Friend Invited Me To A Potluck Then Discovered It's Been Running Months Without Me r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:22] Now today's first story comes from DangerousContact737 from the Am I Overreacting subreddit and says, Am I overreacting? A friend of mine invited me to join a cooking slash potluck group. Turns out it has existed for months and consists of all of our friends except me. This sounds incredibly high school, but we are all at least 40 and I've known some of these people for almost 30 years. Today my friend randomly texts me.

[00:00:49] What do you think about ethnic cuisine? I said I hadn't had it very many times, but liked it when I did. He mentioned that he had a group that got together and made recipes to bring and share. They met fairly frequently and would I be interested? They were even meeting today if I wanted to join them, but I wouldn't be expected to cook anything. I was busy today, but I said I'd be interested for the future. So he invites me to their Facebook group. Turns out it is every single one of our mutual friends.

[00:01:19] Friends. It's been around since January and they've gotten together at least once a month. I am absolutely furious, but am I overreacting? My problem with this is, is that we all know each other and I am just as much of a foodie and hobby cook as the rest of them. They all know this because I've invited them to my house for food, made them food, brought them food, participated in potlucks, etc. But they all form this group without inviting me. More than that, we actually have a whole ass of the

[00:01:49] Facebook group to which I am invited, which is for suggesting restaurants and other get togethers for the purpose of enjoying food. Instead, I find out, while I've been just so understanding about how busy everyone is and how I've deferred to their schedules and try to not take it personally when people can't hang out, they've all been hanging out with each other regularly. Is my anger justified or am I out of line?

[00:02:12] And the update came within the same post. So I'm just going to read one comment from this one, which OP responds to.

[00:02:19] Blippi Swipey says,

[00:03:00] OP says,

[00:03:49] And it just left me thinking, if OP's so adamant that something hasn't happened, then what could it be? Why are they neglecting them? Why the sudden invite as well?

[00:04:01] But I think OP's absolutely right in the way that they're feeling. Imagine it was you in that situation and you brought you as friends with this big group for a long time and then suddenly you're invited to this group and you find out they've already been in it for months and having get togethers without you.

[00:04:17] They must have known from their side how awkward that's going to look when you're invited in the group and you can potentially read the chat history.

[00:04:23] Not sure if you can or not. Not sure why I get really invested in these potluck stories. I'm really jealous of like this potluck stuff that goes on.

[00:04:34] I know some people do do that kind of thing in the UK, but it always it always makes it sound like it happens a lot more in the US.

[00:04:42] OP updated the post and says,

[00:05:15] I thought that was a reasonable explanation and I'm definitely less mad. As many people pointed out, he did invite me. He also invited me to the group chat. There was a chat too.

[00:05:27] I found out that both he and 500 Favors friend had been organizing these events all summer and she's hosted two of them.

[00:05:34] The last time I saw this woman was in July. What month is it? Almost October?

[00:05:39] Where she proudly showed off her new patio furniture and I jokingly said I really look forward to her next grill party, which happened to be the following weekend.

[00:05:48] Not that I was fucking invited.

[00:05:51] I did read the chat and there was certainly no kind of let's make sure OP doesn't find out involved at any point.

[00:05:57] But I still feel pretty upset that I've been trying to make time for someone I thought was one of my closest friends.

[00:06:03] And not only has she been making time for me, she made a conscious choice not to.

[00:06:09] The upshot friend who invited me was kind enough to explain his reasoning and in my mind it makes perfect sense.

[00:06:16] 500 Favors friend who I certainly had no reason whatsoever to think she's blowing me off all fucking summer until I found this out.

[00:06:24] Downgraded to acquaintance.

[00:06:26] Super Selection says on the back of this one,

[00:06:28] Personally, I'll drop them all and find new friends.

[00:06:31] Probably I'll be overreacting too, but trust would be broken.

[00:06:35] They have lied to you multiple times.

[00:06:37] Are they really friends?

[00:06:38] Sounds like users to me.

[00:06:40] OP replies saying I didn't mention this in my original post,

[00:06:43] but while this conversation was happening with a friend who invited me,

[00:06:47] I was also texting the friend of 500 Favors because I wanted to see if I could treat her to a birthday meal,

[00:06:52] since her birthday is coming up.

[00:06:54] Her answer was,

[00:06:55] I'm pretty busy this weekend, but I'll let you know.

[00:06:57] She didn't know I'd just been invited to the event for which she was too busy.

[00:07:02] There has definitely been lying,

[00:07:04] although I really can't say how often I've been brushed off because this group was getting together.

[00:07:09] A commenter says to OP,

[00:07:11] OP,

[00:07:11] are you overly judgy about the other people's food, restaurant or otherwise?

