Fiancee Is INSISTING Inviting My Family To Our Wedding Knowing My Past With Them r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from AlternativeTale6910. And before we dive into the story, I just want to give you a bit of a warning. It does contain homophobia. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so.

[00:00:32] Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. It's titled, Am I the arsehole here for not fulfilling my fiancee's wish on our wedding day? Throwaway account. I appreciate if you give me your honest opinion as I'm being pressured from everyone, except my aunt, to go against my wish. I'm a 30 year old woman. I've been with my fiance Sarah for the last five years. We are the same age and we met at grad school. When I was 13, my loving,

[00:01:02] dad passed away. He left a decent amount of money for us. My mom within six months got engaged to a guy named Bob. Bob had a daughter around my age. My mom married Bob within a year of my dad's passing. Bob really hated me from the start and didn't even try to hide it. He was saying stuff like how my mom should have sent me to a boarding school. How if it wasn't because of my dad's inheritance,

[00:01:27] he wouldn't have me in his house. Or I'm a bull dyke because I was in our school sports team and very athletic. He multiple times told my mom he doesn't feel safe when his daughter is around me. I wasn't even yet. She used this as a reason to exclude me pretty much from everything. My mom, on the other hand, was going above and beyond to prove to Bob that she is the new mom for Bob's little princess. They ended up having three more kids.

[00:01:53] Basically, I was a roommate who did babysitting for my mom and her new family. I never had a birthday party or a special day. My dad's sister was amazing to me. I was at their place all the time. She and her family had birthday celebrations for me and my mom was making excuses not to show up. Of course, the rest of them never showed up. I was really my aunt and uncle's daughter. They were amazing to me.

[00:02:19] When I left for university, I contacted my mom a few times but she was always busy so I just gave up. Here is the issue. Sarah, my fiancé, come from a very family-orientated background. Family is everything to her. Her family asked about mine. I said my dad passed away and my mom is busy with her family and lives across the country. She lives a one-hour drive from us but this is what Sarah told them so I just didn't correct them. I didn't entirely lie, technically.

[00:02:49] Sarah asked me to invite my family to our wedding. I told her no. She said it's very embarrassing not having only my aunt and her family on my side. I reluctantly invited my mom. She called and asked me to apologize to Bob and my step and half-siblings for not inviting them and invite them all. I told her no. She said I'm being ungrateful and Bob was a father figure to me. I had a big argument with my mom over this.

[00:03:16] My mom now says the only way she comes is if I invite Bob, his daughter and their kids. Sarah is now pushing me to invite them all because she doesn't want to feel embarrassed in front of her family. These people never even gave me a card or said happy birthday to me so I see no reason to celebrate my big day with them. I, on the other hand, don't want to let my fiancé down. I just don't know what to do. Should I swallow my ego and invite my family so my fiancé is happy?

[00:03:45] I suggested eloping but Sarah is a firm no. Am I the asshole here for ruining my fiancé's day by not fulfilling her wish? Edit. Sarah knows everything about my life. My aunt even talked to her about how they treated me when I was growing up. Edit 2 will have a serious talk with Sarah tonight. I'll try to update soon. Absolutely not the asshole at all and don't back down. And I have to question, I don't say this lightly and I know it sounds like a very sort of reddity thing to say.

[00:04:15] I would seriously be side-eyeing the marriage anyway with someone like this. Someone who knows about your past, knows the abuse you've gone through and is pressuring you to invite these people so she's not embarrassed.

[00:04:58] That is wild. And anyone else's opinion should be unimportant. She got her priorities wrong. Encourage her to explain why your well-being is so unimportant to her. Then consider getting rid of the argument by postponing the wedding she's worked through, her people-pleasing attitude, in favor of the person she should seek to please. Or cancel it altogether. Either way, ex-mother ain't coming to no wedding of yours. Grey Blue Girl says, Sarah is not your friend.

[00:05:27] Never mind someone who loves you. She's not much different than your mother. She's willing to shove you aside so she can make her family happy. Please postpone the wedding and see a therapist. Sarah is another abuser. Not the asshole. GND replies that they're not the asshole. Often a person becomes attracted to what's familiar. Unfortunately, Opie's upbringing was toxic to say the least. It's regrettable that that SO has blinders on and

[00:05:54] fails to see that all family is not equal or the same as hers. The commenter replies that saying, My aunt one time said that then changed the topic when she saw me upset. She said you were trying not to disappoint her and win her love because she's literally like your mum. You want to win her love this time. She apologized later. We both moved on from that topic. And another commenter says, Are you sure Sarah is the person for you? She seems pretty dismissive of your boundaries and feelings.

