Family Is Furious At Me For Not Allowing Their Kids Push Me In The Pool r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more relationship stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Now, today's first story is one that we have covered in the past. I didn't cover it for a little while because there was more updates and now apparently it's been concluded.

[00:00:29] So if you do want to skip parts of the story, feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. And this story is from ScaredWeakness6250 from the Am I The Arsehole subreddit saying, Am I the Arsehole for jumping out of the way when my niece and nephew tried to push me into a pool, resulting in them falling in? Happened today. My folks decided to host a barbecue because I guess that's what older people do.

[00:00:56] I declined because I really don't like my two sisters, their husbands or their kids. Wife and I are child-free. Mum then pressured the wife, long story short, we went. By the time we arrived there, we were about 20 people there. My sister and their husbands were already solidly buzzed. Drunk really. My mum was spending 100% of her time trying to keep the nieces and nephews, ages 7 to 11, more or less under control.

[00:01:23] My dad had strategically retreated to the whirlpool part of the pool with a small cooler full of beers. My wife and I made small talk with miscellaneous people, ate food and had a frozen margarita. My sister and brother-in-law took turns criticising us for being late, not being in our swimsuits and screwing up the vibe. Whatever. Typical suburban summer get together.

[00:01:46] About 45 minutes in, two of the kids ran at one of the neighbour guests, who was standing next to the pool and pushed her in. She was at the pool steps, stumbled in but didn't fall so only got half wet. She was clearly very unhappy about it but she didn't make a scene. Just went over to where the parents were, grabbed their towels, dried herself off and left. Sisters and brother-in-laws thought it was all great fun. A bit later, I was standing a few feet away from the pool, chatting away with someone.

[00:02:16] I saw three of the kids running full tilt at me from the corner of my eye. Obviously, I was next. Not that it's terribly difficult to outwit young kids but I just jumped out of their way at the last second. All three of them ran straight into the pool at full speed. Most of the other guests, including my wife and me, started laughing but their mums, who as I mentioned were pretty shitfaced, absolutely freaked out. Apparently, two of the kids couldn't swim even though they were in swimsuits.

[00:02:45] Since I wasn't in swim gear, I stepped back from the pool and let other people fish the kids out. The kids were bawling their heads off like they'd lost a limb. At that point, all hell broke loose. The four drunk parents were yelling at everyone in general and me in particular for nearly letting their kids drown and also because two of the kids had been videoing the trick using their parents' iPhones, which were now at the bottom of the pool.

[00:03:10] One of my brother-in-laws got into the pool to try and retrieve the phones but his BMI and BAC made that impossible. No one else volunteered to help. Unsurprising given that my sisters were still bitching at everyone. I told my sisters it was their job to watch their kids and that if anything had happened to them, it would have been their responsibility, not mine. There were some pretty strong words on both sides. Wife and I left after the other brother-in-law fell over and face-planted while yelling at us.

[00:03:38] Now they're saying I should have let little shits knock me into the pool and have their fun and ruin my phone. So, am I a yasol. Side note, dad of course never got out of the whirlpool. Just got this mental image of the dad just like sat across the other side of the garden, you know, in the whirlpool with his pack of beers next to him just saying, I don't want none of this shit. And I remember the first time we covered this and just thinking about, you know, consequences, have actions,

[00:04:08] and that's all we're seeing here. And whenever we cover like stories with children and their behavior and what their parents allow, etc, etc, I always find it worrying for their future. You know, it might be totally out there kind of comment, but... And I know in the kids' minds they were just having fun, but for the parents to think that's acceptable to be pushing random people into a pool, you know, fully dressed with their phones on them, etc, etc, and then laughing about it afterwards, I'm just like, oh, deary me.

[00:04:38] I can never imagine any of my nieces or nephews doing anything of the sort. Perhaps when you're on holiday and things and you're in a swimsuit and they walk past you and they give you a quick nudge into the pool, that kind of thing. But reading about that situation made me feel really awkward, especially for that neighbor who was pushed in and that they must have felt like, oh, God. Anyway, there were some thoughts from Opie on this, who says, I realize they're just kids and they were having fun. The fact that they thought this was okay is more of a reflection on their parents than them.

[00:05:08] Just wish we hadn't gone. It's nice to see my folks and their neighbors, but I really, really don't like my sisters or their husbands. They don't hide their envy of us and they're just exhausting to be around. And then there's some more information why Opie doesn't care for some of his family. Opie says it's more of an oil and water sort of thing. I've never been close to my sisters. They're eight and ten years older than me. I don't have much in common with their husbands.

[00:05:34] They're okay guys, but I just don't give a crap about the things that are important to them and vice versa. I do know that the four of them are somewhat envious of our lifestyle. Both the sisters are stay at home moms. Both the husbands make good money. One makes noticeably more than I do, but both my wife and I have professional careers. We don't have kids and we are way more responsible with money. As a result, we have a lot more investments, etc. And we don't have to drive cars full of kids debris and we take nice trips once or twice a year.

[00:06:04] It definitely grates on both sisters and by extension their husbands. So we get some petty behavior from them on an ongoing basis. Overall, neither my wife nor I enjoy their company, which is why I wanted to skip the get together. Just not worth it to me. But my wife is a positive person and is usually happy to see them. Someone mentions to OP that hopefully like next time your wife won't feel guilted into going. And OP says, That's probably the one positive thing that will come out of this.

