Husband Is REFUSING To Get His Passport For His Grand-Daughters Destination Wedding r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:17] Now today's first story comes from rcup9063 from the Wedding Drama subreddit. And it says, Destination Wedding for Husband's Granddaughter. He won't do anything to get his passport. Been married to my second husband for 27 years. He has two kids who I really like and get along with. One daughter has four daughters who are a bit spoiled. I made sure to give the granddaughters nice presents for their graduation gifts and have always been the nice step-grandma.

[00:00:47] who is pretty much ignored by the grandkids. My husband does zero work on any gift giving or travel arranging when we attend any of their events. That's all left up to me. We attended the weddings of the first two granddaughters, both of which were about three hours away. I arranged the trip, bought and wrapped the gifts and bought cards. We attended the event and I was again the nice step-grandma who is pretty much ignored by the grandkids. About four months ago we received a save the date.

[00:01:17] We received a date card letting us know that the third granddaughter will be getting married in another country in mid-2025. I have a passport but husband does not. I told him he will need to get a passport to attend this. He's done nothing. A few weeks ago I asked if he really wanted to go to this and he said yes. I reminded him that he would need a passport. So I went online to see what he needed to get that. One item was the date of divorce from his prior wife. He said he wasn't going to get a passport.

[00:01:47] I wasn't going to get into that. I said okay and dropped the whole issue. I'd been looking at airline flights and tickets would have cost about $2,000 for both of us. The hotel would be about another $1,000. All-inclusive place. The invite for the wedding is taped to the front of the fridge and I'm not going to bring this up again. If he asks I will let him know that if he actually gets off his butt and gets his passport I will make the travel arrangements.

[00:02:12] Edit. I forgot to mention that the wedding is on a Wednesday. Which means we'd have to fly out Tuesday and fly back Thursday. I cannot believe she chose Wednesday for a wedding day. Hope he gave an edit mini update which said hey thanks everyone for all the interesting comments. As you can tell there's more going on than just the wedding. I'll be sure to post an update when he completely fails to do anything to go to the wedding and therefore we don't go.

[00:02:41] A commenter asks an interesting question to OP. They said also I don't know what the laws are where you are but have you seen proof he's divorced right? Because fine I have no idea what date my divorce went through but I do have the printed out paperwork in my drawer and I'll just look it up. This is some bizarre avoidance and it will give me the willies. Not gonna lie. OP says I know for a fact the divorce went through and I saw the paperwork years ago. I'm pretty sure it was final in 1996

[00:03:10] but I don't know the date. It was odd that he said it that way. Then more on the divorce and proof. Lots of commenters seem to be fixated on that. OP said I'm an attorney. I tried looking them up online but records that old from 1996 aren't usually available online. More than likely it's stored on microfiche at the district court where this was entered. This will require a trip to the courthouse filling out forms to request the old documents etc etc.

[00:03:38] Not difficult but detailed and time consuming. I'm just so tired of doing all this detailed time intensive bullshit for him all the time. I'm tired of spending my time on something I don't even want to spend money or go to. I'm going to do nothing. Say nothing and let the date come and go. However, I will now probably go look for the records just to make sure the divorce decree was entered. Someone says Understand so much. I'm concerned for you. Make the time. Go look.

[00:04:08] If for no other reason than peace of mind. There is a reason why my age 59 demographic are the largest cohort getting divorced. 70% are women who are sick of this shit. We have to do it all alone. It's just easier to be alone than dragging an anchor. Opie says Oh, I'm going to find it just to be sure the divorce decree was entered. Then I'm going to destroy it and never say a word. And yes, I'm getting increasingly tired of dragging this anchor. Information on the kids.

[00:04:38] Opie says his kids are actually from wife number one who passed away before I met any of them. His divorce was from wife number two but I don't understand why he will put no effort into finding the divorce date Opie includes actually the kids hated wife number two. Yes, he's lazy. His kids and their spouses are very nice to me. I had a stepmother also and I'm very careful not to try to be mum to them. I hated it

[00:05:07] when my stepmom did this. I just want to be nice, friendly and not get in their business. Isn't that what a stepmother should do? Same for the grandkids. Someone asks why are you still married? Opie says but that's some much longer post. For those of you in your late 60s long married you understand that marriage to a flawed person is still better than being lonely. At least most of the time. Wearing the pros and cons he still comes up on the pro side. Opie says to another commenter yes I do feel alone

[00:05:37] a great deal of the time. Being alone has never been a problem for me but I still feel like being married to him. Opie says to another commenter yeah I have a backbone but I also have a huge heart for my husband. I have no problem telling others to F off and I've always been tough. I think this is a turning point where I'm totally done making any arrangements to make things easier on him. A commenter says is it possible that he doesn't have the needed paperwork and is stuck in a loop because he has no idea where to start replacing it?

