Husband Said He Wanted A Divorce Then Changed His Mind Hours Later r/Relationships

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[00:00:46] maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:53] Now, today's first story you may have heard in other places. I don't think we've ever

[00:00:57] covered it before. But you may have heard some of the parts in other places, but there

[00:01:00] is a new update to it as well. So if you have heard those other parts, please feel free to use

[00:01:04] the timestamps down in the description below. It's from a throwaway account from the Relationship

[00:01:09] Advice subreddit that says, my husband asked for a divorce, then changed his mind hours later.

[00:01:17] Background, we've been together for two years. Married for one. We're both in our early

[00:01:22] 20s. The night of the bullshit, we had an argument about the distribution of chores that

[00:01:28] I think triggered it. I thought it wasn't fair that I was doing the majority of the housework,

[00:01:33] on top of being a full-time student at university and having a job. He seemed to think the chore

[00:01:38] distribution was fair and that I was overreacting. We came to a solution after all the bullshit

[00:01:44] I'm about to tell you about occurred. But essentially I was feeling overwhelmed and unheard

[00:01:49] and he was feeling stressed and confused as to why I thought this was a problem.

[00:01:54] Late that night, we were discussing the situation again and I expressed how it feels like he's not

[00:01:59] listening to me and how distant he's been lately. And he says there's a reason for the distance and

[00:02:05] I asked him to tell me why. He says that he thinks we move too fast. He doesn't know who he is

[00:02:11] and he wants a divorce. He says he cares about me but doesn't love me and that he's been

[00:02:16] feeling this way for a while. Now I've promised myself since years ago that I would never try

[00:02:21] to make someone stay with me if they don't want to. So as much as this hurt, I said okay.

[00:02:26] I cried, he cried. I did ask if he wanted to try couple therapy before divorcing and he said no.

[00:02:33] But decided to sort out details in the morning. I grabbed some blankets to sleep on the couch

[00:02:37] and he went upstairs to bed. In the midst of my sitting on the couch crying and looking at

[00:02:42] apartments, what felt like hours later, I hear him get up and come into the living room. He

[00:02:48] sits down next to me and just says I fucked up so bad. I freeze when I hear this because

[00:02:54] I barely process the reality of what just happened and I can already see where he's going next.

[00:02:59] I ask him to elaborate and he says he doesn't want a divorce. He doesn't know why he said that

[00:03:04] and he's feeling the most regret he's ever experienced in his life. He says that he realizes

[00:03:09] he fucked up and I don't have to take him back. At this point, I've experienced so much

[00:03:14] emotion and whiplash that I've completely numbed out. I've already cried all the tears I could.

[00:03:20] Now I was just sitting there next to my sobbing husband and saying I take him back,

[00:03:24] even though I barely processed the fact that he wanted to divorce me. I told him I wanted

[00:03:29] couples counseling for him and for him to get individual therapy and he agreed.

[00:03:34] I've asked him about individual therapy in the past but he never wanted to until now.

[00:03:38] It's days later now. I've gone through all the stages of being mad at him.

[00:03:43] I'm depressed that my marriage almost ended and secure about myself,

[00:03:47] except in the reality, feeling love for him, feeling numb.

[00:03:51] Cycling through all these emotions over and over again at random.

[00:03:55] I was searching for a couple's counselor but a lot of them have a wait list right now.

[00:03:59] So in the meantime, I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar situation.

[00:04:04] Does it get better? Does the trust ever come back? I feel like I can't trust him at all now.

[00:04:10] When he touches me, I freak out sometimes because that's not the comforting feeling

[00:04:14] I'm used to when he touches me. It's the feeling like he's suffocating me.

[00:04:19] I want to be there for him and help him through whatever mental shit he's going through,

[00:04:23] but this has been affecting my work and my school. I left my dream school for him.

[00:04:28] I can't just keep prioritizing him above everything else when he clearly doesn't do

[00:04:31] the same for me. And yet until now, he was doing the same for me.