[00:06:33] My wife is much more tolerant and forgiving than I am towards my siblings. But based on what she's saying on the way home, I think she's had it with them as well. Someone says, Your dad sounds awesome. OP says, Yeah, my dad's very chill. He loves being around groups of people. Used to be in sales. Likes people to enjoy themselves. And he's definitely enjoying life as a retiree. And two other guys with him just sat there and watched the show. Mum's cool too, but the situation upset her.

[00:07:01] Someone asks if the kids were okay. And OP says the kids are fine. By the time I left her inside watching TV. I think they're 7, 9, 10, and 10, and 11. It was the middle three who played kamikaze with me. I'm guessing the 11 year old egged them on. She's usually the ringleader. Someone says, You phrase the part about your parents hosting a barbecue oddly. OP says, I had to shorten the post to fit the character limit. My folks are gregarious and like to have people over.

[00:07:29] They have the classic great for entertaining house and are always coming up with a reason to get together. I'd wanted everyone to be at their place for the 4th of July. But one of my sisters and her family were on vacation. So this was a fake 4th of July party complete with flags, red, white, and blue decorations, barbecue, margarita machine, etc. Sparklers were promised to the kids. My nieces and nephews were the only kids there. All of the neighbors are older like my parents.

[00:07:56] So a month later OP comes in with their first update and says, First off, my folks tell me that my nieces and nephews are all good swimmers and that they use the pool all the time. The 7 year old is still a beginner but loves the water. My sister just said they couldn't swim so I'd look bad. To be fair, none of the kids are allowed in the deep end which is where they fell in. It was the two 10 year olds and the 9 year old who tried to push me into the pool. After we left, the party ended on a pretty sour note.

[00:08:24] My drunk brother-in-law who face planted while yelling at me had to go to an urgent care place to get his face stitched up. He was too toasted to drive so dad took him. Dad was not very happy about this. Late that evening, my sister started a group text and said some really nasty crap. The husband threw in a few comments as well. Wife and I blocked the 4 of them. My mum called me. She was pretty upset about what they said. She and dad were in the chat and I don't blame her. Because of the text, my folks insisted.

[00:08:53] My sisters and brother-in-laws come over the next day, Sunday, without their kids to get something straight and lay down some ground rules. Mum's wording. The result was a contrite, if unenthusiastic apology from the siblings via my mum's phone. I'm glad my wife was with me when they called. The hard stares kept me from saying what I wanted to. I just told them thanks and that we felt no need to discuss it further. Since I thought things were settled, I unblocked them.

[00:09:21] That evening, I got a text from one of the brother-in-laws telling me the phone's cost is xxxx amount and asking when I'd be paying for them. What the fuck? I replied, never. I took a screenshot of his text and forwarded it to my folks with a note that we're done with this nonsense. We go in no contact with sisters and spouses and not to invite us to any more holidays or get-togethers if they'll be present. Then I blocked the sisters and their spouses again.

[00:09:48] At that point, the shit really hit the fan. Dad called them and ripped them a new one. Among other things, he told them the grandkids were not welcome into his place indefinitely. Since my mum regularly provides free babysitting, that got them pretty rattled. He also banned them from using the vacation house and told them my wife and I actually own it, not he and mum. This completely freaked them out. Both of my sisters and families used the place a lot, including having their friends up for weekend getaways.

[00:10:18] This was very much out of character for my folks. They'd clearly had it. And for reference, I never wanted my sisters to know we owned the place. We bought it for my folks. They'd always wanted a place in the mountains. Keeping the ownership quiet was just a way to avoid drama with my siblings. A couple of days later, my sisters and their husbands came to our place unannounced to apologize in person. We were out to dinner and they left a note. One sister also called me at work too. I sent her to voicemail.

[00:10:46] We've decided being no contact is the best thing for the indefinite future and haven't interacted with them for the last three plus weeks. Personally, I'm done. They can go pound sand. On the back of that post, someone asked Soapie how has life been. Soapie says,

[00:12:32] And Opie says, I agree completely. Their apologies aren't sincere and I have no plans to interact with them anytime soon. Opie says, Regarding them using a vacation home. That's really my parents decision. Yes, technically I own it and cover all the expenses, but I bought it for them and they have day to day control over it. They're good people and they always wanted a getaway place for the family, but there's no way they could have ever bought it themselves. I could afford to buy it for them because I've been fortunate financially. Save and invest like a demon.

[00:13:00] Plus, I got a massive bonus the same year I sold my home and moved in with my now wife. I don't care if my folks let my siblings use the house, but I will admit, I'm enjoying my sister's discomfort over finding out that I could afford to buy the place and let my folks use it while never mentioning it to them. Dad changed the lot code when they went up last week, so now only he, mom, my wife and I have it.

[00:13:22] With regards to my mom babysitting the kids, she tells me that once a week she and sometimes dad have been going over to each sister's place and spending the day with the kids. When school starts, she's going to pick each set up from school once a week on separate days and take them home and spend the evening with them. She says the five of them together stress her out, but separately they are fine. Mom and dad have both told me they don't plan on having my sisters and their families back to their place in the foreseeable future and that they're enjoying the quiet.

