Fiance Admitted He Used To Sleep With Married Women & Hus Justification Is Shocking r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider? Hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now, today's first story comes from a throw away account and says, found out my 33 female, fiancee, 31 male, used to sleep with married women in his twenties. And his justification has me questioning everything. How do I approach this? Hi everyone, I'm feeling really confused and conflicted right now and could use some advice. Throw away account because this feels very personal. My fiancee, both in our early thirties, has always seemed like the person who's been in the past.

[00:00:48] He's a perfect guy. He's attentive, emotionally intelligent and just gets me. I've always felt so lucky to be with him. But recently, I stumbled upon something that has shaken me to my core. We were having a deep conversation about our past and the topic of past relationships came up. He admitted that in his twenties, he used to regularly sleep with married women. His reasoning? They wanted it and I never pursued women who were in happy marriages. According to him,

[00:01:18] most of these women approached him, most of these women approached him and he claimed that 90% of married women are willing to cheat if the opportunity presents itself. When I asked why he thought that, he told me it was based on his experience. He said some of these women cheated with him for extended periods before he got bored and ended it. It made me feel sick just listening to him describe it so casually.

[00:01:41] But here's the kicker. He admitted that one reason he's such an amazing partner now is because during those affairs, he kept the sort of mental list of all these things women would complain about their husbands. He used that information to be better. He even joked that his education came from hearing what not to do in relationships.

[00:02:02] When I pushed him on whether he felt any guilt or regret about helping destroy marriages. He brushed it off. He said these women were the ones who wanted to cheat and he only gave them what they wanted. He even framed it like he was doing some kind of service, helping them realize their dissatisfaction.

[00:02:21] He insists that I changed him, that I'm the reason he wants to settle down and leave all that behind. But I can't shake the feeling that his past has something disturbing about his character. I know people grow and change, but I feel like I've been handed this big, ugly truth that I can't unsee. I don't even know what I'm asking here. How can I talk to him about my feelings?

[00:02:43] Now, I find it pretty disturbing the way he's so casual about it, saying things like 90% of married women would cheat and then brushing off any guilt. It's, as I said, pretty disturbing. Just like saying, hey, I learned how to be a great boyfriend by helping destroy marriages. It's screaming red flags that he sees nothing wrong with it and is even joking about it.

[00:03:07] And like OP said in this, people can grow, people can change. We've seen in these stories before, but there is a difference from learning from your mistakes and then using them as some kind of strange, weird flex about how he's learned about relationships. And in some ways, I'd be worried almost less about his past actions, but more about his current attitude about them because that's who he is right now.

[00:03:34] One of the commenters says, he's going to cheat on you eventually. His mental list can be used to justify his future cheating by saying, well, you acted like all unhappy married women did. So I thought you were cheating. So I did too. Don't marry this trash bag. OP says, I truly, truly believe he will never cheat on me. This is a man who has shown me a million different ways that he loves me and worships me.

[00:03:59] There were so many difficult moments where we'd pull through because of him. I'm not worried about him cheating on me, but it does make me question his mindset. Why doesn't he feel guilty about this at all? Another comment says, listen to your gut. If you think it sounds like BS, it's because it is. Showing a lack of morals is just showing a lack of morals. If you're young, attractive and can date anyone, then why aren't you just dating other young single people?

[00:04:27] OP says, I asked him this and he said he found more interest from married women for some reason and that he liked the idea that there was no attachments. The commenter says, pretty gross behavior to talk about it so casually would be a major turnoff. OP says, I definitely felt a bit turned off. Sex is a very important thing for me and I can't imagine just having sex with someone who's married. It's never even crossed my mind.

[00:04:53] Another commenter says, anyone who takes no responsibility for their actions and assumes cheating is only a crime for the committed person. Absorbing the one knowingly cheating with a committed person of any fault would not be a person of integrity worth marrying. His past is not much of a problem as his current attitude to cheating is. He doesn't see he's done anything wrong. So what change is he talking about?

[00:05:17] Part of growing is accepting past transgressions and doing better. But he feels he hasn't done anything wrong. OP says, this is what I think is bothering me. He's done it. And the past is the past. We all have one. He's not just saying he doesn't feel guilty, but he also says he thinks it made him better. When he said this to me, he even looked proud of himself.

