Girlfriend Wants To REDO Proposal Because It Wasn't Her Dream One r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now, today's first story comes from Dover Calais who says I, 25 male, proposed to my girlfriend, 24 female, of four years. But she said no because it wasn't a surprise. They said, I'll start by saying I love my girlfriend a lot but she is definitely high maintenance. We've been talking about getting married for a couple of years now but I wanted to wait until I knew a wedding. A wedding was something we could afford. I finally got a promotion and she found stable employment.

[00:00:50] So I went out and bought a ring. We went on a vacation last week. The whole trip was very romantic and I proposed to her on a beach which I thought she would have wanted. Turns out she expected it all along because the trip was so romantic and she said no. She wants me to try again but wants it to be a surprise this time. She also wants a photographer to be there to capture the moment. It was pretty fucking embarrassing when a few people came up to us to congratulate us and she was explaining why I didn't want to do it.

[00:01:20] She said no. I'm not sure what to do. She wanted it to be a surprise but also wanted me to propose as soon as I felt ready to. We also talked about her ideal engagement and it's on a beach. Yes, seriously. In a forest or in a field. I can't imagine any possible scenario where I could surprise her at one of those locations.

[00:01:41] She is not the outdoorsy type so it would be unlikely she would be in any of those locations anyway.

[00:01:47] I explained my frustration to her and she just said, well, if you want to get married you will find a way to make it work.

[00:01:53] It seemed so bratty and immature. I'm not sure how to deal with her now.

[00:01:58] I'm still really pissed off about it.

[00:02:00] What should I do about this?

[00:02:02] Am I wrong to be pissed off?

[00:02:06] So initially there were some comments from people with OP responding to them.

[00:02:11] Panic Bread said, your girlfriend doesn't sound nearly mature enough to get married.

[00:02:15] Take this as a sign of your life to come and get out.

[00:02:18] OP says, I think you're right.

[00:02:20] I've been trying to justify it for her but judging by the overwhelming response,

[00:02:24] I should probably break it off.

[00:02:26] Dobby Chief says, ask your good friends their truthful opinion on her.

[00:02:30] Make sure to let them know that they won't get backlash for saying something bad.

[00:02:35] They know better than us.

[00:02:37] OP says, my friends can't stand her.

[00:02:40] DRH says, take the ring back to the jeweler.

[00:02:43] Does she want an engagement or does she want a marriage?

[00:02:45] I can totally see Bridezilla growing on her already.

[00:02:49] Yikes.

[00:02:50] OP says, yeah, that's another thing.

[00:02:52] When we're talking about her dream proposal,

[00:02:54] she was showing me her Pinterest for a dream wedding

[00:02:57] and it's full of stuff we won't ever be able to afford.

[00:03:00] I told her it's unlikely our wedding would be like that

[00:03:03] but we could still make it nice.

[00:03:05] And she'd said she'd rather wait till we can afford her dream wedding.

[00:03:09] MM172 says, and by rather wait,

[00:03:11] I suspect she means nag you about either getting a better job

[00:03:14] or taking out a loan to pay for what she wants.

[00:03:17] Don't do this to yourself, man.

[00:03:19] OP says, yeah, she told me I could start selling some of the furniture I make,

[00:03:23] which is something I do as a hobby

[00:03:25] that she wants me to turn into a second job.

[00:03:28] Yeah, she sounds like an absolute pain in the ass.

[00:03:33] And I'm not hating on having, you know,

[00:03:35] a dream situation where you're getting proposed.

[00:03:37] So I imagine many people have that

[00:03:38] and I don't see anything wrong with that.

[00:03:41] But OP did think about it.

[00:03:43] He did think that she wanted it on a beach

[00:03:45] and went and did that

[00:03:46] and was making the whole trip very romantic

[00:03:48] but then turned him down

[00:03:50] because it's not quite the way she wanted it.

[00:03:52] I mean, you know, that would really piss me off

[00:03:54] if I was in OP shoes.

[00:03:56] And then with the additional information

[00:03:58] that was coming forward in those comments,

[00:04:00] I think, yeah, can you imagine

[00:04:02] setting up the wedding with her?

[00:04:04] What an absolute bloody nightmare that's going to be.

[00:04:08] Run.

[00:04:09] I'm just going to add one more comment on

[00:04:11] before we go to the update.

[00:04:12] Commenter says, okay,

[00:04:14] as an older Redditor and a woman,

[00:04:16] I want you to think past

[00:04:17] that incredibly self-centered reaction to your proposal

[00:04:19] and think honestly about building a life together.

[00:04:22] I've been married for over 20 years

[00:04:24] to a mostly amazing guy

[00:04:25] and we have experienced some incredible highs

[00:04:27] but also some devastating lows.

[00:04:30] Would your girlfriend have your back

[00:04:32] in some of my situations?

[00:04:34] My husband made a fortune and lost the fortune.

[00:04:37] Would your SO still be with you

[00:04:39] if you went from a mansion to an apartment?

[00:04:41] Have wiped his mother's butt

[00:04:43] and been her caregiver during her Alzheimer's?

[00:04:45] Would your SO be willing

[00:04:47] to do the disgusting sacrifices?

[00:04:48] When my first child had surgery three times in one year

[00:04:52] but he was only three,

[00:04:54] I had to be the one to calm him down

[00:04:55] and hold him for anesthetics to work.

[00:04:58] Would your SO be strong enough

[00:04:59] to do the necessary stuff?

[00:05:01] When my husband got injured at work

[00:05:03] and couldn't bring in the money,

[00:05:04] I went back to full-time work

[00:05:06] and did overtime for bills.