[00:13:51] My guess is they're already tired of the old dynamic and use the pool party nonsense as an excuse to make some changes to the relationships. And nine days after that post, OP updates their update and says, well, it's been an interesting last few days. I thought shit had hit the fan before, but it was more of a fart compared to what happened this week. Oh, I'm such a child. For this to make sense, I need to provide some financial context. My folks haven't ever been good at saving money.

[00:14:20] I've been doing their taxes for years, so I know pretty much everything about them money wise. The house is paid for and they have minimal debt, but they didn't save much for retirement. Both of them get social security. Dad gets a solid pension and they have a bit of savings, but there's no treasure chest in the basement. I bought their current car for them after they retired. A retirement present so they could have something nice to drive. It was the first car in probably 20 years they didn't lease.

[00:14:47] My sisters are convinced the folks are dripping with money and that our parents will be leaving the two of them with everything since I don't need more money. So they never cared about saving either. Turns out my older sister and her husband, they have three kids, have been living beyond their means for some time and are in financial straits. They've maxed out their credit cards and are behind on their car leases to the point that one is about to get repossessed.

[00:15:13] She bragged in the past about making X per year, but it turns out to be about half that. She confessed all this to mum on Tuesday because they need a loan and because, and this was a what the fuck moment for mum and dad, that for the last three years instead of staying at the vacation house regularly, she's actually been renting it out once a month or so and pocketing the cash. We're talking $2,000 plus for a weekend and at least $4,000 for a week.

[00:15:40] With her being cut off from using the place, she's had to cancel one group already. She's now worried they'll lose everything. My folks aren't in any position to give them a loan. My other sister was aware of her renting out the place, but of course, hasn't ever said anything. I suspect she's done the same thing as well because I went up there once to drop off an ATV that I'd worked on and there was a family there who claimed to be staying there with my sister, her family and they'd gone to town for something. At the time I let it go.

[00:16:09] I figured she'd loaned out the house to some friends, but I've always wondered. I found all this out through my folks who are pretty stressed out about it. Mum more than Dad. He's mainly just pissed off about it all. I know Dad feels betrayed and I imagine he's embarrassed that he's in no position to help his daughter out. He did reiterate that as long as it's up to him, the girls won't be using the vacation home anytime soon. My folks let me know what's going on because they figured my sisters would pull a full court press on me next. And they were right.

[00:16:38] On Thursday, my sisters came to our place again, without husbands this time, and waited outside the door until I got home. I had to choose between fighting with them in public, then making a scene if I went in without them, or letting them in. So, I let them in. I got a bullshit story from my older sister with a younger one backing her up, regarding why I needed to let them use the mountain place again immediately.

[00:17:01] They also said I've been a shitty brother and that I needed to step up and plan on paying for their kids' college tuitions since that's what family does. I let them pitch their story and then called them out based on what my folks had told me. Things went to shit from there. There was denial, crying, cursing, yelling, you name it. I swear my ears are still ringing two days later. I won't lie. I said some really mean and shitty things to them, but nothing that wasn't true. I finally left after about an hour.

[00:17:29] After that, I took a shower and lay down. When I got up, my wife was home and her first words were that she'd had to block more phone numbers because my sisters were blowing up our phones from new ones. Folks messaged me yesterday asking me to call. I'm sure my sisters have told them some bullshit version of what happened, but I'm not up to rehashing it yet. I'm usually a pretty energetic person, but this drama has me beaten down. I had just enough energy today to drive up to the vacation house and padlock the entrance gate shut.

[00:17:59] I'm the one with a key. I'm guessing that will be enough to ensure my siblings leave the place alone. They'd probably die trying to walk 400 yards uphill to get to the house. Two and a half weeks from that last update, a new one comes in and says September 12, 2023. Yet another update regarding the clusterfuck that is my extended family. Thought it might be time given what's gone on over the past two weeks.

[00:18:24] After my sisters came to my place, my mom and dad told me they were done with managing the vacation home. It sounded like the sisters had been pressuring them to let them use the place again. Basically, my folks handed the responsibility to the place over to me and told me it was my problem from here on out. Up until then, they'd kept track of who would be using it when they're taking care of routine maintenance, replacing worn out items, etc. In any case, they decided they didn't want to be in the middle of all this crap.

[00:18:53] But I don't blame them. I'm disappointed because the damn place was supposed to be something for them to enjoy and hang out in and they use it regularly. Plus, I've never cared that they let my sisters and their families use it. Because really, I've always thought that was my parents' core, even though I technically own it. But now, my folks are going to be in the position of not having access without me being involved. And that changes the whole dynamic of the place. I've taken several steps to secure the place. I already mentioned that I locked the gate.

[00:19:22] It has a heavy duty chain and the best lock I could find. I also did a full reset on all the door keypads and created all new codes. Security cameras got installed yesterday, which is actually pretty cool because the installer convinced me to put a high res one that looks over the valley. The system cost me way more than I thought it would, but the peace of mind is worth it. The installer also put up signs on the property saying the place was monitored by video.

[00:19:48] I also installed a heavy duty lockout for the water shutoff and drain valve. I hope to hell I don't lose the keys for it because if I do, it's going to be a bear to try to remove. I haven't told anyone but my wife that the water is locked off and again, only we have the keys. Last week, I got a separate call at my office from both of the husbands trying to convince me. To let them use the house like they always have. The older one had gone up with some friends for a guy's hangout, but couldn't get in because of the gate lock.

