Husband's Female Best Friend Is INSISTING She Hosts My Baby Shower r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Word for Strom and Art Gas Energy, Word for sicher

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[00:00:07] Word for from here

[00:00:08] From us, Ena

[00:00:09] So regional

[00:00:11] And that's all it's to Sam

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[00:00:13] Here comes Saxony and energy to Sam

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[00:00:33] Hey hey what for gang I do hope you're well

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[00:00:50] Now today's first story comes from

[00:00:52] Pollution prior 2 9 3 9 from the Am I the Arsol

[00:00:56] Subreddit

[00:00:57] Says I'm I the Arsol

[00:00:58] For telling my husband's girl best friend

[00:01:00] She can't host my baby shower

[00:01:02] I 22 female and my husband 23 male

[00:01:06] Got married young

[00:01:07] I was 18

[00:01:08] He was 19

[00:01:10] Both of us knew we always wanted to get married and start a family young

[00:01:14] I started college two years ago and he just graduated with a bachelor of biomedical science

[00:01:19] My husband has a girl best friend 23 female

[00:01:23] Who are called Sam

[00:01:25] We met in college

[00:01:26] Both of them grew up back toston

[00:01:28] While he's left the church

[00:01:29] They're very similar childhood and bonded quite quickly

[00:01:32] Despite what you may be thinking

[00:01:34] Perenn I got along really well

[00:01:37] Jin I like the same music and we were both studying in relatively the same field

[00:01:41] So she became a friend of mine as well

[00:01:44] Since I found out I was pregnant though

[00:01:46] The misuse have started to arise

[00:01:48] We are now at start pregnancy on social media after we told our parents

[00:01:52] Dan takes my husband to congrats text and then told him

[00:01:56] The past on her well wishes to me

[00:01:58] She's been texting him nonstop with baby advice

[00:02:01] What she likes to call advice for mama?

[00:02:05] Which includes sometimes relatively targeted jabs at what I should eat

[00:02:10] Honestly, I kept brushing my text off

[00:02:12] But he got to a point where the conversations were less about the baby and more about me

[00:02:16] Which I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with because he wasn't texting me. She was texting my husband

[00:02:22] My husband acknowledged this and I just started to show them to me and asked what I wanted him to do

[00:02:28] I just told him to ignore them

[00:02:31] When I announced I was having a baby shower and sent out the invites

[00:02:34] I received a text from Sam

[00:02:36] She said to me along the lines of wanting to host my baby shower and set it up

[00:02:41] I told her politely that my mom was planning on hosting it with help of my sister

[00:02:46] And that it was a special moment for them. I wouldn't want to take that away

[00:02:50] Well, Sam ignored that message because the next day she came over and insisted

[00:02:55] We start working out arrangements for the venue

[00:02:58] I told her once again my mom and sister were hosting it and she told me that I should take her advice and let her plan it

[00:03:05] Because she didn't sure the baby shell would be better if she planned it particularly because she'd be working on the menu

[00:03:12] Whether it was pregnancy hormones or just bottled up rage

[00:03:15] I told her that the jab should be making at me behind my back about my diet during this pregnancy to my husband

[00:03:21] A really annoying net there. No, she cannot host this shower

[00:03:25] And from now on her unsolicited advice was not appreciated

[00:03:29] Especially if she can't say it to my face at night my husband's phone blew up with messages from Sam

[00:03:35] Dang that he had no right to show her those messages and they were just supposed to be

[00:03:39] Health tips because Sam was studying nutritional science and only wanted to help her best friend and ensure a happy baby in life

[00:03:47] I know she had somewhat good intentions and she's been a good friend to my husband and to me

[00:03:52] So I the asshole

[00:03:54] So there was a down voted comment who brought up Sam is more knowledgeable about nutrition and just trying to help

[00:04:02] Who be responded to that saying I decided not to read a lot of messages she sent simply because I didn't care

[00:04:08] But according to my odd gen I'm eating perfectly normal things for a healthy pregnancy

[00:04:12] I've always been on the skinnier side and through high school. I was severely underweight

[00:04:17] But when I got pregnant I needed to eat more to sustain a healthy weight

[00:04:21] I don't know Sam knows that, but I do know that according to my doctor and actually eating quite well so far

[00:04:28] Open and ask the commenter. Are you Sam undercover?