[00:06:23] Opie responded saying, She was 100% before we got engaged. The whole idea of dream wedding completely changed her. Just like my opinion replies that and says, Changed her? Or caused her to show her true colors? So Opie did come in with her update and said, Thank you for your comments and DMs. They really gave me perspective on my life. I sat Sarah down last night and explained my reasoning for not inviting my family. She kept saying, That was a long time ago.

[00:06:53] They might not be the same people anymore. I felt offended and said, How on earth are you lecturing me when you've never even met them? Well, it turned out my mother has been in touch with Sarah. Sarah said they regularly meet for coffee, dates and talk. I was about to cry because I was so angry. My mom changed the whole narrative, Saying Bob was a father figure. A good, protective dad. And that it was me who didn't love him back. Because apparently, It's my thing to play the victim.

[00:07:23] She claimed my aunt manipulated me and stole me from their family. Trying to be a replacement for my mom. According to her, It's all about my mother. I screamed, Are you for real? Ask her next time on your coffee dates, Why I never had a birthday party growing up. Why there was never a gift under the tree for me. Ask Bob if he even knows when my birthday is. Since he was such a loving dad. Why did my aunt have to pick me up before Christmas Eve? Because Bob wanted to spend the holiday with his kids.

[00:07:52] Not with another man's mistake. Sarah basically repeated what my mom has told me my whole life. You just love to make a big deal out of everything. Make yourself a victim and push everyone away. I told her she had no right contact with my mom. She said I was cruel and claimed that she was just trying to help me Mend my broken relationship. She even called my mom lovely and said Bob has changed a lot. He's now an LGBTQ ally now. That is princesses out.

[00:08:21] I was flawed. An ally. Maybe he should start apologizing to me for terrorizing my entire childhood. I told Sarah we're done. I can't do this. Sarah sarcastically said you just proved your mom's point. Go run to your aunt. Let that old witch run your life. I told her she needs to find a new place ASAP considering she's not paying rent. I am.

[00:08:46] She got mad and asked what excuse I was going to make up this time to justify my bullshit trauma. I stopped replying. She went on a tirade break in our dinner place. I didn't care. I texted my aunt and she asked if I wanted to spend the night at her place. I said I was fine. I'm taking time off work. I cleaned up the kitchen which was full of broken dishware in the morning because I didn't want my cats to accidentally get hurt. Sarah is still sleeping. I'm going to see how I can legally evict her.

[00:09:15] I'm a complete mess but I'll talk to my aunt and uncle for help. Yes, I'm not starting to date again until I see a therapist and work on myself. I can't keep going through this. I know this is a very easy thing for me to say sat behind the microphone reading a very small part of someone's life. You know, an OP's having to suffer the pain of what's just happened but that just feels like holy shit a bullet dodge there. Sarah sounds just like OP's mum. Believe the mum instantly.

[00:09:44] Dismiss her fiance's feelings. She was just a red flag after a red flag. Holy moly. I hope you do evict her soon and swiftly and get her out of your life and move on as soon as possible because you deserve so much better than that. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:10:09] Liebe ist göttlich. Erlebe Disneys Hercules live in Hamburg. Zum Valentinstag nur für kurze Zeit bis zu 25% sparen. Jetzt Freude schenken. Tickets unter musicals.de Now our next story comes from ImpressiveSeries117 and says,

[00:10:35] How can someone who isn't invited to a wedding be considered responsible for giving a gift? I would appreciate any advice or suggestions on how to approach a situation. I'll change the names of those involved. I have a group of friends, though not all of them are truly close to me. Most of them are more friends by association, but we all go out together and have a good time. I do consider Maddie and Jessie to be real friends. Maddie's birthday, I got her a cake.

[00:11:03] Jessie had a small civil wedding and Maddie offered to bring wine for the celebration at her place, while I offered to bring a cake. There's a girl in the group named Carly, and my relationship with her is neither friendly nor unfriendly. She's always shown some apathy towards me, and I know she doesn't really like me. I don't dislike her, but I get the sense we wouldn't be friends since we have different perspectives. During the celebration, Carly commented that she liked the cake, and Jessie mentioned that I had brought it.

[00:11:33] Carly said it was good, but it tasted a bit dry. Everyone exchanged looks and changed the subject, but Carly kept talking about the cake. I didn't say anything about it. Carly had been planning her wedding before Jessie got married. She used to invite Maddie, Jessie, and other girls to discuss prices and ask for opinions on things. But she never asked me for my help or advice. I'd assumed I wasn't going to be invited.

[00:11:59] Everyone else got an invitation, and I wasn't surprised when I didn't receive one. Jessie wanted to talk to Carly about it, but I asked her not to, as I didn't want a pity invitation and understood that Carly wouldn't invite me because we're not friends. Jessie told me she wouldn't attend if it would make me feel bad, but I told her not to worry about it. Then Carly messaged me on WhatsApp to ask about cake designs and filling options.

