Husbands Behaviour Suddenly Flipped And Left Me Whilst Pregnant | r/Relationships

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Dig Grasanova from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit and says, am I the arsehole here for moving back home after my parents left me even though I'm pregnant.

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] It starts, I've been getting cruel messages from my ex, his family and our friends for the past few days. My soon to be ex-husband Levi, 33 male and I, 28 female, have been together for a decade, married for five years. I'm currently pregnant with our first baby in June next month. After I graduated, I moved back to his hometown, a major city on the West Coast with him. I'm from a bigger city in the Midwest but loved living out there.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_00] I thought we were happy. We planned our baby and were so excited. But a few weeks ago, he told me he was going to file for divorce. He said he didn't want to be tied down anymore. He was still young and needed to live his life, etc. He said there was nobody else, but I know since then he's been seeing someone. He wanted me to move out, but this is my house too. I put down the down payment even, so he's been staying with his friend, Louis.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00] I can't afford to live here on my own while maintaining my lifestyle. Sure, I could make it work, but it wouldn't be the kind of lifestyle I'd want to live, especially with a baby. Make really good money even, but it's so expensive. I have friends for sure, but not the support system he does. No family here, so I've decided to move back home. And luckily, my company has a location in my hometown, so I was able to keep my job.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00] My parents have been so supportive. They're divorced and hate one another, but are now combined in their hatred of Levi, which is interesting to see. They've secured me a nice rental home in my city and refused to let me pay them back, saying I need to save to buy my next house. They're paying for my divorce lawyer and my co-pays at my new doctor here. They're paying and said I'm doing the right thing for my baby and are happy to help.

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_00] My mom is about to retire and even wants to watch my baby while I work after my maternity leave, so it's been an ideal situation for me. Levi is furious. He's claiming that I moved to get back at him and am going to try and keep him out of our baby's life. I explained very clearly that I couldn't afford to be a single mom in San Diego, but he doesn't believe me. He's told everyone I moved back to get the upper hand on custody. That's not why I moved, but it's definitely a plus.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00] His job doesn't have any locations here, and they won't keep him if he moves. He could get another job here, of course, but he says that's too much to ask of him. I told him I'd be going for child support once this baby is born, and he told me I needed to make up my mind. Could he be a dad or no? I told him he was going to be a dad regardless, and if he doesn't want to move here, then he would be a dad paying child support. I don't think I'm the asshole. I think I'm doing what I have to do, but I don't know.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00] What am I supposed to say to all these people texting and calling me, telling me I'm keeping Levi's baby from him? So, Levi wanted to completely change things, blow up your life, abandon you whilst pregnant, and then stay comfortable in his little hometown with all his support around him. But somehow, you're the bad guy. You said it all yourself. Being in San Diego by yourself, whilst you can do it, isn't really comfortable for you or your baby. So, you've gone to somewhere where you're getting so much support, which sounds absolutely lovely from your parents.

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00] You're getting childcare, legal support as well. If I was in your situation, I'd be doing the exact same thing, and it's wonderful to hear that you're getting some kind of support out of this shitty situation. And you're simply being a parent. You're building something that's stable for your baby. Narnia Mouse says you're moving somewhere because you need financial support isn't an am I the asshole here situation. Quoting, but I don't know what I'm supposed to say to all these people texting and calling me, and then says,

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00] You said you have a divorce lawyer. Talk to them about whether you're doing anything illegal slash divorce compromising when it comes to the child, and stop responding to everyone calling and texting until you get the answer. Opie replies saying I'm not. He can't force me to stay anywhere, and I'm the pregnant one, so yeah, the baby goes where I go. It is what it is, and he can't stop me from leaving the state. Investment says, I hope you have sold the house and got your down payment back.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says working on it, but it's hard being out of state, and he's not cooperating. F Mobile, the top commenter, says first off, congratulations on your baby. Second, don't respond to those stupid texts. You can block those numbers. If he sends any hateful texts, especially now with a baby, you can save those and use it in court if he ever tries to go after you. What you need is a peaceful time before delivery and stress-free postpartum lifestyle, and go for child support.

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_00] He's the one who wanted to leave for a free lifestyle. Now, he's got it. Opie says, oh, I'm going for full child support, don't worry. It would be one thing if this was a one-night stand thing, but we planned our baby, and he's not getting out of supporting it. On the block people sending you messages, Opie says, I've blocked some of them, but it doesn't mean that I've forgotten what they said and was just wondering if they were right.