[00:05:08] Would your SO support you?

[00:05:09] When his dad died,

[00:05:11] I organized a funeral around his wishes.

[00:05:13] Not common sense.

[00:05:14] Would your SO support you emotionally

[00:05:16] when you're devastated?

[00:05:17] A proposal is an invitation

[00:05:20] to a committed relationship.

[00:05:21] Marriage is more than a piece of paper.

[00:05:23] It is a formal commitment to each other

[00:05:25] and your life together as a team.

[00:05:27] She turned down your invitation

[00:05:29] for a surprise with a photographer.

[00:05:31] What will she do when life gets hard?

[00:05:34] So OP came in with a update

[00:05:36] and said,

[00:05:37] here's a link to my last post

[00:05:38] but it got deleted.

[00:05:39] To summarize,

[00:05:40] I proposed to my girlfriend

[00:05:41] on a nice vacation

[00:05:42] and she rejected it

[00:05:44] because she knew it was coming

[00:05:45] and there wasn't a photographer.

[00:05:47] Thank you all for your comments and messages.

[00:05:49] Sorry I couldn't respond to most

[00:05:50] but I read them all.

[00:05:51] I decided to try and talk about it

[00:05:53] with her one last time

[00:05:54] before throwing in the towel.

[00:05:56] I wasn't really expecting much

[00:05:58] but I wanted to see

[00:05:59] if she'd see my side.

[00:06:01] She lives with me

[00:06:02] so I wanted to end things on a good note.

[00:06:04] She didn't understand at all.

[00:06:06] She was still saying

[00:06:06] I needed to work for it

[00:06:08] and she wasn't taking me seriously

[00:06:09] so I broke up with her.

[00:06:11] Then she told me

[00:06:12] she accepts my proposal

[00:06:14] and we're just going through a rough patch

[00:06:15] but we will work it out.

[00:06:17] She was really trying to get me

[00:06:18] to change my mind

[00:06:19] and was promising me

[00:06:20] she would be better to me.

[00:06:21] She completely ignored me

[00:06:23] every time I told her

[00:06:24] we're breaking up

[00:06:24] and was always yelling over me

[00:06:26] about how we're going

[00:06:27] to work things out now

[00:06:28] that we're engaged

[00:06:29] and eventually

[00:06:30] I just got tired

[00:06:31] and went to sleep

[00:06:32] thinking it was perfectly clear

[00:06:33] that we're over.

[00:06:34] I woke up Saturday

[00:06:36] to a whole bunch of messages.

[00:06:38] She found the ring

[00:06:39] and took a pic with it

[00:06:40] on announcing our engagement

[00:06:41] and tagged me in it on Facebook.

[00:06:43] We got into another huge fight

[00:06:45] and eventually

[00:06:45] I just called her parents

[00:06:46] and told them to come

[00:06:47] pick up all her shit

[00:06:49] or it's going to the dump

[00:06:50] as soon as she leaves.

[00:06:51] They were surprisingly understanding.

[00:06:54] The dad seemed really embarrassed by her

[00:06:55] but they were a huge help.

[00:06:57] I know it's illegal to do that

[00:06:59] and I was supposed to actually evict her

[00:07:01] but she got seriously violent

[00:07:03] and I didn't want her in my house anymore.

[00:07:05] She smashed my iPad

[00:07:06] and knocked my PlayStation

[00:07:08] off the TV stand

[00:07:09] and both are completely broken

[00:07:11] so I didn't want to wait around

[00:07:13] and see what else she would do.

[00:07:14] She wouldn't even give me the ring back.

[00:07:16] Her dad had to guilt her into it.

[00:07:18] It was pretty pathetic.

[00:07:21] So that's the end of us.

[00:07:23] Really sucks

[00:07:24] I wasted the last four years with her

[00:07:25] but I guess it was better

[00:07:26] to get out now.

[00:07:28] It's nice that I can hang out

[00:07:29] with all my friends again.

[00:07:30] A girl I'm friends with

[00:07:32] asked me out on a date

[00:07:33] so that's what I'm doing tomorrow.

[00:07:35] I'm actually pretty nervous.

[00:07:37] I know it's way too early

[00:07:38] but even if it doesn't work out

[00:07:40] it should be fun

[00:07:41] to start dating again.

[00:07:43] Someone commented on the back of that

[00:07:44] with like dating the next day

[00:07:46] and the commenter said

[00:07:47] too soon bro.

[00:07:49] Opie said she knows

[00:07:50] the entire situation.

[00:07:51] It's not serious.

[00:07:52] She told me years ago

[00:07:53] she had a crush on me

[00:07:54] but we're good friends now.

[00:07:56] Who knows what will happen.

[00:07:57] Cat Juggler says

[00:07:58] hmm

[00:07:58] perhaps this is why

[00:08:00] your crazy ex

[00:08:01] did not like your girlfriends.

[00:08:03] Opie says

[00:08:03] yeah

[00:08:04] that's what started it.

[00:08:05] I don't blame my girlfriend

[00:08:07] for that.

[00:08:07] I shut my friend down

[00:08:09] and then

[00:08:09] told my girlfriend about it

[00:08:11] because I didn't want

[00:08:11] to keep things from her.

[00:08:13] I don't think I did anything

[00:08:14] wrong in that situation

[00:08:15] but after that

[00:08:17] she didn't want me

[00:08:18] talking to any women.

