Husband Made The Decision To Allow His Sisters Family To Stay In Our 1 Bedroom Apt With Us | Reddit

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Chico Revelli. I hope I pronounced that right. Am I the arsehole for not wanting my husband's family to stay with us for the holidays?

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00] We have a one bedroom apartment with a seven month old. Space is already so limited. My husband's sister and her family are flying across the country to spend Christmas with us for 11 days. They insisted they stay with us instead of getting a hotel. Of course, my husband agrees to this without talking to me. When he does ask me about it, I explain how it's going to be crowded. The noise has to be kept to a minimum because of the baby. My son already has trouble sleeping, so who knows how it'll be by next month.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_00] My husband is working some days while they're here, so he insists they use my car to go and do stuff while I'm home with a kid. The problem I have the most is when I speak up, he immediately says I'm against his family. Even though he's always talking crap against mine. My family hasn't been over to see my son yet because they know it's going to take hotel and car rental fees. They don't insist on uprooting my entire routine for 11 days. My mom can get me discounts because she works at a hotel, but that's still not good enough for them.

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00] I just think it's rude to insist on sleeping on an air mattress that will take up half of our living room. My son will not have a safe place to play. I'll have to lock myself away to pump every 3-4 hours. Our routines will be shattered. I have a feeling that their kid will be loud and wake the baby. Husband said, don't get mad if sister's kid breaks things. He's 5. I'm going to be mad. I'm made to feel like I'm the arsehole because I have an opinion. The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_00] Am I the arsehole here? I was already saying nope in my head when I saw it as a one bedroom apartment. But the fact, you know, in some ways this is not even about a holiday kind of stuff. It's the fact that your husband is making unilateral decisions that's going to affect you, your home, your routine, your baby, everyone without having any kind of discussion about it. And then when you do raise concerns, he's dismissing them and you're being accused of being against his family. Manipulation all over, right?

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00] And this comes down to just about him respecting you as his partner, as an equal partner in decisions that's going to affect your household. It's madness that even in his head he thinks that this is even in any way acceptable. But the commenter says, you should be rethinking this marriage. He's got zero consideration for you. The commenter replies saying exactly. He is showing all the classic signs of being an abuser. One, isolating her.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_00] He bad mouths her family and probably wouldn't even let them into the home. Two, cuts her out of the decision making. Invites his family to stay with them for 11 days during Christmas. Three, makes everything her fault. When she objects and uses logic, she's difficult, she hates his family. And makes her question her own logic slash sanity. Hence her post here. Another commenter says, one of Bertie is around his 30s at least. And she is early 20s.

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, oof, try 40 and mid 30s. Someone asks, is Opie from an Indian culture? And Opie says, no. Commodore says, not the asshole. Good grief. I'd be leaving to visit my own family with a baby for 11 days. He can deal with his sister. Good luck. Commodore says, 11 days. No. Two days tops for someone to sleep on an air mattress in your living room. This isn't about being against his family. It isn't a family matter at all.

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00] You simply cannot host in your home for 11 days in a one bedroom apartment. Especially for three additional people. Or offer the car but say that they can use it on specific days. But not during the entire time. Or his sister can take your husband to work and use his car while his is at work. Who is buying all the food and will be cooking the meals? So Opie comes in with our update nearly a month later. And says, where to begin unwrapping this shithole?

