Ex-Wife Married My BEST FRIEND And It's Ruining Everything r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. If you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that like subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:17] story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from sewingseasonyear from the relationshipadvice subreddit and says Ex-wife 38F married my 37M best friend 35M. It's killing me and destroyed my marriage. I 37M have been with my wife 26F for 5 years and married 4 years. We are 3 kids from our

[00:00:44] previous relationships, 2 boys and 1 girl between the ages of 5 and 8. I really love her and her kids. Things were perfect until 3 or 4 months ago. I've had 3 big promotions in 5 years. We bought a house last year. She stays home with the kids and is trying to

[00:01:01] make a social media career happen. I've always been on the fence about having kids but she really wanted us to have one together so I agreed to try to have my vasectomy reversed. She is 7 months pregnant now. We were so fucking happy.

[00:01:16] My ex-wife 38F divorced me in 2019 and moved about 2 hours away a few months into the pandemic. Our divorce was amicable but once it was finalized I never heard from her again, even when I

[00:01:29] would wish her well on birthdays and holidays. I even sent her a graduation gift when I heard that she finished her PhD program. Other people in our social circle including my parents and sister-in-law who sent her a gift received handwritten thank you cards. I didn't get

[00:01:45] so much as a text. My ex-wife is a really kind and thoughtful person and the woman I knew would have at least sent a thank you text if her worst enemy sent her a gift. Even though we broke up I didn't think she hated me.

[00:01:59] My best friend 35M and I were best friends since college. He's the best person I know and at least 10 people think he's the best person I know and at least 10 people think

[00:02:09] he's their best friend. But he said I was his always. We kind of lost touch during the pandemic. We live 2 hours apart and he is a lawyer and teaches classes at a university

[00:02:19] so he is really busy. I have a really busy career and a new wife and 3 kids. I didn't really realize that the texts between us were fewer and that the last time he finally replied

[00:02:30] to me was in late 2021. He also falls off the face of the earth when he gets with a new girl and then when things cool off we all hear from him more. We have always been

[00:02:39] the kind of friends that could go on extended periods of time without communicating and pick up right where we left off. I kept saying that I would eventually call him when things were less busy.

[00:02:50] My wife and I went to visit the city he and my ex-wife live in last summer for a week and I tried calling him a couple of times to meet up but he never answered. I was sad

[00:02:59] but just figured he was busy with work or obsessed with a new girlfriend. I have other friends there so I got to see them. Then I went to the city again by myself in October

[00:03:09] for a Halloween party. I figured he'd be at this party and I was psyched that I'd get to see him then. He was there. When I went to say hi and hug him he looked a little

[00:03:18] surprised and gave me a weak hug. I told him that I was there during the summer and tried calling him so we could hang out. He just said yeah I was on my honeymoon that week

[00:03:27] sorry I didn't get back to you. I was really shocked to see that he got married and a little hurt that my best friend got married without me even knowing he had a serious girlfriend

[00:03:37] but still happy for him. Like I said he was a great guy and girls love him. I spit out a rush of questions like who is she, where is she, what's her name, what's

[00:03:47] she like, where'd you meet her, how long have you been together. He paused for a moment and then just bluntly said it's ex wife's name. My ex wife doesn't have a unique

[00:03:57] name or anything but it isn't the most common name either and instantly I knew that it was her. I can't describe how it felt to hear those two words come out of his mouth. I felt

[00:04:08] sick to my stomach and I immediately wanted to die. I've never felt like that before, I just said wtf and he told me that I didn't get to be mad because I broke her heart and

[00:04:19] they didn't start dating until 2 years after we got divorced and that I chose to be with some waitress anyway. I drank the rest of the weekend because it was the only way I was

[00:04:28] able to sleep. I feel betrayed by both of them. My best friend since I was 20 years old married my ex wife behind my back. I was married to her for 6 years and they were never even

[00:04:40] friends and now they're in love with each other. I also found out that he talks shit about my current wife and me behind my back and never liked her. I went back home and

[00:04:49] I know that I was distant with my wife and the kids because I was just hurting so much. After a couple of weeks we had a big fight and she called me out on being distant and

[00:04:58] accused me of cheating. I finally came clean and told her about my ex and my best friend which she scoffed about and said she had known about them for a long time now because of

[00:05:07] social media. I flew into a rage and we fought for hours. She betrayed me by not telling me the entire time she knew. She didn't say anything when I mentioned my best friend not

