Fiancee's Family Discovered The Engagement Ring Was Fake, They Say I Don't Value Her r/Relationships

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[00:00:48] Hello guys, welcome back to the channel. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:54] Now today's first story is from the Relationship Advice subreddit titled

[00:00:58] My male 28 engagement with my partner female 27 is ruined because of a ring. My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We both love each other since the very beginning.

[00:01:11] She has brought up the topic of marriage for a while and so I decided to propose to her last month in Korea where she grew up.

[00:01:18] I custom made the gold ring with a ruby and 3 diamonds on each side, but asked my parents to make it with their regular jewelry shop they've been going to for a while. Out of town.

[00:01:30] I also organized a professional photographer and asked her to marry me in a traditional Korean village. She said yes and everything went very smoothly, except the ring was too big.

[00:01:42] She stayed a bit longer in Korea while I returned home for work. She went with her mom to a jewelry shop the following week and asked the ring to be made smaller.

[00:01:51] The issue started when the shop attendant said the whole ring was fake. The gold, ruby and the diamonds. I paid $1500 for the ring. Not a crazy amount but I thought it was a pretty ring.

[00:02:05] She went to 4 different shops and everyone said pretty much the same thing. One shop valued the ring at only $30-40.

[00:02:14] My partner and her mom were understanding at first, saying that we would not have known. When she came back from Korea, she told me that her parents were very upset about the ring and that my parents, because they made the ring, only valued her at $30.

[00:02:30] They refused to meet my parents which was initially organized for the end of the year. Her mom said to her that it would be better if I admitted about the fake ring, with a view of buying a proper one in the future.

[00:02:43] These implied that we gave her a fake ring on purpose. My parents were very upset and told me they won't bless our marriage. Question, is the ring really the problem here? I'm not sure how to move forward now. I never knew a ring can potentially break our 3 year long relationship.

[00:03:02] Edit. None of us knew it was fake a few days ago. I tested it with an x-ray at a pawn shop. The gold is real. Not sure about the ruby and diamonds. If anyone is curious how the ring looks like, then share a picture.

[00:03:18] I have apologized multiple times and showed them the receipt. We are both Asians, families play a big role in our marriage.

[00:03:26] There was always some relevant comments. Pixotron says, Exactly what I was thinking. Your parents have snuck away with the money and given you a cheap ring and now they're trying to distract you from their wrongdoing.

[00:03:37] Even if they didn't do it on purpose then the real culprit is the jeweler that your family use, your parents and you yourself should be trying to understand where the scam was done and making steps to resolve this issue with your fiance's family.

[00:03:50] Anyone will be upset about a fake ring and the insinuation of the meaning and value that has, especially more traditional or culturally significant families.

[00:03:59] You're getting upset over the wrong thing. Focus on understanding the scam, who the culprit was. Send receipts to your fiance of how much you spent if you need to let them know that your intention was real.

[00:04:12] I'm not sure how much rings are in Korea but 1.5k won't get a very nice ring, diamonds with clarity or fire. Your main gem is a ruby which should have helped you cut costs.

[00:04:24] Ultimately you fucked up because you didn't get this done properly and arranged it to be done by your parents. Take accountability and make steps for reparation or solving the issue with your fiance and her family.

[00:04:36] Which OP responds saying thanks. This is exactly what I'm looking for. I've sent them the receipt and checked the gold in the ring, which was real. Going to put the diamonds and ruby in the lab next week.

[00:04:48] I think the trust has been broken and it's now how I restore and build the trust again. Initially I asked them to make it because the shop is a small business and local to us. They offer flexibility and the fee is cheaper than the big brands.

[00:05:02] My partner and I are into fire. Financial independents retire early. So I try to get a good value for everything.

[00:05:11] Yeah, and I agree. I would want to know what the hell is going on with this. Let's call it a scam for now because we don't know exactly what's going on. Did the jeweler do this or was it your parents?

[00:05:23] Somewhere along the line, someone's trying to fuck you over. You can prove how much you paid for the ring because surely you have that receipt. Ultimately, we want to find out what's happened here.

[00:05:35] But uninspired username says your first option be to tear down the door of your parents' jeweler. If they really didn't know, then I'd go right to the jeweler. Your parents should have their jewelry checked too.

