Girlfriend Said I Shouldn't Attend A Party As A Guy She Slept With From Before Is There

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and if you're on mobile you can hit that cheeky hype button if you fancy it. Totally up to you though, no pressure of course. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00] Now this story comes from the relationship advice subreddit from MaximumLavishness39 and says 21 male, my girlfriend 20 female of 5 months is hiding the identity of the person she slept with and we're going to be going to a party with them. Would you break up if this was you?

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_00] Was out with my girlfriend today visiting family for the weekend and she brought up one of her mates party we'd been invited to last month and was asking if I was still planning to come with her. I told her yes and she proceeds to tell me you probably wouldn't want to. I prod as to why and she states someone is going who she slept with in the past, however all communications with them has been stopped since.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_00] I didn't really think anything of it. The past is the past and what matters to me is what you do now. I say to her that it's fine, it doesn't bother me and I'll still come with her. I then ask out of curiosity who the person is just so I'm aware when we're there. However this is what really alarmed me.

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_00] She turns around and says I'm not telling you. It's not something you need to know. I argued with her explaining that it's out of respect for me to know the person she slept with as I'm going to be there with them. Despite this she still refuses and proceeds to say oh whilst you're at it do you want to have a timeline of everyone I've slept with including their names.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00] I obviously say no as that isn't what I was asking for in the slightest. A group chat had been made for everyone invited to this party so I asked my girlfriend who it was in the group chat. She then tells me the person isn't on the group chat for whatever reason. At this point I feel like she is lying through her teeth to be blunt and has something to hide. After that I stopped pursuing it as my mum had made us dinner because we were visiting the weekend and went to go eat where she proceeds to tell me

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00] she is poorly and doesn't want to eat. She wasn't poorly at all and I felt very angry and disrespected that my mum had made time to make us dinner and she wanted to lie about it. And after all that my mum would not stop checking up to make sure she was okay. I didn't want to make my girlfriend feel out of place in my home so I went with what she said. I came back upstairs and she's crying and calling me a psycho. Fast forward a few hours and she tells me her friend doesn't want me at this party anymore because

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00] I'm going to cause drama and it's her day not mine. Which I turn around and say I never had a problem with the guy she slept with being there. I only had a problem with her hiding who it is from me. Surely if a guy that you've been with before is there you'd want me there to show off your boyfriend and not immediately try and get me not to come. The thing is even if she's not done anything inherently wrong why are you lying to me and hiding something from me? I've never asked who the people she slept with before are

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00] but I thought as I would be meeting this person it's appropriate. Something tells me they're in fact still talking whether it's platonic or not and she's been caught out in a lie and trying to gaslight her way out of it. I know it sounds like a pretty bone question. Does it mean dumb question? I don't know. But would any of you feel as if you should break up as well? TLDR girlfriend hiding the identity of someone she slept with despite us going to a party where we will be at together proceeds to gaslight me into saying I'm crazy

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00] and now I'm uninvited. Hmm those red flags are certainly flagging on this one for me. You know it's not about the hookup as such it's just the reaction to it. She could have simply turned around and said you know it's Derek from number 29. Job done. Part of me initially is I was just going through it thinking she just doesn't want you at that party for whatever reason that is. But instead now she's deflecting and accusing you of demanding you know her sexual history and all that.

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00] Fake being ill at your mum's dinner and calling you a psycho as well. And then obviously there's been some communication in the background because then you got uninvited to avoid the truth coming out basically. One of those situations where you gotta just look. Five months? It's kind of a trust your gut situation I think. Sad bodybuilder says I would definitely end it over this. This sounds very immature and she's clearly playing games here. You don't want that. Trust me.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00] It sounds very sketchy that she not only had to tell you that it was someone she slept with but also emphasized two things. Namely she's telling you that it would be better not to go. And her saying they stopped talking. That sounds like a big waving red flag. Another commenter says I'm with you on this one. I feel awkward at a party not knowing who it was. Especially if everyone around me knew. And I feel bad putting my boyfriend in that awkward position.

