Girlfriend Made A Speech About How Her Ex Was "The One" At His Funeral, I Was There r/Relationships

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[00:00:36] Hey 8Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well.

[00:00:38] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

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[00:00:46] that notification bell too.

[00:00:48] And let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:51] Much love guys.

[00:00:52] Now today's first story comes from visuallifeguard8937 from the amithearsallhere subreddit and says

[00:00:59] Am I the arsehole here for wanting to break up with my girlfriend after her ex's funeral?

[00:01:05] So my girlfriend and I have been together for about 4 years.

[00:01:09] She used to be close friends with her ex, however he tried to make a move on her while

[00:01:13] she and I were together so she cut off their friendship.

[00:01:17] They knew each other for about 10 years.

[00:01:20] They were high school sweethearts and stayed together throughout college.

[00:01:23] They broke up because he did not want kids.

[00:01:26] He died recently and my girlfriend was invited to the funeral.

[00:01:30] While I wasn't happy so to speak to see my girlfriend cry about this guy, I swallowed

[00:01:36] my emotions and offered my full support.

[00:01:39] She asked me to come with her.

[00:01:41] Here's where things get messy.

[00:01:43] She kept talking about how she wishes they never broke up in the first place and that

[00:01:47] she had never met someone who she loved as much as him.

[00:01:51] She made a speech about how she says that if things had been different, they'd be a

[00:01:54] happy family with children.

[00:01:56] I had to force myself not to say anything then.

[00:02:00] Now we're back home and she hasn't said anything about what she said.

[00:02:03] I'm so close to just leaving but I just don't know if she only said that out of grief.

[00:02:09] You know, whenever I talk about stories about losing someone I talk about grief.

[00:02:14] I always say, you know, grieve in your own way as long as it's healthy.

[00:02:18] We all deal with loss in different ways but this didn't feel like that.

[00:02:23] She's absolutely fine to be sad about losing him and talking about what a great guy he

[00:02:31] was.

[00:02:32] Yes, you may feel uncomfortable from that but that is acceptable.

[00:02:35] However, she talked about her potential future life, what could have been with her ex and

[00:02:41] not OP which is just like so disrespectful that she basically loved him more than you.

[00:02:47] How embarrassing would that have been?

[00:02:49] You were invited to this funeral so you had to sit there whilst I assume everyone knows

[00:02:53] that you're her boyfriend and she sort of gushed about him in front of everyone.

[00:02:58] Being told that you're basically second best, that you're living in this guy's shadow.

[00:03:04] But next stater says not the arsehole.

[00:03:06] People can say be understanding she's dealing with a heavy loss but that doesn't magically

[00:03:11] fix the sting of words she said that hurt you.

[00:03:13] If this was within 6 months of the breakup maybe I'd be more understanding.

[00:03:18] However, you've been together for 4 years.

[00:03:21] They ended due to his desire to not have children so not only is she hurting you, she's

[00:03:26] lying about a dead guy by telling everyone the fantasy life she had imagined for them

[00:03:30] as if it was wholly real.

[00:03:31] What the fuck?

[00:03:33] She's more than allowed to feel grief due to their decade long history however she's

[00:03:37] not allowed to treat you as less than, second or just good enough.

[00:03:41] You 100% deserve someone who puts you first always with very rare exceptions and this

[00:03:46] ain't one of them honey as I'm sure you've done for her.

[00:03:50] Hell, you went with her to the funeral of her ex because she asked.

[00:03:54] You were there for her and she showed you where you rank in the grand scheme of things.

[00:03:58] Leave for you.

[00:04:00] Choose to put yourself first because guess what?

[00:04:02] She showed you in a room full of people where you rank.

[00:04:05] You deserve more than this betrayal.

[00:04:08] Boomerquest says not the arsehole is completely unacceptable for her to say those things to

[00:04:13] you.

[00:04:14] She's full on telling you that you're the backup and she cares so little about you

[00:04:18] that she'd just tell you to your face with no remorse or consideration for your feelings.

