Girlfriend Vampire Roleplay Is Getting Out Of Control - Reddit Stories Compilation

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. Today's video is a compilation video. I know some of you enjoy it, some of you don't. So this is your chance to click off right now if you don't want it. And just a huge thank you for being here and let's crack on with it. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now I was sent this one on Twitter, saw the title and was like, hold on, wait a minute. And it's from Throwaway Vampy and there is a couple of warnings on the story so if you do want to skip it please feel free to do so. It says it contains emotional abuse and manipulation and also sexual abuse as well. And it says, I've been living with my girlfriend, 26 female, for almost a month. Dating for one and a half years.

[00:00:45] She's revealing an increasing interest in vampire role playing, which was fun at first but now I'm, 24 male, worrying it's going too far. Okay, so basically we've been seeing each other for a while and have talked a lot about moving in together. We spent a lot of time at each other's places anyway. And so once this Covid thing was getting more serious we figured now was a good time to just bite the bullet and do it.

[00:01:12] I was nervous obviously due to the fact we'd been spending most of the day together. I was nervous obviously due to the fact that we'd been spending most of the day together. Every day since we don't leave except to go for food shopping. But I think it's a good test to see if we're okay with this. Then getting married is definitely a realistic option. Obviously spending a lot of time alone there's only so much Netflix I can watch. Although the massive amount of weed we bought has helped a lot.

[00:01:39] I haven't smoked much since uni but figured with this downtime and we've been having a lot of sex. We used to be pretty active before this and have role played in the past and have done a vampire one before. However now since moving in it's been popping back up very frequently. And while it was a bit of a laugh the first few times she's now focusing a lot more on the authenticity. I did not realise there was so much knowledge available about vampires.

[00:02:05] And not to go into too much detail but while she's in character she is apparently a Sam Gwain. About S-A-M-E-W-E-I-N. Which is not Elvish or Welsh apparently. I am almost always a powerless regular human. Which I'm cool with but I don't really want to do homework to prep for role play accuracy. At the start it was just some light bondage and biting which was cool but now more recently it's turning into heavier duty restraints and there is more biting.

[00:02:36] Which I was okay with but after the third time of her drawing blood I've asked her to reduce the bites. They were dangerous it was mainly around the upper shoulder. Which she was annoyed and called me boring. I now see her practising these fancy ass knots all day. And while I can't see what she's doing on her computer my gut is that she is researching more vampire stuff. And I should add that she has started doing more vampire stuff in her everyday life.

[00:03:02] Which I thought was her doing a bit at first but now I'm less sure. I am non-religious but her family is Christian I think. She was never really actively practising but she did have a few Jesus-y things about like a cross necklace she wore. Which I found all bundled together in a bag stuffed in the back of the wardrobe. She's still fine with garlic. What the hell? I've spoken to her several times about all this before I decided to post.

[00:03:31] But it always involves a lot of deflection and her telling me not to worry and that I'm overthinking. And to just have another joint or drink. I'm just worrying that this is an escalating situation to maybe cope with the quarantine or moving in. Is there anything I should be worried about? Has anyone had a similar situation with their partner? We are entering unknown territory here folks. Holy moly. But yeah there's definitely a problem if you know you're expressing your concerns and your boundaries if you like.

[00:04:01] And she's saying no just go and smoke a joint or whatever. And that you're overthinking the situation. No you've got a boundary and that should be respected. But salt working comes in with some information. They said okay I'm going to unwrap some freaky stuff for you to digest. Sanguine. It's about S-A-N-G-U-I-N-E. Refers to people who actually believe they are vampires. And get life sustaining nutrients from ingesting blood.

[00:04:27] Most of these people believe they only need a few drops to last them a while. Though this depends on the person. Other people feed off frantic energy. The most vital is sexual in nature. Like biting someone or taking their energy during sex. After reading your story I have a reason to believe your girlfriend thinks she's an actual vampire. And is just telling you it's a character to not be criticized. There are groups out there who believe this as well. They get donors. Regular non-vampires to donate energy or drops of blood for them.

[00:04:57] However these groups have ethical guidelines. I do not believe you can take this from people without their full consent of what's going on. You can look for resources online about this type of thing. But your girlfriend is not being open and honest. She's manipulating the situation. And I would say while she may not be physically dangerous. She is mentally. My advice. Break up with her. If you like vampire chicks make sure they are open and honest. And they get your consent first. She ain't the one. Edit. Also she's fine with garlic.

[00:05:27] Make believe characters have a problem with it. People who believe they are vampires don't. At best she believes she's a vampire. And is manipulating you while draining you without your consent. At worst she's mentally unstable. Sadistic. And doesn't care about your consent. How well do you know her? Don't sleep with your eyes closed. Holy shit. You learn new stuff and scare yourself at the same time on reddit sometimes. Holy moly. Belindel19 says. Plenty of good advice in here.

[00:05:56] But I just want to add one important note. Human mouths are filthy. And a human bite can become a serious infection. Make sure your tetanus vaccine is up to date. Seriously. People who play and believe they are vampires don't bite each other for that reason. They cut. They're very careful about sanitation. Panty Panda says. Listen. I think it's important to point out that her being into vampire stuff isn't really the problem. People can be into vampire stuff and that's fine.

[00:06:25] The most important thing here is that your partner is going against your wishes during sex without your consent. And then shaming you for it. She's also doing things that are upsetting or concerning you. And instead of actually talking about it. She's telling you to smoke weed or drink to forget about it. That's incredibly fucked up. If at all possible. I would have a serious conversation about it. And if it can't happen or she doesn't want to cooperate. I would leave her. So. OP did come in with her update and says.

[00:06:54] So I'm aware this is kind of a delayed update. But in all honesty after making the post I was fully prepared to leave it. Move on and deal with it myself. As well as some personal issues I just didn't really see this as a priority for me. I just want to say I read lots of the comments. Even a few of the Twitter ones. And the first thing I want to get off my chest is that. Holy fuck. It's Sanguine. Not Sam Gwain. OP originally thought it was like a name. I feel like such a fucking idiot.

[00:07:23] It made research so much easier. I watched all of the Lord of the Rings. But didn't learn anything about them. My friend is part Welsh. But he didn't know what I meant. And how to drop it quickly to avoid embarrassment. There were so many results on it online. And it seemed pretty daunting. So I didn't read much into it yet. I'm waiting for when I'm in a good reading mood. I would just get straight to the point. And say I don't know exactly what I would call the current status on my relationship with her. But it's definitely ending.

[00:07:52] I'm thankful people recognize my situation as potentially abusive. It sounds weird. But until it was pointed out. It hadn't really clicked with me. She has always been somewhat assertive before. She works in a demanding field. And knows what she wants. And I've been all too willing to go along with anything. Because she always knew better. For the first week after my post. I skirted around the idea of saying anything to her. Because she gets very upset easily. And I didn't want to have a confrontation.

[00:08:20] Most arguments we had seemed one-sided. And I would always compromise in the end. Even doing stuff I wasn't comfortable with. The vampire stuff isn't the first weird horror roleplay we've had. I was happy to go along with the vamp stuff. Because it required literally hours less preparation. Than some of the other stuff we did. The silver lining was that I never had to do much. She would do 95% of the prep. She spent hours one time doing makeup. And all I had to do was get a red balloon.

[00:08:47] I think that level of dedication is something I really admire about her. Things had calmed down for the first and second week. Probably because my girlfriend's work had picked up. And she mentioned some developments into memorizing me. I think to draw. She's a really nifty artist. And truth be told a nice distraction from the world events. I have even begun cooking recently as a hobby. And so leant more into that. Although I struggle with cooking with meat. It makes me feel sick. I've only really started eating it in the last few months.

[00:09:17] As it made making dishes for the both of us a lot easier. I also reduced my smoking quite a bit. As I feel like it was harming my judgment. And I only really have a couple of beers a day at most now. And I feel a lot more healthy. After this I was feeling myself in a much healthier mindset. And so a couple of weeks ago at dinner. I brought up the vampire stuff. Although she took that to mean I wanted to progress it further. I wish I could say I was able to summarize my feelings succinctly.

[00:09:45] But for some reason as soon as I started saying. I wasn't comfortable with the direction this was all taking. I started hyperventilating. And had what I think was a panic attack. My girlfriend started crying. She thought I was having a heart attack or something. And her inhaler did fuck all as well. After I had calmed down. I was able to get across to her what I was trying to say. But it turned heated quite quickly. She said I was trying to shame her. But all I was trying to say was that I didn't want to bleed.

[00:10:14] It's not normal to go through this many plasters. I'd aim that as a joke. Which is the go-to method to defuse a situation. But she did not consider it funny at all. Which is stupid because I'm the one who was being bled. We didn't really talk for a couple of days and tensions were high. But we had a rational discussion a few days ago. Where we came to the conclusion the relationship wasn't working. Obviously we can't just up and leave right now. So we're still together for the time being. But once we can freely move about.

[00:10:43] We can split up and move away from each other. I think this is quite a healthy resolution. I'm sorry if some of you expected something more horrifying in this update. And I won't lie. Some of the comments I read had me seriously worried for my life. But I know her better than you were based on a single internet post. And she is a good person. And that was OP's last post on the matter. And I hope that they did split up. Because regardless of what OP says at the very end there. Saying that they know her better and she's a good person.

[00:11:13] It certainly didn't feel like that at the very end of this post for me. She saw that you were struggling with that conversation. Was worried for you etc. And when you did calm down. And you were trying to express what you were saying. It turned heated quite quickly. And she said that you're trying to shame her. So she was trying to switch the situation back around you. Rather than accept that you had boundaries like you did in the first post. And she played down your concerns in that one as well. The simple fact of the matter is. Consent needs to go both ways with these things.

[00:11:43] You're not shaming her. Not wanting to take part in it. You're not shaming her for saying that you don't want to bleed. And I'm not trying to make light of this situation. Because obviously what OP is going through. It's pretty serious for them right. I had to pause on the red balloon thing. And I was thinking oh my word. What's she up to now? And I have to admit. It instantly made me think of Pennywise. It made me think of the film It. Single red balloon. I think that would pop up in most people's heads. Maybe that's just me. Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:12:12] And what you think of this story. Holy moly. Wasn't expecting that one first thing in the morning. But let's move on to another story. And our next story does come with an update as well. From Minuteship4330. From the Am I Wrong subreddit. Who says. I didn't invite one of my best friends to my girlfriend's birthday. And he's upset. I'm 26 male. My girlfriend 22 female. Is turning 23 in March. And I'm organizing a surprise birthday dinner for her.

[00:12:42] At a large restaurant with some of mine. And her friends. We've been dating since December 2020. And I plan on proposing to her this year. She likes most of my friends. Except for one of them. One of my best friends. 26 male. Who I've known since 2009. When we were 12 years old. Despises him. She says he's rude and insufferable to be around. Her friends also don't like him. I don't know why. But whenever we're all together. Those two don't get along.

[00:13:11] He's also more critical of her. To me than any of my other friends. To be fair. He's like that towards everyone's girlfriend. He prides himself on being a shit talker. But the rest of us have learned to ignore him. It's to the point where my girl explicitly tells me. She won't go out with my friends and I. If he's there. I hate. Hate. Hate. To use an Ulfra's reference. But it's almost comparable to. How much Pam and Ryan didn't like each other. In the later seasons. Except slightly worse. So of course.

[00:13:40] I'd be stupid to invite him. To her birthday party right? I thought that was a pretty reasonable decision. I told her earlier this month. I'd take her to a fancy and expensive Mediterranean restaurant. She's always been wanting to go to for a birthday as a date. What she doesn't know. Is I made a reservation for 20 people. Six of my friends who she likes. 13 of hers. And her sister. They all know. We have a group chat. And we're keeping it a secret. Today at work. He messages me.

[00:14:10] Asking where his invite was. Not even sure. How he found out. But obviously. One of my friends. Must have let it slip. Which doesn't make sense. Since we agreed. He shouldn't be there. I explained that. She doesn't really like him. And inviting him to her birthday. Would be disrespectful. Adding in that. If it were mine. It'd be one of the first I'd invite. He tells me how betrayed. He felt. That I left him out like that. On such a big occasion. And a few more blocks of text. Venting to me. Never seen him that serious.

[00:14:40] He's usually a goofball. In our text convos. I mean. I feel bad leaving him out. But why would I invite someone. My girlfriend actively dislikes. To her birthday. Am I wrong? Now the first line. That popped into my head. After I read this. Is you know. That's just how I am. You know. You've got to excuse his shit. Because that's just how he is. We've seen it time and time again. And you know. The girlfriend knows this. All her friends don't want to be around him. Either. And even yourself. Know this.

[00:15:09] Because he prides himself on being. A shit talker. But it's all excused. Because that's just how he is. You know. Shove that noise. The fact is. He needs to be told. That he's making. A whole bunch of people. Uncomfortable. And that's why he's not being invited to places. And the fact that. When he was told about this. Instead of taking a step back. Of course. Yeah. You're going to be shocked. To be told. That someone doesn't like you. Of course. But. But to label yourself. As a shit talker.

[00:15:38] And then find out. When someone doesn't like you. That you shit. That should seriously make you take a step back. And think. Shit. Yeah. I'm really messed up here. Can I have the chance to apologize. A bit of self reflection. Of some sort. But it wasn't. He continued to. To complain. At how he feels betrayed. And send you blocks of text. Venting to you. Kind of says it all to me. But. Relevant comments. Crocodile Zebra Milk says. Your girlfriend sees your friend's behavior. As an issue. And refuses to be around him. Her friends see your friend's behavior.

[00:16:08] As an issue. And refuse to be around him. You and your friends admit. You all see an issue. And choose to ignore it. It sounds like your best friend. Is the arsehole wherever he goes. And. You and your friend group. Just enable his behavior. To the point. Where he thinks it's okay. To continue to act this way. Opie says. When I say we ignore it. I just mean. We just stop taking a lot of what he says. With more than a grain of salt. We do tell him to shut the fuck up. A lot of the time. But if he doesn't listen. Then hey. What can you do? He wasn't always like this.

[00:16:37] Just happened in the past two years. Not a bad person. But can be annoying as fuck sometimes. Which we also tell him to his face. Local Gazelle 538 says. Tell him. If he stops being an asshole. And shit talking. Then he might get embarrassed. Invited to things. Tell him. All your friend group is over it. And he needs to cut it out. If something happened two years ago. To change his personality. Then suggest therapy. Opie says. I think it was literally. Just spending time online 24-7. During 2020. And 2021.

[00:17:07] And someone suggests to Opie. That his girlfriend is controlling him. And not letting him have friends. And Opie says. She's not controlling at all. Never told me. I can't be friends with him. But she hates his guts. And personally. Doesn't want to see his face. So. Opie does come back in. To update the post. And says. I work remote once a week. And decided that today. Because. I didn't get much sleep last night. And I'm. Was. Dealing with this stressful situation. I gave my friend the time and space. That he needed. Before giving him a call at 9am.

[00:17:37] I spent about a full minute apologizing. For going behind his back. And making him feel left out of the whole situation. Before I could continue. He apologized to me for overreacting. And feeling entitled. After that. I spent about 5 minutes telling him. That the way he behaves in front of her. Her friends. And other people's girlfriends. Is unacceptable. He needs to work on the way that he treats them. And other people outside our friend group. I told him that this is my future wife. The future mother of my children.

[00:18:07] She will be a part of my life. And just as importantly. His life as well. If we are friends. I'm not going to ignore any more disrespect towards my woman. And if he keeps this up. He will not be able to make it to our wedding. I told him that he's important to me. And I want him to be a part of our life. But in order for that to happen. He needs to find a way to fix his behavior around our partners. I told him he needs to apologize to her. And since she is a very forgiving and caring person. She'd be more than willing to give him another chance.

[00:18:36] If and only if. He swears to never cross this boundary of shit stirring again. There's a reason her friends don't like him. And we. His friend group. Can respect that decision. I also told him. That if he ever wants to sit down with me. And talk about what's been causing him to act so childish. Since 2021. Then I'm here for him. He gave me an equally long talk. Apologizing and telling me. He didn't perceive his words to be more than. Mea banter. Although they were very clearly more than that. Lol. Told me.

[00:19:06] He swore to keep my girl's name out of his mouth. In any disrespectful way as well. As of now we've agreed. That he should meet my girlfriend and her sister. 20 or 21 I forgot. In person. And apologize to both. Since she also really doesn't like him. And they had a bit of an argument. The one and only time they met. He told me. Sort of likes her sister. Which sort of made sense. But I told him to forget that idea. Since she already hates him. And the farthest he ever gets with her. Is forgiveness and tolerance at this point.

[00:19:36] Anyway. That's it. Sort of boring. But I'm glad we sorted it out. He also accepted. That he won't be at her birthday. Now. I'm not sure how that's going to go in the future. It sort of made me feel a bit uneasy. The fact that you know. The only time. That that sisters met him. They basically had a falling out. And he's going to meet her again. And the first thing that pops into his head is like. I sort of like her. Maybe we can go out on a date. Like dude. She hates your guts man.

[00:20:06] Don't even go down that road. But what do you guys make of this situation? A couple of wild ones there today. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And our next story comes from. Administrative Gift 58. And says. All my friends think my 22 male girlfriend. 21 female. Is creepy. Are they right? I read it. I 22 male. Started dating my girlfriend. Let's call her Alice. 21 female. About seven months ago.

[00:20:35] We met while working on a group project. For one of our college classes. From the moment I met her. I felt an instant connection. She was beautiful. Smart. And we shared a bunch of common interests. Long story short. We flirted for a few weeks. Before I finally asked her out. And we've been happily going out since. Now here comes the problem. About a month ago. My friends and I were planning to hang out. And I invited Alice. While me and Alice are from the same hometown. We met during college. And a majority of our relationship.

[00:21:06] Has been during the school year. While we know each other's college friends. We've never met each other's hometown friends. I know that Alice has really bad social anxiety. So I was hesitant to invite her at first. But when I did ask. She seemed nervous. But really excited. The party seemed to go really well. Alice was smiling and laughing the whole time. And even got to go on a rant about a topic she really liked. When it was over. She even told me while I was taking her home. How much she liked my friends. When I asked my friends. What they thought of Alice.

[00:21:35] They all said she seemed nice. All except my best friend. Ruben. 22 male. When I asked him. He told me that he hated her. I immediately questioned why. Hoping it was them not mixing well. As I can acknowledge that Ruben and Alice. Are complete opposites. When it comes to interests and personality. But Ruben told me he hated her. Because of how creepy she is. And I was better off dumping her. Now this threw me off. As I had never once considered Alice creepy.

[00:22:05] She's actually the cutest girl I'd ever met. And I never felt more comfortable around someone. As I do around her. Before I could even ask what he meant. He went off on a rant. About how uncomfortable she made him. And started citing stories. I told him about our dates during college. Stuff like. How she'd stare at me without saying anything. And just enjoyed looking at me. How she ate the same meals. Whenever we went to dinner. How unjealous she was. When a girl came up and flirted with me.

[00:22:33] Or about her deep knowledge of poisons. And love for murder mysteries. And true crime. Both of which she could talk about for hours. But neither of which she actually talked about at the party. She said that Wally wrote them off before. Since they didn't seem to bother me. Which they don't. But that after meeting her in person. And seeing how weird and flighty she was. He can tell. That she's a secret psycho. And will end up either breaking my heart. Or physically hurting me. I tried to explain to him. How any weirdness was.

[00:23:03] Probably just because she was nervous. About meeting them for the first time. But he insisted that. We've had friends SO's have anxiety before. And it was that. She was plain weird. I blew him off at first. Because he sounded fucking crazy. Alice isn't perfect. But she's far from creepy. But after two weeks of telling me to dump her. And me getting tired of. And telling him to drop it. I reached out to a few of our friends. To prove him wrong. But to my surprise. They all agreed that Alice was creepy. Most of them said.

[00:23:33] That the way she spoke. Really threw them off. Which is fair. Since Alice can be weirdly formal sometimes. But I didn't notice her doing that. At the party at all. And typically. It's much more funny than unsettling. Most of my friends told me. It wasn't enough to break up with her. Since they still genuinely found her. Sweet and fun to be around. But I did have one other friend. Say it was worth breaking up over. Just too embarrassed to tell me at first. I have no plans of breaking up with Alice. Because of all the stuff they're calling creepy. I find cute when she does.

[00:24:03] But are they right? Is it creepy she does that stuff? Should I talk to her about it? Should I just tell my friends to fuck off. And ignore their concerns? I feel bad for even questioning about this. But with all my friends agreeing. It's starting to gnaw at me. And I just need some clarification. If it's actually creepy. Or they're just being dramatic. I find Ruben's behavior to be the weird one in this situation. After meeting. And then asking your friends.

[00:24:31] Ruben immediately comes out with that he hated her. And immediately turns to you that you're better off dumping her. And then seems to remember a load of your past dating history with her. Which I just found weird in itself. How she'd eat the same meals when you went to dinner. How ungealous she was. And how she has a knowledge of poisons. And a love for murder mystery and true crime. That's weird is it? And what jumped out to me is that. About two weeks after you reached out to your other friends. And I kind of felt like.

[00:24:59] Has Ruben just gone around talking? Because he seems like that type from the behavior we've seen already. Gone around to the other friends. And started talking shit about Alice to them. So now they're saying the same thing to you. To me she sounds really nice. And I'd be re-evaluating your friendships from this. Because that's weird behavior on their behalf in my opinion. But Grumpo Pumpo says she sounds wonderful. As a neurodivergent woman. I've been seen as the creepy girl by neurotypical people. Because of the way I talk and my intense interests.

[00:25:29] No offense. But your friends sound boring. And not accepting of people who aren't like them. If she makes you happy. Then that's all that matters. I have a lot of the same traits. And when I started dating my husband six years ago. He got a lot of criticism for dating me. Now we aren't friends with those people. And they're still alone. While we've been happily married for three years. And are expecting our first child. Date the weird girl. We can be pretty fun. Zoo says everything you've described about Alice. Makes it seem like she is autistic.

[00:25:59] Or at least neurodivergent. And it is well known that neurotypicals find neurodivergent people weird. Even if they don't do anything wrong. I am also into true crime documentaries. Because I low understanding the psychological aspects of it all. Doesn't make me a psycho. Please trust your own judgment. And don't be influenced by your friends. It did find her nice. There weren't any real red flags. Newbeon says. As a woman who has in my past been like this.

[00:26:26] I only ever wanted to find someone who loved me and my weirdness. Almost like no one truly understood me or cared enough. I've now found that and I am 35. So if she is just a little weird. With no underlying psycho. It matters what no one thinks. And do not let that influence your decisions. My biggest advice is being supportive. And taking an interest in listening to her passions. She kind of sounds like she is nice and possibly loyal. But I don't know her. That's the kind of girl you want to cherish and protect.

[00:26:56] Speaking from experience of myself. And B says. So he's uncomfortable with her staring at you. Eating the same meals as you. And trying to be cool around you when girls flirt. That is odd. That's all very normal things. As far as the true crime stuff goes. That interest is actually very normal as well. That's why it's one of the top TV slash movie categories in our country. The fact he's continuously telling you to dump her. And borderline obsessing over it. I would assume he has a crush on you. He sounds jealous.

[00:27:26] You need to talk to him. Because his behavior is completely inappropriate. And cruel towards her. So around 9 or 10 days later. OP comes in with an update. And says. Wow. Thank you all so much for your helpful comments and validation. I'm glad you all agree. That the stuff Alice is doing wasn't really creepy. Anyway to get into the meat of this update. Since I posted originally. I spoke with each of my friends individually. And talked to them about what they said. Pretty much all of them apologized.

[00:27:54] And some of them even offered to apologize to Alice herself. Which at the time I said no to. Since I didn't really want them interacting with her. But we'll get back into that later. The only one who didn't apologize. As I'm sure you guessed. Was Ruben. I want to address some comments. Suggesting that Ruben could either be attracted to me. Or maybe even Alice. I don't think either of those are true. As Alice is the first girlfriend. Ruben has ever acted like this with. Even though I've dated plenty of girls. And Alice isn't his usual type.

[00:28:25] He may be still attracted to her. I mean she is fucking gorgeous. But I've known the guy since third grade. And so I know he's pretty picky about the girls he's with. So I don't think it's that. I think he's just a major dick. I've known Ruben literally my whole life. Since our mums were college friends. And moved close to each other when we were young. With so much history. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. By just asking him to drop it. Since I didn't really care if he found her creepy. I really liked her. And he'd just have to deal with it.

[00:28:54] If he wanted to continue being friends. He didn't apologize. Or even say he was wrong. But he did agree to stop commenting on it. Which isn't perfect. But works for now. As I consider if I really want to continue being friends with him. Yesterday. I met up with Alice for a casual date. It wasn't anything fancy. Just a home picnic. I have really bad allergies. So we couldn't do it outside. We have some candles and our favorite foods. And we watched movies and dissected our favorite tropes. About halfway through our third movie.

[00:29:23] Alice brought up Ruben. Since she heard about an upcoming car show slash auction. Her dad told her about. And she remembered me saying that he loved vintage cars. And suggested the three of us. And a friend of hers. Who was also into cars go together. So she could get to know him better. It felt crazy that she suggested this. Days after mine and Ruben's fight. And it made me feel sick. With how sweet she was being to such a jerk. I gave some weak excuses about. How she hates car shows. And doesn't have to do that.

[00:29:53] Or how Ruben wouldn't be comfortable doing that. My girlfriend being the angel she was. Because she could tough through it. Or even just let me and Ruben go together. If he wasn't comfortable with her yet. And she'd even pay for the tickets. Because it was a private showing. This was the point I broke. And told her everything that happened. She took it really well. And just calmly listened. While I rambled through my explanation. And ended up apologizing to me. About weirding out her friends. I tried to explain it wasn't her fault. And she didn't need to apologize.

[00:30:23] As a lot of you suspected. She ended up telling me. How she believed she was autistic. But since she hadn't gotten an official diagnosis. She wasn't comfortable telling people. After a lot of guilty back and forth. Between the two of us. She told me she didn't want me cutting off my friends. Since they did apologize. And didn't say anything cruel. Just pointed out her neurodivergent tendencies. Which aren't an insult to her. But I put my foot down. That I for sure. Won't be bringing her around Ruben anymore. And plan to distance myself from him.

[00:30:52] And my other friends for the time being. Which she agreed was fair. She also wants to meet up with my friends. Who want to apologize to her. Since they seem genuine in their regret. Overall things turned out pretty well. And thank you all so much for your input. And I just come out of this thinking. How Alice just sounds like an absolute wonderful person. Or the way I was thinking about this. Is you know. Alice's interest in poisons. And I thought. I've never really thought about poisons before. But now that I'm thinking about it. I want to learn more.

[00:31:23] And true crime as well. And you know. She was trying to get you involved with Ruben. And taking her friends to meet him etc. She just sounds like an absolute wonderful person. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. And our next story comes from Ayaka Shadow. And says. My dad said he wishes he had a son. Rather than a daughter.

[00:31:54] I apologize in advance for my bad grammar or spelling. I'm writing this quickly. And on a phone. I 17 female. And not very close with my father. 41 male. Due to him not wanting to spend much time with me. When I was little. Me and my mom. 39 female. Did lots of fun activities together. And she always played with me. And entertained me. Resulting in us having a good relationship now. Years later. But whenever I'd try to get my dad to play with me. Or watch something with me. He'd be uninterested.

[00:32:23] And tell me to go play with my mom. This happened practically every day. With me wanting to watch him work on his car. Or ask him to play. But he always pushed me off. And as I grew up. I believed that my dad just didn't like me. So I asked him to play. Or teach me stuff less and less. He would only do stuff with me on my birthday. And holidays. Though he always made sure I was fed when I was hungry. And if I was upset. He'd comfort me. But other than that. He would avoid me. Now to today. I was in the kitchen getting a snack.

[00:32:52] And my dad was outside in the backyard on the phone. With one of his friends. I could hear what he was talking about from the open kitchen window. But I was ignoring it. Until he said my name in the conversation. I listened in more. And heard him telling his friends. That he wished he had a son more than a daughter. Because he never wanted a girl. And didn't try to build much of a relationship with me because of it. And said. He tried to get my mom to have a second kid. To see if he could get a son. But my mom didn't want two children at the time. So he just ignored me when I was able to walk and talk.

[00:33:22] So he could focus on other things. And let my mom raise me. I went to my room after hearing this. And I'm writing this now. I want to tell my mom because of how hurt I feel. But I also don't want to cause an argument between them. Since they are really close. Does anyone have a few suggestions on what I should do? Should I ask him about it? Or just tell my mom. Now part of me is thinking on this one immediately. That your mom's going to really have some sort of hint of what's going on. I mean you spent most of the time playing with her.

[00:33:50] And I'm sure she would have picked up on your dad sort of rejecting you like that. Time and time again when you've tried to spend time with him. But absolutely tell your mom about this situation. I can try to put myself in your mom's shoes. And of course you'd want your child to talk to you. And tell you about how they're feeling. How they're hurting. So you can try to help them in some way. But girl with dragon tattoo says wow. Please share this with your mom. Because you have done slash said nothing wrong.

[00:34:20] You heard something wildly hurtful. And you deserve support. Your mom is allowed to be there for you. And address what he said. If that's too much just share this post. You've done a wonderful job of capturing your feelings. I'm so sorry. You deserve a good and caring dad. And his own selfishness, ego and insecurity holding him back from appreciating you for exactly who you are. Are just that. His. You are articulate and empathetic despite his lack of maturity. Not because of it.

[00:34:49] Extension pay says talk to your mom about what you heard him say. But back it up for the years of feeling unloved. Because he didn't spend any quality time with you. I'm sure your mom must see it on her own. Which may be why she tried extra hard to spend quality time with you. One day your father will wonder why you have no relationship with him. Especially if you have children. And especially their boys. And you don't bring them around to him. Ray Evangel says. I unfortunately found in early life. Had a wonderful mother and sperm donor.

[00:35:18] Who was unable to look past his wants to ever be anything more. I will tell you what I learned then. I love my father because he is part of me. But I sure as hell don't like him. I was really lucky in having my dad come into my life. Because I immediately saw the difference between the two. He is not my father by DNA. But he is in all the ways that really matter. Point being. Blood is a tenuous tie. It unfortunately means nothing without choices and action. You'll find people who choose. And you choose to be your family.

[00:35:47] Although it feels very wrong now. I know you're wonderful and deserve every bit of love he could have given you. He actively chose not to. And that makes him a sad and sorry human being. And says absolutely nothing about you. One more comment from Simple Raven who says. I'm in a similar situation. My parents left China to escape the one child policy. And both wanted a daughter. But my mom was accepting of a second son. My own dad however. Made it quite clear to pretty much everyone in our family.

[00:36:16] How much he wished I was a girl instead of a guy. Because he wanted a younger daughter and an older son. And when I say quite clear. I meant he also made sure I knew it too. Now imagine being a young toddler. One of your parents just told you straight to your face that. He doesn't like you. Naturally you get confused. And think maybe you misbehaved or something. So you tried for years in some naive hope. To try and win some of that fatherly love. Only to realize it's hopeless. And give up in your early teens. Yeah. That bridge burned.

[00:36:47] It sucks OP to know that one of your birth parents doesn't want you. That bridge was burnt before it was ever built. The best thing to do would be to let your family know. And in my personal opinion. Show only the bare minimum level of respect to the sperm donor. So OP did update the post. And says. Hi everyone. I have a short update for my situation from my last post. I firstly want to say how grateful and heartwarming. Seeing your comments were. And your kind words really helped along. With a few people who messaged me asking if I needed someone to talk to.

[00:37:16] I really love you all. Onto the update. My mum got home from work. And I waited until she wasn't busy to talk to her. I asked her to come with me to my room. And once we're both in there with the door closed. I told her what I overheard and how I felt. Not just about his hurtful words. But also how I felt my whole life. With how he treated me like I'm a stranger. My mum was quiet as I talk. And once I finished. She hugged me and told me how she's really sorry. And hug me while telling me. How I'm the best thing to ever happen to her.

[00:37:45] And that it didn't matter that I'm a girl. Because she'd love me either way. And that's how parents should be. And she'd always be there for me. After a bit. She went to confront my dad who just admitted it. He got into an argument. From which it ended up with him going to stay at my grandma's house for a bit. I'll add another update if anything new comes up. Edit I forgot to mention. But my mum also told me that. She's been doing her best to fill both of the roles for my mum and dad. Since my dad wasn't. Update 2.

[00:38:13] Wow first off I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last two posts. I've been given a lot of advice and support. Which I really want to say thank you for. I have no idea how much it means to me. Onto the update. My dad came home last night. And my mum was hesitant to let him in the house. But he said he needed to talk. So she let him in. He and my mum sat in the living room. And he started apologizing for what had happened. And was telling my mum and he that he regretted what he said. And would step up and be a better father to me. And to make things right.

[00:38:43] My mum told him that. What he did was not acceptable in any way. And that it's not a matter of. Where apologizing will fix it. I then asked how exactly did he plan. To make up ignoring me in my whole childhood. Not being a dad to me. And how I'm turning 18 in a couple of months. And then I'll be an adult and won't be a child anymore. I then said ignoring me all my childhood. And pushing me away because of what's between my legs. Was a horrible thing. And I don't forgive him. He started apologizing more. And had some tears in his eyes. Which sort of surprised me.

[00:39:12] But my mum asked me to head to my room. So I did. And I could hear my mum saying stuff. And then my dad leave the house again. She came into my room after. And told me that she would not be allowing him in our home anymore. And gave me a hug before telling me. She texted his mum the night before he left for a few days. About what happened. Apparently my grandma tore into him. And kicked him out. So he had to stay at one of his friends house. It kind of felt to me that. He just wanted to come back. Because. Especially with that last line. Because he had nowhere else to go.

[00:39:41] His mum didn't want him in that house. So. So. He's going to try and wrangle his way back in the house. And I was just like OP when I was listening to that. It's like. How the fuck. Are you going to make up like. 18 years of neglect already. You bloody burk. But now. I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down. In the comments below. I was going to end the video there. But. I was sent this crazy.

[00:40:11] Bridezilla story. Which came from insane people on Facebook. And r slash choosing beggars. And I will start off by saying. You know. There's a lot of people saying this one. Was fake. And you're going to see why. But a lot of people saying. You know. This went absolutely viral. There was. It went on news places. And it went. And there was interviews done. I don't know. I've scanned through it. And it is wild as shite. So if you do want to skip it. As always. Time stamps are always down in the description. It will be the last story of the video. So feel free to do so.

[00:40:41] I just wanted to include it anyway. Because. It's just crazy. The title of this one was. Bridezilla. With a crazy weight based dress code. Goes viral. It was on Facebook. And the first Facebook post says. Everyone. Who's ready for. Hawaii 2019. In anticipation of the wedding. And believe me. I know it's a long way away. But. I would still like to announce the dress code. I'm giving you a long notice of a year and a half.

[00:41:09] So that you will have time to find and pick out something nice. The dress code is very specific. Because it will be used to create an incredible visual effect. If done right. It will make our synchronized dancing. Along with the redacted beach. Really pop. So. Without further ado. Women. 100 to 160 pounds. Green velvet sweater. Orange suede pants. Lebutin. Sorry about that pronunciation. Heels. The famous red heeled shoes.

[00:41:38] When we spin and lift our feet. The effect will amaze you. And a Burberry scarf. Men. 100 to 200 pounds. Purple fuzzy jacket. Soda hat. All white trainers. Plain glow sticks. Women. 160 pounds plus. All black sweater and pants. Any material. Black heels. Men. 200 pounds plus. All camouflage. Black sneakers. Children. Red from head to toe. Remember the kids will form the shape of a heart.

[00:42:08] It needs to be a true red. Not blood orange or some bullshit. Additionally. We will require that you wear formal attire. After the dancing has ended. Please bring a change of clothing. Remember the venue is extremely upscale. And we want to be looking our absolute best. Ladies and gents. Please. If you look like trash. So will we. All jokes aside. We want you to invest in an outfit valued at least a thousand dollars. This includes jewelry. Accessories. Makeup and hair.

[00:42:38] Remember ladies and gents. The wedding is 24k themed for a reason. You have a year and a half to get working. No excuses. Mwah. And then someone made like. A paint mock-up of the outfits. Just so you can picture it. Sorry podcast users. You're not going to get that unfortunately. And obviously the wild ass post made it to Reddit. And was shared on Facebook secretly. And all this sort of stuff. So. The person from the original post.

[00:43:07] Made another Facebook post. And said. Hello invitees, a very important update. Please read. It has come to my attention that someone went all the way down in this group's creation to screenshot the dress code requirements. The screenshot was taken wildly out of context and has gone semi-viral on Facebook and Reddit. I've seen my post twice on my regular Facebook account. I could not be more crushed, betrayed or saddened. I trust each and every one of you so intimately.

[00:43:35] Knowing someone went behind my back and made fun of me is one of the worst feelings everywhere. And boy, you will be paying. Therefore, I'm announcing one of the most unique parties you will ever be invited to in your life. Besides my actual wedding. In honor of the snitch who sold me out, I will be hosting the first ever polygraph party at my house this Saturday at 8pm. Bring your inner Sherlock Holmes because we'll be hunting out the snitch who put me on blast. You think I'm kidding?

[00:44:05] I'm not. We just bought a real polygraph test for $99 on Amazon. After the testing is over, we find the rat who did this. We will all celebrate with drinks and appetizers. If you can't make the polygraph party, you will be presumed guilty unless you can provide a valid excuse. We can make this party a unique and good one that will be told for years to come. I promise as long as you're innocent, you have nothing to worry about. I highly suggest whoever did this, just tell me. I won't retaliate.

[00:44:34] I will simply cut all ties in communication with you and talk shit about you for a long, long time. If you have any information about who violated my trust and my wedding planning, I will give you $100. Next, if any of you are unhappy with the dress code requirements, it's okay. You can come talk to me. Instead of participating in the dance, you can help the crew clean up after dinner, volunteer to take videos of our dance, or even contribute to the honeymoon. Anything counts.

[00:45:01] Finally, I am outraged at the comments these internet trolls have made about the dress code. Do you fucking know me? Do you know why we are doing things this way? No? Then shut up. Go back down your scum basement and play video games and never fucking make comments about people you don't know. My husband and I are certified virtual healers with over 10 years of experience. You all know this. Our wedding colors, fabrics, and intimate synchronized dance are something we hold very dear to our hearts.

[00:45:30] The expensive clothing represents the riches we wish to come. The blackened camouflage outfits represent the aura of the devil that we must shoo away. What? The soda hats that represent our wishes for an abundance of life-saving liquid. You get the picture. We met at a psychic's desensitization chamber over 12 years ago in Italy. As you all know. Why not bring our traditions and beliefs into our wedding? Would you show up at an Indian person's wedding and make fun of their culture or their tradition? If not, don't judge ours.

[00:46:00] Anyway, I'm so tired of having to explain myself over and over. Please keep me updated. So then the OP comes in with the polygraph party results. Many of you all have been asking how Saturday's polygraph party went. It was fantastic. Attendance was 100%. The $99 polygraph machine from Amazon was a bit shitty but it did the job. I asked you all simple questions such as, Did you leak my dress code to the internet? And, Do you secretly hate me? Friends,

[00:46:28] It was with only the deepest joy that I can announce that the identification of the snitch. My former friend Stephanie was immediately removed from my property. She confessed to leaking my posts and ridiculing me online. My original dress code has gone viral because of her and the outside world will never fucking understand thanks to Stephanie. Good riddance. Now the Hawaii 2019 wedding can go on. Thank you to all my friends, Lynn, Jackie, Christy and Jax. You're very helpful in allowing me to set up my polygraph text and eliminate the snitch.

[00:46:58] Stephanie. Dress code update. Please buy your soda hats ASAP. We'll be hosting another event in a few weeks in which we'll be modifying them. If you would prefer a helicopter hat, by all means go buy one. Time is of the essence. Ladies, let me be clear. Your secondary outfit must total at least 1k. We are 24k themed after all. Please submit your photos of your synchronized dancing outfits no later than one month. I'll be telling each and every one of you what is wrong and how to improve it.

[00:47:28] One of the commenters found a couple of comments below that on Facebook. So I've only got the Facebook screenshot, but it said, This is from like people that was invited and said, I already declined when I heard about the dress code. I don't think I'll ever go to another function again, knowing I would have to pay for the ugliest freaking clothes ever or clean up as a guest. I'll only go to Hawaii to see my son as he doesn't tell me to wear heels on the beach. Also, you can't get a real polygraph on Amazon. Anyone who believes that is stupid,

[00:47:57] professional spiritual healer, my ass telling people to spend an ungodly amount of money on tacky fabrics slash color choices is no way of making anyone feel better. It's just for you to laugh at years down the line of how you conned your friends into looking like arses, dancing like dolphins on the sand and heels. Did I mention heels on the beach? The sandy freaking beach. So I can guarantee it wasn't me who snitched, but dang, I wish it was. So you wouldn't reach out to me for someone's shoulder to cry on.

[00:48:26] Maybe my RSVP won't give you the hint, but the pile of horse crap I ordered to be delivered to you will. Someone shares another thing from Facebook and said, this is the outfit example, apparently. And then, and then shared one of the outfits, which is like a suede type black jumper, suede trousers. Is it suede? I think it's suede like red trousers. And then some massive black high heels with red on the bottom of them. Someone replied to that said, Jesus. Someone else said,

[00:48:56] Jesus didn't die on the cross for us to look like 1k hot garbage. And then someone shared the picture of the Amazon $99 USB polygraph thing, which has only got three stars from 73 reviews. And unfortunately the wildness just stopped there. Whether the wedding happened or not. I don't know. Was it even all real? I don't know. But there was a lot of people, you know, saying this is absolutely, it's gotta be a parody. This is ridiculous.

[00:49:26] It didn't happen. Now I've seen some wild shit before. So I'm just, I don't know anymore. Reading all these stories has properly cooked my brain. But what do you guys make of this one? As I said, you know, I just added it on the end for a little bit of whatever you want to make of it. And our next story comes from Constant Nebya 1982 and says, my soon-to-be ex-husband humiliated me on our wedding day and met his karma instantly.

[00:49:55] It had been two days since my wedding day. I'd already been with him for four years. One year of which I was engaged. It all started a few months earlier when I noticed my husband Jake watching prank videos. Oh dear. Among other things, these videos showed embarrassing photos of the bride being played on a projector in front of the whole room or the bride's face being smashed into the cake. I told him straight away that I didn't want anything like that at our wedding.

[00:50:23] He just laughed and said that he wasn't planning anything like that. I thought that was the end of it, but I kept catching him making strange arrangements with his friends. He suddenly wanted to choose the wedding photographer and the cake. I thought nothing of it and was just glad that he was helping me with the wedding preparations. Nevertheless, I reminded him the day before that if he did something like that, I would break up with him immediately. When the day of the wedding came,

[00:50:51] everything went smoothly until the ceremony. Until the moment came when the cake was about to be cut. The whole room watched as I made the first cut and the photographer stood in front of us with camera in hand. Suddenly, I felt a hand on the back of my head pushing me face first into the cake. Not only my makeup, but the whole wedding dress was ruined and the whole room laughed. My husband, the loudest. At that moment,

[00:51:18] the photographer took the photo and Jake said that this was now our wedding photo. I turned around, slapped him in the face and run out of the room in tears. Thank God, karma didn't take long to arrive and it came in the form of his own brother. I ran to the toilet and started crying when I suddenly heard loud shouting from the hall. It was his brother Frank. I could barely understand what he was saying and when I left the toilet, he was waiting for me. He told me that Jake had something to tell me.

[00:51:47] Jake was shaking and apologized without looking me in the eye. Frank told him to look me in the eye and apologize again. Even I was a bit scared of Frank at that moment because I had always thought of him as a kind and gentle man. I had never seen him angry before. Jake apologized again and then Frank led us back into the hall which was suddenly very quiet and most of our families looked down at the floor a little embarrassed. The festivities were cut short and I was taken home by Frank because I was too angry with my husband

[00:52:16] and I didn't want to see him. During the ride, Frank apologized for blowing up like that. He explained that my husband was horrible even back when he was a brother and used every special occasion to humiliate Frank. When it was Frank's birthday, my husband would throw his cake at him and break his presents. But back then, their parents always brushed it off by saying that's just how brothers behave. So he had to endure every humiliation. But when he saw my husband bury my face in the cake,

[00:52:45] he was fed up because he realized that my husband was just a bad person who got his satisfaction from humiliating others. I asked Frank if he thought it would be an exaggeration if I separated from my husband and he said no because according to him, I deserved better and he didn't care how his brother felt about it because he had brought it on himself. Then he told me that if I needed help collecting my things, he would help me and gave me his number. And I decided to separate from him

[00:53:13] and file for divorce and inform Jake and my family about it. Jake just told me not to do that because it was just a harmless prank. I was spammed by both his family and mine that it would be ridiculous to end our marriage over this. But I see it differently. If he does something like this to me despite multiple requests not to do it, even after promising he wouldn't do it, then I can't trust him. No matter what he promises me, I have to assume that the opposite can and will happen

[00:53:40] and that he doesn't care how I feel about his decisions. This situation can be projected onto so many much worse situations where it'd be important for me to be able to trust him. His brother Frank seems to be the only one who supports me now and I will go through with the divorce. Call me humorless. Call me what you want. But I have given my reasons. I feel in some ways that this is a pretty simple one in that you told him time and time again

[00:54:08] that you told him that if you do this, the relationship is over. And he chose to do it. The biggest thing in a relationship is trust. He destroyed that by what he did. But Vegetable Cod says, OP, I'm sorry this has happened, but so proud of you. He warned him multiple times and he felt it was more important to get last than be a trustworthy partner. I don't know why people think humiliation is a prank. If you have to explain that it was a joke,

[00:54:38] it's not funny. Best of luck. Yes, let Frank know he's a good man and we appreciate him having your back. 101010 Tree says, he lied and was disrespectful. Obviously not the things you want in a marriage. Divorcing him will now save you from dealing with more boundaries being broken and the heartache. You deserve better. Another commenter says, you told him what the consequences would be. Now he gets to live without choice. I don't think you have to divorce. If you don't file the marriage certificate

[00:55:07] within a certain amount of time, you aren't legally married. Just make sure he doesn't file it on your behalf. Susie says, I'm in the UK and don't think we do the smash the cake in the face prank here. If we do, it's a new thing that's come over from the US. I'm certainly not aware of anyone I know going to such a wedding. It's beyond me why anyone thinks it's funny. I think it's very cruel, rude, and a waste of a lot of money when you factor in the cost of cake, clothing, hair, makeup, etc.

[00:55:36] I'd divorce him too. Oh, I just had a little flashback of a video I saw online once of there's this couple that just got married. They're just cutting their cake at the front of everyone, you know, tables all around. Everyone's watching, taking photos and stuff. And then this guy who's absolutely pissed up, drunk, comes up and he just like grabs a big chunk of the cake and starts trying to, I can't remember if he's trying to shove it in their face or chuck it at them and the groom's just like, what the hell? And then floors him. It's like, it's a wild one.

[00:56:04] But OP did update their post and said many of you asked for an update so here it is. Read the original post if you haven't already done that. Many of you pointed out that I could get an annulment. Don't ask me why I didn't think of this earlier but after you guys pointed it out I planned on doing that. Haven't done it yet but it will happen in the next few weeks. It will probably be much more easier than a divorce. With that being said, what happened now? So, a day after I wrote the original post I went to Jake's apartment to get my stuff.

[00:56:34] I slept over at Best Friend's house in the meanwhile. Of course, I also took up Frank's offer to help me getting my stuff. When we arrived there he pleaded with me that it was just a prank and he didn't mean to hurt me. The only thing I could think about is how he broke my trust before and how I couldn't trust him now if he told me he didn't mean to hurt me. When he saw Frank his face turned red and he yelled at Frank and accused him of poisoning me against him. Don't worry Jake, you did this yourself. He argued with Frank for a while

[00:57:04] and Frank confronted him with everything he did to him during his childhood. He told Frank to grow a pair and he should forget about what happened back then. Ironic when he's the one who never changed and it's just as bad as before. He constantly tried to talk to me but Frank stood in his way and talked over him. When we left I saw how he angrily smashed the door. Apparently, he's now spreading lies to his family that Frank tried to steal me from him. Luckily, I was able to see who he really was before it was too late.

[00:57:33] What a coincidence that after this incident my family spammed me with messages as well about how we should talk to a therapist instead of breaking up over this. They only stopped when I threatened them to cut them off too. I also didn't plan to share this with you but so many people suggested it that I thought I could at least ask him so after we got my stuff I asked Frank out that he rejected me telling me that he's already dating someone else. I just wanted to tell you this so you can stop asking. Honestly, I'm also kind of glad

[00:58:02] this was his answer because it means he didn't just help me because there was a malicious intent behind it but more because he's simply a good person. Regardless, I told him about my post here and Frank told me he read many of your comments. He said he liked your comments and that you made his day. I thought you might want to know this. This is probably the first and last update of this. I just want to get this behind me and look forward but thank you for all your support. Edit If you want to call my story fake because I asked Frank out

[00:58:31] feel free. I just acted on what many of you asked me to do and I thought to myself that asking him once doesn't hurt anyone and maybe led to a much healthier relationship if he said yes. I'm not in the best state of mind and will now leave this account. I don't be surprised if I don't respond anymore. My story will stay here and hopefully raise awareness for many people who are in similar situations with toxic partners. No matter if they're male or female I wish you all the best. And there was a lot of people

[00:59:01] questioning Opie on asking Frank out so soon after what just happened but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. And our next story comes from the entitled People subreddit with a bit of work related stuff going on from TGMarie137 does come with an update as well and says customer demands my personal cell number and blames me

[00:59:31] for him losing his job. I work as a claims adjuster for auto accidents. A customer filed a claim after hours and I follow up with him first thing this morning. I have no info on the vehicle other than what he reported and I inform him there is a possibility of it being a total loss. He immediately jumps down my throat and tells me he doesn't want his car to be a total loss and he doesn't want me to have it moved to another location for an in-person inspection. I start to discuss an alternative with him

[01:00:00] when he starts cursing at me and berating me constantly interrupting me telling me just to pay the claim. If it were that easy of a job I'd be paid less and my job would be a hell of a lot easier. I explain that per his insurance agreement you have to inspect the vehicle before I can make a payment for his claim and we need to see if it is going to be a total loss or a parable. He continues to be an arse so I inform him that I will disconnect the call and try talking to him again when he has regained his composure.

[01:00:31] I hang up and go into a meeting and he proceeds to call our customer service line over and over and over. He harassed a total of four women and refused to end the call until I accepted his call. I explained I was in a meeting and wouldn't be out for at least another 30 minutes or so. He continued to stay on the line with them for a few more minutes before hanging up and calling customer service again. I finally have a chance to call him back and I explained that we can try to work with his shop in having them submit photos

[01:01:01] so we can do a preliminary check to at least see if the car is a total loss or not. He tells me he sent me photos from the night before. I explained that there were no attachments to the emails he sent me and that we need very specific photos to have the most accurate review. He proceeds to tell me it's my job to call the shop and request them which is what I told him at the start of the call anyway. He then demands my cell phone number. I explained that I don't have a work cell phone. He states he wants my cell phone number to be able to reach me

[01:01:30] over the weekend. I informed him I will not be providing that info to him. He demanded a few more times before stating he wanted to talk with my supervisor. I stated she was already informed of the situation and would be reaching out to him when she is able to. I'm not allowed to give out her contact info. He tells me that I need to have her call him immediately. I remind him that she is my supervisor and I cannot dictate her schedule. He proceeds to try and keep me on the phone until his demands are met.

[01:02:00] I inform him that I'm going to disconnect the call if there is nothing further to discuss and he ends the call. I called the shop and they also gave me attitude stating that I was keeping a good man from his job and that I shouldn't be wasting his time like this. I asked if they could email the photos to me just so that I can get it done and they say they will. I have an uncommon last name so I made sure to spell it out for them multiple times since it is part of my email address. As well as before I leave for the day

[01:02:30] I still don't have the photos. I text the customer and let him know and he told me that he would call them. Five minutes before I'm supposed to leave I call the shop again and don't get an answer or option to leave a message. I text the customer and let him know that photos aren't received yet and we won't be able to move forward on his claim until Monday. He starts blaming me for working in a different time zone stating it isn't fair that I work three hours ahead of him. I explain that I don't work three hours ahead of him. I'm just one hour ahead and the shop had all

[01:02:59] day to send me the photos needed. He now states that since he doesn't have a rental, didn't purchase the coverage, he's going to be fired on Monday and it's all my fault. I offer to set him up with a discounted rental and he tells me he doesn't have a rental company in his area but it's still my fault for him losing his job. Goodness gracious. I'm so sorry to hear that. You mean to tell me your employer is so heartless as to fire you for missing a workday unexpectedly when it's your first occurrence or infraction with them.

[01:03:29] You may want to contact pay the claim and I'm holding up his claim for no reason to make life difficult for him. I would wonder what he thinks happens to adjusters who don't follow due diligence on a claim and just pay it. We don't get cookies that's for sure. In fact we face termination with our employer. Fines were the state the claim was handled in and possible jail time. Oh yeah and our employer can sue us for the money we paid to the customer without authorization.

[01:04:00] If the customer knowingly cashes the check when they know their claim wasn't supposed to be paid out they get reported to the federal government for insurance fraud and sued by the insurance company for repayment of the claim. I guess I'll see what he has to say on Monday. My supervisor has been reading my notes and keeping up to date with the claim and she is going to have a very fun conversation with him. Especially when all the calls exhibiting his bad behavior were recorded. ETA this is a single vehicle accident where the customer hit a large object in the road that he

[01:04:29] absolutely should have seen. I won't state the specifics in case he's a Redditor. He did not file a police report and he wanted to send me photos from the scene of the accident which took place at night and became more irate when I stated I needed a VIN photo from the sticker inside his driver's side door. Update not too much going on which is unexpected. It's been radio silence from the customer and I don't trust it. I'm expecting a full blow up. My supervisor called him and left a message yesterday but he

[01:04:59] hasn't called her back either. She informed me that I have her encouragement to put him on written only communication and I don't have to answer his calls anymore. She also stated that if he threatens me which I'm not sure if he will or not she will get our security team involved and I can press charges against him with his local police as these are recorded calls. I called the shop today and spoke with the owner. I explained how the rep I spoke with on Friday acted very unprofessionally and he informed me that the customer had apparently been calling her non-stop on Friday and

[01:05:29] harassing her as well because she somehow thought it was a good idea to give him her cell phone number when he demanded it. The owner is an old friend of the foe very freely and stated that after this repair they aren't friends anymore and he will blacklist him as the rep I spoke with is his niece. I got the photos and there were several very thorough photos. It is pretty minor damage and it is clear that he ran into something on the road. I can't give specifics but it was a metal object

[01:05:59] that happened to be laying in the road that got wedged in the undercarriage. They had to pull really hard to get it unstuck and the shop sent me a photo of the very warped item as well. Redditor Sleuths also called that he has a huge custom item that was not on the policy. It's a bed cover for his truck but there was no damage to it and even if there was we wouldn't cover it if he didn't have endorsement for the custom equipment. I ran this SIU special investigations unit and while they agreed that the customer was acting

[01:06:29] shady as hell they didn't have enough info to start an investigation and they stated that since it is a single car accident we would still be obligated to cover his repairs even if he was lying. There are several states where we can deny a claim if the customer lies about how the accident happened but sadly this is not one of those states. I've texted the customer to let him know I got photos and that I was in contact with a shop but he hasn't responded and it's radio silence. Either he's really embarrassed about his actions as he rightly should be or

[01:06:58] he's a ticking time bomb that's going to explode near the end of the week when I'm at my busiest just to tell me in detail how I made him lose his job. We shall see. This will probably be the last update but if anything else happens I'll be sure to let you know. I truly appreciate the support and collective what the fuck from everyone as it confirms I'm not just being crazy or sensitive. The one poster who told me that it's my job to handle this sort of thing I've been trained for it. One, I've never been trained for this level of crazy and I challenge you to find

[01:07:27] anyone short of an orderly and a psych ward to be trained for it and two, it is my job to get cars fixed not to deal with harassment and bad behavior. Let this be a reminder to everyone to be kind to others especially the disembodied voices on your phone providing a service to you. And we do have another update to this and I always think like OP talking at the end there about you know talking to someone on the phone etc etc and no matter what if

[01:07:56] you're frustrated on the phone I always make it a point so this is just coming from my point of view because I've certainly faced frustration on the phone with certain places before you know when you're getting passed from customer service to customer service it can be extremely frustrating. I always make a huge point though of being up front with people and saying look I'll start off just by telling you that I'm incredibly frustrated right now. I'm not frustrated at you however so please do

[01:08:26] not take this personally. I can remember myself saying that a lot when I was trying to help deal with my dad's illness and was calling around the hospital getting passed from department to department trying to get certain medications for him and it you know you spend hours in a day trying to get through to certain people incredibly frustrating and I find most of the time you know if you come at people with that sort of attitude and you're like you're just saying like I understand that it's not you personally they're a lot more

[01:08:56] receptive. OP's update says I appreciate all the support I've received so far and I did get a few messages requesting an update. As I expected the quiet didn't last long and the customer was indeed a ticking time bomb. The shop got me the info I needed to complete an estimate for repairs and the owner explained that he expects he most likely will find additional damages that he will contact me for once he knows. He again apologized for his niece's behavior when I called the shop the first

[01:09:25] time and stated he's no longer friends with the customer. Special investigations unit did review the claim and stated that there wasn't enough evidence of fraud so no dice. I text the customer to see if he wanted me to issue payment to him or the shop directly. He immediately demanded I call him as he didn't agree to the estimate amount. A bit of info on how auto claims process works for payment. One insurance company creates an initial estimate based on what they can see of the damages. Two insurance pays an

[01:09:55] initial amount to get the ball rolling. Three the shop and insurance stay in contact so that additional payment can be issued as needed through the process. As the shop finds additional and internal damages that might not have been super apparent initially. Sounds simple enough right? Knots for the customer. He starts talking about how the estimate from the shop is 7k and we are paying 6.5k. I let him know that we're happy to work with the shop to issue further payment as needed and explain that shop estimates

[01:10:24] are based on what they expect to see for the full repairs and insurance pays what they can see and confirm. Not to mention to keep insurance prices down for our customers we try to negotiate costs with the shop to ensure that what we pay is reasonable. Before I can get two words out he interrupts me and starts yelling saying how I lost his job and I'm now denying his claim since I'm refusing to pay the amount the shop demands. I explain again that we aren't denying the claim but this is the first of multiple payments we'll be issuing and I need to know

[01:10:54] where to send the payment. I tell him that if he keeps talking to me like that I will end the call. His response? Of course you will. No self-awareness or apology. Acting like a toddler when he's nearly 40. I continue trying to explain but he decides to keep talking over me and yelling at me. He starts to say shit about me as a person and my family and I interrupt and state you want to finish that sentence for this recorded line for who knows how many people to hear. He stops, thinks and then tells me that he

[01:11:25] assaults me and leaves me. I recently got married and IT is in the process of changing my name in the system. So some of my systems show my new name and some show my maiden name. It causes a lot of confusion and so I have to explain it a lot while waiting for the updates. I had to explain it to this customer as well. So he knew full well he was saying this to a newlywed. I'll admit I kind of snapped a bit and left my tour guide Barbie voice behind real quick. I said sir during this

[01:11:55] entire claims process your own attitude has gotten in the way of your repairs. The way you have acted to me, my co-workers and the employees at the shop is absolutely deplorable and you should be ashamed. You haven't said a kind word to me at all and you've been a nightmare to work with. Now you say awful things about my personal life that I explained on Friday was absolutely none of your business when you demanded my cell phone number and now you insult my husband whom you've never talked to and know nothing about. My husband is 10 times the man you will ever

[01:12:24] be while being nearly half your age and he knows how to treat people with respect even if he is in a stressful or difficult situation. I feel awful for your wife if this is the type of man she has to deal with at home. At least my husband doesn't have to force me to have sex with him but it's telling that is where your mind went to. Maybe you should mind your own home before you stick your nose in someone else's. He threw a few more expletives at me but I ended the call because I just don't get paid enough. He again called my customer service team and made the poor woman cry.

[01:12:54] I took the call again and explained to him that he was now on written communication with me. He should call the customer service center but I would never answer his calls again and I will only respond to his emails or text messages. I then disconnected the line again. I thought that was the end of it but turns out he still had my supervisor's contact info from when she called on Monday so he called her up. She called me after she finished on the phone with him and she gave me a summary. He apparently told her that I accused him of a sexual assault to his wife after he

[01:13:23] questioned the estimate that I wrote. I don't write estimates that's our whole other department. He was trying to find out next steps when I ended his call. She had listened to his prior call. She didn't believe it for a second. She put him on hold while she pulled the call and listened. She then tore him a new arsehole for what he said to me. He tried to say that I was worse but she cut him off and explained that I am one of the adjusters in my unit with the highest metrics from customer reviews. I've had my fair share of angry customers and it takes a lot to make me snap.

[01:13:52] But she stated that his conduct had pushed me to the point of snapping. But she has never seen. She proceeded to tell him that she has enforced my ridden contact only rule with him as she had previously encouraged I'd do that with him anyway. And she stated that if she hears one more call where he's harassing an employee she will talk with her supervisor to press charges for harassment. Unfortunately we can't fire him as a customer because he still pays us money. And that the executives don't care how to do that how we are treated as long as we get more money. I hope this spurs him to cancel his policy and become

[01:14:22] someone else's problem. I asked if there would be any disciplinary action against me for the call. She said call? What call? I don't see any call and I definitely wouldn't have been able to delete it if the call wasn't recorded. Basically covering my ass if the customer tries to escalate above her to a supervisor or something. I sent a copy of the estimate to the shop and gave them instructions on how they could request more payment from us. And the customer text to tell me to send payment to them as well. After our call he called the shop and

[01:14:52] apparently they had a massive fight because the customer then text me and said send payment to me. The shop just pissed me off big time. So I sent the payment to him. With his lien holder included so he has to mail the check to them to endorse and cash before they send him a new check. Of course it won't be overnighted but by standard USPS mail both ways. I got him to close the claim but I still don't think this is the last I'll be hearing from this guy. I provide more updates as they come but thankfully I didn't have to talk to

[01:15:22] him again. Thanks again for all the support on this. It's nice to know I'm not crazy or expected to be a doormat. Absolutely fair play to anyone that can deal with any sort of like customer service based role over the phone or face to face or anything like that man. I've never been able I dread the day if I ever have to go into a role like that you know. There is a lot of absolute bloody assholes out there isn't there. One of my previous

[01:15:50] jobs from some years back now when I worked in the warehouse and I told you that I had to sit in on the customer service part I didn't have to do anything I just had to listen into their phone calls and see what was the whole process basically and you basically rotated around the company so you got a little bit of everyone's job so you understood what was going on within the business. That was the same job where I told you about like the whip in the sofa and that kind of thing but listening to some of those phone calls and how rude some people can be is just absolutely

[01:16:20] mind-blowing. I know people can be stressed out you know when like in that particular job your sofa's got damaged something's got damaged you know it can be a stressful situation but to treat someone else another human like absolute shit when they're trying to help you these people were kind and like the phone calls that I listened to these people were absolutely spot-on lovely people just trying to do their best not trying to get out of you know the insurance claim or whatever but we're trying to help them in the best way possible and you

[01:16:50] hear some of the phone calls and some of the replies like just fucking fix it kind of thing and you think gee whiz anyway what do you guys make of this situation have you ever been in a customer facing role like that how and face the customer it was particularly bad to deal with let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next story comes from it contains abuse emotional abuse and manipulation controlling behavior and codependency as

[01:17:18] well and let's crack on with it opi starts off by saying TLDR at the end because this is a long one and says have a childhood friend Emily I've known since we were five we originally met because our respective fathers were both German and living in the UK having married British women they became friends and we were basically raised as siblings nothing remotely romantic has ever happened between us it's accurate to say I treat her like I do my other sisters

[01:17:47] people struggle at times to believe nothing has happened between us but is it so insane for someone with three sisters to treat a childhood friend as a fourth we stopped being friends briefly when she got married way too young to her boss he ended up being incredibly abusive controlling her life at every level and over the three years they were together he basically isolated her from all friends and family we reconciled when she divorced him around this time I attended university and met my now wife

[01:18:17] early on we were assigned to the same floor in halls we've been together for 17 years now and she's become really close to Emily over the years also at university I met a guy George on my course we were part of the same friendship group but didn't stay in touch until we coincidentally ended up working together a good 10 years after graduation I ended up introducing him to Emily and they started a relationship a year or so later they moved in together Emily was

[01:18:45] happy he was happy on the face of things he's seemingly been fine with me and Emily's friendship and never said anything over the past few weeks I started getting texts from her sometimes late at night that were just off I was suspicious when she used a common British shortening of my full name rather than the traditional German version of our respective fathers and she would always use and when some overtly flirty almost outright sexting occurred I immediately shut it

[01:19:14] down 100% sure it wasn't her I basically called him out and asked him if this was in fact George using her phone and bluntly asked why he was trying to sex with me as his girlfriend he never responded but after explaining the situation to my wife she went over to Emily's with my phone to see what was going on I wasn't there for this but she showed Emily our entire text history and what he had done George came home and they confronted him first he outright denied it and had the balls to

[01:19:43] accuse Emily of sexting me and trying to hide said cheating from my wife by saying he did it Emily just left with my wife to come stay with us after this because there wasn't any reasoning with him the morning after he called and begged her to come home he was crying and threw himself at her feet claiming he did it out of jealousy he highlighted that she was in the habit of deleting our conversations which drove him mad an apparent choice she makes for all the texts with everyone not just me and he was always jealous of

[01:20:13] our relationship he found it hard to see me with her and after he saw us saying stuff like how she loved me again siblings not being able to read our texts drove him to basically go fishing to establish our relationship the sexting was an attempt to bluntly see if it was something we or more specifically I would engage in at this point Emily asked for mine and my wife's opinion on this whole thing I called bullshit on this being a mistake something he was driven to by jealousy

[01:20:41] he violated her privacy by going through her phone risked our friendship by masquerading as her risked my marriage by trying to bait me into sexting a friend risked Emily and my wife's friendship by making it look like Emily was sexting me the entire thing was a clusterfuck I didn't outright say she should leave him but I highlighted how dishonest this whole thing was she eventually went back home and I didn't hear anything for a few days but Emily eventually revealed to my wife that she had functionally forgiven

[01:21:11] him my wife worked out from the conversation what had happened he had basically flipped the script on me by playing into fears from her marriage he described me as another controlling male trying to dictate who she had a relationship with he encouraged her to make her own decision not bad advice in theory but she had to ignore me because I didn't have her best interest at heart I was controlling her like her ex my wife quietly pointed out he was in fact being like her ex not me he was

[01:21:40] driving a wedge between her and family at this point Emily just gave up said she couldn't win couldn't decide between the man she loves and her brother so fuck it let's pretend it never happened we haven't really spoken since apparently part of forgetting this ever happened is also given into his worries about our friendship every time I try to bring up what he did I've either been ignored or told to stay out of it honestly this pisses me off that he's gotten exactly what

[01:22:09] he wanted he stopped us talking I know I can't force her to break up with him but it's seemingly a catch-22 I can't push her to make a decision about what he did whilst he got her convinced I'm controlling her I rarely see George at work and he's rightly kept the fuck away from me I was tempted to bring my sisters into this clusterfuck tell them what happened they love her like her sister too and see if they can talk some sense into Emily but that's somewhat manipulative too so any

[01:22:38] advice here that shitty sleeping dogs lie try to get her to deal with what he did rather than sweeping it under the rug I have my own thoughts on this but when I scrolled down the top comment on this one pretty much has something similar so I don't want to take away from that comment but I will give my opinion after Fancy Relationship says well it's obvious Emily has an emotionally abusive boyfriend accusing her of cheating and isolating her from her friends are classic symptoms of emotional abuse as you pointed out the sad thing is that she's accepted

[01:23:08] the situation and is doing exactly what he wanted which was to break the two of you up let's face it Emily has two choices break up with her boyfriend or go along with what he wants for the sake of the relationship she's chosen the relationship at least until her boyfriend does something else even more abusive to her I understand that you feel sad about losing your childhood friend but you have to accept it for the time being don't try to interfere in their relationship and don't involve your sisters anything you can hope

[01:23:37] for is that Emily will finally see what George is really like and dump him but that may take some time just try to hang in there and my thoughts were very very similar like it's really sad that you're seeing your friend go through this and you want to get them out of that situation as soon as possible because like a comment said that they're being isolated from their friends and family etc etc manipulated into thinking that you're the one trying to break them up

[01:24:05] and I kind of felt which you know I don't know if I'm right it's just my feelings as I'm reading these is that if you do try to involve yourself in this situation like before he's just going to try and turn it around on you and go see this is exactly what I was talking about he's trying to break us up and he can do this all in the privacy of his own home so he can manipulate his way to get his thoughts across and and worm his way into Emily's mind and make it seem like he's correct in this so like always when we

[01:24:35] see stories like this is that you know don't cut contact with Emily leave that door open and hopefully one day she will contact you maybe just let her know you're there for her you as a family are there for her if she needs it then just leave that door open but sleepy says in my opinion no one is going to talk her into coming to her senses you say that she was in a marriage already where she was abused and you didn't talk again until they got a divorce the same thing will

[01:25:04] happen with this one doing anything more to try to get her to leave him will make you look like the bad guy and honestly I would just leave it alone Viryu says her deleting all her texts is a common thing with victims of abuse that she probably picked up after her abusive former marriage please don't resent your friend years with abuse normalize that shit I think the best thing is may be that you ignore what happened and see if you can still have some time and conversations together now I actually would contact your

[01:25:32] sisters but not in that way I'd simply ask them to check up in a friendly way on Emily since you might not be able to in the future and a deleted user says in domestic violence work we sometimes say victims know their abusers best it's not to say that they recognize they're being abused but they're managing their relationship as best as they can to maintain stability happiness or survival you can't force her to take a course of action that makes you happy but you can reach out to her to reinforce that you

[01:26:01] respect her choices and will be there when she needs you this would empower her and let her know she still has a support network if she ever plans to leave and when she's ready she will and knowing that she has support beyond her home life has a big emotional impact so op comes in with a first update and says so I followed the general advice of just leaving the entire situation alone I agree any interference from me or my family would be manipulative and

[01:26:29] controlling albeit well-meaning so I haven't really spoken to Emily since slightly before Christmas but her mother contacted me a little after New Year to ask if I knew what was going on with her Emily's cousin back in Germany had contacted her mother saying she had turned up on her doorstep having flown in from the UK on the 4th after apparently breaking up with George according to her mother Emily had come back to our hometown for the holidays she brought George at some point and they ran into her ex-husband at the pub for

[01:26:59] context we grew up in a tiny village in the ass end of nowhere there's literally nothing to our village but a pub a post office and a small supermarket her ex still lives where we grew up so this is all information relayed to me via Emily's mother but apparently at some point George approached Emily's ex-husband and asked for some advice George is familiar with the story of their relationship and know how controlling he was and why they divorced somewhat to her ex-husband's credit he apparently refused to

[01:27:29] answer any questions and quietly approached Emily's mother to relay what he had asked now this is according to him and George denies it but he said George asked him how to handle me in terms of my friendship with Emily I've no idea what Emily's ex-husband's motivation was here but they've been divorced for a decade now and he hasn't contacted her in this time so I'm inclined to believe it wasn't further attempts at interfering with her life maybe it was actually manipulation maybe in the decades since they've

[01:27:57] divorced he's become a better man who knows we're all inclined to believe that that is what was asked despite George denying it because how else would her ex-husband know he has an issue with me recently he isn't in contact with anyone who knows about the recent issues also to be honest the ex never had an issue with me he saw me as a child despite me being the same age as his then wife and constantly called me kiddo and asked how school was it would be a very

[01:28:26] specific shot in the dark on his part assume George had an issue with me without George saying so himself so her mother told Emily what George had tried to do and pointed out that her boyfriend is now trying to emulate her ex-boyfriend's behavior and encouraged her to confront him over this and also what happened over the last month rather than ignoring it nobody was privy to the discussion they had but he left some time after it to return to their shared home and she stayed with her mother saying they had broken up she stayed with her

[01:28:55] mother until the day after where she without any warning left for Germany the cousin she's staying with assures us she's relatively fine she's just overwhelmed and embarrassed she'd let this happen again she couldn't handle being where she might run into either ex so staying with her mother was off the table and she just ran somewhere far but safe I still haven't spoken to Emily I sent her a message with some condolences and reassurance she will always have a home here in the UK I've decided to continue to give her space

[01:29:25] while making it clear I am there for her she hasn't responded but I assume this is just out of awkwardness over what happened and how technically George was once my friend he hasn't spoken to me either and I haven't seen him at work at all so yeah not a happy ending per se it shouldn't have taken her abusive ex getting involved for a resolution but as people predicted George was being abusive and he would repeat that behavior I suppose it was relatively painless that he showed his true colors so emphatically

[01:29:54] without much further abuse this could have dragged on thanks for the advice me staying out of it didn't make this any easier for her but it probably avoided making it worse we do have another update in a moment but that guy going for advice from a previous abuser that's dark isn't it but a couple more comments before we do get into that update old elocution says I'm still just blown that

[01:30:24] the ex told the mum I mean that sounds like some serious growth or he was just like a fuck that dude I didn't get the controller neither do you it sucks it worked out that way but we all make our mistakes and have to deal with them hopefully she gets over our awkwardness once things settle more she's like the embarrassed she let George come between the meaningful relationship he had with you and your family armchair warrior says I think you need to talk to her about getting into therapy repeatedly moving too fast with abusive

[01:30:53] pricks is probably something she needs professional help with avoiding and identifying these situations pretty sure she has a very very low self-esteem and a poop opinion of herself if she ends up in these situations but other than that I think what you're doing is good however I think you need to talk to her about the nature of your friendship it's not okay for her to be so close with you since however long ago and to just say hey your chopped liver whenever a man friend tells her to I personally be pretty hurt by this

[01:31:23] behavior and wouldn't want to deal with it again and one more comment from Elise who says Emily is understandably feeling ashamed of ending up with another abusive guy and distancing herself from you in fear of judgment I told you so's or complicated and awkward feelings you didn't do anything wrong but I think you should apologize to Emily for your part in introducing her to George she was vulnerable after an abusive relationship and you introduced her to another abuser you didn't know you couldn't have

[01:31:53] known but if you let her know that you're sorry for that you have no idea he'd be so weird and jealous and controlling or that he would ask her abusive ex-husbands for tips let her see that you don't think she's brought this on herself somehow or or that she deserved to be treated this way or that somehow she wanted it to be like this the op came in with her second update and says I jumped the gun a little with the previous update and looking back I hadn't actually spoken to Emily and it was all secondhand information

[01:32:22] TLDR of everything so far as my childhood friend Emily then boyfriend George texted me to try and see if anything was going on between us after being confronted he approached her abusive ex-husband and she left him realizing twice now she's fallen for abusive men given this whole thing has now been entirely sorted in the three months since it happened I thought I'd actually give an actual full resolution so Emily came back to the UK just before the country was locked down and moved in

[01:32:51] with us reluctantly grabbed some beers and played divinity 2 whilst we hashed out exactly what went down from her perspective I apologize for going behind her back and speaking to her mother about it all situations like this are never helped by information being relayed through other people and I asked if she wanted to go through it all start to finish basically she buried her head in the sand the day she found out he'd been trying to

[01:33:15] sext me as her it was just too much she couldn't win she either lost the man she loved and the lifestyle she had or lost her brother assured her she'd never lose me but she revealed she low-key hated the fact she let herself be taken advantage of like this twice and couldn't face me not having listened to my advice she also mentioned that breaking up with him would inevitably land her on my doorstep for support and that made her feel bad also

[01:33:43] hence escaping to Germany and not talking to me about this this went deeper and she opened up about her insecurities how she regretted never going to university instead marrying her abusive ex-husband and how she feels like an accessory to other people's happiness she saw me and my wife a power couple as she put it and just felt so small by comparison she did love George but leaving him would leave her with functionally nothing again

[01:34:11] and she couldn't handle that we talked about this a lot i revealed i'm aware my support of her could be a problem i was feeling like i had made their relationship awkward by being so involved in her life it might have been hard for George feeling like her boyfriend whilst i was there picking up her tabs doing the diy and basically acting like a father coddling his child i asked if my with retrospective financial support of her tied into this feeling of inadequacy

[01:34:40] like i was dragging her along for my ride and she said it was a problem she felt trapped when the relationship ended because she had no independence or true control whilst i would never use my position to control her she would still be living by someone else's good graces she felt she needed to stand on her own two feet be her own woman rather than relying on a man no matter how much she loved and

[01:35:04] trusted him that way her decisions would be her own rather than under some level of duress in the same way a child wants independence from her parents she feels she finally needs independence from me so we came up with a game plan now the lockdown has obviously made this harder she is still living with me and my wife currently but the plan is she's going back into education she was capable of attending university had the qualifications but decided not to due to marriage my financial

[01:35:33] security was really born of an inheritance i had after my father died life insurance i used to not have to worry about rent during my extended time in education and early career i bought a small flat with it i still own i've decided to pay it forward and put her in a similar situation by letting her use my flat which is currently unoccupied because it's only been rented to students due to its proximity to two universities yes this is me financially supporting her but in a strictly

[01:36:01] limited way no more covering errant bills paying for holidays or footing the bill when we socialize she will not pay rent but she will cover all bills on the flat and she moves out the moment she's in worth she didn't love the idea of me owning her home but i call it my last act as that guy in her life the pseudo brother father sugar daddy best friend after this we'll just be independent siblings

[01:36:27] and best friends she will be moving soon we'll need her room after all since my wife is now five months pregnant turns out she's been pregnant since late december and all this started as for george he swears up and down he never asked the ex-husband to handle me he claims he asked how to be fine with me it wasn't seeking advice how to deal with me it was seeking advice how to be fine with me the way her

[01:36:51] ex-husband was could be true who knows it's irrelevant ultimately though we recently found out george moved a girlfriend into the house him and emily used to share and here's the kicker it's a long time friend emily is fairly certain he never cheated on her but she laughed out loud when she found out he's romantically living together with a long time friend three months after the breakup the dude's insecurity was likely born of his own feelings for a friend he was getting close with

[01:37:19] a girl he was friends with so he projected that onto me and emily edit just to clarify because this paints a picture i don't intend i don't pay all of emily's bills nor for her stuff and holidays she doesn't want independence from me specifically she wants independence full stop she went from her parents to her now ex-husbands and then spent about a decade living paycheck to paycheck before meeting george and living largely off his money she has no real qualifications and her current line of work has

[01:37:47] limited prospects the things i do for her come in two categories and the lack of clarity between the one-offs and the consistent things made it look like i pay for her entire world firstly there's the trivial stuff i do consistently that i'm stopping as a massive overreaction to george logically it's fine that a brother and his wife do these things for his sister but they weirdly make her uncomfortable and it's obviously made her ex uncomfortable stuff like i've done the odd bit

[01:38:13] of diy specifically fixing a vacuum which isn't insane given i work in r d for a vacuum brand and i pay for her drinks and stuff if we socialize i'm stopping all that trivial levels of support largely at her request to ease her discomfort at being subsidized by me it's a pride thing this might also help with any jealous boyfriends wrongly assuming because i pay for a cinema ticket along with my wife was secretly mormon second category with a big one-off things like paying that bill or buying

[01:38:42] plane tickets things i did in the crisis and slash or out of extreme generosity once she wants to be able to be safe during shit like covid without needing to live with me she wants to be able to break up with a guy and be okay alone rather than crashing here she wants to be able to fuck up a meter reading on electricity and whether the silly bill that comes without me paying it that happened once i'm not going to stop doing these things entirely an emergency is an emergency we won't let her come

[01:39:10] to any harm but instead we're going to try and make it that she doesn't need me to do these things via an education and hopefully a better job so yeah i don't pay for an entire life i just muddled some big things i've done in an emergency in with some trivial brotherly support and that was the last post from the op but now i'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation a

[01:39:36] lot of people still suggesting therapy etc etc but what do you think let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next story comes from ok classic 9467 from the am i the arsehole subreddit and it's titled am i the arsehole for throwing out my girlfriend's dolls my 24 male girlfriend 23 female and i've been together long distance for three years we just moved in together and moved across

[01:40:05] the country for her after finishing college i always knew my girlfriend like creepy shit like haunted houses and scary movies but i didn't realize she liked to collect creepy shit i'd seen her apartment over video calls but there was one thing she had neglected to show me a fucking shelf of creepy ass dolls when i was walking through the apartment for the first time i noticed in the corner of the living room

[01:40:30] and holy shit i asked her and she said that she likes thrifting for old and abandoned dolls cleaning them getting them new clothes doing their hair and throwing them on the shelf then she started introducing me to them they all had names and there were a couple of really rough ones that she said she had since she was a kid or were her mums or some were her grandmas the other four were thrifted she said the ones she thrifts and gets into good enough shape she gives to disadvantaged

[01:41:00] kids at the daycare she works at she only keeps the ugly ones i thought i'd be okay with it but every morning i just dreaded looking at them it made me so uncomfortable i tried buying her squishmallows thinking that maybe she could collect something normal instead she loved them but she's still all about the dolls i then suggested she give them to her kids at daycare or display them at a daycare instead but she was worried they'd be damaged or taken home by kids by accident i think she realized

[01:41:29] i didn't like them so she asked if i wanted her to move them into the closet i said yes and thought that would be it well one of my friends flew out to visit and when we were hanging out he dropped a bowl of popcorn i asked him to grab the vacuum out of the closet and he almost shit his pants the doll's heads all poked out of the box and their creepy little eyes stared into his soul horror movie

[01:41:52] shit i was so embarrassed and my girlfriend was apologetic but had a bit of a laugh honestly that was the last straw those fucking things wouldn't leave me the fuck alone the next day which is today is garbage day so i took the box out and tossed it while my girlfriend was away it's gone my girlfriend came home and i started sweating i told my friend we were leaving to get dinner she's been calling and

[01:42:19] texting but i want to give her time to call off my friend is saying i'm a bit of a jerk but i genuinely feel that i had to do it am i the arsehole now for me going into anyone's place taking their stuff throwing it out without permission is unforgivable in itself anyway regardless of what the items are and you know dolls freak me out a little bit as well and i don't want to play down that i'm sure

[01:42:45] there's gonna be some comments talking about phobias because there is a phobia to do with the fear of dolls let me just look it up i think it's called pediophobia or something like that but regardless you still use your words in a situation like this not just take someone's stuff and throw it away we covered a story some time back it wasn't to do with the fear or anything like that but it was when the op had a blanket that they kept for a very long time and it was smelly and dirty but they kept it because they liked the smell of it and that op decided to just throw it in the trash and i think

[01:43:15] they eventually burnt it in the end and of course i always look at those and i think that's just unforgivable that you're willing to do that to someone else's stuff like that without even talking about it expressing your fears to to them and giving them a chance to maybe do something they might not be but of course it's the far better option than just throwing someone's shit in the trash but a couple of comments that op answers to one from snarkysharket3 who says you're the arsehole

[01:43:40] not only did you throw away something that didn't belong to you but items that held great sentimental value to your girlfriend these aren't dolls that she can find down at the walmart they belong to her mom and grandma this is unforgivable she already compromised i put in them in a closet since you didn't like them you better hope that it wasn't garbage pickup day and get them back i hope the dolls are possessed by evil spirits and haunt you op says they're gone for good i watched and waited for

[01:44:09] the garbage truck to go by it just isn't normal to keep ugly dolls she knows they're ugly but keeps them because they remind her of her mom i think maybe she could just put a picture up or something instead now but no one would ever take her seriously when she's got these weird ass dolls around spiritual bridge 3027 says you're the arsehole granted the dolls would creep me out too but you don't throw away someone else's stuff if you feel so uncomfortable about those dolls move out

[01:44:37] and break up with that person hope he says i don't want to break up and even if she dumps me i still feel like i did the right thing i got rid of her only flaw she have an easier time keeping her next boyfriend because he wouldn't have to deal with this hope he had some additional information in the comments and says i think you missed that i'm the one that moved for her despite the fact that she has no family left here so she could keep her job at the daycare because she loves it i understand now

[01:45:05] it was an arsehole move but it was the best thing for her and she needs to make sacrifices too i left my actual family to be with her she'll get over it but i'm not too worried that she'll break up with me after being together for three years because i threw out her toys and i don't really understand how they even remind her of her mom she was only three when her mom died her grandma raised her and recently passed away too i get it now from all the people saying it here i'm the arsehole i wish i could take

[01:45:35] back what i did but i can't i'm going back to the apartment now to apologize and we have an update shortly of course some additional comments you know we already know it's a you're the arsehole from what hope he was replying to people there but gab says you're the arsehole you threw away her shit without permission and you knew what you did was wrong so you got the hell out of there and then for some reason you thought a bunch of strangers would side with you if you asked online just wow

[01:46:03] hope she dumps you or throws away something important of yours first space says so she specified most of the dolls were heirloom antiques and you think it's okay to just toss them out not to mention it's her property you're the arsehole times 1000 if she doesn't kick your ass to the curb i'll be shocked you're afraid of dolls dolls and one more comment which says you're the arsehole here selfish

[01:46:29] and disrespectful you threw away property that didn't belong to you it held sentimental value to your girlfriend she already compromised and put them away but you just can't handle it if i was her i'd be contemplating the relationship and living situation if this is your behavior when you've just moved in giving so little of a shit about what she likes and making decisions without her yeah as i said op does come back in the post to do an update they said i got many messages asking

[01:46:58] for an update but i was banned from am i the arsehole so here it is i went home and my girlfriend asked me where her dolls were she had a bad day and assumed that i'd move them somewhere after they spooked my friend but she really wanted them because they're very comforting for her i sat her down i told her the truth to be honest i expected to be yelled at it would have been almost easier but instead she started

[01:47:22] sobbing it reminded me of when her grandma died i think that's when it sunk in how bad i fucked up i slept on the couch with my friend and today i swore to do everything i could to correct my massive fuck up unfortunately there's no way we could possibly get the originals back they would have ended up compacted and headed to a massive landfill outside the city so i text my girlfriend what kind of dolls they were most of them she knew but one of her grandma's dolls were handmade so that one obviously

[01:47:50] i can't replace i started scouring the internet looking for antique shops thrift stores porn shops etc i ordered a couple online that were the same as the one she had and found one similar to the one she had at one of the stores i didn't realize how expensive dolls were she hasn't broken up with me yet i'm now expecting it after what everyone has told me i'm sleeping on the couch again tonight and i'm looking to book a flight home i'm planning on continuing to pay my half of the rent for the year

[01:48:20] since she doesn't make much money and i'll be living with my parents if she asked me for money to try to replacing all the dolls i'll pay it it's the least i can do thank you for your brutal honesty and a couple of final comments from the op which says we talked and she hasn't forgiven me but wanted to make it work i made the mistake of showing her this reddit account and she ended up changing her mind she broke up with me but is letting me stay on the couch until i'm able to get a transfer

[01:48:49] it shouldn't take long since i've been with my job for a while and only transferred to the city recently i'll be flying back to my hometown early next week she's going to be trying to find similar dolls and we agreed that she'd send me the receipt and i'd send her the money to reimburse her that's the end of it i guess and one more comment which says my family isn't really sentimental so i didn't understand their connection to the dolls my parents threw out all my toys when i was young

[01:49:16] when i told my parents they told me i did the right thing since my ex-girlfriend never had anyone to throw her toys out for her i told them that was a really messed up thing to say because i'd realized my mistake at the time and they're stuck in their ways and just said well you turned out fine didn't you and got mad that i was implying they were bad parents she ended up dumping me i now know better even though it's too late my ex-girlfriend told me that she appreciated that i knew what i did was wrong

[01:49:43] now even if it was too late she broke up with me and i'm going back to my hometown at the end of the week there was a comment below that whole post that reminded me of another story as well it might ring a bell to you guys if you've been here for a long time but rockon says throwing away family heirlooms because he gets creeped out from them this reminds me of that evil stepmother who burned all her husband's first wife who died stuff because she was jealous of her including letters to the

[01:50:12] daughter to be open during important life events honestly i don't know what goes through some people's heads throwing away something that isn't theirs in a place that they just moved in it is unfortunate that it took losing something she cherished and and used for comforting to realize what kind of a piece of shit opie was all along and it is absolutely mad isn't it what does go through your mind at that

[01:50:37] particular moment i do find that fascinating obviously incredibly sad at the same time but it's just so incredibly fucked up for that to go through your mind in the first place holy moly what do you guys make of this situation is there any way you'd ever be able to move past something like that you know you've got this collection of stuff and new boyfriend moves in throws it out would you ever be able to move past that i just can't see a way of doing it if they're willing to do that you know it kind of links

[01:51:06] to other behaviors at the same time as well it just you know what do you guys make of it let us know your thoughts down in the comments below let's move on to another story and our next story does come with an update as well from astoria 253 from the am i the arsehole here subreddit and says would i be the arsehole for telling my friend i won't pet sit because of a stipulation her husband made i 30 female have a

[01:51:33] friend 30 female i'll call her cas who asked me to watch her and her new husband's 30 male i'll call him david pets two cats two dogs from the 22nd to the 27th of december for them to spend time with his family david's mom bought plane tickets for them to visit for christmas and david had planned on having one of his friends watch the pets apparently david and his friend had a falling out over league of

[01:52:00] legends an online game by the way and he burned that bridge with a very vicious comment cas asked me if i would be willing to watch the pets for them for the same amount they would have paid the other friend 500 cas also offered to cover my gas since i live about 40 minutes away without traffic but would usually be around one to one and a half hours due to traffic i agreed to help pets it under the impression that i'll be going back and forth from my house to hers i asked to meet with the pets

[01:52:27] before and get any information i needed in their care etc so we set a date to do that about three weeks before they left we went up and i made lots of notes and also wanted to meet her husband so he knew who was taking care of his pets and house while he was away it was while i was on this visit that i learned that they wanted me to stay at the house overnight while they were gone and be at the house a good part of the time they were willing to offer their food and use of their entertainment

[01:52:54] services on their tv this was fine with me as i thought it was fair and such now i'd only been dealing with cas up to this point and i barely met her husband for two to three minutes for the first time ever since he was asleep till noon and was focused on building furniture that just came in when he was awake now things went downhill this afternoon because cas wanted to talk since she was having anxiety about leaving her cat that she brought into the relationship she has been at home

[01:53:21] with all the pets since she quit her job earlier this month and even before that would visit and let them out during lunch which is also something david would do as well i helped quell her anxiety i talked with her and got the last bit of info she wanted to relay one was a stipulation david wanted to tack on which was me not leaving the pets more than three hours i'd already moved my work schedule for both my jobs to accommodate for me staying overnight to watch the pets however i was under the impression

[01:53:49] that i'd be able to leave the pets for a relatively normal amount of time that i would need to leave my own dogs alone for when i have work four to six hours minimum when i told cas that i had planned to spend time with my esso's family on the 24th and my own family on the 25th but i'd be willing to limit it only to family christmas since i knew that would be a bit too much time for both over two days and three hours would not be enough for presents food cleanup dessert and the two plus hours needed

[01:54:16] to travel from their house to mine and back for my family christmas since it was his stipulation she needed to talk with him about it but knew he'd be mad because i couldn't say yes to his stipulation my friend said she would just stay home with the pets which she knew would upset her husband as well she texted me about an hour later telling me he was mad and would allow the six hours i estimated

[01:54:40] but would take off 50 dollars cheeky bastard and wrote things that were obvious things i would do taking care of the pets as if i didn't have enough sense to do them in the first place now this upset me since spending time with my family on christmas should not be a point of contention and wanting to be honest about the amount of time it should take should not be up for debate if this was such an important point it should have been mentioned when i was getting all the other

[01:55:07] information and not days before they leave i originally planned to counter since the amount i would be paid per hour would be three dollars 47 and so for six hours to be deducted it would be about twenty dollars and just say he could take that off but honestly his regard for me wanting to celebrate with my family while he goes to visit his own is just really unrealistic so would i be the arsehole for telling them they need to find someone else so there were some comments

[01:55:34] with some replies as well so j groovy daisy says not the arsehole you've been very accommodating and the husband at least seems manipulative i'd be curious what their relationship is like because your friend seems to be a bit wary of her husband opie says be honest i've been comfortable with d since they started dating five or six months ago he got married at the end of october or beginning of november because she got pregnant and she officially moved into his house a month before that he seemed to

[01:56:03] rush everything and she seemed to be swept up in it and alarmingly quick money bear says exactly opie needs to understand that she has the power in this transaction here she needs to tell them to screw his stipulations and find someone else today is the 19th and not going to find any pet borders this late likely not going to find anyone willing to do this instead him docking the pay i'll tell him to pay more

[01:56:27] for four pets over five days and affecting her holidays 500 isn't enough of course i didn't expect the husband to be rational considering he's a 30 year old but a falling out with a friend over league of legends opie says when d decided to cut the 50 off the original compensation i knew immediately he did it out of anger and tried to manipulate me into doing what he wanted by scaring me with it he thought he could

[01:56:55] control me the way he does anything else however have a lot of experience with emotionally immature behaviors and refuse to play whatever game they want the opie does come back in to update the post and says hi everyone i made a post yesterday about my friend and her husband's demands for pet sitting over the holiday here is the original post link and then shares the link first off i would like to thank everyone for their support and judgments also all the references on prices from the pet sitters was very

[01:57:24] helpful now i'm sure you were wondering what i did in this situation and i decided not to pet sit for them i messaged my friend this morning telling her friend i honestly do not think i am the right fit for you and your husband for pet sitting now i'm sorry but you guys need to find a someone else this was a difficult decision to make but i just do not feel comfortable with the turn of events that have occurred so far she has not responded i'm perfectly fine with this because i don't think having her and her

[01:57:52] husband is something i want i am a recovering people pleaser and really needed to know that my boundary was reasonable but having so much support shown really helped i'll be enjoying my christmas stress-free with my family and my own dogs i will also be spending time celebrating with my so and my other very supportive friends some things that i also wanted to address i've been friends with her for about 15 years about 11 of those have been long distance and we haven't been that close in recent

[01:58:21] years she has only known her husband for six months and has been married for three of those they did not have a ceremony but went to city hall to get married so i did not have a chance to meet him before checking out the pets i'm worried about her being in this marriage especially since she is pregnant and seemed to be swept up very quickly with him i've been on alert about him since he had her meet his son on their second date which also made me question his parenting as well his blow up with

[01:58:50] his friend that was supposed to pet sid wasn't over a single game but over them thinking he cheated on ranked games since he did worse when playing with them and he said it was because he played with them for funsies a couple more comments which op responds to so the green chair says agreed on all of this op i agreed that you made the right decision and it sounds like you handled it well and sadly i agree with your concern for your friend too i hope she's okay but even though she doesn't

[01:59:19] sound like she's in a place to be able to be a terrific friend right now i hope she'll be able to reach out in the future if she ever does decide she needs help opie says as far as her reaching out i'm definitely not closing that door on her i think space right now is needed though in any case i won't deny her help and plan to do the best i can if my concerns turn to actualities the final hex says still no response and opie says not since i let them know that i would not pet sit for them and obviously

[01:59:47] there was a lot of concern for the friend in the comments knowing the husband only for six months getting married after three she's pregnant pretty much isolated from family etc etc so i am super glad you know i totally agree with op taking that space away from the situation but leaving that door open at the same time is a good thing potentially putting myself in that situation like i always say it's very easy for me to say this behind the microphone sitting here and being able to think about it like this

[02:00:15] maybe reaching out a bit further down the road a month or couple months whenever you feel comfortable and you feel like you've calmed down from the situation etc just reaching out and send her in a text message saying i hope you're okay if you need to talk i'm always here doors open kind of thing obviously not shoehorning your way in there but just letting that person know that you are there because we send plenty of stories where people have been isolated and you know it messes with your mind

[02:00:40] and you don't know where to turn afterwards so someone just telling you that you know you can be support if needed sometimes you know that little that little push that someone needs potentially obviously i don't know the full ins and outs of this but what do you guys make of this situation let us know your thoughts down in the comments below what do you think's happening in the background here let us know and our next story comes from stolen turkey 2022 from the true off my chest subreddit that

[02:01:09] says guests stole our thanksgiving turkey a multi-year story i'm confused and frustrated and need to vent we hosted thanksgiving this year husband and i and our two kids husband siblings and nieces and nephews and most importantly husband's gravely ill mother we're all at peace that this thanksgiving and christmas will probably be our last holidays together it's been emotional and exhausting but we really wanted to

[02:01:36] make a memorable day that would make everyone happy our daughter mary is visiting from college and one day before she flew in she says her boyfriend chris is actually flying to our city to visit friends over the break mary asked if he could come over for thanksgiving we've never met chris before but to be honest we're not wild about him as soon as mary started dating him we started seeing some worrying

[02:02:01] changes in her our son who's just a couple of years older confided in us that mary is getting into the party scene largely because of chris we've tried gently bringing up our concerns with mary but she shuts it down and has started to pull away from us so because we didn't want to alienate her we said chris could visit but i'd need to stay in separate rooms she said that won't matter because he's booked a

[02:02:26] hotel room and she'd be staying there with him the whole weekend ah okay cut to thanksgiving and mary and chris arrive he's not the greatest he makes a couple of rude and snide remarks throughout the visit and hits the alcohol way harder than is appropriate my family was in a very earnest mood if that makes sense lots of emotion and he was just dismissive and flippant and cast a shadow on everything at one point everyone started telling stories about their favorite holidays at mother-in-law's

[02:02:55] house when she would go all out for family parties my husband and i stopped working in the kitchen to join the conversation when we go back to the kitchen after maybe half an hour i went to check the turkey in the oven and it was gone completely missing i asked my husband if he did something with the turkey and he was just as confused as i was we looked all over the kitchen and house and couldn't find it we go out to the living room and ask everyone if they know what happened to the turkey

[02:03:23] and no one knows what we are talking about at this point i realized chris isn't around i pulled mary to the side and asked where he is because i don't want to jump to conclusions and make accusations she said he had to leave to go meet up with friends i asked her to text him and ask if he knows what happened to the turkey and mary kind of rolled her eyes at this point it's dawning on me that chris probably stole the turkey and left out the back door while we were sharing stories with

[02:03:50] mother-in-law so i'm just so confused why anyone would do something like that i can't bring myself to actually make the accusation out loud so we were left in the terrible position of having everything else ready but no turkey we had to break it to the family that we had no turkey and everyone is confused and sad mary said she had to get going to an event with chris which deeply disappointed me

[02:04:13] i told her as much and she just said she'll see us again later this weekend my in-laws went driving around to restaurants and grocery stores and pieced together enough stuff we were able to have a meal much later than expected but it felt like the whole day was ruined everyone kind of murmuring about chris leaving around the time the turkey disappeared but no one wanted to actually accuse him out loud because it's such an explosion allegation and there's not actually any proof i'm just confused why anyone would do

[02:04:42] such a thing and heartbroken because my mother-in-law didn't deserve this at all at one point she teared up but pulled it together i'm also increasingly angry with my daughter but i feel like i can't say anything because she'd just pull away more and obviously the comments on this one are like what the actual fuck's going on here someone says wait the turkey was almost ready wouldn't have been super hot and difficult to carry opi says that's why i haven't formally said anything because it doesn't make sense how

[02:05:10] he could steal a hot turkey i strongly suspect chris stole it but it's such a cruel and strange thing to do the logistics of it don't make sense someone says could it be a neighbor opi says i didn't have any reason to think a neighbor did this also chris disappeared right when the turkey did holy crap that is it's incredibly sad but the the picture of this guy taking the turkey out of the oven running out the

[02:05:36] back door and down the street with it is just wild isn't it can you be can you imagine being a neighbor you know you're just at your window doing some stuff you look up and there's some guy like hands out in front of him with a steaming turkey running down the road i mean what the fuck and i kind of feel like you're worried about you know your daughter pulling away from you in this one but i kind of feel like that's happening anyway she seems to be accepting of this kind of behavior because i don't think

[02:06:04] there's any chance that she didn't know this was happening and she certainly would have known when she went away anyway and saw the fucking turkey there there's absolutely a chance and a pretty good chance i'd say she was in on it and i just feel like now is the time to put your foot down about it and say enough is enough but nick d says all else aside who just leaves thanksgiving family dinner at the back door and he 1000% most definitely stole the turkey which is so fucking disrespectful

[02:06:30] and everyone should have made a huge deal out of it daughter needs to understand that it's a fact not opinion that she's dating a piece of shit wizard jester says bruh this dude stole your turkey and you're scared to say something first time meeting him and he shows up and steals a turkey another user says she's going to pull away regardless of whether you say anything or not the difference will be in whether or not she will use your hesitation to confront her behavior and that of her boyfriend

[02:06:59] take advantage of you again in the future i would ask her openly if he took the turkey they probably promised their friends a thanksgiving gathering and provided it to them at the expense of your wallet and emotional well-being the reaction will tell you everything you need to know about whether they had anything to do with the turkey's fate mary ann says chris took the turkey because that's what he brought to those friends he was meeting my guess is that mary knew and that was the plan going in you don't want to

[02:07:28] alienate mary so you just keep letting her behavior slide this isn't going to get better mary has no accountability because you don't make her have any you know that chris is bad news and a problem but you let him into your home anyway because it is what mary wanted you know she's partying more than she should my advice is get cameras at least for the outside of your house and if possible a few for the common areas inside if you don't the turkey may not be the last thing that walks out the door without

