Husband HUMILIATED Me On Our Wedding Day & Met His Karma r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and welcome to today's compilation video. I want to get that out of there straight away just in case you don't like the compilations, totally up to you. But a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time, always means the absolute world to me. And let's crack on with today's stories. Much love guys.

[00:00:23] Now today's first story comes from the true off my chest subreddit from Constant Nebya 1982 and says, My soon to be ex-husband humiliated me on our wedding day and met his karma instantly. It had been two days since my wedding day. I had already been with him for four years, one year of which I was engaged. It all started a few months earlier when I noticed my husband Jake watching prank videos. Oh dear.

[00:00:50] Among other things, these videos showed embarrassing photos of the bride being played on a projector in front of the whole room while the bride's face being smashed into the cake. I told him straight away that I didn't want anything like that at our wedding. He just laughed and said that he wasn't planning anything like that. I thought that was the end of it but I kept catching him making strange arrangements with his friends. He suddenly wanted to choose the wedding photographer and the cake. I thought nothing of it.

[00:01:20] And was just glad that he was helping me with the wedding preparations. Nevertheless, I reminded him the day before that if he did something like that, I would break up with him immediately.

[00:01:31] When the day of the wedding came, everything went smoothly until the ceremony. Until the moment came when the cake was about to be cut. The whole room watched as I made the first cut and the photographer stood in front of us with camera in hand. Suddenly, I felt a hand on the back of my head pushing me face first into the cake. Not only my makeup but the whole wedding dress was ruined and the whole room laughed. My husband, the loudest.

[00:01:58] At that moment, the photographer took the photo and Jake said that this was now our wedding photo. I turned around, slapped him in the face and run out of the room in tears. Thank God, karma didn't take long to arrive and it came in the form of his own brother.

[00:02:13] I ran to the toilet and started crying when I suddenly heard loud shouting from the hall. It was his brother Frank. I could barely understand what he was saying and when I left the toilet, he was waiting for me.

[00:02:25] He told me that Jake had something to tell me. Jake was shaking and apologized without looking me in the eye. Frank told him to look me in the eye and apologize again.

[00:02:35] Even I was a bit scared of Frank at that moment because I had always thought of him as a kind and gentle man. I had never seen him angry before.

[00:02:44] Jake apologized again and then Frank led us back into the hall which was suddenly very quiet and most of our families looked down at the floor a little embarrassed.

[00:02:55] I was taken home by Frank because I was too angry with my husband and I didn't want to see him.

[00:03:00] During the ride, Frank apologized for blowing up like that. He explained that my husband was horrible even back when he was a brother and used every special occasion to humiliate Frank.

[00:03:11] When it was Frank's birthday, my husband would throw his cake at him and break his presents.

[00:03:16] But back then, their parents always brushed it off by saying that's just how brothers behave.

[00:03:20] So he had to endure every humiliation.

[00:03:24] But when he saw my husband bury my face in the cake, he was fed up because he realized that my husband was just a bad person who got his satisfaction from humiliating others.

[00:03:33] I asked Frank if he thought it would be an exaggeration if I separated from my husband and he said no.

[00:03:40] Because according to him, I deserved better and he didn't care how his brother felt about it because he had brought it on himself.

[00:03:47] Then he told me that if I needed help collecting my things, he would help me and gave me his number.

[00:03:52] And I decided to separate from him and file for divorce and inform Jake and my family about it.

[00:03:58] Jake just told me not to do that because it was just a harmless prank.

[00:04:02] I was spammed by both his family and mine that it would be ridiculous to end our marriage over this.

[00:04:07] But I see it differently.

[00:04:09] If he does something like this to me despite multiple requests not to do it, even after promising he wouldn't do it, then I can't trust him.

[00:04:17] No matter what he promises me, I have to assume that the opposite can and will happen.

[00:04:22] And that he doesn't care how I feel about his decisions.

[00:04:43] I feel in some ways that this is a pretty simple one in that you told him time and time again.

[00:04:50] That you told him that if you do this, the relationship is over.

[00:04:55] And he chose to do it.

[00:04:57] The biggest thing in a relationship is trust.

[00:05:00] He destroyed that by what he did.

[00:05:03] But Vegetable Cod says,

[00:05:05] OP, I'm sorry this has happened but so proud of you.

[00:05:08] He warned him multiple times and he felt it was more important to get last than be a trustworthy partner.

[00:05:14] I don't know why people think humiliation is a prank.

[00:05:17] If you have to explain that it was a joke, it's not funny.

[00:05:21] Best of luck.

[00:05:22] Yes, let Frank know he's a good man and we appreciate him having your back.

[00:05:27] 101010Tree says,

[00:05:28] He lied and was disrespectful.

[00:05:30] Obviously not the things you want in a marriage.

[00:05:33] Divorcing him will now save you from dealing with more boundaries being broken and the heartache.

[00:05:38] You deserve better.

[00:05:40] Another commenter says,

[00:05:42] You told him what the consequences would be.

[00:05:44] Now he gets to live without choice.

[00:05:46] I don't think you have to divorce.

[00:05:47] If you don't file the marriage certificate within a certain amount of time,

[00:05:50] you aren't legally married.

[00:05:52] Just make sure he doesn't file it on your behalf.

[00:05:56] Susie says,

[00:05:57] I'm in the UK and don't think we do the smash the cake in the face prank here.

[00:06:01] If we do, it's a new thing that's come over from the US.

[00:06:05] I'm certainly not aware of anyone I know going to such a wedding.

[00:06:08] It's beyond me why anyone thinks it's funny.

[00:06:11] I think it's very cruel, rude and a waste of a lot of money when you factor in the cost of cake, clothing, hair, makeup, etc.

[00:06:18] I'd divorce him too.

[00:06:21] Oh, I just had a little flashback of a video I saw online once of there's this couple that just got married.

[00:06:26] They're just cutting their cake at the front of everyone, you know, tables all around.

[00:06:30] Everyone's watching, taking photos and stuff.

[00:06:32] And then this guy who's absolutely pissed up, drunk, comes up and he just like grabs a big chunk of the cake and starts trying to,

[00:06:39] I can't remember if he's trying to shove it in their face or chuck it at them.

[00:06:42] And the groom's just like, what the hell?

[00:06:43] And then floors him.

[00:06:44] It's like, it's a wild one.

[00:06:46] But OP did update their post and said, many of you asked for an update.

[00:06:50] So here it is.

[00:06:51] Read the original post if you haven't already done that.

[00:06:54] Many of you pointed out that I could get an annulment.

[00:06:57] Don't ask me why I didn't think of this earlier.

[00:06:59] But after you guys pointed it out, I planned on doing that.

[00:07:02] Haven't done it yet, but it will happen in the next few weeks.

[00:07:05] It'll probably be much more easier than a divorce.

[00:07:08] With that being said, what happened now?

[00:07:11] So a day after I wrote the original post, I went to Jake's apartment to get my stuff.

[00:07:16] I slept over at Best Friend's house in the meanwhile.

[00:07:19] Of course, I also took up Frank's offer to help me getting my stuff.

[00:07:22] When we arrived there, he pleaded with me that it was just a prank and he didn't mean to hurt me.

[00:07:27] The only thing I could think about is how he broke my trust before.

[00:07:31] And how I couldn't trust him now if he told me he didn't mean to hurt me.

[00:07:35] When he saw Frank, his face turned red and he yelled at Frank and accused him of poisoning me against him.

[00:07:41] Don't worry Jake, you did this yourself.

[00:07:44] He argued with Frank for a while and Frank confronted him with everything he did to him during his childhood.

[00:07:49] He told Frank to grow a pair and he should forget about what happened back then.

[00:07:53] Ironic when he's the one who never changed and it's just as bad as before.

[00:07:57] He constantly tried to talk to me but Frank stood in his way and talked over him.

[00:08:02] When we left, I saw how he angrily smashed the door.

[00:08:06] Apparently, he's now spreading lies to his family that Frank tried to steal me from him.

[00:08:10] Luckily, I was able to see who he really was before it was too late.

[00:08:14] What a coincidence that after this incident, my family spammed me with messages as well about

[00:08:20] how we should talk to a therapist instead of breaking up over this.

[00:08:23] They only stopped when I threatened them to cut them off too.

[00:08:26] I also didn't plan to share this with you but so many people suggested it that I thought I could at least ask him

[00:08:31] so after we got my stuff, I asked Frank out.

[00:08:35] But he rejected me telling me that he's already dating someone else.

[00:08:38] I just wanted to tell you this so you can stop asking.

[00:08:41] But honestly, I'm also kind of glad this was his answer because it means

[00:08:45] he didn't just help me because there was a malicious intent behind it

[00:08:48] but more because he's simply a good person.

[00:08:51] Regardless, I told him about my post here and Frank told me he read many of your comments.

[00:08:56] He said he liked your comments and that you made his day.

[00:08:58] I thought you might want to know this.

[00:09:00] This is probably the first and last update of this.

[00:09:03] I just want to get this behind me and look forward.

[00:09:06] But thank you for all your support.

[00:09:09] Edit

[00:09:09] If you want to call my story fake because I asked Frank out, feel free.

[00:09:13] I just acted on what many of you asked me to do

[00:09:16] and I thought to myself that asking him once doesn't hurt anyone

[00:09:19] and maybe led to a much healthier relationship if he said yes.

[00:09:22] I am not in the best state of mind and will now leave this account.

[00:09:27] So don't be surprised if I don't respond anymore.

[00:09:29] My story will stay here and hopefully raise awareness for many people

[00:09:33] who are in similar situations with toxic partners.

[00:09:35] No matter if they're male or female, I wish you all the best.

[00:09:40] And there was a lot of people questioning Opie on asking Frank out

[00:09:45] so soon after what just happened.

[00:09:48] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:09:52] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:09:55] Let's move on to another story.

[00:09:59] And our next story comes from the entitled People subreddit

[00:10:02] with a bit of work-related stuff going on from TGMarie137

[00:10:07] does come with an update as well and says

[00:10:09] Customer demands my personal cell number

[00:10:11] and blames me for him losing his job.

[00:10:14] I work as a claims adjuster for auto accidents.

[00:10:18] A customer filed a claim after hours

[00:10:19] and I follow up with him first thing this morning.

[00:10:22] I have no info on the vehicle other than what he reported.

[00:10:26] And I inform him there is a possibility of it being a total loss.

[00:10:30] He immediately jumps down my throat and tells me

[00:10:32] he doesn't want his car to be a total loss.

[00:10:35] And he doesn't want me to have it moved to another location

[00:10:37] for an in-person inspection.

[00:10:39] I start to discuss an alternative with him

[00:10:42] when he starts cursing at me and berating me

[00:10:44] constantly interrupting me telling me just to pay the claim.

[00:10:48] If it were that easy of a job, I'd be paid less

[00:10:50] and my job would be a hell of a lot easier.

[00:10:54] I explain that per his insurance agreement,

[00:10:56] we have to inspect the vehicle

[00:10:57] before I can make a payment for his claim.

[00:10:59] And we need to see if it is going to be

[00:11:01] a total loss or a parable.

[00:11:03] He continues to be an arse.

[00:11:05] So I inform him that I will disconnect the call

[00:11:07] and try talking to him again

[00:11:09] when he has regained his composure.

[00:11:12] I hang up and go into a meeting

[00:11:14] and he proceeds to call our customer service line

[00:11:17] over and over and over.

[00:11:19] He harassed a total of four women

[00:11:21] and refused to end the call until I accepted his call.

[00:11:25] I explained I was in a meeting

[00:11:26] and wouldn't be out for at least another 30 minutes or so.

[00:11:29] He continued to stay on the line with them

[00:11:31] for a few more minutes

[00:11:32] before hanging up and calling customer service again.

[00:11:36] I finally have a chance to call him back

[00:11:38] and I explain that we can try to work with his shop

[00:11:40] in having them submit photos

[00:11:42] so we can do a preliminary check

[00:11:44] to at least see if the car is a total loss or not.

[00:11:47] He tells me he sent me photos from the night before.

[00:11:50] I explained that there were no attachments

[00:11:52] to the emails he sent me

[00:11:53] and that we need very specific photos

[00:11:55] to have the most accurate review.

[00:11:57] He proceeds to tell me it's my job

[00:11:59] to call the shop and request them

[00:12:00] which is what I told him at the start of the call anyway.

[00:12:04] He then demands my cell phone number.

[00:12:06] I explained that I don't have a work cell phone.

[00:12:09] He states he wants my cell phone number

[00:12:11] to be able to reach me over the weekend.

[00:12:13] I informed him I will not be providing that info to him.

[00:12:16] He demanded a few more times before stating

[00:12:19] he wanted to talk with my supervisor.

[00:12:21] I stated she was already informed of the situation

[00:12:24] and would be reaching out to him when she is able to.

[00:12:27] I'm not allowed to give out her contact info.

[00:12:30] He tells me that I need to have her call him immediately.

[00:12:33] I remind him that she is my supervisor

[00:12:35] and I cannot dictate her schedule.

[00:12:38] He proceeds to try and keep me on the phone

[00:12:40] until his demands are met.

[00:12:42] I inform him that I'm going to disconnect the call

[00:12:44] if there is nothing further to discuss

[00:12:46] and he ends the call.

[00:12:49] I called the shop and they also gave me attitude

[00:12:52] stating that I was keeping a good man from his job

[00:12:55] and that I shouldn't be wasting his time like this.

[00:12:57] I asked if they could email the photos to me

[00:13:00] just so that I can get it done

[00:13:01] and they say they will.

[00:13:03] I have an uncommon last name

[00:13:04] so I made sure to spell it out for them multiple times

[00:13:07] since it is part of my email address.

[00:13:10] So hours before I leave for the day

[00:13:11] I still don't have the photos.

[00:13:13] I text the customer and let him know

[00:13:15] and he told me that he would call them.

[00:13:17] Five minutes before I'm supposed to leave

[00:13:19] I call the shop again

[00:13:20] and don't get an answer

[00:13:21] or option to leave a message.

[00:13:22] I text the customer and let him know

[00:13:24] that photos aren't received yet

[00:13:26] and we won't be able to move forward on his claim

[00:13:28] until Monday.

[00:13:29] He starts blaming me

[00:13:31] for working in a different time zone

[00:13:32] stating it isn't fair

[00:13:34] that I work three hours ahead of him.

[00:13:36] I explain that I don't work three hours ahead of him

[00:13:38] I'm just one hour ahead

[00:13:40] and the shop had all day

[00:13:41] to send me the photos needed.

[00:13:43] He now states that

[00:13:44] since he doesn't have a rental

[00:13:46] didn't purchase the coverage

[00:13:47] he's going to be fired on Monday

[00:13:49] and it's all my fault.

[00:13:51] I offer to set him up with a discounted rental

[00:13:53] and he tells me

[00:13:54] he doesn't have a rental company in his area

[00:13:56] but it's still my fault for him losing his job.

[00:13:59] Goodness gracious.

[00:14:01] I'm so sorry to hear that.

[00:14:03] You mean to tell me your employer is so heartless

[00:14:05] as to fire you for missing a workday unexpectedly

[00:14:07] when it's your first occurrence or infraction with them.

[00:14:11] You may want to contact your State Department of Labor then.

[00:14:14] He tells me

[00:14:15] I should just pay the claim

[00:14:17] and I'm holding up his claim

[00:14:18] for no reason

[00:14:19] to make life difficult for him.

[00:14:21] I would wonder what he thinks

[00:14:22] happens to adjusters

[00:14:23] who don't follow due diligence on a claim

[00:14:25] and just pay it.

[00:14:27] We don't get cookies

[00:14:27] that's for sure.

[00:14:29] In fact

[00:14:30] we face termination with our employer

[00:14:32] fines with a state the claim was handled in

[00:14:34] and possible jail time.

[00:14:36] Oh yeah

[00:14:37] and our employer can sue us

[00:14:38] for the money we pay to the customer

[00:14:40] without authorization.

[00:14:41] If the customer knowingly

[00:14:42] cashes the check

[00:14:43] when they know their claim

[00:14:44] wasn't supposed to be paid out

[00:14:46] they get reported

[00:14:47] to the federal government

[00:14:48] for insurance fraud

[00:14:49] and sued by the insurance company

[00:14:51] for repayment of the claim.

[00:14:53] I guess I'll see

[00:14:54] what he has to say on Monday.

[00:14:55] My supervisor

[00:14:56] has been reading my notes

[00:14:57] and keeping up to date

[00:14:58] with the claim

[00:14:58] and she is going to have

[00:14:59] a very fun conversation with him

[00:15:01] especially when all the calls

[00:15:03] exhibiting his bad behavior

[00:15:04] were recorded.

[00:15:06] ETA

[00:15:06] this is a single vehicle accident

[00:15:08] where the customer

[00:15:09] hit a large object in the road

[00:15:11] that he absolutely should have seen.

[00:15:12] I won't state the specifics

[00:15:14] in case he's a Redditor.

[00:15:15] He did not file a police report

[00:15:17] and he wanted to send me photos

[00:15:19] from the scene of the accident

[00:15:20] which took place at night

[00:15:21] and became more irate

[00:15:22] when I stated

[00:15:23] I needed a VIN photo

[00:15:25] from the sticker

[00:15:25] inside his driver's side door.

[00:15:28] Update

[00:15:28] not too much going on

[00:15:30] which is

[00:15:30] unexpected.

[00:15:32] It's been radio silence

[00:15:33] from the customer

[00:15:34] and I don't trust it.

[00:15:35] I'm expecting

[00:15:36] a full blow up.

[00:15:38] My supervisor

[00:15:39] called him

[00:15:39] and left a message yesterday

[00:15:40] but he hasn't called her back either.

[00:15:43] She informed me

[00:15:43] that I have her encouragement

[00:15:45] to put him on

[00:15:45] written only communication

[00:15:47] and I don't have to answer

[00:15:48] his calls anymore.

[00:15:49] She also stated

[00:15:50] that if he threatens me

[00:15:51] which I'm not sure

[00:15:52] if he will or not

[00:15:53] she will get our security team involved

[00:15:55] and I can press charges

[00:15:56] against him

[00:15:57] with his local police

[00:15:58] as these are recorded calls.

[00:16:00] I called the shop today

[00:16:01] and spoke with the owner.

[00:16:03] I explained how

[00:16:04] the rep I spoke with on Friday

[00:16:05] acted very unprofessionally

[00:16:07] and he informed me

[00:16:08] that the customer

[00:16:08] had apparently been calling her

[00:16:10] non-stop on Friday

[00:16:10] and harassing her as well

[00:16:12] because she somehow

[00:16:13] thought it was a good idea

[00:16:14] to give him her cell phone number

[00:16:16] when he demanded it.