[00:04:22] Insane.

[00:04:23] Opie responded to be clear she didn't say these things to me, she was talking to others.

[00:04:29] Exciting Tabletop replies to that saying that is worse.

[00:04:32] I guess she's hurting but she told everyone that you don't matter to her and we're

[00:04:37] just the backup.

[00:04:38] It's no longer your problem.

[00:04:40] Move on to someone that does love you for you.

[00:04:43] If she was drugged up from a surgery sure you might let it slide but she knew what she

[00:04:47] was saying.

[00:04:48] Talk it over with her but honestly expect to walk.

[00:04:53] Another user says it's one thing to think something because you are grieving, it's

[00:04:56] another to invite your boyfriend to a funeral then say that thing in front of him and everyone

[00:05:01] else.

[00:05:02] At minimum this is extraordinarily cruel of her and she should have known better even

[00:05:07] if she was grieving.

[00:05:08] How do you even come back from that?

[00:05:10] And a final comment from Beemiss70 says not the arsehole.

[00:05:15] While it's completely understandable she feels intense grief at her ex's passing,

[00:05:19] it's pretty sad that she just made your 4 year relationship less important to her than

[00:05:24] a what if fantasy of her ex that never happened.

[00:05:28] I'd say break up with her because she just publicly told you and everyone at the funeral

[00:05:32] that your relationship with her means little to her.

[00:05:35] If you stay you'll always be competing and losing to her dead ex.

[00:05:41] So OP comes in with her first update that says hello everyone, it's been a stressful

[00:05:45] couple of days and my post got a lot more attention than I expected.

[00:05:48] It was overwhelming to be honest.

[00:05:51] It's been a week since the funeral itself and I've been talking to some friends as

[00:05:55] well as reading comments on my last post.

[00:05:57] Truth be told I've been hesitant to talk about this to my girlfriend because she's

[00:06:02] still been depressed.

[00:06:03] She's not talking to me at all and I've been taking care of everything around our

[00:06:07] place.

[00:06:08] She's just been laying in our bed.

[00:06:10] I've tried to talk to her but she just shuts me out.

[00:06:13] I've been reflecting on our past relationship and realized a couple of things.

[00:06:18] My girlfriend was never as passionate with me as she was with her ex.

[00:06:21] She never did anything as romantic or thoughtful for me when compared to her ex.

[00:06:26] For example, she's never gone traveling for more than 3 days with me, but she traveled

[00:06:31] often with her ex, sometimes for years.

[00:06:33] It's not like I haven't offered.

[00:06:36] I was simply told to get over it and that each relationship is different and people

[00:06:40] said shit like, if she wanted to be with her ex, she would be.

[00:06:45] Something also to note is that some of you actually pointed my attention to another

[00:06:48] post, one that's about a girl going to her ex's funeral.

[00:06:52] I read the post and I didn't know if it's actually my girlfriend or not.

[00:06:56] Some details are different like our age, we're both 30.

[00:06:59] Also, I never said anything about breaking up with her for going to the funeral.

[00:07:04] I wasn't exactly happy to see her mourn the guy who wanted to sleep with her while

[00:07:08] she was with me, but I didn't actually say anything.

[00:07:12] Now that post admitted that she actually cheated.

[00:07:15] I thought about this for a second, but it doesn't matter because if she cheated or not, I already

[00:07:20] broke up with her.

[00:07:21] I did have a talk with her, she refused to at first, but not responding to me.

[00:07:25] But when I told her I was leaving, she finally said something to me.

[00:07:30] I basically told her that I feel like crap ever since she said those things at the funeral,

[00:07:34] how I feel she would rather be with her ex than me.

[00:07:36] That I felt like her second choice.

[00:07:39] She started to yell at me, calling me selfish and that she's lost one of the most important

[00:07:44] people in her life and I shouldn't make this about me.