[00:04:32] I have to ask but I don't know their intentions

[00:04:34] But you saying you have been and are still perhaps underweight

[00:04:39] Thanks for your unsolicited opinion on my body based on a small amount of information you have been given

[00:04:45] I've been eating healthy and I am now a healthy weight as for the advice Sam was giving me

[00:04:50] It was sound advice yes, medically I'm sure it's perfectly normal advice

[00:04:54] I'm not arguing with that but my issue comes from her unsacited comments advice

[00:04:59] That was not ever given to me under the pretenses of being a good friend

[00:05:03] Advice was given to my husband and apparently I was not supposed to see it

[00:05:08] I don't know if you yourself have ever been pregnant, but I'm going to assume no

[00:05:12] Advice you don't ask for comments on how you eat what you eat everyone loves to put their two cents in

[00:05:19] As long as my doctor says I'm healthy and eating healthy and as far as I'm concerned other people's opinions that I never asked for

[00:05:26] shove off

[00:05:28] People will get sati at the end

[00:05:30] shove off

[00:05:32] Hope you then added some additional info in the comments and says

[00:05:36] Sorry I have to post this here due to the character limits

[00:05:38] Everyone who be here just wanted to give some more context and info and answer a lot of your burning questions

[00:05:45] And also a thank you for all the well wishes

[00:05:48] Our baby girl is healthy and happy from what I've heard from our object

[00:05:51] Okay, here goes one

[00:05:53] Sam is in a short term relationship

[00:05:56] Even dating for about two months and he's nice

[00:05:59] I haven't talked with him much but from what I've gathered he treats her well

[00:06:03] Two I'll severely underweight for most of high school my mum was always very thin and so was I

[00:06:10] But in high school I suffered from an eating disorder for a while and lost a lot of weight very quickly

[00:06:15] The past three years I've been working with a therapist and food specialist to maintain a good diet

[00:06:20] And that does not change since pregnancy

[00:06:23] My job Jen is happy with my health and the house of the baby

[00:06:26] Dan does not know this only my close family friends and husband do

[00:06:30] Don't share that info with many people because I don't find it necessary too

[00:06:35] Three Sam met my husband first before I met her

[00:06:39] husband and I have been dating for three years by then we started dating in high school

[00:06:43] She's never expressed interest in my husband and I know of

[00:06:48] Oh, it was not his choice to ignore messages but mine

[00:06:51] pregnancy has given me a lot of unnecessary stress and I didn't want to add to that by causing more drama with people

[00:06:57] If it was his way you would have shut her down

[00:07:00] I told him not to because Sam has always been a passionate person

[00:07:03] And didn't think much about the messages when they first started at a since changed

[00:07:09] Five what I found most weird about the situation was that I was apparently not allowed to see those messages

[00:07:15] Yet they were about me and how I was eating

[00:07:17] Then my then was sort of snarky the worst one I saw was along the lines of criticizing me for wanting

[00:07:23] McDonald's at three in the morning and apparently a big Mac a large fries in a vanilla thick shake

[00:07:28] It's not healthy for the baby and it cried a little bit after reading that my husband did send a text message

[00:07:34] Saying that I was allowed to crave stuff during my pregnancy but she ignored

[00:07:39] Six husband and I are probably going to go low contact with her for a bit

[00:07:43] Also, he really hangs out with her anymore and if he does invites me but I don't always go because I'm tired

[00:07:50] Seven edit it was my choice to go low contact not my husband

[00:07:54] We stopped criticizing him for this decision as it wasn't his

[00:07:58] I'm all wear this post has now become a place where many people are insinuating that Sam and my husband may have something going on

[00:08:05] I assure you they do not I'm reasoning for going low contact and not no contact to my own

[00:08:12] It is what I am comfortable with at this moment. Thank you

[00:08:16] I know this is way beyond just the baby shower itself, but just to cover that for a moment

[00:08:22] But she wanted the host it. I people like you told her no because

[00:08:26] Marmin sister were planning it's a special thing for them anyone out there we're just go

[00:08:31] I totally get that if you need help in any way just let me know

[00:08:35] I'll be there if you want me to but then the next day

[00:08:38] I can turns up and insist that they start working at a range of sorts of venue that's screaming to me

[00:08:45] There's something else going on here. This is worrying and then that with all the text messages

[00:08:50] Unsolicity advice, you know, I don't belay you for bursting out the way you did and being pissed off about it

[00:08:59] And OPs edit number seven where they said they gone low contact stepping the right direction

[00:09:04] They said they're not comfortable with no contact just yet

[00:09:08] But I got a feeling it might go that way in the end

[00:09:11] It sounds like you're doing everything right for your own pregnancy

[00:09:15] You're talking to the specialist the food specialists as well especially what you've been through in the past

[00:09:20] You know listen to them. Not to some random giving you advice she may know some details

[00:09:25] But but listening to your specialists is obviously the right way about it

