Family Wants Me To Hide My Heterochromia For My Sisters Wedding r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well, my name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like subscribe maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:19] Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from LuckyStrike222 from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit and says My family wants to hide my heterochromia for my sister's wedding. My 21 male sister 32 female is getting married and they want me to sing at her wedding but

[00:00:36] also wear contacts to hide my heterochromia. I have two different colored eyes. I'm Asian and my family thinks that my heterochromia will never be socially accepted slash always looked down upon and may even be perceived as some kind of illness or a disability and

[00:00:52] they don't want their new in-laws to perceive any flaws about us and our family. I live abroad so I don't see my family often. Every time I visit I get urged to go out in public, at events to see family. Wearing contacts.

[00:01:06] Spring every year when the wedding is we have really bad yellow dust and wearing the contacts is going to be a pain. I have good vision so contacts are not part of my life at all except to hide my colored eye. My mom has always been image orientated.

[00:01:21] Grooming my sister and I our whole lives and being hypercritical about our looks. My only flaw is my eye condition. My sister's flaw was her nose and my mom bullied her into surgery for a small bump no one would have said anything bad about.

[00:01:37] Should I just suck it up and wear the contacts for that day? Maybe I'm picking the wrong time to retaliate. When is it the right time? Edits, I can't keep up with the comments so I will write here and hope you see it. A complete heterochromia.

[00:01:51] Brown and blue. As I mentioned in my post I live abroad. I grew up and went to school outside my home country from a young age where I never hide my condition.

[00:02:01] The older I get the more I receive a lot of compliments for it in the US and Europe. I've been told it suits my demeanor and personality which is on the quieter side.

[00:02:10] I've been scouted a few times for modeling but in all honesty I'm not that good at it. In my home country most people have the same eye color. More homogenous society. While enhancing your eye color is popular it still tends to lean very natural looking.

[00:02:25] I was raised to hide my eye color from a young age there so admittedly it's been hard to move away from that because I've got so used to wearing contacts every time I visit.

[00:02:34] I'm not a shy person but I'm an introvert and not having attention on me when I don't want it has always been a personal incentive to comply. I've gone without contacts in my home country on a few occasions. The responses have been mixed.

[00:02:48] There have been some comments from older people like the comment with Jopie Lynx which are in alignment with my mum's fears. But when it comes to younger people the reactions are often positive. Not always though. Some people know what heterochromia is and clock it.

[00:03:03] I've also been told I come across intimidating to approach in general, even in contact so most of the time no one will say anything to my face. They will just steal glances and whisper to each other.

[00:03:15] Some people do end up talking to me they say things like, but then I talked to you and you were kind, you have a calm energy, your eyes are really cool beautiful.

[00:03:25] I am aware many people find my eyes attractive but my mum is an older woman who has been conditioned by her own upbringing but worries of things like my heterochromia will hold me back from success, jobs, opportunities etc in the country she grew up in which holds

[00:03:39] some truth and is the reality there. I shared here a little bit about her perspective. Please keep in mind that this post is about my personal experience. I'm not trying to speak for all the Asians of the world. My family is conservative, the social circle is too.

[00:03:55] This post is mainly situational about my sister's wedding. On that note I think it's likely going to come down to me wearing contacts for my sister just to keep things civil and add respect for her.

[00:04:06] I'm not going to do it for my mum or grandmother or anyone else but for my sister so as to not add to her stress. However, I will be doing this on the condition that I will not be wearing any contacts on visits moving forward.

[00:04:18] I'm sure once I share my feelings my sister will understand and back me up on that. I might even show her this page. Thank you all for your positive comments, for reading this. I'm not good at writing and sharing your opinion.

[00:04:31] To the optometrists and ophthalmologists I saw some of your comments. I'll do the right thing. To the few people who saw my slip up in my main reddit on accident I appreciate you complimenting me but please stop doxing me in the comments. I've asked some people to adapt.

[00:04:45] Now I know this is very easy for me to say but don't be wearing those contacts. Go as yourself. Be yourself. And I would maybe talk to your sister about this to bring comfort to yourself to get it from her that you come as yourself.

[00:05:01] They want you to sing at this wedding. You come as yourself. And I would really hope that your sister would agree with you and you do exactly that. Be you. What mirrored garage wall says nope your eyes are gorgeous.

[00:05:13] Wear them with pride or go malicious compliance and wear full black. Sclera contacts? Sclera? Oh my word I just googled it. They're terrifying. Life significance says don't wear them. You'll be setting a standard they will expect you to keep up all the time if you do.