[00:07:47] I was too tired to try and yell back, my things were already packed up.

[00:07:52] I'm staying with my parents for a while, our lease doesn't expire for a few months,

[00:07:55] so I don't know what she's planning to do.

[00:07:58] I don't know what to do now.

[00:07:59] I thought I was going to marry this girl someday and have kids, but she wanted someone else

[00:08:03] all this time.

[00:08:04] I appreciate all the comments and I don't know if I'm going to post another update,

[00:08:09] but thank you.

[00:08:10] So before we move on to the next update, a couple of comments.

[00:08:13] Ricky Descardo says, and quotes about the section calling me selfish and says, here's

[00:08:18] the thing.

[00:08:19] She didn't lose one of the most important people in her life.

[00:08:21] She made it clear that she lost the most important person in her life.

[00:08:25] And quotes about how she kept talking about how they never broke up in the first place

[00:08:28] and says, I don't know what other conclusion to read from this.

[00:08:31] I could certainly see feeling sad or down when an ex that you've known for a significant

[00:08:36] part of your life passes away, but that's not only what occurred.

[00:08:40] She wishes they never broke up.

[00:08:42] She never met someone who loved her as much as he did.

[00:08:45] And if things had been different, they would still be together.

[00:08:49] In each of those thoughts, you are at best second place.

[00:08:52] Never include you.

[00:08:54] She is with you because they broke up.

[00:08:56] She doesn't think you can ever love her as much as he did.

[00:08:59] And if things were different with him, she would not be with you.

[00:09:03] Is she mourning him and the significance he had in her life?

[00:09:05] Or is she mourning someone she still loved and mourning the loss of the opportunity

[00:09:09] to still be with him?

[00:09:10] You're not selfish and you do not want to be with someone where you will always be a

[00:09:15] placeholder.

[00:09:16] So a couple of months later, Opie comes in again and says, I got a lot of support from

[00:09:21] the subreddit last time and I appreciate it.

[00:09:23] So I figure I should update you all.

[00:09:25] It's the day before Valentine's and I'd actually planned something for my girlfriend

[00:09:29] before this whole mess started.

[00:09:31] I can't help but to think of her.

[00:09:33] Our shared friend group didn't side against me, but they've been supportive.

[00:09:38] Both of us it seems.

[00:09:39] I've explained to them why we broke up and they're all pretty understanding.

[00:09:43] My friend and his girlfriend are friends to both of us and I've asked them about my ex.

[00:09:48] Apparently she hasn't been doing good.

[00:09:50] She's back to work.

[00:09:52] She took like two weeks off work, but besides that she hasn't been out of the apartment.

[00:09:56] She hasn't tried to reach me and I haven't tried to reach her.

[00:10:00] Our lease expires next month so I don't know what she's planning to do.

[00:10:04] She could afford the rent on her own, but she'd be scraping by.

[00:10:08] I've been tempted to reach out.

[00:10:09] I hated breaking up, but I hate even more how we broke up.

[00:10:13] It feels like I left her behind when she needs me the most.

[00:10:18] If she reacted like this to anyone else, I'd be there for her.

[00:10:21] No questions asked.

[00:10:22] But I know better.

[00:10:24] I know I'd be resentful because she still wants her ex over me.

[00:10:29] I wanted to thank everyone for the support last time and I guess this is just me venting.

[00:10:34] A lot of people telling OP that they did the right thing and should just continue doing

[00:10:38] what they're doing, but six weeks later OP updates saying she finally reached out.

[00:10:43] I came back from work to my folks place and she was there.

[00:10:46] My mom let her wait for me.

[00:10:48] While I'm upset with my mom for letting her in and not giving me a heads up, that's

[00:10:52] another issue.

[00:10:53] When I came back, my mom went to the store to give us some privacy.

[00:10:56] I was a mess inside but I held it in.

[00:10:59] She asked how I was and what I've been up to and we talked as if we were just catching

[00:11:03] up.