[00:09:29] Then OP comes in with a rough dance as everyone first I just want to thank you all for the support

[00:09:34] Truly means the world okay? So hubby and I phone Sam today and talked to her about the issues

[00:09:40] We were having with how she was acting

[00:09:43] Explain that I was very uncomfortable with the fact that she'd been texting my husband

[00:09:47] Not me about my pregnancy and eating habits and that when she assumes she'll be granted secrecy and she wasn't she got mad

[00:09:54] That I'm explaining that in the moment to seem like a good idea not to text me directly in case she overstepped and made me mad

[00:10:01] Though she was hoping that if she explained things to my husband

[00:10:04] Be able to relay that info to me casually she assured she just wanted to help protect the nurture the baby and the

[00:10:11] I said that this isn't her baby

[00:10:14] I'm perfectly capable of making sure the baby is healthy

[00:10:18] She apologized and explained that truly she only thought she was doing something good

[00:10:23] husband and I explained we're just going to distance ourselves a bit because the situation has not only made me uncomfortable

[00:10:30] But husband also said that he needs to focus on his wife right now and Sam needs to take a back seat

[00:10:36] I don't think she was overly happy with this but she said okay

[00:10:39] She asked if she was still invited to the baby shower and hubby said it may be best that she skipped it

[00:10:45] Like explained she wants her invitation is still valid and she is still welcome

[00:10:49] Sam did text me after the phone call asking if we can meet up for coffee so I'm seeing her tomorrow

[00:10:56] I got date on how that goes honestly. I think she was just misguided. He's not a bad person at heart

[00:11:04] Thanks

[00:11:05] Upday two

[00:11:06] This will probably be the last update I do unless something else happens but safe to say after today

[00:11:12] Sam is out of our lives

[00:11:14] Essentially I did go see Sam and she was not alone in fact she brought a cousin who is pause for effect

[00:11:23] Therapist oh

[00:11:24] There you me

[00:11:26] Kind of lots of words there about five minutes into Sam's opening monologue. I left

[00:11:32] She explained that after hubby and I told her we wanted low contact she realized that clearly the stress of

[00:11:37] Expecting the baby had caused me to act

[00:11:40] rationally and she wanted me to have someone to speak to she even tried to get it up by saying that yeah

[00:11:46] I didn't have to pay for this you be

[00:11:48] Anyway, I left I'll be sent to a message saying we need distance and not contact us for a while

[00:11:54] Edit this does not mean we're going low contact. We're going no contact as I stated she's out of our lives

[00:12:01] times a bit of rational right now one we just want to minimize fallout hence telling her for a while

[00:12:09] Not to psychoanalyze but honestly I think Sam needs help

[00:12:13] Really she cares but it's too much and honestly it's insulting how little she thinks I can look after myself

[00:12:19] My baby uh overbearing personality has its limits and honestly I can't take it

[00:12:26] Anyways, thank you for all your support. There's another update I'll post here for now bye

[00:12:33] Oh my word let's just go back to update one a second here where

[00:12:39] Husband and OP is explaining to her we need to distance ourselves we need a little bit of distance right now

[00:12:45] You know you're you're still invited to the baby shower if you want you're still welcome to come

[00:12:50] I recklessly after Sam texts and asked me for coffee and then ends up bringing her cousin therapist alarm

[00:12:57] I mean what what was this cousin thinking after all this if Sam explained what she's been doing and

[00:13:04] But the lead up to this surely her cousin who's a therapist would have been like I'm here for the wrong person

[00:13:11] OP should have just literally gone up and said you too need to talk to each other

[00:13:15] Holy moly on toast what do you guys make of that absolutely a no contact situation let me know your thoughts down in the

[00:13:24] comments below and let me want to another story

[00:13:57] I'm service your valaga that's Tidafondor now our next story comes from the pendant log 2003

[00:14:06] It says M. I the asshole for skipping our twins high school graduation the birth of our older daughter's baby

[00:14:16] My husband 48 male an I 47 female a three wonderful children twins 18 male an 18 female and an older daughter 25 female

[00:14:28] Recently we were faced with an incredibly difficult situation and now our twins are very upset with us

[00:14:35] We're genuinely torn and wondering if we made the wrong decision

[00:14:38] Our older daughter was due to give birth around the same time as the twins high school graduation

[00:14:44] As fate would have it, she went into labor on the exact day of the graduation ceremony

[00:14:49] This was our first grandchild and our daughter was understandably anxious and wanted us by a side

[00:14:55] We made their tough call to be their for her thinking that we could make it up for the twins later