[00:20:16] He was pretty pissed and embarrassed about being locked out. I'm sure he would have broken the lock off if he could have. During his call, he kept bouncing between pushy and victimhood. At one point, he threatened to rip that gate out of the goddamn ground. He also admitted they'd been renting it out to a few friends, that they needed the money, and I was ruining their business, and that I should refund their guest's money. Me? Fuck that. I should have recorded the conversation with him, but I don't know how to do that from an office phone anyway.

[00:20:46] The other brother-in-law just sounded like he was being made to call by my sister. He didn't really put up a fight when I told him not to plan on ever using the place again. In any case, I told him they can't use the place and not to ask again. At this point, I'm considering selling the vacation home. Wife and I won't use it enough to justify keeping it, and it's not like there's going to be any family get-togethers there anytime soon. I mentioned selling it to my folks. Their response was pretty much, whatever.

[00:21:15] I'd more than double my money by selling it. The place consists of three lots with killer views, and it's at the end of a private road. But I'd probably wait for a while to sell. Doing so now would be an emotional decision. My sisters and I aren't currently speaking, and I have no plans to initiate contact. I don't know what the status between them and my folks is, and I don't want to. On the upside, we spent an evening with my folks last week. Went to a new restaurant that was nice. No one brought up any of this crap.

[00:21:43] Mum did update us on the nieces and nephews. She's spending time with them at their homes. Sorry this update isn't full of laughs or owns. That's just life sometimes. And there is more to this story, but I just have to butt in because I always find the entitlement absolutely insane. Bringing us back to the old days of entitled people. Renting out someone's house and claiming that's your business, and you're going to rip the gate out and all this kind of shit. But we've seen this kind of entitlement time and time again,

[00:22:11] and it still keeps popping up. There is some wild ass people out there. And of course, people were asking OP questions. Someone says, you know, they seem massively entitled. Couldn't you just rent it out yourself or sue them for the profits? And OP responds to that and says, I agree that my sisters and their families are very entitled. They're also in an extremely weak position in all of this. The place is a bit remote to rent as a long-term home. Plus there are times during the winter the road is impassable. Just staying there year round is pretty iffy.

[00:22:41] There are a couple of permanent residents on the road who are at a lower elevation and relatively close to the year round public road. Even they have to hunker down or bug out a few times each winter. Regarding making it a vacation rental. Doing so would be seen by my sisters as rubbing salt in the wound, and would give them a reason to create more drama. And honestly, we don't need the money. The place is paid for. It's in great shape. It doesn't cost much to keep the lights on, etc. I did think about lawyering up and covering them with paper.

[00:23:09] It wouldn't even cost me much. A good friend is a property law attorney. But again, doing so would escalate things and give them a reason to create family drama. My primary goal at this point is to minimize my involvement with them and minimize any nonsense that causes my parents stress. I'm willing to take some short-term flack and absorb some expenses like the camera system to keep things contained. It could blow up again, but I suppose I'll drive off that bridge when I come to it. I don't think we'll sell right away if at all.

[00:23:38] It's more of a last resort or personal fantasy thought than anything else. There's a good chance that come holiday season, my folks will reset and want to have the entire family there. Which is fine. We won't be going, of course, but I don't care if my parents have guests there. I intend to keep control of the place for the indefinite future, though. Which will be inconvenient at times because I'll be the only person with a gate key that can live with that. And quickly on the back of that comment where OP says, you know, they don't mind them. The parents having guests there.

[00:24:07] My initial worry as I was reading that is like if the sisters and the brother-in-laws turn up and they're using your place as well, there is the potential of them to damage your property in, you know, little secret ways. I don't know, scratch the floor or, you know, mark the walls or whatever. I know that sort of stuff can be repaired, but it's still a pain in the ass for you, right? Especially when you're giving it to them for free. It just seems like they might be the kind of people to do this. Someone says to OP, the audacity.

[00:24:35] OP says, yeah, a renting thing. I just don't have words. One of the harsh but true things I told my sisters was that they had risked my property and stolen from me. And that made them no better than common thieves. Their response was that our parents hadn't told them they couldn't. So it was okay. I just can't think that way. I don't know about the spine, but thanks. I think it's more that I just don't care that much for them. And because of all this nonsense, I'm now having trouble caring if they live or die.

[00:25:03] That might be unhealthy of me, but I'm comfortable with my feelings. I agree about the arms length thing too. We're staying in no contact with them or for the indefinite future. Someone says to OP, this is the calm before the storm. They try to guilt you again. OP says quite possibly. I know one thing for certain. I'll burn that place to the ground before my sisters ever rent it out again. Financially, I'm pretty certain my older sister who was renting out the place regularly is screwed.

[00:25:30] I know they're trying to take out a second mortgage, but unless they can contain their spending, that will be a stopgap at best. I admit, I didn't realize until recently how much they and the other sister and brother-in-law resented me over my financial situation. But I figured out it's pretty intense. Honestly, I thought both families were doing well. They drive new cars, have nice houses, everybody has all kinds of electronic gadgets, etc. But all that was smoke and mirrors. At least for the older sister.

[00:25:58] I'm finding it impossible to give a shit though. I should probably be more empathetic about all this, but the truth is I really don't care much about my sisters and their families. I don't feel any real bond to them. Certainly nothing like I have with my folks or my in-laws. Heck, I'm way closer to my wife's siblings than mine. In any case, I don't care how my sisters live, so as long as it doesn't involve me. Someone says to OP, why not just sell it? OP says my parents, dad in particular, love the area the house is in.

[00:26:28] And it's close enough that they can drive there with minimal effort. I think they'd prefer I not sell it so they can continue to use it, which is fine with me. And they like getting everyone together so my sisters and their families will end up there. And really that's fine too. We're not going to be there. I hope they have a great time. But as to my sisters using the house again without my parents being there? Never again. Someone says, what about moving forward? OP says yes, this will probably be a long term issue for my siblings. They can't harass me if we never speak again.

[00:26:58] All they can do is make my folks upset. My parents are capable of dealing with that themselves. Eventually, everyone will get used to the new reality of the house not being available. I'm going to find a property manager in the area who can unlock the main gate for me and do other routine stuff. So I don't have to go up there when my folks want to use it. That will cost me less than the place being used by my sisters three out of four weekends. I pay all the bills and the place will stay secure.

[00:27:24] And also, yes, my oldest sister can get a job and or they can cut back on their lifestyle. They probably won't do so until some massive reality check like getting their suburban repossessed. But that's their problem. We won't be helping them. My folks can't realistically do so. I'm having a hard time pretending to care one way or the other. Like John Wayne said, life is hard is harder when you are stupid.

[00:27:49] So around a month later after that update, we get a new one, which says a couple of people have asked for an update. And here you go. I hired a guy to manage and look over the vacation home. He lives in the area, takes care of his folks and manages a good number of properties. Some are vacation rentals. Some are weekend places like ours. He has access to my camera feeds and does a physical check on my place every week or two. I think he may have the best job in the mountains.

[00:28:16] He gets paid to drive around with his dog, walk around the properties and hangs out on people's decks whenever he feels like it. He also has a camera feed from a house near the start of the private road that takes still shots whenever a vehicle goes past it. $450 per month. Plus he'll do basic maintenance and repairs on an hourly basis. He's friends with all the sheriff's deputies too. He's got a lot of peace of mind from doing this. He sends photos from his walks to everyone once or twice a week. I have to brag a bit on my parents. I got all this from them tonight at dinner.

[00:28:46] They were getting pressure from my sisters to demand that I open up the vacation house to everyone for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving up there had become quite the tradition for the family. Not for me and my wife. We've gone once in seven years. My dad refused to bother me about it because he knew I'd say no. They came up with what I think is a great plan. Announce that they were organizing the Thanksgiving gathering and if everyone splits the cost in advance, they'd rent an Airbnb in the mountains.

[00:29:11] Otherwise, they'd host Thanksgiving at their place or one of the sisters could host it. This caused a fight between the sisters because the middle sister was all for doing the Airbnb. The oldest one doesn't have any money. The deadline to commit to when Airbnb has passed. Looks like Thanksgiving will be at my parents' place. Regardless, we won't be there. My parents have asked that we not sell the place for now. They decided they'd still like to use it occasionally but not until my sisters have come to terms with the new normal.

[00:29:40] And of course, they'd probably like it if everyone could get together again down the road. But that's not going to happen. I'd just as soon as sell it and move on at this point but I can live with keeping it if my folks do use it now and again. Plus, it'll be worth even more down the road. Wife and I have stayed no contact with my sisters and their husbands. Both sisters have called from new numbers. F you Google Voice. And left messages insisting that I meet with them for our parents' sake.

[00:30:07] To work out how everyone can use the family vacation home. They called my wife too. I'm glad I was already in the habit of not answering calls if I don't recognize the number. I honestly don't know if they're delusional or if they think they can bully me into giving them access again. Don't really care. My parents tell me that the oldest sister and her husband are getting out of their leases for their SUV and big ass truck. And are selling their jet skis and some other shit they've never needed. That's going to be really hard on her.

[00:30:35] She's quite the bragger and won't like being seen in something older, smaller or cheaper. My brother-in-law's identity is very much wrapped up in his truck as well. He even has a small tattoo of the truck company's logo. Which frankly is one of the many reasons why he and I never hung out. Several people have suggested I make the vacation home into an Airbnb. I don't plan to do so. At least anytime soon. I know it would make money but it would cause an incredible amount of drama across the family.

[00:31:05] And would stress out my parents. They don't need that. It would also be a hassle to remove personal things my folks have there. That stuff has nowhere to go. And there would be wear and tear on the place. And I'm sure it would take some time on my part even though I'd use a manager to do it. Just not worth it to me. Next updates. Wrote most of this yesterday but decided to wait to post it until I wasn't so wound up. Waiting didn't work. I'm still wound up. Or if this ramble so much has happened.

[00:31:34] Hard to write coherently. Things have gone to hell. I really truly did not think anything like this would happen. Short version. My brother in law broke into my vacation home and were arrested. They've been charged with breaking and entering. Destruction of property. And communicating threats. All class one misdemeanors. I've refused to drop the charges. I might do so if I'm fully paid for the damage they caused. They were still in jail as of Saturday evening. I assume they're out by now. Things had settled down. At least I thought so.

[00:32:04] I haven't seen or heard from my sisters in over six weeks. My parents went up to their house for a week and had a good time. David, the property manager I hired, has worked out great. He's done a couple of repairs I asked him to do. And I've given him a list that he's going to work on. He usually sends a photo or two of wildlife or a sunset to his clients every week. It was kind of making me want to get up there. Friday after Thanksgiving, my brother-in-law's went to my vacation home.

[00:32:29] They used an angle grinder to cut through the chain on the driveway and damage the gate in the process. They tried to get in through the front door, ruin the lock set and gouged the door badly. They finally got in through the utility floor door and the locked internal door. They also broke into the barn. I'm not sure why. When they went out through the front door, they were met by sheriff's deputies and David. David gets notifications from the camera system when there's activity. He saw what was going on and called the sheriff's department.

[00:32:57] According to David, the brother-in-law tried to bullshit their way out of it, but the deputies didn't buy it. Breaking into an empty house is a pretty serious thing up here. Usually it's meth heads who ransack the place and hock everything. When the brother-in-law's were arrested, they freaked out big time. They were saying how they were going to beat the hell out of me, etc. Not smart to do in front of the cops. David and the sheriff's office tried calling my wife and me to see what we wanted to do,

[00:33:23] but we were spending the day with their parents and had left our phones in the cars so we could be in vacation mode. So they booked the brother-in-laws on everything, which is what I would have asked them to do anyway. Brother-in-law called their wife from jail, but of course freaked out. They called my folks, tried to call me. They're blocked. Tried to find a lawyer up there to arrange bail. Not easy to do given that it's a rural area and was a holiday weekend.

[00:33:49] Older sister has zero cash and her cards are maxed, so if they made bail, my middle sister would have to pay for both husbands. I know they're in jail as of Saturday afternoon. We didn't check our phones until late Friday on our way home from the in-laws. There are a ton of calls and messages from my mom, dad, David and the sheriff's department. Talk about ruining a great day. I was in such a good mood till I looked at my phone. My wife read through the texts and listened to the messages.

[00:34:16] Read them out to me and by the time we got home, I had some idea of what was going on. I put my brain back into thinking mode. Tried to get past my anger. Failed. Called David and got the rundown on what happened and how bad the damage was, resulting in more anger. I ended Friday by calling the sheriff's department and telling them there was no misunderstanding. My brother-in-laws had absolutely no right to be on my property and I wanted to press charges. I didn't call my folks back.

[00:34:45] Barely slept. I waited until Saturday afternoon to call my folks. They were both pretty rattled about it all. My mom in particular. My sisters had browbeat them into telling me that I should tell the cops it was all a mistake and that I wanted the charges dropped. I refused flat out. Told them there was no way I'd do that until I spoke with an attorney and also not until I was paid in full for whatever it will cost to fix everything 100%.

[00:35:11] My mom was crying hard by the time we got off the phone, which of course made me feel like shit. My dad suggested it was time for a complete start over, but also said he thought they needed to pay for the damage. I haven't gone up to the property yet. There's nothing I can do and I'll probably go nuts when I see the damage in person. The photos are bad enough. I'm hoping that tomorrow or Wednesday, but my job isn't one I can just wander off from for non emergencies.

[00:35:37] I've left messages with two attorney friends asking them to recommend the right lawyers to go to after my sisters and brother-in-laws. I don't know what I can do exactly, but I'm hoping to get restraining orders. I have all the texts they've sent me that might help. I'm strongly considering suing them for the money they made renting the place. I don't care about the cash, but it will help make them as miserable as possible. The gloves are definitely off at this point. A couple of side notes.

[00:36:03] Brother-in-laws had no idea I'd hired someone to keep an eye on things or that there are cameras there now. My parents knew, but hadn't told them because they knew it would just give my sisters a reason to drama up. There are signs on the property stating it's being monitored with cameras and no trespassing signs though. My wife has completely had it at this point. I don't blame her. She's been more than patient about it all. That reached her limit and was not shy about letting me know. She told me it's up to me how I deal with this,

[00:36:31] but she thought they all needed to be taught a hard lesson. Older brother-in-law likely won't face any repercussions about his job over this, but middle brother-in-law has a security clearance so he might. I'm hoping that it will be motivation for middle brother-in-law to pay for the damages himself immediately. David, the caretaker, has an interesting background. I knew he was friends with some of the deputies. I figured it was because they were all locals. I was wrong. He was a cop in a big city for years.

[00:37:00] He was shot on duty and afterwards decided to quit and moved to where his parents had retired. He had some PTSD over it all. His dog is a certified service animal and is usually with him. I know law enforcement people tend to hang together. I guess that's how they became his friend group. I don't want to see or speak with these a-holes for the rest of my life. I know this is in direct conflict with my overwhelming urge to make their lives as miserable as possible. And then there was a relevant comment on this one that said,

[00:37:28] A lot of people have said I should have been hard assed about all this from day one. I've avoided it because it would have stressed out my parents and I hate this kind of drama, but F it. They're stressed out now. My wife has pretty much opted out of any more to do with this. Doesn't want to hear about it for a while and says it's in my lap. She leaves off on that, but I'm guessing she's not going to get involved from now on other than listen to me blow off steam. Edits. Regarding why they broke in.

[00:37:55] Conjecture on my part, but I think they were planning on using it for family getaways and or renting it out again. According to David, the property manager, is the year season through the end of the year. I know the brother-in-laws have used it in the past as base camp for big group hunting weeks. It sleeps quite a few people, so one event with friends could net them thousands of dollars. Again, I'm guessing here, but that would explain why they broke into the barn as well. I bought a six-seater mule a few years back, but they would want to use that.