[00:05:30] Family can be critical and as easy to do as they say for approval. But you are unique. The heterochromia eyes are beautiful. Never let anyone even family make you think otherwise. Go with pride. Opie says this is one of the reasons I feel like not wearing them.

[00:05:46] It's a good opportunity to make everyone see my eyes. Even some family who previously had no idea about my condition. But on the other hand I feel bad I'm using my older sister's wedding to do that.

[00:05:57] I don't want to cause drama at her wedding or take away from her moment in any way that holds me back. Life significance says have you tried talking to her about the situation? Maybe asking her if she'd be ok with you doing that could ease some discomfort. Absolutely.

[00:06:14] Opie says I've talked to her. She is feeling her own pressure during the wedding and wants everything perfect. My dad passed away at the end of last year so there's an added intensity to everything.

[00:06:24] I didn't share my feelings I just asked if I could go without contacts and she asked if I would please wear them to avoid issues with our mom adding to her plate. My sister and I have a good relationship.

[00:06:35] I'd do it for her but I'm thinking maybe I need to have a deeper conversation. Maybe she doesn't know how I feel about it. But Opie came in with an update and said I got some DMs requesting an update.

[00:06:46] I didn't reply to anyone because the wedding hadn't happened yet and there was nothing to say. Since I already answered questions in my original post I will do a simple update here and not answer any more questions. LOL.

[00:06:57] If you have a really burning question you can ask it but I don't check reddit often. I had a long conversation with my sister. We had to do it over FaceTime because I was still abroad but in a way it was better.

[00:07:08] She understands and was genuinely feeling bad about having to request this from me but we both decided it's not the time to defy the family. I put my personal frustration aside and after making the first post I began to feel that I was being selfish.

[00:07:21] I think most people didn't want me to make the decision I did. I'm sorry. My sister was prepared to let me participate in her wedding without any contacts but I decided to wear them because it's her wedding day. I wore contacts.

[00:07:35] Yellow dust was yellow dusting lol but most of the wedding was indoors so it was tolerable. I didn't do the malicious compliance guide so no Halloween demon contact lenses. The optometrists and eye surgeons on the original post convinced me it's not worth the risk.

[00:07:51] I already hate putting in contacts. After the wedding I took the contacts out. Mom wasn't happy and I haven't been wearing them here during my visit. After the first few encounters about it with family and relatives it's mostly okay with me now.

[00:08:05] It's a little bit exhausting having the same conversations and hearing the same responses. I think I might need therapy or something for some of the feelings I have and issues with my mom that have been created now because of my choice.

[00:08:18] But thanks for helping me get over the hardest part. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story which

[00:08:32] comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit from TequilaShotsAtWork that says Am I the Arsehole for ordering tequila shots for my work colleagues at Friday lunchtime. I 26 male work in a busy lab, medical diagnostics and every Friday we go as a team, 6-7 people

[00:08:51] to a local sports bar to have a team building lunch on the bosses company card. Yesterday our boss was swamped with deadlines but said the rest of us could go anyway as long as we paid for any alcoholic drinks ourselves.

[00:09:05] Usually the boss plus 1-2 other people will order a small beer with their lunch so I have consumed alcohol on the clock before in this job. I was even thinking that without the boss there that I might order a big beer this time.

[00:09:18] When we have arrived though me and my work bro 25 male were drawn to a new offer the bar had on tequila shots, 5 for $10. In our defense we had just had a very stressful morning so we proposed to the team that we

[00:09:31] buy a single round of shots to commemorate it. A couple of our colleagues were a little reluctant but after a little convincing we were soon toasting to a morning of hard work. That's when my work bro proposed we order a second round of shots.

[00:09:45] I have a pretty high tolerance to alcohol so it was no problem with me. I knew for a fact that we have a couple of lightweight colleagues, for example a lady who rarely drinks, 23 female, but we still managed to convince the rest of the table

[00:10:00] to drink with us a second time. After that the 2 females with us tapped out but the 3 remaining guys, myself included, decided to split 10 further tequila shots. In our defense, as far as team building goes the outing was a roaring success.

[00:10:16] I think I learned more about my colleagues in those 1 and a half hours than I have in the last 2 years. Unfortunately when we got back to the office our boss could smell the tequila on my breath.