[00:05:40] OP talks about the mental list and says, he just mentioned a couple of things, but one woman moved for studying and her husband didn't because he didn't want to change jobs. That made her lonely. Another one had a husband who barely went out with her and spent a lot of nights out drunk with his friends. Based on this, he told me at the beginning of our relationship that if I ever wanted to move somewhere else, he'd quit everything and move with me. And he has done this for me. It's something I loved about him.

[00:06:08] I never asked him to move and even try to find a compromise, but he didn't want to step on my dreams. The commenter replies saying, you say he was helping destroy marriages, but was he? These marriages had problems without him. For all you know, he helped someone get out of bad marriages. He candidly told you an uncomfortable truth that he 100% didn't have to. It would have been way easier not to tell you what he did. Does that say something about the partner he is?

[00:06:36] Opie replied saying, I did ask him if he felt like he was destroying marriages and he said these women would have slept with the next person that called them beautiful if it wasn't him. That's where the guilt-free feeling comes for him. He never pushed someone to cheat. Another commenter says, were these women older than him by 10 years or more? Opie says, I think they mostly were. He mentioned a few times during the conversation that the problems these women would have with their husbands went on for years.

[00:07:33] So Opie came in with our update and said, hi everyone. I've seen men telling me that they were like my fiancé and that they enjoyed the attention. They all said they changed and that you do stupid things at that age. Now, on to the update. I sat down with my fiancé last night and told him we needed to talk more about what he told me. We've always been open about each other's paths and have zero jealousy. He knows about my ex-partners and even some one-night stands.

[00:07:58] We have a policy of only giving information when asked and what started this whole conversation was me asking a question that led to this. I don't believe he hid this from me on purpose. It just never came up until now. I asked him why he thought 90% of women would cheat and he says it's just what he's noticed but admitted the number is probably inflated. The sector he worked in is very cutthroat and he thinks the type of sector he was in led to this happening a lot. He doesn't work there anymore.

[00:08:28] I asked him how he felt zero remorse on this. He said his policy is that regret is something that holds you back. He doesn't spare any thought on anything he's done in the past. He just believes in learning from experiences. That there are no bad experiences. He also said he is really proud of the growth he's had since he did this and how it made him appreciate a lot of small things in our relationship that wouldn't have had he done this. I also asked him about the women. Did he pursue them hard? He said no not really.

[00:08:57] Some he worked on but a lot he met at bars after work hours or through conferences. He said many of them were out looking to cheat. He said a lot of female friends are in relationships that he never ever even flirted with because he could tell their relationships were strong. I asked him how many exactly he slept with and he said he doesn't know but probably over 20 or 30. Mostly older than him and mostly one night stands but with a few of them it happened over a period of a year or so.

[00:09:25] I asked if any got divorced eventually or got found out. He said he never ever kept in touch with any of them or even stalked them so he genuinely doesn't know. But while he was involved no one ever got found out. I asked him what kind of problems these women were facing. Many of them felt neglected and were in long distance relationships or marriages. Many of them had husbands who hadn't called him beautiful in years. And many of them suspected their husbands were cheating on them.

[00:09:53] Overall I still feel a bit weird about this but I decided to give him a chance. He's never ever shown me anything but love and adoration. He's been a wonderful partner. He moved with me for a job. He supported me during very rough patches in my career. He always buys me flowers and plans dates for me. My parents adore him and I adore his parents. I can't stop describing how amazing of a man he is.

[00:10:18] It will take me some time to get over this slight ick I had but I think I understand more where he's coming from. He's also seen how miserable women who cheat are and said that he never wants me or himself to find ourselves in a situation where this is the solution. He's a great communicator as a result and a few times where we got into arguments. He articulated his arguments to me perfectly and we got over things. We will still get married and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

[00:10:48] A couple of top comments on this one. Crimson Ghost says obviously it takes two to cheat but it's pretty easy to not have any regrets when he's literally never had to deal with the consequences of his actions. Ford BKK says he said his policy is that regret is something that holds you back. He doesn't spare any thought on anything he's done in the past. Then says oh I truly believe he means this. So as long as it's not him paying the price he doesn't give a shit about what happens as a result of his actions.

[00:11:16] Vegan QT says he's had a lot of female friends and never even flirted with them once because their relationships look strong. Then says the bar could literally not be lower. But congratulations for that achievement I guess. Mediaker Ravenclaw says shame and regret are important emotions to feel. They're not comfortable and no one likes feeling them but they inform us.

[00:11:41] Feeling regret tells us we aren't proud of our actions and that we didn't act according to our values and morals. Regret doesn't hold him back. Suppressing it does. And that was hugely concerning and like some of the comments were saying yeah he doesn't regret and he hasn't learned anything because he's never faced the consequences of his actions. There's 20 or 30 husbands or wives out there who's been cheated on and OP doesn't give a shit because he sees regret is holding you back. That's a concerning attitude.

[00:12:10] And it just feels like he's got a hat full of excuses for if he ever decides to cheat. Like oh 90% of women cheat so you're probably cheating on me. That's why I did it etc etc. I don't feel like that's going to end well. But what do you guys make of this situation? Imagine a partner saying something like that to you and you know everything else that followed it. How would you feel after that? Would you be able to move past that? Genuinely curious. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:12:41] And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from a deleted user and says my mum got a $30,000 personal loan in my name without my knowledge. The account is from February which was when they bought a boat. Now they've missed four payments and told me they're going to let it default since the boat can't be repossessed. And they're going to call DCFS on me.

[00:13:05] I just googled DCFS and it seems it's the same in the UK as the US Department for Children's Schools and Family Services. It starts. I knew my mum had her eye on a pontoon boat for the last year. She and my dad retired in 2022. And while they aren't swimming in money, they weren't hurting much for it either. Or so I thought. They bought a boat in February for a little over $30,000.

[00:13:31] I don't think a lot of it since they always rented a pontoon boat two to three times a year and didn't appear to have money issues. At the start of July, I began getting my ducks in a row to buy a house. When I applied for a pre-approval, I found that my credit score was barely over 600. And I had an extra 30k in debt I had no idea about. Even worse, it was 90 plus days late. I told the lender the account wasn't mine and he said my identity had probably been stolen.

[00:14:01] But it was probably someone close to me as the money would have had to go to a bank account with my name on it. I shared a bank account with my ex-fiancee and asked the bank to look into it. They said the account had been closed a couple of years ago. When we broke up and no attempts to send money to it or take money from it have been made since. I filed a dispute with the company and the credit agencies as it was obvious to me that I had been hacked or my identity had been stolen.

[00:14:29] About a week ago, I got a notice from the company to my apartment, first I had ever heard from them, saying they were going to charge off the account if payment wasn't made. I requested more information from them and they linked me to their fraud department. They were able to tell me where the money was sent. To a bank account from when I was a minor that I shared with my mum. When I called that bank, they confirmed that there was activity on the account and that the statement showed the loan coming in

[00:14:58] and almost all the money being transferred into what looks like my mum's account at the same bank. I haven't used that bank in more than a decade. I called my mum and asked her about it and she, after a long pause, said that's how they bought the boat. They made one payment on the account and realised they probably couldn't afford the monthly payments for the next five years. When I asked why they hadn't told me, she said it was because they figured I would say no.

[00:15:23] They were right and that they had worked hard in their lives and wanted to enjoy retirement. It ended by them saying the boat couldn't be repossessed because it was a personal loan. My mum suggested declaring bankruptcy and I told them I was going to the police. My mum said to not do that because they wouldn't take it seriously. When I told her I was doing it anyway, she hinted that she might have to call DCFS on me. My two-year-old burned themselves on a hot pan earlier this year.

[00:15:52] Simple ER visit and was told accidents happen, he's fine. Regarding an unsafe home. I think I'm still going to the police because declaring bankruptcy would make it impossible to buy a house. I just needed to vent and looking for any advice. Wow, what absolute scumbags. Who needs enemies when you've got parents like that in your life, right? And it does make me wonder what the past looked like for OP.

[00:16:22] I know it makes no difference to the story and OP's absolutely right going to the police. I'd mention the blackmail that they're going to call DCFS. Try and get that in writing as well if you can. But I just feel there must be some past history there. To all this over a fucking boat. Destroying your relationship with your child. Ruining your relationship with your grandchild. I mean, absolutely wild. Tombstone says she stole 30k.