[00:05:46] Surprisingly, there was other people in the comments saying they had that ring.

[00:05:49] Bornary Suit says it's fake. I had the same one. The crest diamondettes were real and the gold was real, but the ruby was costume. I got $30 for the gold, kept the gemstone and diamonds to give to my daughter.

[00:06:02] Loveless Christine replies that saying, I also have the same ring. I think it was about 250 from K Jewelers about 15 years ago. Diamonds and ruby were real. It would not be 1500 for that ring.

[00:06:14] Negabu replies that saying, I sold jewelry in the 90s for many years. And that picture looks like a common birthstone cocktail ring that would have sold for around $250-$300 20 years ago. I can't imagine it cost him more than $500 now at a mall store.

[00:06:30] I'd be willing to bet the parents bought this at a chain store, or their jeweler had it as a trade-in and sold it to them super cheap. OP, you need to get an appraisal from a third party. Then you need to march your parents to the jewelers with all the paperwork. Once you get all the lies in the same room, you'll figure out the truth. Someone on the back of that one says they found the ring on Etsy!

[00:06:52] XlPager says very confused here. You didn't know the ring was fake. So your parents have been using a jeweler that's conned them into buying fake gems all this time, and you've made no gestures to apologize to your fiance and let her know this was a massive mistake. I completely understand why she feels insulted by your family and suspicious. It comes off as you were deliberately planning on passing off a fake ring for her engagement ring.

[00:07:17] OP comes in with her update and says an update to my previous post and then shares a link. When my fiance's parents are upset and accuse my parents of intentionally giving a fake engagement ring, tested it in the lab and it's a natural ruby from Burma. They can guarantee the result and can offer an insurance letter.

[00:07:36] They said there is a natural crack in the ruby and natural inclusion. Probably a jewelry expert can shed some light into what these mean. Unfortunately, because the ring is now genuine, my parents are more upset about the accusation. On the other hand, my fiance's parents don't really trust the result. This is a major trust issue. We decided to let things settle before we discuss our intention for staying together and get married.

[00:08:06] Question, any suggestion on how to approach this situation?

[00:08:11] Gee whiz, the twists, the turns but OP adds some additional information in the comments and says no apologies so far. As I wrote on my previous post, I apologized to them in the beginning, thinking it was a fake ring. I asked if she defended me in front of her parents when they were upset. It didn't sound like it. She paused for a good 15-20 seconds before saying she did her best to calm them down.

[00:08:34] I'm more inclined to break up now but can't get myself to pull the trigger. It has many good traits that I value but I do see what's happening now as a major issue. I seem to give in and follow what she wants most of the time. I went to Korea for the proposal because of a high expectation. She wanted a surprise proposal like what you see on social media. I spent three months trying to figure out what I had to do.

[00:08:58] To add to context, she didn't really want to join any of my family gatherings. For example, she didn't attend my sister's wedding because she wanted to have a holiday with her family. However, she did give her a very nice wedding gift. My family didn't really like her even before this happened. They didn't hate her in any way and there was no intention to make the ring fake. This test did real anyway.

[00:09:21] Someone says to Opi on the back of this end, thank you for the update. Well done, you did everything right. And now you know it's not about the ring. It probably never was. Her family will be impossible to please because they've just decided they don't like you. They will now look for another reason to hate you. So it comes down to just you and your fiancé as it always should have done.

[00:09:43] What does she think? Does she understand how you're the victim here? Does she understand how her parents are actively trying to sabotage your relationship with her? Is she prepared to be independent from them, to ignore their advice, to defy them, to take your side, to marry you? Is she on your side? I think allowing her a couple of weeks before having that discussion is a good idea if she's living with you. But a bad idea is she's living with her parents because her parents are pouring poison into her ears about you.

[00:10:13] Opi says thank you. She lives with me. I've been living together for two years. She said the result doesn't matter anymore, but I do believe it matters. It shows how a family resolves conflicts should it arises. Oh, I should clarify that the result doesn't matter anymore because she believes it's fake no matter what test we do. The jeweler stores in Korea said it was fake and she believes them. Those were her own words.