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_00] I had brought up the issue with his family staying a couple of times after my first post. I had to Google how to talk to a narcissist before the approach. I said how it would affect the baby and I. And how it would affect his family with me having to get up in the middle of the night. And how my son needs space for his playpen. Baby proofing a one bedroom has proven more difficult than I thought. He seemed understanding. However wasn't budging or wanting them to stay. I just got the old, we'll keep analysing it.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_00] Since I can cancel my hotel reservations a day before check-in. I went ahead and booked 10 nights just to lock in cheap rates. I felt more secure having a backup plan in case shit hit the fan at my house. On our way to Thanksgiving, my son keeps getting blasted by sunlight while driving. I've tried the usual sun shades on the windows. A few days ago I got these curtains for the side windows. They hang on with magnets so I grabbed them from my car and hung them in my husband's car. As he was the one driving us 3 hours away to his family gathering.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00] He kept saying the blinds were blocking his blind spots so I tied them open so he could see. But my son could also keep some shade. After it was still being a problem, my husband asked for them to be removed. And proceeded to tell me how I need to ask him before I just go and do stuff. That's when I lost my shit. I brought up the visit and how he never discussed it with me prior to telling his sister they could stay. Of course, this causes him to blow up. Saying he doesn't need my permission as it is his house.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_00] Over and over I'm told to shut the fuck up and man up. If it was your family and I don't want to be with a bitch. See you next Tuesday, wife. I remain calm and reiterate that it's my home too and it's about respect that he talks to me first. It's not about control. It's about respect. Respect for my son and our routines. Comfort and safety. He then goes on to say how I don't respect him and I just turned this around and made it about you.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00] Holidays are classically stressful. Look at Home Alone where they have that huge house in its chaos. Okay, but this isn't a movie. It's real life. If we had a guest room, I would still be annoyed but I'd be more comfortable. Manning up and letting them stay as they wouldn't obscure my routines. So, I ruined Thanksgiving. Husband stayed at work until he had to come home just to sleep. Didn't see his son for almost three days. I had to text him first.

[00:06:41] [SPEAKER_00] Come and have an adult conversation with me. You haven't seen your son in three days. To which I get, but I'm working. No shit. I meant after and no one wants me around anyway. I'm only good for food and money. Good lord. I didn't respond to this. Needless to say, he came home and spent time with his son. We had an adult conversation. His family staying is not changing. He said he already told them yes and he doesn't want to now tell them to get a hotel. A hotel is way too expensive.

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_00] Even at this discount you're talking about, it's going to be $50. Lol. It actually was. I booked 10 nights for $518 total. I told him this and he just rolls his eyes. His sister has texted me personally and asked if they could use my car to do one thing when my husband is working. She said they would rent a car if not. Just the fact that she asked with respect made me say yes to using it. We agreed that if I needed it, they would bring it back.

[00:07:40] [SPEAKER_00] My son and I will be okay. My thoughts? Continue my routines. Do what I need to do. If they can't handle it, they're free to get a hotel. I will not outroot my life for 11 days. It's not about me. It's about my son. He'll be taken care of regardless of guests. My question is, should I keep the hotel? I want to have it in case my son and I have to sleep there. If people keep waking my son up. I'm going to have a huge problem, especially if we're trapped.

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00] But I also don't want to waste the money and never use it. I can't decide. Everyone saying I should get a divorce over this, that's valid. I want to give him one more chance to start discussing with me. If he can't respect that, then yeah, it's done. I'm tired of him stepping outside and having these conversations without my input. Opie also mentions that there's going to be an aftermath post some point down the road. It hasn't happened as yet, but... And I know it's like, it's always said that it's a very reddity thing to automatically jump to divorce.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00] But holy shit, you need to ask me before you do stuff. I don't need your permission. It's my house. It's all the rules for thee, but not for me. I would have automatically been out when he told you to shut the fuck up a man up and called you a bitch. See you next Tuesday, wife. And then decided to punish you by just being at the house for what, three days was it? I truly think Opie needs to protect themselves in this situation.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_00] Get in contact with their family and possibly do something. Because, you know, this isn't just one more chance. This is chance XX number. How many other times has he done this before? How many times has he escalated to verbal abuse? I bet you there'll be countless times. Opie needs to look after themselves and start building the exit plan because I can't see this going anywhere but that. Couple of the top commenters say, A big part of the problem is that you're married to a 12-year-old in an adult's body.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_00] His lack of respect to you and the well-being of his child combined with his temper tantrums are unbelievable. You need to stand up to him or this will be your life for the duration of your marriage. When his family sets up camp in your living room, tell them you're going to make it easier on them by going to a hotel and just visiting them during the day. Let your husband handle F Troop's holiday bivouac. Opie says,

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00] Funny you say he acts like a 12-year-old because he had the audacity to call me a emo 12-year-old when he was the one who stayed away from his son for three days pouting. Another commenter says, One thing I don't think I've read is that the stress Opie is going through slash will go through with his asshole husband and his family will definitely affect her milk supply which will in turn affect the baby. If Opie stays through the visit, absolutely let the baby cry and disrupt everyone's sleep so they finally realize this isn't doable. It's insane.