[00:11:04] I finally asked what exactly she wanted.

[00:11:07] She said she's sorry for what she did and regrets how things ended between us.

[00:11:12] She went on to say that she did genuinely love me and she did want to start a family but

[00:11:16] the sudden death of a wreck simply hit her too hard.

[00:11:19] She says she's sorry for what she said and that she didn't mean them.

[00:11:23] I didn't say anything and was just trying to process what was going on.

[00:11:26] She didn't actually ask me to get back together.

[00:11:29] I told her that no matter what she said now, I can't forget what she said at the funeral

[00:11:33] and how she acted afterwards.

[00:11:35] She said she understood and just wanted to talk to me.

[00:11:38] I told her that I don't think we can be friends and that I don't hate her but I just don't

[00:11:43] want to be near her.

[00:11:44] She left and I was left a wreck.

[00:11:47] She seems to be okay.

[00:11:48] She looked healthier than the last time I saw her.

[00:11:51] I'm actually moving out from my folks place and I'm not going to tell her.

[00:11:54] I'm going to make sure my parents don't say anything.

[00:11:56] I hope that was the last time I see her, at least for a long while.

[00:12:01] Oh, and one quick thing I wanted to mention.

[00:12:04] My name is off the lease at our old place.

[00:12:06] The landlady was very understanding.

[00:12:07] I figured I should mention that because a lot of you told me about that.

[00:12:39] I'm not going to tell her.

[00:13:01] Big buys on the back of that one.

[00:13:03] Your ex-girlfriend is still lying to herself.

[00:13:05] In her mind, she didn't do anything that wrong.

[00:13:07] She's already moving on.

[00:13:09] She came back to tell you she decided it was one of those wacky things.

[00:13:13] That's all you ever get for closure with people like her.

[00:13:16] It's best to delete all pictures of her, give away everything she ever gave you.

[00:13:20] Don't ever use her name.

[00:13:21] Just refer to her as my ex.

[00:13:23] She lied to you because she was lying to herself.

[00:13:25] She always held out a little hope that he'd grow up and get his shit together.

[00:13:30] When he did, they could finally be together.

[00:13:33] When he died, that hope ended.

[00:13:34] That's why she's just walking away now.

[00:13:37] You were always her.

[00:13:38] Missed her right now.

[00:13:41] And I'm not sure I felt exactly the same way as that comment afterwards.

[00:13:43] I just kind of felt like this is the best possible thing in this situation,

[00:13:48] that they both just move on their separate ways.

[00:13:50] I don't think Opie was ever going to come back and, you know,

[00:13:53] be able to have a relationship with her knowing where his position would be.

[00:13:58] She came back, apologized, explained how she was feeling in that particular moment.

[00:14:03] And look, Opie doesn't have to forgive it.

[00:14:05] They haven't.

[00:14:06] They didn't even have to listen if they didn't want to.

[00:14:09] Opie said that, I don't think we can be friends and that he doesn't hate her.

[00:14:13] And that's that.

[00:14:14] They're just going their separate ways now, which like I said, I think is the best,

[00:14:18] potentially one of the best outcomes in this particular situation.

[00:14:22] But what do you guys make of this one?

[00:14:25] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:14:28] Let's move on to another story.

[00:14:31] Our next story comes from EfficientWedding80 from the Am I the Asshole subreddit

[00:14:36] that says, Am I the asshole for not telling my dad I got rejected by college

[00:14:40] on the day the result came out?

[00:14:43] I, 16 male, am a senior in high school and applying to colleges.

[00:14:48] I applied to eight colleges and got three rejections,

[00:14:51] two of which I thought I'd get in.

[00:14:53] The other five are much harder.

[00:14:55] And I already know it's pretty much certain I'll be rejected from two of them.

[00:14:59] My dad, my mom passed away, so he raised me.

[00:15:03] Is really disappointed with my results.