[00:10:39] And that would pretty much seal the deal for me in those last words there. That, you know, it just sounds like she doesn't trust Opi and without trust. What is the point? You can't start a marriage without no trust there, right? Part of me, and I don't think it would change my ultimate decision in the end, would want to go to multiple jewelry stores with her and saying, you know, can you appraise this? Can you tell me these jewels are fake? Whatever. Just so she can see that just before it's over basically.

[00:11:08] What would you do in this situation? Put yourself in Opi's shoes. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story.

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[00:12:14] Next story comes from the Am I The Arsehole subreddit. It does have an update from strongcandidate7468 and says, am I the arsehole for yelling at my mom over a bad birthday present?

[00:12:29] My female 17th birthday is today and I received one gift from my parents. An expensive jewelry set that came with matching earrings, necklace and bracelet. I'm a bit of a tomboy and don't wear any jewelry. No hate to girls that do but it just isn't my style.

[00:12:46] My mom knows this and despite knowing it she has given me variations of the same gift every year since I was 12. My sister, female 19, gets the same but she is a very girly girl and loves it. My brother male 16 usually gets gaming gear of about the same value which he loves.

[00:13:04] Every year I ask my mom throughout the year to get me something other than jewelry. I even give specific examples like a snowboard or a phone of the same value. Every year I open my gift and it is jewelry and I hate it. Never wear it and it just gets added to the pile of never worn jewelry in my cupboard.

[00:13:22] Lo and behold this morning I was once again given jewelry and this time I snapped. I yelled at my mom asking why she got this and why she keeps ignoring my requests. She said it was the same thing my sister got at my age and that I should be grateful I'm getting anything, let alone something so expensive. I argued back saying that I hate it. She should have known I would hate it and didn't understand why she refused to listen to me.

[00:13:47] I walked out and have gone to the beach to get away and calm down. My dad and sister have both texted saying I need to come home and apologize to my mom. Saying that she means well and just wants to get me some nice stuff for special occasions. My sister said that I'm being ungrateful and should get a job if I want other things so badly. My brother texts saying he is on my side and that he gets why I reacted the way I did. I'm probably going to be grounded over this regardless but I feel like my reaction was kind of fair. I don't know what to do with this.

[00:14:17] I don't know. Maybe I am just being a moody teenager. Am I the asshole? Absolutely not the asshole in this situation and you're not ungrateful about it and you're not an asshole for feeling the way that you feel.

[00:14:31] You've been five years of this and you've expressed it time and time again. That you don't want jewelry, that you would like something else like a snowboard, something that you could use for a hobby etc and your request has been ignored. People saying she was well-meaning. She isn't well-meaning. Like I said before, it's five years of this and ignoring your wishes.

[00:14:53] I couldn't imagine doing that to a child. Someone who, you know, I'd love to get them what they wanted out of life. Something that they would enjoy. That's the whole fucking point right?

[00:15:04] I remember a friend when I was young. Mark's off on one again. Basically she used to hang around with about five of us boys and she used to play like wrestling with us and all this kind of thing.

[00:15:16] I'm talking younger than teenagers but her parents used to gift her dolls like, you know, the typical baby dolls. And she used to hate the things but one of the things she used to love was like strap it to a skateboard and push it down this big hill at the local park.

[00:15:32] And this thing used to just get battered when it would roll and she used to like build ramps at the bottom of the hill so it would jump off and flip over and land on the doll. Her mum absolutely hated it but she didn't care.

[00:15:44] Ah, that brought back a funny memory of this doll sort of rag dolling on the skateboard.

[00:15:51] Nitro Peanut says honestly, as a parent of an 11 year old I agree with you. Not the asshole, your mother is not understanding what this does to a child when you don't just listen. For me this has nothing to do with a gift and everything to do with understanding your child.

[00:16:07] If you don't know your child, you ultimately are slowly pushing them away. I'm sorry your mother just doesn't hear you. Save the jewelry and eventually pawn it off and buy yourself a car.

[00:16:17] Environmental Art quotes a part of that last comment which said save the jewelry and eventually pawn it off to buy you a car and says please OP, do this instead of what petty childish me would do and chuck it all in a pile, help it get knotted together and then go dump it in a pile in mum's lap.

[00:16:32] As good as it would feel dumping the jewelry in her lap, it'd feel better to drive away from that selfish woman who calls herself your mother because no parent should care so little about their child that they can't give something that isn't a generic jewelry gift.