[00:10:28] My work bro very stupidly decided to be honest and told him that some of us had had 5 plus shots of alcohol at lunch. My bosses face turned bright fucking red and he told us all to go home immediately and that

[00:10:41] it wasn't safe for us to be working in a lab while inebriated. I calmly explained to him that I in fact still felt very sober, I have a very high tolerance remember, but he wasn't having it.

[00:10:53] I'm genuinely worried what's going to happen on Monday morning, the 2 female colleagues called me and my work bro assholes for taking it too far and getting everyone in trouble. I see their point of view but on the other hand we did have a really good time while

[00:11:07] at the bar. Help us out reddit, who is the asshole here? And in the comments Omraid says you're the asshole, I'm pretty sure being inebriated while working in a medical diagnostic lab is a felony. You should be thankful you weren't fired.

[00:11:21] I wouldn't count that you're not going to get fired just yet. I think boss being pissed off and sending them all home isn't going to end well. But Pineboxin says you're the asshole, 5 shots over 1 and a half hours and returning to work in a medical lab.

[00:11:35] Crap days are over bro. Multiverse replies saying god I can't even imagine wanting to take 5 shots fully knowing I had to go back to the office. I would have been absolutely sloshed taking 5 shots in general, even if it was on a weekend night out with friends.

[00:11:50] Commenters that you're not listening, he said he had a high tolerance. Resting Beautyface says you're the asshole and the way you describe your other co-workers is gross. Females, communitive asian and work bro, you need to grow up.

[00:12:07] Like Mona Lisa says in quotes a couple of our colleagues were a little reluctant, but after a little convincing and then says you're the asshole if someone tells you no, accept the no and move on.

[00:12:17] Seek help for your alcoholism, taking 5 shots in 1 and a half hours is not the behavior of someone with a healthy relationship of alcohol. Final comment which says everyone sucks here except your boss.

[00:12:28] You however need to take a look deep at your relationship with alcohol if you think 5 shots of tequila is no big deal. You need to look deep at your career if you think that drinking at lunch wouldn't potentially cause real problems.

[00:12:39] You work in a lab, you're part of a process where medical information is gathered and resulted. Even a slight error in your part could have resulted in a real person getting the wrong amount of medication. Healthcare is a higher responsibility, know that or get out of the field.

[00:12:54] The OP came in with her update and says well I'm sure a lot of you will be happy to know that me and my out of work bro got fired this morning. HR asked us why exactly we thought we could drink 6 tequila shots and then go back to

[00:13:06] the lab. All we could think of was that in college we used to work hard and play hard and it didn't affect our grades. They didn't like that excuse. Anyway we were offered a plea bargain, HR accepted our resignations and promised a passing but

[00:13:22] not glowing reference for our future employers. On the condition we don't mention what happened to anyone ever again. I want to thank all those that commented on the original thread. I know except that me and my work bro made a grievous error of judgement.

[00:13:36] We're not alcoholics as some people suggested but we're not in college anymore either. Personally I'll be laying off the hard liquor for a while to focus on rebuilding my career in medical diagnostics and if in the future someone offers me a shot while I'm on the

[00:13:49] clock I will say no thank you. Imagine being in an office sat down with HR and they ask you why did you think this was a good idea. Instead of saying I really just messed up all I can do is apologise for what I did.

[00:14:04] You went with work hard, play hard. Oh man. Deary deary me. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:14:21] And our next story comes from a deleted user. Doesn't have an update as yet but it's titled am I the arsehole for ignoring my husband during our flight when he expressed anxiety over flying. I 33 female recently married my husband 30 male and we took a 3 hour flight to Mexico

[00:14:39] for our honeymoon. I fly a lot for my job so I've racked up a lot of miles. My husband isn't a big fan of flying though he has gotten better and tends to just hold my hand and close his eyes during take off and landing.

[00:14:52] Mostly ok when in the air. When I booked our flights I requested to use my points if an upgrade to business class became available but made it clear I only wanted this upgrade if 2 seats became available and then basically forgot about it.

[00:15:05] Then comes the day of our flight. I was so excited for this trip. I checked us in online, all is going well. And then when we go to board the person scanning our boarding passes stops us.

[00:15:17] She says it seems that my husband was upgraded to business class but only him and asks if that is ok. I immediately say no, we're on our honeymoon and would like to stay together.

[00:15:28] But then my husband jumps in and says no it's fine I'll go to the business class. I look at him in complete shock and he tells me that I fly all the time and have been in

[00:15:38] business class before but he hasn't so he deserves a chance to experience it. I see we're holding up the line so I feel like I just need to agree and get on the plane. To say I'm pissed off is an understatement.