[00:15:06] He's so disappointed that he went to school to talk to my counselor

[00:15:09] and called me lazy in front of him.

[00:15:12] And my friends are getting into good colleges, which makes my dad

[00:15:15] even more mad at me.

[00:15:17] I thought my stats were enough to get into college.

[00:15:20] Ranked third in class.

[00:15:21] 1580 SAT, took four AP exams and got fives and all.

[00:15:28] Captain of the sports team I play for founded a volunteer project

[00:15:31] that raised 30K and other stuff.

[00:15:34] As I know, my dad is really mad at me.

[00:15:37] This week, the result of another college I thought I'd get into came out

[00:15:40] and I got rejected.

[00:15:42] I didn't tell my dad right away because I didn't have the courage.

[00:15:46] I didn't want to see him even sadder with me.

[00:15:50] I waited for the best time to tell him, but when I did,

[00:15:53] he didn't find out from someone else.

[00:15:55] He wasn't too happy that I took so long to tell him.

[00:15:58] Also this week, my best friend, since I was eight,

[00:16:01] got a likely letter from Harvard, meaning he'll probably get in.

[00:16:05] They're both only children.

[00:16:07] He's like a brother to me and I can't imagine my life without our friendship.

[00:16:11] I was so happy and we're supposed to spend today together to celebrate.

[00:16:15] But my dad banned me from leaving the house and using the car.

[00:16:18] He said it's because of my behavior of not trusting him

[00:16:21] by not immediately telling him about the application result

[00:16:24] and for me to reflect on what I did throughout all the years in school

[00:16:28] and getting these results.

[00:16:30] So on the happiest day of my best friend's life, who grew up with me,

[00:16:34] who's like a brother whose parents always took care of me as if I were their son.

[00:16:38] My dad is prohibiting me from being with him.

[00:16:42] Was I such an asshole for not telling him immediately?

[00:16:45] I think my dad overreacted.

[00:16:47] Edit. Dad is a high achiever.

[00:16:50] As a PhD from a top school and is very smart.

[00:16:53] My mom died when I was three years old, so my dad raised me alone.

[00:16:57] I always find stories like this just incredibly sad.

[00:17:00] 16 years old, man, when I was 60 and I didn't know what I was doing.

[00:17:05] So you sound like an absolutely amazing person that's achieving

[00:17:09] amazing things at your age.

[00:17:11] I can't even comprehend what you were achieving.

[00:17:14] I didn't understand a lot of those results.

[00:17:16] But you sound like an amazing son that anyone should be proud of.

[00:17:20] I'm telling you now he should be turning around to you

[00:17:23] no matter what happens with your college and saying,

[00:17:26] I am incredibly proud of you, regardless of where you go.

[00:17:30] And he should be reflecting on, in my opinion, on his behavior.

[00:17:35] He's the one that's caused this distrust

[00:17:38] to the point where you are too nervous to tell him about that.

[00:17:41] That is just heartbreaking.

[00:17:43] I couldn't imagine, you know, a hypothetical child not wanting to come up to you

[00:17:46] and share these details with you because they're too nervous to tell you

[00:17:49] because you're going to put them down, shout at them because of these results.

[00:17:54] And I just find that heartbreaking for you.

[00:17:56] But Tofu Bourne says not the arsehole.

[00:17:58] You're not an application machine.

[00:18:00] You're a human with impressive stats who hit a bump on the college road.

[00:18:05] Not blasting bad news the second it arrives doesn't make you the bad guy,

[00:18:09] especially when dealing with rejection isn't as easy as pie.

[00:18:12] Dad's reaction? Overkill.

[00:18:15] Grounding you for not being a speed post messenger and missing out on BFF's big day.

[00:18:21] That's not a lesson.

[00:18:22] That's a punishment looking for a crime.

[00:18:24] Time for dad to switch from disappointment express to support central.

[00:18:29] Remember, even superheroes need a moment to regroup after a setback.

