Husbands Ex-Wife Is FURIOUS My Step Daughter Wants To Call Me "Mom" r/Relationships

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[00:01:03] My 34th female married the man of my dreams last month, 44 male, and he has a 16-year-old daughter from his prior marriage.

[00:01:10] I've been in her life and she's been in mine for 4 years, and I've done my best to be there for her as a friend and trustworthy adult, and she's a really, really great kid.

[00:01:21] I felt closer to her than I did any of my sisters, and I could see she looked up to me and trusted me.

[00:01:27] One more important thing, she's on the autism spectrum. I swear that's relevant.

[00:01:32] My husband and I went on our honeymoon for two weeks, and then we came back on Friday, and my stepdaughter came up to me and asked if we could talk.

[00:01:40] She told me that no one has ever been considerate as I was learning how to make foods in the exact way she liked them or as patient with her poor emotional regulation.

[00:01:50] Her words, I think she's doing great.

[00:01:52] And she told me overall I was her favorite person in life, so she asked if it was okay to call me mom.

[00:01:59] This really, really caught me off guard and I stopped for a moment to process it.

[00:02:04] And she got embarrassed and told me she was sorry and it was stupid, but I told her it wasn't stupid because I would love that.

[00:02:11] She got super excited and hugged me, and it was lovely.

[00:02:15] I was telling my husband about it later and it suddenly sunk in that I had become somebody's mom.

[00:02:21] I just stopped and I told him, I'm someone's mom, and he asked me if I felt like I was in the delivery room lol.

[00:02:28] I laughed at that, but I got so emotionally overwhelmed I started crying.

[00:02:32] This morning she came downstairs and said hey mom to me.

[00:02:36] And it's gonna take some getting used to, but holy shit, it was a great feeling.

[00:02:40] I still don't believe I've earned the titles, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to try my damn best.

[00:02:46] So it seems last month I got a husband and a daughter too.

[00:02:50] Pretty good deal if you ask me.

[00:02:52] And this part is just incredibly sweet isn't it.

[00:02:55] I mean we know from the title it's going to go downhill at some point, but you clearly hold a very special place in her heart.

[00:03:02] The way that she says that you make food in a certain way for her, you're patient with her, you just get her.

[00:03:09] And she has that trust in you to be able to help her with whatever she needs and what a mom does.

[00:03:15] OP comes in with her next update and says

[00:03:45] She seems like a nice girl from the times I've interacted with her, but her mom seems passive aggressive and unkind.

[00:04:01] We all got to the restaurant and sat down and it was pretty nice and civil.

[00:04:05] I was sitting next to my step daughter and she was a little overwhelmed because she hadn't been to a restaurant before and didn't know what to order.

[00:04:14] So we were looking at the menu and I pointed out a type of pasta that looked similar to something we make at home that she likes.

[00:04:20] She said thanks mom.

[00:04:22] I guess she said it loud enough that her biological mom heard because she literally stopped everything and asked what did you just say?

[00:04:30] My husband and I tried to defuse the situation but she was very agitated by it and actually asked why she did it.

[00:04:38] Their older daughter stepped in and asked if she could tell her mom about a new job.

[00:04:42] And that got her to move on finally.

[00:04:44] My step daughter didn't say much for the rest of the evening but on the way home she tried to apologize for ruining the evening.

[00:04:52] Which we told her she didn't.

[00:04:54] Then if this wasn't bad enough both she and my husband received a 4 paragraph long message talking about how disrespectful, egregious it was that she called another woman mom.

[00:05:06] And how she was very disturbed by it.

[00:05:08] My husband is just in disbelief and feels horrible for our daughter.

[00:05:12] He went to talk to her and she didn't say much but she clearly thinks this is all her fault.

[00:05:17] If anything it's my fault for not discussing how she should refer to me at the dinner with my husband and then discussing it with her beforehand.

[00:05:25] I just fucking hate that this woman is upsetting her so much and I see why my husband divorced her.

[00:05:31] Thank you for reading.

[00:05:34] And in the comments Adventurous Travel says that poor girl.

[00:05:37] If her mom acted like a mom then it wouldn't have happened.

[00:05:40] Her actions or lack of consequences.

[00:05:43] I'm not sure if she has a therapist but it might help explain things in a way she gets and from a professional.

[00:05:49] The biggest thing I would be worried about now is if her mom keeps sending things to her or making her feel guilty about more things.

[00:05:56] Hopi says she does have a therapist who she meets with weekly.

[00:06:00] I'm sure my husband's ex-wife is going to come up tomorrow.

[00:06:03] Edit remove the unkind word I called his ex-wife.

[00:06:06] No need to sync to her level.

[00:06:09] Square Owl says my autistic son called my best friend mom also.