[00:16:17] The owner is an old friend

[00:16:18] of the customer.

[00:16:20] You will call it.

[00:16:21] But he provided this info

[00:16:23] very freely

[00:16:23] and stated that

[00:16:24] after this repair

[00:16:25] they aren't friends anymore

[00:16:26] and he will blacklist him

[00:16:28] as the rep I spoke with

[00:16:29] is his niece.

[00:16:30] I got the photos

[00:16:32] and there were several

[00:16:32] very thorough photos.

[00:16:34] It is pretty minor damage

[00:16:36] and it is clear

[00:16:36] that he ran into something

[00:16:37] on the road.

[00:16:38] I can't give specifics

[00:16:39] but it was a metal object

[00:16:40] that happened to be laying

[00:16:42] in the road

[00:16:42] that got wedged

[00:16:43] in the undercarriage.

[00:16:44] It had to pull

[00:16:45] really hard to get it unstuck

[00:16:46] and the shop sent me a photo

[00:16:48] of the very warped item

[00:16:49] as well.

[00:16:50] Redditor Sleuths

[00:16:51] also called

[00:16:52] that he has a huge

[00:16:53] custom item

[00:16:53] that was not on the policy.

[00:16:55] It's a bed cover

[00:16:56] for his truck

[00:16:57] but there was no damage to it

[00:16:59] and even if there was

[00:17:00] we wouldn't cover it

[00:17:01] if he didn't have endorsement

[00:17:03] for the custom equipment.

[00:17:04] I ran this

[00:17:06] SIU

[00:17:06] special investigations unit

[00:17:08] and while they agreed

[00:17:09] that the customer

[00:17:10] was acting shady as hell

[00:17:11] they didn't have enough info

[00:17:12] to start an investigation

[00:17:13] and they stated that

[00:17:15] since it is a single car accident

[00:17:17] we would still be obligated

[00:17:18] to cover his repairs

[00:17:19] even if he was lying.

[00:17:21] There are several states

[00:17:22] where we can deny a claim

[00:17:23] if the customer lies

[00:17:24] about how the accident happened

[00:17:25] but sadly

[00:17:26] this is not one of those states.

[00:17:28] I've texted the customer

[00:17:30] to let him know

[00:17:30] I got photos

[00:17:31] and that I was in contact

[00:17:32] with the shop

[00:17:33] but he hasn't responded

[00:17:34] in its radio silence.

[00:17:36] Either he's really embarrassed

[00:17:37] about his actions

[00:17:38] as he rightly should be

[00:17:39] or he's a ticking time bomb

[00:17:41] that's going to explode

[00:17:42] near the end of the week

[00:17:43] when I'm at my busiest

[00:17:44] just to tell me in detail

[00:17:45] how I made him lose his job.

[00:17:47] We shall see.

[00:17:48] This will probably be

[00:17:49] the last update

[00:17:50] but if anything else happens

[00:17:51] I'll be sure to let you know.

[00:17:53] I truly appreciate the support

[00:17:55] and collective

[00:17:55] what the fuck from everyone

[00:17:57] as it confirms

[00:17:58] I'm not just being crazy

[00:17:59] or sensitive.

[00:18:00] The one poster who told me

[00:18:01] that it's my job

[00:18:02] to handle this sort of thing

[00:18:03] I've been trained for it.

[00:18:05] One,

[00:18:05] I've never been trained

[00:18:06] for this level of crazy

[00:18:07] and I challenge you

[00:18:08] to find anyone

[00:18:09] short of an orderly

[00:18:11] and a psych ward

[00:18:12] to be trained for it

[00:18:13] and two,

[00:18:13] it is my job

[00:18:14] to get cars fixed

[00:18:15] not to deal with harassment

[00:18:16] and bad behavior.

[00:18:18] Let this be a reminder

[00:18:19] to everyone

[00:18:20] to be kind to others

[00:18:21] especially the disembodied voices

[00:18:23] on your phone

[00:18:24] providing a service to you.

[00:18:26] And we do have

[00:18:28] another update to this

[00:18:29] and I always think

[00:18:31] like OP talking

[00:18:32] at the end there

[00:18:32] about you know

[00:18:33] talking to someone

[00:18:34] on the phone

[00:18:34] etc etc

[00:18:35] and no matter what

[00:18:37] if you're frustrated

[00:18:39] on the phone

[00:18:40] I always make it a point

[00:18:41] so this is just coming

[00:18:42] from my point of view

[00:18:43] because I've certainly

[00:18:44] faced frustration

[00:18:46] on the phone

[00:18:48] with certain

[00:18:49] places before

[00:18:50] you know

[00:18:51] when you're getting

[00:18:52] passed from

[00:18:53] customer service

[00:18:54] to customer service

[00:18:55] it can be

[00:18:56] extremely frustrating.

[00:18:57] I always make

[00:18:58] a huge point though

[00:18:59] of being up front

[00:19:00] with people

[00:19:00] and saying look

[00:19:01] I'll start off

[00:19:02] just by telling you

[00:19:03] that I'm incredibly

[00:19:03] frustrated right now

[00:19:05] I'm not frustrated

[00:19:06] at you however

[00:19:07] so please do not

[00:19:08] take this personally.

[00:19:09] I can remember myself

[00:19:10] saying that a lot

[00:19:11] when I was trying

[00:19:12] to help deal

[00:19:13] with my dad's illness

[00:19:14] and was calling around

[00:19:14] the hospital

[00:19:15] getting passed

[00:19:16] from department

[00:19:16] to department

[00:19:17] trying to get

[00:19:18] certain medications

[00:19:19] for him

[00:19:19] and it you know

[00:19:20] you spend hours

[00:19:21] in a day

[00:19:22] trying to get

[00:19:23] through to certain

[00:19:24] people

[00:19:24] incredibly frustrating

[00:19:26] and I find

[00:19:27] most of the time

[00:19:27] you know

[00:19:28] if you come

[00:19:29] at people

[00:19:29] with that sort

[00:19:30] of attitude

[00:19:30] and you're like

[00:19:31] you're just saying

[00:19:32] like I understand

[00:19:34] that it's not

[00:19:35] you personally

[00:19:36] they're a lot

[00:19:37] more receptive.

[00:19:41] OP's update

[00:19:42] says I appreciate

[00:19:42] all the support

[00:19:43] I've received

[00:19:44] so far

[00:19:44] and I did get

[00:19:45] a few messages

[00:19:46] requesting an update

[00:19:47] as I expected

[00:19:48] the quiet

[00:19:49] didn't last long

[00:19:50] and the customer

[00:19:50] was indeed

[00:19:51] a ticking time bomb.

[00:19:53] The shop got me

[00:19:53] the info I needed

[00:19:54] to complete an estimate

[00:19:55] for repairs

[00:19:56] and the owner

[00:19:57] explained that he

[00:19:57] expects he

[00:19:58] most likely

[00:19:59] will find additional

[00:20:00] damages

[00:20:00] that he will

[00:20:01] contact me for

[00:20:02] once he knows.

[00:20:03] He again apologized

[00:20:04] for his niece's behavior

[00:20:05] when I called

[00:20:05] the shop the first

[00:20:06] time and stated

[00:20:07] he's no longer

[00:20:08] friends with a customer.

[00:20:10] Special investigations

[00:20:11] unit did review

[00:20:12] the claim and

[00:20:12] stated that there

[00:20:13] wasn't enough

[00:20:14] evidence of fraud

[00:20:15] so no dice.

[00:20:17] I text the customer

[00:20:18] to see if he wanted

[00:20:18] me to issue payment

[00:20:19] to him or the shop

[00:20:21] directly.

[00:20:22] He immediately

[00:20:22] demanded I call him

[00:20:24] as he didn't agree

[00:20:25] to the estimate

[00:20:25] amount.

[00:20:26] A bit of info

[00:20:27] on how auto claims

[00:20:28] process works for payment.

[00:20:30] One insurance company

[00:20:31] creates an initial

[00:20:32] estimate based on

[00:20:33] what they can see

[00:20:34] of the damages.

[00:20:35] Two insurance pays

[00:20:36] an initial amount

[00:20:37] to get the ball rolling.

[00:20:39] Three the shop

[00:20:40] and insurance

[00:20:40] stay in contact

[00:20:41] so that additional

[00:20:41] payment can be issued

[00:20:42] as needed through

[00:20:43] the process

[00:20:44] as the shop finds

[00:20:45] additional and

[00:20:46] internal damages

[00:20:47] that might not have

[00:20:48] been super apparent

[00:20:49] initially.

[00:20:50] Sounds simple

[00:20:50] enough right?

[00:20:51] Knots for the

[00:20:53] customer.

[00:20:53] He starts talking

[00:20:54] about how the

[00:20:55] estimate from the

[00:20:56] shop is 7k

[00:20:57] and we are paying

[00:20:58] 6.5k.

[00:21:00] I let him know

[00:21:01] that we're happy

[00:21:01] to work with the

[00:21:02] shop to issue

[00:21:03] further payment

[00:21:03] as needed

[00:21:04] and explain that

[00:21:05] shop estimates

[00:21:05] are based on

[00:21:06] what they expect

[00:21:07] to see for the

[00:21:08] full repairs

[00:21:09] and insurance

[00:21:09] pays what they

[00:21:10] can see and

[00:21:11] confirm.

[00:21:12] Not to mention

[00:21:13] to keep insurance

[00:21:13] prices down for

[00:21:14] our customers

[00:21:15] we try to

[00:21:16] negotiate costs

[00:21:16] with the shop

[00:21:17] to ensure

[00:21:17] that what we

[00:21:18] pay is reasonable.

[00:21:19] Before I can

[00:21:20] get two words

[00:21:20] out he interrupts

[00:21:21] me and starts

[00:21:22] yelling

[00:21:22] saying how I

[00:21:23] lost his job

[00:21:24] and I'm now

[00:21:25] denying his

[00:21:25] claim since I'm

[00:21:26] refusing to pay

[00:21:27] the amount

[00:21:27] the shop demands.

[00:21:29] I explain again

[00:21:29] that we aren't

[00:21:30] denying the

[00:21:31] claim but this

[00:21:32] is the first

[00:21:32] of multiple

[00:21:33] payments we'll

[00:21:33] be issuing and I

[00:21:35] need to know

[00:21:35] where to send

[00:21:36] the payment.

[00:21:37] I tell him that

[00:21:37] if he keeps

[00:21:38] talking to me

[00:21:39] like that I

[00:21:39] will end the

[00:21:40] call.

[00:21:41] His response

[00:21:41] of course you

[00:21:42] will.

[00:21:43] No self-awareness

[00:21:44] or apology.

[00:21:46] Acting like a

[00:21:46] toddler when he's

[00:21:47] nearly 40.

[00:21:48] I continue trying

[00:21:49] to explain but he

[00:21:50] decides to keep

[00:21:51] talking over me

[00:21:52] and yelling at me.

[00:21:53] He starts to say

[00:21:54] shit about me as a

[00:21:55] person and my

[00:21:55] family and I

[00:21:56] interrupt and state

[00:21:57] you want to

[00:21:58] finish that

[00:21:58] sentence for this

[00:21:59] recorded line for

[00:22:01] who knows how many

[00:22:01] people to hear.

[00:22:03] He stops,

[00:22:03] thinks and then

[00:22:04] tells me that he

[00:22:05] hopes my husband

[00:22:05] sexually assaults me

[00:22:07] and leaves me.

[00:22:08] I recently got

[00:22:09] married and IT is

[00:22:11] in the process of

[00:22:11] changing my name in

[00:22:12] the system.

[00:22:13] So some of my

[00:22:14] systems show my

[00:22:15] new name and some

[00:22:16] show my maiden

[00:22:17] name.

[00:22:17] It causes a lot of

[00:22:18] confusion and so I

[00:22:20] have to explain it a

[00:22:21] lot while waiting for

[00:22:22] the updates.

[00:22:23] I had to explain it to

[00:22:24] this customer as

[00:22:25] well.

[00:22:25] So he knew full

[00:22:26] well he was saying

[00:22:28] this to a newlywed.

[00:22:29] I'll admit I kind of

[00:22:31] snapped a bit and

[00:22:32] left my tour guide

[00:22:33] Barbie voice behind

[00:22:34] real quick.

[00:22:35] I said sir during this

[00:22:36] entire claims process

[00:22:37] your own attitude has

[00:22:39] gone in the way of

[00:22:39] your repairs.

[00:22:40] The way you have

[00:22:41] acted to me, my

[00:22:42] co-workers and the

[00:22:43] employees at the

[00:22:43] shop is absolutely

[00:22:45] deplorable and you

[00:22:46] should be ashamed.

[00:22:47] You haven't said a

[00:22:48] kind word to me at

[00:22:49] all and you've been a

[00:22:50] nightmare to work

[00:22:51] with.

[00:22:51] Now you say awful

[00:22:52] things about my

[00:22:53] personal life that I

[00:22:54] explained on Friday

[00:22:55] was absolutely none of

[00:22:56] your business when

[00:22:57] you demanded my

[00:22:58] cell phone number and

[00:22:59] now you insult my

[00:23:00] husband whom you've

[00:23:01] never talked to and

[00:23:02] know nothing about.

[00:23:03] My husband is 10

[00:23:04] times the man you

[00:23:05] will ever be while

[00:23:06] being nearly half your

[00:23:07] age and he knows how

[00:23:08] to treat people with

[00:23:09] respect even if he

[00:23:10] is in a stressful or

[00:23:11] difficult situation.

[00:23:13] I feel awful for your

[00:23:14] wife if this is the

[00:23:15] type of man she has to

[00:23:16] deal with at home.

[00:23:17] At least my husband

[00:23:18] doesn't have to force

[00:23:19] me to have sex with

[00:23:20] him but it's telling

[00:23:21] that is where your

[00:23:21] mind went to.

[00:23:22] Maybe you should

[00:23:23] mind your own home

[00:23:24] before you stick your

[00:23:24] nose in someone else's.

[00:23:26] He threw a few more

[00:23:27] expletives at me but I

[00:23:29] ended the call because I

[00:23:30] just don't get paid

[00:23:30] enough.

[00:23:31] He again called my

[00:23:32] customer service team and

[00:23:34] made the poor woman cry.

[00:23:35] I took the call again and

[00:23:36] explained to him that he

[00:23:37] was now on written

[00:23:38] communication with me.

[00:23:39] He should call the

[00:23:40] customer service center but

[00:23:41] I would never answer his

[00:23:43] calls again and I will

[00:23:44] only respond to his

[00:23:45] emails or text messages.

[00:23:46] I then disconnected the

[00:23:48] line again.

[00:23:49] I thought that was the end

[00:23:50] of it but turns out he

[00:23:51] said I have my

[00:23:52] supervisor's contact

[00:23:53] info from when she

[00:23:54] called on Monday so he

[00:23:55] called her up.

[00:23:56] She called me after she

[00:23:58] finished on the phone with

[00:23:58] him and she gave me a

[00:24:00] summary.

[00:24:00] He apparently told her

[00:24:02] that I accused him of a

[00:24:03] sexual assault to his

[00:24:04] wife after he questioned

[00:24:05] the estimate that I

[00:24:06] wrote.

[00:24:06] I don't write estimates

[00:24:08] that's our whole other

[00:24:09] department.

[00:24:10] He was trying to find out

[00:24:11] next steps when I ended

[00:24:12] this call.

[00:24:13] She had listened to his

[00:24:14] prior call.

[00:24:15] She didn't believe it for a

[00:24:16] second.

[00:24:16] She put him on hold while

[00:24:17] she pulled the call and

[00:24:18] listened.

[00:24:19] She then tore him a

[00:24:20] new arsehole for what he

[00:24:21] said to me.

[00:24:22] He tried to say that I

[00:24:23] was worse but she cut him

[00:24:25] off and explained that I am

[00:24:26] one of the adjusters in my

[00:24:27] unit with the highest

[00:24:28] metrics from customer

[00:24:29] reviews.

[00:24:30] I've had my fair share of

[00:24:31] angry customers and it

[00:24:32] takes a lot to make me

[00:24:33] snap.

[00:24:34] But she stated that his

[00:24:35] conduct had pushed me to

[00:24:36] the point of snapping which

[00:24:38] she has never seen.

[00:24:39] She proceeded to tell him

[00:24:40] that she has enforced my

[00:24:41] ridden contact only rule

[00:24:43] with him as she had

[00:24:44] previously encouraged I

[00:24:45] do that with him anyway.

[00:24:46] And she stated that if she

[00:24:47] hears one more call where

[00:24:48] is harassing an employee

[00:24:49] she will talk with her

[00:24:50] supervisor to press charges

[00:24:52] for harassment.

[00:24:53] Unfortunately we can't

[00:24:54] fire him as a customer

[00:24:55] because he still pays us

[00:24:56] money.

[00:24:57] And that the executives

[00:24:58] don't care how we are

[00:24:59] treated as long as we get

[00:25:00] more money.

[00:25:01] I hope this spurs him to

[00:25:02] cancel his policy and

[00:25:03] become someone else's

[00:25:04] problem.

[00:25:05] I asked if there'd be any

[00:25:07] disciplinary action against

[00:25:08] me for the call.

[00:25:09] She said call?

[00:25:10] What call?

[00:25:11] I don't see any call.

[00:25:13] And I definitely wouldn't

[00:25:14] have been able to delete it

[00:25:15] if the call wasn't recorded.

[00:25:16] Basically covering my ass if

[00:25:18] the customer tries to

[00:25:19] escalate above her to a

[00:25:20] supervisor or something.

[00:25:22] I sent a copy of the

[00:25:23] estimate to the shop and

[00:25:24] gave them instructions on

[00:25:25] how they could request more

[00:25:26] payment from us.

[00:25:27] And the customer text to

[00:25:29] tell me to send payment to

[00:25:30] them as well.

[00:25:31] After our call he called the

[00:25:33] shop and apparently they had

[00:25:34] a massive fight because the

[00:25:35] customer then text me and

[00:25:37] said send payment to me.

[00:25:39] The shop just pissed me

[00:25:40] off big time.

[00:25:41] So I sent the payment to him.

[00:25:43] With his lien holder

[00:25:44] included so he has to mail the

[00:25:46] check to them to endorse and

[00:25:47] cash before they send him a

[00:25:49] new check.