[00:06:07] Opie says he has enough knowledge to figure this out. I'm not even going to give him any pointers offer suggestions because there I go again doing all the mental work for everything. A commenter says to Opie no reason why Opie can't go. She has a passport. If it was me I'd go by myself and tell everyone exactly why I was unaccompanied. Opie says oh the hell no I'm definitely not going solo for a step-granddaughter who probably won't even acknowledge me. A commenter says if you continually feel ignored by them stop giving.

[00:06:37] It honestly sounds like a huge expense to attend for someone who treats you that way. Opie says yeah I'm done. Opie says hey this is Reddit I come here for the truth not to have people be soft on me. Opie adds to the post actually one person

[00:07:05] commented about the RSVP and that we would have to advise them whether we were coming or not realizing that I had previously RSVP'd so now I have changed my position and will be contacting his daughter to advisor of the issue. That comment is buried somewhere in response to another comment. Yesterday was truly full of example after example of me having to do everything in this relationship carrying 100% of the mental load and I was just done. But today is a new day and I'm going to be a better human. Someone said

[00:07:35] I'm wondering what the appeal was here. He's lazy and can't be bothered to do fuck all regarding his own kids and grandkids. It sounds like he's using weaponized incompetence to get you to do everything. Why would a smart accomplished professional woman put up with this shit for 27 years? He can't possibly be that good in bed Opie says because it wasn't always this lopsided. After his cancer diagnosis in 2018 and chemo stem cell transplant resulting neuropathy and depression

[00:08:04] he became more dependent. He's somewhat better now but we both fell into the me doing everything pattern. The last few years I've been trying to break that especially with tasks that are not physical require mental effort. Opie says wow that's a lot of left out information. Opie says yes but the last year or so I've been trying to get the workload more balanced especially with just mental tasks. It's so difficult once partner has basically shouldered the whole load. I'm starting to think that even though he said he wanted

[00:08:33] to go to the wedding and inside he really doesn't therefore he's going to use the passport excuse for why we won't go. Fine by me. Sometime after that post Opie did come in with an update and says to all of you who commented before thanks. This is the update and I know I'm setting myself up to get knocked about but this is reddit after all. One I saw the divorce decree from his prior wife so he is indeed divorced and he and I are legally married. Two since that post I've told him he needs

[00:09:03] to engage in the cleaning and taking care of things around the house. He's now responsible for one bathroom and I'm responsible for the other. He actually pointed out a cleaning method to me and I said great do whatever you like. He's been frustrated by the new order around here and continues to do as little as possible. I've tried to remain cheerful and positive. Three his daughter called to confirm we are coming. He said of course and later asked me we're going right? I said when you get your passport I will make the

[00:09:33] reservations. He looked dumbstruck. I told him the application has been sitting right where I told him and he denied ever hearing me say that. He started working on the application then asked me if he had a birth certificate. I told him I assume so because you were born. He asked me where it was and I told him I have no idea. Figure it out. He was getting frustrated. I went and fetched it from the files and angrily told him here it is and you can take care of this from now on. Yes I spoke

[00:10:02] angrily. Yes I slammed it down on the table. Four he flipped out and threw a plastic bottle of salad dressing into the kitchen and it broke and splattered all over the cabinet. Five like the mature adults we are the rest of the day was spent in silence. I went into my office and he was again glued to the damn for years. He eventually cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. Six I refused to cook for him but not do any of his laundry.

[00:10:33] I had just changed the sheets on the bed and I bet they are this time next year. I have taken up residence in the extra bedroom and my office which are on one side of the house. Seven I am not sure what will come of this but I wish divorce from his prior wife had never been finalized. I would now be free. Financially we are stuck together but I will work towards getting unstuck. Someone says to OP update me about it if he gets it together in time to get his passport. I think someone mentioned in your previous post something about maybe telling the bride

[00:11:02] that he hasn't gotten his passport. If you're on decent terms with her you might want to mention it to her anyway. If you don't tell her now when he doesn't get to go he's going to tell her that you never told him just like he denied you saying that you told him before. If nothing else her getting on him might jumpstart him more than anything you do. Other than that though I wouldn't do anything. Good luck. Enjoy your trip with

[00:11:39] the editor on this post said to prevent confusion remember it's the granddaughter getting married not the daughter Opie is close to the daughter who is the bride's mum. The commenter says by the sounds of it he never learned to do shit at home. Ask him if he wants to learn before he's on his own. It

[00:12:09] to be a partner in a marriage. It worked. The commenter says seems you married a man child. I hope he decides to grow up but the chances are slim. Opie says I did not sure what the future holds. Thankfully I learned not to let it distress me too terribly. Have my friends and my work source of good income. The commenter says nothing sexier than a man who throws a salad dressing bottle when asked to complete a grown up task. Opie says yeah to his credit he wasn't aiming at me. I admit I have thrown things in anger and

[00:12:39] frustration before. At least it wasn't the ranch dressing which I don't eat anyway. The commenter says congrats on your being very organized and thorough with this fortunate debacle. Am other than to vote. Commenter says also instead of getting things like his birth certificate for him if he doesn't know by now that important documents are stored in a

