Ex Is Creating SO MUCH Drama I'm Considering Giving Up My Kids To Make It All Stop r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Let's talk about your dreamtip. Oh, it's difficult. Go on. Okay, he has to be for every adventure and of course look great. And he will never let me wait for a long time. Sounds ridiculous after the new Ford Puma Gen E. He is faster than your smartphone from 10 to 80% in only 23 minutes. Then I have to try to... The new Ford Puma Gen E. Now try to book on Ford.de.

[00:00:29] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And today's video is a compilation video. I know some of you enjoy it, some of you don't. So this is your chance to click off right now if you don't want it. And just a huge thank you for being here. And let's crack on with it. Much love guys.

[00:00:54] Now today's first story comes from Runhard9797 from the Relationships subreddit. And says, Ex 42 female. Is creating so much drama in my 37 male life that I am having trouble coping. Considering giving up my kids just to get it all to stop. I don't know where to begin. I was married for 13 years. I have two small children, 4 and 6. And after being divorced I am now remarried to a wonderful woman.

[00:01:23] I have two small children, Donna. My ex will not stop harassing me. I have to communicate with her for the kids. But it's so contentious that the court finally ordered all communication go through an online site. I had to change my phone number and move. It was that bad. I had my kids this weekend. Things went great and I went and saw my family. No incidents. We had a great time. Then I got this email. Jill and Marvin report that they were in a traffic accident with you this weekend.

[00:01:53] In the truck. They both reported that the loud, obscene exchange between their father and the ABC towing driver scared them. They both reported that they were bitten by Greg's dog, Murphy, during their visit at your folks house this weekend. This is the second dog they have both reported biting them. I have also posted their reports that they have been bitten by a large dog named Betsy at your in-laws house. Their traumatic memories of metal being scraped out of your leg. I hope that you recover.

[00:02:22] Get back to your job quickly. I hope that Donna is okay. They report that you have trouble walking. This is consistent with behavior I observed at drop off on Sunday night. You didn't get out of your new car and it appeared very awkward for you to unbuckle their booster seats from the driver's seat. I need to know about these things please. Dog bites are notoriously dirty and prone to infections. Just because our children didn't appear to be seriously injured as you were in the truck accident.

[00:02:50] Doesn't mean that they couldn't be stiff and sore and possibly have internal injuries for which I need to be observing. At least I need to understand why they were stiff and sore and acted more fearful than usual when they came home. Their mild to moderate bruising and scrapes and the chunks of skin missing from their hands and fingers are consistent with their reports of the accident and the dog bites. I will take Jill and Marvin to the pediatrician walking clinic to rule out any unseen injuries and infections.

[00:03:16] It would be nice if you would call or email the doctor's office and tell them what you can about the accident and the dog bites. It could help rule out tests and treatments that might not be necessary. It would also be nice if you would pay your half of their medical expenses. Especially because the accident and the dog bites happened when they were with you. Today is Jill's first day at school. I could have taken them to the doctor two days ago. If you had shared that they were bitten and in a traffic accident that was bad enough required tow truck for the truck and medical care for you.

[00:03:46] If you want to drive the kids to Santa Barbara and back in a weekend, expose them to animals that aren't safe for children and fight with tow truck drivers in front of them, I cannot prevent that. But what happens to their little growing bodies and the events that are being imprinted on their sweet innocent minds is very much my business. Please share all of the information regarding what happened to our children in the truck accident. Please share all of the information regarding the bites from the dogs.

[00:04:11] As a mother, it is very worrisome to hear my preschooler and my first grader recount the dangerous things that are happening to them. But it is even more worrisome that my co-parent withholds vital information about their health. Jill and Marvin deserve to know that their parents are working together to take care of them. Thank you. Opie then continued. I don't even know where to begin. The dog that was there had no teeth. Didn't bite them and couldn't have even if it wanted to.

[00:04:41] My in-laws dog is dead. I was never in an accident. There was no tow truck. All of this is false. I can't even find a shred of a real event that could have gotten twisted. This comes on the heels of four days ago. Her trying to corner me into signing away 30% of my custody agreement and refusing to let me even look at the details of the paperwork. I am so frazzled by all of this that at times I think about signing away my parental rights just to not have the stress.

[00:05:10] But I don't want my children thinking I don't care for them and abandon them. How do you reason with this level of crazy? Any advice is welcome. I need help managing this. All I can think to say on this is to make up that kind of story. But as always, I don't know anything about the law, etc. But from what I've read in previous stories with a similar kind of vibe is, you know, get a lawyer involved ASAP. Tell her the accusations she's making against you.

[00:05:40] The way that email was written sounded very much like she's just trying to get the children out of your custody. The level of detail that it went to trying to prove your negligence to them. But I think working with someone in the legal field who knows about this kind of stuff could pick this apart very quickly. Well, I'd hope so anyway.