[00:05:18] returning my calls or messages. I didn't get to sleep before going to work and after work I just stayed with my parents for a few days. When I finally went back home we got

[00:05:27] into another fight where she accused me of still being in love with my ex and said that I wouldn't care if I wasn't. I called her stupid and said that she wouldn't understand

[00:05:37] because she doesn't have any friends. I wouldn't care if my ex wife got married to anyone else if it wasn't my best friend. I don't see what's so hard to understand about that. We made up

[00:05:47] eventually but I feel sick to my stomach every day and things aren't the same in our relationship. I love my wife but I've come to realize it's not the same way I loved my ex wife. My wife

[00:05:58] doesn't love me the same way my ex wife did either. I've started to regret the things that led to our divorce because we were really happy until the moment she left me. I don't

[00:06:07] even have my best friend to call because he's too busy fucking my ex wife to care about me anymore. Everything feels empty and like a lie now. A lot of friends agree that they

[00:06:17] both betrayed me but I think I need to move on. Even my dad and brother told me to get over it. My sister in law yelled at me and my mom tries to comfort me but I know she's

[00:06:27] overhearing about my problems. I have to pretend I'm okay but I'm not. No one gives a shit about mental health when it comes to men. I bought a couples therapy to my wife but

[00:06:38] she said she thinks we're okay since we work through things. I guess I have to pretend for the rest of my life now because divorce is not on the table. I need advice on what to

[00:06:47] do and how to get closure. I'm thinking of driving to their city to just show up and force them to talk to me so I can move on. Is that too much to ask? How do I get my wife

[00:06:57] to see that it's hard to trust her after knowing she kept the big secret from me for a long time? Hoppy's first love update says the overwhelming consensus here is that I'm a piece of shit

[00:07:07] which is true. The other consensus is that I need therapy. I asked my brother to help me but neither of us know where to begin to find a therapist. He said he would ask his

[00:07:17] wife to help us and she texted me this morning and said she was only helping because of my brother. I guess that's fair. Republic of Gary says and quotes I called her stupid and said that she wouldn't understand because she doesn't have friends. Well done professor.

[00:07:33] Video Slacker says apparently neither does he. If your best friend doesn't speak to you for 3 years, that may be your best friend but you are not theirs. Inside Sector asks what led to your divorce? Did you cheat? Were there problems that couldn't

[00:07:47] be solved? And how much longer after the divorce did you start dating your current wife and married her? Basically tell us what led to the divorce and marriage to your new current wife.

[00:07:56] Hoopy says my ex wife found out about me sleeping with my current wife. I broke up with my current wife and my ex wife so we could work things out. She decided she wanted a divorce a couple

[00:08:06] of months later even though I begged her to try with me. Out of respect I tried to make sure the divorce was as easy as possible. I got back together with my current wife while we were separated.

[00:08:17] No Reflection replies that saying so if any of this is true. You at 32 cheated on your wife with a 21 year old with 3 kids. Your divorce was not amicable she just wanted you out of her life as quickly and painlessly as possible. The fact she never replied to

[00:08:32] you even once after the divorce was finalized wasn't a hint. Hoopy says I do really wish that I found out that day and felt happy for them or at least felt nothing. I buried a lot of feelings down when I married my current wife and they

[00:08:45] all came flooding out. I miss my best friend, I miss my ex wife. I am so sorry I hurt her. I love her and never stop loving her and that scares me because I don't want to hurt my wife. I know I fucked up.

[00:08:59] Devil got my eye replies that saying your story made my day. It is nice to know that karma is doing its thing. Around 2 months later Hoopy comes in with her update and says this is kind of an update

[00:09:10] to my last post a few months ago and I'm also hoping for advice on how to best navigate this. I tried a couple of times to write this update but I get stressed trying to make

[00:09:19] it all make sense so I'll just dump it all here and hope it comes out okay. I guess I should start by saying that I had slash have a lot more issues than my original

[00:09:27] post addressed or than I even recognized at the time. Therapy has helped me uncover a lot of it and it's really uncomfortable on the good days and crushing on the bad days.