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00] Space commuter says well let's take stock. Your girlfriend has poisoned her friend against you so badly she's uninvited you from the party. The version of the story the hostess believes is the version she'll be telling her guests when people ask why you aren't there. By the time that party is over everyone will know who her ex was but you still won't. Yes given the way she has poisoned her friends against you and the way she sees you as the outsider she has to shut out of her private life. I think you have more than enough reason to break up with her now.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_00] Shroomsy says this probably won't be the first weird and extremely uncomfortable situation she puts you through if you continue. Especially after saying you are no longer welcome it shows she values the thoughts and feelings of her friends more than you. Doesn't make her a bad person but you may not want to deal with that for the rest of your life. Do without what you will. Good luck dude. Opie then adds an edit to the post and says thank you everyone for all the replies already. I appreciate your honesty and support.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00] For those calling me insecure and what not we're both in the military which in itself requires a lot of trust especially after spending time away from each other and the majority of her mates also being lads. Never been a problem for me and never had any issues before until this point. Did also see one comment about me denying her food which made me laugh but sure. But anyway I've never pried into her past before and she's never spoken about her past partners without me asking. It's never bothered me however.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_00] I do believe it's basic respect to know who this person is that she has slept with as she brought it up and to avoid any awkwardness. I don't think a simple question is that much of an ask. If she had told me right then and there I wouldn't have even thought twice about it. For those of you talking about this friend of hers supporting her some context on the kind of person she is might be useful. She also has a boyfriend but has been deployed to Cyprus for a few months decided to break up with her boyfriend

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_00] slept with the whole island from what my girlfriend told me then came back and got with her boyfriend and the boyfriend is still completely unaware of the truth supposedly. To also clear up about the group chat I hadn't put a message in the group chat itself. I just asked my girlfriend personally who the person was as I assumed it'd be in there due to it being made up of people invited to this party to which she answers that he's not in there for some reason. Whether or not she has done anything wrong in terms of her intentions

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_00] or if she's still communicating with this bloke is beyond me. Withdrawing such a simple question after telling me someone's there she had slept with has put me way off and not something I want in a relationship. Anyway sorry for the massive spiel again I'm going to sleep on it but I'm pretty sure I already know what I'm gonna do. Cheers guys. So OP did come back into the post to update and they said so a little update for those of you which care. It's time for us to head back from my family for the weekend

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00] and I decided it wasn't the right time to do it at my house and alienate her despite everything that has happened. We're driving back and as we're nearly there I ask her on everything I raised to her before to which she replies the same as before. Anyway eventually I get to the point where I wanted to say that I no longer want to be together with her. She's obviously quite angry at this point but I drop her off and go on my own way. She then begins to message calling me every name under the sun and turning the failure of our relationship to my fault.

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_00] At this point she finally decides to tell me the name of the person but at this point I tell her that I'm no longer interested and that it's too late. She then replies to all of this saying the only reason she didn't tell me was so I wouldn't spend all night staring at him and ruin our night but I've never given her a reason to think I would behave like this. After some back and forth she eventually apologizes for what happened as she says she only wanted us to have a good night. She also tells me she didn't tell her friend to uninvite me. Her friend did it off her own back

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_00] because she was crying about the situation to her. At this point she is groveling and begging for me to come back as all she wants is me. It's been a lot harder for me to just forget about her and I feel awful that she's hurt like this especially knowing her mental health is in the gutter but I think I know deep down it's what's right despite it all. I don't think I can have this reaction over something that could have been solved instantly as in the future something more serious could happen and the damage could be worse. Little update and it says

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00] most likely final. I know I shouldn't have and it was probably pretty hypocritical of me but she asked to see me one last time to leave things on a better note and I obliged as we'd most likely see each other more than we would like. And I know I'm only young but that was one of the hardest experiences of my life. That girl isn't a bad person. I just believe she is too immature for me. I didn't believe she did anything inherently malicious however the hiding and lying and the way she reacted to things

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_00] was what pushed me away from future problems unfortunately. I think it would have been one thing to come into this for her afterwards and explain the reasons and maybe she was anxious about the night going like this or that or the other but the fact that she came in and started just calling you every name under the sun and turning the failure of the relationship on your fault rather than looking inwards. I don't blame you for taking a step back after this one but what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_00] Did you see this one coming? Maybe you have a different thought on the matter. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now this story comes from a throwaway account from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and it says Am I the Arsehole for cancelling the plans for Thanksgiving after my parents called my brother's baby their first grandchild? I, 32 female have been with my wife Ava, 34 female for 8 years now

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00] but we've been married for 5. She was a single mom of 3 kids when we started dating. She has 2 daughters now 10 and 12 and a son now 16. I've watched these kids grow up I've read the bedtime stories done bath time the first days of school PTA meetings all of it. I very much consider them to be my kids and they've been calling me mom for almost 6 years now. My brother Ivan 28 male just had a baby girl with his fiancee Sarah