[00:25:50] Of course it won't be

[00:25:51] overnighted but by standard

[00:25:53] USPS mail both ways.

[00:25:55] I got him to close the claim

[00:25:56] but I still don't think this

[00:25:57] is the last I'll be hearing

[00:25:58] from this guy.

[00:25:59] I provide more updates as

[00:26:01] they come but thankfully I

[00:26:03] don't have to talk to him

[00:26:04] again.

[00:26:04] Thanks again for all the

[00:26:05] support on this.

[00:26:06] It's nice to know I'm not

[00:26:07] crazy or expected to be a

[00:26:09] doormat.

[00:26:12] Absolutely fair play to

[00:26:13] anyone that can deal with

[00:26:15] any sort of like customer

[00:26:16] service based role over the

[00:26:17] phone or face to face or

[00:26:19] anything like that man.

[00:26:20] I've never been able.

[00:26:22] I dread the day if I ever

[00:26:24] have to go into a role like

[00:26:26] that you know.

[00:26:27] There is a lot of absolute

[00:26:29] bloody assholes out there

[00:26:30] isn't there.

[00:26:31] One of my previous jobs from

[00:26:33] some years back now when I

[00:26:35] worked in the warehouse and

[00:26:36] I told you that I had to sit

[00:26:38] in on the customer service

[00:26:40] part.

[00:26:40] I didn't have to do

[00:26:41] anything.

[00:26:41] I just had to listen into

[00:26:42] their phone calls and see

[00:26:43] what was the whole process

[00:26:45] basically and you basically

[00:26:46] rotated around the company

[00:26:48] so you got a little bit of

[00:26:49] everyone's job so you

[00:26:50] understood what was going on

[00:26:51] within the business.

[00:26:52] That was the same job where

[00:26:54] I told you about like the

[00:26:54] whip in the sofa and that

[00:26:56] kind of thing but listening

[00:26:57] to some of those phone calls

[00:26:58] and how rude some people can

[00:27:00] be is just absolutely

[00:27:02] mind-blowing.

[00:27:03] I know people can be

[00:27:04] stressed out you know when

[00:27:06] like in that particular job

[00:27:07] your sofa's got damaged

[00:27:08] something's got damaged you

[00:27:10] know.

[00:27:10] It can be a stressful

[00:27:11] situation but to treat

[00:27:13] someone else another human

[00:27:15] like absolute shit when

[00:27:16] they're trying to help you

[00:27:17] these people were kind and

[00:27:18] like the phone calls that I

[00:27:20] listen to these people were

[00:27:21] absolutely spot on lovely

[00:27:23] people just trying to do

[00:27:24] their best not trying to get

[00:27:26] out of you know the insurance

[00:27:28] claim or whatever but we're

[00:27:29] trying to help them in the

[00:27:30] best way possible and you hear

[00:27:32] some of the phone calls and some

[00:27:33] of the replies like just

[00:27:34] fucking fix it kind of thing

[00:27:36] and you think gee whiz.

[00:27:38] Anyway.

[00:27:39] What do you guys make of this

[00:27:42] situation?

[00:27:43] Have you ever been in a

[00:27:44] customer facing role like

[00:27:45] that?

[00:27:46] How and face the customer

[00:27:47] it was particularly bad to

[00:27:49] deal with?

[00:27:50] Let us know your thoughts

[00:27:51] down in the comments below.

[00:27:53] And our next story comes from

[00:27:57] MajorContact4009 and says

[00:27:58] am I the arsehole here for

[00:27:59] marrying my sister's ex?

[00:28:02] Me 27 female and my sister

[00:28:05] 29 female have been fighting

[00:28:07] recently for something that I

[00:28:08] thought got resolved a long

[00:28:10] time ago.

[00:28:11] I've debated posting for like a

[00:28:13] week now but figured someone

[00:28:14] not directly involved would be

[00:28:16] good to hear from.

[00:28:17] A couple of months ago I

[00:28:19] married my husband Greg 29 male

[00:28:22] after being together for four

[00:28:23] years.

[00:28:24] We met each other at the same

[00:28:25] office and I developed this

[00:28:27] huge crush on him.

[00:28:28] I was pretty sure he was into

[00:28:30] me too so I decided to bring

[00:28:32] it up to my sister Alicia.

[00:28:34] Alicia and Greg had dated in

[00:28:36] middle school when they were

[00:28:37] both 13ish and because it had

[00:28:39] been so long and at such a young

[00:28:42] age I didn't think there would

[00:28:43] be an issue but I still wanted

[00:28:45] to check.

[00:28:46] I didn't want to accidentally

[00:28:47] start dating some long lost

[00:28:48] love of her life or something so

[00:28:51] I thought I would clear the

[00:28:52] air by asking.

[00:28:53] She seemed a bit surprised

[00:28:55] because I don't think she was

[00:28:56] expecting to hear about her

[00:28:57] middle school ex-boyfriend

[00:28:59] randomly so many years later

[00:29:00] but after we talked for a bit

[00:29:02] she said she didn't really

[00:29:03] care.

[00:29:04] So I thought cool I have the

[00:29:06] go ahead.

[00:29:07] I thanked her and moved on

[00:29:08] with things and a little while

[00:29:09] later me and Greg got together.

[00:29:12] It never seemed to be an issue

[00:29:14] before recently.

[00:29:15] We hit all the milestones and

[00:29:17] she seemed to be happy for us.

[00:29:19] When he met my family again

[00:29:21] they were a bit surprised but

[00:29:23] things were fine.

[00:29:24] My sister was even one of my

[00:29:25] bridesmaids and seemed happy for

[00:29:27] me the entire time.

[00:29:28] Like I haven't really thought of

[00:29:31] them dating in forever because

[00:29:32] it no longer seems relevant.

[00:29:34] I mean she has a husband at this

[00:29:36] point so it doesn't seem like a

[00:29:37] middle school boyfriend would be

[00:29:38] something to dwell on.

[00:29:40] We were with my family this

[00:29:41] Christmas and things were going

[00:29:43] just as fine as they usually are

[00:29:45] until my sister started handing

[00:29:47] out the presents she had gotten.

[00:29:48] Now we don't get each other

[00:29:50] presents every year and people

[00:29:51] in my family typically aren't buying

[00:29:53] special presents for people

[00:29:54] they're not close to.

[00:29:56] So the in-laws don't get screwed

[00:29:57] or anything because they didn't

[00:29:59] buy every individual cousin a gift.

[00:30:01] But during my wedding planning

[00:30:03] she said she wanted to get me

[00:30:04] something special for my first

[00:30:06] Christmas as a married woman.

[00:30:07] So it took me off guard.

[00:30:11] I looked sort of confused for a

[00:30:12] second but I didn't want to be a

[00:30:14] bitch on Christmas so I just

[00:30:16] smiled and watched everyone open

[00:30:17] their gifts.

[00:30:18] Lots of circumstances could cause

[00:30:21] someone to not be able to get a

[00:30:22] gift so it was fine.

[00:30:23] But after she finished handing

[00:30:25] things out she looked at me and

[00:30:27] said I wasn't getting anything

[00:30:28] because I had taken enough.

[00:30:31] I asked her what she meant

[00:30:32] because huh?

[00:30:34] And she said I didn't have to be

[00:30:35] so weird to plot to take Greg

[00:30:38] from her.

[00:30:39] I'll admit I had a crush on him

[00:30:40] when I was 11 but I didn't plan my

[00:30:43] life around dating him one day.

[00:30:45] I grabbed her and pulled him into

[00:30:47] the other room and we started

[00:30:48] yelling at each other.

[00:30:50] I definitely said some nasty

[00:30:51] things because if she had an

[00:30:53] issue why wouldn't she bring that

[00:30:54] up when I directly asked her?

[00:30:56] We both wound up leaving my

[00:30:58] parents house early and her

[00:30:59] husband seemed super pissed.

[00:31:01] My mum texts that she was

[00:31:03] disappointed we fought in

[00:31:04] Christmas which yeah I get but

[00:31:06] it's not like I did it

[00:31:08] intentionally.

[00:31:09] She's telling whatever family

[00:31:10] members will listen about how I

[00:31:12] stole her boyfriend and so they

[00:31:14] are mad at me.

[00:31:15] I don't feel like I could be the

[00:31:16] asshole but I also can't tell.

[00:31:19] Greg's super pissed because she's

[00:31:21] been trying to message him about

[00:31:23] this and he doesn't get why this is

[00:31:25] such an issue.

[00:31:26] I've tried to speak with him a

[00:31:27] couple of times and I brought up

[00:31:28] how I asked her already for

[00:31:29] permission but she says I took her

[00:31:31] off guard.

[00:31:32] So am I the arse of.

[00:31:36] Edits I just finished talking to my

[00:31:38] mum will update either tomorrow or the

[00:31:40] next day.

[00:31:41] I'm so pissed.

[00:31:44] So there were some relevant comments

[00:31:46] as always that Opie responds to.

[00:31:48] Mysterious Wyn says she started dating

[00:31:50] him at the age of 13 right?

[00:31:52] What age did they break up and why?

[00:31:55] Opie says they dated for less than a

[00:31:58] year so they were both probably around

[00:32:00] 14.

[00:32:01] From what they both told me they just

[00:32:02] sort of got bored of the relationship

[00:32:04] and stopped talking as much before

[00:32:05] Greg eventually broke things off.

[00:32:08] So it says not the arse of.

[00:32:10] Oh good god.

[00:32:11] Does sis's husband know that sis is

[00:32:14] mad about this?

[00:32:15] She had no way to know that sis was

[00:32:16] angry.

[00:32:17] I would not want to be in her husband's

[00:32:19] shoes right now.

[00:32:20] Opie says he was there during

[00:32:22] presents so he has to be aware.

[00:32:24] Even though we definitely talk more

[00:32:26] away from everyone.

[00:32:28] She made it pretty clear why she was

[00:32:29] mad.

[00:32:30] Why we were still sitting around.

[00:32:32] Someone asks Opie about the

[00:32:34] sister's marriage and plans and Opie

[00:32:36] says she was 26 when she got married.

[00:32:38] I'd say her wedding was a bit bigger

[00:32:40] because her husband has a wealthy

[00:32:42] family.

[00:32:43] She seemed fine after the wedding and

[00:32:45] there was no drama then.

[00:32:47] At least that I know of.

[00:32:48] I hadn't thought about pregnancy.

[00:32:50] They mentioned trying but we haven't

[00:32:52] heard any big news since.

[00:32:56] Now I found this one a bit of a

[00:32:58] strange one.

[00:32:59] It's got me thinking is there something

[00:33:00] else going on at the same time?

[00:33:03] You know we see strange behavior all

[00:33:05] the time within these stories of

[00:33:06] course and it also got me thinking

[00:33:08] about how her husband's feeling as

[00:33:10] well seeing all this.

[00:33:13] Yeah I'm just wondering what the

[00:33:14] hell else is going on basically.

[00:33:17] Couple of comments.

[00:33:18] First one says wait your sister is

[00:33:19] 29.

[00:33:21] She's accusing you of stealing

[00:33:22] someone she dated briefly at 13.

[00:33:25] Despite the fact that she clearly

[00:33:27] moved on.

[00:33:28] Married someone else and given you the

[00:33:30] go ahead.

[00:33:31] Not the arsehole.

[00:33:32] Your sister however needs therapy.

[00:33:34] Therapy.

[00:33:35] Livid Half says you are definitely

[00:33:37] not the arsehole.

[00:33:38] Even asking if it was okay to start

[00:33:40] dating Greg was kind of over

[00:33:42] cautious.

[00:33:43] But considerate.

[00:33:44] Given they dated when they were

[00:33:46] children and she's married to

[00:33:47] someone else.

[00:33:48] I don't know what your

[00:33:49] relationship is normally like.

[00:33:51] But if this kind of outrageous

[00:33:52] scene is out of character.

[00:33:53] I would try to sit down and get to

[00:33:55] the bottom of what exactly she's

[00:33:56] upset about.

[00:33:58] Problems in her own marriage

[00:33:59] perhaps.

[00:34:01] One more comment from two who says

[00:34:02] not the arsehole.

[00:34:03] Tell her to get a grip of herself

[00:34:05] because whatever is going on with

[00:34:06] her marriage.

[00:34:07] She's making a fucking fool of

[00:34:09] herself.

[00:34:09] And will regret it in the future

[00:34:11] when she's burned your relationship

[00:34:12] and comes seeking support.

[00:34:14] I'm kind of guessing something is

[00:34:16] majorly up with her marriage.

[00:34:17] Either she cheated and is looking

[00:34:18] to pass the blame like she's not

[00:34:20] happy.

[00:34:21] And it would totally have been fine

[00:34:22] if she married Greg.

[00:34:24] But her husband wasn't the one

[00:34:25] so it's not her fault.

[00:34:26] More likely he cheated or something

[00:34:29] so she's pissed about that.

[00:34:31] And looking outside the marriage

[00:34:32] and fixating on the one that

[00:34:33] got away.

[00:34:34] If there is nothing wrong with

[00:34:36] her marriage and she just started

[00:34:37] acting like this.

[00:34:38] She's straight crazy.

[00:34:41] So Opie did update the post and

[00:34:43] says things are pretty tense right

[00:34:45] now in my family.

[00:34:46] But less people are mad at me now.

[00:34:49] A lot of you were correct about the

[00:34:50] marriage issues between my sister

[00:34:52] and her husband.

[00:34:53] The other night my mom invited me

[00:34:54] over to talk about what was

[00:34:56] happening.

[00:34:57] First she apologized for telling

[00:34:58] me she was disappointed.

[00:35:00] Her and my dad were just upset

[00:35:02] that there was drama on Christmas.

[00:35:03] I apologized for picking the fight

[00:35:05] during the gift exchange because

[00:35:07] I know I definitely could have

[00:35:08] waited until later.

[00:35:10] Her and my sister have been

[00:35:11] talking a lot the past couple of

[00:35:12] days.

[00:35:13] I have yet to talk to her in

[00:35:15] person.

[00:35:16] Alicia told my mom that her husband

[00:35:17] Chris had told Alicia that I had

[00:35:20] been flirting with him and I had

[00:35:21] seduced him.

[00:35:23] I would never fucking do that.

[00:35:25] So this was a pretty big shock to

[00:35:27] hear.

[00:35:28] He had never been weird to me so

[00:35:30] I had always been cordial.

[00:35:31] But I am in no way attracted to

[00:35:33] him.

[00:35:34] She had told my mom a couple of

[00:35:35] months back that Chris was

[00:35:36] interested in another woman.

[00:35:38] And never said who.

[00:35:40] She had been going to couples

[00:35:41] counseling to help and Alicia told

[00:35:43] mom it had been helping.

[00:35:45] We're not sure what caused her to

[00:35:46] snap at Christmas specifically.

[00:35:48] Since beforehand she told my mom

[00:35:50] things were getting better.

[00:35:51] My mom had called her the night

[00:35:53] after we fought and that's when

[00:35:55] my sister told her that I was the

[00:35:57] person Chris had been talking

[00:35:58] about.

[00:35:58] I just don't get why he'd pretend

[00:36:00] we'd been flirting or why she'd

[00:36:02] even believe it.

[00:36:04] I've always been open about Greg and

[00:36:06] I can't even think of the last time

[00:36:07] I've spoken to Chris without

[00:36:09] someone else present.

[00:36:10] I guess he wanted to avoid

[00:36:11] responsibility or something but

[00:36:13] he didn't have to make that my

[00:36:15] issue.

[00:36:15] But the stealing comment she made

[00:36:17] towards me was because I guess

[00:36:19] she saw it as once is a coincidence

[00:36:21] two is a pattern and thought I

[00:36:23] was some evil bitch who wanted

[00:36:25] every guy she had.

[00:36:27] When my mom called me over she

[00:36:29] didn't think I was doing anything

[00:36:30] with Chris but she still asked to

[00:36:32] make sure which really hurt to be

[00:36:34] honest.

[00:36:35] It's not like I can prove I'm not

[00:36:36] doing something but she believes me

[00:36:38] at least.

[00:36:39] Since we've talked she's been doing

[00:36:41] damage control on all the

[00:36:42] relatives who my sister was

[00:36:44] telling I was stealing her

[00:36:45] husband.

[00:36:46] This whole thing would have been

[00:36:47] easier if she just talked to me

[00:36:49] about it.

[00:36:50] My mom said she would try to talk

[00:36:51] to Alicia some more to convince

[00:36:53] her I'm not trying to steal her

[00:36:55] husband.

[00:36:56] Greg's pissed.

[00:36:57] He's pissed at my whole family

[00:36:59] pretty much but mostly Alicia and

[00:37:01] Chris.

[00:37:02] She texted Greg yesterday.

[00:37:04] My name only loves you because

[00:37:06] you were mine.

[00:37:07] I fear I guess she doesn't believe

[00:37:08] my mom.

[00:37:09] Blocked her after that.

[00:37:11] I don't know.

[00:37:12] I was hoping the reasoning would

[00:37:14] have been something else.

[00:37:15] I'm not sure what to do.

[00:37:17] I don't know if my relationship

[00:37:18] with her can come back from this

[00:37:20] and I refuse to be anywhere near

[00:37:22] Chris.

[00:37:24] And the top comment on that last

[00:37:26] post pretty much said it's possible

[00:37:28] your brother-in-law cheated and is

[00:37:29] using you as a smoke screen to hide it.

[00:37:31] It is unfortunate your sister chose

[00:37:33] this route but that's on her.

[00:37:35] It is also possible she knows he

[00:37:37] cheated and who with and is also

[00:37:39] using you as a smoke screen.

[00:37:42] Either way none of this is on you.

[00:37:44] Your sister is an adult and is

[00:37:46] capable of communicating like an

[00:37:48] adult and not like she's 14 again.

[00:37:51] And many people saying that it sounds

[00:37:53] like the brother-in-law is already

[00:37:55] cheated and that he's manipulating

[00:37:58] the sister and people are not

[00:38:00] excusing the sister either saying you

[00:38:02] know this is her choice as well.

[00:38:03] Other people saying they'd cut off

[00:38:05] that family completely.

[00:38:07] But what do you guys make of this

[00:38:10] situation?

[00:38:11] How would you deal with it if it was

[00:38:12] you?

[00:38:13] Let us know your thoughts down in the

[00:38:15] comments below.

[00:38:17] And let's move on to another story.

[00:38:21] And our next story comes from the

[00:38:23] am I the asshole here subreddit from

[00:38:27] majorartist340.