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_00] Does sister and no even realize Opie lives in a one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartment where three people already live? Even if sister and no one husband sleep on the air mattress in the living room. Where is that five-year-old supposed to sleep? I'm just shaking my head. Opie says, I've told my husband multiple times that stress affects milk supply. Drops have happened to me multiple times and he wonders why there's no milk in the fridge. I'm an exclusive pumper and why his son has to drink protein shakes. He doesn't care.

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00] Commenter says, Don't prepare for guests. Don't buy groceries. Don't cook. Take your son and go and stay at the hotel or with friends or family. Let your husband host his family without you. And one final commenter says, Honey, you need to take the baby and the car and go and stay at the hotel for the duration of the stay. Let him host his family. Stay well away from that chaos. Don't be home. Whilst I think that is a really good option for Opie from staying away from that chaos at the same time,

[00:11:24] [SPEAKER_00] I think Opie really needs to go a step further and stay with family in that particular case. Because I think if Opie was to say, you know, I'm going to a hotel for these days, he won't like that either. In my head, I'm imagining it that he's expecting Opie to host for these people as well. Cook for these people. And I'm just left shocked in the end that even like without all the other chaos that the sister-in-law isn't like this is a one bedroom apartment. This isn't a good idea at all. And it's not fair on Opie in this situation. It's just wild ass thinking.

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_00] But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the true off my chest subreddit from zesty close block 1332. And it says my girlfriend found out that I lied about me and my friends playing fantasy football. I know I screwed up big time. I know it was wrong to lie to my girlfriend. And I probably should have just told her the truth.

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_00] I lied because I didn't want to hurt her or upset her. But I realized it was still a lie. I've been playing fantasy football with some friends for years. We are all big sports fans but football is the biggest. Last season one of the guys dropped out of our fantasy league because he said it was taking up too much of his time. And he was afraid it was pushing him into a gambling problem. We needed another player and my girlfriend watches football so we asked her to play.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00] I know I'm going to catch heat for saying this but it wasn't as fun playing with her as I thought it would be. I don't know if it's beginner's luck or what but she pretty much destroyed the rest of us all season. It wasn't fun losing to her. So this season we just decided to tell her we weren't playing this year. I didn't want to at first but the other guys insisted. We invited the new brother-in-law of one of the other guys to play instead. I just told her everyone was too busy to play this year and she didn't question it.

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_00] On Thursday night we slipped up and she found out we're still playing. She had to go to work but she was pissed off. She's been frosty since she got home Friday morning. Next weekend we're supposed to go to an out of state wedding. Her family isn't from Chicago. But now she said she wants to go by herself. I tried to explain it but it just made her mad. It's nothing personal. No one hates her or anything. I know I'm going to catch heat in the comments. Every time I try to explain it makes it worse.

[00:13:47] [SPEAKER_00] I screwed up and there's no way around it. But she's so upset and I don't know what to do to make it better. I know I fucked up. I got a feeling that she's probably already checked out of this already. But she's upset at you because you lied to exclude her specifically. Because what? She was too good at it. You joined up with your mates to kick her out for winning. Come on now. You need to stop trying to over explain your reasons and just own it. Because let's face it.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_00] It is a pathetic reason. Automatic says you definitely messed up. This won't even be about excluding her from something. But about how okay you were lying to her. The key to relationships is communication. My only suggestion for your current situation would be to man up. Take full responsibility and apologize. Then sit down and have an honest conversation with her. About why you did what you did and what you plan to do to make sure communication is honest going forward.

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_00] If you're lucky and work for it, you'll be able to build up trust again. Opie says yeah, I know you're right. I make no excuses. I realize I screwed up. Every time I try to explain I make it worse. I did apologize but she doesn't want to hear it right now. I understand why she's mad and I don't make any excuses for lying or hiding it. I should have stuck to my guns when the other guys insisted. Own Cupcake says don't try to deflect onto the other guys.