[00:09:37] So many people talk about how they feel so much better after going to therapy but I feel worse. I'm going to go though because for as much as it sucks it is helping me learn

[00:09:47] better ways of dealing with things. It is also helping me explain myself to me a little better. Like I am a shitty person but I wasn't always a shitty person and I'm starting

[00:09:57] to see where it all went wrong. I feel like understanding that is the only way I can address those things and then become a better person. I did inpatient therapy then after my release. I see a therapist in our office once a week

[00:10:09] and meet virtually once a week. I also see a psychiatrist once every two weeks and started on some medications. It's weird how I can kind of see them helping parts of my brain

[00:10:19] but dulling other parts and making my body not feel the best. I try to explain it to a doctor but he just tells me it's going to take some time for them to fully work and

[00:10:28] that eventually I will get used to it. My wife had the baby but while I was away she told me about the possibility of the baby not being mine. I grieved that so much but

[00:10:39] decided it wasn't not much good in dwelling on it too much right now until we knew for sure when she is born. The results came back last week and she isn't mine. We haven't

[00:10:49] made any decisions right now about our relationship but are living together for the sake of the kids and her recovery from having the baby. She said that if I didn't want to be with

[00:10:57] her anymore she'd go back to her home state and her mom and stepdad. She also mentioned that she knew she wouldn't get alimony or child support because of our state but I

[00:11:07] told her I would help her get back home and on her feet if that's what ended up happening. Since I got back home I have stepped up more and been more active as a dad which has been

[00:11:16] really good for me. Being a responsible and present father helps me forget about all the stuff in the moment but it would be a lie for me to say that I don't worry about how

[00:11:25] much it'd hurt to lose them if we break up since they are not biologically or legally mine. I also just worry about them a lot and think they deserve to have a safe and

[00:11:34] stable happy childhood. I'm really sad that the baby isn't mine. I wanted her to be mine more than anything in the world but I find it really hard to be angry with my wife. For

[00:11:44] some reason I cheated on my first wife with her so it's kind of calmer in a way. And what could I really expect when our relationship started the way it did? Plus there's this

[00:11:53] other part of me that understands that she is a deeply damaged person like me. I don't really want to go into a lot of details but we both lived through some similar shit happening

[00:12:02] to us when we were kids that bonded us. Neither of us really dealt with it but I thought that I was okay because I grew up privileged and she didn't so I always had more opportunities

[00:12:12] than she did. I also thought that since I didn't think about it as much, I was okay. She thought about it all the time and she wasn't okay. My ex-wife is an amazing woman

[00:12:22] and she deserves to be happy. I sent her an email and just kind of poured my heart out about how sorry I am for hurting her. I would rip my heart out to give it to her if it helped

[00:12:31] her heal from the heartbreak I caused her. I said in the email that I didn't expect a reply and that I wouldn't ever attempt to contact with her again after that. She got

[00:12:40] in contact with my brother a few times to check on me and she's called me twice and we talked for a few hours about everything. She's really happy and she's doing well. I'm proud of

[00:12:49] her and she deserves to be happy. I'm really lucky that I had the years that I had with her but now it is time to accept how I screwed up and try my best to do better going forward.

[00:12:59] I don't think I will ever contact her again but I would be happy to hear from her if she ever chooses to reach out again. It hurts a little but I understand now that the door

[00:13:08] is fully closed. The door with my friend is closed too. We haven't spoken and we probably never will but that's okay. I found out from other friends that he was always in love with

[00:13:18] my ex-wife and that he was the person who convinced her to move to where they live now after our divorce. I think knowing helps because the story I created in my head was

[00:13:27] far worse. I also understand now why no one wanted to tell me. My brother and I got so close again which his wife isn't the happiest about. I'm not sure where I would be right

[00:13:38] now if it wasn't for him. We invited them over during the weekend and at one point she and I were in a room alone for a few minutes and I told her that I was sorry and she just

[00:13:48] hugged me and told me that I was stupid but that she knows I'm trying. I also have two really good friends who have been trying to be there for me through everything even though they've been clear from the very beginning that they have not agreed with my actions.

[00:14:01] All of them are more than I deserve. My relationship with my parents isn't in the best place right now. They're both really mad at me because my brother confronted them

[00:14:11] about what I told him and related to the thing that happened when I was a kid. They feel like he is blaming them and that they did the best they could for me. I think that they are really

[00:14:20] embarrassed too. I get it, I don't really blame them but I don't think they knew what to do. But I'm not going to apologize to them either so until I do they don't really want

[00:14:29] to be around me. I'm not sure that this is the update that anyone wanted to read but it's all I've got. My life is still very much in limbo, maybe even shambles. But I'm doing

[00:14:39] my best to fix it and fix some of the hurts I have caused others. I would recommend therapy as much as everyone recommended it to me. But I would caution to add that it requires

[00:14:48] a lot of honesty to work and that sometimes that kind of honesty reopens old wounds. But those wounds are dirty and infected so you gotta clean them up and treat them to get

[00:14:57] better, which is going to hurt but I'm not sure there is any other way. How do I make the best decision for the kids and for myself? Should I try to work things out with my wife or would it be best to make a clean break?

