00:16:59] The OP responded to a few of the comments below that post

[00:17:02] someone's honest living arrangements and working arrangements

[00:17:05] OP says no the house belongs to her

[00:17:07] although I have a key and do live here full time.

[00:17:10] I don't drive and don't have much money right now

[00:17:12] also I need internet access for my job.

[00:17:15] I've been using a laptop that isn't mine.

[00:17:17] I need to talk to her or I'm finished.

[00:17:20] I know we can sort this out but her brother is deliberately preventing it.

[00:17:24] I haven't got anywhere else to go.

[00:17:26] I'm not using homeless lightly.

[00:17:28] I've not been contributing so far as I'm trying to deal with a lease of my old place

[00:17:32] but was planning to very shortly.

[00:17:34] My girlfriend owns the house outright

[00:17:36] so I wasn't shorting her by not contributing to rent or anything.

[00:17:40] Information about his old apartment he says

[00:17:43] we've been together a few months.

[00:17:45] I've been living here a few weeks due to a problem with a lease at my old place.

[00:17:49] One of the problems her brother has with me is because his friend's dad owns my old building

[00:17:55] so it's obviously nothing to do with me and his sister.

[00:17:58] He's just being a dick.

[00:18:00] I don't have a lot of stuff, probably a suitcase of clothes and a few other items.

[00:18:04] I've not been able to collect my stuff from my old apartment.

[00:18:07] My big problem is having no access to a computer as I can't do my job without that.

[00:18:11] I've been using a laptop here.

[00:18:13] I only have about $400 right now

[00:18:15] and another $70 in cash.

[00:18:18] And a dispute with the landlord and you won't let me collect my belongings.

[00:18:22] Opie responds to someone else and says you would get on well with him

[00:18:25] and you're both so determined to take the worst possible view on everything.

[00:18:29] Opie responding to someone else saying

[00:18:31] are you just making up your own story here?

[00:18:34] I've found out what the landlord saw I moved out, a totally normal thing to do.

[00:18:38] This is completely unrelated and I have given her brother no reason to have a problem with me ever.

[00:18:44] And then says I broke the lease on my apartment so I can't go back there.

[00:18:48] It's very hard to get anywhere here without a reference and I doubt have enough for a deposit.

[00:18:53] Most of my money has tied up in various deals right now

[00:18:56] and I will take a big loss if I try to pull it back.

[00:19:00] People were seriously questioning, you know, using a work phone or laptop to force her to talk to him.

[00:19:06] Opie says they're in her office.

[00:19:09] A personal phone is in there too, although I think she has a tablet.

[00:19:12] I told her brother to take her phone and he said no.

[00:19:15] She'd get it when she's home.

[00:19:17] Edit.

[00:19:18] What he actually said was to fuck off and say I have this fucking way.

[00:19:21] I had no idea why I'm trying to hide the kind of person he actually is.

[00:19:25] He has no reason to act this way towards me.

[00:19:27] And then says it would say just tell her they need to speak with her or something.

[00:19:31] I was genuinely looking for advice, hoping someone would suggest something.

[00:19:35] I'm not a bad guy.

[00:19:38] And Opie had some more information about his current issues and problems with the brother.

[00:19:43] And says her brother has threatened to literally drag me out if I'm not gone by Wednesday.

[00:19:48] I'm pretty sure if I leave, I will not be able to get back in.

[00:19:51] I walked to the Sawyer yesterday on my way back and I saw her brother's wife pass

[00:19:55] so I cut across to get back before him.

[00:19:58] But I know someone on the street is telling him when I leave.

[00:20:01] He did not stop just drove past.

[00:20:03] He saw me in the window and didn't stop.

[00:20:06] The problem is once I'm out, I would find it very hard to prove I live there

[00:20:10] so if he does physically get me out, you could tell the cops I'm just some crazy guy

[00:20:15] and the neighbors would stick up for him.

[00:20:17] It would not surprise me if he has agreed with the neighbor already

[00:20:20] and that's who told him when I went out.

[00:20:23] I'm genuinely looking for advice on how to get around a shithead brother

[00:20:27] and make her listen to me.

[00:20:29] This is not a big argument and we can settle it easily.

[00:20:32] I just need to talk to her.

[00:20:34] What am I meant to do?

[00:20:36] I just go, oh fuck her brother, says it's over so I just pack my shit and go live in a park.

[00:20:41] I hope you're responding to someone else saying you don't know anything about this

[00:20:44] and you'd buy him a drink for bullying me into being homeless.

[00:20:48] I think that says a lot about you.

[00:20:50] It was just a stupid thing.

[00:20:51] My girlfriend has upset about some other stuff

[00:20:53] and she's mixing it all up into this one thing.

[00:20:56] If she just cooled off and let me talk to her, we would get this over within five minutes

[00:21:00] but he spent three days whispering poison into her ears.

[00:21:04] OP responding to someone else saying her brother is bullying though.

[00:21:08] Standing between two adults using his physical size

[00:21:11] to stop them from talking to each other

[00:21:13] is the one that has used abusive language.

[00:21:15] He is the one who has threatened violence.

[00:21:17] He is the one who is threatening to make someone homeless.

[00:21:20] If I posted this from the other side

[00:21:22] I'm a landlord and I'm using my brother

[00:21:24] to make someone homeless in three days

[00:21:26] and refusing to let them speak.

[00:21:28] You guys would be all over it.

[00:21:29] How is this advice?

[00:21:31] OP then came back to an older comment about planting the camera

[00:21:37] and said just for your information

[00:21:39] if I followed your advice

[00:21:41] this would have been settled quickly and quietly with no harm done.

[00:21:44] I listened to the people saying shit like use your word

[00:21:47] and now I'd wish I'd just listen to you

[00:21:50] and that was in terms of planting the camera somewhere secretly.

[00:21:54] And that was kind of the last pose

[00:21:57] so it's kind of inconclusive in itself

[00:22:00] but people were also saying he hasn't responded since.

[00:22:04] So maybe he doesn't have that laptop anymore

[00:22:06] that wasn't his in the first place.

[00:22:08] So maybe he has been dragged out of that apartment

[00:22:10] or left by himself without the laptop.

[00:22:14] That was giving me like serious creep vibes all the way through.

[00:22:18] I'm just trying to pitch you know

[00:22:19] the brother trying to get back to the house and him cutting across

[00:22:21] trying to get back before him

[00:22:23] and then standing there in the window watching him go past.

[00:22:26] Holy moly.

[00:22:28] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:22:31] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:22:34] Oh yeah, what he said in one of the updates

[00:22:36] we had an argument over coffee.

[00:22:38] Come on now.

[00:22:40] And what do you think of this one guys?

[00:22:42] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:22:44] and just a huge thank you from the problem I have for getting involved

[00:22:47] into these stories.

[00:22:48] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:22:51] So thank you so, so much and hopefully

[00:22:53] I'll see you in the next one.

[00:22:55] Take care.

[00:22:56] Much love.