[00:07:15] Are you so skilled that they may have been intimidated to bring you in?

[00:07:19] Sounds like you need to calm your tits and have a casual convo.

[00:07:22] Like, this is awesome.

[00:07:24] Why are you just not inviting me?

[00:07:26] But in a genuinely friendly and not passive aggressive way.

[00:07:29] OP responded said,

[00:07:56] But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:07:59] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:08:02] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:08:04] Let's move on to another story,

[00:08:07] which is titled,

[00:08:09] Am I the arsehole for giving my gluten-free mother gluten without telling her?

[00:08:15] So, my mother and I don't have a great relationship.

[00:08:19] Throughout my life, she has pushed all kinds of fad diets,

[00:08:22] self-help flavored fads,

[00:08:24] and even conversion therapy via the troubled teen industry on me.

[00:08:28] She's never apologized for any of it,

[00:08:30] despite me telling her how much it all messed me up.

[00:08:33] I still haven't mustered the guts up to go no contact

[00:08:35] because she's still married to my dad,

[00:08:38] who I do get along with and generally like.

[00:08:41] Well, I recently moved to a new place in a really nice area

[00:08:45] because I just got a really nice new job.

[00:08:48] Suddenly, my mom really wants to come and visit and see me.

[00:08:51] I do my best to make up excuses,

[00:08:53] but she pushes so hard that I eventually cave.

[00:08:56] One of the things I've been doing since moving into my new place

[00:08:59] is a lot of cooking because I have a nice big kitchen all to myself.

[00:09:03] I love weird food and finding new ways to get protein into my diet without using meat.

[00:09:09] Something I've had a lot of fun making lately is,

[00:09:12] and I've googled this so I do apologize if it's wrong,

[00:09:14] La Chao.

[00:09:15] It's probably not weird to some people,

[00:09:17] but to my sheltered American self,

[00:09:19] it was funky as hell and I loved the idea of it.

[00:09:22] So I started making it from scratch and discovered that I love it.

[00:09:26] Well, my mom and dad got here yesterday afternoon evening and

[00:09:29] settled in and we start talking about dinner.

[00:09:32] As usual, mom has to pick after looking at online menus for a couple of hours

[00:09:36] to make sure they fit with their dietary requirements.

[00:09:39] She ends up picking a vegan restaurant that's across town,

[00:09:42] but she's just so tired from the drive up,

[00:09:44] she can't fathom getting back in her car.

[00:09:46] So dad and I agreed to go pick it up while she rests.

[00:09:50] Driving across my new city is a long process,

[00:09:53] which I told her ahead of time,

[00:09:55] and it's a little over an hour later when we get home with the vegan and gluten-free food she wanted.

[00:10:00] She's not vegan, but she is adamantly gluten-free and has been for a few years now.

[00:10:05] We get inside and I'm opening the food in the kitchen.

[00:10:08] I notice the Pyrex snapware container of La Chao was in my fridge is now empty in my sink.

[00:10:14] She even dumped out the sauce that I've been soaking them in.

[00:10:17] I asked her if she had eaten something out of my fridge while we were gone,

[00:10:21] and she said that yes,

[00:10:22] she had eaten some chicken because she was getting lightheaded from hunger.

[00:10:25] But it was terrible and she was so ready for some real food.

[00:10:29] Now this is where I might have been the arsehole.

[00:10:32] Instead of telling her what she had actually eaten,

[00:10:34] I just rolled my eyes and dished up the food for everyone and we ate.

[00:10:38] She continued to remark about how bad and oily the chicken was

[00:10:42] and how relieved she was to finally eat something substantial throughout the rest of the evening.

[00:10:47] My dad kept trying to change the subject and she kept coming back to it.

[00:10:51] I finally snapped when she brought it up again,

[00:10:53] first thing this morning when I was picking them up from that hotel.

[00:10:57] I asked them where they wanted to go for breakfast

[00:10:59] and my mum made a joke about not wanting me to cook them breakfast

[00:11:02] because she didn't want any more oily chicken or something to that effect.

[00:11:06] I finally said,

[00:11:07] Mum, that was homemade le chow and I don't understand why you ate all of it if you hated it so much.

[00:11:13] She asked me what le chow is and I explained that it's just vital wheat gluten

[00:11:17] and water steamed and soaked in sauce.

[00:11:20] I practically watched as her face dropped

[00:11:22] and sure enough within 30 minutes her stomach was killing her

[00:11:25] and she was having difficulty breathing and needed to go to the emergency room.