[00:08:19] I'm not talking about

[00:08:20] the date or anything

[00:08:21] I think Opie's doing

[00:08:22] the right thing

[00:08:23] with not being

[00:08:24] with this person anymore

[00:08:25] and I think there was

[00:08:26] huge signs when

[00:08:27] Opie's friend group

[00:08:28] not just one person

[00:08:29] but the group

[00:08:30] didn't like her

[00:08:32] and from the end

[00:08:32] of the post

[00:08:33] it sounded like

[00:08:33] Opie was actually

[00:08:34] not allowed to hang

[00:08:35] around with them

[00:08:36] which is you know

[00:08:36] red flags all over

[00:08:38] and the fact that

[00:08:39] she turned violent

[00:08:39] she was destroying stuff

[00:08:41] it could have been

[00:08:42] absolutely horrific

[00:08:43] you know

[00:08:44] if you did continue

[00:08:45] the relationship

[00:08:46] with her.

[00:08:47] Definitely

[00:08:47] dodged a bullet

[00:08:48] in that situation

[00:08:49] in my opinion

[00:08:50] but what do you guys

[00:08:51] make of this one?

[00:08:52] Let us know

[00:08:53] your thoughts down

[00:08:54] in the comments below

[00:08:55] and let's move on

[00:08:57] to another story.

[00:08:59] Our next story

[00:09:00] comes from

[00:09:00] the true

[00:09:00] off my chest

[00:09:01] subreddit

[00:09:02] from adventurous

[00:09:03] aside 600

[00:09:04] and says

[00:09:04] my fiance's best friend

[00:09:06] is making my life

[00:09:07] a living hell.

[00:09:09] My fiance has

[00:09:10] the biggest heart

[00:09:11] would literally

[00:09:12] give you the shirt

[00:09:13] pants and hat

[00:09:14] off his body

[00:09:15] if you ask for it.

[00:09:16] He's a recovering

[00:09:17] people pleaser

[00:09:18] and I get it

[00:09:18] because I also

[00:09:19] used to be

[00:09:20] a people pleaser.

[00:09:21] We've been together

[00:09:22] for 5 plus years.

[00:09:23] A few months ago

[00:09:25] I started picking up

[00:09:26] on his best friend

[00:09:26] making some

[00:09:27] not so nice comments

[00:09:28] towards me.

[00:09:29] I'm trying to be vague

[00:09:30] but let's just say

[00:09:31] this friend is the type

[00:09:33] to read who in the room

[00:09:34] will be most affected

[00:09:35] by being picked on

[00:09:36] and then he picks

[00:09:38] and picks

[00:09:38] and picks on them

[00:09:39] until they can't

[00:09:40] take it anymore.

[00:09:41] Nobody ever holds

[00:09:42] him accountable

[00:09:43] for this

[00:09:44] and unfortunately

[00:09:44] I've somehow

[00:09:46] become his favorite target.

[00:09:47] I tried to put up

[00:09:48] with these comments

[00:09:49] but it started

[00:09:50] getting really elaborate.

[00:09:51] A friend would

[00:09:52] make up lies

[00:09:53] about me

[00:09:53] saying things

[00:09:54] I never said.

[00:09:55] He once called

[00:09:56] me in front

[00:09:57] of our friends

[00:09:57] my fiance included

[00:09:58] just to yell

[00:09:59] you're a bad friend

[00:10:01] into the phone

[00:10:02] and then hang up.

[00:10:03] There's so much

[00:10:04] to it that

[00:10:04] I can't share

[00:10:05] because I'm trying

[00:10:06] to be somewhat

[00:10:07] anonymous.

[00:10:08] It started having

[00:10:08] an effect on me

[00:10:09] and my mental health

[00:10:10] and I ended up

[00:10:11] having a full breakdown

[00:10:12] where I told my fiance

[00:10:13] how much this was

[00:10:14] all starting to hurt me.

[00:10:16] The first time

[00:10:17] I broke down

[00:10:17] over this

[00:10:18] he said he would

[00:10:19] talk to his friend

[00:10:19] about teasing

[00:10:20] and messing with me less.

[00:10:22] He then told me

[00:10:23] his friend was sorry

[00:10:24] and that did keep

[00:10:25] an ear out

[00:10:25] for any other comments

[00:10:26] and he'd jumped

[00:10:27] to my defense

[00:10:28] if it happened again.

[00:10:29] A few weeks later

[00:10:30] I had a second

[00:10:30] breakdown over all this.

[00:10:32] The situation itself

[00:10:33] is hitting a very

[00:10:34] specific childhood

[00:10:35] trauma slash trigger

[00:10:36] for me

[00:10:37] and he admitted

[00:10:38] that his friend

[00:10:38] didn't actually apologize.

[00:10:40] He actually said

[00:10:41] he was sorry

[00:10:42] I was too sensitive

[00:10:43] to understand his humor.

[00:10:45] At that point

[00:10:46] I told my fiance

[00:10:47] my friendship

[00:10:47] with this person

[00:10:48] is over

[00:10:48] and I want zero

[00:10:50] contact from here on out

[00:10:51] even if it means

[00:10:52] I have to miss out

[00:10:53] on events and parties

[00:10:54] that I'd otherwise

[00:10:55] love to go to.

[00:10:56] He agreed with me

[00:10:57] that all of this

[00:10:58] is being done

[00:10:58] with the intention

[00:10:59] to get a rise out of me

[00:11:00] and that even if we

[00:11:02] tried to get through

[00:11:02] to this friend

[00:11:03] he's so diabolical

[00:11:05] that we could never

[00:11:06] fully trust him

[00:11:06] to not treat me

[00:11:07] at least a little bit shitty.