[00:13:09] file cabinet either he's actually truly stupid or you married someone with disability and the way to find out is to ask him so after living with me for 20 years is it because you're mentally deficient that you don't know where the OB says oh mentally I say a lot of stuff that would only serve to escalate the problem years ago I moved a small two drawer file cabinet into our walk

[00:13:39] in closet and told him that one is his and his birth certificate is in there it's the only thing in there you literally open the drawer and there is one manila folder with his birth certificate he does have ADHD and prefers not to do anything that requires organization and attention to detail but that doesn't mean he can't he can but I have filled that gap for him so long he's become accustomed to it well that has all changed and he's not handling it well commenter says you need

[00:14:09] some counseling to work your way through this and maybe need to try couple counseling sadly you've enabled him for years and he didn't honestly I didn't realize how much until I almost slammed that burst of gun on the table I need to work on changing the situation and letting go of resentment holding onto that does no good and OP explains one more thing well

[00:14:38] prior to my post was pretty much the start of my wake up call when I wondered why am I jumping through hoops doing all the work for his passport when even though I'm better at the first time there is a brand new update which

[00:15:09] was titled Destination Wedding and Passport Success Again I want to thank you all for posted helpful comments they really helped me work through these issues and we have made positive progress on so many fronts he obtained all the necessary information for the passport application and completed it he did ask for my assistance setting up an appointment at the post office to have his picture taken and submit his application had to be done online and doing anything through their website is wonky we're going to the

[00:15:39] post office this morning we've also had some polite mature discussions about him doing his laundry which he has done and that we need to equally share the workload of the house he had to do the grocery shopping by himself last week because I refused to go he managed to wash a load of white even used bleach without destroying any clothes he's been doing the dishes and made loaded nachos for us this weekend granted it's still not 50-50 yet but I believe we will get there so

[00:16:09] as soon as I'm done with this update I'm going to make our resort and plane reservations looks like it's a go I'm going

[00:16:39] to this just to continue watching it to make sure he does make that progress and it doesn't start slipping away again but what do you

[00:17:39] Sunday I said yeah I think Sunday what's going on what's your point he said you bought this Sunday for dinner Thursday this clearly didn't work you having trouble planning ahead how can we solve this I just stared at him for a while as he repeated himself and finally he dropped it we've never really had an interaction like this before it just seemed so condescending and nasty like he was

[00:18:35] what you said just messed up a major project in some company or something what the hell is he thinking queer here says maybe this is a pattern that he's been seething over for a long time the anger seems disproportionate otherwise is your fridge generally full of rotten food a grocery is eating up

[00:19:05] too much of a tight budget either way mega condescending opi says I don't think so I think maybe he's a little unrealistic about food like we probably throw away one piece of produce every one to two weeks I make it a point to buy a lot of fresh produce and it's just a little unpredictable about how quickly it goes bad or a lot of it I'll buy for general snacking so I have no way to know the exact rate at which it will be consumed famous monster says there is an adage when a couple fights about the

[00:19:35] silverware they're not really fighting about the silverware this was not about the broccoli sit down with him and ask him basically what that was all about tell him that you're pretty sure it wasn't about broccoli it may be a long conversation but it's one you should have opie says that was pretty much what I thought so when he was going on about the broccoli spring plum says I would not be at all surprised to find out he's

[00:20:06] worried ready to talk about it yet opie says maybe this is a stretch but I gave him a really hard time this weekend about staying out until 4am not telling me where he was he totally accepted that he was wrong and apologized but maybe he's trying to get the upper hand back by finding something to fault me for I don't know it's the only thing I can think of sometime later opie comes in with an update and says well I found out what the problem was he was cheating on me just kidding

[00:20:37] you got me there opie yesterday over lunch we had a conversation about our new investment property which we are still in the process of buying and renovating I knew we were stretching thin financially to buy it although my husband has worked out exactly how long it would take for us to be profiting from it but I didn't know how thin it turns out my husband took out a 0% APR credit card with a 10,000 limit and is planning to load it up until the investment property is rented out and making money back my husband

[00:21:06] hates credit card debt and the whole time I've known but I do generally leave the money stuff up to him it is his domain and he's always done a great job with it

[00:21:51] thanks for your help you guys were right fifth doctor says don't scare us like that wasted broccoli is the leading cause of infidelity user replies saying it's a fact and Chuck Norris great name says I'm leaving you with some of my favorite broccoli dish recipes parmesan roasted broccoli this is amazing making this caramelized broccoli with garlic oh that sounds good this broccoli and cheese casserole has got to be laid on numerous occasions

[00:22:23] and you have to search up the post if you want to get the links to those recipes I felt it was relevant to share these because now that you've figured out exactly why he did what he did you too can make broccoli kind of a running gag and it can be something you too can look back sad bastard anyway

[00:22:52] I'm glad they were able to work things out in the end and find out what the cause of the issue was it's funny how like a random item or piece of food or something like that causes a blow up in a relationship and we always discover it's never about situation let us know your thoughts

[00:23:22] down in the comments below just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and