Family Is Angry For Revoking My Invitation To Host My Cousins Wedding At Our House r/Relationships

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[00:00:55] Today's first story comes from unhappy cell 1143 and it says would I be the asshole here

[00:01:02] refusing to host my cousin's wedding reception at my house.

[00:01:06] I 24 female got married very recently to my husband 28 male.

[00:01:11] About a year before we got married we purchased our first home.

[00:01:15] We did extensive renovations on the house and put a lot of thought, time, care and

[00:01:20] money into it.

[00:01:21] It is our dream home, sanctuary a forever home we don't plan to let go of.

[00:01:27] My cousin 33 female recently got engaged and is going to get married this year.

[00:01:32] She and I are very different in personality so we have never been close.

[00:01:37] Our families however could not be closer.

[00:01:40] A dad and mine are brothers.

[00:01:43] Some background she and her husband 33 male both currently live with their respective

[00:01:47] partners.

[00:01:49] She was pursuing a nursing degree but left the program.

[00:01:52] She is not working right now but her husband works.

[00:01:55] I don't know how much he makes but it's an average income job.

[00:01:59] I mention this because they want to throw a big extravagant wedding.

[00:02:03] I have my personal opinion about this but I also understand that my opinion doesn't

[00:02:07] matter.

[00:02:08] It's their wedding, their life.

[00:02:11] I've never voiced anything other than a congratulations on the engagement.

[00:02:15] The issue is when there is an expectation that family should help them achieve this.

[00:02:19] I eloped with my husband and while we didn't have a public wedding, we did throw an intimate

[00:02:24] reception on our new property.

[00:02:26] We live in a very quiet, scenic rural area on a small acreage.

[00:02:31] It is private and thoughtfully landscaped.

[00:02:33] We have a natural pond and our property is surrounded by the woods.

[00:02:38] We chose not to disturb the land around us too much so some of the property line

[00:02:42] is in the woods.

[00:02:44] All this to say it's not a lot of spaces that seem like a acreage and also to say

[00:02:49] without a doubt it made for a very nice outdoor venue.

[00:02:53] I understand the appeal but the key difference is we had a small wedding reception.

[00:02:59] My cousin wants a big AT plus guest swan.

[00:03:03] Still, I decided to hear my cousin out.

[00:03:06] I didn't know at the time how big she wanted a reception to be.

[00:03:09] I was placed under the impression that it would be like ours.

[00:03:13] I invited my cousin over and she and I talked about how I set up my reception.

[00:03:18] I gave her kind of an outline she could use including all the catering, decor, florist etc.

[00:03:24] I made her a meticulous package on Google Docs and shared it with her.

[00:03:29] She seemed to agree with everything I was saying with a smile.

[00:03:32] I told her my husband is away for three weeks and I will be gone for a week as well

[00:03:36] and if she wants she is welcome to do some planning just give me a heads up.

[00:03:41] I always give my mum access to my home just in case especially since both my husband and

[00:03:46] I travel a lot.

[00:03:47] My mum texts me if my cousin can come in with someone to plan seating arrangements outside.

[00:03:51] I told her as long as she, my mum is present to oversee then they can come.

[00:03:56] That's when I learned through my mum that she is planning an AT plus guest wedding and

[00:04:00] extending the reception into our house which I explicitly said in person and in my Google

[00:04:05] Docs is off limits.

[00:04:08] My mum told her she cannot talk with the organiser inside of the home and that owners have not

[00:04:12] given permission.

[00:04:14] This upset my cousin.

[00:04:16] When the organiser left she became very upset and stormed out on bad terms.

[00:04:21] A mother then called my mother to complain ruthlessly about me.

[00:04:24] I just got back today and I am told I am being accused of being spoiled, selfish

[00:04:29] and small hearted.

[00:04:32] None of these accusations feel warranted.

[00:04:35] I talked to my husband about what happened and he told me the bride and her family are

[00:04:38] being disrespectful towards me and as such they do not deserve to host in our home altogether.

[00:04:44] He said he would revoke the invitation himself.

[00:04:47] I told him to let me think about it, how to best proceed.

[00:04:50] Would it be wrong to go back on my word and tell her I can't host a reception?

[00:04:55] It will cause her problems but it's not my problem.

[00:04:59] Here is where I feel a bit arsehole-y.

[00:05:01] Edit.

[00:05:02] They are now offering to cut down the guest list but I feel like the trust is no longer

[00:05:06] there.

[00:05:07] And their sudden animosity towards me makes me hesitant to put my home and self-respect

[00:05:11] at risk just to appease extended family members.

[00:05:14] I don't believe they will follow through with their promises or honor the boundaries

[00:05:18] I have set.

[00:05:19] I feel like I was misled and the false pretenses into agreeing in the first place.

[00:05:24] Who we?

[00:05:26] Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation.

[00:05:28] Perhaps in one too many of these stories where this is going to be a disaster if you let her

[00:05:33] use this house at all.

[00:05:36] And like you said, and like I say with many of these stories the trust is gone.

[00:05:40] Once that trust is gone, you know that's it really isn't it?

[00:05:43] And we're usually saying that in like relationship based stories like affairs and all that

[00:05:48] kind of stuff but it absolutely works here as well.

[00:05:51] And then they have the cheek to call you spoiled, selfish and small hearted.

[00:05:57] Why would you give anything to these people after that?

[00:06:00] The generosity that you've already shown offering for have a small wedding or a small reception

[00:06:07] at their place.

[00:06:08] And you're just having that thrown back in your face.

[00:06:10] But in the comments, Flo Mojo-Blo says agree 110% with your husband, revoke the invitation

[00:06:17] and be done with it.

[00:06:18] Entitled cousin has champagne taste on a beer budget.

[00:06:21] No matter what you do she's going to be hateful.

[00:06:24] So set her free.

[00:06:27] Big bro TKD says not the arsehole and in the discussions did she ever mention who would

[00:06:31] be responsible for the cleanup?

[00:06:33] I'm sure they'd leave it for you and your husband.

[00:06:36] The cleanup alone is enough to not let the reception in your house.

[00:06:39] OP says you are so right.

[00:06:41] I feel like she didn't even read my document because once I agreed she had maybe this

[00:06:46] secret plan was to do what she wants.

[00:06:49] OK reply says not the arsehole.

[00:06:51] Who the fuck is she talking about?

[00:06:53] She thinks she can be rude to you and use your home as a venue.

[00:06:56] Just say you need to have your venue somewhere else then block her and her mum and tell your

[00:07:01] mum that you don't want to hear anything from or about them.

[00:07:04] It's not rude even though she deserves rude.

[00:07:06] It's not long.

[00:07:07] It doesn't have an unnecessary explanation.

[00:07:10] It's just what she needs to do while also conveying the message that you won't be

[00:07:14] hosting.

[00:07:15] Forget regret one day says girl let your husband take out the trashy relatives.

[00:07:20] This is just one thing she would demand you give in and the list would go on and

[00:07:24] on higher than you can count.

[00:07:26] She thinks what she orders hers to take period this needs to be shut down fast and hard or

[00:07:31] your sanctuary would end up being destroyed.

[00:07:33] She has no respect or boundaries and this is never going to work.

[00:07:38] You would not be the arsehole here but I sincerely suggest having your husband handle

[00:07:41] it.

[00:07:42] You don't need to witness the massive temper tantrum she's going to throw when

[00:07:45] she finds out she's not getting a free venue out of you.

[00:07:49] Tough for her is nobody's responsibility to pay for or donate to a wedding she can't

[00:07:53] afford.

[00:07:54] Opie says thank you.

[00:07:56] I think I needed to hear this.

[00:07:57] I feel guilty for backing out of providing a venue last minute but I am now secure about

[00:08:03] my stance.

[00:08:04] I have started to offer to decrease the number of guests but I'm over it now.

[00:08:08] Too much disrespect and lack of honesty in the beginning to ever see this thing through

[00:08:12] for her.

[00:08:13] Your suggestion is precisely the way to go.

[00:08:16] Husband will gladly handle it.

[00:08:18] He knows no one will question him.

[00:08:20] If it comes from him then I doubt her family can push back.

[00:08:23] She wouldn't dare to throw a tantrum in his presence and maybe they will stop trying to

[00:08:27] bypass the decision by directing their complaints at my poor mum.

[00:08:31] Right now they are bothering her with daily phone calls because what I said holds no value

[00:08:36] apparently.

[00:08:37] Why am I spidey senses telling me that they're going to turn up at Opie's house at some

[00:08:42] point but Opie's got a couple of updates.

[00:08:44] The first update says I was encouraged to make an update.

[00:08:47] I'm not sure how updates are done if it's supposed to be a new post or not so apologies

[00:08:51] if I did it wrong.

[00:08:52] I'm just copying what I saw someone else do.

[00:08:55] Please click here to view the original post.

[00:08:57] Some clarification of the venue.

[00:08:59] We have a carriage house next to our main house.

[00:09:02] In between the two buildings is a courtyard.

[00:09:05] The reception would have been held in this courtyard as well as in the carriage house

[00:09:09] for an indoor slash outdoor feel.

[00:09:11] The weather where we live is not an issue.

[00:09:14] The house burn was even going to shrink market lights between the two buildings.

[00:09:17] We have a very large finished bathroom in the carriage house that would have been for

[00:09:21] the guests.

[00:09:22] I was also going to utilize the mud room of the main house which has another bathroom

[00:09:27] for guests with easy access from the courtyard.

[00:09:30] The mud room has good separation from the main part of the house mostly by a large

[00:09:34] breezeway.

[00:09:35] We have a long drive that leads to the house so parking would have not been

[00:09:39] an issue either.

[00:09:41] Not all this to say the setup would have been perfect for a small reception.

[00:09:45] We would have thoughtfully taken care of it all.

[00:09:48] We had no issues when my husband and I hosted our own wedding reception.

[00:09:52] I love hosting and went into this genuinely happy to host but it was always based

[00:09:57] on the understanding that my cousin's reception would be the same size and scale

[00:10:01] as ours.

[00:10:02] Small and intimate.

[00:10:04] She never corrected me when I explained capacity.

[00:10:07] I sent her my notes and stuff from my reception.

[00:10:09] It had seating plans too.

[00:10:11] I think she always had the intention of securing my home as a venue and then doing what she

[00:10:15] wanted with it hoping to get it done in my absence.

[00:10:20] When she realized my mum would supervise her visit to my house while I was away

[00:10:23] the plan fell apart and landed us where it did.

[00:10:27] After my mum caught my cousin trying to arrange seating for guests way over the

[00:10:30] approved capacity my cousin's family started to slander me for shutting her ideas

[00:10:35] down.

[00:10:36] I felt called a lot of things.

[00:10:38] I am absolutely not.

[00:10:40] This included jealous and sabotage, not being accommodating last minute.

[00:10:45] Their behavior towards me and their entitlement over our home angered my husband

[00:10:50] who was still away.

[00:10:51] I talked to Dave with him and we decided I should not host my cousin's reception.

[00:10:56] My cousin and her family tried to bargain with my mother.

[00:10:59] Their attempt to bypass my no.

[00:11:01] They even tried to hide their phone numbers to trick my mum into answering.

[00:11:06] My cousin and her family began bullying my poor mother to convince me to accept the

[00:11:09] smaller guest list.

[00:11:11] Still over capacity by the way.

[00:11:13] All this time they went for my mother.

[00:11:15] My phone stayed silent.

[00:11:18] I called my cousin to stop harassing my mother because I am firming my decision to no longer

[00:11:22] host her.

[00:11:23] The trust is not there and their behavior makes me not want to host them.

[00:11:28] She blew up on me during this conversation expressing that I will be single-handedly

[00:11:32] botching the wedding.

[00:11:34] If I back out of providing her a reception venue and that I am cruel for not being able

[00:11:38] to do this one thing for her during a once in a lifetime milestone.

[00:11:43] She told me to just please see things from my perspective and think about it.

[00:11:48] I told my husband I'm tired of the cousin and her family not taking my no for an answer.

[00:11:53] I've been respectfully direct but they keep trying to persuade me and it's very

[00:11:57] exhausting.

[00:11:58] I know they are only saying things to get me to say yes but they will likely

[00:12:01] not honor any of it.

[00:12:03] He said he will take care of it.

[00:12:06] He called my cousin and told her he will not be hosting her and a disrespect towards me

[00:12:11] will also not be tolerated.

[00:12:13] He told her I was always clear on capacity and the tantrum she and her family are throwing

[00:12:17] is because they hope to trick me into allowing a bigger reception than I approved.

[00:12:22] For the failure of that she only has herself to blame.

[00:12:25] She started crying and asked my husband if she could throw a smaller reception

[00:12:29] at the approved capacity.

[00:12:30] My husband said we are way past negotiation.

[00:12:33] We will not allow it, not even if I ask him to.

[00:12:36] I know he said this to give me an out and I appreciate it a lot.

[00:12:41] He told my cousin not to contact me or my mother about this request again because

[00:12:45] he will be the one they have to answer to from now on.

[00:12:48] They haven't called or text but my cousin tried to DM me on Instagram and my husband

[00:12:53] sent her a voice note from my account in the chat so I think she will stop now.

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[00:13:51] Someone asks Opie in the comments on that post about

[00:13:55] were they going to be contributing any of the money to host them basically?

[00:13:58] And Opie said sorry for not including that.

[00:14:00] The Groom and Bright's family were paying for everything

[00:14:03] except for a few things my husband kindly offered to pay for.

[00:14:06] One of these things was hiring Valet to handle parking but that was something he wanted to

[00:14:10] do to protect us and our property.

[00:14:13] But I know he would have generously offered to cover to help, the event run smoothly.

[00:14:17] This was supposed to be a 40 people max event.

[00:14:19] She tried to bring in over double that.

[00:14:22] And you know fair play to that husband for stepping in and shutting that shit

[00:14:26] down quickly.

[00:14:28] Sounds like he takes no prisoners.

[00:14:30] I particularly enjoyed the bit where it said that she asked the husband if she could throw

[00:14:34] a smaller reception at their approved capacity and your husband was like nah,

[00:14:37] we're passing negotiation now.

[00:14:39] I will not allow it.

[00:14:41] You shall not pass.

[00:14:43] Not sure what all the Lord of the Rings stuff is about recently is in my head.

[00:14:49] Opie comes in with a final update that says this will be my final update regarding

[00:14:54] this issue.

[00:14:55] I will keep it short.

[00:14:57] My cousin ended up having a wedding reception at a different relatives property.

[00:15:01] This is going to be a shit show, you know it.

[00:15:03] I did not attend and neither did my husband.

[00:15:06] This is because during the time between us saying no and her still looking for an

[00:15:10] alternative venue, she made an extremely racist remark about my husband.

[00:15:15] Along with that in a group chat screenshot that was sent to me, she called him exact

[00:15:20] quotes controlling a tall motherfucking tyrant and miscegen and a misogynistic fucker.

[00:15:27] All of this because my husband was zero tolerance about her entitled behavior and

[00:15:31] would not let her go around him.

[00:15:33] I decided to boycott the wedding.

[00:15:35] I did not want to celebrate with her.

[00:15:37] I've also got no contact with her family.

[00:15:41] During all this, only my uncle, her father, apologized for my cousin's

[00:15:45] bridesaler behavior.

[00:15:47] My cousin and her mother are continued to remain firm on the fact that I am

[00:15:50] an ungenerous and cold-hearted person who doesn't help family.

[00:15:54] Family!

[00:15:56] But family!

[00:15:58] I have a small heart, basically.

[00:16:01] I've urged my mum to do the same.

[00:16:02] No contact.

[00:16:04] I will leave it up to her own discretion.

[00:16:06] About 110 people showed up to my cousin's reception party.

[00:16:10] From what I hear, people were peeing in the bushes and stuff.

[00:16:14] Lots of littering, some property damage and someone injured themselves

[00:16:18] warranting an ER trip lighting firecrackers.

[00:16:22] I think some parking violations also happen, which there are fines.

[00:16:26] I think that's all.

[00:16:27] End of update.

[00:16:29] PSA, I highly recommend you don't ever host anyone's reception wedding.

[00:16:33] It's honestly not worth it as they're a whole different beast.

[00:16:37] I love to host small dinner parties, soirees and events.

[00:16:41] But this was kind of eye-opening and I realized how out of my depth

[00:16:44] and naive I was to have ever said yes.

[00:16:48] Are you guys ever blown away?

[00:16:50] Like, what goes through their heads?

[00:16:53] I know we've sat together and we've listened and talked about

[00:16:56] a lot of stories together.

[00:16:57] And, you know, of course, most of the time

[00:17:00] they're always going to be the worst of the worst

[00:17:02] because that's why they come to Reddit.

[00:17:03] Occasionally we get wholesome ones, right?

[00:17:05] But the majority, there's always some kind of drama going on.

[00:17:08] But still, like, whilst recording, I pause and I think,

[00:17:12] what was going through their head?

[00:17:14] How do they think?

[00:17:15] What is coming out of their mouth?

[00:17:17] What's spilling out of their mouth?

[00:17:19] Do they think is acceptable?

[00:17:21] They got told that, yes, they can host this wedding

[00:17:24] but it has to be like a max of 40 people

[00:17:26] because the land can't host any more.

[00:17:29] And their first thought says, you know,

[00:17:30] fuck that, we'll do it behind their back.

[00:17:32] It's like why?

[00:17:33] Why would you do that?

[00:17:35] But I guess entitled people are going to entitle people,

[00:17:37] right?

[00:17:38] But anyway, what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:17:42] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:17:45] Have you ever had a similar situation?

[00:17:47] Anyone ever wanted to host a wedding on your land?

[00:17:49] Let us know.

[00:17:51] And let's move on to another story.

[00:17:53] And all of this just reminded me

[00:17:55] about how wild entitled people were.

[00:17:56] So I was straight over onto that summer

[00:17:58] and I was like, oh, give me a little bit more of this.

[00:18:01] Sunflower 971 and they was talking about,

[00:18:03] I saw a neighbor in the title

[00:18:05] and I was like, I gotta read this.

[00:18:06] Let's read it together.

[00:18:07] Let's find out what this is all about.

[00:18:09] Neighbor helped herself to other people's stuff.

[00:18:12] Several years ago, I heard my sweet neighbor

[00:18:15] and another woman arguing on the sidewalk.

[00:18:17] I looked closer and noticed they were both

[00:18:19] pulling a plant pot in different directions

[00:18:21] and about to fight.

[00:18:23] No clue what was up, but knew my neighbor.

[00:18:26] If she was arguing, she was right.

[00:18:28] Me and my husband went over to intervene.

[00:18:31] My husband wanted to help make peace.

[00:18:33] Me?

[00:18:34] I was going to help my neighbor, no questions asked.

[00:18:37] Why the argument?

[00:18:38] The other woman was a new neighbor.

[00:18:40] Our nice neighbor noticed her plant pots were missing

[00:18:43] when the new neighbor's yard.

[00:18:45] Yep, new neighbor had stolen nice neighbor's plants,

[00:18:48] plant pots, plant pots and yard decor

[00:18:52] and decorated a yard with it.

[00:18:54] My nice neighbor had hand painted several pots

[00:18:56] that were in a yard.

[00:18:57] Thus they were easy to identify as hers.

[00:19:00] We all walked over to the new neighbor's yard

[00:19:02] to get our other neighbors stuff back.

[00:19:05] When we got to the new neighbor's yard,

[00:19:06] we noticed several things look both weird

[00:19:08] and very familiar.

[00:19:10] Oh yeah, and the new neighbor had called the cops on us

[00:19:13] or at least someone did.

[00:19:15] Anyway, the new neighbor had planted patches

[00:19:18] of different types of grass all over the yard

[00:19:21] in checkerboard pattern,

[00:19:23] as well as mismatched shrubs and flowers.

[00:19:25] I looked at our house a little closer.

[00:19:27] Yep, we were missing grass patches

[00:19:29] from the side of the house and one of our shrubs.

[00:19:32] When the police arrived, the new neighbor was adamant

[00:19:35] the plants, pots, grass, shrubs

[00:19:37] and yard decor were hers.

[00:19:39] She informed the cops, she dug them up from other yards

[00:19:42] in the middle of the night and planted them.

[00:19:44] Yep, she claimed, find us keepers, didn't quite work out.

[00:19:49] My nice neighbor insisted on pressing charges

[00:19:51] for petite theft and destruction of property.

[00:19:54] We just dug up our grass patches and replanted them.

[00:19:57] Some of them even survived it.

[00:19:59] Noisy neighbors kept walking by

[00:20:00] after the new neighbor was arrested.

[00:20:03] As we were digging things up, we explained why to them.

[00:20:06] Neighbors kept recognizing their stuff from a yard.

[00:20:08] One neighbor asked if we'd seen a picnic table

[00:20:11] as he was missing.

[00:20:12] We hadn't thought to check the backyard.

[00:20:14] Yep, picnic table and a yard full of her finders,

[00:20:18] keepers hall.

[00:20:19] She moved pretty much right afterwards

[00:20:21] and we didn't miss her.

[00:20:23] Edit for those pointing out it's petty

[00:20:25] and not petite theft.

[00:20:27] Thank you.

[00:20:28] However, petite theft is corrected by Florida law.

[00:20:31] Yes, this happened in Florida.

[00:20:33] It might explain a lot.

[00:20:35] Florida law section A12.014.

[00:20:39] Teet theft is defined as when a person steals property

[00:20:41] from another person or business value

[00:20:43] that less than $750.

[00:20:46] Now, as always, not excusing the behavior,

[00:20:49] absolutely right in everything O.P. did here.

[00:20:52] I can't help but feel there's something mentally

[00:20:55] not quite right with this person,

[00:20:57] undiagnosed mental illness.

[00:20:58] I'm not a doctor.

[00:21:00] This doesn't scream right in my head.

[00:21:02] You're gonna take your neighbors,

[00:21:04] garden decor from their front garden

[00:21:06] and you're gonna put it in your front garden

[00:21:09] where everybody can bloody see

[00:21:11] that you've just moved it from A to B.

[00:21:13] Even squares of grass, what the fuck?

[00:21:17] I just had this image.

[00:21:18] Can you imagine walking down this street

[00:21:20] and you're like, you're stood outside this neighbor's house

[00:21:23] with all this stolen shit in their front garden

[00:21:26] and you're looking to the garden over to the left

[00:21:28] and the garden to the right

[00:21:28] and they're just like squares of grass missing

[00:21:31] in each of their garden

[00:21:32] like bits of mud where the plant pots were

[00:21:35] and just in the middle,

[00:21:36] there's just this load of shit in the middle,

[00:21:37] plant pots, plants, brand new grass everywhere

[00:21:42] and either side, the garden's like some sort

[00:21:44] of Mad Max landscape

[00:21:46] and then she tried the old finder's keepers to the cops.

[00:21:49] Oh, dearie, dearie me.

[00:21:51] That is some craziness.

[00:21:53] Anyway, what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:58] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:22:02] Have you ever had an entitled neighbor?

[00:22:04] Neighbor related drama, r slash mark narrations.

[00:22:08] Throw it over there.

[00:22:09] You know I love a bit of it

[00:22:10] and just a huge thank you for being with me today.

[00:22:13] Getting involved in the stories,

[00:22:14] your love, your support, your time

[00:22:17] always means the absolute world to me.

[00:22:18] So thank you so, so much

[00:22:19] and hopefully I will see you in the next one.

[00:22:22] Take care and much love.

[00:22:25] Yeah man, I remember being so naive

[00:22:27] when life was good, what everything I need

[00:22:35] you played me like a fool when you made me believe

[00:22:38] that the line between love was ridiculous to read

[00:22:40] or you see we in the despair, crime everywhere

[00:22:43] you're selling false hope cause you just don't care

[00:22:46] not, uh, you just don't care

[00:22:49] not, not, you just don't, just don't care

[00:22:52] you just don't, still selling false hope

[00:22:55] cause you just don't care

[00:22:56] house, house, house, feel, feel

[00:22:58] if we talking to a uniform who the real real

[00:23:01] you know we in the deep south so let's keep it

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