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_00] They're not in this relationship. You are. For now. They didn't decide to lie. You did. Own up to it and take the consequences. Commodore says nah, you were happy to go along with the guys even though you knew it meant doing something hurtful to your girlfriend. Getting validation and approval from them was more important than your girlfriend's feelings. That's 100% on you.

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_00] So it was two months later that Opie did come in with an update and said so it's over. I knew I screwed up and the writing was on the wall. The worst part is that I have no excuses. I know how badly I fucked this up. I'm not even looking for sympathy here. When my girlfriend got back from the wedding she asked me why I lied to her. I didn't have any answer for her. All my explanations just made it worse and didn't really explain anything. I tried to apologize but she didn't want to hear it.

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_00] It was the worst week of my life. It was almost like she was freezing me out. At one point she asked me if we ever talked about her in the group chat for our fantasy league. I didn't even have to answer. She just said, it's not nice right? And I think that was the turning point. I never want to see her cry and the worst part is knowing I did this because I was stupid and didn't stand up to my friends. She says she doesn't think we're compatible and shouldn't date anymore.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_00] She didn't want to accept my apologies and I understand and I won't bother her now. She went to stay with her family for another week and now I've heard she came back because of her job, pharmacist and now she's staying with friends. But I will leave her alone. I'm looking for another place to live because our lease is up at the end of the month. She left two weeks ago and it feels empty. And the worst part is I know it's my fault. I barely care about watching football now and normally I'd be excited about it because my team is in first place.

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_00] If you take anything away from my post, don't put your friends over the person you love. Learn to stand up to your friends. I learned my lesson after all this. Fan says, so what were you guys saying about her in the group chat? Commenter says, just some unexamined misogyny disguised as humor I'm sure. And I think a summary of the comments after this one, well actually there was a couple. A summary was like what was being said in that group chat. Everyone was curious about that.

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_00] A lot of people saying, you know, it's probably some misogynistic bullshit. And also imagine losing your relationship because of your own fragile ego. Oof. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story is from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit from OKAbrakoma1831.

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_00] It's a new story so there isn't an update as yet. But it's Am I the Arsehole for not letting the previous owner of my house come back in to see it again after she had moved out. I, 25 female, have been living at this house with my parents since 2020. This house was built and owned by one family before us. The original owners were a carpenter, his wife and their daughter. The owner and his friends moved out of the country and built houses all next door to each other in 1976.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_00] So them and their families were all super close. The owner's wife passed away in 2014 and their daughter moved out in 2015. The guy kept living here by himself until he passed away in 2020. After his passing, his daughter traveled back to the state and sold the house to us before leaving again. When we moved in, we found a few boxes of old family pictures, expensive carpentry tools and we found super expensive cooking supplies.

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_00] We contacted the daughter of the owner so that we could return the items to her but she didn't answer. Over the years, we continued to try and contact her through text messages, phone calls, emails and we even tried to have the neighbor contact her. In 2022, she finally answered and screamed at my mom for continuously trying to talk to her. But the girl said that she didn't want any of her parents things. Then she called my mom a few explicit words and hung up.

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_00] After that situation, we stopped trying to contact her and we sold the carpentry tools, sold some of the cooking supplies and we gave the family pictures to the neighbor that we knew was friends with the previous owner. We thought that was the end. However, last week I was in the backyard and my neighbor called me over to his fence. He had a younger woman with him who introduced herself as the girl who used to live in the house that I live in now. She thanked me for giving the family pictures to the neighbor and then she asked me about the carpentry and cooking supplies.

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_00] When I told her we sold them, she'd lost her mind. She was angry that we'd get rid of something that was so meaningful to her parents. When I explained that we had tried to give them back to her, she called me a liar and a bitch. Then she asked to see the inside of the house for old times sake, but I didn't like how she treated me and I didn't like what she said to my mom in 2022. So I told her no. This made her get even angrier and it made the neighbor angry as well.