[00:38:28] It does come with an update as well

[00:38:30] that says am I the asshole here for

[00:38:32] not offering to pay my husband and

[00:38:34] his kids leading him to spend all of

[00:38:36] his savings.

[00:38:38] For a while now my husband John has

[00:38:40] been getting more and more angry over

[00:38:42] little things and generally moody and

[00:38:44] distant.

[00:38:46] I'd finally had enough and approached him

[00:38:48] about separation.

[00:38:49] This conversation led to a big blowout in

[00:38:52] him revealing the state of his finances.

[00:38:54] My husband and I have always kept our

[00:38:56] finances separate.

[00:38:57] Also although we call each other husband

[00:39:00] and wife and had a wedding we are not

[00:39:02] actually legally married.

[00:39:04] This was primarily for inheritance

[00:39:06] purposes because we each have older

[00:39:08] children from previous relationships.

[00:39:11] Anyway John revealed that he had

[00:39:13] basically no savings left and all the

[00:39:16] money he had saved for retirement and for

[00:39:18] his kids schooling was gone.

[00:39:20] Furthermore he said it was all my fault

[00:39:22] since he used all his savings up to try

[00:39:24] and keep up with my lifestyle.

[00:39:26] There was never anything crazy in terms

[00:39:28] of bills or anything like that and we

[00:39:30] always split it all equally.

[00:39:32] The house we live in I own outright as

[00:39:34] well so there wasn't a mortgage payment.

[00:39:37] However I've always liked to travel a

[00:39:39] lot on fairly extravagant vacations.

[00:39:42] I would invite John or John and his

[00:39:44] children to join on trips but never

[00:39:46] made them feel like they had to come.

[00:39:49] That said he was expected to pay for

[00:39:51] himself and for his kids except for

[00:39:53] recently he accepted every invitation.

[00:39:57] I would also give my kids things he

[00:39:59] considered extravagant but I considered

[00:40:01] normal so he felt like he had to give

[00:40:04] similar things to his own kids.

[00:40:06] John said with all the spending to keep up

[00:40:08] his savings dwindled very fast.

[00:40:11] I expressed that I couldn't understand how

[00:40:13] or why he would spend all he had when

[00:40:16] he knew he couldn't afford it.

[00:40:17] He said it was like keeping up with the

[00:40:19] Joneses only worse because it was at

[00:40:22] home so he couldn't block it out.

[00:40:24] John thinks since I knew his job I should

[00:40:27] have had a basic understanding of his

[00:40:29] finances and realizes this wasn't a

[00:40:31] lifestyle he could maintain.

[00:40:33] That the kind of thing would have been to

[00:40:35] offer to pay for the trip and other

[00:40:36] things instead of dangle them in front

[00:40:38] of his and his kids faces.

[00:40:40] Looking back I probably could have

[00:40:42] realized that this spending didn't make

[00:40:44] sense for his salary but I wasn't

[00:40:46] thinking about it.

[00:40:47] I don't think it was my responsibility

[00:40:49] to keep his finances in mind here.

[00:40:52] We'd agreed from the beginning to keep

[00:40:54] our finances separate so to me that

[00:40:56] means paying for things separately.

[00:40:58] Edit.

[00:40:59] We do not live in a state with common law

[00:41:01] marriage.

[00:41:03] So some relevant comments on this one

[00:41:05] someone says why not get married.

[00:41:08] You know you can make children beneficiaries

[00:41:10] in wills right.

[00:41:11] Opie says here spouses are included in

[00:41:14] inheritance even if they're omitted from

[00:41:15] wills and I plan on leaving everything to

[00:41:18] my kids.

[00:41:20] Question on ages and Opie says I'm 44 he's

[00:41:23] 53 we don't have any children together.

[00:41:27] Someone says so you didn't discuss trips

[00:41:29] you could afford together.

[00:41:31] Opie says we did discuss the trips and I

[00:41:34] asked for input about where to stay and

[00:41:36] what we do but he never gave any or had

[00:41:39] any suggestions.

[00:41:41] I always assumed he just didn't like

[00:41:43] planning things.

[00:41:44] I would have likely still gone on the

[00:41:46] trips if he didn't want to.

[00:41:48] Someone says so if he said no would you

[00:41:51] just go on the trip on your own.

[00:41:52] Opie says I would have likely still

[00:41:54] gone on the trip.

[00:41:55] That said I would have been open to

[00:41:57] open to less expensive trips had he

[00:41:59] brought it up.

[00:42:01] Except for the past two trips he never

[00:42:03] declined.

[00:42:03] I didn't go alone though.

[00:42:05] I went on one with some friends and the

[00:42:07] other with my daughter.

[00:42:08] And then there was a couple of

[00:42:10] exchanges between people so someone

[00:42:11] said everyone sucks here.

[00:42:14] John should have ended your marriage

[00:42:15] way earlier.

[00:42:16] He can't keep with your lifestyle and

[00:42:18] it would be horrible and very unfair

[00:42:20] to subject his children in a life where

[00:42:22] half of the family goes on fancy

[00:42:23] vacations regularly and the others

[00:42:25] stay home.

[00:42:26] He should have been honest way earlier

[00:42:28] before his savings drained and ended

[00:42:30] the marriage.

[00:42:30] You should have had more awareness of

[00:42:32] your partner's struggles.

[00:42:33] How do you share a life with someone

[00:42:35] and don't realize these things?

[00:42:37] Opie says he paid for things without

[00:42:39] any hint that he was struggling.

[00:42:41] I assumed his attitude changed was

[00:42:43] when things started to get really bad

[00:42:45] and I did ask what was wrong.

[00:42:47] But he would just say things were

[00:42:48] fine or that he was upset about some

[00:42:50] little thing like the dishes not being

[00:42:52] put away.

[00:42:53] The commenter says before you were

[00:42:54] together how often were you taking

[00:42:56] trips with your kids?

[00:42:58] Opie says I've always done about the

[00:42:59] same amount of trips every year.

[00:43:01] Usually two with my kids.

[00:43:03] His kids mostly live with their mom and

[00:43:05] mine will still split time between me

[00:43:07] and their dad pretty equally.

[00:43:08] My eldest is in college now though.

[00:43:11] Someone says I have a burning question.

[00:43:13] Did you ever ask him why he was acting

[00:43:15] that way before you decided it was

[00:43:16] time for separation?

[00:43:18] Because from the outside you come off

[00:43:19] as the female stereotype that men

[00:43:22] don't have emotions so there's no

[00:43:23] need to check.

[00:43:25] Opie says I did.

[00:43:26] He would always say it was fine or I

[00:43:29] would ask what's wrong and he would

[00:43:30] get mad about the dishes not being

[00:43:31] put away or some other little thing.

[00:43:33] The commenter says if you enjoy having

[00:43:36] him with you maybe you could pay for

[00:43:37] him to go.

[00:43:38] Opie says if things were better I might

[00:43:40] consider it but at this point I'm

[00:43:42] really not enjoying being around him

[00:43:43] anymore.

[00:43:44] I'm going to use this break to take

[00:43:46] some time to re-evaluate things.

[00:43:48] Someone says it sounds like you don't

[00:43:50] love him at all.

[00:43:51] Why were you with him?

[00:43:53] Were you really together or just

[00:43:54] roommates with benefits?

[00:43:55] Why wouldn't you leave him anything in

[00:43:57] the will?

[00:43:58] How do you split daily life?

[00:44:01] Opie says with how things are now

[00:44:02] hard to talk in present tense.

[00:44:04] I loved him.

[00:44:06] For me it just feels like it would be

[00:44:08] wrong for my money and assets to go to

[00:44:10] anyone other than my kids given.

[00:44:12] For him well I don't really need any

[00:44:14] inheritance so it just makes the most

[00:44:16] sense for it to have gone to his

[00:44:17] children.

[00:44:18] For restaurants we've just always taken

[00:44:20] turns paying.

[00:44:22] So around 18 days after the original

[00:44:24] post Opie does come in with their

[00:44:27] update and says after reading all the

[00:44:28] comments on my first post I realized I

[00:44:31] needed more time to think about things.

[00:44:33] I also thought with the situation how

[00:44:35] it works it would be best that we spend

[00:44:37] the holidays apart to avoid controversy.

[00:44:40] He wasn't a fan of the idea but I

[00:44:42] eventually got him to agree to go.

[00:44:44] Last week things settled down so we met

[00:44:47] up to have a more detailed discussion

[00:44:48] about the state of his finances.

[00:44:51] A few more things were revealed.

[00:44:53] I found out that he had lost his job

[00:44:55] earlier this year and didn't tell me.

[00:44:58] He got a new job in October but he went

[00:45:01] over four months without one while

[00:45:02] pretending he still had one.

[00:45:05] During that time he only got a small

[00:45:06] amount of money from unemployment so

[00:45:08] he started putting everything on his

[00:45:10] credit cards.

[00:45:11] His new job doesn't pay as much as his

[00:45:14] old one so he hasn't been able to pay

[00:45:16] more than a minimum towards his debts

[00:45:17] which are now substantial.

[00:45:19] I feel like if he had just brought up

[00:45:21] all these issues earlier this could

[00:45:23] have been avoided or we could have

[00:45:25] worked something out.

[00:45:26] Now I really just feel like I can't

[00:45:28] trust him.

[00:45:29] I can't trust him with money and I can't

[00:45:31] trust him not to hide things from me.

[00:45:33] I just can't see going back and trying

[00:45:36] to make things work with him at this

[00:45:37] point.

[00:45:38] Since he doesn't have a place to take

[00:45:39] all their things I've agreed to store

[00:45:41] their stuff in my garage until he gets

[00:45:43] more settled.

[00:45:44] Which means I won't be able to make as

[00:45:46] clean of a break as I would like

[00:45:47] right now.

[00:45:48] But for the most part it's over.

[00:45:52] Oh deary me.

[00:45:54] Lying that you lost your job and then

[00:45:56] going into credit card debt as well.

[00:45:58] My word.

[00:45:59] But if I'm being completely blunt and

[00:46:02] honest and you know I'm as always I'm

[00:46:05] probably completely wrong or there's

[00:46:07] some logic behind this that I'm just

[00:46:09] not quite getting at the moment.

[00:46:11] I didn't quite understand much of the

[00:46:12] relationship anyway the way that

[00:46:14] the way that was talking it didn't

[00:46:16] say it didn't feel like they were

[00:46:17] actually together and that may be just

[00:46:20] from the lack of communication from his

[00:46:22] side of things you know just trying to

[00:46:23] keep up and spending all his money etc etc.

[00:46:27] But whilst I was reading it it just

[00:46:29] felt like there was like this total

[00:46:30] disconnect anyway.

[00:46:32] And that's not from just like the

[00:46:33] separate finances.

[00:46:34] I totally get that and I know many

[00:46:36] people who who do keep their finances

[00:46:39] separate.

[00:46:39] But I don't know what do you guys make

[00:46:42] of this one.

[00:46:43] I'd be very very interested to know.

[00:46:45] Let us know your thoughts down in the

[00:46:47] comments below as always.

[00:46:49] And our next story comes from a throw

[00:46:52] away account from the relationship

[00:46:54] advice subreddit and says my 40 male

[00:46:57] wife 36 female was seen holding hands

[00:47:00] with another man.

[00:47:02] My wife 36 female and I 40 male have

[00:47:06] been together for five years and got

[00:47:08] married last year.

[00:47:09] We definitely have her ups and downs

[00:47:11] but we're generally happy.

[00:47:14] On Friday she went out with people from

[00:47:16] her work for Christmas drinks and

[00:47:17] arrived home around midnight absolutely

[00:47:20] hammered.

[00:47:21] She just said she had a good time and

[00:47:23] went straight to bed.

[00:47:25] Yesterday I got a message on Instagram

[00:47:27] from an anonymous account claiming to

[00:47:29] be one of her colleagues saying she'd

[00:47:31] been flirting all night with one of the

[00:47:32] guys from the office.

[00:47:34] 44 male and they'd left together about

[00:47:36] nine to walk to the train station.

[00:47:39] The colleague had a couple more drinks

[00:47:40] then went to the station herself and

[00:47:43] says she saw my wife walking hand in

[00:47:45] hand with a guy through the station at

[00:47:47] about 10 45.

[00:47:49] They didn't see her.

[00:47:50] Last night I showed her the message

[00:47:52] then asked her for an explanation.

[00:47:54] She claimed she was so drunk she doesn't

[00:47:56] remember anything that happened after

[00:47:58] about 8 p.m.

[00:47:59] I asked if she went somewhere with the

[00:48:01] guy after they left the group and she

[00:48:03] checked the location history on her phone

[00:48:05] which confirmed they'd gone to a bar near

[00:48:07] the station for about an hour.

[00:48:09] They arrived at the station at 10 40.

[00:48:12] She gave me a phone and insisted I

[00:48:14] check it and there were no suspicious

[00:48:16] messages or anything.

[00:48:17] As far as I could tell she doesn't have

[00:48:19] the guy's number in her phone and they're

[00:48:21] not following each other on Instagram

[00:48:23] or friends on Facebook.

[00:48:26] I asked if she was flirting with him and

[00:48:28] she admitted that she was talking mostly

[00:48:30] to him all night but that's just because

[00:48:32] he's the only person in her office that

[00:48:34] she has anything in common with and that

[00:48:36] they're just friends and it wasn't

[00:48:38] flirting.

[00:48:39] She mentioned this guy to me before and

[00:48:41] said how much they have in common.

[00:48:43] I asked if they were holding hands and

[00:48:45] she said she doesn't remember but she

[00:48:46] doesn't think so.

[00:48:48] She claims to know who sent me the

[00:48:49] message and says it's a woman in the

[00:48:51] office who hates her although she doesn't

[00:48:53] know why.

[00:48:54] Today she's been in a terrible mood and

[00:48:57] we've not really spoken.

[00:48:59] So that's where we are.

[00:49:00] I'm not sure what to do.

[00:49:02] Is this as big as a red flag as it seems

[00:49:04] to be?

[00:49:05] And we start in the comments with

[00:49:07] okay but not okay who says there's a

[00:49:09] collection of issues here but the

[00:49:11] terrible mood today seems a big one.

[00:49:13] The information you received is largely

[00:49:15] correct.

[00:49:15] It looks a bit fishy and instead of

[00:49:17] reassurance she is in retaliation mode.

[00:49:19] No doubt focusing on her office rival.

[00:49:22] She should be apologizing and doing

[00:49:24] what she can to defuse the situation.

[00:49:27] Getting so drunk you can't recall and

[00:49:29] focusing on a particular man and going

[00:49:31] off privately with him.

[00:49:32] I wonder what she would feel if this

[00:49:34] was something you had done.

[00:49:35] Tell her to lose the attitude and

[00:49:37] figure out how she plans to sort this

[00:49:39] out.

[00:49:40] That sloth Duke replies to that saying

[00:49:42] OP should really focus on this advice.

[00:49:45] She voluntarily gave up her phone for

[00:49:47] examination.

[00:49:48] Unless she has a second cell phone

[00:49:49] chances are that she isn't having an

[00:49:52] affair.

[00:49:52] OP should check her car for it.

[00:49:55] If there is no affair she should at

[00:49:56] least be attracted to him to get to a

[00:49:58] point where she is holding hands with

[00:49:59] him.

[00:50:00] That combined with the fact that she

[00:50:01] isn't going into crisis mode but is

[00:50:03] generally just pissed at her colleague

[00:50:04] points to the fact that she is just a

[00:50:06] shitty partner.

[00:50:07] Not necessarily a cheater but a very

[00:50:10] shitty partner nevertheless.

[00:50:11] less.

[00:50:41] Others who are good use burner phones so her

[00:50:43] phone being clean means nothing.

[00:50:45] Instead of reassuring you she's in a

[00:50:47] foul mood.

[00:50:48] Really.

[00:50:49] Time to start planning an exit.

[00:50:51] As you can reach out to the man she's

[00:50:53] left with spouse.

[00:50:54] Show her your evidence.

[00:50:55] She needs the truth as well.

[00:50:57] Start using condoms while having sex with

[00:50:59] her.

[00:50:59] Get STD checked.

[00:51:01] If she asks why the condoms tell her

[00:51:03] you're irresponsible drunken nights you

[00:51:05] cannot remember so you went for STD tests.

[00:51:08] She should do the same.

[00:51:09] Pro for me this is an end all.

[00:51:12] Her reaction of not even considering

[00:51:14] this can harm you is telling.

[00:51:16] And a final comment from New Arrival who

[00:51:18] says so she probably wasn't blackout

[00:51:20] drunk.

[00:51:20] She most likely just saw an opportunity

[00:51:22] and left the party to spend time with

[00:51:24] a co-worker she's been talking about

[00:51:26] and had her eye on for some time.

[00:51:28] Adults don't leave a party for four

[00:51:30] hours to just walk around a train station

[00:51:33] holding hands.

[00:51:34] You are getting trickle truth.

[00:51:36] Unless she goes totally no contact

[00:51:38] with his co-worker and that included

[00:51:40] getting a new job.

[00:51:41] The end result is you will find out she

[00:51:43] had an emotional affair and probably

[00:51:44] a physical affair that will continue as

[00:51:46] long as she works with him.

[00:51:48] So OP does update the post and says

[00:51:51] a few people requested an update to my

[00:51:53] last post and a lot has happened in the

[00:51:55] last week so here it is.

[00:51:57] I'll post any further updates on my

[00:51:59] profile.

[00:52:00] Sam came home from work on Monday

[00:52:02] and casually said that she'd spoken with

[00:52:04] the guy Tom and he'd confirmed that they

[00:52:07] hadn't held hands.

[00:52:08] They'd just been walking arm in arm

[00:52:09] because she was drunk and wearing heels.

[00:52:12] I asked why her colleague Helen would

[00:52:15] make an Instagram account, track me down

[00:52:17] and message me saying they held hands if

[00:52:19] it wasn't true.

[00:52:20] She said Helen is basically in love with

[00:52:22] Tom and made a pass at him just after

[00:52:24] his divorce but he rejected her.

[00:52:27] I asked why Helen would feel threatened by

[00:52:29] her.

[00:52:30] She said because her and Tom are friends

[00:52:32] and Helen's a crazy jealous bitch as

[00:52:34] evidenced by the Instagram message.

[00:52:36] I asked why she went for a drink just

[00:52:38] her and Tom.

[00:52:40] She said that according to Tom they

[00:52:41] walked past this bar with an amazing

[00:52:43] live band playing so they stopped in

[00:52:45] for a drink.