[00:15:51] He smiles and takes his seat and I go back to my seat where they sit me next to an old woman with a baby on her lap where my husband should be sitting. Within maybe 5-10 minutes of sitting there trying to hold back tears because my husband

[00:16:05] left me alone on our flight during our honeymoon and uses my points for his upgrade no less. He starts to text me saying he feels anxiety over flying. I ignore the text and stop looking at my phone.

[00:16:16] Within maybe an hour after we're in the air he comes to the back of the plane to find me, offers me half of his business class breakfast and asks me why I was ignoring him.

[00:16:26] That he was scared and needed me to tell him it'd be ok since I'm such an experienced flyer. I told him maybe he should have thought about that before leaving me alone before our honeymoon even really began.

[00:16:38] He gets angry, tells me that this may be the only time he gets to fly business class and has given me half his breakfast to make up for it so I could at least be supportive of his genuine fear.

[00:16:49] I roll my eyes sarcastically say thanks and he goes back up to his seat. When we landed I just tried to move on and forget about it so we could just enjoy our honeymoon but he guilt tripped me about not comforting him via text before takeoff and

[00:17:04] now I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable and should have just let him enjoy his time in business class and ensure him it'd be ok. So am I the asshole?

[00:17:14] Ometa says to OP, info did you get stuck in a middle seat in economy if so we ride at dawn. OP says thank god no aisle seats we've flown together three times in the past Florida,

[00:17:26] Vegas and Europe and made a deal to alternate if one of us had a middle seat. I think the flight was overbooked and they just gave a random person in a middle seat an upgrade to business so they could fit more people in economy.

[00:17:38] I have status that allows me to use 500 points to upgrade if the seats are available. Usually I didn't bother putting myself on the upgrade list but the agent I spoke to on the phone said she could ensure we'd be upgraded as a couple or not at all.

[00:17:51] Owls and Cardinals says not the arsehole your husband made a really questionable decision and he was essentially having to live with the consequences of this decision. He jumped at the chance to sit alone in business class and I guess it didn't occur to him

[00:18:03] how evidently reliant he is on you during a flight. Regardless of his phobia he's a grown man and it seems like he made it through takeoff just fine if he was asking your help when he'd already been served food.

[00:18:15] It's like he was using his need for you as a weapon to make you feel obligated to forgive him for making a pretty shitty choice given that it was your honeymoon. Someone asked OP is everything always about him?

[00:18:27] OP says he grew up poor and has this mindset of always wanting to have more things, more money etc. I grew up middle class but had awesome parents that made sure I got the opportunities they didn't.

[00:18:38] I think he has a very fear of missing out mindset and thinks he deserves to experience things as an adult because he had so little growing up. We just have very different ways of looking at things.

[00:18:48] I care enjoying what I do for work and don't care about salary and promotions. He wants to make all the money and get all the promotions no matter what. Now I totally get anxiety around flying, I'm a very very anxious flyer myself like

[00:19:02] someone that has like death grips on the armrest as it's taking off and landing. But after that initial decision where you turned up and he's like no I'll take the business class you should go in economy, I had very little sympathy in the end.

[00:19:14] I've got to be honest and it felt like a bit like that comment said that you know he was only bringing the breakfast over and then partially using that anxiety against you to get you to forgive him.

[00:19:25] But talking about anxious flying I remember I went on a Christmas do once with the last company that I worked for we went to Frankfurt in Germany and went to the Christmas market. It was absolutely wonderful if you ever get a chance go go go go

[00:19:37] so much better than any UK Christmas market I've been to so far. But on the way back we was it was a bit of a rough ride on the way back and I was

[00:19:46] I sat by myself in a row of three and had a couple next to me, the girlfriend or wife was by the window, the guy was sat next to me. We hadn't really made eye contact just sort of said hi as I sat down and everything was fine.

[00:19:58] And as I was coming into land there was like turbulence or something but the overhead lockers were opening and the plane was shaking and I hadn't realized. But when I opened my eyes and we'd finally landed I was holding on to the guy's hand as well and

[00:20:11] his girlfriend was holding on the other side I was like oh I'm so sorry Matt I'm really sorry I didn't know what I was doing there. He was like no that's fine and we had a bit of a laugh about it but my word that was an experience.

[00:20:22] Anyway now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories,

[00:20:34] your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully we'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.