[00:15:01] We did inform the twins about the situation hoping they would understand but they were clearly disappointed

[00:15:08] Since then they've been given us the silent treatment and have been ignoring us completely

[00:15:14] They've been going out together buying food for themselves and even celebrating their graduation without us

[00:15:20] Is heartbreaking to see them so hurt and distant

[00:15:24] They aren't speaking to their sister either, which makes the situation even more painful

[00:15:29] Our son bluntly told us that he values us an assistor more than a baby who has its whole life ahead

[00:15:36] While the graduation is a once in a lifetime event

[00:15:40] You also warned us not to try and talk to his sister saying she wouldn't bother giving

[00:15:45] Trash parents the satisfaction of a response

[00:15:48] I've noticed that my husband is deeply affected by this he tries to stay strong, but I can see the pain and

[00:15:55] As eyes every time the twins ignore him or make her full comment

[00:15:59] He suggested we spend the entire week

[00:16:02] Spoyling them with gifts and special outings to make it up to them

[00:16:06] We thought maybe we could do something special to show them how much we care to celebrate their achievements in a different way

[00:16:13] Unfortunately this idea didn't seem to bridge the gap either

[00:16:17] We genuinely had a loss and filled with a regret

[00:16:20] We thought that we'd understand the importance of both events and that we could celebrate their graduation later in a special way

[00:16:27] But seeing their reaction, we can't help but wonder if we made a grave mistake

[00:16:33] So I'm either our son for skipping out twins high school graduation for the birth of our granddaughter

[00:16:40] We're deeply saddened by the rift. This is cause and our family and I desperately seek an advice on how to mend it

[00:16:47] So there were some people asking questions to you know get some additional information

[00:16:53] Corgi Huntress says ETA

[00:16:55] After seeing OPs comments, it sounds like they could have easily had at least one parent attend the graduation

[00:17:00] That the elder daughter went into labor and they completely dismissed the twins from their minds

[00:17:06] Also gets in front of twins reactions that the parents make a habit of putting the twins second or third or last

[00:17:12] You're the arseau

[00:17:14] Info

[00:17:15] Why didn't at least one of you go to the graduation? Did your daughter have a husband or boyfriend there?

[00:17:21] Why couldn't you have left long enough for the graduation?

[00:17:24] Was she in serious labor by that time?

[00:17:28] OPs responded with to clarify our daughter's boyfriend left her when he found out she was pregnant

[00:17:34] When she went into labor we both rushed to be with her and in the moment we weren't thinking straight

[00:17:39] We were overwhelmed and wanted to support her through the birth of her first child

[00:17:44] Looking back we realized that one of us should have gone to the graduation. It was a major oversight

[00:17:50] on our part and we deeply regret it. We were so focused on being their fried daughter

[00:17:55] That we didn't consider the impact our absence would have on the twins on the twins important day

[00:18:00] We know where the arseau's in the situation and we're trying to find a way to make it right

[00:18:06] Amazing maple says you're the arseau both of you talk about favoritism

[00:18:11] OPs says I know it seems like it but we really don't have favorites. We both love our children equally

[00:18:17] We were dumb and made a decision on the spot and we regretted a lot

[00:18:23] I always find ones like this a little bit difficult because I always feel like

[00:18:27] We haven't got the full picture of their history and stuff just because the way the twins were

[00:18:32] Talking their reaction etc. So I'm just gonna try and keep it simple from my point of view

[00:18:38] Simple as possible which might end up being a bad take

[00:18:41] So but I feel that the parents know themselves that they should have basically

[00:18:46] One went to the graduation one went to the birth would have been problem solved another issue

[00:18:53] They knew the labor was coming they knew the graduation was coming on the rare chance that these coincide

[00:18:59] I feel like there should have been some sort of plan in place

[00:19:04] Their parents what do we do if this happens

[00:19:07] As always it's very easy for me to say I'm reading a very small part of their lives

[00:19:12] But they know this themselves they said this themselves in their comments

[00:19:17] I think that in itself would automatically give the verdict of your the answer

[00:19:22] Some comments talking about that the way that they address a address them one says like they say an hour

[00:19:29] Dortar and the twins like the twins in separate people themselves and the usual talk in these situations of

[00:19:37] favoritism all I say on that is I hope that's not the case and I hope that they're able to have some sort of

[00:19:47] their feelings on the matter the panic they had in those moments that they know they can't change

[00:19:52] What's happened in the past but they hope that they can earn if a given us what did happen

[00:19:57] It was a buck up and I hope I haven't played that down too much you know I'm from the UK