[00:06:14] It really annoys me how people get bent out of shape over this.

[00:06:17] Instead of feeling blessed for their child that people love them.

[00:06:20] The more love and support kids have in their life the better.

[00:06:24] Remarkable says info does the ex spend time with her autistic daughter at all?

[00:06:29] If not I'm not sure why she'd be surprised.

[00:06:32] Hopi says she sees her on holidays and family gatherings that's really it.

[00:06:36] Apparently her mother is entitled to that respect just for existing.

[00:06:40] And one more comment from Accomplished Emu who says you're allowed to be touched by her calling you mom.

[00:06:45] And your husband's ex is allowed to be upset.

[00:06:48] But she's not allowed to upset the daughter she gave up for feeling like you are her mom.

[00:06:52] Please make sure she's reassured as much as possible that she is not at fault in any way.

[00:06:58] So Hopi comes in with another update and says last week I made a post about how my husband

[00:07:03] and my autistic 16 year old step daughter went to dinner with his ex-wife

[00:07:07] and their oldest daughter 26 to celebrate her getting a job she's been chasing her whole adult life.

[00:07:13] Then my step daughter called me mom.

[00:07:15] At one point ex-wife got pissed and stopped the whole table to make a point.

[00:07:19] And the rest of the evening wasn't great.

[00:07:21] And then when we got home both my husband and step daughter got a big text message from her

[00:07:25] talking about how disrespectful that was.

[00:07:28] So the day after the incident my step daughter came over to me

[00:07:31] and told me her older sister texted her and asked if she could read the text out loud.

[00:07:36] I just nodded and said definitely.

[00:07:38] But on the inside my eyes rolled to the back of my head like Jesus Christ here we go.

[00:07:43] However, the sister sent her a very very lovely and thoughtful message saying

[00:07:48] she felt bad about what happened the night before and was sorry the two of them haven't been talking much lately

[00:07:54] and asked if she wanted to try to be sisters again.

[00:07:56] Then she said she asked what movies she's seen lately and movies is a special interest so that meant a lot she asked.

[00:08:03] Not gonna lie I was caught off guard by her sincerity and kindness.

[00:08:07] It was very very sweet.

[00:08:09] Then later that day I got a text message from her older sister

[00:08:12] whom I'm assuming got my number from younger step daughter

[00:08:16] and said she wanted to get to know me better since I am legally her step mum now

[00:08:20] and I'm the woman her baby sister is calling mum.

[00:08:24] So she definitely wanted to try to know each other.

[00:08:26] She also mentioned that she didn't get to celebrate her sister's 16th birthday with her

[00:08:31] and felt that was a really big deal and asked if the three of us could get dinner and see a movie.

[00:08:36] Tonight the three of us went out and saw a movie and got dinner by ourselves.

[00:08:40] My younger step daughter picked the movie and she loved it but my older step daughter and I didn't get it.

[00:08:45] But all that matters is that she liked it.

[00:08:48] Then we sat down and had dinner together and had a very very nice time.

[00:08:52] Then on the way out my younger step daughter asked if she could run into the store next to the restaurant to buy something really quick.

[00:08:58] In and out.

[00:08:59] So we said alright.

[00:09:01] While she was in the store my older step daughter told me she wanted me to know she misjudged me.

[00:09:06] Watching the two of us interact both at dinner the other night and tonight.

[00:09:10] Me going through the menu with her to find something she'd liked.

[00:09:13] Me advocating for her when their mother got upset and how she clearly feels comfortable talking around her.

[00:09:18] And that she completely understands why I'm now mum to her.

[00:09:22] All in all a pretty great night.

[00:09:24] After I got home I saw she sent me a text related something we talked about.

[00:09:28] So looks like we're going to be talking now.

[00:09:31] Still got some stuff to work out with her biological mum but we'll take this as a victory.

[00:09:35] Anyway yeah.

[00:09:37] I just figured I'd share something positive since there's a lot of negativity on Reddit and with my current situation.

[00:09:42] So I figured I'd share a positive update.

[00:09:47] Aww that is a lovely post.

[00:09:49] I'm glad it didn't go the way I thought it was going to go in the end.

[00:09:53] Them step daughters both sound like absolutely lovely people.

[00:09:58] And I hope that relationship with the other step daughter builds up over time as well.

[00:10:04] A little part of me felt like she was reaching out because she's seen how supportive you are to her.

[00:10:08] Maybe you could offer the same for that daughter at the same time.

[00:10:11] It might not be the case.

[00:10:13] Just a little part of me thought maybe she's looking for that as well.

[00:10:16] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:10:19] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:10:22] Can you see anything further happening down the road?

[00:10:25] Or do you think it'll all be good?

[00:10:27] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

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[00:11:38] And our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit from oddtry3520 who says

[00:11:43] Am I the Arsehole Here for not letting my neighbors use my yard?