[00:52:46] Her only regret was doing too many shots

[00:52:48] too early and getting shit faced.

[00:52:50] The next day she went shopping after

[00:52:52] work and came home with a new dress.

[00:52:55] I asked what the occasion was and she

[00:52:56] said a work Christmas party.

[00:52:59] Last week was just drinks with people

[00:53:00] from her office.

[00:53:02] The company Christmas party is on

[00:53:04] Friday.

[00:53:04] Apparently she had mentioned this.

[00:53:07] I hardly slept that night.

[00:53:09] The next day I decided to reply to the

[00:53:11] Instagram message to get some more

[00:53:12] info.

[00:53:13] I asked do you think anything's going

[00:53:15] on with them?

[00:53:16] Helen I assume quickly replied with a

[00:53:19] long message saying that they flirt at

[00:53:21] work and everyone's noticed.

[00:53:23] Apparently Sam was going to be let go

[00:53:25] but Tom put in a good word so she kept

[00:53:27] her job.

[00:53:28] Tom protects her in the office and will

[00:53:30] constantly defend her.

[00:53:32] She's also said that Sam bitches about

[00:53:34] me to the whole office and it's clear

[00:53:36] we don't have a happy marriage.

[00:53:38] I asked if she was going to the

[00:53:39] Christmas party and she said she was.

[00:53:41] She said she'd update me if anything

[00:53:43] happened.

[00:53:44] Sam finished work early on Friday so

[00:53:46] she had time to get ready.

[00:53:48] She looked amazing and I really didn't

[00:53:50] want her to go but I felt like I

[00:53:52] couldn't say anything.

[00:53:53] I got an Instagram message about

[00:53:55] midnight saying Sam and Tom hadn't

[00:53:57] interacted at the party but that people

[00:54:00] from the office had decided to leave and

[00:54:01] go to a different bar.

[00:54:02] They all left just before 11 and were

[00:54:05] at the new bar by 10 past.

[00:54:07] Sam arrived home about 2am, not quite as

[00:54:10] drunk as last time and went straight to

[00:54:12] sleep.

[00:54:12] I pretended to be fast asleep.

[00:54:14] I looked at location history on her phone.

[00:54:17] After leaving the venue she'd taken a

[00:54:19] three mile detour to a residential

[00:54:21] street.

[00:54:22] Stayed for half an hour then gone to the

[00:54:24] bar.

[00:54:25] I sent the address to Helen.

[00:54:27] She didn't reply until the next morning

[00:54:28] when she said it was Tom's house.

[00:54:31] When Sam woke up I just asked her

[00:54:33] straight out if she cheated on me with

[00:54:34] Tom last night.

[00:54:36] She angrily denied it.

[00:54:38] I told her that I knew she'd been to

[00:54:39] Tom's house.

[00:54:40] She accused me of spying on her,

[00:54:43] called me controlling, said she was going

[00:54:45] to stay with her sister.

[00:54:46] I demanded an explanation and she said

[00:54:49] she went to his house so they could

[00:54:50] smoke a joint before heading to the bar.

[00:54:52] Then she stormed out.

[00:54:54] She wouldn't reply to my messages or

[00:54:56] answer my calls all Sunday.

[00:54:58] I called her sister who said she hadn't

[00:55:00] seen her but she texted me later that

[00:55:02] she'd spoken to Sam and she was okay.

[00:55:05] Sam came home yesterday morning.

[00:55:07] I asked where she had been and she just

[00:55:09] said she couldn't do this anymore and

[00:55:11] wants a divorce.

[00:55:13] She went to start packing some clothes

[00:55:15] while I tried to get her to talk to me.

[00:55:17] I asked if she was leaving me for Tom.

[00:55:20] She once again denied anything

[00:55:21] inappropriate had happened between them

[00:55:23] but said my jealousy was the final straw.

[00:55:26] It's clear.

[00:55:27] I don't trust her.

[00:55:28] I'm controlling.

[00:55:29] I take her for granted.

[00:55:30] She's deeply unhappy.

[00:55:32] Has been for a while.

[00:55:34] So, she's gone.

[00:55:35] It looks like I'd be spending my first

[00:55:37] Christmas alone.

[00:55:38] I have no idea if she was telling the

[00:55:40] truth or if it was an affair.

[00:55:42] Weirdly, I'm not feeling too bad today

[00:55:45] so maybe this is for the best.

[00:55:47] And we have OP's final update.

[00:55:50] It starts off,

[00:55:52] When she was gone, Sam blocked me on

[00:55:54] all her social media and refused to

[00:55:57] return my messages or answer my calls.

[00:55:59] I ended up traveling to the other side

[00:56:01] of the country to spend Christmas with

[00:56:02] my parents.

[00:56:04] On Christmas Eve, Sam came home and took

[00:56:06] more of her stuff.

[00:56:07] I watched her on our security cameras.

[00:56:09] I tried phoning her but she ignored my

[00:56:11] course.

[00:56:12] Christmas wasn't great and my parents

[00:56:13] were both shocked and in denial about

[00:56:15] what has happened.

[00:56:16] They had no idea we were having issues

[00:56:18] and insisted Sam would come to her senses

[00:56:20] and come home.

[00:56:21] Eventually, I just said she had met

[00:56:23] someone else.

[00:56:24] I returned home on the 27th.

[00:56:26] I'd been getting sporadic updates from

[00:56:28] Sam's sister just letting me know

[00:56:29] she's alright but without any details.

[00:56:33] Before all this happened, we made plans

[00:56:34] to spend New Year's Eve at Sam's

[00:56:36] favorite bar in the city.

[00:56:37] I went on my own but she didn't show up.

[00:56:40] On Tuesday night, I received an

[00:56:42] Instagram message from Helen saying that

[00:56:44] Sam and Tom had arrived at work

[00:56:46] together in Tom's car.

[00:56:47] I didn't bother replying.

[00:56:50] On Wednesday night, she sent another

[00:56:51] message saying Sam was poisoning the

[00:56:53] office against her and that Tom was

[00:56:55] pushing upper management to transfer

[00:56:57] her to another office or get rid of

[00:56:58] her.

[00:56:59] She begged me to do something.

[00:57:01] I texted Sam and said we needed to

[00:57:04] talk but she didn't reply.

[00:57:05] So the next day, I called her work

[00:57:07] switchboard, gave a fake name and got

[00:57:10] put through.

[00:57:11] I could tell she wasn't happy to hear

[00:57:12] my voice but she agreed to meet up

[00:57:14] after work at a local pub and talk.

[00:57:17] I got there early and she arrived 25

[00:57:19] minutes late.

[00:57:20] She apologized for ignoring my calls and

[00:57:22] said she still cares about me and wants

[00:57:24] to end things on good terms.

[00:57:26] I said just tell me the truth.

[00:57:29] She promised that she wasn't having an

[00:57:31] affair with Tom and they were just

[00:57:32] friends.

[00:57:33] She admitted that they talk a lot in the

[00:57:35] office but insisted it wasn't an

[00:57:37] emotional affair.

[00:57:39] She understands why I was suspicious after

[00:57:41] the Instagram message but said I should

[00:57:43] have accepted her denial and trusted her.

[00:57:45] She has a lot of male friends but she

[00:57:47] felt like she couldn't hang out with them

[00:57:49] because I'd get jealous.

[00:57:51] I pointed out that I've never told her not

[00:57:53] to hang out with anyone but she said I'd

[00:57:55] be in a mood whenever she'd hang out with

[00:57:57] a guy friend.

[00:57:58] She feels like we only got married to try

[00:58:00] and fix a relationship that was already

[00:58:01] broken.

[00:58:02] Our conversations have devolved into small

[00:58:05] talk and we've drifted apart.

[00:58:07] I said I'd heard that she and Tom arrived

[00:58:10] at work together.

[00:58:11] Sam said she went to Tom's after I accused

[00:58:13] her of cheating and knew it was over

[00:58:16] between us.

[00:58:16] They spent the weekend together and agreed

[00:58:18] they'd make a better couple than we did.

[00:58:21] She needed me to know that nothing

[00:58:22] happened between them until after she told

[00:58:25] me she wanted a divorce and now they were

[00:58:28] together and she wanted me to hear it

[00:58:30] from her before I saw it on social media.

[00:58:32] Tom was waiting outside for her in the car.

[00:58:36] All I could do was stand up and walk out.

[00:58:38] Sam texted me saying she knew I was upset

[00:58:41] but not to do anything stupid.

[00:58:43] I blocked her number.

[00:58:45] I'm not gonna lie it was a rough night.

[00:58:47] The next day I was just numb.

[00:58:50] Didn't really do much.

[00:58:52] Over the weekend I dug out our marriage

[00:58:54] certificate so I can start divorce proceedings.

[00:58:56] I've no idea what to say to Helen so I

[00:58:59] haven't replied.

[00:59:00] I think the plan now is to try and find a new

[00:59:02] job closer to my hometown.

[00:59:04] I moved across the country to live with

[00:59:06] Sam and I've never really felt settled here.

[00:59:09] I also don't want to run into her and Tom

[00:59:11] around town.

[00:59:12] Luckily we rent.

[00:59:14] This will probably be my last update unless

[00:59:16] something miraculous happens so thanks for

[00:59:18] reading.

[00:59:19] I'm not buying the whole didn't cheat thing

[00:59:21] and she only got with Tom after they had

[00:59:23] broken up etc etc it just doesn't feel like

[00:59:26] that to me.

[00:59:27] The whole you know being at his place

[00:59:29] for half an hour just to go and smoke a joint

[00:59:32] apparently.

[00:59:33] You know there's an absolute possibility.

[00:59:35] There's an absolute possibility that it might

[00:59:38] be a rebound relationship etc etc but all of

[00:59:41] this just feels out there to me.

[00:59:43] Apparently these were just good friends at

[00:59:46] work.

[00:59:46] Just colleagues you know that would talk to

[00:59:48] each other etc etc but then as soon as they

[00:59:50] broke up she went to spend like the weekend

[00:59:52] with him and then just decided instantly.

[00:59:54] Just instantly like this.

[00:59:56] That weird make a better couple than I did

[00:59:59] with my husband.

[01:00:01] Yeah it just feels off.

[01:00:03] You know but what's your thoughts on this

[01:00:05] one?

[01:00:05] Maybe you've got a different take on the

[01:00:07] matter.

[01:00:07] Let us know your thoughts down in the

[01:00:09] comments below and let's move on to

[01:00:11] another story.

[01:00:13] And our next story comes from the

[01:00:15] Am I the Arsehole subreddit.

[01:00:17] Does have an update as well from

[01:00:19] throwaway car man and before we do get

[01:00:21] into it just a quick warning there's

[01:00:22] discussions of death of a pet within the

[01:00:25] story so if you want to skip it please feel

[01:00:26] free to do so.

[01:00:27] You know where those time stamps are.

[01:00:29] And it's titled Am I the Arsehole for

[01:00:31] buying a brand new car even though my

[01:00:33] fiance said not to even though we needed

[01:00:36] it.

[01:00:37] So me 28 male and my fiance Ashley 30 female

[01:00:41] have been together for eight years.

[01:00:43] I'm the only one who drives as she

[01:00:46] doesn't have a license so she relies on

[01:00:48] me when transportation is an issue.

[01:00:50] Going to work getting groceries etc.

[01:00:53] As for my car it's a piece of shit.

[01:00:56] I love it when people just like that.

[01:00:59] I've had it for five years and I do not

[01:01:02] know how I managed to make it last this

[01:01:04] long.

[01:01:05] It has nearly 250,000 miles on it.

[01:01:08] In these four new tires new brakes the

[01:01:10] engine is worn and according to the

[01:01:11] mechanic the transmission will go any day.

[01:01:14] So getting a new car was a pretty big

[01:01:17] priority at least for me anyway.

[01:01:20] Ashley didn't see it that way.

[01:01:22] She did not want me to get a new car at

[01:01:24] all.

[01:01:25] She started an argument with me that it

[01:01:27] would be too expensive and we won't have

[01:01:29] any money for our wedding later this

[01:01:30] year if we buy one.

[01:01:32] But I have money.

[01:01:33] I've budgeted a lot and I could afford

[01:01:36] to buy a brand new car without digging

[01:01:37] into my savings and so I have plenty left

[01:01:40] in my checking.

[01:01:41] Granted yes I could have just bought a

[01:01:43] used car but I swore to myself to get a

[01:01:45] brand new one because I don't want high

[01:01:47] maintenance costs again.

[01:01:49] Despite showing her the numbers and

[01:01:51] everything and even agreeing that we'd

[01:01:53] still have plenty of money she still

[01:01:55] refused.

[01:01:56] I decided that I would get a new car

[01:01:58] anyway and bought one paid in full

[01:02:00] earlier this week.

[01:02:02] She was extremely pissed.

[01:02:04] Since then Ashley has been avoiding me

[01:02:07] and figuring out other costly means of

[01:02:09] transportation on her own.

[01:02:11] The way I see it getting a new car was an

[01:02:13] absolute necessity but she did not think

[01:02:16] so.

[01:02:17] Should I really do something wrong?

[01:02:19] Should I have bought a used car?

[01:02:20] Is there something else I was missing?

[01:02:23] There was a couple of comments OP added

[01:02:25] in replies to people so someone's talking

[01:02:26] about the finances.

[01:02:27] OP said it was purely my money and my

[01:02:30] money alone.

[01:02:31] We have separate finances.

[01:02:32] Someone says did she have trouble with you

[01:02:35] buying a new car or just a car in

[01:02:37] general?

[01:02:38] OP says she had an issue with me buying

[01:02:40] another car in general.

[01:02:42] She wanted me to keep my current car

[01:02:44] until it died for whatever reason.

[01:02:46] Someone says this is a clear sign you

[01:02:48] shouldn't be married yet as your

[01:02:49] relationship is not healthy.

[01:02:51] OP says if you're talking about her

[01:02:53] driving license she has tried multiple

[01:02:55] times but failed each time.

[01:02:57] But Tater Sprout says not the arsehole.

[01:02:59] A reliable vehicle is more important

[01:03:01] than spending that money on a wedding.

[01:03:03] This old car was already a money pit.

[01:03:06] Given her reaction I would postpone the

[01:03:08] wedding.

[01:03:08] She doesn't get to make all the decisions

[01:03:10] herself.

[01:03:11] She isn't mature enough to be married to.

[01:03:13] Isaac the madman says not the arsehole.

[01:03:16] You are not married.

[01:03:17] It's your car, your money and your life.

[01:03:19] Whether she sees it as a necessity or not

[01:03:21] she has no right to be mad at you for

[01:03:23] spending your own money to buy yourself

[01:03:25] something that needed replacing.

[01:03:27] Stevie says as you have separate finances

[01:03:30] not the arsehole.

[01:03:31] Though take this opportunity to take a

[01:03:33] step back and re-evaluate your

[01:03:34] relationship.

[01:03:36] If you two are struggling to come to an

[01:03:37] agreement about buying a car.

[01:03:39] Do you think your communication and

[01:03:40] compromisability will get better in the

[01:03:42] future?

[01:03:43] Simply because you got married.

[01:03:46] And a final comment from Jewel Cat Lady

[01:03:48] who says not the arsehole.

[01:03:50] She doesn't drive.

[01:03:51] Don't say if she pays for gas at all.

[01:03:53] It was your savings from your income.

[01:03:56] She just completely dismissed potentially

[01:03:57] dangerous and expensive issues.

[01:04:00] Hydroplane on overworn tires.

[01:04:02] Good luck keeping the car.

[01:04:04] Good luck keeping the car on the road

[01:04:05] and away from other cars or obstacles.

[01:04:08] Transmission goes out at speed on the

[01:04:10] freeway.

[01:04:10] But I hope you can get to the shoulder

[01:04:12] without anyone hitting you.

[01:04:13] Either this woman is completely

[01:04:15] delusional about motor vehicles and

[01:04:16] finances or she doesn't give a fuck.

[01:04:19] Hope that you'll put the wedding on hold

[01:04:20] at least.

[01:04:21] If not, cancel altogether.

[01:04:24] So, a couple of days later,

[01:04:26] OP comes back in to update the post

[01:04:28] and says,

[01:04:28] Hello everyone.

[01:04:29] Thank you all for commenting on my post.

[01:04:32] There is something I would like to

[01:04:33] address before getting to the update.

[01:04:35] There's a few lengthy threads about

[01:04:37] how Ashley must be using weaponizing

[01:04:39] competence since she's failed a

[01:04:40] driver's test several times.

[01:04:42] The written part she has passed,

[01:04:44] it's the driving section that she

[01:04:45] fails all the time.

[01:04:46] You see, she has ADHD and is on the

[01:04:48] spectrum so she tensers up a lot when

[01:04:50] she gets behind the wheel.

[01:04:52] While her anxiety has gone down in

[01:04:54] recent years, driving is still a sore

[01:04:56] spot.

[01:04:57] Now, many of you, including me,

[01:04:59] believe that this was all just

[01:05:01] financial abuse and she wanted

[01:05:02] control of my money.

[01:05:04] Well, we were all wrong.

[01:05:06] Yesterday I went to take care of a

[01:05:08] few errands and when I came back,

[01:05:09] Ashley came to me with tears.

[01:05:11] It looked like she'd been crying for

[01:05:13] a long time.

[01:05:14] She apologized for getting angry at

[01:05:16] me and for avoiding me.

[01:05:17] She said she knew my old car was on

[01:05:19] its last legs and knew a new one was

[01:05:21] necessary.

[01:05:22] She also understood that there would

[01:05:24] be plenty of money left.

[01:05:26] Ashley admitted she wasn't mad about

[01:05:28] the money.

[01:05:28] It was actually the memories of my old

[01:05:30] car.

[01:05:31] She only mentioned the wedding because

[01:05:33] she didn't want to sound pathetic

[01:05:35] and seemed to be the most obvious

[01:05:37] choice.

[01:05:38] You see, last year we had a 14-year-old

[01:05:40] German shepherd that we sadly had put

[01:05:42] down after she got cancer.

[01:05:45] Ashley had her ever since she was a

[01:05:46] pup and loved her very much and so did

[01:05:48] die.

[01:05:49] Ashley was an absolute mess after

[01:05:51] that.

[01:05:52] We never took down her crate and had

[01:05:54] placed her old blankets, pillows as

[01:05:56] well as her leash and collar in it.

[01:05:58] What does this have to do with my car?

[01:06:01] I still had her old blanket in my old

[01:06:03] car whenever we took her out.

[01:06:05] Some of her fur was still in the back

[01:06:07] seat as I almost never vacuumed the

[01:06:09] back.

[01:06:10] Ashley was afraid of forgetting her and

[01:06:12] that's why she wanted me to keep the

[01:06:14] car.

[01:06:15] I assured Ashley that I love her and

[01:06:17] I loved her dog.

[01:06:18] If it meant anything, I took the

[01:06:20] blanket out of the car which she

[01:06:21] asked me to place in the crate.

[01:06:23] I donated my old car but the tow

[01:06:25] truck won't be there to pick it up

[01:06:27] until tomorrow so she asked to see the

[01:06:29] old car one last time.

[01:06:31] So we drove to the lot and she had a

[01:06:33] tearful goodbye over it.

[01:06:35] I took her out to eat after that to get

[01:06:37] her mind away from it.

[01:06:39] So there you have it everyone.

[01:06:40] This was never about money.

[01:06:42] And there was one more relevant comment

[01:06:45] from OP which was in response to this

[01:06:47] comment which said this relationship

[01:06:48] won't survive if she doesn't get

[01:06:50] therapy to which OP said unfortunately

[01:06:52] she takes a psychiatrist seriously but a

[01:06:55] therapist?

[01:06:56] Nada.

[01:06:57] And there was a lot of people sharing

[01:06:59] their stories of their attachments to

[01:07:01] their old vehicles.

[01:07:02] You know some people it was like their

[01:07:04] step to adulthood if you like their step

[01:07:06] to freedom.

[01:07:07] They have strong memory, strong bonds

[01:07:10] with their first car and all their stories

[01:07:12] of how tough it was to get rid of theirs.

[01:07:14] So what about you when you got rid of

[01:07:17] your first car?

[01:07:17] Did it affect you in any way for myself?

[01:07:20] To be honest I couldn't wait to get rid

[01:07:21] of my first car.

[01:07:22] It was a it was a Renault Clio and the

[01:07:24] clutch was a right knobhead on it.

[01:07:27] Some other people saying that they find

[01:07:28] Ashley exhausting but what do you guys

[01:07:31] make of this situation?

[01:07:33] Let us know your thoughts down in the

[01:07:40] 587 from the true off my chest subreddit

[01:07:43] and says I just took a DNA test.

[01:07:46] Turns out I'm 100% not my dad's son.

[01:07:50] For as long as I can remember my parents

[01:07:53] marriage has been happy and stable.

[01:07:56] They were high school sweethearts and my

[01:07:58] dad proposed to her at their senior prom

[01:08:00] or so they say.

[01:08:02] Nowadays they're your stereotypical old

[01:08:05] couple just as in love as the day they

[01:08:07] married.

[01:08:07] For Thanksgiving one of my friends bought

[01:08:10] DNA kits for a whole friend group.

[01:08:12] He's super into genealogy and family

[01:08:14] trees and wanted to share his hobby I

[01:08:17] guess.

[01:08:17] I just got my results back and my

[01:08:20] biological father was found.

[01:08:21] Except he's not the man who I grew up

[01:08:24] calling my dad.

[01:08:25] He's some rando from New Jersey.

[01:08:28] He hasn't reached out to me and I have

[01:08:29] no intention of reaching out to him.

[01:08:31] I have to admit he does look like me

[01:08:34] but he doesn't look like my sister at

[01:08:36] all. That means that either my sister is

[01:08:39] my dad's real daughter or that my mom

[01:08:41] cheated multiple times.

[01:08:43] I do know that my dad's family has a

[01:08:45] history of fertility issues and that his

[01:08:47] identical twin brother can't have kids

[01:08:49] at all.

[01:08:50] I don't want to blow up my parents lives

[01:08:52] and regardless of my DNA my dad is

[01:08:55] still my dad.

[01:08:57] He raised me and loved me like his own

[01:08:59] and that's all that matters to me.

[01:09:01] But there's a voice in the back of my

[01:09:03] mind telling me to tell my dad deserves

[01:09:05] to know that his wife cheated and that

[01:09:07] he raised another man's child.

[01:09:09] But then will he ever look at me the

[01:09:11] same?

[01:09:12] What if he disowns me out of rage?

[01:09:14] And what about my mom?

[01:09:16] She lives off his pension and home

[01:09:18] business but she's a cheater so maybe I

[01:09:21] shouldn't consider her feelings.

[01:09:23] I don't know.

[01:09:24] I had to tell someone so I figured Reddit

[01:09:26] might be a good place.

[01:09:28] I'm going to think about what I should

[01:09:30] do for a while before taking any

[01:09:32] drastic action.

[01:09:33] I have the power to destroy my parents

[01:09:35] lives and I don't take that lightly.

[01:09:38] As always we have some relevant

[01:09:40] comments with some answers from the OP.

[01:09:42] So BoredPanda55 says

[01:09:44] Kind of depends on the couple, age,

[01:09:47] religion, etc.

[01:09:48] You literally have no idea what happened

[01:09:50] around your conception unless they told

[01:09:52] you something.

[01:09:53] It is very possible something else other

[01:09:55] than cheating.

[01:09:56] Maybe talk to mom first.

[01:09:58] I know you are angry now but cheating

[01:10:00] is only one of multiple reasons for

[01:10:03] this.

[01:10:03] Last question.

[01:10:05] Did your DNA come back 100% your mom

[01:10:07] as your mom?

[01:10:09] Because that happened on Reddit before.

[01:10:11] Guy DNA tested his daughter found out

[01:10:13] she wasn't him and flipped on his wife.

[01:10:16] After tons of work and testing mom

[01:10:19] they found out their child had been

[01:10:20] switched in the hospital.

[01:10:22] I think I remember that one.

[01:10:24] OP says her family's never done DNA

[01:10:26] testing so I don't know.

[01:10:28] My parents have been honest with me

[01:10:30] about other embarrassing things.

[01:10:32] I just can't see them keeping something

[01:10:33] like that from me but

[01:10:34] I suppose it's possible.

[01:10:37] Xena Sebastian says

[01:10:38] How old are you OP?

[01:10:40] It doesn't really matter I'm just curious.

[01:10:42] You should definitely talk to your mom first.

[01:10:44] Your dad may know that

[01:10:45] you're not his biologically.

[01:10:47] OP says I'm 27.

[01:10:50] And you're right that

[01:10:50] it doesn't matter.

[01:10:51] I know people think I'm acting immature

[01:10:54] by jumping to cheating

[01:10:55] but my gut is telling me

[01:10:57] that it can't be something

[01:10:58] as simple as a sperm donor or adoption.

[01:11:00] We're family.

[01:11:02] We tell each other everything.

[01:11:03] Me and my dad especially.

[01:11:05] And I can't believe

[01:11:06] that they hide something as important

[01:11:07] as who gave me the blood in my veins.

[01:11:10] I don't know.

[01:11:11] And I guess I won't know

[01:11:12] until I talk to my mom.

[01:11:15] Diligent Course 6616 says

[01:11:17] Let me ask you some advice

[01:11:18] from a step-parent

[01:11:19] in a similar situation.

[01:11:21] Would you have preferred

[01:11:22] to have been told the truth

[01:11:23] since you are old enough

[01:11:24] to understand

[01:11:24] or have it continue

[01:11:26] to be kept a secret

[01:11:27] knowing how you feel now?

[01:11:29] I don't want to lie

[01:11:30] to my step-daughter

[01:11:31] who calls me daddy

[01:11:32] and also known me as so.

[01:11:34] But obviously being a five-year-old

[01:11:36] wouldn't comprehend much anyway.

[01:11:38] I don't know.

[01:11:39] Guess I'll figure it out

[01:11:40] when the time comes.

[01:11:41] OP says

[01:11:42] I'm pretty raw right now

[01:11:44] so take it with a grain of salt

[01:11:46] but I wish I'd known.

[01:11:47] Either way

[01:11:48] I'd have known my dad loves me

[01:11:50] as I'm sure your step-daughter does.

[01:11:53] But if I'd known

[01:11:54] then I wouldn't feel so shocked

[01:11:56] and betrayed right now.

[01:11:57] Also what happens

[01:11:58] if your daughter grows up

[01:11:59] moves out

[01:12:00] then gets sick?

[01:12:01] She won't be able

[01:12:02] to give the doctors

[01:12:03] an accurate family history

[01:12:04] and if she gives them

[01:12:05] your family history

[01:12:06] thinking that you're her bio dad

[01:12:07] that might lead

[01:12:09] her medical team astray.

[01:12:10] She deserves to know

[01:12:11] where she comes from.

[01:12:13] Haunting ad said

[01:12:14] I found out my parents

[01:12:16] used a donor via genealogy kit

[01:12:17] when I was in my 30s.

[01:12:19] They planned to never tell me.

[01:12:21] Your mum may not have cheated at all.

[01:12:23] Which Doohickey replies

[01:12:25] saying

[01:12:25] this is exactly what I think

[01:12:26] happened with OP's parents.

[01:12:28] Especially since

[01:12:28] the identical twin is infertile

[01:12:30] and OP has a sibling.

[01:12:32] I'm thinking that dad

[01:12:33] is infertile.

[01:12:34] They use different donors

[01:12:35] for their two kids

[01:12:36] and never planned on

[01:12:37] telling either child.

[01:12:39] If that is the case

[01:12:40] I'm sure the parents

[01:12:40] would have been worried

[01:12:44] onto the scene.

[01:12:45] And a lot of people

[01:12:46] are going down

[01:12:47] this sperm donor route

[01:12:48] because of the infertility

[01:12:49] within the family

[01:12:50] which I think

[01:12:51] does make sense.

[01:12:53] There's also a lot of people

[01:12:54] talking about

[01:12:55] knowing your own

[01:12:56] medical history

[01:12:57] which we see in a lot

[01:12:58] of these stories as well

[01:13:00] which makes sense to me.

[01:13:02] But I think the main

[01:13:03] consensus out of this one

[01:13:04] was that

[01:13:05] talk to your mum

[01:13:06] find out what's going on.

[01:13:09] So

[01:13:09] OP did come in

[01:13:10] and update the post after

[01:13:12] and said

[01:13:12] alright

[01:13:13] so first off

[01:13:14] I just want to say

[01:13:15] you're half right.

[01:13:17] Secondly

[01:13:18] I want to explain

[01:13:18] in more depth

[01:13:19] why I didn't think

[01:13:20] it could be a sperm donor.

[01:13:22] My family

[01:13:22] my dad especially

[01:13:24] hold honesty

[01:13:25] as one of

[01:13:26] if the highest values.

[01:13:28] The angriest

[01:13:28] I've ever seen my dad

[01:13:30] was when I covered up

[01:13:31] a bad grade

[01:13:31] in high school.

[01:13:33] Now

[01:13:33] he never hit me

[01:13:34] or even really came close

[01:13:36] but he shouted

[01:13:37] and made me feel

[01:13:38] like a piece of shit.

[01:13:39] My point is

[01:13:40] that lying is considered

[01:13:41] the greatest sin

[01:13:42] in my dad's eyes.

[01:13:44] He always told me

[01:13:44] that a man

[01:13:45] is only good

[01:13:46] as his word.

[01:13:47] The thought of my dad

[01:13:48] keeping something like that

[01:13:49] from me

[01:13:49] was nearly unthinkable.

[01:13:51] The reason I went

[01:13:52] straight to cheating

[01:13:53] rather than something

[01:13:54] like sexual assault

[01:13:55] was that I don't

[01:13:56] look at all

[01:13:57] like my dad.

[01:13:58] Because of this

[01:13:59] my cousins teased me

[01:14:00] my whole childhood.

[01:14:01] They called my mum

[01:14:02] a whore behind her back

[01:14:03] and combined with

[01:14:04] my rocky relationship

[01:14:05] with my mum

[01:14:06] just made me always

[01:14:07] suspect that my mum

[01:14:08] had cheated.

[01:14:09] The DNA tests

[01:14:10] only confirmed my suspicions

[01:14:12] which is why

[01:14:12] I was so adamant

[01:14:13] that's what happened.

[01:14:15] Now

[01:14:16] with a clearer head

[01:14:16] I realised

[01:14:17] how those biases

[01:14:18] were affecting my judgement.

[01:14:20] Anyway

[01:14:21] I called my mum

[01:14:22] the other day

[01:14:23] and explained

[01:14:24] about the DNA test.

[01:14:25] She chuckled

[01:14:26] and instead of

[01:14:27] confessing to cheating

[01:14:28] like I thought she would

[01:14:29] or to using

[01:14:31] a sperm donor

[01:14:31] like you guys

[01:14:32] thought she would

[01:14:33] she said to me

[01:14:34] I guess

[01:14:35] we couldn't keep this forever.

[01:14:36] Okay

[01:14:37] I guess it's time

[01:14:38] you knew.

[01:14:39] And then proceeded

[01:14:40] to tell me

[01:14:40] this absolutely

[01:14:42] wild story.

[01:14:44] Here we go.

[01:14:46] She told me

[01:14:47] what I'd already

[01:14:47] guessed about

[01:14:48] my dad's fertility

[01:14:49] that he's completely

[01:14:50] unable to have

[01:14:51] biological kids.

[01:14:52] Apparently

[01:14:53] my parents

[01:14:53] didn't have the

[01:14:54] cash to pay

[01:14:55] for a sperm donor

[01:14:56] or an adoption

[01:14:56] but they wanted

[01:14:57] a kid more than

[01:14:58] anything in the world.

[01:14:59] What they agreed

[01:15:00] to do was

[01:15:01] for my mum

[01:15:01] to drive

[01:15:02] to the next date

[01:15:03] over

[01:15:03] and have

[01:15:04] unprotected

[01:15:04] intercourse with men

[01:15:06] in the hope

[01:15:06] she'd get pregnant.

[01:15:08] Apparently

[01:15:08] she tried to

[01:15:09] choose guys

[01:15:10] who had similar

[01:15:11] features to my dad

[01:15:12] so that the

[01:15:12] extended family

[01:15:13] wouldn't get suspicious.

[01:15:15] Luckily for my parents

[01:15:16] my sister came out

[01:15:17] looking like a clone

[01:15:18] of my mum.

[01:15:19] Three years later

[01:15:20] my parents did

[01:15:21] the same thing

[01:15:22] and that's where

[01:15:22] I came from.

[01:15:24] As I said before

[01:15:25] I look nothing

[01:15:26] like my dad.

[01:15:27] I do have some

[01:15:28] features from my mum's

[01:15:29] side of the family

[01:15:30] but absolutely

[01:15:30] none of my dad's side.

[01:15:32] Other than that

[01:15:33] I have a lot of

[01:15:34] freckles

[01:15:34] and so does my dad

[01:15:35] and a few of his

[01:15:36] relatives.

[01:15:37] Turns out my

[01:15:38] biological father

[01:15:39] is also covered

[01:15:40] in freckles.

[01:15:41] I asked my mum

[01:15:42] if my sister knows

[01:15:43] and she said

[01:15:44] that my sister

[01:15:45] doesn't know.

[01:15:46] My mum asked me

[01:15:47] for help

[01:15:48] telling my sister

[01:15:48] because my sister

[01:15:50] has been hinting

[01:15:51] that she wants

[01:15:51] a DNA test

[01:15:52] before having kids

[01:15:53] which she wants

[01:15:54] to have soon.

[01:15:55] I agreed.

[01:15:56] I'll be going over

[01:15:57] to my sister's place

[01:15:58] to talk to her soon

[01:15:59] and the current plan

[01:16:00] is to have my

[01:16:00] parents on Zoom.

[01:16:01] I don't think

[01:16:02] I'll be updating

[01:16:03] again so

[01:16:03] get your

[01:16:04] I told you so's

[01:16:05] out of the way

[01:16:06] now.

[01:16:07] Long.

[01:16:09] What?

[01:16:10] It's one of those

[01:16:11] stories where I'm

[01:16:12] just like

[01:16:12] I don't know.

[01:16:16] I know honesty

[01:16:17] is the best policy

[01:16:18] but I'm just

[01:16:19] trying to imagine

[01:16:19] that situation

[01:16:20] where Opie

[01:16:22] confronted his mum

[01:16:23] and his mum

[01:16:23] just sort of

[01:16:23] chuckled and then

[01:16:24] went and told

[01:16:25] this story how

[01:16:25] she was going

[01:16:26] to other states

[01:16:26] and you know

[01:16:27] basically sleeping

[01:16:29] with other guys

[01:16:30] in the hopes

[01:16:30] to get pregnant.

[01:16:32] It all just feels

[01:16:33] like such a lottery

[01:16:34] to me.

[01:16:35] It all just feels

[01:16:35] absolutely wild

[01:16:37] with so many

[01:16:38] different risks

[01:16:39] involved

[01:16:40] including STIs

[01:16:41] and obviously

[01:16:42] Opie said

[01:16:43] they're 27 years

[01:16:44] old.

[01:16:45] Things like

[01:16:45] Ancestry

[01:16:46] weren't around

[01:16:46] back then.

[01:16:47] DNA testing

[01:16:48] services I guess

[01:16:49] like Ancestry

[01:16:50] that's really easy

[01:16:51] to get hold of

[01:16:52] these days

[01:16:52] weren't around.

[01:16:53] I think I only

[01:16:54] started

[01:16:54] but Google

[01:16:55] says 2012.

[01:16:56] Don't quote me

[01:16:57] on that because

[01:16:58] I'm not 100%

[01:16:58] sure.

[01:16:59] So they obviously

[01:17:00] didn't think that

[01:17:01] might be a case

[01:17:02] for down the road

[01:17:03] but if Bio

[01:17:04] Father ever does

[01:17:05] a DNA test

[01:17:06] similar to that

[01:17:07] he's going to

[01:17:07] realize he has

[01:17:08] a child somewhere

[01:17:09] which you know

[01:17:10] is another story

[01:17:11] in itself.

[01:17:13] Gee whiz.

[01:17:14] Now I'm going to

[01:17:15] turn this one

[01:17:16] to you guys.

[01:17:17] What do you guys

[01:17:17] make of this

[01:17:19] situation?

[01:17:20] Let me know

[01:17:20] your thoughts

[01:17:21] down in the

[01:17:22] comments below

[01:17:22] and let's move

[01:17:24] on to another

[01:17:25] story.

[01:17:27] Now our next

[01:17:28] story is from

[01:17:28] the am I the

[01:17:29] arsehole subreddit.

[01:17:30] It does have

[01:17:31] an update as

[01:17:32] well.

[01:17:33] There's a

[01:17:34] trigger warning

[01:17:34] on this story

[01:17:35] that says

[01:17:36] racism so if

[01:17:37] you don't want

[01:17:37] to skip the

[01:17:38] story please

[01:17:38] feel free to

[01:17:39] do so.

[01:17:39] Timestands are

[01:17:40] always down in

[01:17:40] the description

[01:17:41] and along the

[01:17:41] timeline below

[01:17:42] and it says

[01:17:43] am I the

[01:17:44] arsehole here

[01:17:45] for telling a

[01:17:45] friend what a

[01:17:47] tattoo really

[01:17:48] says.

[01:17:49] Throw away

[01:17:50] friend group

[01:17:51] knows my main

[01:17:52] account.

[01:17:53] I 37 male went

[01:17:54] out to a New

[01:17:55] Year's Eve with

[01:17:56] a group of

[01:17:57] friends and the

[01:17:58] group had some

[01:17:58] friends of

[01:17:59] friends.

[01:17:59] Basically people

[01:18:00] I've known in

[01:18:01] passing.

[01:18:02] One of them

[01:18:02] and the 39

[01:18:03] male bought

[01:18:04] his girlfriend

[01:18:05] Julie 30s

[01:18:06] female.

[01:18:07] Julie decided to

[01:18:09] show a tattoo

[01:18:09] she got last

[01:18:10] week.

[01:18:10] She rolled up

[01:18:11] her sleeve to

[01:18:12] show it and

[01:18:12] she announced

[01:18:13] proudly it

[01:18:14] said strength

[01:18:15] and beauty in

[01:18:17] Chinese.

[01:18:18] I was on her

[01:18:18] forearm and I

[01:18:19] almost spit

[01:18:20] take.

[01:18:21] Now I have to

[01:18:22] explain I'm

[01:18:23] half Korean but

[01:18:24] people have mistaken

[01:18:25] me as Hispanic

[01:18:26] so I don't really

[01:18:27] look great.

[01:18:28] Korean to most

[01:18:28] Westerners.

[01:18:29] I am also not

[01:18:30] fluent but

[01:18:31] conversational and

[01:18:32] Korean and able

[01:18:33] to read.

[01:18:34] The tattoo was

[01:18:35] in tangled

[01:18:36] characters and

[01:18:36] definitely did not

[01:18:37] say strength and

[01:18:39] beauty.

[01:18:40] Julie got upset at

[01:18:41] my spit take and

[01:18:42] asked what my

[01:18:43] problem was.

[01:18:43] I said it's not

[01:18:45] Chinese and it

[01:18:46] doesn't say what

[01:18:47] you think it does.

[01:18:48] She got even more

[01:18:49] mad and said what

[01:18:50] would I know?

[01:18:51] I explained I was

[01:18:52] Korean American,

[01:18:54] can read Korean and

[01:18:55] what it says is

[01:18:56] not nice.

[01:18:57] I asked her what

[01:18:58] happened at the

[01:18:59] tattoo shop and

[01:19:00] she said she

[01:19:01] always wanted to

[01:19:01] get Asian

[01:19:02] characters.

[01:19:03] I went to a

[01:19:03] shop and saw a

[01:19:04] Chinese guy in

[01:19:06] the shop and

[01:19:06] demanded he be the

[01:19:08] one to do her

[01:19:08] ink.

[01:19:09] I asked Julie and

[01:19:10] Andy if Julie did

[01:19:11] anything that could

[01:19:12] have pissed the

[01:19:13] tattoo artist off.

[01:19:14] She denied it but

[01:19:15] Andy confessed she

[01:19:16] was super pushy

[01:19:17] about it and kept

[01:19:18] saying she wanted

[01:19:19] him to do it over

[01:19:20] any other artist in

[01:19:21] the shop because he

[01:19:22] would be used to

[01:19:23] the characters plus

[01:19:24] a few other

[01:19:25] statements.

[01:19:26] By this point she

[01:19:27] was crying and not

[01:19:28] enjoying hanging out

[01:19:29] for New Year's

[01:19:30] Eve.

[01:19:30] She wanted to

[01:19:31] leave and wanted

[01:19:32] Andy to take her.

[01:19:33] On her way out she

[01:19:34] asked me what it

[01:19:35] said.

[01:19:36] I said it's like the

[01:19:37] worst thing you can

[01:19:38] call a woman.

[01:19:39] It's like bitch but

[01:19:41] worse.

[01:19:42] She just burst into

[01:19:43] tears while walking

[01:19:44] out and the two of

[01:19:45] them left.

[01:19:46] The rest of my

[01:19:47] friends said I was a

[01:19:48] real jerk for

[01:19:49] spoiling her new

[01:19:49] tattoo and I could

[01:19:51] have made something up

[01:19:52] or not reacting.

[01:19:53] I had to explain

[01:19:54] that the word used

[01:19:55] is a really cultural

[01:19:57] faux pas and to see

[01:19:59] it on skin is shocking

[01:20:00] to the highest degree

[01:20:01] and the fact I was

[01:20:02] sipping on a beer when

[01:20:03] she revealed it only

[01:20:04] made a spit take

[01:20:05] impossible to avoid.

[01:20:07] Well this morning I

[01:20:08] got some messages from

[01:20:09] friends saying I

[01:20:10] really should apologize

[01:20:11] to Julie for

[01:20:11] traumatizing her about

[01:20:13] her tattoo.

[01:20:14] I feel like this is

[01:20:15] ridiculous like it's a

[01:20:17] really vulgar word

[01:20:18] on her arm and if I

[01:20:19] had that on my skin

[01:20:20] I'd like to know.

[01:20:21] But everyone else

[01:20:22] thinks that I should

[01:20:23] have just complimented

[01:20:24] her instead.

[01:20:25] So Reddit,

[01:20:26] I'm Ivy Arsehole

[01:20:27] revealing to a

[01:20:28] friend what a tattoo

[01:20:29] actually says.

[01:20:31] And we're going to

[01:20:31] start in the comments

[01:20:32] with DangerousAd1986

[01:20:34] who says not the

[01:20:35] arsehole she pushed

[01:20:36] for a person she

[01:20:37] assumed was Chinese

[01:20:38] to do a Chinese

[01:20:39] tattoo.

[01:20:40] Her character was

[01:20:40] revealed to everyone

[01:20:41] how she treats

[01:20:42] others.

[01:20:43] Now she has a

[01:20:44] messed up tattoo

[01:20:44] that she didn't

[01:20:45] even know what it

[01:20:46] said.

[01:20:46] You did her a favor.

[01:20:48] She's embarrassed

[01:20:48] as she should be.

[01:20:49] Everyone telling you

[01:20:50] that you need to

[01:20:51] apologize and

[01:20:52] shouldn't have said

[01:20:52] anything are ridiculous.

[01:20:54] It would all be mad at

[01:20:55] you if you didn't and

[01:20:56] found out you knew it

[01:20:57] and didn't say that.

[01:20:59] The hypocrisy.

[01:21:02] LadybugGal says the

[01:21:03] friends saying you

[01:21:03] should have just

[01:21:04] complimented her are the

[01:21:05] reason we get to

[01:21:06] watch the horrendous

[01:21:07] additions on shows

[01:21:07] like American Idol.

[01:21:09] I mean how can people

[01:21:10] get there truly

[01:21:11] thinking they are a

[01:21:12] great singer?

[01:21:13] It's because friends

[01:21:14] don't want to hurt

[01:21:15] them by telling the

[01:21:16] truth.

[01:21:16] Well even if I hedged

[01:21:18] a bit about their

[01:21:18] singing ability when

[01:21:20] they were singing

[01:21:20] karaoke I'd fess up if

[01:21:22] I heard they were

[01:21:23] going to audition.

[01:21:24] You my friend would

[01:21:25] be right there fessing

[01:21:26] up and getting the

[01:21:27] person to reconsider

[01:21:28] auditioning with me.

[01:21:29] I choose to be this

[01:21:31] kind of friend because

[01:21:32] there's a time and

[01:21:33] place for being kind

[01:21:34] and smoothing the

[01:21:35] waters for ego's

[01:21:36] sake.

[01:21:36] Like auditioning

[01:21:37] when you can't sing.

[01:21:39] Walking around with a

[01:21:40] vulgar tattoo is

[01:21:41] neither the time nor

[01:21:42] the place.

[01:21:43] Not the asshole and

[01:21:44] while she may be

[01:21:45] upset right now.

[01:21:46] I hope she will

[01:21:47] come to thank you

[01:21:47] for your honesty.

[01:21:49] The real reply

[01:21:50] stats in you

[01:21:51] reminded me of a

[01:21:52] story of when my

[01:21:53] daughter was a kid.

[01:21:54] She was a really

[01:21:55] fantastic singer now

[01:21:56] and got a standing

[01:21:57] ovation at an open

[01:21:58] mic night when I

[01:21:59] went to see her

[01:21:59] sing.

[01:22:00] At the time she

[01:22:01] was in middle

[01:22:01] school and wanted

[01:22:02] to enter a talent

[01:22:03] contest and the

[01:22:05] song she was

[01:22:05] planning to sing

[01:22:06] was beyond her

[01:22:07] capabilities with

[01:22:08] high notes she

[01:22:09] couldn't hit.

[01:22:10] We didn't have the

[01:22:11] heart to tell her

[01:22:11] how bad it was so

[01:22:13] we suggested

[01:22:13] recording it so she

[01:22:15] could try and

[01:22:15] improve.

[01:22:16] After playing it

[01:22:17] back she was glad

[01:22:18] we did because

[01:22:18] she'd have been

[01:22:19] mortified if she

[01:22:20] actually sang it in

[01:22:21] the contest.

[01:22:23] And one more

[01:22:24] comment from

[01:22:25] Celestia Messenger

[01:22:26] who says if I had

[01:22:27] a vulgarity inked on

[01:22:28] my body I'd be so

[01:22:29] thankful someone

[01:22:30] told me you did

[01:22:32] the right thing.

[01:22:34] So OP came in to

[01:22:36] update the post and

[01:22:36] said my friends

[01:22:37] contacted me a day

[01:22:38] later and

[01:22:39] apologized for

[01:22:40] responding to me the

[01:22:40] way they did New

[01:22:41] Year's Eve.

[01:22:42] They said they

[01:22:43] were more worried

[01:22:43] about the New

[01:22:44] Year's Eve party

[01:22:45] being brought down

[01:22:46] that night.

[01:22:47] But after sleeping

[01:22:47] on it and getting

[01:22:48] back to work most

[01:22:49] of them realized

[01:22:50] they too would have

[01:22:51] wanted to know if

[01:22:52] they got branded

[01:22:53] with a vulgar word.

[01:22:54] Also very few knew

[01:22:56] Julie and only knew

[01:22:57] her through Andy so

[01:22:59] they mostly tolerate

[01:23:00] her.

[01:23:00] Apparently this isn't

[01:23:02] her first incident

[01:23:03] either and Julie

[01:23:04] isn't white which

[01:23:05] is kind of funny

[01:23:06] everyone painting her

[01:23:07] as some blonde

[01:23:07] white girl lol.

[01:23:09] I decided to play

[01:23:10] peacemaker and talk

[01:23:11] to Andy and Julie

[01:23:12] and even offered

[01:23:13] to meet them at

[01:23:14] the tattoo shop.

[01:23:15] We went Friday

[01:23:16] night, walked in

[01:23:17] and I saw the

[01:23:18] tattoo artist in

[01:23:19] question.

[01:23:20] Funny thing is

[01:23:21] most Asians can

[01:23:22] tell I'm half

[01:23:23] Asian by looking.

[01:23:24] So he saw

[01:23:25] and he went

[01:23:26] you told her

[01:23:26] what it said yes?

[01:23:28] Kind of nonchalantly

[01:23:29] in Korean.

[01:23:30] We had a brief

[01:23:31] discussion in

[01:23:31] Korean.

[01:23:32] He remarked

[01:23:33] my accent had a

[01:23:34] American twang

[01:23:35] to it.

[01:23:36] Asked where my

[01:23:36] family was from

[01:23:37] found out both

[01:23:38] our families came

[01:23:39] from the same

[01:23:39] city.

[01:23:40] The gist is I

[01:23:41] pointed out he

[01:23:42] could get sued

[01:23:43] for the tat.

[01:23:44] He admitted he

[01:23:45] pressed his luck

[01:23:45] with it and offered

[01:23:47] to pay out of his

[01:23:47] pocket for another

[01:23:48] artist in the shop

[01:23:49] to do a cover up.

[01:23:50] I relayed that

[01:23:51] back to Julie and

[01:23:52] that seemed to

[01:23:53] appease her.

[01:23:54] She went to one

[01:23:55] of the I guess

[01:23:56] tattoo people who

[01:23:57] would call it a

[01:23:58] workstation and he

[01:24:00] explained that she

[01:24:01] still has to wait

[01:24:01] two months.

[01:24:03] Julie didn't like

[01:24:04] that.

[01:24:04] Even when the

[01:24:05] artist explained that

[01:24:06] standard procedure is

[01:24:07] to wait two months

[01:24:08] for a tat to heal

[01:24:09] up until a cover up

[01:24:10] is done.

[01:24:11] Andy thankfully

[01:24:12] googled it and

[01:24:13] pointed out that

[01:24:13] two months seems to

[01:24:14] be a minimum and

[01:24:16] more complex tattoos

[01:24:17] have up to six

[01:24:18] months recommended

[01:24:18] healing before a

[01:24:19] cover job.

[01:24:21] She accepted the

[01:24:22] offer for a free

[01:24:23] cover and paperwork

[01:24:24] was signed and

[01:24:25] such.

[01:24:26] And one of the top

[01:24:27] comments on the

[01:24:29] whole post was

[01:24:30] was from

[01:24:32] whatisinername19

[01:24:32] who says

[01:24:33] the lack of

[01:24:34] common sense in

[01:24:35] the comment section

[01:24:35] doesn't even

[01:24:36] surprise me.

[01:24:37] The smart thing to

[01:24:38] do would be to

[01:24:38] refuse her service

[01:24:39] and ban her.

[01:24:41] If you want to go a

[01:24:42] step further contact

[01:24:43] all the other decent

[01:24:44] studios in the city

[01:24:45] and they hopefully

[01:24:45] ban her too.

[01:24:47] That way she has to

[01:24:48] go out of her way

[01:24:48] to get a tattoo.

[01:24:50] What you don't do is

[01:24:51] deliberately mark

[01:24:52] that person's body

[01:24:53] with a vulgar word

[01:24:54] then that opened

[01:24:55] you up to being

[01:24:55] sued.

[01:24:56] Especially when you

[01:24:57] made it clear that

[01:24:58] it was on purpose

[01:24:59] in front of a number

[01:25:00] of witnesses.

[01:25:01] While being petty

[01:25:02] feels great it can

[01:25:03] just as easily come

[01:25:04] back and bite you

[01:25:05] in the ass and I

[01:25:06] would have no

[01:25:07] sympathy for the

[01:25:07] artist because that

[01:25:08] level of stupidity is

[01:25:10] not an excuse.

[01:25:12] Hope he was a great

[01:25:13] friend and I

[01:25:13] sincerely hope Julie

[01:25:14] learns to be a

[01:25:15] better person.

[01:25:17] But now I'm going to

[01:25:19] turn this one to

[01:25:20] you guys.

[01:25:21] What do you guys

[01:25:21] make of this?

[01:25:23] Let me know your

[01:25:24] thoughts down in the

[01:25:26] comments below.

[01:25:27] And let's have one

[01:25:28] more story from the

[01:25:29] Am I the Asshole

[01:25:30] subreddit.

[01:25:31] One of the top

[01:25:31] stories doesn't have

[01:25:32] an update at the

[01:25:33] moment.

[01:25:34] It's from

[01:25:36] wildstick5998 and

[01:25:37] says am I the

[01:25:38] asshole for accepting

[01:25:39] the prize money for

[01:25:40] winning a game?

[01:25:41] I didn't know I was

[01:25:42] playing.

[01:25:44] So I21female went

[01:25:46] to my granddad's

[01:25:46] 80 male house last

[01:25:48] week and he handed

[01:25:49] me a jar full of

[01:25:50] cash with my name on

[01:25:51] it.

[01:25:51] He told me to

[01:25:52] count it and it

[01:25:53] came to £3200.

[01:25:56] I asked him what it

[01:25:57] was for and he

[01:25:57] explained the rules of

[01:25:58] the game he had been

[01:25:59] playing with the whole

[01:25:59] family.

[01:26:00] From the 1st of

[01:26:01] December 2023 to the

[01:26:03] 31st December 2023.

[01:26:06] Every time a member of

[01:26:07] the family visited

[01:26:08] him he put a hundred

[01:26:09] in their jar for every

[01:26:10] hour they spent with

[01:26:11] him.

[01:26:12] At the end of the

[01:26:13] month a person who

[01:26:14] spent the most time

[01:26:14] with him would receive

[01:26:15] all the money in their

[01:26:16] jar and the others

[01:26:18] would get nothing.

[01:26:19] He obviously didn't

[01:26:20] tell anybody that he

[01:26:21] was doing this so that

[01:26:22] no one spent extra time

[01:26:24] with him to get the

[01:26:24] money.

[01:26:25] I won his game by £600

[01:26:29] so 6 hours more than

[01:26:30] the person who came

[01:26:31] second, my uncle.

[01:26:33] At first I didn't want

[01:26:34] to accept the money

[01:26:35] only because I didn't

[01:26:36] think it was right to

[01:26:37] play games with people

[01:26:38] without them knowing,

[01:26:39] especially not your

[01:26:40] family.

[01:26:41] But after a while he

[01:26:42] convinced me to take

[01:26:43] my prize money because

[01:26:44] I earned it.

[01:26:46] When I got home I

[01:26:47] told my parents about

[01:26:48] the money and explained

[01:26:49] his game to them.

[01:26:50] I told my mum where

[01:26:52] she came on the

[01:26:52] scoreboard, fourth and

[01:26:54] she was understandably

[01:26:55] upset at her father for

[01:26:56] making us unknowingly

[01:26:58] compete with each other.

[01:26:59] Then she told the rest

[01:27:00] of the family via a

[01:27:01] group chat.

[01:27:02] So now pretty much my

[01:27:04] whole family is mad at

[01:27:05] my grandad for doing

[01:27:06] this but also me for

[01:27:07] accepting the money.