[00:20:03] Graduations and a huge thing actually they weren't a thing at all when I was growing up

[00:20:08] I know they've they phased in a little more now, but but they're certainly not a huge thing in the UK

[00:20:13] Like they are in the US and possibly other places as well

[00:20:17] Alling into polka dot says was your eldest daughter literally given birth while your twins were having

[00:20:22] their graduation ceremony you couldn't have gone to see them graduate and then go to your eldest

[00:20:27] daughter's side as your eldest daughter have a significant other the babies father or best friend that was

[00:20:33] also with her while she labored kind of crappy if her not to realize it's as siblings graduation

[00:20:38] and assists that you attend you could have stayed in contact over the phone one of you could have

[00:20:44] stayed in face time this ceremony you could have asked someone to live stream the graduation

[00:20:49] just not go at all if there was a way you could have I'll also make sure your eldest was not

[00:20:55] all alone would definitely make you the asshole in my eyes it's too but I get why she not

[00:21:00] maybe thinking of clearest

[00:21:01] Squiddo says that you're the asshole even though it was unintentional you basically just showed

[00:21:07] your twins that your elder daughter is more important to you than they are

[00:21:12] this was a once in a lifetime event for them both and you chose to be elsewhere they

[00:21:17] but takes a long time usually you could have told your older daughter that the family would be

[00:21:22] thereafter the graduation or one of you if yourself for your husband could have gone to the hospital

[00:21:27] while the other went to the graduation instead your twins were likely some of the only people

[00:21:32] had no one there supporting them during this important occasion it's going to take a long

[00:21:37] time before we will even come close to making this up to them so the majority of the comments

[00:21:42] on this one were all saying you know why didn't one go to one event one the other etc it was

[00:21:47] the logical solution they said that they were panicked in that moment and just went to one but

[00:21:53] then they came up with the update and says first of all thank you to everyone who read and responded

[00:21:58] to my original post it blew up far more than I expected and I appreciate all the honest feedback

[00:22:04] want to start by saying that my husband and I love all our children equally

[00:22:08] and never intended to hurt our twins thus side of how important the twins graduation was

[00:22:14] we made a rash decision and it was a terrible mistake who address a common question from the comments

[00:22:20] reason we're in such a hurry to get to our daughter's labour is that when I was pregnant with

[00:22:25] the twins at a miscarriage scare the fear and anxiety from that experience still haunt me

[00:22:32] and when our older daughter went into labour those emotions came rushing back we were terrified

[00:22:37] something might go wrong and we felt an overwhelming need to be with her after reading the

[00:22:42] comments on my original post I showed my husband what I had written and the responses we received

[00:22:48] he was deeply affected by the feedback and agreed that we needed to apologize sincerely we decided

[00:22:55] to have a family meeting it was one of the hardest conversations we've ever had but it was necessary

[00:23:01] we apologize to our twins expressing our deep regret for missing their graduation

[00:23:05] for the pain we caused them my husband with tears in his eyes admitted that we made the wrong choice

[00:23:12] and asked for their forgiveness I followed echoing his sentiments and apologizing for not being

[00:23:17] there for them during such an important milestone between what understandably still upset but

[00:23:23] they listened our sons bow cup saying that while it will take time to heal you appreciated our

[00:23:29] apology I thought I expressed how much it hurt to feel like they were second place but said

[00:23:34] they were willing to work towards rebuilding our relationship they both ultimately accepted our apologies

[00:23:40] we are planning a special celebration just for them inviting their friends and other family members

[00:23:45] who supported them wasn't a replacement for the graduation we missed it was a step towards showing

[00:23:51] them how much we care six experiences taught us a valuable lesson about priorities and communication

[00:23:58] we're deeply sorry for the pain we've caused and we hope that with time and effort our family

[00:24:03] can heal and grow stronger from this I'm sorry hurting my two precious babies thank you Reddit

[00:24:09] being brutally honest and I think it feels weird to say this but I think that's the best possible

[00:24:16] situation that can come from this I mean there's no way that they can make up what happened they can't

[00:24:22] redo that day or they can do is sincerely apologise and try to move on from this there was

[00:24:28] still people talking about you know there's possible golden child then going on here and this

[00:24:34] is the first time the parents have actually been made aware of it but I think in this situation

[00:24:40] understanding that your children are going to be upset and listening to them apologising to them

[00:24:46] and knowing that it's going to take time to heal what's happened is the only way forward

[00:24:53] but now what do you guys make of this situation do you think it was a golden child thing

[00:24:59] there was a mix of comments but it's no your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:25:05] and just a huge thank you for being here today for getting involved in the stories showing

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