[00:18:34] Opie says what pisses me off the most is not being able to hang out with my best friend.

[00:18:39] He said he was going to bring his folks over to talk to my dad,

[00:18:42] but I think that's just going to make things worse.

[00:18:44] My dad's doing it on purpose because he knows nothing would piss me off

[00:18:48] more than missing out on this day with my friend.

[00:18:51] So I felt dizzy, says I feel like your dad should go to his room

[00:18:54] and reflect on how he arrived at this point, where his exceptional son

[00:18:57] who achieved 99th percentile scores cannot trust him

[00:19:01] not to overreact to less than perfect news.

[00:19:04] Full disclosure, though, the way he's talking to reminds me of

[00:19:07] how I was treated by some teachers having ADHD.

[00:19:11] I feel really cross about what he has done.

[00:19:13] And little panda says, yeah, I mean, short of something like bad media attention.

[00:19:18] Opie's stats were all good.

[00:19:20] Opie is kind of proving he's right about his dad's reaction.

[00:19:23] Does the dad not realize that Harvard denies plenty of valedictorians

[00:19:27] and people with perfect SAT scores every year?

[00:19:30] College isn't just to just be valedictorian, get perfect SAT scores

[00:19:34] and get instant college acceptance, especially now.

[00:19:38] I went to a decent state school, and I'm pretty sure I'd have been rejected

[00:19:42] if I applied a few years ago instead of decades ago.

[00:19:45] But Opie comes in with our update and says, first of all,

[00:19:48] I wanted to thank you all for the support I received from you.

[00:19:51] You guys were really cool and made me feel calmer at the time when I was very sad.

[00:19:55] Yesterday, my dad came into my room for the first time in my life

[00:19:59] and he apologized to me.

[00:20:01] He said he loves me very much, regardless of any outcome,

[00:20:04] and that his behavior in recent times has not been right.

[00:20:07] He hugged me and said it was the most important thing in the world to him.

[00:20:12] I think my dad did this also because today the MIT results were coming out,

[00:20:16] which is one of the colleges I applied to as a reach.

[00:20:19] And I got in. Damn it, I got into MIT.

[00:20:22] I got into MIT.

[00:20:25] I opened the results and it was just me and my dad here in front of the laptop.

[00:20:29] It was the most exciting feeling of my life.

[00:20:32] We hugged and cried.

[00:20:34] I'm going to study at MIT.

[00:20:37] A couple of comments after that inappropriate access.

[00:20:39] Woo, congrats and good for your dad.

[00:20:42] It can be hard for a parent to apologize to their kid,

[00:20:44] and it's wonderful that he was able to enjoy MIT.

[00:20:49] The Sky Elf says, I don't think a lot of parents realize

[00:20:51] how important those honest apologies are.

[00:20:54] I'm glad OP's father could.

[00:20:56] Savan says, I remember clearly my dad sitting down when I was maybe 10

[00:21:00] and apologizing for smacking me when I was younger.

[00:21:03] And he got it completely wrong.

[00:21:05] That was 35 years ago.

[00:21:07] And he's been gone for six years.

[00:21:08] And that conversation is still intensely important to me.

[00:21:12] And I agree that, you know, apologies is definitely a step in the right direction.

[00:21:18] Part of me was thinking, though, what if opening that letter was a negative result?

[00:21:22] I'm not trying to put a downer on things at all.

[00:21:24] But what if it was a negative result?

[00:21:25] How would the dad have acted then?

[00:21:27] You know, he's happy now because OP is going to MIT.

[00:21:31] But I hope that it was really a turning point

[00:21:35] that does truly reflect on the way that he's treated his son.

[00:21:39] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:21:42] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:45] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:49] And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved

[00:21:52] in today's story, your love, your support, your time always means

[00:21:55] the absolute world to me.

[00:21:56] So thank you so, so much.

[00:21:58] And hopefully I will see you in the next one.

[00:22:01] Take care and much love.