[00:38:23] I don't think they wanted to trash the place. It means too much to my dad and they both like him a lot. Opie then updates five days later. It says December 2nd, 2023, Saturday. I didn't think I'd be doing another post this soon, but a lot has happened over the past two days. Short version, I think the corner has turned on this crap. Thursday afternoon, I get a career-delivered envelope at my office. It was a signed letter from both my brother-in-laws and a cashier's check for $5,000.

[00:38:53] In the letter they made what I have to say was a really sincere apology. Among other things, they acknowledged breaking in. Acknowledged it was wrong. Said the $5,000 was to pay for the damage and they'd pay more if the cost was more than that. Also said they'd stay away from the vacation home unless my wife and I specifically invited them. They also asked that I do what I could to get the charges dropped as soon as possible because they both could lose their jobs. And that they'd agree to a restraining order or whatever else it took for that to happen.

[00:39:22] There was more as well. All conciliatory, but that's the gist of it. To say this was a shock is an understatement. It was, obviously, a total 180 from their past behavior. I'd already made an appointment with an attorney to see about suing my brother-in-laws over the damage and to try to get a restraining order. I called him and told him what I'd just received and he agreed to meet with me at the end of the day instead of next week. He told me not to deposit the check. We met for about two hours.

[00:39:50] He ended up recommending the wife and I do a settlement and mutual release agreement with all four of them, sisters and brother-in-laws. He said if we went after them via a lawsuit that would almost certainly win, but that it could take two years or more. There would be sizable upfront legal fees and that we might never see any money. He also said we could keep the $5,000 free and clear even if we didn't let them off the hook. He's drawing up the agreement. It won't be ready until Monday.

[00:40:18] The agreement will include what's essentially the civil equivalent of a restraining order. I already asked my property manager to work up a bid to get the damage repaired. I called him after the meeting and asked how they get me as close an estimate as possible ASAP. He got that Friday. He thinks it will take around $4,000 to fix everything. Most of that is for the front door. On Friday, my attorney contacted each of the brother-in-laws, told him what we were proposing and advised them to get their own lawyers.

[00:40:47] They both agreed to it. The middle brother-in-law told him they could afford to either pay for the damages or pay for a lawyer but not both. They figured a lawyer wouldn't make any difference given that they really had no defense for what they did. His biggest concern was if the charges could be dropped. From what I can tell, they're willing to do anything or sign anything to make this all go away. My attorney also called the DA's office on Friday to discuss dismissing the charges.

[00:41:14] He got the name of the prosecutor and left them a message but has not spoken to them yet. He thinks they dismissed the charges because the brother-in-laws are paying up and they have no priors but then again, he's not a criminal lawyer. Also said I should be prepared to drive up there Monday or Tuesday and tell the prosecutor in person that I want everything dismissed. He's also advised me to continue to be in no contact with sisters and brother-in-laws especially for the next six months and that it will be really important to follow the terms of agreement when it comes to future interactions with them.

[00:41:44] I'm guessing that the brother-in-laws change a heart is due to them having to figure out what's at stake for them, what it's going to cost them in legal fees and fines and so on. There's also the highly unlikely possibility that they could go to jail for up to 120 days. And as I've mentioned, one of them has a security clearance for his job that could be at risk. So there is the Hail Mary pass to keep their normal lives.

[00:42:08] This isn't a perfect resolution to the situation but at least it will get me past the legal and financial parts of the shit show that I've been in for the past few months. I doubt I'll ever have a civil relationship with any of them ever again and that's fine. What I want most at this point is to close this off, get on with my life and never speak to any of them again. I'm exhausted from this. Wife feels pretty much the same way.

[00:42:33] Kind of a side issue but getting the written apology was weirdly a huge moment for me. I wasn't particularly expecting that ever but apparently it matters to me quite a bit. The money doesn't feel particularly important at this moment. I'll damn sure take it though. Absolutely. Also, I'm pretty certain my middle sister and her husband came up with the money. The cashier's check is from the credit union of the company he works for. Once things are signed, I plan to make one more update. Probably just an edit to this post.

[00:43:02] I'm sorry for being so pedantic. Writing these posts has helped clear my head and the feedback has really helped. I truly appreciate everyone's comments, insights and support. And I really, really hope none of you ever have to go through this kind of nonsense. And the one relevant comment on this said, To be honest, when I finally got home Thursday night, I cried from relief thinking this might all be over. I'm not going to discuss the settlement with my folks until it's signed by everyone.

[00:43:30] My sisters and brother-in-laws can if they want but I'm not. It's between me and them. And then what OP titles is the final update, which came five days later and says,

[00:44:23] Short version, they came in and signed. I wasn't there. I'm told it was a pretty tense environment. That the middle brother-in-law appeared to have taken charge and that at one point, he told both of my sisters to shut the hell up where he was walking away from the whole thing. Making his own deal with us and the rest of them could all go to hell. They provided another cashier's check of $2,500. Claims that's all they had. Just close enough that we're going to accept it as the final payment.

[00:44:51] The attorney also told me that everyone was very cold and curt towards one another. But that they all managed to keep it together long enough to sign and left without making too big of a scene. I drove up to the vacation house early yesterday to check out the damage and meet with the DA's office. Seeing the damage made my blood boil. It was so senseless. I was so pissed that I was ready to eat the cost of the repairs and do everything I could to ruin their lives. Tried walking it off. Failed utterly.

