Ex-Wife Is SUPER Strict With Our Daughter And She's Not Happy That I'm Not

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_00] Now, today's first story comes from Doc IamTired who says, Am I the arsehole for not being very strict with my daughter at my house compared to my ex-wife? Which has led to my ex-wife and I exchanging some words to each other. I, 43 male, have a daughter, 16 female, who I have joint custody over with my ex-wife, 39 female. We got divorced when my daughter was a baby and the court awarded 50-50 custody for the both of us. I will admit though,

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00] being a doctor comes with its consequences. I haven't been as present as I wish I could have been. When my daughter was 13, she started telling me things that her mum does or rules that she has in place over her and how she thinks is unfair. I'd listen to her and advise her to talk to her mum. My daughter would then ask if she has to obey those rules over here still, to which I said no. At first it was just small stuff that I find nitpicky. Things like not being able to eat in the last year.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00] As she's gotten older, she started making more requests for privileges in my house. And it's pretty much gone like this. Example 1. Mum doesn't let me hang out with friends during the week. I said, well, that's dumb. If you have a ride there and back, you can go with your friends. Example 2. Mum doesn't let me wear comfortable clothes around the house. She says I have to dress modestly.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00] Example 3. You can walk around the house naked for all I care. Example 3. You and mum's houses don't have locks on my bedroom door. Opie says there isn't a lock. I can call a guy out and have him put a lock in for you if you want. Example 4. Mum doesn't let me drink soda. Opie says do you want soda? If so, I can order it with our groceries from Hy-Vee.

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says do you want soda? My ex-wife went bananas over the phone with me. And at her house, she went off on my daughter for being an undisciplined brat. My ex-wife is threatening to take me to court for custody if I don't straighten up my act. And I told her she can kiss my ass. it has me wondering though am i being the arsehole to my ex-wife is this bad dad behavior i want my

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_00] daughter to feel safe comfortable and happy and i want to believe i'm doing that if i'm being an arsehole to my ex-wife what do i do so as always with stories like this we have people in the comments asking questions of op and op replying to them the first one said not the arsehole the clothes and the door lock concern me is your ex remarried other kids in the house policing what she wears at home and calling it modest makes it seem like your child is some sort of sexual object

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00] and not a kid then the lock it really sounds like she wants to keep people out you should ask her about that more in depth the other thing some people are more strict on than others your ex cannot control what happens in your house whether she likes it or not you are an equal parent op says now that you mention the lock thing that does seem concerning i just passed it off as she wants her own privacy and left it as that before my daughter mentioned it i didn't even know the door didn't

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00] have a lock someone asks is it possible that religion might play a role in this situation for the rules at the mother's house op says we're not muslim i'm an atheist i'm pretty sure my daughter is too because i don't hear her talking about going to any form of mass but my ex-wife is an orthodox christian i don't remember the conversation in full but it started when my daughter just wore a bra and shorts around her mom's house and when she was like 14 and her mom flipped she doesn't let my

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00] daughter wear anything that's revealing or inappropriate around the house or in public me personally i don't give a shit what my daughter does or doesn't wear i had multiple days that i've woken up on the weekend to get ready for work and my daughter is butt ass naked cooking breakfast for herself or watching tv my first thoughts are oh my god my daughter is naked how blasphemous it's damn whatever she is cooking smells pretty good or that tv show makes no sense to me i've bought

[00:04:48] [SPEAKER_00] my daughter clothes that she wanted and didn't give too much thought to it someone says about does op talk to his daughter on a regular basis about what's going on in her life op says my daughter is pretty open with who she's with or where she is going i do know that she's gonna lie from time to time because she's a teenager and all teenagers do it but i trust that she can hold her own i bought her a thing of pepper spray that goes on a keychain with her car keys that she carries everywhere so

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00] worst case she has something i know a few of her friends that i've met at the house but other than that no i don't know someone says does op enforce rules at his house when his daughter is with him op says i do enforce other rules such as she needs to have all her homework done before going out with friends i need to see her report cards she needs to do her chores etc etc she doesn't fight me over them and does them usually without me asking so she's very responsible op on his job

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00] schedule and why he doesn't know what his ex has been up to after the divorce and says i work almost 16 hours every day i still have to full-time parent to the best of my ability i try not to pry into my ex-wife's life because most of it isn't any of my business unless it involves my daughter i can ask though op on his parenting his daughter and says i'm not a perfect parent no one is i work insane hours and

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00] i'm using my day off to fight with my ex-wife about my daughter yes i make mistakes yes i'm not as present as i want to be my daughter comes to me about a lot of things and i trust that she is responsible enough not to do insane things op on having grown-up talks with his daughter and says i've had grown-up talks with my daughter before and it's gone fairly well my daughter told me before anyone else that

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00] she is bisexual and was dating a girl she asked me to keep it a secret from her mom so i did she's not dating the girl anymore but i did meet her and she seemed like a nice person i've met a few of her friends but not all of them i'll try to do better with keeping up with that and my daughter was okay with me putting live 360 on her phone my daughter doesn't do drugs and doesn't drink i told her if someone offers her drink or drugs deny it and tell me she said she promises to and i trust her as far

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_00] as i know my daughter hasn't engaged in any sexual activity but i've had all the yucky talks with her when she started having periods i told her if she ever needs pads or tampons to let me know and i'll make sure she gets them i told her if she's going to have sex to make sure they are being safe condoms consent all that i told her that in the unlikely event that she has sex and thinks she's pregnant or something happens that risks pregnancy to let me know immediately and i get

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_00] her pregnancy tests and contraceptives now like any parent i told her not to have sex but i also know that she's 16 and teenagers tend to do it anyway so i'd rather her do it and be safe and know what recourses are available then do it without the education and end up in a bad situation so within the same post op gives an update and says i've been talking to my daughter and ex-wife over the last

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00] several hours and have figured out a few things one there is no other permanent resident at my ex's house no boyfriend no husband no other kids nothing like that my ex does have this book club thing she hosts and has guests once a month but all are adults two my ex-wife doesn't let my daughter have a lock on her door because and i quote because i'm not going to give her the ability to hide her drugs or boyfriend she is sleeping with three my ex doesn't let my daughter see her friends during the week because

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_00] she says her friends are distractions to school however her report card says she is doing just fine academically four my ex doesn't just control what she wears but also won't let her use makeup or even watch slash consume adult media my daughter says that my ex called her attire slutty one time because she was wearing a shirt with no bra my ex denies saying this but i wouldn't put it past her five i

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_00] asked my daughter if she'd be okay with me searching her room my daughter said she had nothing to hide i looked around and guess what no drugs no vapes no illegal plans to take over the u.s government nothing like nothing like that normal 16 year old girl's room six i asked my daughter if she'd have a problem with me putting life 360 on her phone so i can see where she goes she handed me her phone and said again she has nothing to hide so she doesn't care seven i did talk to my daughter about

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_00] her attitude and treatment to her mother she agreed that she has been acting out and said she will text or call me if she has an issue with something her mom is doing she said she will respect the mother's rules but she did ask me to talk to her about her mother's comments about her body apparently my daughter feels like her mother is sexualizing her and her body and it makes her uncomfortable i agreed to talk to her mom about it so far that conversation is deadlocked because her

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_00] mom will not let up on her whole modesty shit eight my daughter told my ex that she tried to take me to court my daughter will ask a judge to live with me full time more to come update wise thank you for your input so it was a week after this that op came in with another update and says i just want to say thank you to everyone who gave their input on the situation over the past seven days i've been going through a

[00:10:14] [SPEAKER_00] lot of stress between work my daughter's reaction and my ex-wife to start last sunday had very long discussions with my ex-wife about our daughter to not ramble on daughter says it's called yapping now i'll give you the short version mex wife says that she has to be strict on my daughter so she doesn't turn out bad she doesn't let my daughter wear makeup hang out with her friends during the week eat certain foods and drink certain drinks consume certain media have locks on her door wear certain

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_00] clothes and she makes my daughter text that every hour she's not at school but at the house on weekends detailing who she is with where she is at and what they are doing i talked to my daughter about her mother and my daughter says her life over there is stressful feeling like she's always being watched she feels like she has no freedoms or autonomy that is at the mercy of her mother my daughter did admit that she's been acting out recently at her mother's house but i can't really blame her i talked to one

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00] of my female co-workers who has three daughters about the situation i'm in she said she is worried about my ex-wife mentally abusing my daughter and i agreed some of you online also pointed out that my ex-wife could be sexualizing and objectifying my daughter to which i've also come to agree to i know my daughter and my ex-wife have issues and have been butting heads on and off now for a while but i didn't know it was this bad regardless i talked to my daughter about her mother's rules at her house

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_00] if her mother doesn't want her eating in the living room or drinking sprite she's allowed to have that rule i told her she cannot like it all she wants but at the end of the day they are not unreasonable requests my daughter though very firmly asked me to talk to my ex-wife about the things that bugger the most those things are what she does and doesn't wear in the house a lock on the door and the rules in place about her friends only on the weekends and texting her mom constantly i asked my daughter if

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_00] she'd be okay with me tracking her on life 360 and she said she's okay with me tracking her but not her mother my daughter tells me pretty much everything though sometimes i wish she didn't overshare information i don't need to know about and she says she trusts me and knows i trust her but she doesn't want her mom to be able to track her at all hours of the day a lock on her door was something else we discussed i asked my daughter why she wanted a lock on her door and she provided information i absolutely did

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_00] not need to know but basically she wants privacy and to be alone sometimes i checked her room out with her in the room and didn't find anything like drugs or plans to overthrow the illuminati so she's good on that front when i asked her mother why she can't have a lock she said it's because she and i quote doesn't want to having sex doing drugs and hiding things from her apparently my ex-wife just barges into her room and searches her things i found that to be ridiculous

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00] and a complete violation of my daughter's privacy and i bitch to fit to my ex about it no wonder my ex doesn't know any of my daughter's and i's little secret that she's bisexual she can't even trust her mother not to go through her shit next the whole issue about what she does and doesn't wear in the house in my house i couldn't give less of a fuck usually she walks around in a shirt with no bra wearing boxes or some shit sometimes she wears normal clothes sometimes she goes nude sometimes

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_00] she wears one of those full body pajama suits don't give a shit but she knows the rules about it she had to leave the house wearing normal clothes and she had to have normal clothes on when guests are at the house when she's there alone or with me she can do whatever her mom on the other hand has been sexualizing her daughter and making incredibly suggestive comments about her body my ex denies doing this but i don't think my daughter would lie about it and knowing my ex-wife she 100 said it

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_00] my ex has said my daughter dresses slutty flaunts herself like a stripper and is not a modest woman needless to say this pissed me off six ways to sunday and we exchanged some heated words over the topic my daughter came over to the house today for our 50 50 custody swap and immediately went and locked herself in her room at first i thought maybe she was going to go and facetime her friends or something so i let it be for a bit but after she didn't come out after an hour or so i knocked on

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_00] her door my daughter had been crying i asked why and she said that my ex told her she's going to take me to court and ensure i won't see her again just got done consoling my heartbroken daughter typing out all this with the tears and snot on my nice shirt there's the update i say game on to my fucking bitch-ass ex-wife so it was nearly two months after this that op came in again and said

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_00] i forgot just how long and boring the court's process is we just had our initial hearing and blessed my attorney before officially filing into court i met with my ex-wife one last time i brought my kiddo and my attorney with me so the three of us could talk and the attorney could mediate in a way my ex-wife took the entire meetup as an attack on her rights to see my daughter and now has her own attorney so to court we go my attorney advised my daughter and i to maintain 50 50 custody agreement

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_00] until a judge changes it so we did you'd think my ex-wife would agree on it but no my bitch ex-wife tried to keep my daughter my daughter thankfully recorded the entire screaming match between her and her mother before she got in the car and drove to my house herself sadly we are a two slash all party consent state so my daughter and i are keeping that to ourselves but i told her to send me screenshots of what her mother sent her while she was driving and i can give it to the attorney fast forward to the

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_00] actual hearing i thought it was going to be nice and easy but i forgot i live in america and literally nothing in our court system is easy the judge scheduled another call date and said a gal g-a-l which according to google is guardian ad litem would be appointed for my child what was over a month of waiting was wrapped up in about an hour and our next hearing is scheduled past the winter solace

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00] and christmas when i got home i told my daughter about what had happened and she was going to be speaking to an attorney called a gal she asked what to say to them i told her to say whatever she wants to to them and to not let her mother or i dictate what she tells the attorney that's her attorney that she can tell whatever she wants to and that's for them and her to know and know alone even if it jabs at me

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_00] or her mom i apologize that this update is not as interesting or as exciting as you want unfortunately the court system is not what it appears to be on law and order it's painfully boring and pretty slow so there was another commenter on the back of all of this the commenter was downvoted but opie replied it said okay i've read all your threads and have a few comments i agree that your ex is a bit too strict but you are also a bit too lenient the two of you might have been able to find a middle ground with a little

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_00] more communication i would never have brought my attorney and the child to a discussion with the ex like that that should have been between the two of you only involving your attorney and the child would have raised the hackles on most people that was truly a mistake i have no opinion on how this is going to come out since i haven't heard anything from your ex's point of view but you do sound like a very good parent and therefore if she is hoping to restrict your time with a child i cannot see

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_00] that happening at all i ride the fence about the reverse opie says i've tried to meet her in the middle about things but she does not budge i've met with her and my daughter privately and absolutely nothing has ever been accomplished in those meetups i was hoping that if i brought my attorney along that time my ex-wife would finally realize maybe she is the one not co-parenting but it seems she is incapable commuter says you're doing everything right just keep pushing through it'll all pay off

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_00] in the end opie says unfortunately i can't really prove it without the video my daughter took but technically what my daughter did is illegal in our state she didn't know it was so i don't fault her for it but i can't provide it to an attorney commuter says did you ask the attorney i think the statutes specifically cover audio recordings they may not cover video when those laws were written video recordings weren't a concern your lawyer may know of a legal loophole to allow its use might be as

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00] simple as a minor can't be expected to know and follow this law so the video should be admitted long story short make sure you ran this by your lawyer i'm unclear if you did that already it's a long hair but worth the call don't put it in writing opie says i didn't ask my attorney or tell them out of fear for my daughter hurting the case i know my daughter didn't do it on purpose and didn't know that law but i don't want to give my ex-wife the ammunition of see he's spying on me he's sending

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_00] his daughter in to record our private conversations and one more says info i saw in your first post that your daughter is 16 how close is she to 17 reason for this is inserts i'm not a lawyer here most states start taking the kids wishes much more seriously in custody cases opie says she will turn 17 soon it's one of those stories where you can see like a reddit post in the future simply titled something

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_00] along the lines of why doesn't my daughter talk to me anymore and many of the commenters saying similar people relating to the stories in the in the way that they grew up at the same time some people saying you know the conflicting parenting styles here is going to do damage in the long term but what do you guys make of this situation how did it make you feel what do you think is going to happen let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story our next

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_00] story comes from inspector minimum 5518 and says am i the arsehole for leaving early after my girlfriend's kids mocked my name and she brushed it off throwaway account i male 40 have been seeing a woman female 36 since july she's fun to hang out with i have a busy work schedule and she has two kids so we usually get together when she's child free and i'm not working she asked me to meet her kids in october but i told her

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_00] i wasn't ready she asked again in november and i said maybe after the holiday season on saturday i was supposed to go to her place at 5 p.m when i arrived her kids were there i introduced myself i'm french canadian and my name is common in both french and english i always introduce myself by saying hi i'm sebastian just adding this in whilst i'm editing the audio i'm sorry i'm sorry for my pronunciation

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_00] in the french way but i tell people they can call me sebastian or seb if they like the kids 10 and 12 girls started laughing and said sebastian what a stupid name they started making fun of my name i said it's actually french since i'm french canadian they started laughing even harder then their mom came in and said their dad was supposed to pick them up but he had cancelled but

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_00] that it was okay and we could have a nice family dinner the kids again said yeah with sebastian their mom smiled and said they're just kids and laugh at silly things i felt very uncomfortable i made an excuse and left within about 15 minutes now my girlfriend is mad saying i bailed on her and ran away as soon as i saw the kids like a pathetic coward was i an arsehole did i overreact to the kids

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_00] behavior and her brushing it off the whole thing made me feel really uncomfortable so the first commenter said to op so you were basically bullied by a 10 and 12 year old boy if a guy can't handle a joke go out to your name and run out the door probably wasn't the right one for my mom anyway to be honest op says you really think the solution was engaging and bullying back a bunch of kids commenter says you left because her kids thought your name was funny i don't get it why would you let

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00] her girls intimidate you like that i'm just not understanding what the real problem is i think you just aren't a kid person op says it wasn't my job to parent them and i didn't like being mocked i left commenter says not your kids but you don't understand if their parents haven't been divorced long they're probably out to sabotage any relationship hoping they get back together op says they've been divorced for three years commenter says introducing you to the kids after four months is wild op said yeah

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_00] op said she said she was a package deal that's important to see if her kids like me i wasn't feel comfortable yet so i suggested at least after the holiday season commenter replied saying and she's right they are a package deal but as a single mother myself i wouldn't dream of introducing her boyfriend so soon it had so much pressure to force a relationship to work for the kids kids get attached and or you could be a complete creep not saying that you are you set a boundary saying you

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_00] weren't comfortable and she blew past that op says no i agree with you ideally i wanted to meet them after a year at least commenter says so her response is to call you a coward that's dumping worthy op replied saying she said i was a coward for running away and a commenter said your partner has shown you her true colors twice one when she didn't reprimand her daughters for being disrespectful

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_00] two when she assaulted you for leaving a situation that made you uncomfortable she name called you after letting her daughters mock you they learned their behavior somewhere but luckily for you you don't have to dig too deep to find out where i know what i would do in this situation not the arsehole and a commenter said i agree with you i live in a very english-speaking province so i'm used to my name sounding weird to some people but the worst part wasn't that it was really the way she handled her

[00:24:10] [SPEAKER_00] children letting their daughters be disrespectful and then insulting me because i left an uncomfortable situation is just not right children learn something and it wasn't hard to see where it was coming from i think it's more the mom's reaction in this that that's caused the issue here you know it didn't really feel like it was about the kids making a joke it's more about the respect kids are going to test boundaries right kids are going to be no bed sometimes but it's the parents job to correct them

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_00] when they do step out of line and instead she laughed it off ignored him being uncomfortable in the situation and insulted him for leaving but op did update the post and says i wasn't planning to post an update but here it is since yesterday my now ex has spiraled she sent me like 20 messages in the morning on instagram saying what a loser i am that i'm a weak pathetic pussy that i would be a terrible stepdad that she was planning to have a baby with me well that was news to me because we never talked about this

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_00] then she deleted all of them holy shit bullet dodged when i checked my phone after my work meeting she had sent another 20 messages saying how she misses me that we could get through this that we belong to each other and asking me to call her i didn't answer she deleted those two then sent another million messages swearing at me she deleted those two she sent new messages and said i was abusive because i gave her the silent treatment i messaged that i didn't know what was going on that i was at work

[00:25:38] [SPEAKER_00] saw all her messages then checked my phone again and saw the opposite of her first text i said i wanted to give her time to calm down and then we could talk she said not to bother and that she hates me and blocked me then she unblocked me apparently she also posted my image in a local are we dating the same guy facebook group to warn other women about me my co-worker is in that group and showed me she said i was emotionally abusive and terrible with kids at this point i'm going to take

[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_00] a break from everything and focus on christmas shopping for my nieces and nephews dating in your 40s is something bloody hell op so there was a downvoted commenter who was saying to op that he can't take a joke basically and op said no apparently i'm bad with kids we were raised to never ever make fun of people's names op on his own family's background saying my mom was a single mom my dad died when i was four when she met my stepdad my stepdad i call him dad is a great guy my mom always made sure we

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_00] are nice and polite to him and he was going above and beyond for us a commenter says to op i'd ask your co-worker if she's willing to post your side on the site that your ex forced a meeting with her kids even though you said you weren't ready for that that her children made fun of your name while she laughed so you excused yourself and left then she sent 60 messages while you're at work then drop it she shouldn't be able to ruin your reputation with people without people at least hearing your side

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_00] and it's up to them to decide who they believe she will likely spiral on the app and then everyone will know she is full of shit eta if your co-worker is not okay with doing that just say okay no problem and never bring it up again op says honestly i don't want her to get involved i'm not really close with her to begin with she's in her 20s so it would be weird defending a 40 year old dude commenter says count yourself very lucky that she exposed her insanity before getting knocked up

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_00] sure hope you were using birth control op says i was and supposedly she was on pills my co-worker thinks within a few weeks i get a message from her claiming she is pregnant i really hope not commenter says what do you mean take a break dude she's clinically insane run away op says break from dating and social media i meant sorry and all i can say on the back of this one is like at least op found out early the back and forth you know oh let's stay together followed

[00:27:59] [SPEAKER_00] by the abusive messages but at the same time wild ass behavior you would have got that in the relationship as well at some point but what do you guys make of this situation there were some comments you know saying op can't take a joke or this kind of thing but the mom's behavior in this as well what do you guys make of it let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support

[00:28:27] [SPEAKER_00] your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here today and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love you