[00:11:30] The whole time we were there she went on and on to the nurses and doctors

[00:11:33] about how I'd fed her gluten and not told her until it was too late for her to take her medicine

[00:11:38] and crime because now the whole trip was ruined.

[00:11:41] Mind you, this is the hospital where I work.

[00:11:45] My dad pulled me aside to tell me he was disappointed that I hadn't spoken up last night

[00:11:49] and how what I'd done not only hurt my mother's feelings

[00:11:52] but also put her health and safety at risk.

[00:11:55] He asked me to go home and think about my actions and give my mother some space.

[00:11:59] And now I'm sitting here alone in my cool new place feeling like a dick

[00:12:03] and super anxious about what work is going to be like next week.

[00:12:07] I'm torn because I don't think it's my fault that she ate my food without talking to me first

[00:12:11] but I'd be lying if I said I didn't admit the information about what she had eaten

[00:12:15] because I was pissed at her and just didn't want to discuss it further.

[00:12:19] I also didn't expect it to make her so sick.

[00:12:22] So am I the arse of.

[00:12:25] Now my thoughts are along the same lines as the top comment here.

[00:12:28] Nene Nitt said I bet it didn't make her sick.

[00:12:31] Getting sick right after she learned what it was is suspicious as fuck.

[00:12:35] And surely if you got like food allergies that's bad enough that could send you to the hospital

[00:12:40] you don't randomly go into someone's fridge and take their food which they've been cooking

[00:12:44] and you don't even know what the fuck it is.

[00:12:46] Lapsteel Guitar says your mum took food out of your fridge and ate it

[00:12:50] without checking first to see what it was.

[00:12:52] This is not on you.

[00:12:53] As for not telling your mum last night and her physical reaction this morning

[00:12:57] this is a mental issue not a physical issue.

[00:13:00] She didn't get sick until she found out what she ate.

[00:13:02] She's fine.

[00:13:03] I bet she never eats anything from your fridge again.

[00:13:06] Not the arsehole.

[00:13:09] Saltwright says my nephew has celiac disease and as a four or five year old kid

[00:13:14] the parents would specifically ask regarding food being prepared safely for him.

[00:13:19] My brother-in-law let him know that they would know before the end of the meal

[00:13:22] if the restaurant provided a safe gluten-free meal.

[00:13:25] Lady complaining of medical concerns after finding out the next day.

[00:13:29] Come on.

[00:13:32] Affectionate West says I have food allergies and intolerances.

[00:13:35] Anyone who actually has legitimate issues that could lead to health issues

[00:13:39] knows you never eat anything without asking what's in it.

[00:13:42] My friends know about the foods I avoid and they always accommodate when cooking for me

[00:13:46] and I still double check just to be sure.

[00:13:48] I would certainly never just eat something unknown from someone's fridge without being

[00:13:53] sure it's safe and also asking if it's okay if I eat it.

[00:13:57] Like what?

[00:13:58] Not the arsehole.

[00:14:00] And a final comment from Dawn Shikaru says not the arsehole.

[00:14:03] One, you didn't give her this food.

[00:14:05] She took it herself.

[00:14:06] You never promised her that your home would be gluten-free.

[00:14:09] Two, the food didn't make her sick.

[00:14:11] She was fine for at least 12 hours till you told her she had eaten gluten

[00:14:14] and then she made a big drama about how you poisoned her with gluten.

[00:14:18] Gluten intolerance typically kicks in within minutes of eating gluten.

[00:14:23] All of that is her fault.

[00:14:25] Not only did she put on dramatic act of being poisoned by you,

[00:14:28] she did it at your workplace and may have caused you problems there.

[00:14:32] That was a really bitchy action.

[00:14:34] I'm sorry but it's time to go new contact.

[00:14:37] Give your mother space for the rest of her life.

[00:14:39] Leave your father alone for now.

[00:14:41] If he contacts you, tell him you'll be glad to talk to him or meet him but not your mother.

[00:14:46] If she contacts you, tell her goodbye and block her.

[00:14:49] Enough is enough.

[00:14:51] And I was thinking as I was reading it what the relationship is like outside of this one situation.

[00:14:57] Obviously I don't fully know but we got hints of it when she wouldn't let up about the food

[00:15:03] and how oily and horrible the food is to her as well.

[00:15:06] You know, dad was trying to intervene and trying to change the subject in some way

[00:15:10] but she wasn't having it.

[00:15:11] She wanted to continue to pick an OP.

[00:15:13] You know, she was in the fridge.

[00:15:15] I bet she was going all through your apartment as well.

[00:15:17] Obviously I don't know that but I'm just sort of getting the picture of what kind of character she is.

[00:15:23] And it's like I ask in a lot of these stories.

