He Lived Rent Free In My House For 8 Years...Then Showed His True Colours r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from NotWillingToShare who says, am I the asshole for kicking out my mom's boyfriend?

[00:00:25] When I was 17, my mom came into money. She tried to keep it quiet but she paid off my dad's debts. Bought him a small house, paid off her debts and paid for my sister's college and set up funds for mine. She had a boyfriend at the time and shortly after, him and his son, who was 7, moved into our new house. Over the next few years, mom bought my sister a house after she graduated college. Her boyfriend lived with us and didn't pay anything but he did work.

[00:00:55] When I was 21, mom got diagnosed with cancer. It wasn't good. She sat me and my sister down and went over exactly how much money was there. She intended to give her current house to me and both me and my sister were left with a large sum at the end of it. She asked if I would allow her boyfriend to stay in the house with his son until he got his own place. I agreed. Before she died, she told her boyfriend he would need to look for his own place. I had time to save more for that journey.

[00:01:24] For the last four years, he's continued to reside in the house with his son. I haven't minded because we get along okay. I pay all the bills but he does buy food for him and his kid. He's dated off and on and mostly kept the women out of this house, which I respected him for until his current partner. She's been in my house three times and at first, besides feeling a little uncomfortable, I was okay with her.

[00:01:48] The last time this past weekend was the point where I lost my shit. I was making myself some lunch when she came walking downstairs. She grabbed a plate and went to grab food out of my pan. I asked her what she thought she was doing. She started telling me how I should look for somewhere else to live and leaching off my dead mom's past relationship as an adult was pathetic. I hollered for my mom's old boyfriend. He came down and I told him, I don't know what he currently thought but I wasn't going to be disrespected in my house.

[00:02:18] He wouldn't even look me in the eyes as he mumbled something about my mom promising him the house and he was just being kind, letting me stay. First, that isn't remotely true. My mom pulled him and I together after she asked if he could stay to set expectations. My mom met him shortly before she won the money and told him and us girls that she had no intention of leaving him money. She did set aside a fund for his son for college when he gets there but he cannot touch it. Only his son can.

[00:02:47] He's lived in this house for almost eight years without paying a dime. He should have plenty of money and if he doesn't, that's on him. I told him he had 30 days to leave. I wasn't going to house someone who would lie and disrespect me in my house. He left that night with his son but his ex-wife called to tell me that I'm cruel and an arsehole for her son losing his house. He's here every other week. I really feel like my mom didn't expect him to still be here but my sister said,

[00:03:15] she feels like I'm breaking my promise to my mom and that made me feel like maybe I am the arsehole. Nah, this guy is just showing his true colors after eight years, eight years of living rent-free. He not only allowed his girlfriend to disrespect OP in her own home by the way but then tried to claim that the house was promised to him. The mom was clear in what she wanted to happen.

[00:03:42] You know, she had that discussion with both of them to ensure that there was no misunderstanding. She was generous with it. OP's been generous with it. You know, if I was in his situation, you'd just be incredibly grateful for OP for allowing him to stay the amount of time that he has. Rent-free. Myself, I'd be trying to make her life as easy as possible. And don't let him guilt you about your mom. Your mom would want what's best for you and, you know, having him out of there right now needs to happen.

[00:04:11] Good advice, Gaye says. Not the arsehole. The critical part here is that your mom asked you to let him stay until he got his own place. And give him time to find one. In that time, instead of looking to move somewhere else, he continued to settle into life in the house. To the point where he even started bringing a new girlfriend along. He moved on but didn't move out. Him lying to her and telling her this was his house tells you everything you need to know about his actual intentions to leave. You kicking him out wasn't abrupt.

[00:04:39] The clock had run out on your mother's kindness and your obligation to her a long time ago. And he was living there on generously borrowed time. Curious Brad says, if it happened exactly how you said it, you're not the arsehole. If she did say he had time to save, but would need to look for his own place, that means she never imagined or wanted him staying for long. So you're breaking no promises. Did she leave him any money or assets?