[00:12:25] I thought she already had that figured out since her wedding was coming up and she'd been planning it for a while. I sent her the catalogue and she commented on a few options she liked. She asked if I did the setup, to which I replied yes, and sent her some example photos. She only reacted to the photos with a thumbs up and we didn't talk any further. She didn't ask for a quote or schedule a consultation, so I assumed she wasn't interested in my service. This was over a month ago.

[00:12:53] Today, we went out to eat and everyone was talking about the wedding. Her fiancé asked who I'd be bringing. I'm single, so I told him I wouldn't be attending. He asked why and to keep the mood light and avoid drama, I mentioned I'd be traveling to visit my parents. He understood, but Carly asked me when I was leaving. I told her I'd be leaving on Wednesday. And she said, the wedding's on Saturday. How are you going to set up the cake and desserts?

[00:13:20] I asked her which cake she was referring to and she replied, the one you're bringing to my wedding. I told her we didn't have anything scheduled and she insisted she had our messages. I clarified that I'd only given her options and set up photos and she didn't follow up. I assumed she wasn't interested. Her fiancé asked if anything could be done about it. I explained that the bakery requires a contract and a deposit. Maddie asked if Carly had paid a deposit or requested a contract.

[00:13:50] Carly replied, asking why she would need to, since it was my wedding gift to her and I should make sure she had her cake for Saturday. I explained that I don't handle the bakery schedule and that, with the wedding so close, they wouldn't accept a new order. Carly seemed upset and looked very uncomfortable. I asked for my bill, paid and said goodbye, saying I needed to go. I really don't want to lose my friendship with the group since I'm not from this city and I felt comfortable with them.

[00:14:18] I don't want this to create tension but I also don't know how to handle conflicts. I know it's a bit sad that I can't stand up for myself and would rather avoid confrontation. Maddie told me that after I left, Carly said it wasn't fair for me to back out after agreeing. And some people in the group hinted that maybe I didn't want to go to the wedding because I didn't want to give her the cake. Jessie said I wasn't invited and Carly replied that she had invited me.

[00:14:44] The first commenter said to OP, it's not okay for her to accept a gift, especially a big cake from someone she didn't even invite to her wedding. You were right to tell her you hadn't agreed to make the cake. It makes sense that you wouldn't want to give something so big to someone who doesn't seem to like you very much. OP says and especially for me to give her that gift when we don't even have a relationship. Quickquit says message all your friends and Carly in a group chat and clearly state that she didn't invite you.

[00:15:12] And for future interactions, there is nothing wrong to say that you haven't been invited when you haven't been invited. Lenton says this is why you always tell the truth. Why are you not attending? I wasn't invited. Simple and correct. When Carly said you were invited, ask when? Next commenter says she was invited to the venue as a vendor. For me, it just felt like Carly was almost purposely trying to throw you under the bus,

[00:15:40] but her end game just seems wild because then she wouldn't get her cake anyway. I mean, all in all, she just sounds like an awful person, someone that I wouldn't want to be around. She was expecting the cake from you when she didn't confirm anything. You know, sod that person. What a berk. But OP did come in with an update and said, I read a comment that this is how updates are done here. I hope those who gave me advice and asked for an update can see this. To those who asked why I didn't stand up for myself and let things get so out of hand.

[00:16:07] As I mentioned before, I don't like confronting people. I get nervous, feel like I can't breathe. When I had presentations in school, I used to throw up before and after each one. Sometimes I've kept items I didn't order or didn't want just because I was too embarrassed to exchange them. I've been in therapy and thanks to that, I'm now able to work as a cashier in a bakery. I don't think I could have done that before. I've come a long way, but I still get nervous speaking in public. I have a younger sister and she used to go everywhere with me.

[00:16:37] I'd give her the money and she would pay because just talking to the cashier would leave me breathless. I know people often feel sorry for those who seem weak and I don't want to be seen that way or treated condescendingly. Someone sent me a private message asking our ages. I'm 21, Maddie is 30, Carly is 30, Anna is 31, Carly's fiance is 31, Jesse is 30. Hope that helps clarify a bit more. Now here's what happened next.

[00:17:04] Someone suggested what I could say to Carly and I sent it to her. She replied saying she thought I wouldn't mind and that I owed her a gift anyway. And she'd chosen the cake as a gift. I replied that only guests are responsible for giving gifts. She asked what I meant and I clarified that she hadn't invited me to the wedding. She left me on read. I messaged her fiance something like, I don't want to cause drama or misunderstandings, but I didn't commit to giving her the wedding cake.