[00:11:09] My fiance kept asking

[00:11:10] if it meant

[00:11:11] he had to quit

[00:11:12] the project

[00:11:16] I know how much

[00:11:17] it means to him

[00:11:18] but in all honesty

[00:11:19] the fact that

[00:11:20] this person

[00:11:21] is treating me

[00:11:21] so poorly

[00:11:22] that I'm having

[00:11:23] physical stress reactions

[00:11:24] isn't enough

[00:11:25] for him to want

[00:11:26] to cut this person off

[00:11:28] does hurt a lot.

[00:11:29] The fact that

[00:11:30] it isn't a deal breaker

[00:11:31] for him

[00:11:31] is probably always

[00:11:32] going to sting a little.

[00:11:34] He's not confrontational

[00:11:35] at all

[00:11:36] and I always knew that

[00:11:37] but it's not about

[00:11:38] confrontation

[00:11:39] it's about standing

[00:11:40] in my corner

[00:11:41] and I can't spend

[00:11:42] the rest of my life

[00:11:43] with someone

[00:11:43] who isn't in my corner.

[00:11:45] This friend

[00:11:46] is getting married

[00:11:47] to my best friend

[00:11:48] in a few months

[00:11:49] and was supposed

[00:11:50] to be in the wedding

[00:11:50] but I really have

[00:11:52] no clue how.

[00:11:53] I get a literal

[00:11:54] knot in my stomach

[00:11:54] any time his name

[00:11:56] is even mentioned now.

[00:11:57] I've seen this friend

[00:11:58] one time

[00:11:58] since all of this

[00:11:59] came to a head

[00:12:00] and he was so

[00:12:01] over the top

[00:12:01] nice to me

[00:12:02] that it came off

[00:12:02] as cocky.

[00:12:03] I had the second

[00:12:04] breakdown a few

[00:12:05] days afterwards

[00:12:06] because I realized

[00:12:07] I'm possibly going

[00:12:08] to spend the rest

[00:12:08] of my life on edge

[00:12:09] and on guard

[00:12:10] any time this person

[00:12:11] is even somewhat

[00:12:12] in my vicinity

[00:12:13] even if they aren't

[00:12:14] actively fucking

[00:12:15] with me.

[00:12:16] I don't know

[00:12:17] how to come to terms

[00:12:17] with the fact

[00:12:18] that my fiance

[00:12:19] was willing to lie

[00:12:20] to me on his

[00:12:20] shitty friend's behalf

[00:12:21] but he's not willing

[00:12:23] to stand in my

[00:12:23] corner against him.

[00:12:25] I think it'll always

[00:12:26] hurt.

[00:12:27] The guy was supposed

[00:12:28] to be the best man

[00:12:29] in our wedding

[00:12:29] and as a result

[00:12:30] we haven't been

[00:12:31] talking much

[00:12:32] about our wedding

[00:12:32] plans.

[00:12:33] I think if he's

[00:12:34] still planning on

[00:12:35] his friend being

[00:12:35] in our wedding

[00:12:36] I may have to

[00:12:37] call it off

[00:12:37] for my own sanity

[00:12:38] and that sucks

[00:12:40] so bad.

[00:12:41] This is fucking

[00:12:42] eating me alive.

[00:12:43] I love my

[00:12:44] fiance so much

[00:12:45] I love his big

[00:12:46] heart and the way

[00:12:47] he loves with all

[00:12:48] of it but he

[00:12:49] loves some truly

[00:12:50] wretched people

[00:12:51] and I don't know

[00:12:51] if he'll enforce

[00:12:52] any boundaries

[00:12:53] with those people

[00:12:54] before the lack

[00:12:54] of boundaries

[00:12:55] become too much

[00:12:56] for me to handle.

[00:12:57] I'm just hurt

[00:12:58] and hurting

[00:12:59] and I just want

[00:13:00] whatever outcome

[00:13:01] to play out

[00:13:01] so I can stop

[00:13:02] feeling so guilty

[00:13:03] and awful

[00:13:04] all the time.

[00:13:10] There's sitting

[00:13:11] there and watching

[00:13:12] your fiance get

[00:13:13] bullied by your

[00:13:14] best friend

[00:13:15] and still wanting

[00:13:16] to include him

[00:13:17] in your wedding.

[00:13:18] Holy shit

[00:13:19] and the fact that

[00:13:20] he lied about

[00:13:21] this arsehole

[00:13:22] apologizing as well

[00:13:24] not standing up

[00:13:24] for you against

[00:13:25] the blatant bullying

[00:13:26] and the bullying

[00:13:27] is to the point

[00:13:28] that your mental

[00:13:29] health has taken

[00:13:30] such a dive

[00:13:32] that you're having

[00:13:33] panic attacks over it

[00:13:34] and your fiance seems

[00:13:35] to stand there

[00:13:36] and still want to

[00:13:37] go to see this guy.

[00:13:38] Now I'm definitely

[00:13:39] not a violent person.

[00:13:41] I'm a lover

[00:13:42] not a fighter.

[00:13:43] The post has riled

[00:13:44] me up so much

[00:13:45] for OP that I want

[00:13:45] to shove my foot

[00:13:46] up that best friend's

[00:13:47] arse.

[00:13:47] What an arsehole.

[00:13:49] OP comes in

[00:13:49] a month later

[00:13:50] and says never

[00:13:51] thought I'd

[00:13:51] actually update

[00:13:52] this account

[00:13:53] out of sheer

[00:13:53] fucking embarrassment

[00:13:54] but I wanted

[00:13:55] to share for those

[00:13:56] of you who

[00:13:56] encouraged me

[00:13:57] to put myself

[00:13:57] first.

[00:13:58] I want you all

[00:13:59] to know my

[00:13:59] partner absolutely

[00:14:00] came through

[00:14:01] and protected

[00:14:02] me in this.

[00:14:03] We spent all

[00:14:03] this time since

[00:14:04] my last post

[00:14:05] until last week

[00:14:06] communicating

[00:14:06] and trying to

[00:14:07] find a resolution

[00:14:08] and walking

[00:14:09] through how

[00:14:10] it got this

[00:14:10] bad.

[00:14:11] He took a lot

[00:14:12] of accountability

[00:14:12] for that.

[00:14:13] This is not a

[00:14:14] case of me

[00:14:15] giving in.

[00:14:16] He understands

[00:14:17] fully that this

[00:14:18] only got so bad

[00:14:19] because it's never

[00:14:19] been handled

[00:14:20] correctly and he

[00:14:21] had a major

[00:14:22] hand in that.

[00:14:22] There were so

[00:14:23] many more layers

[00:14:24] to this than a

[00:14:25] reddit post could

[00:14:26] ever have conveyed.

[00:14:27] The bottom line

[00:14:28] is we're closer

[00:14:29] than ever and

[00:14:30] after a lot of

[00:14:30] talking we decided

[00:14:31] on my partner

[00:14:32] sending a firm

[00:14:33] but not unkind

[00:14:34] message to his

[00:14:34] friend explaining

[00:14:35] the behaviors

[00:14:36] explaining that

[00:14:37] they were hurting

[00:14:38] his partner and

[00:14:39] that it needed

[00:14:39] to stop.

[00:14:40] He asked to

[00:14:41] write up the

[00:14:41] first draft and

[00:14:42] we could go over

[00:14:43] it together to

[00:14:43] try and perfect

[00:14:44] it.

[00:14:45] Reddit please

[00:14:45] know the first

[00:14:46] draft my partner

[00:14:47] wrote was so

[00:14:48] spot on what I

[00:14:49] needed to read

[00:14:50] that it instantly

[00:14:50] shifted us into a

[00:14:52] us versus the

[00:14:53] problem mode and

[00:14:54] we've been stuck

[00:14:55] butting heads for

[00:14:55] weeks.

[00:14:56] He laid everything

[00:14:57] out so clearly and

[00:14:58] in ways that we

[00:14:59] hadn't discussed

[00:15:00] so I know it

[00:15:01] came from him.

[00:15:02] We had to tone

[00:15:03] down a lot of

[00:15:04] the big emotions.

[00:15:05] We really truly

[00:15:06] gave the message

[00:15:07] its best shot to

[00:15:08] address the

[00:15:08] situation without

[00:15:09] being hostile.

[00:15:11] We knew the

[00:15:12] response would be

[00:15:13] bad no matter

[00:15:14] what but I don't

[00:15:15] think anything

[00:15:15] could have

[00:15:16] fucking prepared

[00:15:16] us.

[00:15:17] This man went

[00:15:18] full scorched

[00:15:19] earth and blew

[00:15:19] up everything

[00:15:20] almost immediately.

[00:15:21] He insulted

[00:15:22] my partner.

[00:15:22] He told him

[00:15:23] these events

[00:15:24] didn't happen

[00:15:24] the way I

[00:15:25] claim they

[00:15:25] do.

[00:15:26] He demanded

[00:15:26] they meet up

[00:15:27] alone with a

[00:15:28] mediator.

[00:15:29] He even

[00:15:29] threatened to

[00:15:30] reach out to

[00:15:30] my partner's

[00:15:31] parents to

[00:15:32] fill them in

[00:15:33] which is probably

[00:15:34] the moment we

[00:15:34] stopped taking

[00:15:35] his responses

[00:15:35] seriously.

[00:15:37] All of us are

[00:15:37] almost in our

[00:15:38] 30s.

[00:15:39] If once was

[00:15:40] enough he

[00:15:40] threatened it

[00:15:41] twice.

[00:15:42] We actually had

[00:15:43] to call them

[00:15:43] and warn them

[00:15:44] that he'd be

[00:15:45] showing up at

[00:15:45] their place

[00:15:46] later this

[00:15:46] week and not

[00:15:47] to open the

[00:15:47] door.

[00:15:48] There's still a

[00:15:49] good chance

[00:15:49] he'll attempt

[00:15:50] it.

[00:15:50] We stayed

[00:15:51] respectful

[00:15:51] throughout all

[00:15:52] of this which

[00:15:52] I feel good

[00:15:53] about.

[00:15:53] We didn't

[00:15:54] stoop to his

[00:15:54] level.

[00:15:55] We didn't

[00:15:55] insult anyone.

[00:15:56] We asked for

[00:15:57] basic human

[00:15:58] respect and

[00:15:58] somehow it blew

[00:15:59] up spectacularly.

[00:16:01] In the end we

[00:16:02] both received a

[00:16:02] massive wall of

[00:16:03] text from my

[00:16:04] now ex-best

[00:16:05] friend fully

[00:16:06] backing up our

[00:16:06] man and telling

[00:16:07] her side of the

[00:16:08] story which is so

[00:16:09] insanely far off

[00:16:10] from what actually

[00:16:11] happened that all

[00:16:12] I can do is laugh.

[00:16:13] We've been shifting

[00:16:14] from crying to being

[00:16:15] dumbstruck to straight

[00:16:16] up laughing because of

[00:16:17] the absurdity.

[00:16:18] I went into this

[00:16:20] thinking she was

[00:16:20] brainwashed but it

[00:16:21] turns out I was

[00:16:22] wrong.

[00:16:23] They're a perfect

[00:16:23] match and I wish

[00:16:25] them all the best.

[00:16:26] I'm sending one

[00:16:27] last message setting

[00:16:28] the record straight

[00:16:29] which my partner and

[00:16:30] I decided together

[00:16:31] was the best

[00:16:32] approach apart from

[00:16:33] just ghosting

[00:16:33] before moving on

[00:16:35] from this entirely.

[00:16:36] I'm going to make

[00:16:37] it very clear this

[00:16:38] is done.

[00:16:39] Zero contact

[00:16:40] indefinitely and I

[00:16:41] will never look

[00:16:41] back.

[00:16:42] My partner and I

[00:16:43] both deserve way

[00:16:44] better friends and

[00:16:45] we both see that

[00:16:45] clearly now.

[00:16:46] I'm so so so

[00:16:48] fucking glad I

[00:16:49] learned my friend's

[00:16:50] true colors before

[00:16:51] we dropped $800 on

[00:16:52] a hotel for their

[00:16:53] wedding.

[00:16:54] Thank you to

[00:16:55] everyone who was

[00:16:55] kind.

[00:16:56] Not only did I put

[00:16:57] myself first in the

[00:16:58] end but my partner

[00:16:59] did too.

[00:16:59] We're going to take

[00:17:00] this week in stride

[00:17:01] and process it all.

[00:17:02] Grieve the

[00:17:03] friendships we

[00:17:04] once thought we

[00:17:04] were forever.

[00:17:05] And at the end

[00:17:06] of the week we have

[00:17:07] a conveniently timed

[00:17:08] vacation to my

[00:17:09] partner's family

[00:17:09] cottage.

[00:17:10] I think we're

[00:17:11] going to come out

[00:17:11] of this stronger

[00:17:12] because we already

[00:17:13] feel it.

[00:17:14] Again thank you to

[00:17:14] those of you who

[00:17:15] had something

[00:17:16] productive to say

[00:17:17] and I've made my

[00:17:18] peace with all the

[00:17:18] rest.

[00:17:19] I guess if the guy

[00:17:20] does something else

[00:17:21] outlandish maybe

[00:17:22] I'll update but for

[00:17:23] now this chapter is

[00:17:24] closed and I'm so

[00:17:25] ready for it to

[00:17:26] start collecting

[00:17:27] dust.

[00:17:27] It's not the end

[00:17:28] my friends.

[00:17:30] Because two months

[00:17:31] later OP comes in

[00:17:32] with a latest

[00:17:33] update and says

[00:17:34] hey all told myself

[00:17:35] I wouldn't update

[00:17:36] again but there's

[00:17:37] been a pretty massive

[00:17:38] development.

[00:17:39] Not sure if anyone

[00:17:40] is really uninvested

[00:17:41] in this shit show

[00:17:42] but it's actually

[00:17:42] helped me to type

[00:17:43] it out first a

[00:17:44] couple of times so

[00:17:45] maybe I'll feel a

[00:17:46] bit better if I do

[00:17:46] it again.

[00:17:47] Sorry in advance for

[00:17:48] how disgustingly long

[00:17:49] this is going to be.

[00:17:50] Lol.

[00:17:51] A few weeks ago the

[00:17:52] arsehole showed his

[00:17:53] entire hand.

[00:17:54] He sent my partner a

[00:17:55] message at 11am on a

[00:17:57] Monday and it is the

[00:17:58] most unhinged shit I've

[00:17:59] ever read.

[00:18:00] I'll sum it up for you.

[00:18:01] The arsehole said he

[00:18:02] believed my partner is

[00:18:04] in an abusive

[00:18:04] relationship and he

[00:18:06] should leave me for

[00:18:07] his own happiness.

[00:18:08] He claimed he has

[00:18:09] evidence to support

[00:18:10] this.

[00:18:10] He admitted this was

[00:18:11] the big message he

[00:18:12] would have given had

[00:18:13] they met in person

[00:18:14] in the very beginning.

[00:18:15] He also told him he

[00:18:17] was worried sending

[00:18:18] the message would

[00:18:18] make things even worse

[00:18:20] for my partner if I

[00:18:21] saw it.

[00:18:21] He said I am someone

[00:18:23] he can never forgive

[00:18:24] and he will never want

[00:18:25] to associate with

[00:18:26] ever again.

[00:18:27] He ended it by saying

[00:18:28] he hopes he leaves me

[00:18:29] so my partner can

[00:18:30] apologize for breaking

[00:18:31] up the band.

[00:18:32] Yes it was a band

[00:18:33] and they can start to

[00:18:34] repair their friendship.

[00:18:36] Obviously a whole lot

[00:18:37] to digest.

[00:18:38] I know you all don't

[00:18:40] know me but I am

[00:18:41] obviously not abusing

[00:18:42] my partner.

[00:18:43] I shouldn't even have

[00:18:44] to clarify that but I

[00:18:45] will anyways.

[00:18:46] This guy is 100%

[00:18:47] excommunicated from

[00:18:48] our lives indefinitely.

[00:18:50] Not that he already

[00:18:51] wasn't at that point.

[00:18:52] In light of this new

[00:18:53] info I would like to

[00:18:54] share some of the

[00:18:55] things the arsehole has

[00:18:56] done over the past year

[00:18:57] or so that made me

[00:18:58] realize he was

[00:18:59] fucking with me.

[00:19:00] But I didn't clock

[00:19:01] it at the time because

[00:19:02] much like some of you

[00:19:03] I thought I was just

[00:19:04] being sensitive.

[00:19:06] My partner and I

[00:19:07] joined some pals

[00:19:08] including arsehole to

[00:19:09] play a game together

[00:19:10] online.

[00:19:10] Lethal Company if

[00:19:11] you are familiar.

[00:19:12] I have many many

[00:19:13] hours in the game and

[00:19:14] I know the monsters

[00:19:15] quite well so I was

[00:19:16] pretty confused when

[00:19:17] I was slaughtered by

[00:19:18] a bracken three game

[00:19:20] days in a row.

[00:19:21] Almost immediately

[00:19:22] upon entering the

[00:19:23] facility and splitting

[00:19:24] from the group.

[00:19:25] I mentioned at one

[00:19:26] point that I'd be

[00:19:26] having a lot more fun

[00:19:27] if I wasn't dying so

[00:19:28] quickly every time and

[00:19:30] the arsehole mockingly

[00:19:31] said it must be a

[00:19:32] skill issue.

[00:19:33] After a few more

[00:19:34] deaths this time with

[00:19:35] me at least getting to

[00:19:37] explore a bit before

[00:19:38] getting my neck snapped

[00:19:38] I asked if anyone had

[00:19:40] the Control Company

[00:19:41] mod installed which

[00:19:42] allows the server host

[00:19:43] to play as the

[00:19:44] monsters.

[00:19:45] Suddenly the arsehole

[00:19:46] had to go and the

[00:19:47] lobby was conveniently

[00:19:48] disbanded.

[00:19:49] I never brought my

[00:19:50] suspicions up to

[00:19:51] anyone because I knew

[00:19:52] it would be my word

[00:19:53] against his.

[00:19:54] It had no sort of

[00:19:55] proof so I wasn't

[00:19:56] positive.

[00:19:57] But when I finally

[00:19:58] mentioned it to my

[00:19:58] partner a couple of

[00:19:59] weeks after that text

[00:20:00] was sent he told me he

[00:20:01] remembers that arsehole

[00:20:02] staying on the ship and

[00:20:03] secretly going AFK

[00:20:04] multiple times in the

[00:20:05] game which lines up

[00:20:06] pretty perfectly with my

[00:20:08] in-game deaths.

[00:20:09] Damn I wanted to play that

[00:20:10] game I never got into it

[00:20:11] though.

[00:20:11] When I said the

[00:20:12] arsehole was being too

[00:20:13] nice the time we saw him

[00:20:15] after my partner called

[00:20:16] him out about his

[00:20:17] comments affecting me I

[00:20:18] don't think I explained it

[00:20:19] right.

[00:20:19] My partner and I were

[00:20:20] sitting at a table at a

[00:20:22] local show and the

[00:20:22] arsehole sat next to me.

[00:20:24] Not my partner.

[00:20:25] I wouldn't stop touching

[00:20:26] my arm and asking me if I

[00:20:27] was enjoying the show.

[00:20:29] Multiple times he would

[00:20:30] just stare at me and

[00:20:31] grin as wide as he

[00:20:32] could.

[00:20:33] If I had just been told

[00:20:34] something I didn't hurt

[00:20:35] my friend's partner.

[00:20:36] I don't think I'd be all

[00:20:37] over them the way this guy

[00:20:39] was to me.

[00:20:40] Hell if it were me I'd

[00:20:42] at least throw a sorry

[00:20:43] about the other night

[00:20:44] their way.

[00:20:45] It felt like he was

[00:20:46] gloating that he got

[00:20:47] away with it.

[00:20:48] It was comically over

[00:20:49] the top and made me and

[00:20:50] my partner very

[00:20:51] uncomfortable.

[00:20:52] We talked on the drive

[00:20:53] home and we both felt

[00:20:54] the same about it.

[00:20:56] I was hanging out with

[00:20:57] my friend at her place

[00:20:58] and the arsehole was

[00:20:59] there.

[00:20:59] So we all decided to

[00:21:01] head to my place and

[00:21:02] hang out with my

[00:21:02] partner as a foursome.

[00:21:04] Right before we left

[00:21:05] the arsehole asked if I

[00:21:06] knew our mutual friend's

[00:21:07] big secret.

[00:21:08] I did not.

[00:21:09] I also am not very

[00:21:10] close with his friend.

[00:21:12] My friend already knew

[00:21:13] and told him they should

[00:21:14] just tell me because I

[00:21:16] wouldn't be that

[00:21:16] invested.

[00:21:17] But arsehole told my

[00:21:19] partner didn't know yet

[00:21:20] and they couldn't tell me

[00:21:21] until we all got to my

[00:21:22] place and told him.

[00:21:23] He kept going on about

[00:21:24] how big the secret was

[00:21:26] and insisted that I'd

[00:21:27] freak out once I knew.

[00:21:28] He made a comment about

[00:21:29] how we were taking

[00:21:30] different cars and

[00:21:31] there was a chance my

[00:21:32] friend would just tell

[00:21:33] me on the way.

[00:21:34] So he looked her dead in

[00:21:35] the face and told her that

[00:21:36] he'd be genuinely upset

[00:21:37] with her if she told me

[00:21:39] before he told my

[00:21:39] partner.

[00:21:40] We respected that.

[00:21:42] When we got to my place

[00:21:43] it was obvious my

[00:21:44] partner already knew.

[00:21:45] The big secret was simply

[00:21:46] that our friend was

[00:21:47] dating someone.

[00:21:48] I found out later that

[00:21:50] the arsehole had called

[00:21:51] my partner the minute he

[00:21:52] got into his car and

[00:21:53] told him that both me and

[00:21:55] my friend didn't know

[00:21:56] and they should put on a

[00:21:57] big show of telling both

[00:21:59] of us together.

[00:22:00] My partner had known for

[00:22:01] weeks and the friend

[00:22:02] group had openly discussed

[00:22:03] it a few times and it

[00:22:04] hadn't come up with me

[00:22:05] because as I said I'm not

[00:22:07] very close with his

[00:22:08] friend.

[00:22:08] I got baited.

[00:22:10] Truly exhausting

[00:22:11] behavior.

[00:22:12] My partner had no idea

[00:22:13] what happened until I

[00:22:14] told him about the

[00:22:15] conversation at arsehole's

[00:22:16] place and my friend

[00:22:17] didn't say a word in my

[00:22:18] defense.

[00:22:19] I typed out exactly why

[00:22:21] this was ridiculous once

[00:22:22] all this came to a head

[00:22:23] and they both refused to

[00:22:25] even acknowledge it.

[00:22:26] I dyed my hair blue.

[00:22:28] My first outing with a new

[00:22:29] hair was with the whole

[00:22:30] group.

[00:22:30] I went all out on my

[00:22:32] makeup and outfit and

[00:22:33] was pretty stoked on it.

[00:22:34] I'm not exaggerating in

[00:22:36] the slightest when I say

[00:22:36] the arsehole made 20 plus

[00:22:38] jokes about my hair in the

[00:22:39] span of about 15 minutes.

[00:22:41] It was pretty much every

[00:22:42] time he interacted with me

[00:22:43] which he seemed to go out

[00:22:45] of his way to do

[00:22:46] specifically so he could

[00:22:47] make jokes about my hair.

[00:22:49] If you've ever had blue

[00:22:49] hair then you've probably

[00:22:50] heard most of the jokes he

[00:22:52] was making.

[00:22:52] I laughed along for the

[00:22:54] first few.

[00:22:55] I can definitely handle

[00:22:56] banter as that's a huge

[00:22:57] part of almost all of my

[00:22:58] friendships but after

[00:22:59] about 20 jokes I finally

[00:23:01] said it was getting old

[00:23:02] and asked if he had

[00:23:03] anything nice to say.

[00:23:04] He responded by making

[00:23:05] another five jokes with a

[00:23:07] big shit eating grin on

[00:23:08] his face and implied I

[00:23:09] was too sensitive.

[00:23:10] There truly was no

[00:23:11] switch off with the guy.

[00:23:13] Anyways just wanted you

[00:23:14] all to know I'm not

[00:23:15] crazy.

[00:23:16] The arsehole has

[00:23:17] literally been trying to

[00:23:18] drive me mad at least for

[00:23:19] a year and it almost

[00:23:20] worked.

[00:23:21] My partner and I have

[00:23:22] had many conversations

[00:23:23] about all of this and I

[00:23:25] know a lot of people

[00:23:26] had a lot to say about

[00:23:27] him but please know this

[00:23:29] was eating both of us

[00:23:30] alive.

[00:23:31] He wanted to make

[00:23:32] things work so badly.

[00:23:33] He wanted to at least

[00:23:34] try salvage their 20

[00:23:35] plus year friendship.

[00:23:37] But he understands now

[00:23:38] that was never possible

[00:23:39] and he knows neither of

[00:23:41] us deserve to be treated

[00:23:42] the way the arsehole

[00:23:43] treated us.

[00:23:44] This was never just

[00:23:45] about me.

[00:23:45] If he was a good friend

[00:23:47] to my partner maybe

[00:23:47] things would have been

[00:23:48] different and we could

[00:23:49] have tried harder to get

[00:23:50] through to him but this

[00:23:52] is just who he is at

[00:23:53] his core.

[00:23:53] He's known for being a

[00:23:54] prick for no reason and

[00:23:56] lying about it and there's

[00:23:57] no space in either of our

[00:23:58] lives for that.

[00:23:59] Anyways, I doubt the

[00:24:01] arsehole can top that

[00:24:02] message so this is the

[00:24:03] last update I give.

[00:24:04] My partner and I are

[00:24:05] coming out of this way

[00:24:07] stronger.

[00:24:08] The arsehole has

[00:24:08] completely brainwashed my

[00:24:09] friend and I've made my

[00:24:11] peace with it.

[00:24:12] So she can have him.

[00:24:13] Lol.

[00:24:14] Godspeed to the both of

[00:24:15] them.

[00:24:16] Thanks to all who showed

[00:24:17] understanding.

[00:24:18] Hopefully this is all

[00:24:19] going to be behind us

[00:24:20] very soon.

[00:24:21] Once the dust fully

[00:24:22] settles.

[00:24:24] And that was OP's last

[00:24:26] update on the matter

[00:24:28] but now I'm going to

[00:24:29] turn this one to you

[00:24:30] guys.

[00:24:30] What do you guys make of

[00:24:31] this situation?

[00:24:33] Let us know your

[00:24:34] thoughts down in the

[00:24:35] comments below.

[00:24:36] Now just a huge thank you

[00:24:37] from the bottom of my

[00:24:38] heart for getting

[00:24:38] involved in today's

[00:24:39] stories.

[00:24:40] Your love, your

[00:24:41] support, your time

[00:24:41] always means the

[00:24:43] absolute world to me.

[00:24:44] So thank you so so

[00:24:45] much and hopefully I'll

[00:24:46] see you in the next

[00:24:47] one.

[00:24:48] Take care and much

[00:24:49] love.