He Has A Ring And Is Planning To Propose On Our Anniversary But I've Checked Out r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story is from a subreddit we haven't covered before. It comes from WaitingToWed from Feisty8799. And it says,

[00:00:26] He has a ring and I found out that he's planning to propose on our anniversary. But I feel like I've mentally checked out. One and a half years after he first told me we were going to get engaged soon. My partner bought the ring a long time ago. He previously insisted that we had to live together to see if we're compatible before he could propose and that he wouldn't propose otherwise.

[00:00:50] I've been ready for much longer than he has. And that's not his fault, of course. But after waiting and waiting, I've gone from anxiety to hope to excitement and finally just numbness. He didn't intend for me to know, but my sister who helped him finalize the ring out of the ones I had liked was happy about it and couldn't keep the secret that he's proposing in just under a week.

[00:01:14] It makes sense now that he was trying to get me to take a couple of days off to go away for a mini break to a town in which we met. But I couldn't get leave approved. She noticed that I've been feeling quite low throughout the holiday season and she thought it was because I was waiting for a proposal. The reality is that I gave up on it a month or two ago. I've tried to convince myself that it's what I still want, but that ship has sailed. It's quite strange to be in the process of falling out of love with him gradually.

[00:01:44] He's 29 and I'm about to turn 29. I fear I'm being irrational here because in total we've been together for only three years. But he's been telling me for one and a half years that he will soon propose. I feel compelled to say yes now because everything is in place, but I don't feel in love with him anymore. He seems happy to talk about marriage now and has brought up marrying in autumn a bunch of times. And I wish I still felt the same joy at discussing wedding plans that I did before.

[00:02:14] So people were asking OP a bunch of questions. Someone said to OP, three years is nothing considering you could spend the rest of your life with this person. Be glad you realize now. OP says I've only begun feeling this way because he kept saying a proposal was coming soon and didn't propose for one and a half years. And his insistence on living together when he knew it was not something I was comfortable with without being engaged.

[00:02:39] How long ago did OP move in with her boyfriend and was it fine for her to live with him? OP says only a few months ago and I shouldn't have done it because I was not happy to. OP says I used to share a flat with my friend and had done so for years. The only way to live together was to move into the flat that he's been renting because he lives on his own. Big mistake doing something that didn't feel right to me at all.

[00:03:03] And no, it's actually been fine living with him but living together before engagement was really something I did not want to do. But he made it a condition to getting married after he brought the ring earlier in the year. I shouldn't have agreed to it but I did. And that's where the resentment has come from. Along with the one and a half year wait. Another commenter says to OP, To feel that much resentment after such a short time is a sign you weren't right for each other anyway.

[00:03:30] Honestly, three years of dating and requesting to live with each other before marriage are totally reasonable at your age. Objectively, you're being a bit unfair here. But if you're not just feeling it anymore, so be it. It's better to end things now before the engagement. This is no base for a lifetime commitment. OP says I don't think feeling resentment after waiting one and a half years is soon at all. He said he would propose soon and soon is not more than a few months. Certainly not over a year.

[00:03:59] He should have been honest that he wasn't ready instead of dragging this for one and a half years. Someone accuses of OP for blaming her boyfriend for her choices and she needs to communicate with her boyfriend about the issue. OP responder said I don't believe I am. Especially as he wasn't communicating early with me on the issue until a few months ago. Sometimes you do things you feel will work out fine but you don't realize until later how they will make you feel.

[00:04:25] I felt pushed into making that decision because of the various conversations that we had earlier this year. In which he shared things that he should have done a long time ago. Someone says to OP two questions. Numbness aside. Do you want to marry him? Like take away all of the pomp and circumference or circumstance and the emotional politics around it. Do you want him to be your life partner? Two. What the fuck is up with your sister? Why did she spill the beans?

[00:04:54] I get if she knew you were checking out and felt you need the heads up. But if she didn't know that and it doesn't sound like she did. What she did isn't okay. Anyway. It's normal to be almost a little blue when getting engaged later than you wanted. It doesn't mean this won't work out. Unless she don't want it to. It could mean you just need to have a good healthy fight where you air out all your frustration that has held you hostage on this for so long. OP says one.