[00:15:10] Wow, gee whiz. Now there's a mixture of comments below this one. Some people saying that they're glad that they're getting therapy and that they seem to be growing as a person and recognizing the mistakes of their past. Other commenters saying you know karma has come to collect

[00:15:26] kind of thing. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:16:07] So this is a story about a woman telling me how great it was that my husband would snowboard with my son. At one point she asked if my husband, her and her son could go snowboarding

[00:16:14] together. I put my foot down and said absolutely not. Fast forward a couple of years later and her son is now 16. She again asked for help buying a new snowboard and my husband

[00:16:26] is nice and went and helped her and her son purchased one. She then started texting him asking if she could go with my husband and my son and her and her son snowboard in the

[00:16:35] next weekend. My husband said that was fine however my son decided not to go last minute because he just wanted to spend some time with my husband. My husband didn't know that

[00:16:45] but I did. My husband spent the day with Jane and her son even after me telling him that I wasn't happy about him going and that he should cancel. But he said he already told

[00:16:54] her he would and didn't want to flake. She texts him during work hours, he replies and has relentless questions about asking when the next time they can go snowboarding. I told my husband to stop texting her and he can't go with her anymore. It's making

[00:17:09] me uncomfortable. Note, my husband is around and did go with them to purchase a snowboard but doesn't have the time to spend with them on the weekends and so she wants my husband

[00:17:18] to go help them and show them the ropes. He's one of those people that likes to help others. However, I told him to ghost her. He said it's going to be weird when he sees her in

[00:17:28] the neighborhood and what's he supposed to say when he sees her. I told him to tell her that he's just too busy. I'm the asshole. Couple of relevant comments, GapApprehensive says not the asshole point out to your husband

[00:17:42] that his desire to help is alienating his son. He didn't check if his son wanted the neighbors to come. It's not your husband's job to make up for a husband being able to spend weekends with them.

[00:17:52] Hopie says my husband is clueless and thought our own son wanted to go help them too. My husband does go snowboarding quite a lot, sometimes with my son and sometimes alone. But I don't like her tagging along. It's not like I told her he wanted to help her.

[00:18:07] I just think it's wrong when we are married and she's a woman who is not happy with the attention she gets from her husband obviously. Thank you. Life Asks Am I the Asshole says he's not clueless. He enjoys her attention too and pretends he

[00:18:21] is just a good neighbor. Moomin replies that's him not the asshole. Texting his clingy neighbor back in his work hours and setting up the next snowboarding date. He doesn't even give a hoot if his

[00:18:30] own son joins or not. Definitely smacks of loving being this woman's go to for things. Wonder what's going to happen when, whoopsie, her husband happens to not be coming too and

[00:18:40] oh your own son backed out again. Well never mind we can send my son down the hill and you can teach me about a better stance. He might even have to hold me round my waist so that I don't fall.

[00:18:51] Cat Activation Sun says yo she likes him. Ain't no way in hell this lady got her own damn husband and needs yours for this. Shake my head she needs to go find a snowboarding

[00:19:00] instructor. It's great that your husband is nice and all but the heavenly gates will not refuse to open for him if he doesn't give this weird ass neighbor lady and her son assistance with snowboarding. LOL.

[00:19:12] One more comment from Reasonable Sail who says why doesn't she just have her kid take snowboarding lessons from a qualified instructor. If she wants her son to have snowboarding friends there are better ways than trying to tag along with your son who doesn't sound

[00:19:25] interested in her kid. Her son could join the school ski club, get involved in competitive snowboarding or meet other kids on the slopes who might be interested in being friends. I think your instinct is correct that this woman is overstepping because what she really

[00:19:41] wants is the company of your husband. She may not have a conscious idea that she's doing this but it's so inappropriate that it doesn't really matter whether or not it's conscious on her part. It's just inappropriate and I think you are correct to shut it down.

[00:19:55] Opie says part of me thinks it's not conscious and that she just wants to get help from a willingly clueless husband but since she has said in the past how much she wished her husband

[00:20:04] would be more involved and then keeps asking for help from my expert husband it sits wrong with me. Now what do you guys make of this situation? What do you think the neighbor is up to? Do

[00:20:17] you think she's actively flirting with husband? Do you think husband is clueless in this? Or do you think he's really enjoying the attention? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments