Fiance Was ANGRY That I Didn't React When He Decided To Break Up With Me r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now our first story comes from past house 2508 and it says am I the arsehole here for being disgusted and just saying okay when my fiance broke up with me. So, I don't know man. I 28 have been with my fiance Alex 34 since 2020. We met at a friend's party, hit it off and have slash had been together ever since. He finished his doctorate in economics just last year.

[00:00:48] Since then he's been working at the uni. I have my masters in media sciences and decided to start working instead of going for a PhD. Okay, so the problem is that Alex broke up with me last Monday. It was literally so surreal and honestly just weird. For the past few months he'd been acting strange. He was making demands and then dropping them immediately. A few examples. He told me we were going to paint our walls back from dark green to white.

[00:01:17] When I asked why he just said for fuck's sake forget it. I never brought it up again. Even when I asked. Another time he came home and got mad because I was sitting on the couch with my head covered in a blanket. I had cramps. He was upset because I was just sitting there watching Netflix. Mind you the house was spotless. When I tried to talk about it he said forget it is not a big deal.

[00:01:40] This kind of thing became common. Every time I tried to communicate. Tried to figure out what was going on. Whether it was something I did or maybe he was just stressed at work. He would just say everything is fine. But he clearly was seething with rage.

[00:01:55] I didn't even have to do anything. He would find something to complain about. The apartment, clothes, me, work etc. So I gave him space. Which apparently was also wrong. I told him I was going to help my parents with repairs for a few days. And somehow that was also wrong because he wanted to renovate the apartment too.

[00:02:14] Then on Monday I got a text saying we needed to talk. I knew what was coming and after the last few months I had made peace with it. When I came home he was sitting on the couch. He didn't even wait for me to take off my jacket before saying I want to break up. Then the verbal diarrhea started. He told me he resented me. First because I didn't pursue my academic career further. Even though I was capable. And he didn't want to upset me at the time.

[00:02:41] Then when I started making more money. Since he didn't make much as a PhD student. He felt like I should have the last word financially. And he hated it. Mind you. I never said anything like it's my money so I have the final say. That's a rule he imposed on himself. And he hated it. He said he hated our paint scheme. The couch. And even our fucking crock pot. Then he told me he had rejected a better PhD program to stay here. Because I had already started my job by the time he got the acceptance letters.

[00:03:11] Only he never told me he had even applied overseas. He said a few months ago he checked in with a friend who's in that program. Saw how they were thriving and decided I ruined his life. He said I had too much control over his life. And that he hated the idea. That could just decide not to pay for things and fuck him over. I honestly don't even know what that means. He also said he hated that all his friends loved me. And didn't let him vent about me. Then he said again. I'm done.

[00:03:41] I was floored. I already made peace with the idea that we were ending. And it hurt. But after that rant. I was just disgusted. I looked at him. Probably with a disgusted expression. And just said. Okay. He lost it. He said this is exactly what he meant. That it was horrible. We'd been together for four years. And all I had to say was okay to our breakup. I just asked if he wanted to stay here while he figured out where to go. He said typical. Of course you're holding the apartment over me.

[00:04:11] And started ranting again. So I just left. I told my parents. And they're all so confused. My dad suggested I reach out to our landlord and explain the situation. To see what options I have. I can keep paying the rent no problem myself. He covered the utilities and some subscriptions. Just to reiterate. I never had a problem with this. I saw that he was chasing his dream. And that was more important to me than a 50-50 financial split. I make good money and I'm happy at my job.

[00:04:40] I never saw it as slaving away. I was at the mentality that my money was our money. Because we were building a life together. Of course I had my own savings and fun money. But I honestly never cared. As long as I felt he was working towards something. And wasn't taking advantage of me. I was fine with it. More than fine. Alex is still mad. He's going between texting me like a robot about the logistics of the split. To being a seething arsehole complaining about everything. I'm not even hurt anymore.

[00:05:10] I just feel nauseated by him at this point. I don't know. Should I have reacted differently? Finally. Edit and thank you for all your opinions. It was nice to get this off my chest. Just to clarify though. I don't feel like a victim. I feel like something happened and my relationship just turned bad. He behaved like an arsehole. But that is the extent of it. Very clearly something is going on. But he doesn't want me to be a part of whatever it is. I have to respect that. Now I just have to detangle myself legally from him.

[00:05:40] And after that. I'll just be left alone with my ugly green wall color. I think I might also adopt a cat. As my ex was really allergic. I love how this guy has just gone on a rant at you about everything he dislikes about you. And about life in general. And then he's shocked at the end of it. When you just go okay to breaking up. I mean what the fuck was he expecting you to do? Imagine being berated like that. And then it feels like he was expecting you to like drop to your knees and go oh no.

[00:06:09] Don't break up with me. What a burk. But Dan says dude basically hates himself for decisions he took without ever consulting you. He chose his comforts. But now since others seem in a better position. He's venting on you and making you the culprit. Not the arsehole. But your man has a little brain and doesn't know what to do with it. Opie says I would have supported him if he wanted to move away. I don't know if we would have stayed together. Because long distant relationships are hard. But I would have been 100% supportive.

[00:06:38] Other commenter says I suspect he was afraid or had other reasons to turn down that PhD. Or maybe never even applied. But believes he would have got it if he did. But chooses to blame you rather than acknowledge that. Hasty Koala says he probably chose this one because she would be there to pay the bills. It's more stable. Soft Requirement says girl I've been with a man like that. They want drama. They want toxicity. They will fuck up your life out of pure insecurity and hate.

[00:07:08] You dodged a massive bullet. I'm sorry this happened. You deserve better. Wish you the best. Opie says then I hope he meets the telenovela star of his dreams. I prefer my boring happy life. Ranty McThroway says not the arsehole. Dude basically said he hates you and everything about you. What are you supposed to do? Beg for his love when you can find someone who would give it to you readily. Nah. Sorry this happened and that you were blindsided. But this will be a good thing in the long run. On to the next.

[00:07:37] For all this worth he sounds jealous. Insecure and emotionally stunted. If what you've written is how things played out then you dodged a huge bullet. Opie says he was basically doing his own renditions of 10 things I hate about you. I don't know. I mean he wants to break up with me. Why would I plead? It is done. So Opie came in with her update and says to start Alex moved out pretty quickly after the breakup. He had been staying with a friend and we sorted out everything like mail, subscriptions and the lease.

[00:08:05] I'm also in the process of adopting a cat. Her name is Luna. But I've been thinking about changing it since my family already has two pets named Luna. A moon and Kamar. She's still at her foster home for now but I've visited her a few times and I already adore her. She is a scrappy little tabby who follows her foster mum around like a shadow and I can't wait for her to move in during the first week of December. I've already gotten her bowls, toys and a bed by the window ready. Now on to what happened.

[00:08:33] Last week I was out showing someone around the city. He is the son of my parents' friends who recently moved here for work. My parents asked me to help him get familiar with the area so I agreed. It was nothing special, just walking around, grabbing coffee and pointing out useful spots in the city. Apparently, Alex saw us. I didn't even realise he was there but later that night I started getting texts from an unknown number. I guess he got a new number since I blocked his old one. The texts were just weird.

[00:09:01] He accused me of flaunting my new relationship in public, said I must have been seeing this guy before we broke up and told me that everything he suspected about me was true. I didn't respond. I wasn't going to entertain his paranoia. The messages kept coming though. They went from angry to desperate with him saying things like, At least you admit you're lying to me. And was anything about us even real? It was exhausting and honestly a little scary to see how quickly he spiralled. For the record, this guy isn't my boyfriend.

[00:09:31] He's not even someone I'm interested in. He's just a son of family friends who needed help selling into the city. The whole thing was completely innocent. But Alex has twisted it into some kind of betrayal in his head. What gets me is how little Alex seems to know me. I'm not the type of person to jump into a relationship so soon after everything that happened. Even if I were, it wouldn't be any of his business. We are done. I've made that clear. After I didn't respond to his texts, Alex started calling.

[00:10:01] I didn't pick up but the voicemails were a mix of angry rants and desperate pleas. I ended up blocking his new number too. It feels ridiculous that I have to keep doing this but I guess this is where we are now. Then, this weekend, I went out to the bar with my friends. A few hours in, guess who walks in? Alex. I don't know if it was a coincidence or if he followed me there. But as soon as he spotted me, he came straight over. He was clearly upset. Asked him to talk and I told him no.

[00:10:28] My friend stepped in and thankfully, he left without causing a scene. But it ruined my night. It felt like I couldn't escape him. No matter where I went or what I did. When I got home later that night, I was completely drained. I had just started to relax when I heard a knock on my door. It was Alex, standing there in tears. He started crying, saying he missed me. That he didn't understand why I was doing this to him. And that he didn't know how to move on.

[00:10:55] It was like all the anger from earlier had been replaced with this desperate sadness. I didn't let him in. I told him he needed to leave and if he didn't, I would call someone to make him leave. He begged me to listen, but I just closed the door. I spent the rest of the night feeling shaken and honestly a little scared. I don't know what he's going through. I wrote to his best friend about the situation, but the plea of talking to him. He said he would. I'm seriously considering getting a new phone number and possibly even talking to someone

[00:11:24] about how to handle this legally if it keeps happening. It feels unfair that I have to go to these lengths just to have some peace. But I don't see another option. Caspian says to the OP, I think keeping track of every call, text and voicemail, collect the paper trail in case you need to go the legal route. Maybe get an additional lock on your door just in case. He's obviously unstable and has been for a while. Just focus on yourself and your new chapter in life. Another commenter says, check for a tracking device and check all your apps and settings

[00:11:52] to make sure you aren't accidentally sharing your location with anyone. Another commenter says, yeah, him coincidentally running into her twice while she's out seems not at all coincidental. Another typical says, once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern. I can't imagine that he just happened to see you when you're out in the city twice. Definitely get prepared in case you need to file a restraining order and take legal action. Be sure to practice good safety like locking doors and windows.

[00:12:20] Maybe even preemptively tell whoever works the front desk or whatever at work to not let him in if he comes to your workplace. Hopefully over time, he'll come to see that this relationship is completely over and he's stopped bothering you. And you know, the first time he spotted her out in the city walking around with someone, I was thinking, yeah, that's not a coincidence. That's just, it feels like stalkerish behavior immediately. You know, there's the chance it might not be, of course, but reading the way it comes across

[00:12:48] in this, it certainly felt that way to me. And I think OP does need to protect themselves because again, it's coming across like he is unstable. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story, a throwaway account. And before we do get into it, I want to give you a couple of warnings here that it does contain talk of homophobia and misogyny as well. So if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so.

[00:13:18] Timestamps are always down in the description. And along the timeline below. Thank you. And it's titled, my 32 female husband, 34 male is claiming that he didn't know my sister, 33 female is gay and is now saying he doesn't want our kids, 12 male, eight female and six female around her. Posting this to my profile because the original got removed.

[00:13:42] Me and my husband have been married for nine years and have a son, 12 and two daughters, eight and six. I have a very demanding job and work long hours. So my sister watches our kids on weekdays because she works from home. The schedule is that I get the kids up and drop them off at my sister's house at 630 and then go to work. My sister feeds the kids breakfast and gets them to the bus stop. After school, the bus drops the kids off.

[00:14:09] My sister gives them snacks and helps with homework until my husband picks them up at five. I get home from work at 630 slash seven. My sister and I are very close and I'm extremely grateful to her. She loves and spoils my kids. She's basically like a third parent to them. I pay for all her groceries and my kids help her around the house in return. On Monday, I got an urgent call from my husband after he picked up the kids.

[00:14:36] He said that I needed to leave work immediately so I could come home to have an emergency discussion with him. I panicked and rushed home because he wasn't answering any of my calls after he hung up. When I got home, my husband proceeded to dramatically tell me that my sister was gay. Apparently, when he got to her house, her girlfriend was there and they kissed in front of him. I actually laughed when he told me this because my sister has been out since I was a teenager and her girlfriend and her have been together for three years.

[00:15:05] He's claiming that he thought her girlfriend was just a friend and that the mentions of her being gay were just jokes. My sister's girlfriend doesn't come to a lot of family events because she travels for work and our family doesn't really talk about her being gay that often. I still can't believe that he wouldn't figure this out in the 13 years he's known her. It's been so long that I can't remember if I ever verbally told him that she's gay.

[00:15:30] My husband said that he doesn't want her around the kids anymore because she will influence them and wouldn't explain what that meant. I told him that I wasn't going to cut my sister out and he said I could still see her but not the kids because they are too young. I asked what the hell he expected to do for childcare if we couldn't use my sister and he suggested I take a week off work while we figure it out which I absolutely cannot do. I didn't want to yell at him in front of the kids so

[00:15:59] I said I was going to take a walk to calm down and we'll discuss it later. When I got back my daughters were crying and my son was upset. He told me that their father had told him that they weren't allowed to see their aunt anymore because she was having personal issues. I blew up at my husband and told him that he was being bigoted and selfish and that I wasn't going to cut my kids off from their aunt who loves them because he was too stupid to notice she's gay. And I packed the kids up and went to stay with my sister.

[00:16:28] I have no idea what to do. I love my husband and I don't want a divorce but there's no way I'm going to cut my sister off. I can't believe my husband didn't know she was gay but I don't know why he would lie about this. He's never said or done anything homophobic before. I know I shouldn't have yelled at him like that but I was furious that he said that to the kids. Any advice would be appreciated because I'm at a complete loss here.

[00:16:53] Von Huthers says to the OP homophobia by itself is bad enough. Homophobia directed at your own flesh and blood is beyond tolerating. What is he going to do if one of your kids comes out gay? I know it's a notorious Reddit response but this time I think it's justified. Dump him now. OP says I didn't even think of this. I feel like I didn't make it clear enough in my post. If he turns out to be a bigot I am 100% done with him. I'm at a loss right now because this is so out of the field.

[00:17:22] I feel really guilty and stupid right now because I've been racking my brain trying to remember if he's shown signs of this. But I'm coming up empty. Psych know it all and says How in the hell have you never had a discussion about LGBTQ issues? You haven't discussed politics, bigotry, gender identity, sexual orientation before having kids or has he hidden this all from you? Some serious introspection is needed if you've allowed never discussed it especially before kids.

[00:17:50] If he's been hiding it then time to work out where it's come from and if there is any likelihood of him leaving those views in the past. Doesn't seem likely. One other thought. Is it actually that he's trying to use this as an excuse to prevent you from working? Is it part of coercive control attempt? Is there anything that's happened that might have triggered him to try and cut you off from the outside world? OP says I've talked about LGBT stuff with my kids before. They know about gay and trans people and being accepting to them.

[00:18:20] I've been with my husband so long that I can't remember if we ever discussed this kind of stuff before. I guess I just assumed he didn't have a problem because he's never had an issue with my sister. I asked my son and he said his father hasn't brought up anything bigoted to him before. I think you're right and I'm due for a deeper conversation about LGBT issues with my kids. St. Blaze says Could he have an ulterior motive? Like he wants you to be a stay at home mum and thought you'd buy into a contrived situation.

[00:18:49] OP says maybe? I would have said no before but now I don't know. We had a fight a couple of months ago where he was mad because he didn't like how late I got home from work because he has to make dinner every night. But he dropped it so I thought that was settled. I'd make more than him and if I quit my job we'd probably lose our house. So I really question this logic. But then again I don't understand his logic about my sister so all bets are off. OP added an edit in the original post after those comments and said Edit.

[00:19:18] After reading the comments I think that unfortunately you guys are right. This is so out of the blue that I was looking for reasons as to why he might not be a bigot but I think he just is. If it comes down to him or my sister I'm choosing my sister. At this point I'm so upset with him that I don't know if I'd take him back if he came begging on his knees. He said what he said and he can't take that back. To answer some questions. We didn't really talk about politics because he doesn't really engage.

[00:19:46] I will mention something and he just responds okay or uh huh. Our life has been so hectic lately that we don't have a ton of alone time together. And when we do we don't talk about politics. We live in a pretty liberal area and he's never expressed any right wing beliefs to me before. So I never thought that he had any different views. My sister being gay doesn't come up that much. Her girlfriend isn't around us or our kids a ton. And my sister's sexuality isn't a topic of conversation because it's just something that is.

[00:20:14] Like she's gay and that's it so it doesn't really get discussed. I talked to my sister and she said that they don't really interact that much. When he comes to get the kids he will usually just say hello and nothing more. He's been ignoring my calls and texts so I'm going over to our house tomorrow when I know he's home and having a discussion with him. I'll post an update. Thanks for all the advice. The OP did update the post and says this is an update to a post I made earlier.

[00:20:42] It got removed but I posted the original text on my profile if you would like to go and read it. So it turns out a lot of you were right and my husband was lying about not knowing my sister was gay. He wasn't answering any of my calls or texts so I went over to the house when I knew he'd be there to talk. After we sat down I said the only way I would even begin to consider working this out was if he gave me the reason why he was suddenly acting like this. Agree to go to couples and individual therapy to work on his hurtful views and apologize to me.

[00:21:11] The kids and my sister. He started saying all the same stuff about my sister being a bad influence on the kids and not being in line with his moral compass. I got fed up and told him to cut the bullshit right now and tell me what was really going on or I was going to walk out and he would never see me or his children again. I've never spoken to him like that before and I think it rattled him because he spilled the whole story. Long story short, he's been having an affair for the past year.

[00:21:40] Now that I think about it, it makes sense. I thought that maybe he was pulling away from me but I figured it was just stress from working kids. He admitted that when he had to go to the office on weekends it was just an excuse to see her. Sometimes he would take half a day at work to go and be with her until it's time for him to pick up the kids. In his words, he was neutral about my sister being gay until his girlfriend opened his eyes.

[00:22:05] Apparently when he mentioned my sister to her, she was shocked and started sending him lots of podcasts and YouTube videos on the subject. So for the past year, he's been falling down a right wing rabbit hole and I had no idea. He said that he knew I wouldn't accept his new beliefs so he was forced to hide it from me. He also admitted that he's been wanting a divorce for a while and not just because of the affair.

[00:22:27] After watching the videos and podcasts, he started to resent me because I'm not a traditional wife who stays home to cook, clean and take care of the kids so that he can relax after work. He said that seeing my sister kiss her girlfriend was the final straw because he realized the extent what his children were being exposed to. So he pretended not to know about it and made it this giant issue.

[00:22:48] In his mind, this was the perfect solution because he could finally make me see things his way and become a stay-at-home mom where I'd divorce him and he could come away looking like the good guy. Then he said he's going for full custody to protect his kids. I'm not super proud of it but I flipped out on him. I called him a lot of names and told him that it'd be a cold day in hell before he got 50-50 custody. I said if he wants to talk to me again, he'll have to contact my lawyer. Then I stormed out before I could smack him or something.