[00:05:04] It's totally possible that your mother would be livid if she knew her boyfriend was still living with her son after four years. Opie says, no. She created a fund for his son for his college, but that was the only money set aside for him or his son. It's a generous amount, enough for four years at a high dollar school. Anything not used for school will be given to him on his 25th birthday from what I believe she told me. A lawyer and accountant are in charge of those funds, not me or my sister, so I only know what she told us before she died.

[00:05:33] She was never married to or even engaged to her boyfriend. He lived with his sister and was saving for his own house when mum met him. Him moving in with us was supposed to be temporary and allow him to buy and save for his dream home, but he never left. My mum was like that though. She had a big heart and sometimes people took advantage of that, especially after the money.

[00:05:54] She bought him a brand new truck when his car broke down, but beyond that and smaller gifts, like TV, computer, etc. for birthdays and holiday gifts, she did not leave him money. He had no joint accounts. My mum paid everything and he was supposed to be saving for a house the whole time they were together. Love Nana replies that saying, sweetheart, you are not the arsehole. First, I'm so sorry. I'm 63 years old and lost my mum two years ago. My dad eight years ago. I'm not dealing with it well at all.

[00:06:23] You're the only one who knows if you're telling the truth. It seems very plausible to me, but if he was already saving money for a house when he met your mum, then lived four years with her and another four years with you, that man is just a loser. Is there any way your dad could come stay with you the week he moves out? The first thing you need to do is change all the locks and get yourself some sort of security system. Please don't feel bad for making him leave. It seems to me that your mum was really smart and planned things out very carefully.

[00:06:52] Being that he had already lived with her for four years, I agree with commenters who said she was probably thinking a month or two, not years. If your sister makes any more comments, then you can tell her that she's welcome to let him live with her. Again, so sorry for your loss. Please make sure you are safe and take care of yourself. Opie responded saying thank you so much. My mum was the sweetest person and when I was a teenager I feel like I was a nightmare to her.

[00:07:18] I'm thankful I was much better in my late teens and 20 and 21 so she got to see me mature a little before she passed. I wasn't always the best daughter but she was always the best mum. I think part of letting him stay so long is having bonded with his son but also I liked having someone else around who loved my mum too. There were nights I would wake up from a nightmare and end up in the kitchen. He would hear me and they would just come and make a cup of coffee and sit and share a story about her.

[00:07:46] His son loved mum too and some evenings we would get takeouts and watch movies and joke about what commentary my mum would have had if she had seen the movie with us. My sister lives a state away so we only really see each other once a month or so. I like not being alone in this big house. I do have a security system and the locks have been changed. He's coming over tomorrow to get his stuff. So Opie came in with her update and said I know the other sub is very subjective on updates so I figured I would post it here.

[00:08:15] I do want to take a moment to address some things I saw in the comments. One, there were trusts set up and neither me or my sister had full access to the money left us. This was done both because my sister and I were in our early 20s when mum died and she wanted to make sure we had some stability before we had access and to protect us from people who may try to take advantage, especially while we were grieving. Two, I have a lawyer. He has already informed me legally to my area what eviction laws are

[00:08:43] and my mum's former boyfriend will be served with formal eviction papers just to cover myself even after today. So, to the update. My dad came over, decided not to have my boyfriend over since he doesn't know about the money side and I wasn't trying to have the boyfriend out of the situation this morning and brought along my cousin. For easier telling, I'm going to call mum's former boyfriend, C. C showed up at 10am, my time, and talked to my dad and then asked if he could have a couple of minutes alone with me.

[00:09:12] Dad nodded and so my cousin and him went into the kitchen and C and I sat in the living room. I'll be honest, I didn't expect it to go as it had but I'm glad it did. C started with an apology. I don't remember all the words said but the basics were, he missed my mum. He's been lonely but not alone thanks to me and his son. He was sorry for what happened that he got caught up in lust and let someone else fill his head with ideas and he owned up to his mistakes

[00:09:39] and should have never put up with someone who would disrespect me or my mum's memory. He tried to hand me a cashier's check for $15,000. He said it wasn't much but he wanted me to know he appreciated me and living with me and that he wanted me to pay back some of what he owed. I refused a check both in part because I never wanted his money but I also don't want to give any possible legal leg for him to stand on if this is somehow him trying to stay. I told him the first part and told him to put it towards a house.

[00:10:09] He told me he is living with his sister but is going to look at houses with a realtor next week. He did say his son is asking about our next hangout date and said both me and my sister are both welcome to arrange time with him. After all of that my dad and cousin helped him get all of his stuff out of the house that he owned. He had brought a U-Haul and he gave me back my house keys. He apologized again and left. Not what I expected but it went really well. I feel a lot less like I let my mum down.

[00:10:39] And there was a mixture of comments below this. Some people calling the guy professional sponge now that he's turned up at his sister's place and saying you know he's not going to move on from there now. Other people saying it might be just a guy who's lost his way and felt that the $15,000 was genuine but that Opie was smart not to take it in this moment because potential legalities and stuff. I don't know what they could be. Maybe that he's paid his way and therefore has some leverage to stay in the house for X amount of time. I don't know.

[00:11:08] But I think Opie dealt with this really maturely and I think your mum would be super proud of the way that you did deal with it. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Throwaway New Ring who says am I the asshole for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring? I'm 26 male proposing to my girlfriend 24 female

[00:11:37] on our 4th anniversary September 30th. I've been planning this for about a month and I picked the ring a couple of weeks ago. The one I got was on sale so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price. Last weekend I told my brother, 33 male, about my plans and showed him the ring. He informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend, 29 female as well. The next day my brother came to my apartment while my girlfriend was out. He asked me if he could borrow my ring

[00:12:06] to propose to his girlfriend. I thought he was joking at first but no. His plan was to propose to his girlfriend, explain he was using my ring as a placeholder and then take her to pick her own ring later. His reasoning was that he didn't want to spend too much money right away in case she didn't say yes. I've never heard of placeholder ring so I said no and the conversation moved on. On Tuesday he proposed to his girlfriend with my ring. He'd taken it before leaving my apartment.

[00:12:36] I got distracted at work and didn't notice it was gone until his fiancée sent a picture of herself wearing the ring to our family group chat. I called him to ask about the ring and he immediately apologized and said he'd keep his promise and give it back to me. But at this point my girlfriend had seen it and his fiancée had posted about it on social media so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring. We thought about it and he confessed that while he told his fiancée the ring was a placeholder he didn't tell her where he'd gotten it from.

[00:13:07] I felt more angry and betrayed about him going behind my back and taking the ring after I said no than the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiancée enough to know she wouldn't like to learn her engagement ring had been stolen from me. So I told my brother I'll tell her the truth if he didn't buy me a new engagement ring. He fought against it for a few hours but finally he gave up and agreed. We went to a different jewellery store yesterday and I picked the new ring. I managed to stay in the price range but the new one was still $100 more expensive.

[00:13:37] My brother bought the ring but is still accusing me of being inconsiderate and childish. He's insistent he would have given me the ring back had I given the opportunity and I didn't need to threaten him to spend so much money on me. He's now refusing to talk to me. I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I'd usually talk to my brother about these things and it's surreal that he's the one I'm fighting. I can't tell my girlfriend and many of our friends overlap. The only other person who knows about this is our mum who's divided.

[00:14:07] She thinks what my brother did was wrong and I'm right to be pissed at him but I didn't have to stoop as low as I did by threatening his relationship. Am I the arsehole? Edith Accidentally called my girlfriend fiancée. I'm proposing to her on Saturday. I can't tell her about this because I want the proposal to be a surprise. Poe says Not the arsehole. What the fuck is wrong with him? He stole your ring. Does he have some illness or impairment that could excuse this

[00:14:35] or is he just the worst brother in the world? Hopi says He's actually never done anything like this before. He usually has a great relationship. He was the first person I wanted to tell when I first started dating my girlfriend and that I'm proposing to her now. Rev Ragnarok says Not the arsehole. And you may want to consider low contact or no contact. Sidebar, placeholder rings are definitely a thing. I used a less than $20 ring from eBay because I wanted her input on the design and decision of what she'd be wearing for the rest of her life.

[00:15:06] Edith I 1000% wasn't defending the arsehole brother here. Just saying yes, it's a thing. Tyler says Not the arsehole. Your brother created this entire situation and is 100% at fault. If it were me I'd make all four parties sit down and explain everything. You might as well rip the bandaid off now because it's going to come out sooner or later. And it will be much worse if it's later. Another commenter says Not the arsehole. He stole your ring. That was a choice he made.

[00:15:34] And it's also the choice that is threatening his relationship not your reaction and words. It's completely fair if you never trust him again since he also decided that having that ring was more important than a good relationship with you. And one more comment which says What am I even reading? Your brother is an absolute arsehole and you would only do his fiancee service to be honest if you told her about all of this. I'd want to know my SO has this side before getting married to them to make an informed decision. Your mother is also low-key an arsehole here.

[00:16:05] You did not stoop anywhere. If he wasn't a liar, thief and a cheapskate to boot nothing would have been threatened. It was all his own doing. On the contrary he almost ruined your proposal because his girlfriend of course posted the ring in the group chat. Also I must wonder he probably came up with the whole proposal just to be the first one in some weird rivalry with you. He couldn't plan it since he wanted to borrow your ring and could not count on that option before you told him. So he decided to go ahead with the proposal within days only after you told him your plans.

[00:16:35] That's honestly nuts and he has some major complex towards you apparently. And that definitely felt that way to me as well that he wanted to be the first one to propose whether it's because he's just jealous older brother whatever it may be it's just way too convenient that you say you're going to propose and suddenly oh I'm proposing too can I borrow your ring? Like what the fuck? But OP comes in with an update and says first the good news my girlfriend and I are engaged I proposed to her on our anniversary

[00:17:04] just as I'd planned she said yes and we both cried I love this woman and I can't wait to marry her also my brother's single a couple of days after my post my mum called me and apologized after thinking it through she realized that while I did threaten his relationship my brother had brought it upon himself she confronted him the next day and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was my brother is older but I've hit many milestones earlier than him he never seemed bitter about it

[00:17:33] we've always been close and supported each other which is why I was completely blindsided by what he did finding out I was proposing made him panic he spontaneously said he was doing so too but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that's according to him made sense at the time use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later that plan was ruined when I said no so he stole my ring the new plan was to propose with it take her to buy a new one find an excuse

[00:18:03] to visit me the next day and discreetly return the ring to my apartment I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone that plan was also ruined due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement he knew she was doing it but not that she'd show the ring then he got mad I made him get a new ring because he told his girlfriend he'd get her one too so his plan was to spare himself the effort of choosing an engagement ring would end up making him buy too basically my mum got him to admit his whole engagement was a panic move she said he'd already

[00:18:33] seemed embarrassed when they started talking but was a wreck by the time they were done she told him to apologize to me and he called me an hour later to do so he seemed sincere many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth and I agree the only reason I hadn't done so was because I thought that should come from my brother so I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her he'd tell her the truth he did I didn't know much of what was said but she dumped him he gave me back the first ring and refused my offer

[00:19:03] to pay him back what he'd spent on this new one as some of you recommended I waited two days after proposing to tell my fiance what happened she was furious but reassured me that she loved her ring more than any other since the first one was on sale I can't return it to the store so we're thinking of selling it I haven't forgiven my brother but because he's never done anything like this before I'm willing to give him another chance I'm going low contact for now I have to earn my trust back I really hope he does

[00:19:33] I love him and I don't want our relationship to end over what he did both my fiance and my mum agree with me on this there's more I want to add but the word limit is not helping I'll try to reply to more comments this time thank you all and there was a lot of comments after this one basically just talking about how surprising the behaviour was from his brother saying he's not usually competitive like this and he's been very supportive of Opie throughout their whole life and Opie said themselves that they're not

[00:20:03] trying to defend him and they're still pissed but the behaviour was super surprising but it legitimately felt like reading the story and not making excuses for what he did or whatever because there is no excuses for it but it just felt like a real panic moment like oh my younger brother's getting married and he's done everything before me so I need to do it quickly and like I said no excuses for it but that's what it felt like to me reading it and in some ways I hope that they are able to build their relationship back up to the point of trust at some point

[00:20:32] I mean I always find it difficult especially when stealing's involved but it does sound like there is a lot of love between them unless brother's been hiding a secret side of him for a while but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one

[00:21:01] take care and much love