[00:16:50] Potentially ruined your financial future for seven years. Threatened to put your child in a situation where they could be taken and put into foster care for a fucking pontoon boat. Liberal Patriot says OP. Make sure you mention that they're effectively trying to blackmail you into not reporting. Have them add it to the police report. Get a copy of that police report and keep it near their door. If DCFS gets called, allow them to check your home and child and show them the police report.

[00:17:20] By reporting it first, you come out swinging and get the drop on them. Don't let their threats prevent you from getting your life in order. Another commenter says 100% this. Had a family member threaten CPS on me and my wife. I called and reported the incident including the threat to the police. Sure enough, CPS shows up at my house. Followed by a lawsuit to take my kids by my family member. He had one court case.

[00:17:45] CPS dropped their investigation and the family member got reamed in court for wasting resources and made to cover my legal fees. So around three months later, OP came in with her update and says, I filed my police report the same day as my first post. The officer and I talked for probably 20 minutes and I printed out a statement from the bank. I spoke with a detective a couple of days later for another 20 minutes. Fast forward about two and a half weeks and my dad called saying my mom had been arrested.

[00:18:14] He said an officer and a detective showed up at their house asking to speak with her. When she went onto the porch, they grabbed her and arrested her. The detective, same one I talked to, explained they had a warrant. My mom has never been in trouble with a law in her life and she got arrested on a felony. They tried talking to her and she immediately requested a lawyer. They stopped asking questions but didn't let her see a lawyer right away.

[00:18:39] My dad was furious but the detective told him to have a lawyer go down to the county jail in the morning before she went to the judge. The next morning, apparently, she and the lawyer talked and she was released in the afternoon with a new court date. About a week later, I got a call from DCFS requesting to meet with me about my son. I had nothing to hide so I agreed. We spoke for about half an hour at my apartment and I explained the situation.

[00:19:05] She seemed understanding and told me there are no obvious issues. She just had to follow up on a report. I will say if I'm ever in trouble, I'm hiring her lawyer. The case was dismissed at the next court date in late September. The detective called me the next day and explained the state attorney believed that they wouldn't be able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt she intentionally stole my identity. He said he figured it was a BS reason because he had documents from the bank and loan company.

[00:19:33] He said the state attorney drops a lot of cases, even open and shut ones, especially when it's not violent and they have a hired attorney. She never made a statement other than her attorney telling the detective she didn't do it. He also said the loan company might go after my mom in a lawsuit. What brings me back here is that a couple of weeks ago, the account dropped from my credit. Even better though, I got a letter from DCFS yesterday saying the allegation against me was unfounded.

[00:20:02] I'm never talking to my piece of trash mom again. Thank you everyone who gave me advice and hope in my first post. It just sucks that she's probably going to end up with a free boat out of it. Unless the loan company sues her. Which I hope they do. Sensei the Defender says, send the loan company the address where the boat is kept. With a photo. 1962 Michael says, the problem is they took out a personal loan, not a boat loan. In other words, they borrowed cash in her name and then bought the boat with cash.

[00:20:31] So the boat is not collateral for the loan. They might be able to sue the parents, but they have to basically prove in civil court what the state's attorney would not bother prosecuting. Which would probably cost more than 30k in legal fees. Lap Steel Guitar says, personally, if my parents called DCFS on me for revenge, that would be the end of my relationship with them. Never to be revived again. Serenity Pickles says, I would never let them see the grandchildren. OP frees your children's credit too.

[00:20:59] Matrix says, I'd send them pictures though. Here's a picture of your grandchild that you'll never see again. I feel bad. The poor kids lost a grandparent, but they are not worthy. And many people were saying there were no true, like legal consequences for the parents. Which, you know, is frustrating in itself. But losing your child, losing your grandchild over that boat. All I can say is really, I hope it was worth it.

[00:21:28] When you sit on that boat, realize what it's really cost you. Your relationships, your closest relationships. Those parents are just a pair of bloody berks. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today. Get involved in the stories. Your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:21:57] Take care and much love.