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_00] 27 female. I love my niece and my kids adore their cousin. My kids have been the only grandchildren on my side of the family since Ava and I got together and there's never been a moment where the kids and my wife were treated like they didn't belong. My brother is their uncle my mom and dad are their nana and pop. The kids see my family as their family and I've always thought that my family felt the same way about them. The kids and I were over at my brother's house just hanging out and my parents ended up

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_00] dropping by with gifts for my niece. Ivan laughed when he saw the toys and told our mom and dad that they were going to end up spoiling her rotten. My mom said my niece is their first grandchild of course they have to spoil her. My kids were sitting in the living room with all of us and my youngest daughter looked hurt when she realized what my mother said. My son and my 12 year old didn't fully react to it but I could tell it bothered both of them too. Sarah spoke up and said oh you mean first grandbaby

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_00] not first grandchild. My dad shook his head and replied that my niece was their first grandchild. I didn't want my kids to keep sitting there and listening to that so I handed my son the keys and told him to go and wait in the car with his sisters. When they were gone I asked my parents why the hell they'd say that my kids weren't their grandchildren and my mom said they couldn't be their grandchildren because they weren't really my children. My wife and I were going to be hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year and I told my parents

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00] that if they didn't view my kids as their family they could just host a meal at their own house with their real family while I spend the holiday with mine. I left before they could say anything else to me and my wife and I have reiterated to the children that they will always be my kids and I will always be their other mom regardless of our DNA. My brother is pissed at me now because he thinks I reacted too harshly and that I should try to see where my parents are coming from. My mom texted saying that she and my dad

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_00] love the kids but they still aren't their grandchildren and she hopes we can come to understand that because she doesn't want to ruin my niece's first Thanksgiving. I haven't replied back. I meant what I said but I'm worried that maybe I'm reacting too harshly. ETA info I adopted all three of the kids about four years ago so they aren't just my parents step-grandchildren. Even if I hadn't legally adopted them they'd still be my kids in my eyes. Edit number two My wife's parents don't have a relationship

[00:13:53] [SPEAKER_00] with the kids. When my wife came out they pretty much stopped speaking with her entirely. Their bio dad is not involved and neither is his family. He lost his rights to the children before Ava and I started dating. The 10 year old has never met him the 12 year old doesn't remember him and the 16 year old wants nothing to do with him. My parents wanted the kids to call them Nana and Pop. I didn't make the kids start calling them that. Oh dearie me whenever there is kids involved in stories it absolutely

[00:14:22] [SPEAKER_00] breaks my heart thinking about them sitting there overhearing this processing it and the thoughts and feelings that come with it must be absolutely devastating for them. your parents who wanted the kids to call them Nana and Pop who they've known for years who you've legally adopted they basically just heard that they don't count as real grandchildren in front of everyone and all you simply did in this situation is protected your children from people who just publicly rejected them and that was absolutely the right thing to do

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_00] and you know these children aren't someone who just came into their lives they've you've been married for five years together eight and you adopted them four years ago they've been playing grandparents this whole time and I can only imagine it feels like now this other grandchild has come along that they're just being pushed to one side and rejected and it's interesting that Sarah spoke up and said that you mean your first grandbaby not your first grandchild trying to give them a chance to correct themselves in that moment but they didn't take it

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_00] and Dart said similar saying not the arsehole sister-in-law Sarah is a rock star she totally tried to save that fumble your parents should have picked up on that and caught that pass and saved the situation instead they doubled down and argued the point that's extremely unfortunate and I'm sorry AZJHawk says not the arsehole that was a really shitty thing of your parents to think let alone say in front of your kids you're completely justified in your reaction if it were me I don't know if it is something

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_00] that could be fixed with a simple apology OP says the worst part of it for me is that they said it in front of them I'd still be upset knowing they thought it but the look on my youngest daughter's face when they heard my mother say that just broke my heart I tend to go mama bear whenever I think someone has stepped out of line with a kid so I was worried that maybe I was doing too much in my reaction my brother still feels like I should talk it out with them but I don't know that I could forgive it honestly Mcfly says your brother is more concerned about

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_00] his daughter's first Thanksgiving let's be real if he wasn't he would be telling you that it doesn't matter what they said he doesn't feel that way and agree with you and be fine with them being out of Thanksgiving that is what a sibling does in this situation they stand up for their sibling and their kids because they would never want their child feeling that way so it was a week after this that OP did come in with an update and said hi I thought I'd leave you all with an update here since it doesn't look as though things are going to change