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00] They both yelled at me while I hurried inside and locked the doors. About 10 minutes later, the girl was banging on the front door saying she wanted to come inside. My parents told her through the door that she couldn't come in. This made the neighbor pissed, so he joined her and nearly left a dent in the door. We asked them to leave for over an hour before they finally left. Now it's been a week and all of the neighbors know about what happened. They keep giving us dirty looks and doing the classic old person thing of grunting whenever we try to talk to them.

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_00] They all adore that girl because she grew up hanging out with them and their kids. So now we are the most hated people in our neighborhood. Am I the asshole? So he was trying to contact this girl for two years, multiple methods to try and get this stuff back to her. She ignores you and then finally responds by screaming at your mom and swearing at her and saying that she doesn't want any of it. So, you know, of course, you're going to get rid of it, right? He was even thoughtful enough to give the family photos to the neighbor who was actually friends with her dad.

[00:21:26] [SPEAKER_00] Then she turns up years later, flips out about items she literally told you she didn't want and caused you a liar and a bitch and then has the audacity. The bloody cheeky so-and-so has the audacity for a house tour. It's very Jekyll and Heidi to me, I think. Like one minute she said, oh, do you have the items? And then she's like, no. And then she flips out and then turns again and says, oh, but can I come see the inside of the house? I'd be very wary. There's something going on there. I'd be documenting everything.

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_00] If you can, you know, get cameras, doorbell camera, something along those lines so you can keep up so you can inform the police of what the fuck's going on. Because someone who goes from absolutely zero to trying to break in your door with another neighbor for an hour just doesn't stop at that. Wow, says Trousers. But Grouchy says, massive, not the arsehole. You tried your absolute best to return her things and she didn't want them. What else are you supposed to do? Fear free storage? Also, it's your house.

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_00] You're legally entitled to refuse entry, especially to a rude screaming person. Your neighbors are arseholes though. I kind of wonder if the other neighbors have been told a different version of events in this situation, but Bourne Leg says not the arsehole. She and the neighbor are complete arses. People like her like to play the bloody victim. Your mom did everything possible to try and give her the things you all found. She was the one who sold the house and she was the one who left them behind. Although I would simply say we got rid of those items and leave it at that.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_00] Saying you sold them might give people the idea that you owe her the money, but you don't. When I sold my last house that I lived in for 22 and a half years, I gave them two large envelopes with my new address on them. Just in case mail came or a picture slipped behind this big built-in shelf that they said they were going to tear down. I also left my phone number. Don't worry about those people. Your neighbors. Just mind your own business and eventually they will go back to minding theirs. Sarah Megatron says, not the arsehole.

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_00] She sounds honestly mentally unwell. The fact that she expected you to have the things she cursed your mom out about not wanting also makes me wonder if she realized finally that those things would be worth some money so she came around. It's such a weird choice in reaction that if it's not mental illness, it's about wanting money for drugs. The best thing you can do is ignore the old bastards around you. Old bastards. Opie adds one comment expanding about her, the daughter's potential relationship with

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_00] her parents or saying, we also think that she had a rough relationship with them which is part of why I feel bad about the situation. We have a few cameras around on the property because we have to watch out for coyotes at night but now we're adding in a few more just for extra security. We aren't super close with all of our neighbors but we try to be friendly if we see them. They are the kind of people that give us extra food from their gardens and they just randomly come by sometimes and talk with us if we happen to be outside.

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00] We also understood that we moved into their friend's house who had passed away so we have always tried to maintain a decent relationship with all of the neighbors. We're thinking of filing a police report but the neighbor, who was with the young woman knocking on the door, has a son who is the chief of police in our small town. So we aren't sure how it would go if we tried to file a police report. However, we're still looking into it. Oh bloody hell, relations to the chief of the police in a small town.

[00:24:46] [SPEAKER_00] If Reddit's taught me one thing, that's not a good combo. And just a disclaimer, I know as I read these stories I'm always generally reading the worst of the worst and there's probably small towns out there that are fantastic. So just to add that as well. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What would you guys do in this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time.

[00:25:15] [SPEAKER_00] It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.