[00:16:45] The tween says getting someone a gift you know they'll hate is not meaning well. Mum has had five years to come around, mum knows OP will hate it but doesn't care enough to get her a gift she'd actually enjoy.

[00:16:58] Mum is getting herself a gift, the fantasy that her daughter will be girly in the way mum wants, not the asshole.

[00:17:07] Spear Mint Gum says you mean to tell me for five years, almost a third of your life, you've gotten jewelry from your mum and for five years you've asked your mum not to get you jewelry and she's ignored you. Not the asshole, your mum is a giant asshole. Your mum is getting you what she would have wanted at your age so tell her starting next year when you turn 18 you will just buy her what you want for her birthday gift and you can trade.

[00:17:33] Argeven says not the asshole given a good gift is about understanding the other person, not spending money.

[00:17:39] That should be grateful I'm getting anything let alone something so expensive.

[00:17:45] Argeven says as far as getting anything at all I guess but a bad gift can be worse than no gift at all and unless she intends for you to pawn it the market value of the gift has little bearing on anything.

[00:17:56] Speaking of pawning it might be time to put some weight behind your anger, if I were you I'd apologise for the outburst since while your emotions were justified your yelling suddenly made your otherwise reasonable point harder to internalise and ask for a receipt.

[00:18:11] Argeven says that's because you're not sure that you won't keep it so you're either returning it for something you'll actually use or pawning it and you can get the full retail value if you return.

[00:18:20] And there was many comments just saying you know keep the jewelry and then eventually sell it and get something that you really do want but Opie came in to update the post and says thanks for all the comments I really appreciate all the advice and I read every comment.

[00:18:34] First to the people just saying to ask for a receipt and return it I've asked before and I'm sure you can imagine what the reaction was to that.

[00:18:42] Yes I've been grounded for a week and I'm posting from my school computer because my phone has been confiscated.

[00:18:48] Second I'm aware that this is a first world problem and that not everyone gets gifts.

[00:18:53] What upset me is that that this sort of thing happens at Christmas too, from all of my extended family and I'm the only one treated this way.

[00:19:01] It's actually a really big problem that's also not a culture thing or tradition thing.

[00:19:06] Mum is just an upper middle class woman with a snobby attitude to anything that isn't traditionally feminine.

[00:19:12] Third there's an ongoing issue with my mum and family not respecting my choices.

[00:19:17] She hates pretty much everything about me that isn't the stereotypical girly girl.

[00:19:22] She also hates the LGBTQ so yes to the commenters saying it could be a fear related to that, you're likely right.

[00:19:29] I'm bi but I didn't think it was relevant to my previous post at the time.

[00:19:33] My choice.

[00:19:35] I decided to take everyone's advice and actually double down on it.

[00:19:39] I went home yesterday and did the biggest apology I could muster and even cried and convinced my mum that I loved it and that I was just surprised.

[00:19:46] Probably the only reason I'm not grounded for a month.

[00:19:49] I have one year left and you guys are right, I should play the long game.

[00:19:53] I would love to be petty but I think it'd be smarter to use her.

[00:19:57] Fuck everything I'm going to put on the biggest show of my life and turn into the daughter she wants.

[00:20:02] Sell everything she's given me once I turn 18 and use it to help me buy a car and go to a trade school.

[00:20:08] Which she is never going to approve of lol.

[00:20:12] Maybe I'll get lucky and she gets me something even more expensive if I act well enough.

[00:20:17] I've always thought maybe she would come around but yesterday I just snapped and I think I've finally got in clarity about the fact that she isn't going to change.

[00:20:26] And there was a bit of a mix of comments below that.

[00:20:29] Some people you know glad that OP's got a plan for the future with sort of how to navigate their way out of this situation.

[00:20:37] Other people you know sad that OP's having to play this game for a whole year not be themselves but be someone acting the way that their mother wants.

[00:20:47] Other people saying you know another parent who's just pushing their child away.

[00:20:51] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:54] Put yourself in OP's position.

[00:20:57] Which path would you be taking in that situation?

[00:21:00] Maybe got a different opinion on the matter.

[00:21:03] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:06] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:21:10] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:21:14] So thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I'm going to see you.

[00:21:18] You bloody cheeky so and so.

[00:21:21] In the next one.

[00:21:23] Take care and much love.

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