[00:06:02] But N Dave T says in regard to this and quotes it'd be nice if you would call or email the doctor's office and tell them what you can about the accident and the dog bites and then says, Maybe you should do what she says. Email the doctor's office and tell them there was no car accident or dog bite. Another user says if you're willing to tell random armchair psychologists on Reddit that you're considering signing away your children. Chances are good she's picked up on that and is indeed doing whatever she can to make that happen.

[00:06:29] Get thee to an attorney as soon as humanly possible. Fight your children. One day they will know what you did or what you didn't do. Throw away says turn this over to your lawyer. Please fight this fight. I know it's hard, but can you imagine growing up with a mother who chooses to rewrite history and reality to suit her whims? They'd be respondent and lawyers have been contacted. No response in three days. Emailed with this craziness this morning.

[00:06:59] Still crickets. The OP came back into the post at this eight years later and says, I was looking in my profile and saw my post in this subreddit from seven years ago. My ex was causing so much chaos that I was doubting everything. That post is linked here. And then shares the link. I took everything to heart and implemented several things right away.

[00:07:26] I became a grey rock and started documenting my ass off. I consulted my lawyers and they said they advised several steps. The first of which was a 730 evaluation. This is an evaluation done by a psychologist. That process took a really long time as the 730 evaluator got very sick halfway through. That took 10 months. At the end, the report essentially read,

[00:08:06] This was a tough pill to swallow. Things were not better and the chaos was just intermittent. So we just kept documenting and doing our thing. Eventually, we started getting lots of emails from teachers that Jill in particular was often not bathed. Never had her homework done. Didn't have school supplies and that she was failing way behind in her studies. We applied for a trial to review custody and asked for primary custody to be swapped to us.

[00:08:32] That was at the end of 2019 and trial was set for May 2020. So, as you can imagine, once COVID hit, everything got delayed. There was a large amount of events in 2020. COVID shut down, Donna and I had a child, Rebecca, and my ex started denying visitation to Jill and Marvin. Every two weeks I would go down, wait in front of the house. No kids would emerge. Sometimes I would have the police come.

[00:08:59] Not to force anything, but to get the documentation in terms of a case number. This went on for four months. Before I was able to start getting visitation again. Eventually, the trial was set for summer of 2021 and went for three days. And I had over 500 pages of documentation. Day one was entirely testimony from the co-parenting therapist who had been seeing for five years. She testified that my ex was the most difficult client she'd ever worked with in her career.

[00:09:28] That my ex never followed a single agreement in session and that she was a pathological liar. Last day of the testimony was my ex, where she was caught lying on the stand and was presented with evidence that she'd been secretly taking the children to a medical professional for two years that I had explicitly not agreed to. So starting in August 2021, the judge ordered the kids come live with me. Primary custody and limiting my ex to four days a month.

[00:09:54] It's now been three years when Jill was in fifth grade and she had a 26% in math and a 40% in English. For the last three years, she's maintained a 4.0 every single year and will be starting high school in honors geometry, honors English and AP biology. Marvin has also been doing well also and just finished his first year of middle school with a 4.0 GPA and is loving his coding and robotics elective. They have new clothes and have learned new skills and responsibilities.

[00:10:24] Donna has been crucial in setting up patterns to help with success in school. Their rooms are both immaculate and they are the ones doing it with very little direction from us. They are happy and finally involved in activities and sports. Our little Rebecca adores them both. And I will often find all three of them cuddled up together as one of the older two reads a book to her. Jill made the decision recently to stop going on visits to her mom.

[00:10:50] The chaos and drama started being directed at her along with lack of food, clothes that fit etc. Marvin is still going for visits and we are encouraging that as long as he is feeling safe there. All in all things are going well and the kids are doing incredible. There are hard moments still but it has all been worth it. And were able to shield them from the most part of any chaos their mom may want to start. If anyone is reading this that initially sent advice, thank you.

[00:11:17] When you are in the thick of it, it is tough to not feel like it is impossible and you will never be able to overcome it. I needed the outside perspective. And Garren Queen on the back of that one says this is a wonderful update. I am sorry that it took so long to get everything resolved and I am sure it was heartbreaking knowing your children were in the custody of someone who was not taking care of them While you had to wait for the wheels of justice to slowly move. I am so glad you persevered and did not give up. Professor Professor says from a teacher.

[00:11:46] It is so amazing to see what stability can do for children. Thank you for fighting hard for your kids. You have given them such a great foundation for their futures. There is parts of that story that had me absolutely tearing up. You know the vision of which OP painted when he was stood outside the house waiting for his children to come out. And you know this went out for four months and then not coming out knowing they are in that house with someone who is unstable. Who is treating them like that.

[00:12:15] And having to go through all the legalities to get them out of that situation which is dragging on for fucking months. I can't imagine how difficult that would be. All I can say is that I am really glad that things turned out for you and your kids. And that things are going, it sounds like to me, so much better for them. Much more stability in their lives and they are doing better in their school lives as well. But now I am going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:12:44] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from the best of redditor updates. It is from particular anxious 208 who is the OP and says, Am I the asshole for skipping my friend's birthday without warning because his girlfriend calls me the typical girl best friend. It starts off with an edit saying, Please don't offer legal advice.