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_00] anytime soon my wife and I talked with all three of the kids separately and asked them what they wanted to do for Thanksgiving if they wanted my parents there if they still wanted to see them my son and oldest daughter have made it very clear that they are mostly upset at my parents for hurting their younger sister's feelings and they felt that if my parents apologized to her and tried to make it up to her then they'd be okay with seeing them still my 10 year old took it the hardest of the three for her they're the only grandparents she's ever known

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_00] really crushed her my wife and I explained to her and to all the kids that none of this was her fault that she didn't cause it and that we're both equally her moms and she is equally our kid no matter what DNA says she told us that she didn't want to talk to my parents but that she wanted me to make sure they knew that she wasn't mad at them she was just hurt I called my dad and told them how hurt my kids were by what was said by him and my mom and that I would appreciate if they apologized to the kids for being inconsiderate of their presence

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_00] and their feelings my dad said that he and my mother never intended to hurt the kids feelings but they can't change the fact that those aren't their grandchildren and that the kids shouldn't be so upset at the truth I hung up on him I know I can't make him view my kids as their grandchildren but the fact that both of my parents are being so inconsiderate at the fact that they seriously upset my children just makes this whole thing even worse I text my brother and told him that I was sorry if he felt like he was being put

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_00] in the middle of something but as a parent my priority is my kids and I won't apologize for protecting them from what I think will hurt them further I guess Sarah talked to him or something because he apologized to me and said he'd like for his daughter to have Thanksgiving with her aunts and her cousins I did also thank Sarah separately for offering my parents an out and trying to salvage the situation she's a total sweetheart and I love her Thanksgiving is going to be hosted at my house just without my parents there

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_00] it's unfortunate but like I said my kids are my priority and I refuse to have them sit at a table with people who can't even take a minute to show them some empathy or basic kindness I didn't expect that post to take off the way it did so I wasn't able to respond to all of you because there were just so many affectionate age says to the OP I believe you did the best you could in this situation and I'm very happy your brother and sister-in-law

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_00] will still visit your Thanksgiving it is a family holiday after all and they prove more than enough they are treating all of your children as family as well honestly what bothers me the most about this whole situation is how based on your words your parents pretended to accept everyone to the family to then do something like that as soon as a DNA related baby appears I firmly believe that family is what you make and choose not necessarily what you were born into if it's not too much to ask can you update us in your parents

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_00] reaction after Thanksgiving I can imagine it will sting them well and honestly my petty heart is very happy about it another commenter says this seems to be a pretty common thing families accept adopted children as their own until someone has a bio child then the adopted children are discarded probably has something to do with centuries of religious propaganda glorifying individualism and the act of reproduction of a genuine community and love everyone's obsessed with preserving their bloodline as though

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_00] they're a part of a royal family lovely wifey says I'm a bonus mom I can't have kids of my own now even if I could and I tried for 10 years and have lost one baby my mom and dad would still see my bonus kids as their own grandchildren I take my kids out every summer just the four of them and spend a week at holiday world is not biologically ours either his mama is my sister by adoption and he gets treated just the same as my other sister's kiddos

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_00] eight male three female who are biological my parents bend over backwards to make sure every grand blessing that's what my parents call the grand babies is treated equally and with infinite amounts of love my mom my dad is two is a fierce supporter of equal grandkids rights biological or not sorry this is kind of long winded but I just feel like your parents need to be cut out until they understand that your children are their grandchildren and treat them the same as the new baby

[00:21:19] [SPEAKER_00] also Sarah is a saint and needs to be involved in your kids life forever and for me OP did absolutely the right thing in this situation because they're not going to change their minds they decided to double down but decided no they were going to double down on the matter which is just baffling to me regardless of their thoughts and I don't

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00] agree with the grandparents at all but they could have said I'm really sorry for hurting your feelings moved on and salvaged some kind of relationship with them I mean personally as the parent I still wouldn't be able to see them the same way but they could have salvaged some kind of relationship but decided no they're going to double down be stubborn pointlessly hurtful and lose access to three grandkids who loved them and guaranteeing you know awkward family dynamics forever

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_00] all because they couldn't say I'm sorry we hurt your feelings to a 10 year old bizarre ass behavior and it was shocking the amount of people down in the comments below that was relating to that post saying they had grandparents with these thoughts that they was the bio child and saw their siblings get rejected but didn't realize till years later it's really bizarre but what do you guys make of this situation let us

[00:22:48] [SPEAKER_00] know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories sharing your love to the ops of the stories towards each other to me as well is all really appreciated thank you so so much and hopefully I will see you in the next one take care and much love