[02:07:56] your knowledge correct concert says i'm just imagining the family dog chilling in the garage stuffed to the gills and giggling and one more comment from dickie schmidt who says i'm picturing chris cackling manically in the back of an uber with a 12 pound turkey in his lap so in the same post eight hours later op says i was talking with my son today he told me that last

[02:08:21] night chris started taunting him over text about the missing turkey so that settles it chris stole the turkey basically is a big fuck you to all of us my son didn't say anything at the time because he didn't want to make people more upset than they already were one of my husband's siblings is very mad at us for how things turned out and how mother-in-law was disrespected sibling is not talking with us right now i tried calling and texting mary but so far she is ignoring me that's all i have to

[02:08:49] say about this and that post was from 2022 and then a year later thanksgiving day 2023 op comes in with an update and says hi everyone this incident has been on my family's mind this week and my son encouraged me to write an update last year i hoped to talk with mary in person about what chris did but she blew me off and didn't visit home for the rest of thanksgiving weekend we spoke briefly on the

[02:09:16] phone a few days later but she denied that chris stole our turkey even though chris taunted my son about it basically admitting what he did unfortunately my mother-in-law passed away about two weeks after thanksgiving ripple effects were profound i found they expected her to live through christmas so it was very difficult to lose what we thought would be her last holiday there was even more bitter that the thanksgiving that was her actual last holiday was ruined by chris and his incomprehensible theft

[02:09:45] from there it got even worse mary flew in for my mother-in-law's funeral and mentioned that chris might travel with her to see a concert in our city we made it clear that he was not welcome in our home or at the funeral he ultimately stayed at their college but on the day of the visitation a bomb threat was made against a funeral home and we all had to evacuate while the police conducted a search the police were never able to prove it but i strongly suspect chris made the threat my mother-in-law's

[02:10:15] visitation was cut significantly short and she was denied a dignified end some people who wanted to pay their respects ultimately could not because of the evacuation and inspection one of my husband's siblings has gone no contact with us because they blame my husband and i for ruining the end of mother-in-law's life by inviting chris to thanksgiving last year mary refused to take any responsibility for how our relationship with chris has damaged our family we husband and i and mary have mutually

[02:10:45] decided to go no contact my son has minimal contact with mary and follows her on social media apparently mary and chris are still together i'm sorry i have such a sad update but my family and i are very grateful for all the support we received last year thank you and someone asks on that one no contact means cutting her off financially correct opie says part of it is there's money in the trust

[02:11:09] from mother-in-law that mary is legally entitled to my husband is the administrator we also don't want to route on the streets or to abandon her education that would drag her down even farther as a person and many of the comments on this one are suspecting that drugs are involved somewhere along the line here i mean stealing turkeys bomb threats holy shit what do you guys make of this one my mind i like what

[02:11:34] the hell let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and our next story comes from the am i the arsehole subreddit does have an update as well from copy captain america who says am i the arsehole for not making dinner when my girlfriend said she would i work from home and my girlfriend works in a hospital since i work from home i normally do most of the household chores and whatnot last weekend i was telling my girlfriend how i was feeling

[02:12:04] overwhelmed with work and all things i do around the house i asked her to help out once in a while she said she would try to help out more and told me she'd make a surprise meal for the week my girlfriend gave me a list of groceries she would need and i bought it all on sunday she didn't cook on sunday because it was too late at night for her to cook and she didn't cook on monday because when she got home from work she was too tired to get started

[02:12:28] this is where the conflict started when she came home yesterday she was in a bad mood and got mad that there weren't any leftovers she told me how it's ridiculous why i think it's fair for her to come home from work and be expected to cook i pointed out how she said she would do it and even asked me to buy the groceries for her she said i shouldn't expect this of her because she will always be too tired to cook right when she comes home from work i should have known that i told her how unfair she was being that

[02:12:57] she is playing games by expecting me to read her mind and know when she says one thing she means the other thing she said i was being a bad partner for not thinking about what she would need from me and that in not providing her with food when she comes home then i am just failing she is at work right now and i am pissed that i really just want to break up am i crazy here edit hello everyone thank you for all your responses i'm going to post an update at some point but i've decided i'm going to break up i've

[02:13:25] reached my breaking point and don't want to live like this anymore my friends are going to help me move my stuff to his place i will update when it's all over so someone asked for some info on this they said info how many hours does she work how many hours do you work there must be a reason why you've been fine with doing most of the housework for so long why the change now opi says normally 44 hours but she sometimes gets called into work i work 40 hours a week and i'm off on weekends since we've been

[02:13:55] living together i've been mostly okay with doing the chores around the house but i've been going through a lot of stress with work it's becoming harder for me to finish a lot of the tasks before she gets home right now i'm at this point where i have to start cleaning and cooking after work instead of on my lunch break and in the comments someone says not the arsehole tired or not things have to get done and she shouldn't promise what she won't do as for breaking up that's up to you

[02:14:20] just remember if she won't change can you put up with this for the next however many years that's what i always tell people everyone has different levels of frustration and what they will and can't put up with there's no right or wrong just understand yourself and look ahead and ask yourself if it's something you can deal with long term nine out of ten people are too stubborn or selfish to ever change for their partner so just remember that krank lasauder says in quote since i

[02:14:47] work from home i normally do most of the household chores and whatnot and says first off this is bullshit you both work whether from home or not this is not a reasonable way to determine who does what you both work full-time jobs so the housework should be close to 50 50. in quotes i really just want to break up and then says not the arsehole to break up from someone that is using you in quotes again saying that is not providing her with food when she comes home that i am just failing

[02:15:13] and then says while expecting her to cook every day when she gets home from work might not be realistic expecting you to cook every workday is also not realistic hippo fibbo says not the arsehole everything you have said is valid is this really how you want to live i think she is being very unreasonable she is fortunate enough to have had you helping out with all the chores if you break up she will have a huge wake-up call when she needs to make her own dinner and one more comment from

[02:15:41] mary contrari who says not the arsehole my husband and i are both mostly remote with some office and travel time remote work doesn't mean less work it usually ends up being more work since you don't have to commute we both cook and we both do chores when he's in a crunch time week i end up doing more cooking when it's my chaos week he does more it balances out in your case there is no balance it's one thing to say hey i'm in the middle of a shitstorm can you take dinner tonight

[02:16:09] it's another to just expect that every day adults find a way to manage yes it sucks sometimes to be exhausted and realize that dinner still needs to find a way to the table that's just how it goes sometimes you put on your big kid pants throw some chicken and veggie on a sheet pan toss it in the oven and become one with a couch for 30 minutes while it cooks so then op does update the post and says so i posted this about a week ago and i got a lot of responses and i appreciate everyone

[02:16:37] taking the time to read it to answer some questions i saw a lot on the post my ex is a nurse and she does work 12 hour shifts i work from home and i work in sales some of you asked if we had a discussion on division of labor and to a degree we did but there were some things i knew i would need to do because she couldn't some of those being doing her laundry her mom did all of her laundry and she doesn't know how to use a washer and dryer and doesn't want to learn groceries bills and keeping

[02:17:07] the house tidy a few of you asked how long the commute is for her in the morning she could be at work in 16 minutes but sometimes it'd take her 30 to 45 minutes to get home with traffic something i neglected to mention in my previous post was that this isn't the first time we've had this discussion where i felt overwhelmed and me telling her i need help this time was the first time in which it felt like she was turning around on me and a few people have even said this i didn't feel like her partner

[02:17:35] i felt like a living maid so what happened i'd spoken with my friend to ask him if i could stay with him and his wife for a little while they're familiar with the situation they told me there'd be by on the weekend to help me move out the days leading up to the weekend were awkward like we would have small talk about how her shift was and she would tell me how things were fine and then watch her shows on her ipad i asked her if she wanted to talk about the fight and she said there wasn't

[02:18:02] anything for us to discuss i told her that i wanted to talk about it and she was annoyed with me like she was watching this thing on youtube and she puts it down looked at me and said with wide eyes okay what do you want to talk about i told her that i wanted out of this relationship and that i was deeply unhappy she asked me why i hadn't told her this before like months ago i told her how i'd been telling her so many times that i had been feeling overwhelmed and she wasn't helping but contributing to my

[02:18:30] struggle and i didn't want life to be like that she got mad at me and repeated that i never used the words that i was unhappy that there is only so much you can do when she gets home i told her how crazy that is not to put two and two together to see how being overwhelmed can lead to unhappiness she asked me if this was because she didn't cook or do the dishes the day i wrote the original post i made roasted vegetables but i was feeling really sick and asked her to do the dishes and she didn't do

[02:18:57] it i told her that it was partially that but i also specified how i hate feeling like the bad guy for just asking her to help out and that she won't help me even when i ask but i will do anything for her if she asks me she told me that i should feel like a bad guy and a bad partner for expecting her to cook or clean when she comes home from work and she is exhausted will i get to work from the comfort of our home i got really mad because it felt like she was dismissing how i was feeling

[02:19:23] and downplaying the stress and anxiety i asked her if she can see why it's better for us to split up since we don't see each other as good partners she agreed and told me she wanted to go back to watching her show i told her i'd be out by the weekend and she just hand waved me off and unpaused her show i don't think she took me seriously i wasn't expecting it to end like this and she was acting like it was normal it was on friday when she really laid into me i was packing my

[02:19:48] things up and she saw she was in a bad mood when she came home and she downplayed everything i did for the both of us she told me my cooking was awful that she hates telling me how i need to clean that her clothes still smelled after i washed them and the house looked like shit i didn't want to escalate things and truth be told when she gets like this i actually get scared so i didn't engage with her i think it finally hit her that i was being serious she locked herself in our bedroom

[02:20:14] and i don't know what she was doing in there but i can assume she has spoken with her parents because her mom had called me as i was moving out her mom is a sweet woman and she explained to me how she understands how i must be feeling but asked me not to leave and that she would come over to help with whatever needed doing i told her it was too late for that and i couldn't be around my ex for a while she told me to take some time but begged me not to end things with her that she would talk

[02:20:40] with her and work something out like mediation i told her i'd think about it partially because i felt guilty not having confined with her about this before i didn't see my ex on saturday when we moved out but she'd been texting me and apologized for her behavior but she wants to meet up at the end of the month to talk as of right now i'm just chilling in my friend's basement and things are okay for now but i feel so bad about everything i'm thinking about going to see her and

[02:21:07] her mom next week just to talk but not to get back together anyways that's where i am right now more happened but i tried to keep this as short as i could now instantly that felt to me like just do not get back together i wouldn't even meet with these people after that you know the mom might be nice but i think she knows what her daughter is like her daughter doesn't want to do the washing doesn't want to learn so it's down to you anyway the mom just doesn't want her back home at all and the fact

[02:21:36] that you didn't want to further talk to her because you were scared of her was a major red flag for me in that absolutely don't get back together with this person but now i'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation how would you deal with it if you was op would you meet up again i don't think you should but let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and our next story comes from made of honor throwaway one from the am i the arsehole subreddit and says

[02:22:02] am i the arsehole for refusing to attend my best friend's wedding i 28 female am entangled in a wedding drama of epic proportions my recently engaged best friend 29 female asked me to be her maid of honor and words can't even describe how happy i was we've been inseparable since kindergarten and i was ready to make her big day unforgettable i spent nearly 700 on our bachelorette party buying

[02:22:29] cute outfits for everyone and renting a party bus with all you can drink drinks the other girls pitched in but i'm the most financially stable so the majority fell on me i helped plan the wedding of her dreams right down to contacting the vendors and setting dates when she was too busy i made the save the date and invitation cards what i'm trying to say is that i did a lot for her and then two weeks before the wedding my best friend asked me to step down and said that her future sister-in-law would be

[02:22:58] taken the role of maid of honor i was pissed and we got into a huge argument over this where i admittedly said things i wasn't proud of since then i've received texts from our friends best friend's family the groom's family and even sister-in-law telling me that i'm a drama queen who needs to get over herself and that it isn't about me this has really gotten to me and i need to know was i in the wrong edit thank you to everyone who's been commenting and giving me advice i'm going to wait

[02:23:28] a week to let emotions cool and then try to have a sit down with my friend to talk about this i'll be logging off for now because i'm going to make a huge batch of cookies and watch some tv to relax edit three days later and says a small update and to answer some questions i asked for 200 of the money back because 500 was a repayment from when she paid my rent in college for a month i hadn't paid her back sooner because she requested i use it for a bachelorette she's been dating her fiance for eight

[02:23:57] years and we were waiting to be more financially stable before getting married on to the update i called her this morning and asked her to talk she agreed and we set up a meeting on thursday at a local coffee shop i'm a bit concerned because she sounded really shy and nervous on the phone hopefully that goes well and i can do an official update with happy news thank you so much for your advice and comments so we know op is going to have this meeting and hopefully we're going to get a

[02:24:25] conclusion to what actually happened because that's the main question on this and you know i always i'm always hesitant to give any kind of judgment on a story like this when it's so open-ended we don't know the reason why and we're just left asking why why has she done this all of a sudden absolutely we've covered stories in the past where the person turns out just to be a bridezilla and you know is happy to destroy a long-term friendship over this but there's certainly other situations

[02:24:53] that we've covered in the past where they've been pressured into it there's something going on in the background so like i said i'm hesitant and i'm really hoping that things do work out because this is your best friend and i do wish the best for you but someone asked about getting the money back and op said i tried asking for some of the money back but she called me money hungry and said i never told her it was conditional someone says have you talked to the sister-in-law op says once or twice before this

[02:25:22] went down she has been texting and calling me to tell me what a self-centered jerk i am but i haven't replied someone says did she give you a reason for why she asked you to step down that sister-in-law is an introvert and might never get to be a maid of honor have a large friend group and might be a maid of honor at one of their weddings someone says is she close to sister-in-law op says she isn't particularly close to sister-in-law and even will complain about her at times sister-in-law is the

[02:25:50] youngest member of the nearby extended family she is 18 i don't know if that changes things but my friend felt like sister-in-law was coddled someone says could there be something going on behind the scenes absolutely and op says i didn't consider behind the scenes abuse from what i've seen of the fiance he's very kind and sweet and treats her right but i don't know much about the family i want to talk to my friend once emotions settle a bit a few people have mentioned the groom's family

[02:26:18] pressuring her and i think it's likely i thought it was extremely out of character but one person said she might be feeling pressure to conform to the family since she wants them to like her i'm not sure what the actual reason behind her actions are but hopefully i can sit down with her soon and talk it out and then there was one more thought from op who says she paid for the base dress and i was going to pay for alterations i don't want to expose her online because we've been friends for over 20 years

[02:26:44] i don't want her to like that i'm still hoping we can be friends it does make me feel better that so many people are on my side even if it's just on reddit i was genuinely starting to feel like i was going crazy and i always like to think that things can be solved in some way and i still hope that they do but it's always worrying especially in those relevant comments when you know you tried asking for some money back and she calls you money hungry rather than saying to your best friend of over 20

[02:27:13] years uh there's a bit more to this story and i need to talk to you about it but in the comments stewdrop peachy cheer says not the arsehole girl you are not the arsehole here you poured your heart and cash into making your bestie's wedding epic then she pulls a switcheroo on you that's majorly messed up of course you're hurt and upset it's not about being a drama queen it's about being treated with respect after all you've done her family and friends need to see the bigger picture

[02:27:40] instead of calling you out stand your ground girl and let them know you were hurt not just causing drama you deserve better vibes the white ferret says not the arsehole being blindsided like that would be really tough on anyone that was really uncool of your friend to do that to you she clearly knew her future sister-in-law and still asked you to be a maid of honor the change that up last minute is not only uncool it's insulting it would be one thing if you weren't

[02:28:06] taking your maid of honor role seriously but that's clearly not the case here all that being said i would highly encourage you to talk to your friend you two have been best friends for over two decades and not going to a wedding would likely cause permanent damage to the relationship i'm not saying you need to go just that a relationship like that deserves another much more calm discussion where you two can have a heart to heart and express how you both feel in a non-judgmental way her sister-in-law becoming the maid of honor at the end sounds like it's likely coming from a future in-laws family

[02:28:36] and less from her but it's possible she's being pressured into it but obviously i'm lacking more context to be able to fully claim that really hope things work out for the better good luck zealous ideal echo says so the bride used you as her unpaid wedding planner you're out of pocket money for a bachelorette party did you pay for the maid of honor's dress in addition that since you are being demoted you won't be allowed to wear or are you supposed to hand over the dress to sister-in-law

[02:29:03] also without reimbursement respond on social media to her and all her flying monkeys everything you've listed here and then go no contact with this person who is clearly not your friend i'm sorry and quite offended by her treatment of you not the arsehole so op does update the post and says hi everyone this is an update to my previous post which you can find on my profile first i just want to thank everyone for how kind and supportive you have all have been but also how honest i took everything to

[02:29:33] heart and everyone's advice was great now onto the update i met my friend at around 9am yesterday at a local coffee shop she looked really bad her hair was super greasy and unkempt she had really bad eye bags and she seemed totally exhausted when i asked her what was wrong she just apologized i kept prodding and it turns out that her in-laws are real pieces of work apparently they've been harassing her for nearly three years about having sister-in-law as the maid of honor at the wedding and when my

[02:30:03] friend chose me they went ballistic my friend said she thought she'd be able to handle it until the wedding day but then mother-in-law threatened to ruin her wedding unless sister-in-law was the maid of honor my friend panicked and that's when she told me i would no longer be maid of honor she apologized for the money hungry comment and said that she was just in such an awful place mentally that hearing me mention the money made her really upset the reason all of our friends were attacking me is

[02:30:28] because they knew about the mother-in-law situation as my friend never mentioned it to me because she didn't want me to step down because of mother-in-law and they thought i also knew the whole story and as for fiance he was completely in the dark he doesn't have a good relationship with his mother already and my friend didn't want to be what destroyed that relationship when my friend told me all this i felt awful i didn't know she was enduring three years of harassment because of me

[02:30:54] i immediately apologized and she apologized and we both cried a lot when the tears stopped she pulled out an envelope with two hundred dollars and gave it to me i originally refused but she insisted so i took it i encouraged her to tell her fiance because keeping this from him wasn't helping anyone and if he decided to cut off mother-in-law then that was his decision not hers after talking a lot more about future boundaries our friendship and the wedding i decided i would go to the wedding

[02:31:23] and would still be friends i know my friend didn't handle this in the best way but i've known her for over two decades and she's practically my platonic soulmate that's not something you should throw away because of this originally that was how my update ended but as i was typing this i received a text from my friend saying that fiance disinvited his mom and practically half the family including sister-in-law because of their treatment of me of my friend and me she asked if i'd be willing to be

[02:31:51] made of honor again and i said yes i just want to give a final thank you to reddit for helping me through this and i hope all of you have a nice night but now i'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation how would you deal with it if it was you let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and our next story comes from

[02:32:15] am i the arsehole with an update as well titled am i the arsehole for refusing to smile at someone who told me i should smile more scary me this interaction took place a couple of months ago around late july or early august 2023 and it took place in one of those stores where everything is super cheap think dollar tree dollar store etc i 24 female had gone with my brother 21 male and mother

[02:32:43] early 50s female to grab some cheap snacks on that day i was wearing a baseball cap with a name and logo of my grad school on it after going through the store and grabbing what we wanted we got in line to check out the cashier was a man maybe in his 40s or 50s let's call him bill when we got to the front of the line the three of us checked out separately and i went last my mom and brother stood

[02:33:09] a couple of feet away to wait for me while bill was ringing me up after some small talk bill looked up and noticed my hat and said grad school's name huh i nodded and he asked you or that guy and nodded over towards my brother i told him that i was the one in grad school and he goes back to ringing up my items after a few seconds he looks back and stares at me the conversation went as follows he said you know

[02:33:34] you're not going to get very far in life if you can't smile at people said i'm sorry i hadn't done anything that would have been rude or off-putting at least not that i'm aware of bill shrugging said ladies don't get paid big bucks if they can't be nice women have to be nice to be successful me annoyed and deadpan said not in my experience and he said oh really you sure about that which i replied yep pretty sure bill shaking his head sorry you're gonna have to smile more often if you want

[02:34:04] to succeed in life sweetie and me cutting him off don't call me sweetie annoyance has become frustration at this point bill looking surprised said hey now i'm just trying to help you i said i'm good thanks and he said all i said is that you should smile more often come on smile for me i said again i'm good thanks i'll smile when i feel like it when we got outside i told my mother