[00:13:14] My lawyer and my father are dealing with it. Also, I am not in the US. It is always worrying when it starts off saying about my lawyers dealing with this. Something is going to go down here. Miles and I have known each other since we were two because our parents are best friends. Now, I would not say Miles is my best friend. He is a good friend and we do hang out on occasion but see each other on all major holidays because of our parents. We are in our early twenties.

[00:13:41] The problem started because of a dumb childhood memory. When we were eight, we had a wedding play on school aftercare. I played the bride and Miles the groom. It was a play with horrible songs and uncoordinated kids. Obviously, our parents made pictures and videos of that and we have one picture on our family picture walls. Miles is dating Lindy. They met three years ago and started dating last year. Lindy does not like me.

[00:14:09] Every time we consider the celebration, she makes a comment about me being the typical girl best friend. She one time said that I secretly wanted to sleep with Miles. I have no clue where she got that impression from. Miles and I have different friend groups and schedules. Besides monthly catch up over food, we didn't really meet that much. Things got worse when Lindy saw the wedding play picture. The comments just got more.

[00:14:35] She even started DMing me on Instagram saying she knew what game I was playing. I talked to Miles once about this and he told me to give her time. So, his birthday was on Saturday and I was invited. Lindy wrote me saying something along the lines that she was going to supervise me. This was their first birthday as a couple and I was not allowed to take up his time. I was honestly just fed up. I tried talking to Miles once more but he said the same thing.

[00:15:03] So, I just skipped out. When the party started, I wrote a quick sorry I can't come and told him my mother was going to bring his present. Now he's upset with me for missing his birthday. Lindy is mad that I made it all about myself and my parents are upset I missed a family function. From I, the arsehole. Edits, I didn't show anyone the messages but I didn't want to make more out of this than it is. I didn't want to poison anyone against Lindy. Especially not if she is a new fixture in Miles' life.

[00:15:33] That would make both our lives more difficult. I hope that just talking about it might be the more adult thing. My parents are not mad at me or blowing up my phone. At that reddit fashion, they and Miles' parents were just bummed out that this was the first birthday that I ever missed. As to why she is jealous, I have no idea. Neither of our parents ever wanted us to get together. There were no jokes or anything about it. I think they also would never want that.

[00:15:58] The wedding play picture is in the living rooms because they loved the picture and it was our first play. Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation at all. You're not to blame. I think you did the right thing by stepping back out of this after your concerns were dismissed by people. But why would you want to go to a place where you know you're going to be supervised and made to feel like shit for being there when you've done nothing wrong?

[00:16:24] You know, you say you don't want to cause drama but I'd be like, you know, just have a look at those messages. I'm going to be supervised when I'm at your party. That's why I'm not coming. They need to see the truth rather than you being the scapegoat for Lindy's insecurities here. But Beck says you've known Miles for 20 plus years and his family is close with your family. Your not being at his party was noticed and you're taking all the blame for Lindy's actions and insecurities.

[00:16:50] Screenshot her messages to you and send them to your parents and put it on record your not attending was at Lindy's jealous behest. Not the arsehole but seriously, if the parents expect your involvement, they need to know the truth of why you weren't there. Rowan says not the arsehole. He can't have his cake and eat it. As in, he can't refuse to do something about the problem then get mad at you for doing something about the problem. I understand why you didn't want to go and I'd probably do the same.

[00:17:17] His girlfriend doesn't seem worth the mental energy and she's clearly got insecurities that you shouldn't have to deal with. Lisa knows best replies to that and says because Miles likes the attention. He likes that his wildly insecure jealous girlfriend is causing issues. He's hoping OP will fight for him and his attention. Miles is the real problem here. He could have shut down his girlfriend right from the get go. To which deep guard and reply sent? Exactly. I'd just cut ties with all of them.

[00:17:47] Lindy is insecure. Miles is a doormat for letting his girlfriend treat OP like this. That's not what friends do. And it's just drama OP doesn't need. Lindy will continue to harass OP regardless. Pop some popcorn and let petty mayonnaise spin. But OP came in with a first update and says I will update you in the first part and clarify some things later. After my first post, I talked to Miles. At first he was kinda mad and thought I'd been blowing things out of proportion.

[00:18:16] Some more details are in my last post. He came to the conclusion of taking more distance while he figures that all out. Mainly because I did not want the added stress of petty drama. Then I talked to my parents and explained to them what was going on. They were really upset by how Lindy treated me. Obviously they weren't going to get involved but it was nice to get that off my chest. Then nothing else happened. Until Tuesday evening.

[00:18:41] Wednesday was a holiday so some of my friends took the opportunity to go to an Irish pub to do karaoke. At some point my best friend and I went to pee and touch up our makeup. Then Lindy and some of her friends walked in and kinda cornered us. It wasn't pretty. They started loudly talking about man stealing bitches. And how some women were just born to be homewreckers. And imagine being pathetic enough to pretend to be a guy's friend to fuck him. And how pick me's are the worst.

[00:19:10] They kind of kept edging us physically into the part where the hand dryers were. While pretending we were not there. Until my best friend had enough and just pushed through them while pulling me behind her. We were almost at our table when Lindy went right behind me and pulled my hair. So that I fell backwards onto like a metallic piece where you were supposed to put your feet on. It hurt so bad that I started to see white. And then a girl next to Lindy poured beer on me. I cannot really tell you what happened. There was a scuffle.

[00:19:39] And someone dropped one of those heavy pint glasses on my head. The Lindys were taken away by police and I was taken to the hospital. My parents were furious as were Miles' parents. They both came to the hospital and I was severely concussed. My nose was fractured. And the worst thing is that I have a hairline fracture in my back. I stayed in the hospital till yesterday morning. Miles did try calling me a bunch. According to my parents they told him not to visit me right now.

[00:20:08] I did get an official notice saying that apparently there was now a legal case open against Lindy. And one of the girls for not only assault but also public disturbance in the bar. So now I have to deal with all that legally. I finally talked to Miles and long story short. Those of you saying Lindy was isolating him was a sign that an abusive relationship was right. He told me all the things she said to him to make him feel awful. She would freak out about anything in her life and take that out on him. She would scratch him and bite him when she was mad.

[00:20:38] My talk ended up with both of us crying and apologizing. We will be closer again. At least we can now talk about things more often. He broke up with her and is hiding at my parents house. So that is it for now. Hopi goes into their latest update and says I will update immediately and go into details later. It has been an official court date set for my process against Lindy. It took two months to get and it is another three months out but something is something.

[00:21:04] Our lawyer said that Lindy is probably not going to jail as she is a first time offender. If she goes to jail it would be no more than three months. Most likely she is going to have to pay a fee of 100 days of her income or something like that. I have let my father deal with this 100% because I have no head for it. There is a second lawsuit going on at the same time as I am legally chronically ill. The hairline fracture was not a passing thing but developed. I am in daily pain.

[00:21:33] Not every day is bad but not a day passes where I am not in at least two on the pain scale. As a result I have not been able to work. Right now my insurance pays 75% of my former income and my workplace covers the rest. But I am probably going to get fired. So my insurance filed a claim against Lindy to pay my lost wages. I am right now not in contact with Miles. I try to be supportive but being disabled by his jealous ex-girlfriend made me bitter against him.

[00:22:01] He was a victim but now I can't live my life and I blame him partly for that. I am in therapy to work through all that and have taken up some new hobbies. I have started to write more and am looking into courses or online classes. Miles' parents have been apologetic and have supported me a lot. His mother has been a saint. She volunteered to drive me anywhere and actually become friends with her. We even went to see Deadpool and Wolverine. Hmm. I see that.

[00:22:30] She is a stay at home wife so we have a lot of time. One of Lindy's friends reached out through my lawyer offering a testimony against her own friend. She also sent a letter apologizing. To make it short Lindy had told them I was bullying her and that Miles had once already cheated on her with me. So that's where we are right now. Take care and shield your back. I do not blame you one bit from taking a step back from Miles.

[00:22:56] All I can say is I hope Lindy faces some serious consequences for the damage that she's done. She made the choice to attack you and it has created this hairline fracture which causing you daily pain now and likely for the foreseeable future possibly forever. And there was other people saying that you know Lindy basically deserves prison time for this because of the damage she's done. OP did reply and said yeah but her side is arguing no accident.

[00:23:25] Basically that the hair pulling should be the offense and I just stumbled as a result. I don't know. M Carly replied to OP and said that's like saying if I punch someone and their head bounces off the curb. I'm not responsible for the injuries that were caused by the curb. None of the following injuries or complications would have occurred if not for the direct actions of the plaintiff. I just forgot the witch's name. She is so responsible for any and all of the injuries that are the result of her assault.

[00:23:54] If not for her yanking in your hair you would have not have fallen. Now I'm mad on your behalf and want to hit her. But just to finish this off I want to say I'm incredibly sorry for what you're going through OP and I think all you need to do right now is prioritize yourself in this situation. Let your father deal with the legalities and you just focus on your own mental well-being and your own health around this at the same time. You were innocent from the beginning yet suffering the most.

[00:24:24] It's it's fucking brutal. Much love to you OP and I really do wish you all the best. Ah deary me. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now our next story comes from Missing Brace who says I'm I the asshole for being angry at my mom for hiding my brace to prove a point.

[00:24:55] I am sometimes running late leaving at 6 instead of 5 45 which gives me time for coffee. I used to have a work start time of 8am but recently due to staffing issues I work at 6 30am. I've also been sleeping poorly because my injured wrist keeps me up. It's a very bad sprain that hasn't healed yet. I go for imaging this coming Monday to see if I tore anything.

[00:25:20] So the last couple of days I've been out the door late by my standards and then twice a week I've needed to run back to the apartment for something like a snack or my coffee. But I've never been late to work because I buffer for traffic. This morning I tried finding my brace but it wasn't where I left it. I halfway looked for it while I got ready and spent half an hour solely searching for it. Only to finally have to give up because I needed to leave as it was 6am.

[00:25:50] I asked my dad while I was looking and he said How should I know where you put your brace? And I said I know but it's not where I put it. He rolled his eyes at me and joked about it growing legs. Later I got to work I texted my mum and she said If you had gotten up earlier you would have had time to find your brace. I explained again it hadn't been where I put it. Kitchen table. We don't use it as a dining table. And she said that people move things on the table all the time.

[00:26:19] I should be more conscientious of my time so I can look elsewhere. I asked point blank. Did you move it? She said you left it in the way. I put it on my bathroom sink. She said in my house I can move whatever I want. I asked why she did it and if she knows how much it hurts me but she still hasn't answered. I'm pissed. I'm in pain. I had to drive in carefully with my wrist still too tender to move. I can't even move my two fingers.

[00:26:47] And typing is going to be brutal all day. I did use an ace bandage but it isn't ideal as it doesn't provide support like I need. Or because my mum wanted to make a fucking scene about my ability to get out the door in time. There's no way it was in her way. Because if so she should have moved other stuff on the table. I'm going to start in the comments with substantial pressure who says Your mother gaslit you, made you late and hid your medical device. Of course you should be mad.

[00:27:16] Not the arse off. Another commenter says not the arsehole. She deliberately lets you suffer in pain to prove her point. This is beyond normal. Anybody who messes up with another person's medical needs is an enormous gigantic arsehole. Enter the hellscape replies to that and says it's an absolute shit point too. In what world would the kid be looking in their parents bathroom for their stuff? A place OP doesn't mention that they go frequently.

[00:27:42] Having 15 extra minutes to search isn't going to help when I would never search there. Also OP or stop phrasing it as late because you are not. Leaving at 6am is right on time. Leaving at 5.45 is early. Leaving at 6.05 example is when you're late. Giving negative connotation to something like that when it's really not gives cunts like your mother ammo against you. Because it makes it seem like you're the one to blame in this scenario.

[00:28:09] But lonely as ghost says it's time to get the fuck away from your trashy abusive parents. Especially your piece of shit mother. I can't even begin to explain just how angry I am for you. But it sounds like her being a giant pile of garbage is par for the course. Disgusting. I'm sorry you had to deal with someone who is only capable of caring about themselves. And doesn't have enough friends to keep them busy. They don't act out like a hungry toddler. And one more comment from throwaway who says. Textbook narcissistic behavior. Your mom.

[00:28:39] I didn't move your brace on purpose. Even if I did. What's the big deal? It's your fault you're at work without it. If you'd gotten up earlier you would have had time to hunt for it. It's not like I'm the one making your wrist hurt at work today. I didn't cause the injury. Look. Stop being upset. I'm sorry you feel this way. Next time just wake up earlier. None of this would be an issue if you could just wake up earlier. I basically took the narcissist prayer and applied it to this situation. Is it accurate?

[00:29:08] I bet it is. And absolutely that's a good point there. And I was just thinking. What is the mother's point in this? What is she trying to achieve? It just feels like a giant power play. But two days later. OP came into the post and said. I meant to do this that same night. But fell asleep earlier than I expected. And was at work all day yesterday. And didn't have the chance to really put in effort in this post. Oops. Then I tried posting it last night.

[00:29:37] And Reddit was glitching out on me. Thursday. I text dad screenshots of my talk with mom. Where she admitted to moving my brace. He didn't respond for a while except to say. But talk at home. After a few hours. And you're not in trouble to reassure me. My lovely work schedule meant that by the time I got home. It was around nine. By then mom and dad had apparently already talked a lot. Dad immediately apologized to me. And gave me my brace back. And asked if I needed eyes or Tylenol.

[00:30:07] He apologized for what mom did. But also for how dismissive he was of me that morning. He would have had lost it due to my own actions. It didn't help me the way he acted. And it was mean and disrespectful. Mom apologized to me. But it didn't feel like she meant it at all. And I felt like she was holding back a lecture. I haven't really talked to her. And she sure as shit hasn't spoken to me since then. So things are really tense to say the least. Dad is also pissed at her. He's even been sleeping on the couch. And he hates doing that.

[00:30:38] I made him a heating pack yesterday morning. Before I left for work. For his hip. Because the couch always hurts him. So yeah. That's it. I'm looking for a place. My friend and her fiancee had offered me a couch to crash on. If I need to get out immediately. Which was nice of them. They are basically my emergency out. I'd only be staying a few days. I'll make sure of that much. I couldn't talk to the leasing office yesterday. So try again later today. If they're in. And Monday if not. How about breaking the lease.

[00:31:07] Since I'm on it too. I told my boss the truth. Of why I didn't have my brace. And he was furious on my behalf. Which was affirming. He even let me have Monday off for my appointment. Even though I didn't put in the time off. And I need to give notice normally. And let me leave earlier than expected. He's a dad himself. And he said that he would never. Ever do this to his own kids. So he doesn't understand my mom at all. He asked if I felt safe. And I said yes. But I honestly never thought about it.

[00:31:36] And the more I think about how things are here. I don't know if I was entirely honest in the moment. I don't trust my mom anymore. And I feel my skin crawling. To be in the same room as her. Basically. I'm in limbo. Waiting to talk to the office about my lease. But there's a couple apartments on my radar. As a given. I've been going over my budget. And spending too. My room is practically packed up. All my shit is in my room. Piles easy to toss into boxes. And I'm going to get a bunch of boxes from a storage store.

[00:32:06] To put into my car today too. The kind you need to just build them up. And fill them and then go. I have my documents. And I have for a while in a safe place. Well not all my stuff is technically in my room. I'm debating taking with me the appliances and furniture. I bought for us all. Like the coffee machine or microwave. Or the ottoman for the loveseat. I know this is an update. But let me know if it would be a dick move. To take the coffee machine, microwave and ottoman. If you feel like it.

[00:32:34] I don't really intend on it. In all honesty. But I'm pissed enough. It sounds like a fun time right now. And we have a further update from OP in a moment. But some people were asking questions. To which OP was replying to. Ginboy5 says take the microwave and your stuff. Because you'll have bigger expenses now. That you'll be on your own. This also will make your mum see what you bought to the place now. That she will have to cover the cost to replace. OP says she's already going to be upset when I leave. Because my portion of the rent and utilities and groceries.

[00:33:04] And other expenses that I pay help a lot. The rent has been going up since we moved in. And at one point dad worked two jobs. And she was working serious overtime. I feel bad knowing that they would struggle to upkeep the cost here. I'd say it is totally fine to take a coffee machine and microwave. That is something you will need. Regarding the bigger piece of furniture. Consider the hustle to transport it. It depends on what you will have at your new place. If there are enough furniture. OP says my boss asking me if I felt safe.

[00:33:33] Made me re-evaluate how I interacted with my mum. In ways I still don't really want to think about. This isn't the first time she's caused me pain to prove a point. Physical or emotional. If you count making me go hungry at a dinner party. Physical pain. And it's not the first time that it has taken more than a day or two. To even talk about it. And I can almost guarantee. She'll continue to explain herself and paint her actions. As reasonable response to what I did. Because of the fact that she's the parent.

[00:34:01] And she and dad have been on release since the start. And I've only been on it since I turned 18. Gamer Princess says I'm so happy to hear your dad realized his mistake. And stood up for you. I can't ever imagine sabotaging someone I love. And risk them making their injury worse. And I don't even have kids. Maybe your dad might be sick enough of your mum to move out with you. So 11 hours after that OP came in and said so. Not gonna do a full fucking post. But yeah. We finally had the talk. I genuinely need insight.

[00:34:30] I feel like I've been made to feel insane for thinking. I could have expected things I put out in a communal area would not be touched. Dad's tried a few times to reassure me. But I'm just not get. But I'm just not getting it. Or it's not sinking in. He's always been the softer disciplinarian. But dad isn't. He was so indulgent of me always. Maybe I'm selfish and not carrying my weight. And maybe dad is hindering me by being so patient. I'm also drunk at the moment. Typing one handed on my phone. So sorry for typos.

[00:35:01] The conversation started out with my mum laying into me for not doing enough to be unintrusive. She said when I cook it reeks because I use curry powder or turmeric or cumin. My food is disgusting to her. Tofu and temper. And I don't keep my leftovers in my drawer in the fridge. Like I do the actual initial product. So she has to deal with a Tupperware full of gelatinous tofu in her face when she opens the door.

[00:35:26] She likened it to congealed semen before dad intervened and said she was going too far. What? Weird. My almond milk keeps finding its own way in front of a half and half creamer. When I vacuum I don't always move the couch and therefore I don't vacuum as part of my household chores. Like almost the entire time of her listing shit I do to deserve Thursday dad kept saying she was going too far and she'd backtrack a little.

[00:35:54] But say it was still disrespectful of the household for me to act that way. Mum said I never fulfilled my promise to go back to school. I pointed out I'm working on it. I'm going to community college a few courses a semester at a time. But took a break because work got crazy on me. And she said that my rent will have to increase because I'm not prioritizing it anymore. When I started crying she said I was being too emotional and told me to go to my room to calm down enough to keep talking like an adult I wanted to pretend to be.

[00:36:22] I've never felt more belittled, insulted and demeaned. And we had some awful fights. I don't know why it hurt so much this time. If I weren't drunk I'd drive over to my friend and stay the night. I don't want to impose on her though by ruining her weekend with my bullshit on top of making her pick me up. Someone says on the back of this what the actual hell. They made you get on the lease at 18. Mummy doesn't get to tell you to do the chores and go to your room anymore.

[00:36:50] They made you a roommate and nothing more. You don't get to tell your roommate what to do. Your mum can fuck right off with her bullshit. So we're up tomorrow and get the hell out. And you know what? Take the goddamn coffee maker, microwave and the ottoman. Roommates take their shit when they leave. Your mum fucked around. She needs to find out. Apologize to your dad if you feel you need to. But he knows this is coming. And he knows exactly why and who is to blame. Plot twist.

[00:37:20] It's not you. I just want to cover one comment because as I was reading them it sort of summed up my thoughts in a much better way than I could. Cut rate cringe says, OP has to pay rent. So she has to work. This means she can't prioritize school. Now her mother wants to make her pay more rent because she can't prioritize school over working. Okay. Mum is crazy. She wants OP to be an adult. She can't still manipulate like a child.

[00:37:48] Hope OP can get out of there and into a better situation. Let mum enjoy moving the couch to vacuum. And absolutely I just hope that OP gets themselves out of that situation as soon as possible. Talk to your friend and lean on those support systems that's willing to support you in this time. I think they will totally understand like I would with any friend who found themselves in a similar situation. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this?

[00:38:17] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now I've had a request recently to explore some other subreddits. And we had a kind person over on our subreddit r slash mark narration suggest the r slash tales from the front desk. And I saw this story and I thought, hey, why not? I like to be of service. This is from other cantaloupe4765.

[00:38:45] And by the way, tales from the front desk is stories from the front desk of hotels and hostels and others in the hospitality industry. It's titled The Lion, The Witch, and the Audacity of This Bitch. Don't book a single room for your whole family under the assumption that we'll upgrade you for free. It baffles me that so many random people walk in and say they would like an upgrade. It doesn't work like that.

[00:39:13] We don't just give free upgrades to anyone who asks. We don't even randomly upgrade the shiny members. If we make a mistake with your room or reservation, we'll ask if it's okay to upgrade you. If we accidentally overbook a certain room type, then we'll offer someone an upgrade. If something in your room is not functioning and it doesn't represent the standards we keep, we'll upgrade you. If it's a slow night and we know you're having a hard time, i.e. had a car accident, escaping domestic violence,

[00:39:42] unexpected death of someone close to you, but quietly ask you if it's okay to upgrade you. Sometimes third parties upgrade people without asking them first and i'm the one who has to take the shit when they don't want that room. Sometimes, a lot of the time, third parties literally just lie to people and sometimes people are entitled bungholes. Even worse are the entitled bungholes who book using third parties. That's the type of person this story is about. I'll call her Kim.

[00:40:12] It's a busy as fuck night. We're completely booked and have no rooms left to sell. So Kim comes in at like 9.30pm having booked a pet friendly single room, one queen bed, as a prepaid, non-refundable reservation made through booting.com. We know who that is, don't we? She comes to the desk, tells me her name and says, and I'll take a free upgrade. Thanks. And then just keeps going through her purse as if she didn't say some entitled shit.

[00:40:42] That ain't how it works, man. I blinked at her a few times until she looked up and I said, I'm sold out. There aren't any other rooms available to upgrade you to. She immediately jumped the saying, well, booting.com told me I could book this room and then ask for an upgrade when I got here and you'd give it to me. Did they now? I can't say whether they did or not. To be honest, it could go either way. I can see booting doing all that shit and I can also see Kim making that up.

[00:41:12] Let me also say that if you book OTA, we aren't giving you an upgrade unless something in your room is seriously fucked and another room of that same type isn't available. I think OTA is online travel agent. So basically booking through a third party. If you book a PPNF, I can't put you in any other room type anyway. When thinking about who to upgrade, we cross off OTA reservations first.

[00:41:38] Mom, even if I did have a room to give you, I wouldn't be able to switch you because you booked a prepaid non-refundable reservation and I'm not able to edit those in that way. But booting.com said you would give me an upgrade. Well, booting.com lied to you, bro. OTA said, like I said, this is the room you book. I'm all sold out and I can't change your reservation. He says, well, what am I supposed to do now? Huh?

[00:42:04] I have my kids and husband with me and we can't all sleep in a single room. Okay, then don't book a single room for your whole last family and assume I'll give you another one for free when you show up. A fucking entitlement. Holy shit. I can't believe I have to say this. But if you're traveling with your whole family, you need to book a room that accommodates your whole family. That's up to you. I can bring some extra pillows and blankets if you'd like.

[00:42:32] And I think I still have a roll away available if you want that. And Kim is Asian and primarily speaks an Asian language. Apologies, I can't differentiate between Chinese, Japanese and Vietnamese, etc. So she's having trouble understanding what I mean by a roll away. I try a few synonyms, cots, portable bed and describing it, but she's not getting it. Which is fine. I can deal with language barriers on the daily with this job.

[00:42:59] Meanwhile, her two daughters are standing a bit behind her while this is all going down. And the older one, probably about 10 or 11 years old, I'd guess steps in to translate it for her, which was super helpful. And Kim says it's not acceptable and wants to be upgraded. I can't give you a room I don't have, your majesty. I said, that's the best I can do. Bottom line. Would you like the roll away bed I offered? Kim starts to take a breath and a 10 year old daughter interrupts her and says, yes. Lol.