[00:05:21] There was a time until recently when I really wanted him to be my life partner. And I thought we were a good match but not anymore. Two. Two. She was mistaken and thought that I'd been feeling low because he hadn't proposed. So she was trying to cheer me up thinking I'd be thrilled. He told he had everything planned and ready for a proposal on our anniversary. So she thought I would be happy. It just feels like that the total lack of communication in this.

[00:05:48] Especially like when you're living together and potential for marriage etc. For me I'd want to live with someone before I get engaged to them anyway. I think that's a good thing in my opinion. And I was kind of wondering what the reason is not to move in together before marriage. It just felt like there was something else there. I don't know what that could be but we've read many things in the past about religion and cultures etc etc. That I'm not going to speculate what it is. But moving in before getting engaged seems like a good thing.

[00:06:18] Because there's so much stuff that you can start to resent each other for once you do move in together. And this was all under three years. I was like oof. But OP came in with an update and said in the middle of 2023 he said he was proposing soon. But a year later he still hadn't and finally admitted he wouldn't until we lived together. Even though he had bought a ring. This was despite me asking him a couple of times what was holding things up. And he always assured me it would happen soon.

[00:06:48] After he finally shared this with me he kept insisting I move in. Even though I wasn't interested in that before an engagement. But I did because of how much I loved him. And the resentment has been slowly building up ever since. I know it's my fault for moving in and I should have been firmer about my boundaries. He knew from very early on that I didn't want to set up a household slash home with a partner without an engagement. Early in the relationship, eight to nine months in, he wanted me to move in.

[00:07:17] But I told him that I wouldn't do that with someone unless I was going to marry the person and was engaged. He said at the time that was okay and that he understood. So why did he say he was going to propose soon last year? Knowing where we stood on this matter. Knowing he was going to propose and realizing I didn't want to marry him anymore. I told him on Saturday night that we couldn't be together anymore. He didn't take it well. He told me I'd blindsided him and that he thought we both wanted a future together.

[00:07:46] He initially said he didn't know what he did wrong. And I had to explain to him that he knew we had issues with him regarding him always having his way and him knowing I was uncomfortable about moving in before an engagement. The truth is, whenever we disagree, I always end up giving in. He doesn't compromise and isn't very flexible. I've pointed this out to him before. And he accepted that it was an issue yet nothing changed. Now that I'm ending things, he said he'll work on it and it's not something to break up over.

[00:08:16] We could probably work through the resentment and improve our communication. But I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way about him again. Also, given that he kept saying he was proposing soon but waited for 18 months, I worried that he might again drag his feet when it comes to other things like having kids or even with planning the wedding. He woke up this morning, the 31st, the day he was planning to propose on, as it's our anniversary, and said he couldn't believe what was happening.

[00:08:42] He said it didn't feel real because we should be getting engaged today, but instead we're in the process of breaking up. He even asked at one point if we could try again, saying our relationship had been happy for both of us. And that living together, we had been very compatible irrespective of how I felt about moving in. He asked if I would consider giving the relationship another chance. We took a break from each other for some time. Again, I don't think this is a good idea. The days since I ended the relationship have been really tough,

[00:09:11] but it was the right thing to do because we are incompatible. People in my previous post mentioned that I just wanted to marry and get engaged and didn't care who to. But that's not true. My ex, whom I was with from university, was keen to marry me and brought it up soon after we started our first jobs. However, there were a range of issues in that relationship and I didn't think it would work. So after trying to resolve our issues and not being able to for a year, I had to end that relationship.

[00:09:38] If a marriage and engagement were all I wanted, I would have married him and ignored the issues. I genuinely thought my current partner, well, ex now, and I were a great match. But I suppose I was wrong. I was living in a flat with a friend and it was my ideal for me in every way. I had to find someone to take over my lease and I did this to move in with him. Now I have to start looking for a new place again. I've already started and fortunately, I live in a city where finding a place won't be too difficult.

[00:10:08] My friend said I should not move out in a rush since I'm paying for half the rent towards his place. But the reality is that this place never felt like home because I moved in begrudgingly. Again, I know it's my fault. But I can't live in what is essentially his home if we aren't going to be together. My sister said that I should think about the fact that I'm going to be 29 and how it might be difficult to find someone to have children with before I hit my mid-30s.

[00:10:40] I know I might not meet anyone else anytime soon or at all. Because you never know what life is going to bring, but that's okay. There are other things in my life that I plan to focus on, like studying for a post-grad diploma that I've been wanting to do for some time. I know he'll be fine soon as he's quite resilient. And then both of us can get on with our lives. A commenter who was downvoted in this case says,

[00:11:05] In this case, his hesitancy has paid off because it allowed the OP to realize that they weren't compatible for reasons unrelated to proposing. He was correct not to propose. It saved a future divorce. This wasn't his intent, but the overall issue here was the OP wasn't happy with how decisions were made in the relationship. The partner was. It took years for the OP to express this. Now that she has, both can move on with their lives. In this case, the issue appears to be she didn't communicate with him the issue she was having.

[00:11:35] It was quite clear that he wanted to live with someone before getting married and proposed after a reasonable length of time after it occurred. It's good she was finally able to communicate and move on. OP says he was not clear about this and waited a year to tell me why he wasn't proposing. And this was after earlier in the relationship, when he wanted us to live together, I told him I wouldn't live with someone unless the relationship was going to lead to marriage and I was engaged. And he said that was fine and continued the relationship.

[00:12:05] Someone said to OP, did he help with bills? Why did he need you to move in and pay half? OP says he didn't need help with paying the bills, but I chose to pay as I think that's fair. I would not be comfortable with him picking up the bills for both of us when we both work. Another commenter says he didn't fight for you. You'll meet the one. You know now what you don't want and that's a good start and stick to your boundaries and goals, always.

[00:12:30] OP says he's been quite difficult since that day, particularly about me leaving and looking for somewhere to move. But I don't want him to make it any more difficult by fighting for me. Just can't wait to be out of this place. Another commenter says he doesn't compromise and isn't very flexible. I've pointed this out to him before and he accepted that it was an issue, yet nothing changed. Then says you were doing the right thing. Another commenter says don't fall for the trap of going back to a man who's only willing to consider changing his ways when you're already one foot out the door.

[00:13:00] He won't change. And even if he does, it will only be temporary. I felt like I was going a little bit mad in those comments after the update. For me, it felt like the most logical one was downvoted. I was like, oh, okay, maybe I've totally missed something here. But what do you guys make of this situation? For me, I think, you know, there is no proposal. There is no marriage and that relationship is a good thing. But what do you guys think? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:13:28] And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Proud Holiday 8. And it says, am I the asshole for child locking my aunt and then leaving her at a gas station? And this has some trigger warnings on it. So up to you if you want to listen to the story. Timestamps are down in the description. It will likely be the last story of the video. The trigger warnings are stalking, death threats, abusive behavior, entitlement and potential incest.

[00:13:58] My 16 female aunt, 33 female, lives with my family. She has me drive her around and refuses to sit in the front passenger seat because she wants to act like it's a taxi slash chauffeur situation. Which is shitty of her, but I haven't said anything. The other day we were driving through a restaurant drive-thru and it was packed. The parking lot was full. My aunt got out of the car while we were in the drive-thru and I asked what the fuck she was doing. She told me she was getting claustrophobic.

[00:14:28] I told her to stay in the car so she doesn't get hit by another car. My reasoning for saying this is she wanted to walk close to the actual road to smoke. Where traffic's busy. You know, normal road. She ignored me and got out anyway. And when I pulled up to the drive-thru window, I got out and put child lock on the back doors. I did this because my aunt has done this several times before. She has almost gotten hit when she does it and has once had her foot run over by a car because she does it.

[00:14:56] Which by the way, she blamed on me even though another car ran over her foot. I got our food. My aunt gets back in. We got on the main road. And it's a traffic jam. My aunt tries getting out of the car again and finds that she's child locked. She starts screaming and cussing at me, calling me a little motherfucker and screaming at me to let her out. So when we pulled over again, I pulled over, let her out and told her she could call someone else for a ride home. I left her at a gas station.

[00:15:25] I got home and my parents asked me where my aunt was. I explained what happened. My mom told me I was in the right and my dad flipped his shit. He told me to go out and pick her back up. And I told her to pick her up himself because I'm done driving her around because she acts like a toddler. He decided it was appropriate to call me a spoiled bitch before leaving to pick her up. Am I the arsehole for locking my aunt and then leaving her at a gas station? Info. The traffic jam I mentioned.

[00:15:55] One lane stopped while the other right next to it kept moving. People were actively moving and getting into the lane that wasn't stopped. Also, no, my aunt doesn't have a mental disability. She's just been spoiled by her parents and my dad. And yes, she is my dad's sister. Also, also, my dad has made a deal with me to get a car. I saved up $2,000 as a down payment for the car and he'd make monthly payments of $200 to the guy we bought the car from. Or so he tells me.