[00:04:36] He's always been so sweet, buying me flowers, making dinner,

[00:04:39] going out of his way to make time for us. Before you scream abuse, please know I've been in

[00:04:43] abusive relationships before and they felt nothing like this. He's not like those guys.

[00:04:48] This is the first time he's ever done something like this. I just don't know how we can recover.

[00:04:54] Any advice about how to get through this would be appreciated.

[00:04:58] But in the comments on this, PBD1996 says personally,

[00:05:02] be single and work on yourself. If you got married a year into your relationship,

[00:05:07] that means you were engaged within just a few months of knowing him.

[00:05:10] Now you are sobbing over this man and taking him back in the same breath

[00:05:14] slash two hours after he said it was over. Also just because he regrets what he said,

[00:05:18] doesn't mean he didn't mean it. There was definitely truth behind his statement.

[00:05:23] We got married too fast. There seems to be a lot of codependency in this relationship

[00:05:27] on both sides. Opie says I think you might be right, it really fucking hurts.

[00:05:33] Opie's rule says yep, it will hurt but it won't be forever. You need to focus on you,

[00:05:39] he needs to grow up more. Unfairfinger says in my experience,

[00:05:43] if you will do that once, he'll do it again and again and again.

[00:05:47] PdsFox says yeah dude pulls a divorce when confronted about chores.

[00:05:52] HatchN says, Hubby will you take out the trash? Screw you, divorce me.

[00:05:56] Hubby will you pick up the kid from daycare? Screw you, divorce me.

[00:06:00] Yeah I can see old boy dropping divorce for everything.

[00:06:04] He didn't drop divorce until the last possible breaking point.

[00:06:07] And a final comment before the updates from Naive Selection who says my wife and I went

[00:06:12] through some awful terrible why don't you guys just split stuff but we made a promise to each other

[00:06:17] with our premarital counselor after he taught us this. You never say the D word

[00:06:22] unless you mean it because once you say it you can never really take it back.

[00:06:26] You will always remember it as an option. You can always run or threaten or talk with it.

[00:06:32] The day it becomes a household word, everything you worked for is dead and one of you needs to leave.

[00:06:38] Don't say it even once if you don't mean it. Now was he being wildly hyperbolic?

[00:06:43] Yes. Did it help us get through the worst of things? Also yes.

[00:06:47] I am not saying your marriage is over but the person you pour all your love and care into

[00:06:52] told you in quotes. He says he cares about me but doesn't love me and that he's been

[00:06:57] feeling this way for a while. Then the commenter continues and I don't see the way past this

[00:07:02] statement. Had days where I didn't like my wife but I've never had one in 11 years of marriage

[00:07:08] where I didn't love her. She is my world and always will be.

[00:07:12] Wishing nothing but happiness and fulfillment OP. Big hugs.

[00:07:16] OP comes in with our next post and says I feel trapped in my marriage and I can't tell

[00:07:20] anyone. This was 8 months later. 8 months ago my 23 female husband 25 male asked for a divorce.

[00:07:28] Then changed his mind hours later. We went to couple therapy in individual therapy

[00:07:34] though he quit his individual therapy after just a couple of sessions claiming he'd

[00:07:38] look for a new therapist and never did. We worked through a lot of our issues.

[00:07:43] We've become better partners to each other but despite all our improvements

[00:07:47] my mind keeps going back to that moment. I find myself constantly monitoring his emotions,

[00:07:53] looking into his eyes to try and see if he's still in there or if they're vacant like they were that

[00:07:57] day. I completely shut down around his friends because I saw the text conversation he had with

[00:08:02] his best friend the day of and how this shit talked me. My husband swears his best friend

[00:08:08] doesn't hate me but I don't believe him. I live my life in constant fear that today is

[00:08:12] going to be the day he changes his mind again and leaves me. I become obsessive about saving

[00:08:18] money in my personal account so that if he does leave I'll be okay. I find myself apologizing

[00:08:23] for everything, making myself small. I hate this version of myself. I feel like a coward.

[00:08:30] Last night we had a fight about it because I asked for reassurance and he got upset.