[00:11:47] Neighbors, neighbors, neighbors. Yay!

[00:11:51] I, female 26, recently bought a house with my husband.

[00:11:55] Our house is a beachfront house with an amazing yard.

[00:11:59] The backyard is designed to basically look like a hidden oasis.

[00:12:03] It has a pool, hot tub, water fountains on the side and a small slide all surrounded by trees and other plants.

[00:12:10] The trees give us privacy from both houses next to us but still gives us a view of the beach.

[00:12:15] The backyard is why we bought the home and we already spent the majority of our time being back there.

[00:12:20] Even when my husband works.

[00:12:22] The entire backside of the house is mostly grass so it's also what we see when we're in the house.

[00:12:27] It is definitely the focal point of our home.

[00:12:30] Yesterday we started the construction on a new fence.

[00:12:34] This fence goes around the backyard with a gate only to the beach.

[00:12:37] So you either have to go through the house to go through the beach to get to our backyard.

[00:12:42] We didn't think anything of it before but I got a knock on my door this morning from someone who lives in the condos across the street from us.

[00:12:48] I've seen her a few times but we never really talked.

[00:12:51] She introduced herself and then asked what we were building in our yard.

[00:12:55] I just told her we wanted to put up a fence before tourists start coming.

[00:12:59] This was recommended to us by our realtor.

[00:13:01] Marie kinda looked shocked and asked if we were putting a gate on the front or anything.

[00:13:06] I said no and that we already had a landscaper come and look to get more plants put around it.

[00:13:11] She then asked me if I could put a gate on the front.

[00:13:14] I didn't really understand this so I asked her to clarify when she explained that the previous owners would let people from the condo walk through their yard to get to the beach

[00:13:23] because otherwise they'd have to walk 5 minutes down the street to get on the beach where there are a lot of tourists.

[00:13:29] Our street leads to a private beach so there isn't many people.

[00:13:33] She said that mostly everyone in the condo started doing this over the past few years.

[00:13:37] Especially people with kids or even just letting their kids go to the beach alone.

[00:13:42] She also said they would let people use their pool if they text and ask.

[00:13:46] I immediately told her no one would be in my yard unless I knew them.

[00:13:50] She obviously got upset by this and then said that basically everyone in the condos would be upset by this.

[00:13:56] I told her that I understand why they would want to use my yard and that it's just a pass through but I hate the idea of being in my backyard and having random people walk through.

[00:14:05] She started getting mad at me for it and saying that I'm ruining a lot of people's way of life by blocking off this path.

[00:14:11] She claimed that a lot of people let their kids during the summer go to the beach through this way and a lot of kids can't walk to the popular spots.

[00:14:19] The beach is kinda quiet where we are.

[00:14:21] I did get annoyed and told her that I don't really care and I will not let people in my yard.

[00:14:27] She tried bringing up the pool but I just told her that I wasn't going to talk about it anymore.

[00:14:32] This was yesterday afternoon and I've already seen people standing outside the condos and pointing to my house.

[00:14:38] I even had someone run over to talk to me and ask if I was really gating off the beach path.

[00:14:45] I've talked to both my neighbours who agree with me but my friend and sister are both saying I'm in the wrong.

[00:14:50] So am I the asshole?

[00:14:53] Bloody previous owners, they've always got a lot to answer for in these stories and it's like always the pool isn't it?

[00:14:59] Previous owners let's use the pool so why can't we still do that?

[00:15:02] It's like well because they don't own it anymore.

[00:15:04] You bloody berk.

[00:15:07] And we're not talking like they have no access to the beach at all.

[00:15:10] It's 5 minute walk.

[00:15:14] I don't blame Opie at all for this situation.

[00:15:17] I wouldn't want to be in my backyard just chilling, relaxing, doing a bit of BBQ and then have Jeff from the street come wandering through.

[00:15:25] That's a big hell no from me but SlightlySane says

[00:15:29] Put up cameras all around the fence and yard because condo owners are going to not respect your fence or worse damage property fencing.

[00:15:36] Try to climb the fence especially since condo people consider you have stolen something from them.

[00:15:41] I'd also talk to an attorney about options if condo people retaliate.

[00:15:45] High resolution cameras with recording.

[00:15:48] It really wasn't very nice of previous owners to warn you that this would be a problem.

[00:15:52] Ferrell says this screams massive liability and lawsuits if you do not fence it off.

[00:15:57] If anyone gets injured on your property or if a child was to get into the pool and something happened or they drown, you would be liable.

[00:16:04] Their entitlement is not your responsibility or liability.

[00:16:08] Tell them that your insurance forbids them cutting through your yard or borrowing your pool.

[00:16:13] The audacity!