[01:27:09] He's an old man and

[01:27:10] he's not exactly a

[01:27:11] millionaire.

[01:27:12] So they think that I

[01:27:13] should have refused the

[01:27:14] money and confronted

[01:27:15] him for what he did.

[01:27:16] I think that if he was

[01:27:17] willing to play this

[01:27:18] game then he obviously

[01:27:19] has no problem with

[01:27:20] giving the money away

[01:27:21] and he did insist on

[01:27:23] me taking it.

[01:27:24] Also he's always been

[01:27:25] a weird guy so although

[01:27:27] I don't agree with what

[01:27:28] he did, I'm not too

[01:27:29] surprised so I don't

[01:27:31] think I should have to

[01:27:31] start an argument with

[01:27:32] him about it.

[01:27:34] Edit.

[01:27:35] Sorry I didn't make it

[01:27:36] clear enough.

[01:27:36] This took place between

[01:27:37] December 1st and

[01:27:39] December 31st of last

[01:27:41] year but only lasting

[01:27:42] one month.

[01:27:43] Each person who visited

[01:27:44] him had a separate jar

[01:27:46] so my jar had 3200

[01:27:48] pounds in it because I

[01:27:49] spent 32 hours with

[01:27:51] him.

[01:27:52] Other people had

[01:27:52] different amounts in

[01:27:53] their jars but I only

[01:27:54] received what was in

[01:27:56] mine.

[01:27:56] Another edit, thank you

[01:27:58] for all your responses

[01:27:58] so far.

[01:27:59] I've seen a lot of

[01:28:00] comments about how his

[01:28:01] game was unfair because

[01:28:02] some people have more

[01:28:03] free time.

[01:28:04] That's completely true

[01:28:05] although in this case

[01:28:07] don't assume that just

[01:28:08] because I'm young I have

[01:28:09] more free time.

[01:28:10] I have a full time job,

[01:28:11] a partner and a small

[01:28:12] side business to run.

[01:28:14] I have significantly

[01:28:15] less time than most of

[01:28:16] my family apart from

[01:28:17] maybe my uncle who

[01:28:19] works slightly more

[01:28:19] hours than me.

[01:28:20] The majority of my

[01:28:22] family work part time

[01:28:23] or not at all and only

[01:28:24] my aunt has a young

[01:28:26] kid to attend to but

[01:28:27] she doesn't work

[01:28:28] either.

[01:28:29] I'm not saying the

[01:28:30] game was fair but I

[01:28:31] think most of my family

[01:28:32] would not have trouble

[01:28:33] finding the spare time

[01:28:34] to spend with him.

[01:28:35] Some would just rather

[01:28:36] be doing anything else.

[01:28:39] I'm going to try and

[01:28:40] cover a selection of

[01:28:41] comments on this one

[01:28:42] some from the

[01:28:42] controversial section

[01:28:43] which were downvoted

[01:28:44] some of the upvoted

[01:28:45] ones as well.

[01:28:46] So Bowie says not the

[01:28:48] arsehole and if you feel

[01:28:49] bad about receiving this

[01:28:50] money might I suggest

[01:28:51] you spend it on

[01:28:52] experiences for you and

[01:28:53] your granddad to share.

[01:28:55] Hopie responds saying

[01:28:56] he does keep talking

[01:28:57] about wanting to go

[01:28:58] abroad somewhere.

[01:28:59] I could spend it on us

[01:29:00] both having a nice

[01:29:01] holiday.

[01:29:02] Impossible Grill says

[01:29:03] you're the arsehole.

[01:29:04] Your grandfather sounds

[01:29:05] incredibly manipulative.

[01:29:06] I'd have to believe he

[01:29:08] has done things like

[01:29:08] this many times throughout

[01:29:09] his life.

[01:29:10] You should divide the

[01:29:11] money amongst your

[01:29:12] family members or take

[01:29:13] them all out to dinner

[01:29:14] or something and not

[01:29:15] invite him.

[01:29:16] You didn't win anything.

[01:29:17] You continue to just

[01:29:18] be a pawn in his game.

[01:29:20] Either one not very

[01:29:21] bright and thought by

[01:29:22] telling you as well

[01:29:23] letting others know

[01:29:24] they were ranked and

[01:29:25] he would get more

[01:29:26] attention and visitors

[01:29:27] next year.

[01:29:28] Two he did the above

[01:29:29] to divide your family.

[01:29:31] What he could have

[01:29:32] done is said thank you

[01:29:33] for visiting me so much

[01:29:34] this year.

[01:29:34] It meant a lot to me.

[01:29:36] I've been saving some

[01:29:37] money and I'd like you

[01:29:37] to have it.

[01:29:38] Please don't tell anyone

[01:29:39] else.

[01:29:40] I really wanted to do a

[01:29:41] grand gesture for someone

[01:29:42] and I don't want to hurt

[01:29:43] any feelings.

[01:29:44] Instead he told you

[01:29:45] where everyone ranked.

[01:29:47] The one in danger says

[01:29:48] I think Grandpa is the

[01:29:49] arsehole for this

[01:29:50] manipulative game.

[01:29:51] Slope is not the arsehole

[01:29:52] for accepting the money.

[01:29:54] GTA Grandpa is also

[01:29:55] likely very stupid.

[01:29:57] Now that he's played

[01:29:57] this game once

[01:29:58] everyone is going to

[01:29:59] fall over themselves

[01:30:00] to spend time with him

[01:30:01] and it won't be genuine.

[01:30:02] They're just going to

[01:30:03] want his money.

[01:30:05] Stress says not the

[01:30:06] arsehole.

[01:30:06] Personally I think this

[01:30:07] game just shows which

[01:30:08] people in the family

[01:30:09] get along with him

[01:30:10] better and feel a certain

[01:30:11] closeness and

[01:30:12] understanding with your

[01:30:13] grandpa and thus

[01:30:14] spend time together.

[01:30:15] Is it a bit rude to

[01:30:16] put that into monetary

[01:30:18] value?

[01:30:18] A bit.

[01:30:19] But he's free to do

[01:30:20] what he wants.

[01:30:21] Though I suspect now

[01:30:22] he'll just get many

[01:30:23] more visits around

[01:30:24] Christmas and he will

[01:30:25] not give money again

[01:30:26] next year.

[01:30:27] The lady says not

[01:30:28] the arsehole.

[01:30:29] Objectively your

[01:30:30] grandfather has decided

[01:30:31] to give you money

[01:30:32] and that's purely

[01:30:33] between the two of you.

[01:30:34] This should be the

[01:30:35] end of the story.

[01:30:36] Now if you want to

[01:30:37] discuss the gamification

[01:30:39] aspect of it,

[01:30:40] here's what I think.

[01:30:41] Your grandfather has

[01:30:42] noticed things or

[01:30:43] he wouldn't have come

[01:30:44] up with this game and

[01:30:45] to reward certain

[01:30:46] behaviors without

[01:30:47] encouraging pure greedy

[01:30:48] attitudes, he rewards

[01:30:50] them after the fact.

[01:30:51] Family members being

[01:30:52] mad at losing this game

[01:30:54] and showing animosity

[01:30:55] if not jealousy

[01:30:56] because you did

[01:30:57] comes very close to

[01:30:58] an embarrassing

[01:30:59] self-report.

[01:31:00] But now I'm going to

[01:31:02] turn this one to you

[01:31:03] guys.

[01:31:03] What do you guys make

[01:31:05] of this situation?

[01:31:07] Some of the comments

[01:31:08] are all over the place

[01:31:09] in this one saying

[01:31:10] some saying that they

[01:31:11] think that the

[01:31:11] granddad's pretty

[01:31:12] manipulative in this

[01:31:13] situation.

[01:31:14] Some people just

[01:31:14] saying you know it

[01:31:15] was well the

[01:31:16] intentions were good

[01:31:17] but it was just a

[01:31:18] shit execution.

[01:31:20] Other people saying

[01:31:20] it reveals about the

[01:31:21] rest of the family.

[01:31:23] What do you guys make

[01:31:24] of it?

[01:31:24] Let us know your

[01:31:25] thoughts down in the

[01:31:26] comments below.

[01:31:28] And our next story

[01:31:28] comes from

[01:31:29] She's Chaotic Good

[01:31:32] 6599

[01:31:33] and says

[01:31:33] Would I be the

[01:31:34] asshole here

[01:31:35] if I step down

[01:31:36] from being made of

[01:31:37] honor to my

[01:31:38] brother's wedding

[01:31:39] after my future

[01:31:40] sister-in-law

[01:31:40] implied I will ruin

[01:31:42] it because I'm not

[01:31:43] as pretty as I was

[01:31:44] in my 20s?

[01:31:46] Look

[01:31:47] My brother

[01:31:48] male 38

[01:31:49] Aaron

[01:31:50] is super smart

[01:31:51] book wise

[01:31:52] but can be a fool

[01:31:53] when it comes to

[01:31:53] affairs of the

[01:31:54] heart.

[01:31:55] I'm not mad at him

[01:31:56] about this and

[01:31:57] I don't want to

[01:31:57] hurt him but

[01:31:58] Heather

[01:31:59] female 27

[01:32:00] is a Sith Lord

[01:32:02] of a woman

[01:32:03] powerful

[01:32:04] manipulative

[01:32:05] and ugly

[01:32:06] underneath their

[01:32:07] masks.

[01:32:08] It sucks more

[01:32:09] because I

[01:32:10] introduced them.

[01:32:11] Heather and I

[01:32:12] female 32

[01:32:13] met playing

[01:32:14] Dungeons and

[01:32:15] Dragons

[01:32:15] and we stayed

[01:32:17] in touch

[01:32:17] after that group

[01:32:18] disbanded.

[01:32:19] She met Aaron

[01:32:20] at my birthday

[01:32:20] party and they

[01:32:21] dated in secret

[01:32:22] for a year

[01:32:23] before telling

[01:32:23] me and our

[01:32:24] mutual friends.

[01:32:26] They got engaged

[01:32:27] at my next

[01:32:27] birthday party

[01:32:28] and he asked

[01:32:29] me to be his

[01:32:30] best woman

[01:32:31] a female

[01:32:32] best man

[01:32:32] because he

[01:32:33] and I have

[01:32:34] always been

[01:32:34] incredibly close

[01:32:35] and Heather

[01:32:36] frowned at him

[01:32:36] and said

[01:32:37] that was

[01:32:37] ridiculous

[01:32:38] and I

[01:32:39] obviously

[01:32:39] should be

[01:32:40] her maid

[01:32:40] of honor

[01:32:41] since we're

[01:32:42] friends and

[01:32:42] a female

[01:32:43] and women

[01:32:44] go on the

[01:32:45] bride side.

[01:32:46] The moment

[01:32:47] became awkward

[01:32:47] and I told

[01:32:48] them I'm

[01:32:49] happy to

[01:32:49] stand for

[01:32:49] them on

[01:32:50] either side

[01:32:50] because at

[01:32:51] the end

[01:32:51] of the

[01:32:51] day it's

[01:32:52] about them

[01:32:53] as a

[01:32:53] couple not

[01:32:54] the individuals

[01:32:55] whatever they

[01:32:55] wanted worked.

[01:32:57] I'm an

[01:32:58] idiot.

[01:32:59] I can list

[01:33:00] in great

[01:33:00] detail all

[01:33:01] the disturbances

[01:33:02] in the force

[01:33:03] that should have

[01:33:03] told me she

[01:33:04] was far more

[01:33:05] trouble than she

[01:33:06] was worth even

[01:33:07] if she was

[01:33:08] encrusted in

[01:33:08] diamonds but my

[01:33:10] brother had

[01:33:10] been deliriously

[01:33:11] happy and I

[01:33:12] rolled a one

[01:33:13] on insight I

[01:33:14] guess.

[01:33:15] The short

[01:33:15] list of

[01:33:16] problems was

[01:33:17] that Heather

[01:33:17] assumed the

[01:33:18] maid of

[01:33:18] honor is

[01:33:19] also the

[01:33:19] wedding planner,

[01:33:20] point of

[01:33:21] contact of

[01:33:21] the bride,

[01:33:22] free makeup

[01:33:23] artist and

[01:33:23] pays for the

[01:33:24] bridesmaid's

[01:33:25] dresses and

[01:33:25] the bachelorette

[01:33:26] party.

[01:33:27] I compromised

[01:33:28] by committing

[01:33:28] to doing the

[01:33:29] makeup for

[01:33:29] free.

[01:33:30] I did

[01:33:31] modeling in

[01:33:31] my 20s and

[01:33:32] know how

[01:33:33] to make

[01:33:33] due,

[01:33:34] helped plan

[01:33:34] the wedding

[01:33:34] with her

[01:33:35] and my

[01:33:35] brother but

[01:33:36] could not

[01:33:36] financially

[01:33:37] pay for

[01:33:38] the dresses

[01:33:38] she wanted.

[01:33:39] I would

[01:33:39] pay for

[01:33:40] mine but

[01:33:40] not the

[01:33:41] others.

[01:33:42] And the

[01:33:42] parties

[01:33:43] offered to

[01:33:44] do one

[01:33:44] and she

[01:33:45] picked the

[01:33:45] dresses.

[01:33:46] The more

[01:33:46] expensive

[01:33:47] and I

[01:33:47] paid it

[01:33:48] without

[01:33:48] complaint.

[01:33:49] She had

[01:33:50] all the

[01:33:50] bridesmaids

[01:33:51] except for

[01:33:51] me pay for

[01:33:52] the whole

[01:33:52] bachelorette

[01:33:53] trip,

[01:33:53] even those

[01:33:54] who couldn't

[01:33:55] come,

[01:33:55] but blasted

[01:33:56] me in the

[01:33:57] group chat

[01:33:57] about it

[01:33:57] like apologizing

[01:33:59] for the

[01:33:59] cost of

[01:33:59] the trip.

[01:34:00] Since

[01:34:01] OP's not

[01:34:01] financially

[01:34:02] contributing,

[01:34:03] which led to

[01:34:04] the girls

[01:34:04] asking me

[01:34:05] how and

[01:34:06] why I

[01:34:06] ended up

[01:34:06] not paying

[01:34:07] anything.

[01:34:08] Things like

[01:34:08] that kept

[01:34:09] happening.

[01:34:10] I'm going

[01:34:11] to pause

[01:34:12] here and

[01:34:12] say my

[01:34:12] brother is

[01:34:13] a senior

[01:34:13] staff

[01:34:14] engineer at

[01:34:15] a huge

[01:34:15] tech

[01:34:15] company and

[01:34:16] teaches

[01:34:16] programming

[01:34:17] at a

[01:34:17] huge

[01:34:18] school,

[01:34:19] so he

[01:34:19] makes

[01:34:20] plenty

[01:34:20] of

[01:34:20] money.

[01:34:21] When I

[01:34:22] asked my

[01:34:22] brother why

[01:34:22] he wasn't

[01:34:23] helping pay

[01:34:23] for stuff

[01:34:24] at the

[01:34:24] wedding,

[01:34:25] he looked

[01:34:25] incredibly

[01:34:26] puzzled and

[01:34:26] asked what

[01:34:27] I meant.

[01:34:28] I immediately

[01:34:29] shut up

[01:34:29] realizing I

[01:34:30] stepped in

[01:34:30] it and he

[01:34:31] said Heather

[01:34:31] insisted she

[01:34:32] pay for

[01:34:33] her half

[01:34:33] of the

[01:34:34] wedding and

[01:34:35] they joint

[01:34:35] pay the

[01:34:36] joint

[01:34:36] parts,

[01:34:37] make,

[01:34:37] venue,

[01:34:38] etc.

[01:34:38] to say

[01:34:39] to her

[01:34:39] haters she's

[01:34:41] not marrying

[01:34:41] him for

[01:34:41] his money.

[01:34:43] I know

[01:34:43] I'm the

[01:34:43] arsehole for

[01:34:44] stepping in

[01:34:44] that one

[01:34:45] I admit.

[01:34:46] There's

[01:34:47] more but

[01:34:47] I don't

[01:34:48] want this

[01:34:48] to be a

[01:34:48] novel so

[01:34:49] I will

[01:34:49] just jump

[01:34:50] to the

[01:34:50] part I

[01:34:51] might be

[01:34:51] a moral

[01:34:51] arsehole

[01:34:52] for.

[01:34:53] I hosted

[01:34:54] the

[01:34:54] bridesmaid

[01:34:54] and Heather

[01:34:55] at a

[01:34:56] planning party

[01:34:57] she wanted

[01:34:58] and we

[01:34:59] sat working

[01:34:59] on odds

[01:35:00] and ends

[01:35:00] and drinking

[01:35:01] lots of

[01:35:02] wine.

[01:35:03] When one

[01:35:03] of the

[01:35:03] girls,

[01:35:04] Amber,

[01:35:05] female 20,

[01:35:06] asked if she

[01:35:06] can change

[01:35:07] her hair

[01:35:07] colour.

[01:35:08] Her own

[01:35:08] wedding is

[01:35:09] coming up

[01:35:09] and she

[01:35:10] got a

[01:35:10] long

[01:35:10] waitlisted

[01:35:11] spot

[01:35:11] with a

[01:35:12] salon

[01:35:12] on her

[01:35:12] wishlist

[01:35:13] to dye

[01:35:13] her hair

[01:35:14] and she

[01:35:14] wanted

[01:35:15] to go

[01:35:15] red.

[01:35:16] Note,

[01:35:16] I am

[01:35:16] black

[01:35:17] and use

[01:35:17] weave

[01:35:18] to shade

[01:35:18] and style

[01:35:19] my hair

[01:35:19] in crimson

[01:35:20] red twists.

[01:35:21] Amber said

[01:35:22] she would

[01:35:22] want

[01:35:22] to

[01:35:23] my

[01:35:23] shade

[01:35:24] and

[01:35:24] that

[01:35:24] it

[01:35:25] complimented

[01:35:25] my

[01:35:25] skin

[01:35:26] tone.

[01:35:26] Heather

[01:35:27] chuckled

[01:35:27] a bit

[01:35:28] at that

[01:35:28] and

[01:35:28] kind

[01:35:29] of

[01:35:29] looked

[01:35:29] at her

[01:35:30] like

[01:35:30] what?

[01:35:31] And said

[01:35:32] that it

[01:35:32] was fine

[01:35:33] and she's

[01:35:33] no

[01:35:33] bridezilla

[01:35:34] but she'd

[01:35:35] prefer only

[01:35:35] one of us

[01:35:36] to look

[01:35:37] that tacky.