[02:34:30] and brother what bill had said they both laughed at me and said i should have just gone with it ever since then they've continued to bring up the situation with me and with friends and family saying things like don't tell op to smile she's snap at you or what about this time op you feel like smiling now i get more and more annoyed every time they bring it up and every time i tell them to stop they tell me to lighten up i've told some of my friends and they agree with me but my family thinks

[02:34:58] i'm the arsehole for not just going along with what bill said i didn't think i was an arsehole for refusing to smile but i'm wondering if i should have just gone with it am i the arsehole bill's wrong the family's wrong his comments were out of order absolutely awful come on smile for me that made me physically cringe and it always leaves me wondering like how many other people does this guy say this other stupid bullshit to you know he's confident enough to say it to you

[02:35:27] as proper creep level behavior but slow lime says in quotes ladies don't get paid the big bucks if they can't be nice women have to be nice to be successful and there's a puke emoji and says not the arsehole bill has some very outdated ideas come on smile for me is very dance monkey dance and be pretty woman that's your job you do you op it's probably true that friendly people and people who are

[02:35:53] perceived to be pretty or handsome by societal norms probably do better in life but to be honest is not his business and you don't have to perform for him beth's mum says not the arsehole you should have reported the cashier to the manager for his inappropriate comments your mother and brother have crossed the line into bullying confidence says ew mansplaining an old man trying to tell you a young woman how to be successful not the arsehole this man should have held his unasked for unwarranted

[02:36:22] misogynistic advice to his fucking self you don't need that from anyone got goat says not the arsehole not a bit you are not required by any means to perform for this person or anyone especially when they call for it smiles are great but they are offered or not in some businesses they expect service with a smile but it's usually something that they say as a way to promote better customer relations use smiling so that person sees you as the pretty thing he expects is bullshit his unrequested

[02:36:52] mentorship isn't warranted either although he appears to somewhat acknowledge the privilege he has in not having to smile for someone in order to make the big bucks sorry and good luck and one more comment from proud dd says not the arsehole call his manager or regional manager this was fucking inappropriate he should have seen you were not in the mood and his comments were shit he wasn't helping you he wanted you to perform for him he should have dropped it the first time you refused

[02:37:19] if your complaint seems to be taken seriously you might want to take a little trip back to bob with a friend this time instead of your relatives with someone recording it hey bob you might have been right about this whole smile because i'd be prettier thing i was worried i was wrong about not smiling for you and being prettier for you so i called the regional manager or whomever and they couldn't really give me an opinion since they haven't seen me personally but hey good news they're going to

[02:37:45] call you you can tell them what i look like and how much hotter i'd be for you if i smiled and get back to me on that and then give him a vicious victory grin and vamoose so op does come back in with her update and says update for a post i made here a couple of days ago i know everyone says this on our update post but wow i did not expect to get so many responses to my original post thank you to everyone who took the time to hear me out and share your opinions and experiences i know

[02:38:13] the you should smile more thing for women isn't new but reading all your comments about your experiences with similar remarks really hammered it home for me this wasn't okay and i don't have to put up with these comments from my family the day after i made the original post i decided to call my mom and talk to her about the situation a lot of you said that what she and my brother were doing was essentially bullying i haven't thought about it that way but you're absolutely right

[02:38:38] when i told her about how much her comments annoyed and hurt me she was surprised at first she told me she had no idea that the comments bothered me that much and that she hadn't thought about how misogynistic they were she told me that she's received comments like you should smile more from creepy men for years and that she just treated it as part of life the fact that she just dealt with it for years made me kind of sad and while it doesn't excuse her comments it does kind of help

[02:39:03] me understand why she didn't see a problem with them she apologized to me and told me that she would stop i'm willing to believe her this time also i'm going home for thanksgiving next week and i'm going to see most of the other people who have been making these comments to me your comments have given me the courage to stand up for myself and i plan to put a stop to these comments if they continue to give me a hard time for it i'll just send them the link to my original post so they can see that

[02:39:29] hundreds of people on here are nicer to me than they are for the people who suggested that i contact the manager supervisor or corporate for the store i wanted to let you know that i did just that i hadn't thought about it before but i did that earlier today as it turns out bill was actually let go from his position about a month ago apparently i wasn't the only person he made these kind of comments to even though i played no part in that decision it felt like an appropriate conclusion to the situation

[02:39:55] and i figured you deserve to know thank you so much for all your kind words in your comments and messages i haven't had the time to respond to all of your comments but i promise i've read every single one and they definitely made me smile for a good reason you've renewed my faith in humanity i feel like i just gained a few hundred new friends i hope you all have an amazing day and i gotta be honest i'm not really surprised that this guy was let go obviously i don't know

[02:40:20] his full behavior we have one situation here but like i said previously if he's confident enough to say this to one person who what else is he saying to other people as well it just seems like absolute bullshit it wouldn't surprise me if it's like a go-to line oh smile for me or whatever why aren't you smiling all this kind of thing and i know it's linked to misogyny in this but i find the phrase anyway you should smile more at a random stranger a real odd thing to say anyway you never know what

[02:40:47] someone's going through life you don't know what's going on at home you don't know their background situation anything could be going on you know they could have lost a loved one they could be going for abuse they could be depressed there could be any sorts of things going on in their home life and someone coming up to you and saying oh you should smile more it's like like a slap in the face anyway what do you guys make of this situation have you ever gone through something similar before

[02:41:13] has someone ever come up to you and said you should smile more how did you feel about it how did it make you feel let us know your thoughts down in the comments below so a lot of these stories are going to be on the shorter end of things they haven't got like updates and various stuff like that they're just little short stories of people having various disputes and and neighbor problems you know what i'm like i've got plenty of stories myself about neighbors and i absolutely love to read them

[02:41:37] it's one of the things i do like i watch a lot of like shit british tv like nightmare neighbors and and read the subreddits about neighbors as well but like i said i know it's not for everyone i think like the last neighbor's story when i had people say what are you reading this shit for but we'll start with a comment that was in our reddit one about about nightmare neighbors and golf and that said when i lived with my parents we had a knock at the door one day from our neighbors across the road they told us a story that resulted in their car getting stolen the night

[02:42:06] before apparently the wife had seen a strange looking man wandering around the street late at night he'd apparently been looking into car windows which were parked on driveways including our cars the next morning their bmw was gone including the keys which were hanging by the front door of their house they assumed the strange man looking in car windows had somehow fished the keys from the house via the letterbox the whole thing sounded very strange to not call the police when a man is

[02:42:34] literally peering through car windows on people's driveways was strange enough months later the neighbors got a divorce and sold their house turns out they'd made the whole thing up that dumped the car for the insurance as they had fallen on hard times apparently their shitty story hadn't held up well and they were found out who broadcasts a story like that why make yourself look stupid for not calling the police when seeing a strange man iron up cars then tell all the neighbors about the man

[02:43:01] i imagine the story that they made up about the guy peeking around they were hoping that someone was going oh yeah i saw a guy peeking through car windows at the same time as well to sort of like back up their story but obviously i don't know that another user who's deleted since said a neighbor messed up when building a home and put his entire home well within my property large piece of land with two huge clearings connected to two roads but separated by a large isthmus of trees i didn't

[02:43:26] notice because i had taken an eighth month vacation right after he started building huge property i didn't go around and inspect it often so i got a real estate lawyer and surveyors to confirm it was in my property i was going to sell him that clearing for a good price until i went to talk to him he was the biggest arsehole i'd ever met he essentially told me that he's going to sue me for leading him on despite the fact that i did not know him nor have i met him before that day his wife flipped my girlfriend

[02:43:55] and i as we're pulling out of the driveway four months later i filed a lawsuit saying he must destroy the property or turn it over to me immediately it would have cost him more to demolish it and return the site to the original condition so he signed the house over to me he was still out for construction costs i was living in a single wide with my girlfriend and i had a brand new 2600 square foot house with all the hookups for water electric and cable for free got the land for next

[02:44:21] to nothing sold it for almost 50 times the value you just build your house on someone's property and then get and then be a complete arsehole about it i mean how the fuck do you do that in the first place surely if you're building a house something that's going to cost thousands and thousands of pounds tens of thousands of pounds maybe hundreds of thousands of pounds surely you're 100 certain where that house is being built wonder how often that sort of thing happens anyway i'll jump in with my own little story

[02:44:49] seeing as we're doing neighbor stories and when i was a bit younger as always i can never remember the exact ages you know life has just been absolute chaos i like to think around 10 11 somewhere around there and we always used to play on the estate there was always a big group of us who used to play together big group of friends let's say around 10 of us who used to play and we lived quite close to the city center and sort of surrounding where we lived we lived on a council estate surrounding where we lived there was more privately homed houses more expensive kind of houses and for the most part

[02:45:19] everyone around there was wonderful to us and you know respected us and we respected them and we'd help them out occasionally you know moving stuff from the house if it was heavy there's a lot of older people where we lived so as youngsters you know we like to help out where we could we were little shits sometimes you know but we did like to help out but i always remember this one woman and i may have mentioned her before we used to call her like sort of like a border patrol because she would literally she would

[02:45:46] circle our estate she would walk around and she would eye us up to make sure we weren't up to any mischief and if she if there was any mischief going on she would call the police she once called the police because we was playing cricket sort of like on a field in the sort of the middle of all our houses about 200 meters away her car was parked in the car park and she said well if that ball if that we use a tennis ball at the time we didn't use a cricket ball that tennis ball hits my car it's going

[02:46:11] to damage it and don't get me wrong i can totally understand her being concerned about her car but there was no way because because of the way the houses were that that ball would have went anywhere near her car it would have bounced off the wall before it even went close to her car being a grown-up now i understand you don't want your car to be damaged but she would constantly call the police about smaller things i would say actually speaking of which she once called the police on one of our friends for um crossing the road without waiting for the the green man i think they call it jaywalking

[02:46:40] in america don't they but i don't actually believe it's an offense in the uk so but she called the police on us on about on that but anyway later on in life this woman also had a couple of dogs and she had this very bizarre thing and i've pieced this together from various people over time i just don't i don't know all the full ins and outs because you know i didn't stalk her but on the estate we lived in this this feels bizarre even said on this estate where we lived there was like a

[02:47:07] tree in the middle and she would walk through and she would throw bags of dog shit up in the tree don't ask me why because i don't know i can only i can only imagine she just liked us all so much in the area that she wanted to throw dog shit in the tree oh life i don't think it was noticed for the most part to begin with but over time obviously as more

[02:47:34] of these bags started appearing god knows how she got those bags up there to be quite honest she must be like because it wasn't a tree with like loads of needles that could like the bag would hang on really easily it was quite the branches were quite spacious on it so you know if if there was ever like an olympian level dog shit thrower she should be top but yeah i'm going off anyway but yeah there was like i don't know how many bags let's say around 10 12 there was a lot of dog shit in this tree

[02:48:00] and you may question you know why why don't you just get the crap out the tree and throw it away and it's like you know it was like 10 11 around then we're not picking up someone else's dog shit out of a tree you know these days i'd probably consider it for the good all of all around us you know the good of the community 10 or 11 years old back then fuck that but it got to the point where someone had reported her they saw her doing it they reported her and we don't know what police

[02:48:26] action was actually taken we was told that there was a potential fine for what she did that she did receive a fine and she would have gotten more if she didn't clean it up herself but i honestly don't know and i don't think anyone else really knows because you know the police didn't go around woman fine for throwing dog shit in a tree read all about it it didn't happen so i like to think that she was fine but people did tell me that she did have to get the crap out of the tree and she was trying to get

[02:48:52] people to help her climb in the tree to get these bags out of it because she had to use some like um litter pickers are they called no they got like you got a handle and you pull the trigger and it grabs on the end like a little claw like a little claw to grab it and she just wasn't able to get it all because some of it was quite high she she must have like literally spun it around and launched it in the tree like like a bowler ball what they used to throw around and whip around people's ankles that

[02:49:16] kind of thing she must have whipped up and threw it like that that's nasty in it she was a wild one she's no longer with us anymore bless her you sort of dislike her but you look back on her with the the funny stories and you think you were one wild asshole but don't pop the bubble says i finally figured out what is going on with my bizarre neighbor and says this is sort of a funny neighbors from hell story that recently happened to me hope you all enjoy i'm on mobile so sorry for formatting

[02:49:45] etc so i live in a two family home in a neighborhood of other two family homes i've known the lady next door now for about six years she's lovely about three years ago her elderly mother died and she rented out her downstairs apartment to this old guy who looks exactly like xenophilius lovegood i'm sorry i don't know how to pronounce that properly from the harry potter movies he's early 70s long stringy

[02:50:10] white hair a bit bent over looks like maybe one or two screws loose but relatively harmless he has a black and white dog the first day he moves in seems very friendly says hi waves his dog seems relaxed and interested in my dog we go our separate ways down the street a couple of days later he walks by me scowling in the street his dog lunging barking frothing at the mouth he says no when i say hi we go

[02:50:35] our separate ways down the street this switch continues to happen over the next two years one day he's friendly and his dog is fine the next he's a bit of an asshole and his dog is in a frenzy at one point his dog gets off the leash and attacks mine he yells at me about it and refuses to come get his dog from this point on my dog acts extremely agitated when she sees his dog barking weirdly she is fine when she sees his dog being calm my dog usually holds grudges against dogs she doesn't like

[02:51:02] i can't figure this out it happens a few times until i get nervous going outside when he or his dog is out a few weeks ago i was talking to the lady who rents this guy the apartment i shoveled a walkway for her when it snows she's older and i try not to be a neighbor from hell i tell her how odd his and his dog's behavior has been she asked me which one she asked me which one because they are identical twins

[02:51:27] with identical dogs i legitimately thought they were the same person and the same dog for two and a half years folks today was the day after all this time living next door i finally saw the two guys together for the record they also dressed in nearly identical matching outfits and final appeal comes in with a story saying i put up a fluorescent fence because my neighbors complained my sprinklers got their rocks

[02:51:53] wet ongoing dispute with neighbors they were angry that my husband was mowing a little three feet of lawn that was adjacent to us after doing it for 28 years they called police for my husband mowing that little section of grass in that area of the park strip when police told him that the park strip was public property and he could at least mow that section they put down grass killer so i turned them into city zoning for having dead grass in their section of park strip as well as having nothing

[02:52:20] but dirt and weeds as their entire front yard they were forced to zero escape their entire yard or putting grass they chose the rock route police told them to not have any contact with us so neighbor would video me sitting on my front porch not speak directly to me but make snide comments etc i never would respond then one day they cut the wire of our electronic dog containment fence which is along the backyard fence hoping my dogs would jump the fence into their yard so

[02:52:46] they could turn them into animal control our system notified us as soon as the connection was broken so we're able to repair it quickly yes we have cameras on our house for proof final straw was her filming my sprinkle is going while the wind was blowing and screaming how the blown mist was getting her rocks wet i am a problem solver i checked into city codes followed all laws took out the building permit and began work we put up a fence to separate the property and painted one side bright colors

[02:53:15] fluorescent green blue pink yellow and orange and two sections even glow in the dark making sure when it was installed the colorful side was facing them now no more wet rocks there are no laws or rules for the color of fence the side that is painted nor which side ledged or flat faces whom and we are not in an hoa goodness and yes the city zoning and building enforcement came out for the final

[02:53:41] inspection and passed us off op did but they actually put a video on youtube i just put a picture of their fence up for you and wow that is a bright fence even for my colorblind ass but pope's nutsack says my constantly drunk neighbor came up with a brilliant idea that he could collect the leaves in the stone parking lot with his snowblower he duct taped the plastic garbage bag over the discharge chute and off he

[02:54:07] goes it actually inflated the bag for a few moments until the stone started flying he broke three windows on his garage door and splattered a bunch of cars in the lot shit my britch is laughing i could write a book on all the stupid shit i saw him do large cause says back in high school one of our neighbors moved away and our house sold to this older woman and her mostly grown sons she was a strange one she cut down every

[02:54:32] tree on her property because of the bad spirits in them the sun seemed to be popular having people drop by at all hours all was relatively quiet until one day while i was home alone there was a knock on the door two gentlemen in very nice black suits and dark ties then identified themselves as fbi and asked me if we were ever approached by a crazy lady or her sons to buy anything i basically replied that they were crazy and we don't talk to them they don't talk to us they hand me their business card then proceed

[02:55:02] on to the next house i looked out the window and i see five blue ford tauruses three red ford astro vans and one viacom truck has been loaded with box after box from neighbor's garage turns out the sons were making those special cable boxes that you got all the channels for free after this it was only strange lady left in their house very briefly we had someone very very similar when we were younger they got taken away i i never saw them again either but back in the day of coming what

[02:55:29] console it was but they were basically copying games but the stupid thing was is that they tried parting out like they made their own um catalog basically of games that they could copy and they went and posted them through people's door like some sort of freaking door-to-door salesman you know they was wrapped up very quickly i think i can remember a friend showing me this catalog and then they disappeared within a couple of weeks and god knows where they went that was a new neighbor as well another deleted user says i posted this one recently so sorry it's a repeat i'll make it short

[02:55:57] i had a problem with a neighbor who drove over my lawn with his atvs and damaged the grass and shrubs he said he'd pay for damage but that never happened and he kept doing it so i put my huge trailer across their tracks to block their path they went around it i put up two other barriers that they also drove around so i found this huge branch that'd fallen in the woods between our properties and dragged it across the third path they were making across my yard but the branch got caught on a cable what is a

[02:56:24] cable doing over the lawn instead of properly buried so i called the cable company to have it buried they said i was the only registered client on that box and to disconnect it so i did after the weekend my neighbor came by going total ape shit at me for disconnecting his cable he yelled he was going to call the cops on me so i left i got a call from the cops cops asked if i disconnected the cable because of the atv issue interesting i wasn't even going to mention the atv issue but my neighbor already

[02:56:54] did so long story short the neighbor got a warning ticket for trespassing and admitted to stealing cable i took an offer on my house that very day and moved ludus says i have crazy neighbors they're actually very nice as neighbors go but the family is totally dysfunctional they have two grown-up daughters living there along with their teenage daughters and their boyfriends one has a kid there are roughly 10 people living there ranging from 5 to 70. keep the yard mode and keep to themselves mostly but

[02:57:23] they are batshit insane i like them actually for two reasons first they are notorious and crazy around our town so everyone leaves them alone so little crime around us second they are entertainment one morning my aunt was visiting we're on the front porch and i'm telling her all about our neighbors i was telling her a story about how one of the younger granddaughters gets in a fight with her boyfriend at 2am on a tuesday night they're screaming at each other walking up and down the street explaining that

[02:57:52] something like that happens once a week like clockwork one of the daughters comes out screaming back at someone and gets in a car her daughter comes out and tries to stop her from backing out she grabs a shovel from the back of the truck and starts hitting the front windshield of the car shattering it they call the cops meanwhile the granddaughter with a shovel calls her bio dad who lives down the road he picks his daughter up two minutes later the cops show up but she is gone

[02:58:16] and i have hundreds like this but it sounds like you almost live around my area and i feel like i have to mention it when i say a story like opie said you know they're entertainment and i i laugh about the stories that i talk but but i feel like i have to mention that i do understand these days and looking back about there's probably a lot of issues going on in in terms of mental health you know i'm not saying that people can't be just assholes because absolutely they can but i think it's important to mention as

[02:58:44] well that they're probably going through some stuff at the same time does it excuse the behavior absolutely not but it's still something that happened in my life and i think you know sharing it why the hell not but as i was scrolling through the comments i i saw a name that mentioned that was mentioned and it reminded me of another story i'm gonna call her what should i call her in this one let's call her tina tina is a part of one of the sisters of which i i usually call in these stories

[02:59:10] like the mafia family they're the family that thought you know they were the the big bollocks of the area if you like like that last story that we just read highly dysfunctional family totally messed up they have they fight within each other but they still consider themselves you know we're we're family we all back each other up no matter what but they absolutely hate each other at the same time but this woman tina she's got two kids and one of the kids that we sort of played with when

[02:59:37] we was younger as well you know we got along with him he's absolutely fine with us and for the most part didn't get into this this whole dysfunction he is now mind you which is incredibly sad but at this point you know he had this this bike ramp it's just like a plastic ramp like a cheese wedge if you like and he brought it out and we all used to play with it we always get on our bikes and jump off it or rollerblades and try and you know do jumps off it and tricks and stuff like that so we're all

[03:00:04] playing with it and and then one of our friends let's call him ken rides his bike and goes to jump off it but as he hits it like his front wheel just goes through it it's like hollow plastic thing it's not solid it just it goes through it and it cracks the it cracks this ramp and immediately tina pops out the window and she's effing and jeffing about how we all broke it and we're all little pricks and all this kind of thing absolutely lost her shit none of us kids like this woman even her son wasn't keen