[00:17:31] I sent him screenshots of our conversation and he called me right away. He apologized and said he thought it was odd when Carly told him I offered to give her the cake. I mentioned it seemed even stranger to me since I wasn't even invited. He asked if I was serious and I told him yes, but that I wasn't upset and understood if it was something private. He apologized again and we ended the call. Around noon, Carly messaged me saying I was making a fuss over nothing,

[00:17:59] as if I couldn't just give her the damn cake. She didn't understand why I was being so sensitive, saying I'd given Maddie a cake and Jessie one as well and asked me to explain why I couldn't do the same for her. I replied that Maddie's cake was a birthday cake and although Jessie's was for a wedding, it wasn't a wedding cake. Carly answered that it didn't matter what the cake was for. I told her if that was the case, she could buy one from the supermarket. She started typing, but I blocked her before the message came through.

[00:18:28] Then Carly sent a message to the group with only the part where I told her to buy it at the supermarket, saying it was insulting and showed how little I valued her wedding, so no one could say she was the bad one. I responded to the group with a suggestion that someone gave me in the comment, which I adapted a bit. Hey everyone, wanted to clear up some confusion and rumors. I won't be attending the wedding because I didn't receive an invitation. I understood and made other plans for that time since the rest of you were invited.

[00:18:56] Not hurt or upset, it is what it is. The confusion about the cake is as baffling to me as it is to you. I only provided information on models and fillings from the place where I work, and that's all. I don't understand why it's expected that I cover a cake for a wedding I'm not invited to. It's true why suggested the supermarket, as she said the purpose of the cake didn't matter. Hope this clears everything up. I wish you all a wonderful time celebrating Carly and her fiancé.

[00:19:25] Congratulations in advance to the happy couple, and I hope those not invited don't feel caught in the middle. I posted screenshots where she reacted with a thumbs up and I sent the samples, along with all the conversations from that day and today. After a while, she commented that the group wasn't meant for this kind of drama and that we should resolve it privately. Maddie jumped in and said Carly demanded the cake in public, so it's only fair that everything is explained publicly. Another girl, let's call her Anna, commented,

[00:19:52] that's not the way to ask for a gift. Carly saw everything and sent a voice note saying she didn't know a simple cake would ruin my finances, but that it was fine, and that I shouldn't have shared everything in the chat. Then she sent a second message saying that when I get married and don't have friends who can help me out with things from their jobs, I'll understand what it's like to be without support. A guy replied tagging her, you didn't invite her? Carly responded saying she had sent the invitation. Another guy asked,

[00:20:22] do you have the confirmation? And there was no reply. Carly said, no, but she should have told me when she didn't get the invite. Jessie replied that she didn't like Carly's attitude, that she even considered not going and would only attend for the fiance's sake. Carly then said, so no one says I didn't invite you. Everyone can see here, I'm inviting you now. I'll send an electronic invite since there's no point in printing one now. I replied not to bother, as I already had plans. Carly replied, there,

[00:20:52] you all see. Then someone who hadn't spoken left the group. And that was it. Couple of the comments on that one. Someone said, is Carly seriously 30 years old? She's pathetic. You did nothing wrong. I would just distance yourself from Carly and focus on the other friendships, if you wish to keep them, but also branch out and make other friendships. Ragweed says, my move is to simply stop accepting invites to groups like this. Like, let them think what they want. They suck.

[00:21:21] Leave me out. Shut up and play ball says, question. Since you blocked her, how are you still receiving her text messages in the group? Opi says, I panicked and unblocked her again. I knew she wouldn't stay quiet and that's when she posted in the group. Then she messaged me privately again. I haven't replied to her privately anymore. Throwaway Counts says, Carly clearly thrives on drama. She'll always twist things to manipulate perceptions. Another commenter says, did she ask you for the cake again? Opi says, no. She sent me several chicken emojis.

[00:21:51] And then shows the emojis and says something like that. Bunny says, what a piece of work. Fuck her. If she's trying to start shit and get you to stir shit up. If you haven't already, reblock her and never talk to that bitch again. I absolutely lost it on that last sort of text exchange where it said, then someone who hadn't spoke lived the group. I thought that's me. It's kind of like, seeing all this going on, like, oh, fuck this shit. Ain't got no time for this.

[00:22:18] What an absolutely wild attitude that she has though. And it seemed like a lot of people around her are side-eyeing her at this moment in time. And I kind of wonder, you know, after the conversation fiance had with Opi, what the fiance's thinking right now. Is this wedding actually going to go through? Whew. Anyway, what do you guys make of this situation? Imagine receiving that message. How would you react to it? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:22:48] Now, just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Wake up, get up, stretch my legs, eat some breakfast, brush my teeth up, watch my face, don't mind, close on, stop my,

[00:23:19] I can smell the smoke from the bacon. Love is göttlich. Erlebe Disney's Hercules live in Hamburg. Zum Valentinstag nur für kurze Zeit bis zu 25% sparen. Jetzt Freude schenken. Tickets unter musicals.de DIN