[00:45:19] Ended up calling a good friend who was kind enough to stay on the phone for over an hour. Letting me spew and vent. He eventually got me back to focusing on the bigger picture. And putting this behind me and getting on with my life. Honestly, I'm still not sure that's what I want to do. But I settled down enough to get some food in me and I felt better. After lunch, I went to the DA's office. Hadn't made an appointment and had to wait a while. But got to meet with the assistant DA who's got the case.

[00:45:46] Short version is that since I don't want to prosecute and the brother-in-laws have already paid for the damages. That they are willing to drop all charges except trespassing. Which in this case will be a class 2 misdemeanor. The brother-in-laws will have to plead guilty and pay whatever the fine the judge says. I'm also told that if they fight the trespass in charge or ever so much as fart in public up there that it would go very poorly for them. It helped that the brother-in-laws didn't resist arrest.

[00:46:14] If they had, none of the charges would have been dropped. I also went by the sheriff's office to thank them for getting there so quickly and everything. Wanted to thank the deputies personally but only spoke to the dispatch person. And I tried to meet up with David, the property manager, but couldn't get a hold of him. A couple of notes. The agreement includes a no contact clause. Basically if any of them show up where my wife and I are, or the other way around, whoever got their last has to leave immediately.

[00:46:41] No contact except through attorneys or other mutually agreed upon third parties. They get to keep whatever they made from renting the vacation house. My big give. Unless I have tax consequences, which they will be responsible for. And we release each other from all other liabilities up through the present. There's more to it than that, but those are the high points. Wife and I will sign the agreement later today. After that, I can't talk about most of this, but I can talk around it.

[00:47:09] I think this is my final update regarding all this nonsense. But I'll respond to comments if I can. As I've said before, posting about all this and reading folks' thoughts and responses has been really helpful. And has probably been keen and able to handle this in a relatively healthy way. So thank you all again. And then there were some more relevant comments from the OP who said, I had a hard time not being vindictive, but right now I'm glad I wasn't. If they cause more drama down the road, I'll probably regret it.

[00:47:38] But if they follow the agreement, that won't happen. The family dynamics are, like you said, pretty much fucked. I've only told my parents that we're trying to work things out, nothing more. They may or may not be okay with the way things will be moving forward, but I had to do what was best for my wife and I. I'm guessing that my sisters have told them a very slanted version. That's one more turd, I'll have to swim around.

[00:48:03] Really, the agreement is more of a formalization of how things have been for the last few months. I know it's not how my folks wanted things to go, but I'm pretty happy with it. Someone says, have your sisters ever shown this level of entitlement before? OP says, not really. Not towards me anyway. We used to be okay. Never very close, but not enemies. Looking back, they started to resent me when I bought a loft when I was 25. At that point, neither of them owned a home, but both of them met their future husbands.

[00:48:33] They definitely didn't like that I got a place before they did. It got worse when I met my wife. They didn't like that she was part of a wealthy family, especially since I was doing pretty well by then myself. They accused me of being elitist and such. When we got married, I moved in with my wife. The condo was close to where she was doing her fellowship. And I sold the loft. Our wedding was fancy but reasonable, but the sisters were definitely envious about it.

[00:48:59] After that, they and their husbands got pretty petty, and we started minimalizing our involvement with them. The profit from selling the loft. Being frugal and not having a house payment are what enabled me to buy the vacation home for my parents. My folks were okay with hiding the fact that I owned it instead of them, because they knew my sisters would be bitchy about it. And say that I was using my wife's money. I didn't. Most of our finances are separate. Though it definitely helped that I didn't have a house payment.

[00:49:28] Up until this crap started, I actually thought we were okay in the general sense. Our daily lives were and are very different, and I can't pretend I enjoy being around them for more than half a day. But I didn't think they hated me. I did know that both sisters had become pretty spoiled and entitled, but it wasn't my concern. And I didn't have any real conflicts with my brother-in-law either. Just almost nothing in common with them. I guess that's a long-winded way of saying I didn't know they were all such assholes.

[00:49:58] And OP's final thought on the matter that says, my small fantasy at this point is that I never hear from them again. And just think, this all started from some kids trying to push OP in the pool. And let's face it, it wasn't about that to begin with. It was about assholes really. That was just what lit the fuse on this matter.

[00:50:20] I think there was always something down the road that was going to escalate that was going to cause this level of entitlement, this behavior and things to escalate to this point. And there's a part of me, and I don't know if I'm right or wrong in this matter, but as I was reading it, I was losing sort of sympathy for the parents through it. You know, OP was kind enough to get this holiday house that they can stay in whenever they want. You know, OP looked after it. They didn't have to do nothing. They just turned up to this place. And I commend them for looking after their parents.

[00:50:50] But at the point where they went, you know, we don't want to look after it no more. It's back onto you. You're dealing with it, et cetera. And although at points the parents did seem to act on the brother-in-laws and the sisters behavior in this, it didn't seem like they was doing very, very much in the background. It was still like, they think that one day the family's all going to get back together and all this, when it clearly wasn't.

[00:51:14] It sounds like they knew about the dislike towards OP from the sisters in this, but it continued to happen. So, you know, I was losing sympathy through that. I'm not sure how you felt about that, but it certainly rubbed me the wrong way. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. Holy moly. What a rollercoaster. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:51:44] So thank you so, so much for being involved. And hopefully I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love. It's a long video.