[03:00:34] on her to be fair at that time not sure what our relationship is like now but she really thought she was something you know she's just strut about the estate and she's having a go at us and you know we're all just looking a bit horrified at this moment with her we're in trouble here but she was hanging out the top bedroom window at this point she slams the window shut and we thought maybe that's the end of it couple minutes later she pops out of nowhere she grabs little ken's bike and she takes it over to the river and she just chucks it in first sort of kids we're sort of hanging back but

[03:01:02] the river's quite close to a park where we were i've talked about the park when we when we was watching swan man from that point we watched her do this and we just like stood there like what the hell do we do we're sort of like what the fuck but at the same time we're not getting involved with this grown woman who's going absolute crazy and i'm talking crazy you know she's thrown this bike in and she sort of like walks past the park just looks at us and scowls us like the fuck was we meant to do man you know ken didn't purposely break that ramp he just went into it and it just broke it was obviously

[03:01:31] going to break on someone it could have been me it could have been her son who broke it could have been anyone but this is the kind of person that she is absolutely loses her shit she sends her daughter after people as well she sent her daughter after one of our friends once older daughter but you know that was quickly regretted let me tell you but that's a story for another time we did manage to fish the bike back out we sort of like we sort of fabricated this i can't remember what it was it was like a it's a large piece of metal that we we sort of bent by putting it between bars and then

[03:02:00] like twisting it around to make a hook on it so we we kind of fabricated this this makeshift hook and we sort of halfway dangled over the edge of the river i know as stupid as it sounds you know there was two of us holding the other person but it's just ridiculous you know but we managed to fish this bike out in the end we was gonna wait for this dude there used to be this guy who used to come around to the river i know it just sounds mad doesn't it but he used to work for them and he used to come around and he used to have like this rope with a hook on it and he used to fish the trolleys out

[03:02:29] and we used to help him do that as well he's a really nice guy and we used to love this guy unfortunately he's not with us anymore either but you may be asking yourself like what why didn't his parents do anything about this woman and his mom was she she's a smaller woman he's very very passive she's quite she was a bit older much older considering how old tina was and in the nicest possible way she just wouldn't have stood a chance and you think why didn't she call the police and you know it seems ridiculous for me to say this sort of thing now because i wouldn't hesitate to call

[03:02:59] law on people about doing stupid shit like that and it's gonna sound ridiculous when i say it but it's just something you didn't do around the area you know it sounds insane for me to be saying it it really does and when we was younger we didn't really notice too much of the crime that went on but as we got older we noticed that there was lots of stuff that went on you know there's family there was drug dealers and all sorts of stuff but holy moly you don't report people like that when you're

[03:03:25] living around that area i mean end up getting yourself hurt which again i know sounds like madness but it was anyway i'm just gonna stop there for now and you have to let me know if you enjoy sort of like the neighbor's side of stories and stuff it's one of my favorite things reading neighbor stories and being able to relate in some in some ways as crazy as it is and hearing your neighbor's stories as well it's one of my favorite things you know i'm a nosy bastard i do have i do have trouble telling my

[03:03:55] story sometimes not because like trauma based or anything like that but you know i i i tell them like i the dog shit tree story and i was thinking after like fuck me that sounds that sounds wild don't it that just sounds like bog shit in a tree why the fuck they doing that but you know i can only tell what i know and people believe it or not it's up to them you know before we do get into it i do want to give you a couple of warnings that it does contain grooming rental death talk of cancer

[03:04:22] as well so if you do want to skip the story please feel free to do so as i said time stamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below thank you now this is from derpy pets be the best from the am i the arsehole subreddit and says am i the arsehole older woman is trying to mother my boyfriend and ice me out i think she's overbearing and i need some boundaries we've been dating for

[03:04:47] one year plus three months in his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer had to move home several states away i moved out at his request for three months and got my own place his mom and i got along amazingly she even left family jewelry to me in her will he told me about his friend 25 female who had a crush on him in high school fine he also told me that he stayed at her apartment for a night when he'd gotten

[03:05:12] there also fine but things got weird when i met her mom we went over to hers for dinner and she and her mom only talked about how close he was to them they told me that when he'd gone over to 25 females house he stripped down to his undies so she could do his laundry and that she did his hair he'd never mention this they have a special nickname for him and he'd tease me for not using it the daughter even

[03:05:38] went upstairs to change into the same outfit i was wearing the mom was even more possessive for months now she's iced me out over and over i didn't hear from him for two days and later found out she'd taken him on a trip to new york when he moved back the mom flew up to help and asked him to stay in a hotel room for the night he could have stayed at mine i asked one bed or two he said my suggestion was

[03:06:04] gross she's like a mom to him she keeps crossing boundaries she takes sips of his drink at dinner when i take a bite of his food she immediately asks him to make her a bite this summer they insisted they all take a vacation together and i wasn't invited a few days ago his mother passed he decided to stay in his condo alone for the night 50s female flew in at 1am and went straight to his condo

[03:06:30] there's no couch and it's a one bedroom she slept in his bed for two days i was shocked but i didn't say anything this is not the time he can barely talk and is processing his grief but i was so appalled and insulted she also told me not to come over to check on him she even asked me to drive her around and run errands for her i ignored that and went over every time i tried to get close to him cuddle in his bed

[03:06:57] sit next to him she took my place or made him move then she got ice cream on her shirt and she took it off in the living room as i was laying next to him she hovered over us his uncle and grandparents seemed to have an issue with her too he told me that she and his family were fighting over him he never stops her from crossing the line he needs to solve that or i need to eventually walk away because i can't feel like an intruder in my own partnership forever would i be the arsehole to

[03:07:25] ask for some boundaries here or am i being jealous and controlling in the comments someone asks why haven't you spoken about this with him before and op says his mom has been terminally ill all year and he's been in such a low place i hardly saw him in person and this is an in-person talk i didn't want to spoil our time together when i did see him or burden him with trying to renegotiate existing relationships he's getting support from during this rough period now that

[03:07:52] she's passed and he can start healing i'll wait a little while and talk this out with him the really weird stuff started happening just recently when he's at his worst so i've been holding off someone asks about the water cup and op says he said about them stealing his water cups that he gave up trying to stop them a while ago because they keep doing it so they kind of wore him down and are persistent on some things like that he one time said something to the mum like stop being weird around op and they didn't talk for a week or two but they worked it out i don't know exactly what was said but i

[03:08:22] didn't dig into it but that was the only time and it was really early on when this stuff started and then never again someone asks if he could be like her sole beneficiary and could she be after the money op says he is the sole beneficiary but she is a very wealthy woman and there's no reason for her to go after the inheritance i also come from wealth and they know i wouldn't be after his money either that's a non-factor i do think she would only be happy if he was with her daughter i have long

[03:08:50] thought that the daughter is dating someone else so it's kind of a weird thing to hold out hope for so op continues in that post giving more info on the last few days and says she flew him back to the home state two days ago and beyond the text telling me they'd arrived i've heard nothing since i know he'll be back in the next few days he has to work next week but i get a sick feeling when i think too much about it i have no idea what's going on over there right now i am super concerned

[03:09:15] but i don't want to blow up his phone either i'm tired of walking on eggshells though i won't lie someone questions op and says why didn't you tell her to put a shirt on op says i thought she was going to do a quick shirt swap he was in the bathroom and i figured if she was just swapping shirts quickly it's no big deal but she got distracted by her phone while changing and stood on her phone in a bra long enough for him to come out of the bathroom and the whole time he

[03:09:41] was saying goodnight to me it's actually creepier than i described above kind of wordy and hard to explain but i'll do my best she opened the little laundry closet and was standing by the little closet door like five feet from us and it blocked my full view of her from where i stood as we said goodnight i'd move there after she took her shirt off to try and give her privacy if it was the quick swap i thought it was but i could see her watching me give him a hug through the crack in the door over

[03:10:06] his shoulder i was like what the fuck someone questions the boyfriend's response to one bed or two and op says he seemed grossed out by the suggestion there was anything sexual between them i do genuinely believe there is nothing blatantly sexual going on from his end and that realizing the stuff she's doing is grooming-esque will be a huge eye-opening shock to him i think he's been conditioned to see her as mama bear or mother hen for him and his friends there's another guy our age that she has a

[03:10:34] similar closeness with and he thinks it's all totally platonic because they've broken down his barriers one by one slowly someone says his mom was friends with this woman op says so when i first came onto the scene his mom was not a fan he said she felt replaced by this woman even before it got really crazy so i didn't bring it up much with his mom since it was a touchy subject as his mom got worse his friend started coming over to his house and befriending his mom i think she put up with it to

[03:11:02] make him happy and make him feel supported as he was dealing with her getting worse that woman was a saint i adored her the moment his mom passed she pissed off his grandparents and uncles immediately after spending the last two months befriending them she has a son already i had a holy moment yesterday and realized there's another guy our age that she has similar closeness with like my boyfriend and i realized this is a pattern there's girls in the friend group that's always at their house so i didn't

[03:11:30] connect before but she isn't close with the girls like she is with my boyfriend and this other guy he is single before you ask and we'll start with one of the top comments on this post which is from fluke dupes lot who says not the arsehole at all the actions of this older woman show possessiveness grooming and jealousy she's dominating him for her own self-gratification if she really did care about him she wouldn't have ignored his attempts to set boundaries she wouldn't push you out she would

[03:11:56] in fact want more people there for him not fewer she's a predator she's a manipulator she has set herself up to speak for him as though she's the one who knows what he needs and cares about him most she is not what she says isn't important her actions are important and she's isolating and dominating him he's conditioned to it and his grief has made him even more susceptible to her wiles which she has capitalized on i think you could wait in the wings for a bit or you could talk to him sooner the message

[03:12:25] could be something like older woman has taken a lot of space in your life she's acting like she's an authority in your life and she's explaining your life to you to make her a large and critical part of it i think she's disrespectful possessive and overbearing but what i think isn't important as what you think and what you want your life to be like you didn't have to accept the place in your life she has demanded and taken but you can it's your life and i and like her want to respect your

[03:12:51] autonomy and give you choices take your time and figure things out it's on him to decide who he wants in his life if he can't get out from under our influence he's not life partner material spare engineer says not the arsehole this would definitely be an ultimatum situation for me honestly i'm already a jealous person i try not to be but seriously this is way crossing the line and would be completely unacceptable regardless if he's grieving or not i'd be like you'll want him so

[03:13:18] bad you can have him he doesn't seem to be trying to include you or address all the weirdness ping pong professor says not the arsehole you have a boyfriend problem here her behavior is clearly beyond inappropriate and he isn't doing anything to stop it one or more of several things are going on here one he's completely oblivious to how over the top inappropriate this is two he's enjoying her attentions or three he doesn't enjoy her attentions but doesn't have enough of a spine to put a stop to

[03:13:46] it in the end it doesn't really matter which of these is the case a long-term relationship with him simply isn't sustainable as long as she's in the picture you said it yourself in quotes he needs to solve that or i need to eventually walk away because i can't feel like an intruder in my own partnership forever and says so tell him that and there was a lot of people saying you know what a weird situation a lot of people saying op should just break up and a lot of people talking about grooming that she's

[03:14:15] targeted him when he's vulnerable when he's just lost his mum and she spent a long time normalizing this behavior so he can't see what's really going on here but op adds an update to the post and says i called him this morning i haven't heard anything in three days he was asleep whoops he said he would be driving back with her either today or tomorrow he's taking the family dog and it's a 14 hour drive i asked him to let me know when he's coming and keep me in the loop my current plan is to show up when they

[03:14:43] get in regardless of the time and tell her she needs to get a hotel or she can even sleep on my couch they might get in in a weird hour where she can't check in preferable over sharing his bed she's not sleeping there i feel sick to my stomach and i'm trying to do calming breathing but i can't imagine letting another night in a shared bed go by that's all i've got for now i'll update what happens when they get here let me know your thoughts on the current plan op had a small update

[03:15:12] some hours later and says so he texted me saying he was in the car heading back and i couldn't stop myself i said something and i'll provide exact quotes from the text below links to the screenshots can be found on here as well if you want to see it that way then adds a transcript which says me have a safe drive but i need to be up front with this where is the friend staying tonight i think she needs to get a hotel room he said don't think we're making it the whole way today got a pretty

[03:15:39] late start probably a hotel then drive remaining tomorrow but we will see i don't want to kick her out right now she leaves sunday morning because no flights tomorrow op said are you comfortable with us sleeping in your bed opi says i don't care to be honest she's like a parent to me so it's never made me uncomfortable i'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable i didn't have my couch yet otherwise i would sleep there but i'm not going to make her get a hotel when she's like family to me i need you to be okay with this right now please i can't handle more questioning about my

[03:16:07] decisions than my family has already done every single day for the past week so please just say you're okay right now we can talk about this a different time if you want but i'm barely keeping my together opi continues so i was just wow i was speechless i know he's struggling hard but i couldn't believe he would blatantly say her staying over was more important to him than my clear discomfort i do want to have an in-person discussion about this with him those who would say leave now i hear you

[03:16:36] but it's hard to do a 180 in a day edit i made a mistake on the last update left out two middle texts by accident but overall the message was the same as you can imagine on that post people were asking questions like what the fuck's going on here if they started off like why the fuck is she coming with him anyway hope he said she's coming with him because they're driving the family dog back that he's taken on now that his mom passed it's like a 14 hour drive and he doesn't like to drive so she hopped on it it's his place she had nothing to do with it financially

[03:17:05] i dread them taking this trip together but i will arrive in the middle of the night if i have to when they get in and tell her to take her bags and stay in a hotel someone asked how long has this been going on opi says he's known him since he was 14 she made a comment like i've had him 11 years almost longer than his family did the day after his mom died i felt so skeeved out by that wording and three days from that post opi adds forgive the delay we talked yesterday but i was tired and

[03:17:33] didn't get typing it up we talked in person basically he agreed with everything they won't let him have a relationship and they need to stop the weird shit he agreed he wants us to all be friends and i said i could try if and only if the weird shit stops now and forever i doubt it he agreed she's possessive and controlling and it needs to stop i challenged why he'd say this now but on friday i said there's an issue and he told me to leave it alone felt hypocritical he said if he puts

[03:18:02] boundaries up with them they will retaliate his words against me and blame me for ruining their friendship i pointed out how toxic and unhealthy that is he agreed one action taken words don't mean much now if he can't put up boundaries immediately and hold to them i'm gone but even if he does hold to it i can't constantly worry about this she can't fight to possess and control him every time there's a

[03:18:28] crisis especially not a mutual crisis house burns down pet dies when i'm struggling too i'm still at a loss of what to do here his mom died a week ago and leaving him after he said he wants to fix it is tough but it's just us things are fantastic for those saying leave now i do hear you i'm not shutting my ears to you it's a lot to switch from seeing a future considering leaving it all right now holy moly that is

[03:18:55] scary shit when op was explaining about you know she took her top off and she was in her bra and then she was peeking through like the crack in the door watching them cuddle they made eye contact i was like that's some horror movie stuff man and when he was talking about putting up boundaries and and he said they would retaliate against the op for ruining their friendship gee whiz but now i'm gonna turn this

[03:19:20] one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation how would you deal with it let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story and our next story comes from the am i the arsehole subreddit it doesn't have an update just to give you that warning in case you don't want to skip it and it's from throwaway account that says am i the arsehole for telling my

[03:19:43] daughter she's a disappointment i have two daughters 23 female 20 female they're both so beautiful and smart and i really love them both i always wanted them to be strong and independent women who could stand on their own feet and i tried to raise them that way they were both interested in volleyball i always supported their interest my younger is still playing in a team and also studying at a good university she's really hard working and even if she does not succeed in playing professional

[03:20:13] volleyball she will definitely have a good job my older daughter quit both sports and school when she got pregnant at the age of 18 when she first told us that she was pregnant was very upset and advised her to have an abortion because having a child at such a young age would disrupt her life she did not want to have an abortion and my wife supported her decision to be honest i was very insistent on her having an abortion at the time but when i saw that she remained determined i dropped the

[03:20:38] issue and supported her fully even though i didn't want to she got married quickly with the baby's father then she decided to stay at home and take care of her child and her husband started to work i never wanted my daughter to be financially dependent on her husband but i never voiced it either but of course my daughter knows that i'm bothered by this yesterday we're having dinner with my daughters and my wife my wife and daughter started talking about being a mother my wife told her that even

[03:21:04] though i wanted her to have an abortion i love my grandson very much now my daughter asked me if that was so and i said of course i love him i really love my grandson but my daughter knew that i was bothered by her situation so it didn't sound sincere at all my daughter said i could give an honest answer i told that i really loved my grandson but that i was disappointed that she'd become a mother at an early

[03:21:29] age had left school and her job and was now dependent on a man she didn't argue with me but the rest of the night was a bit tense at the end of the night she went home and my wife started a fight over what i said i told her that she was the one who wanted an honest answer but my wife is sure that i'm an arsehole my younger one agrees with me but says i was rude to say it out loud edit i'm not sorry that my daughter doesn't live the life i want i'm sorry that she lives dependent on another

[03:21:57] person and i can't say that their marriage is going very well they chose the sport they wanted to be interested in university they wanted to go to all their hobbies etc i didn't force anything on them all i want is for them to be self-sufficient i also told my daughter that i would pay for a babysitter if she wanted to go back to school or get a job yes she's only 23 years old could still have a career but she's not doing that and in the comments emerald says i'm gonna give you some serious advice and i

[03:22:26] hope you listen to it op i'm the daughter in this situation i got pregnant when i was 16. was it a great idea absolutely not but the decision was made it was done well my mom was exactly like you consistently bringing up things like how she thought my life would be different she was disappointed i became such a young mother she had bigger plans for me it's such a shame i didn't listen to her when she told me to abort etc etc for years well guess what now i'm 37 i'm happy and

[03:22:55] successful and my daughter is 21 now and one of the best people literally on the planet i guess who i haven't spoken to in four years because i got so tired of listening to the crap over the years that's right my mom if you value your relationship with your daughter and grandson it's time to let go of the dreams you had for her life and focus on being a supportive and kind part of the life she has now happy trifler says question is your daughter happy being a wife and mother i'm going

[03:23:22] to say you're the arsehole even though i can understand being disappointed that said please keep in mind that being a successful parent isn't about raising a child to be who you want them to be but raising them to be confident in who they want to be if your daughter is happy then that's all that matters blum says unpopular opinion but no one's an arsehole here being financially dependent on another person is dangerous especially as a woman even if the provider is not toxic an accident or death

[03:23:50] could change everything in my opinion both parents should be responsible for providing is safer for the child the first month is really hard for the birth mother so most of them staying home for this period not only for the recovery but to stay close with the baby after this it's normal to go back daughter can still be an independent adult in the future which 10 replies that and says for real these all the arseholes are crazy opie sounds extremely genuine and isn't making over the top demands

[03:24:18] opie just wants her daughter to be financially independent and educated what's the harm in that a thought without much credibility i feel like opie's daughter isn't happy as well and was looking for validation through a son judgment not the arsehole and one more comment from some sugar and spices as not the arsehole it's very understandable that you feel the way you do you have a point it's incredibly dangerous for women to be dependent on men the path your daughter has chosen leaves her in a

[03:24:45] vulnerable position where she won't be a fully autonomous human being her husband will always have a say over her even if it's unconscious for all involved you want what's best for your daughter her being able to live a safe life her life isn't possible if she's financially dependent on her husband you also didn't call her a disappointment you called the circumstances surrounding her situation disappointing while making it explicitly clear that you love your grandson and don't resent him

[03:25:11] or her the only thing you can do is be there for her things go south and hope she has the ability to leave if she ever needs to many women won't be able to take that step tragically i always find the word disappointment like or i'm disappointed in you like such a kick in the nuts i can't remember what program it was where where they said i'm not mad at you i'm just disappointed and i kind of felt like is that really what opie's trying to get across it sounded more like they're scared for them then

[03:25:40] they're worried for them like some of the comments saying about you know being financially dependent on one person etc etc and there was a lot of people in the comments below that one sharing their horror stories of that kind of thing but what do you guys make of this one there's some verdicts both ways on that many people saying you know if she's happy you know just be there to support her in case anything else happens other people saying you know they can get where opie's coming from what's your verdict

[03:26:06] on this one let us know your thoughts down in the comments below now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories your love support and time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so much for being involved truly it's absolutely amazing and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love