[00:23:18] In all honesty, this is a total nightmare and I feel like I'm partially to blame. 13 years together and I didn't notice he was changing overnight. I didn't think he was the type to get sucked into this sort of thing but I guess he's stupider than I thought. I also never expected him to be a cheater either so maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. On the other hand, the comments on my last post have made me do some thinking and I realized I was not very happy in our marriage. A lot of people were asking what we'd even talk about

[00:23:47] and the honest answer is we don't. We started dating when I was 19 and he was my second ever boyfriend. About a year in, I remember I was feeling unsure about our relationship and then BAM! I got pregnant with our son. It all happened so fast. He proposed to me and I said yes. I had never discussed marriage before and looking back, I'm pretty sure I would have said no if I wasn't pregnant.

[00:24:13] We had a long engagement but we were basically married right after because I moved in with him immediately to raise our son. God, I feel so stupid. I think I was pretty naive at the start of our relationship. I never thought to have any in-depth conversations about politics, family and religion. I'm realizing now that I was mostly staying in the marriage because it felt easier than the alternative and better for my kids. I genuinely thought he was a good man and father.

[00:24:39] Now I'm remembering tons of different moments in our relationship that I brushed off and fights we had that all add up to a bigger picture. I think part of why I've been so frazzled and exhausted lately is because he was literally doing the bare minimum and leaving me and my sister to pick up the slack. I don't regret the marriage because it led to my kids but I regret not seeing everything sooner and getting out. Right now my kids are my number one priority.

[00:25:04] When I got back I sat them down and we had a long conversation about their father, his views and LGBT rights in general. I made it very clear that I would support them no matter what. I am also looking at getting all three of them in counseling to help them deal with this. We are temporarily staying with my sister while I sort out the divorce. We have separate bank accounts but I need to figure out how to sell the house because I don't think I can afford it alone and he definitely can't.

[00:25:30] There are some townhomes opening up in my sister's neighborhood that I'm going to try for so my kids can walk to her house. My sister has been so supportive during this entire ordeal. She and I had a long talk about everything with lots of hugging and crying. I feel so awful for bringing a bigot around her and I don't think I can ever repay her for all the help and love she has given me and my children. She and her girlfriend have been helping out with the kids and the divorce stuff.

[00:25:55] Since her girlfriend is currently in town I decided that I wanted me and the kids to get to know her better. So this weekend we're going to the museum and hopefully take my kids minds off everything. What I'm mostly worried about is custody. I don't want my soon-to-be ex-husband and his girlfriend anywhere near my kids but I'm not totally sure what to do. He's still their father and I don't want to keep them from having a relationship. I'm going for full custody but should I ban him from seeing them entirely? My son and older daughter are very upset with him.

[00:26:24] My son doesn't want to see him at all and I'm not going to make him if he doesn't want to. I'm sorry that this is long and kind of rambly but it feels nice to get my thoughts down. This whole situation has been overwhelming so again any advice going forward would be appreciated. I might update again in the future after everything is settled to let you guys know how things are going. But in the meantime I'd like to thank you for all the helpful comments and messages. Dryask says to OP after that update, wow the audacity and hypocrisy.

[00:26:54] He'd become a giant misogynistic piece of shit with a typical stroke your ego narcissistic girlfriend that helped him see the light. That's quite laughable if it wasn't so tragic for you and your kids. I think you need to get an attorney ASAP and do what you can do. At minimum ban your husband's mistress from being around your kids but absolutely go for full custody and force a sale of your home. I do think that you and the kid should move back into the house and your husband should be the one to go if he can't hack it.

[00:27:22] I would argue that this is detrimental to be around such morally bankrupt individuals. Adulterers and biggers. OP says I have an appointment with a lawyer on Monday. There is no way in hell I'm letting his mistress anywhere near my kids. I want to sell the house as soon as possible and get him out of there. If he wants to be like this he can go and stay with her. I'm not sure about moving back into the house because I'm scared his show up when it's just me and the kids. I think my sister scares him a little which is why he hasn't shown up to her house.

[00:27:51] I love the way the guy talks about having a moral compass in this one but then comes out later that he's cheating. It's just like oh gee whiz. But anyway now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:28:19] Take care and much love.