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_00] Commodore says, I wonder if they even know about his side piece, so they know he left you for someone else during your pregnancy. If not, I might be tempted to unblock them long enough to inform them of that little tidbit, and then block them again. Opie says, they know we planned on getting pregnant, and it even took us a few months, and that he has a new girlfriend, so I guess they do. I guess they don't care. On the last names, Opie says, yeah, I'm going back to my maiden name, and will be giving my baby my maiden name.

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says, what do his family and friends think of him leaving his pregnant wife to be free? Opie says that he deserves to be happy. I thought we were happy, but here we are. In response to a downvoted comment, Opie says, sure, it would be illegal if the baby was born, and if I was a goat, I would have hooves. But it has not, and I'm not, so none of that matters. And I have no interest in helping my ex out.

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00] Going forward, I'm only doing things for myself and my baby. I have no intention of allowing him to sign away his rights or get out of child support. If he wants to live a free lifestyle with a new woman, I won't stop him. But he will have to calculate the child support he'll owe into his budget. I didn't make the choices that led to all of this. I'm only responding to them with ways that will benefit me the most. Glad I could clear things up for you. And people were given some legal opinions, so Opie said, again, I have a lawyer.

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_00] I don't need legal advice. My legal team has absolutely zero concerns about him getting custody, even though he did file in Cali. And seeing how he hasn't even got a lawyer because he's convinced that I'll work with him amicably makes me even less stressed. I need to focus on myself and my baby. The legal side is taken care of. Someone asked Opie, did you see it coming? Opie said, no. It was out of nowhere. I haven't had time to grieve the life I've lost because I need to take care of business.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00] I'm sure it'll bubble up at some point. It doesn't matter that he's asked to get back with me. It was after I knew he'd gotten a new girlfriend. He'd already left. There's not a chance he's coming back from that. So Opie does come in with an update six days later and says, so first off, I thought I was clear in my first post, but the amount of helpful comments who skipped over the following info was driving me insane. I've already moved back to the Midwest and I already have a lawyer.

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00] So no need to tell me to move before my baby is born or yell at me to get a lawyer. I have done both. A few weeks after moving out, he had filed for divorce in California. Since I was moving and obtaining a lawyer, I had not yet responded. I have an OBGYN here, OBGYN, here in my hometown and I'm set up to give birth here. I have legal advice from a professional. My ex Levi came to my place like the day after my post.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00] I hadn't been responding to him or his friends slash family and I'd just muted their numbers. I got home and he was talking to my new neighbor who I haven't met yet. I wanted him to stop, so I let him come inside to talk, but also text to my parents what was going on. Basically, he said everything had been a mistake. He didn't think everything through enough and that he had withdrawn his divorce petition. He said he was fine living in my hometown. He didn't need to find a job, but could work on selling the house back west in the meantime

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_00] and work remote until he found a new job. Kind of acting like everything was fine. Very strange though. Not like he was on drugs. I've seen him on drugs lol. It's been years, but it wasn't that. I don't know. By the time my dad got there, I was very upset and not thinking clearly. His wife drove me to their house and stayed there with Levi for a bit and got him to leave. And he's been at my mom's and won't leave town. I don't want to get into it.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00] My lawyer was able to confirm he sort of withdrew the petition, but it was either incomplete or incorrect. His behavior has been odd, yes, and I told him I'm not talking to him unless he gets evaluated. I don't know if my mom wore him down or what, but he agreed and has been at the hospital all day. My mom's boyfriend has been through a lot of this with his own son. He was able to get him into a good hospital and I hope we know something soon. To be honest, I'm exhausted and overwhelmed.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_00] I feel bad saying this, but I don't want to be dealing with this right now. I have so much going on and had already kind of divorced him and started my life as a single mom in my head. I'm not saying I'm going to stay with him, even if this is a health thing. He's crossed so many boundaries and hurt me so bad in just two months. But I did make a vow that I take seriously. And before all this, if I told you he had done any of this, you'd think I was insane. So, I'm not really sure where I'm posting an update.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_00] I'm not religious, but I grew up Catholic and maybe someone who reads this can pray for us, I guess. They'd have more direct line to the big guy than me right now. I'm not sure what I'd pray for. If he's fine, then he's just an arsehole and I'm fine divorcing him. But if it's something more, I'm so overwhelmed at the thought of taking care of both of him and a newborn. But it would mean he hasn't been deceiving me all these years. Sorry, it's not the best update. Edits, I've gotten a few comments and also want to say this. I have his phone.

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_00] I now know for a fact the woman he was seeing was not the woman I thought. He didn't meet that woman until after he filed for divorce. And that she still wants to be with him. I'm not saying this changes anything, but people kept bringing her up. Device Motor says to the OP, his girlfriend, who he's cheating on you with, dumped him when she found out about you and slash all the baby. Of course, he had passed a medical assessment because there's no test for douchiness. OP says, I don't want to get too into it.

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_00] I know this isn't the case and I have his phone though. We'll see how everything goes. He was voluntarily admitted earlier, but they haven't told me anything yet. Medium Size Maze says, are his friends and family still contacting you? I'm sorry, but I don't think I could forgive him for deciding he wanted to be free. And I definitely could not forgive him for getting everyone to harass you. Are you sure he wasn't seeing someone else? There's just so much that doesn't make sense. What made him want a divorce and now what's made him change his mind?

[00:11:37] [SPEAKER_00] OP says yes, but I don't respond to them. I let his parents know what was going on and they're flying out tomorrow. He was seeing someone. I knew that though. I have his phone now. I know he didn't meet her until after he filed for divorce and she still wants to be with him. None of it makes much sense. On how OP got his phone and whether he has a second, OP says, they gave it to me after he was admitted. I don't know if he has another phone, I guess, but everything seems to be on here.

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_00] Next says, however everything goes and whatever you decide. I want to wish you the best for you and your baby. You made all the right moves considering the circumstances. At this point, it's all about you and the baby staying safe and healthy. OP says thank you. I agree. I know everyone is mad I still care about him. But it's about my baby and honestly, I think the best thing for baby is having a healthy dad. Even if he's an asshole. If something is wrong, I might still leave him.

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_00] But I'd be supportive of him getting better and so would my family. I don't even know what I want to happen. And OP says I don't actually want him back. I think that's where people are confused. I don't want to be with him. What I said about making a vow was that we included in sickness and in health. And I almost feel guilty because I don't want him even if he's sick. I just feel like there's something wrong with me. OP had to mini update within the same post and say unfortunately it's not looking good.

[00:12:59] [SPEAKER_00] I wish he was just all of a sudden an asshole who consulted an attorney. It would be better than what we're likely dealing with now. So it was two months later that OP did come back in with an update and says I haven't updated in a while. Been a little busy. I have a daughter. She is perfect in every way. And the cutest, sweetest, easiest and snuggliest baby that's ever lived. She's a little over four weeks now. And I can't believe she's my baby and that I'm her mum.

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_00] Sometimes I just stare at her sleeping because she makes me so happy. I feel bad but I was so happy that she was a girl. I know you're not supposed to want one or the other and I didn't want to find out beforehand because I didn't want to be disappointed. I have a few more months of maternity leave and this sounds bad though but I could never be a stay at home mum. I don't know if she's just easy and my recovery has been easy. I'm kind of bored a lot. Lol. Lol. My mum is going to retire soon and watch her and she keeps acting like I'm jealous when

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_00] it's like, no, that's fine lol. I need to be around adults. But going back, I know Levi had only agreed to go to the hospital in the first place to prove to me nothing was wrong. But there was. Like I said. I mean, we were young once and I know what he's like drunk or on drugs and he was just different in almost a scary way when he showed up at my house. I could tell something was off from his eyes alone. So yeah. After he went to the ER, they called a few hours later and told us they were admitting

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_00] him to the psychiatric wing for mania and psychosis. He was kept there for almost two weeks and diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The hospital kept him for so long to stabilize him and because they were worried he'd hurt himself if he left too soon. Right now he is on medications and in an outpatient program. His parents flew out and his mum admitted that her biological dad, apparently only ever met her stepdad but she calls him dad, had been bipolar.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_00] I thought Levi and her other son were too old to get it at this point. It was so frustrating because we had even talked to them about hereditary diseases when we decided to start trying for a baby and she didn't mention anything. Like I now know she has trauma from all of that but it was a horrible thing to come out when I was about to give birth. Levi is on leave of absence from his job right now and is staying in his mum's pool house but he has found a place that he's moving into after the first of the year.

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_00] It's a two bedroom condo in a safe area. But he admitted he didn't have anything in her room yet. His doctor told him to hold off because an empty daughter's room would be bad for his mental health and even Levi has admitted she won't be spending the night there for a while but sometimes he'll make comments about getting certain things for her room for one day. His old job was really stressful and his company has a position for him when he's ready to go back that can be remote and is much less stressful but obviously much lower pay.

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_00] That's fine. His parents are helping and he has money from a trust fund but his family is kind of old money and really focused on appearances. I think they want him to stay there and I feel like he knows it and it makes him sad. It's hard to explain. They did deal with selling our house and got us a really good offer so I'm thankful for that. They always have a huge thing for holidays, a Christmas party for families and a New Year's Eve party on the beach for all of us. They want my daughter and me to go out but I've been blunt and told Levi to stay here.

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_00] I guess it'd be one thing if them not wanting him around was because of what he did to me but I know that's not why and my daughter is too little to fly for something so unnecessary. After everything Levi did apologize to me and has asked his friends and family to as well. He called and explained what happened to them. I wasn't there for the calls and didn't tell him to do them. I was kind of annoyed about it since I had other things going on at the time.

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_00] Most have apologized but a few think there's nothing wrong with him and that I'm overreacting. He's cut those people off. He hasn't made any excuses. Just apologized. I knew the woman he'd been seeing was named let's say Katie and he had a co-worker named Katie who is our age and they are friendly. So I assumed it was her that he'd been seeing. I actually had found out a little bit after my first post that Katie was Louis' neighbor who was like almost 40 and has kids who live with their dads.

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_00] One of our old friends from San Diego told me. He was annoyed with Levi because he was acting like a lunatic and said he was starting to think I had a point. I don't know if that had anything to do with Levi coming out here. He's on a lot of medicine right now and while it's been better than the way he was he's not his normal self. He's tired a lot and not as funny or quick-witted as he used to be. I talk to his therapists and doctors often and he's not handling the diagnosis well according to them.

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_00] He doesn't really talk about that stuff to me but he's in a bad place about everything that's happened. He told me he'd answer anything I asked but I told him I don't want to do that right now. Like knowing there was an organic reason for his behavior might make it slightly better but it doesn't change the things he did. Ann said to me to make them go away. He kind of brought up where we were as a couple after he left the hospital and I made it clear we were still separated and I'll do what I can to help him because we were having a baby

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_00] but I'm not his partner or owe him anything. You will all get mad at me for this next part. I was planning on just delivering my daughter myself with everything going on but I kind of freaked out about a week out and asked my mom if she'd be in the room with me. Unfortunately, she didn't want to and my best friend had an important work trip that week so I didn't want to bug her. My mom said I should hire a doula or something but I don't know. I was kind of hoping she'd change her mind about being there and didn't look into one

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_00] and of course she didn't change her mind so at the last second I asked Levi. You might be surprised to hear that he was really supportive and calming and at one point stood up for me when I was pretty out of it and they were talking about doing something he knew I didn't want to do. It was the closest I've seen to the old him in months. So him being there made it more positive than it would have been without him which is all that mattered to me. I'm never doing that again though. It was the most painful experience of my life and I thought I was going to die

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_00] but you were all right. When he told me we had a daughter and I held her, it was worth it. She's going to be an only child, lol. I had them place an IUD and I'm planning on getting my tubes removed. He's here every day but we aren't together and he doesn't live at my house. My lawyer was able to fix the paperwork he'd submitted with drawing the divorce in California but we're still separated. He's offered to stay overnight but the thing is with his medicine he gets so tired so I want him to get sleep.

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_00] And if he's not at his program or sleeping he's here and I'm on maternity leave for a few months so I can handle the nights. I got flu or a cold something about a week ago and he did stay over those nights since I was so miserable so that was nice to have a backup. I kind of skirted around it when he was looking for a place like how long he'd be willing to stay here because I don't want him staying in the Midwest just because he thinks we'd get back together. He said he wants to stay with his daughter no matter what but it was sad because he kind of acknowledged

[00:20:14] [SPEAKER_00] that his family doesn't want him to move back. He also really likes his therapist on his team here. He said it in a joking way but apparently his sessions with him are the only times he's not constantly reminded that his shitty actions ruined his life. I didn't really want to comment on that but I'm glad he likes them. My dad was saying that he thought I'd be happy to see him down so bad but I'm not. I don't think it's funny or karma. It's a shitty situation all around. My dad and mom also tried joking about

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_00] me getting back into dating if that's even an option for like a billion years now. But either way I'm not interested in dating or meeting anyone new anyways. Don't get me wrong. I don't really think I want to get back together with Levi either. We just need to focus on our daughter and he needs to stay focused on getting better. But with everything I'm also in no hurry to move things along. If he wasn't being as helpful and kind as he has been I probably would move forward on divorce to be vindictive. But I don't want to fight now

[00:21:12] [SPEAKER_00] since we just have a lot of other things we should be focusing on and we're clear that we're not together. If he's doing better and nothing's changed by the time she's won I'll probably move forward with a divorce but it's not urgent for me. And as for her name I kept going back and forth but I did give her a last name because I'll probably keep it anyways. But her first name is my maiden name. I know she might change both one day but it's a really good gender neutral first name and it's my middle name now anyways.

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_00] So I guess that's where we're at. I doubt I'll update again. Hopefully there isn't much to update on. After this, least instruction says to OP I remember your story and you're a very good person OP. You've handled everything with grace and you're being such a good friend to Levi which is more than he deserves from you. You have a good head on your shoulders and you should be proud of yourself. Just remember to take care of you and it's okay to take a step back from him if it gets too much or if you're ready to move on.

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_00] Congratulations on your little one. OP says yes. I know that if I get overwhelmed he is the lowest on my priority list. For now everything is okay but I know things can change and I'm not going to beat myself up over anything regarding him. Nobody knows the right thing to do when this kind of thing happens so I'm just taking the punches as they come. Rare Explorer says you're valid to have any and all feelings you have towards him about this situation. Take your time with yourself and your feelings.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00] It's hard to feel like the person we knew is still there and wanting that person for support even though there has been fundamental changes to their mental state. Hope you are able to heal from both the physical and mental changes you have experienced. OP replies saying that's exactly what it is. I really did hate him for a lot of my pregnancy. Now it's more pity than anything and I can tell he really loves our daughter and sometimes it's like the old him. I'm not the most forgiving person

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_00] and have a baby to focus on. It's just hard. OP replies one more time saying thank you. I've basically said that he's forgiven in the sense before people attack me that I don't hate him like I did before. I knew that this is not entirely his fault. When we talked which was the only time since his diagnosis that he's brought up us reconciling. I said I was never going to keep his daughter from him even when I hated him but I had no interest before in helping

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_00] and encouraging the relationship. It was all on him to be present and an active dad. Maybe I'm not explaining it well but basically me forgiving him was me saying we'll actively make sure you're getting the help you need to be in our daughter's life. The condition is that he has to continue seeing his team and taking his medication. If he were to ever stop seeing his therapist or stop taking his meds without telling me or his doctors that would be the end of any help from me. There are no conditions to us being together because that's not

[00:24:06] [SPEAKER_00] on my mind now and we are not together. But even though he's not himself he's much closer to the man I fell in love with even on the meds than he was when he was a maniac. When he was manic. Maybe I'm tired and not explaining it well. I did say in sickness and health but that's just to support him not be romantic with him. I know I'm not making any sense but it makes a lot of sense to me. And many people just pointing out how incredibly sad this story is.

[00:24:36] [SPEAKER_00] Whilst cannibalistic Apple was highlighting the parents in this thing I just want to emphasize how awful Levi's parents are and how much worse they have made this by abandoning their son. From Levi's perspective his entire life is nearly ruined. He went from being married with a child on the way to single with a life-changing diagnosis and living in a totally new state through minimal fault of his own. He's at the absolute lowest point due to a diagnosis he didn't even know was a possibility despite explicitly asking his mother

[00:25:06] [SPEAKER_00] about potential hereditary diseases and they just drop him because it's bad for their image. The fact they invited Opie and their grandchild but not their son just really highlights that. I'd expect completely admitting their son from social circles that have known him for years while still inviting his ex and grandchild would be scandalous but they think that is less scandalous than offering any sort of public support for his mental crisis. Like I cannot overstate how horrifyingly selfish and cruel they are and that is absolutely screwing with Levi's head

[00:25:36] [SPEAKER_00] on top of everything else. It is so so good he's in a good therapy program because that sort of trauma will take years to unpack. That level of betrayal can absolutely shatter someone. I hope he can recover as much as possible for their daughter's sake. Moving away may have been the best move for all of them regardless of whether they got back together or not. Just because that means they and their daughter will be far from that toxicity. I couldn't help but feel that way about what was going on

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_00] in that situation at all but it's just absolutely brutal isn't it? Like for him imagine waking up realizing that you blew up your marriage abandoned your pregnant wife and turned everyone against her all while believing that you were making the right choices and then discovering now now that this has all come out your own family doesn't want him around just because of appearances but it sounds like he's doing everything he can for himself right now and you know fair play to him and I hope he does

[00:26:35] [SPEAKER_00] stick to that path but I think OP's doing the right thing as well. She's protecting her peace prioritizing her daughter and not making permanent decisions and just seeing how things go for now. But what do you guys make of this situation? How did it make you feel? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here and hopefully I'm going to see you

[00:27:04] [SPEAKER_00] in the next one. Take care and much love. Take care