[00:08:35] He said he's been trying so hard that no matter what he does it feels like it will

[00:08:40] never be good enough and honestly he might be right. He really has been trying so hard and

[00:08:46] has been such a good partner these past few months but I can't get what he did out of my head.

[00:08:51] I've tried to explain so many times in so many ways how much what he did hurt me and how it's

[00:08:57] going to take time to heal. His response last night, good people make mistakes, get over it.

[00:09:04] So I decided that the pain of bringing it up again and again

[00:09:07] and hurting him in the process wasn't worth it. I told him I'd stop talking about it and try to

[00:09:12] forgive him. I feel like I've just made the ultimate betrayal to myself. I stopped individual therapy

[00:09:18] a bit ago to save money but the combination of last night plus the fact that I feel compelled

[00:09:23] to post on Reddit about this probably means I should go back. I fantasize about going back

[00:09:28] to my dream school, running away just leaving all of this behind. I hate that I gave up

[00:09:33] my dream life for a man who maybe doesn't even want me and I'm stuck playing the part of the good,

[00:09:38] quiet wife who shuts up for the sake of protecting his image. I hate what I've become. It's hard

[00:09:44] to see a way out. So on the back of this one Drunken Snorlax says so what I'm reading here is

[00:09:50] that though your husband has done so much work and improved so much for his marriage

[00:09:54] he cannot consider your side of the marriage because a marriage is between two people

[00:09:59] partners. It takes more than just one side. It doesn't sound like he's improved as much as he

[00:10:04] thinks he has if he cannot be asked to have a conversation with you about it. That's where the

[00:10:09] bar is for your marriage especially after he instigated this crater in the road and has worked

[00:10:14] to fix it. Hope he says to be fair to him it's probably hard for him to feel like he can't fix

[00:10:20] what he did. I'm not the only one hurting in this I keep trying to talk about it with him

[00:10:25] to try to work on fixing things. But it just seems to make him upset. He says it doesn't help anything.

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[00:11:33] required terms and conditions apply if rated PG. So a year from the original post OP comes in

[00:11:42] within our days as one year ago I made this post asking for advice on how to continue with my

[00:11:47] relationship after my now ex-husband 26 male betrayed my trust by telling me he wanted

[00:11:54] a divorce at the blue then changing his mind just a couple of hours later.

[00:11:59] As stated above is now my ex those who said he would repeat the same behavior again

[00:12:05] you were right on New Year's Day 2024 he said he wanted a divorce act a bag and left to a motel

[00:12:12] then came back hours later I'll admit I was a wreck that day I asked him if this was just going

[00:12:19] to be like last time and he said no I asked him if he felt mentally okay and he said he felt fine

[00:12:25] I got on my knees and begged this man to stay not my proudest moment and he looked at me with empty

[00:12:32] vacant eyes and just left I was in tears for a couple of hours but then I opened this app

[00:12:37] trying to distract myself and saw he'd made a now deleted please don't go looking for his account

[00:12:43] post on the divorce subreddit about how he left me and felt bad but didn't regret it.

[00:12:49] Then I went from depressed to furious I called my landlord and told him that I was getting a divorce

[00:12:55] and needed his help in changing the locks my landlord was very understanding and helped me do so

[00:13:01] a few hours later I heard a knock on the door and when I opened it my ex-husband was standing

[00:13:06] there I didn't even get a chance to tell him to leave because he immediately collapsed into

[00:13:10] my arms sobbing the first coherent words to come out of his mouth were you're not going to

[00:13:15] take me back are you reddit I would love to say that I rejected him right then but I didn't even

[00:13:22] after all of this I was still hooked into his web of manipulation so instead I sat down with him and

[00:13:28] had a long discussion about how much he hurt me I went in the middle of working to rebuild the

[00:13:33] trust that had been broken between us he completely destroyed any progress that had been made and

[00:13:37] found a way to make that distrust even worse I don't remember the details of what he said

[00:13:43] he always knew what to say to get me to feel sorry for him the night ended with me saying

[00:13:48] I would take him back he was smiling saying he'd never felt so hopeful he wrote me a love poem

[00:13:55] that night for the first time in years meanwhile I'd never felt so broken and I told him that

[00:14:01] after he said he felt so hopeful he shrugged it off and said I'd feel better in the morning

[00:14:05] I did not in fact feel better in the morning during the next few days I was trying to pick

[00:14:11] myself back up study for finals and continue going to work as if nothing was wrong he went back

[00:14:17] and forth every day on whether or not he loved me whether or not he wanted to be married to me

[00:14:22] he said he thought he loved the idea of being a husband more than he loved me my last straw was

[00:14:27] when I reached out to one of his childhood friends who I'd interacted with a few times and

[00:14:32] thought I could trust to be honest with me and asked if you ever noticed any red flags in

[00:14:37] my ex-husband's behavior in his past relationships or behavior towards women in general this friend

[00:14:43] assured me that he had never noticed anything of the sort I thanked him and asked if he could

[00:14:47] please not tell my ex-husband I asked that since I was afraid of what he might do when my ex-husband

[00:14:53] came home from work that day I could immediately tell he knew he opened the front door so forcefully

[00:14:59] he sat down on the couch next to me told me he knew and said in a low and almost growling

[00:15:05] tone of voice but I know you didn't mean any harm by it I was frozen in fear and couldn't say anything

[00:15:12] but then he grabbed my face and turned my head to look at him and his eyes looked so cold and he said

[00:15:17] again you didn't mean any harm by it right I nodded and forced myself to answer right

[00:15:24] I knew in that moment that this man would kill me if I didn't find a way out of this

[00:15:28] relationship if I didn't kill myself first with how bad my mental health was getting after

[00:15:32] dealing with him insulting and belittling me day after day I was genuinely starting to spiral

[00:15:38] into a dark place I hadn't been to in years the next day while he was at work I packed a bag

[00:15:44] wrote a note telling him I'm leaving and that I want his stuff out of the house when I get back

[00:15:48] left the note on the counter with my ring and spent the night at my mum's

[00:15:53] it is an uncontested divorce filing by mail and should be finalized in April

[00:15:58] I started the paperwork at my mum's house that first night of separation

[00:16:02] since ending my relationship I have gone for therapy and realized just how abusive and

[00:16:06] manipulative my ex-husband was they also understand how broken he is but being mentally

[00:16:12] unwell is not an excuse for abusive behavior what he did to me was abuse and I'm not afraid

[00:16:17] to say that anymore I've reconnected with old friends and made new ones I've started doing

[00:16:22] things that I love again things he never wanted me to do like wearing red lipstick or

[00:16:27] eating mint flavored things and go into concerts I've realized I never want to be married again

[00:16:33] I've discovered my polyamorous identity and I've begun to explore this side of myself

[00:16:38] I have plans to move out of my hated hometown that he had dragged me back to

[00:16:43] I feel so much more joy freedom and self-love than I ever did when I was in a relationship

[00:16:49] with my ex-husband I won't be using this account anymore after this as I have no need to

[00:16:54] I want to thank this community and the other Reddit subs that I've participated in

[00:16:58] if I had never made my original post I don't think I would have realized just how

[00:17:02] awfully my ex-husband treated me thanks to the support of hundreds of voices telling me

[00:17:07] I deserved better I realized how true that statement was I deserve better and now I have better

[00:17:14] I also want this update to be a beacon of hope to anyone who's found themselves in a

[00:17:18] similarly emotionally slash verbally abusive situation life is so much better when you leave

[00:17:25] there is hope there is light on the other side of the pain thank you again Reddit and finally free

[00:17:32] now I'm not sure if that's concluded on our OP said that they won't come back to this account

[00:17:37] again so I can only hope that you know their future does move in a positive manner that they

[00:17:41] do keep away from this person and that person keeps away from them because like always a lot

[00:17:46] of people advise into OP to still keep an eye out possibly move if they can because that behavior

[00:17:52] in the middle there which I'm glad OP did notice about how scary it actually was when he grabbed

[00:17:58] her face and turned it towards him and says you didn't mean any harm by it right the picture