[00:16:16] MrsWaterBuffalo says Oh my god no install a locked gate.

[00:16:20] Send a lawyer letter to the condo board of directors stating under no circumstances is your private property to be an access point in any circumstances.

[00:16:29] It's for everyone's safety and insurance.

[00:16:32] They will be trespassed.

[00:16:33] I would not want anyone to sue.

[00:16:35] What if someone is hurt on your property or drowned in your hot tub?

[00:16:38] What if a child was lost?

[00:16:39] Someone attacked?

[00:16:40] The scenarios are alarming.

[00:16:42] Protect yourself and a 5 minute walk is not the end of the world.

[00:16:46] It's not your responsibility to ensure access for the public.

[00:16:49] Confirm this is your personal legal access.

[00:16:52] It's irresponsible.

[00:16:53] What would your insurance company say?

[00:16:56] There was just loads of comments talking about the pool and insurance and the potential for accidents to happen especially with children wandering through with pools.

[00:17:05] But OP does update their post and says

[00:17:08] I just wanted to start by thanking everyone for their suggestions.

[00:17:11] I did want to cover a few things.

[00:17:13] I do have a fence around my pool area.

[00:17:15] This is just to protect my yard.

[00:17:17] Secondly, we have indoor and outdoor cameras all around our house.

[00:17:21] Some are visible and some are hidden.

[00:17:23] We do already have a sign up that says we are recording.

[00:17:26] The fence will also be finished by tomorrow afternoon so it shouldn't be too long for us to have it up.

[00:17:31] I also have called our local police and they said they did not have a right to use private property to access the beach so everything is clear for me to move forward.

[00:17:39] The previous owners had the house for 10 years and only let people use it for the past 3 years so it's not long enough for any legal action to force me to give up my yard.

[00:17:48] Per our lawyer.

[00:17:50] I called my realtor this morning and the owners called me after she talked to them and said a lot about the situation.

[00:17:56] They told me that they only use the house as a vacation home and so they did let people cross during the summer but when they were there they put up a sign telling people to not use the path.

[00:18:06] They said that they didn't let people do it at first but when they went home people did it anyway.

[00:18:11] They also allowed certain people to use their pool only when they were in it themselves.

[00:18:15] It was never a free for all pool and they even put the cover on it before leaving.

[00:18:19] The previous owners did also say that it was smart to put up a fence and recommended calling the condo manager.

[00:18:25] When I did call the condo manager they asked if we could find a middle ground because they know that a lot of residents use my yard and kinda made it sound like they told residents they could use this path.

[00:18:36] My neighbor thinks that they used it as a selling point because there were times where they would point towards our house, specifically while people were looking at condos.

[00:18:45] Either way, my husband is having our lawyer send the condo a letter stating that no residents are allowed in our yard for any reason so that we have legal writing with them.

[00:18:54] So basically people have used our yard in the past but my husband and I aren't allowing it.

[00:19:00] I get them using it if we had it as a vacation home but we are living in it year round so.

[00:19:05] A lot of my neighbors who also live in the houses have messaged me and said that they're really happy I'm cutting off the path so I feel like it's the right move.

[00:19:13] I've already put up no trespassing and no beach access signs and had permanent ones for the front of our yard and on the fences.

[00:19:20] I'm also putting up a privacy fence in the front and adding trees right in front of it so it's harder for people to jump it.

[00:19:26] We are also connecting our gate right to our neighbors so that there isn't a spot on the side that they can try and squeeze through.

[00:19:33] Either way, I'm going to cut off the path and I don't care if they hate me for it.

[00:19:37] Thank you to everyone for your suggestions.

[00:19:40] Ooh wee, I wonder if the condo people did say to them like you know if you move here then you know you've got your own little private access to the beach.

[00:19:49] I wonder if they did use it as a selling point and I wonder if they can get in trouble from people who rent from them.

[00:19:54] And I just want to read one comment because like I'm childish.

[00:19:58] You know I'm childish by now if you've been here long enough but Metal Sandwiches says tell the condo manager that they can find the middle ground up their ass hole.

[00:20:08] Oh I love it when people are sassy like that.

[00:20:12] And I do love me a bit of neighbor drama so if you have your own little neighbor drama, no potential updates with it as well.

[00:20:21] You know you can tell the story and then you know add the updates of what happened afterwards in your own little format.

[00:20:26] Don't forget on the subreddit r slash mark narrations would love to hear it.

[00:20:31] And just a huge thank you for joining me today for getting involved in the stories your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:20:39] So thank you so so much for being involved truly I'm like I say every single time and you know you must get sick of hearing it but I am absolutely blown away by your support daily.

[00:20:49] So thank you and hopefully I will see you in the next one.

[00:20:52] Take care and much love.

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