[00:16:24] At this point in time, I've paid more for the car than he has and I've only had it for four months. And yes, I work, or rather worked. I got laid off back when everything shut down. Second edit for info. I didn't leave her stranded. She had her phone and if she chose not to call someone, that's on her. Also, you know how some people go really fast in a residential neighborhood? Apply that to the restaurant's parking lot. People get really mad slash fast in Chick-fil-A parking lots for some reason.

[00:16:54] Apologies if I got the Chick-fil-A wrong. I'm pretty sure I get that wrong every time. I can't remember. Also, also again. I'm in America. We get our licenses at 16 and I'm almost 17. And yes, I pay for my own gas to drive dear auntie around. My dad, the one who called me a spoiled bitch, raised me not expecting anything to just be handed to me. If I were out of gas on a back road, he would leave me there and tell me to figure it out. This is from experience.

[00:17:22] Another entitled family member. Absolutely not the asshole at all. She was somewhere safe. Someone else can pick her up. She can get a taxi. She got loads of options. You know, if someone's driving you around being nice to you, don't treat them like shit. Don't call them a motherfucker. It's really that simple. If someone's willing to go out of their way to help you out, you make their lives easy. Can I pay for your gas? Can I contribute towards your gas? Can I pay for your meal in the drive-thru? Something like that.

[00:17:49] Or even just using your words and saying, thank you so much for what you're doing for me. It's really not difficult, is it? But the first commenter who was downvoted says, you're the asshole. What the fuck is wrong with you? If you're driving off without her, what was the fucking point of locking her in? Opie says, I locked her in because I didn't think she'd start screeching like a banshee on a main road. I didn't want to get pulled over by a cop with her screaming in the back seat. Seems like a pretty bad situation to try and explain to a police officer.

[00:18:18] Someone says to Opie, please tell me you got your way Opie. And your punk ass dad didn't ruin your life for standing up to his deranged sister and his tyrant ass. Opie says, he took the car keys from me and told me I'm not getting them back for a while. Though, I don't know if that counts as ruining my life. Messy J-Hen says, wait, why doesn't she drive herself? Opie says she doesn't have a license and refuses to get one. And the top commenter says, not the arsehole. Who gets out of the car in the middle of a traffic jam?

[00:18:48] Don't drive her anymore. If she wants a chauffeur, she can hire one. So a year later, Opie comes in with an update and says, this is way overdue, I think. And I'm not sure if anyone will see it, but I do want to kind of talk about what happened. So not long after the original post, my mom and dad split. Mom took me. Dad stayed in the house with my aunt. Oh dear. I think those trigger warnings are coming in soon.

[00:19:15] Mom and I moved halfway across the country and we have an apartment now. Mom and dad are in the process of getting divorced and it's surprisingly civil. He's also put my car in my mom's name and I have it again. Found out something. My aunt was apparently diagnosed as a narcissist. Though I'm not sure if that counts as a mental disorder. More about my aunt and my dad. Looking back, their relationship was really fucking creepy while mom and I were living there.

[00:19:42] I don't want to say it was incestual, but it definitely wasn't a normal sibling relationship. Also, and kind of worse, my aunt got caught stalking my mom and I before we moved to where we are now. She even threatened to kill my mom several times over the phone and through mail. She, aunt, was doing it pretty frequently a while back. But now she's only doing it semi-frequently. I think my mom's trying to get a restraining order against my aunt. It's a little difficult right now, but my mom and I are doing okay.

[00:20:11] She's going to put me in therapy soon because I've been taking a lot of this really hard. Mom thinks I have anxiety and she just wants to make sure I'm really okay. Holy moly. What a messed up situation. And I'm not sure how restraining orders work and how hard it is to get them. But surely if you take a letter where you've been threatened to be killed by that person, a restraining order should be the minimum, right?

[00:20:40] Again, I don't know the ins and outs of it. So you have to let me know on that one. But holy shit. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support and your time. It always truly means the absolute world to me. I know I say it every single time, but I really do appreciate you taking the time out of your day to be here. It means the absolute world to me. I can't believe I'm still here doing this. I'm blown away. Thank you. And I will see you in the next one.

[00:21:09] Take care and much love.