[00:18:02] that I had in my head in that moment was absolutely terrifying but I'm super glad that OP's got

[00:18:08] themselves out of that abusive relationship but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys

[00:18:13] what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:18:19] and let's move on to another story and for our next story it's just a bit of a quirky story someone

[00:18:26] sent me over on Twitter they said it was a bit of HOA slash neighbor drama so I thought

[00:18:32] we'd cover it doesn't have an update or anything like that and before we go into this I want

[00:18:37] to clarify on the pronunciation of something talks about shallots as in like onions I know

[00:18:42] some places pronounce it as like shallots I think but I've always known it as shallots so I'm going

[00:18:49] with that okay they just bear with gingerbread construction says found out husband is the one

[00:18:55] stealing shallots from neighborhood gardens this has been going on for several years I live in a

[00:19:01] small rural neighborhood with a HOA where the houses are spread apart but neighbors are expected

[00:19:07] to keep their houses and yards nice as with most HOAs some members can get a little carried away

[00:19:13] with the seriousness of it all there will be passive aggressive emails about escaped dogs

[00:19:18] shirtless runners unsightly fencing etc it really annoys my husband I just laugh at it well a few

[00:19:27] years ago the neighbors got together and made a community garden in the center lot

[00:19:32] there were lots of email sent about this a lot of drama I don't remember all of it but people

[00:19:38] would get upset if someone took up too much space with their plants planted something unsightly etc

[00:19:44] so then we start getting emails complaining that someone was picking all the shallots slash

[00:19:49] onions out of the garden some people thought it could be deer eating them there were several

[00:19:55] theories the next year the same thing happened and then people were also complaining that

[00:20:00] the onions and shallots were going missing from their personal gardens this year it started

[00:20:05] happening again and people flipped out all caps emails oh no demands to interrogate teenage residents

[00:20:16] request to put security cameras in the communal garden two houses were hit and then people

[00:20:21] started staking up their gardens and putting up game cameras it started out being funny because

[00:20:26] I'm not involved with gardening so it's just amusing to read all the emails but this year people

[00:20:32] are getting really upset and wanting to get law enforcement involved so anyway you already know

[00:20:38] what happens I walk down to the bottom of our property that I don't visit often and I find

[00:20:43] a lot of smashed onions and shallots like absolutely smashed a bit it clearly took a lot of work

[00:20:51] I went inside and told my husband jokingly I think we're being framed for the onion heist

[00:20:56] he got this really weird look on his face and I had to realisation and asked him if he didn't have

[00:21:02] anything to do with this he confessed to me that he did and he's been stealing the onions and shallots

[00:21:07] despite the neighbours he was sneaking out at night to do this I asked him why and he said

[00:21:15] he just hates them so much I don't even know this makes me really uncomfortable this man is

[00:21:22] 31 and sneaking out at night to steal onions and I didn't even notice I wouldn't he just tell me

[00:21:28] like this had been going on for three years it's not like he just did it once as a prank

[00:21:33] I don't know what to do can anyone help me think this through maybe I'm overreacting but

[00:21:39] I'm pretty upset look I'm not condoning smashing up people's communal gardens absolutely not but

[00:21:48] the vivid image this gave me of this guy sort of like in some sort of ninja suit creeping out in

[00:21:53] the middle of the night to go like smash up onions it's just wild and this might sound

[00:21:58] extreme but I think it's just like time to up and leave out of that place if it's got to the

[00:22:03] point you're so sick of these neighbours and their shenanigans that you get into the point

[00:22:08] of sneaking out in the middle of the night to smash up onions I think you know I wouldn't

[00:22:13] want to live around there anymore but what do you guys make of this situation if you find any more

[00:22:20] HOA neighbor slash drama out there in your searches don't forget to let me know over on at mark

[00:22:27] narrations over on x twitter whatever you want to call it these days and just a huge thank you for

[00:22:32] the bottom my heart for getting involved in today's stories you'll love your support your time

[00:22:35] always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and I will see you

[00:22:39] in the next one take care you bloody cheeky so and so

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