[00:15:25] What does mum bring to the table?

[00:15:27] I know she's your mum.

[00:15:28] I know it's not as easy as, you know, some people.

[00:15:31] Some people may find it easy but not for everyone.

[00:15:33] It's difficult to like make that cut, to put down your boundaries with these people

[00:15:38] because everything's been normalized.

[00:15:39] She's been grown up, etc, etc.

[00:15:41] But what do they bring to you?

[00:15:46] OP comes in with her update and says just got home.

[00:15:48] So after everything went down this morning,

[00:15:51] I went back to the hospital to check on my parents.

[00:15:53] My mum was sleeping and still in the emergency department

[00:15:56] and so I got to talk to my dad and the doctor a bit.

[00:15:59] My dad still thought I should apologize.

[00:16:02] I told him I would when she woke up.

[00:16:04] When I talked to the doctor a bit, I started asking about testing.

[00:16:08] I asked if they'd done a test for the specific kind of immunoglobulin present in celiacs when someone has gluten

[00:16:14] and she said she actually hadn't needed to because apparently my mum had the test done in the past with a PCP.

[00:16:21] The doctor asked me if I worked in the medical field and I told her that yes, I worked in the lab.

[00:16:26] She then volunteered a bit more information than she probably should have

[00:16:29] but I'm glad she did because I feel a bit better.

[00:16:31] She has managed to get my mum's lab results faxed over and looked them over.

[00:16:36] Apparently my mum's TTG-IGA was low enough that it was absolutely clear that my mother does not have celiac disease.

[00:16:43] The doctor had offered to refer her for a biopsy, which is standard procedure for confirmation of celiac.

[00:16:49] And my mother declined.

[00:16:52] I later confirmed with my dad that it was because she didn't think it was worth it to go through all the expense and pain of surgery

[00:16:58] to confirm something she already knows.

[00:17:01] Furthermore, according to the nurse,

[00:17:03] my mother was given lorazepam, which she told me was for her stomach pain and nausea.

[00:17:08] He actually put this in air quotes with his fingers.

[00:17:11] In case you are not familiar with lorazepam,

[00:17:14] it's a benzo that is used as an anti-psychotic slash anti-anxiety sedative along with gastro symptoms.

[00:17:20] Apparently the medicine my mum was talking about was some kind of holistic slash herbal thing.

[00:17:25] Cherry on top is that the nurse is Chinese and loves the chow and I now have a new work friend.

[00:17:32] I thanked them for all their help and they indicated that she was ready to be discharged.

[00:17:35] My dad was not inclined to wake her up, but I explained that there would be other people waiting that need to be seen

[00:17:41] and they couldn't be seen if there were no open beds.

[00:17:44] I then asked the doctor if she could write my mum up a script for more lorazepam,

[00:17:48] which she agreed to, which seemed to placate my dad.

[00:17:52] I wheeled my mum out to my car.

[00:17:54] She was high as hell and going on and on about how she couldn't believe that I'd poisoned her

[00:17:59] and if I wasn't her daughter, I'd be going to prison.

[00:18:02] I just apologized, didn't offer any excuses.

[00:18:05] When I got them to their hotel and my mum was waiting on the couch in the lobby

[00:18:08] while my dad grabbed her bag from my car.

[00:18:11] I told my dad it was probably better if they'd just go home.

[00:18:14] I'm not going to lie, I got a little emotional.

[00:18:16] He agreed.

[00:18:18] So yeah, based on the lab work and the way the emergency department staff were acting,

[00:18:23] I'm convinced my mum was faking for sympathy and attention.

[00:18:26] Not that it matters because my dad will always support her no matter what.

[00:18:30] I'm never having them over again.

[00:18:34] Absolutely.

[00:18:34] And I think at one day you're going to be taking that further step of no contact as well

[00:18:38] with their act.

[00:18:38] And she told you, like, if you weren't family, you'd be going to prison.

[00:18:43] You don't need that kind of shit in your life.

[00:18:46] And your father is just as bad for backing this up.

[00:18:48] I almost chuckled to myself at the bit where it says your dad wasn't inclined to wake her up

[00:18:53] because, you know, she's still sleeping in the hospital even though she's been discharged.

[00:18:57] No, no, no.

[00:18:58] She's having a little nap.

[00:18:59] Leave her be.

[00:19:00] Get her ass out of there.

[00:19:02] Gee whiz.

[00:19:03] Anyway, what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:19:06] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:19:10] Now, just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:19:12] Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute

[00:19:16] world to me.

[00:19:17] So thank you so, so much.

[00:19:18] And hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one.

[00:19:21] Take care and much love.