[00:43:29] I looked at the daughter and said, sounds good. I'll bring it to your room when I have a minute. And then I finished checking them in. Pretty bad when your 10 year old kid is more reasonable than you are. Shake my head. Oh, and I told my manager about it and she checked the cameras. I thought it was just four she was going to have in the room. My manager told me she counted nine people going into that room. She said, holy shit. It was like a clown car. All those people kept packing in there.

[00:43:56] All I could think was, yep, that's a fire hazard. Insane. People book the room you need. Don't walk in and expect us to give you a free upgrade. A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. I was kind of thinking you spotting all those people going into the room. Don't they have to be like thrown out or something? Surely they're not allowed all those people to just cram into that room or was you just sort of done with that shit. And the fire hazard to go with it as well.

[00:44:25] Absolute batshit crazy. Once I had the most amazing upgrade ever. I don't get many of these things, but when it happens, it's incredible. I went to Manchester and I stayed in the hotel, Dakota, I think it was. And I got in there and, you know, it was just settled down. And they told me that the room was a bit delayed. And I was sat there for a while and nothing was really happening. So I went up and asked them again. And eventually they brought out a manager and said, we'd like to upgrade you.

[00:44:53] And I was like, oh, I kind of liked the room that I had. But they said, oh, we'll put you in the suite. And I thought, is it going to be that much of an upgrade though? And I was like, oh, I'm in an hour about it. Eventually said yes and got taken to this room. And it was just, it was something else. You know, it was too much of a room. If anything, it's bigger than where I live. A steam room in it, a massive shower and a hot tub in the room as well.

[00:45:23] It was just ridiculous. And of course I didn't want to go out for the rest of the day then. And I was hungry for some fried chicken in the evening. So I went out and got some and came back with my bag of chicken. I must've looked like a right idiot. Like going to this, this top floor suite with all this crap in it. And there's me with my little bag of chicken. I'm not sure why I find that funny. Anyway, now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:45:53] Now our next story comes from easy development 6 to 7 and says a landlord attached GPS tracker to my car without my consent or knowledge. Hello, a little background. My partner and I were getting the spare tire to my car unmounted from the bottom of the car. When he discovered a circular magnetic device attached to the lip of the bumper of the car.

[00:46:18] We initially couldn't tell what it was, but after using Google Lens, we discovered that it was a land air sea tracking device. When we discovered this, we were obviously worried, but I was essentially worried because I had been stalked and attacked by an ex in November of last year. Thinking it belonged to him, we followed a police report and had them find out who the owner of the tracker was. To our surprise, the tracker was purchased by a landlord of about 3 years.

[00:46:47] Apparently, he's been checking our location periodically and the device was live when we found it. It came as a huge shock to us because he seemed like a genuinely good person, who has a family, and who even helped us install floodlights and curtains to our home after I was attacked. The police have been trying to contact him to get some answers, but he has not returned their calls. It has only been a day though.

[00:47:11] Other than feeling unsafe in our own home, we also feel like it was a huge invasion of privacy and honestly, a breach of trust. Again, our rapport with him seemed good and he seemed like a family man, so we just want to know what the future of our housing situation is going to be. I live in Oregon, so I know there can be a case made in criminal court. My main question is, would I be able to sue him?

[00:47:35] Sorry if this scene is all over the place, but I found this all out today and I'm still processing what is happening. Any advice would be much appreciated. The update is going to come a year later from this original post. From my perspective, I can't give no legal advice. I don't know enough about this kind of stuff, especially when it comes to US law because it changes all over in different states and stuff like that.

[00:48:03] But I certainly hope that OP can do something about this because that's some creepy ass level behaviour. The question is why and you know, you also ask the future of your housing situation. You know, all I can say is get out of that housing situation as soon as possible. If he's willing to stick a tracker on your car and he's your landlord, it just worries me what else could be in that place. To which the first commenter was thinking similar. They said better check the house for cameras.

[00:48:32] He may have been making sure you weren't home so he could go in and do some more shady shit. Importantly fun replies that says this right here. It's not much more of a thought process on his part to install cameras in the apartment. Be very thorough. Remove vents, outlet covers, especially in bedroom and bathroom. Change Wi-Fi, computer and other device passwords. You might be able to use your cell phone camera to detect the IR light from hidden cameras.

[00:48:59] In the end, it's best to terminate the lease and find a new place. And many of the other comments following that were saying exactly the same thing is, you know, look for those cameras in your apartment that he may be tracking you so he can go into your apartment when you're away, etc, etc. But then the update came in a year later and said, wow, I can't believe it has been almost a year since I posted this.

[00:49:25] A lot has happened between now and then and I could write a novel about these updates. But writing is not my strong suit. So I apologize if this update seems relatively brief. It's a long update, but a lot of things has happened. So as some commenters guessed, it was my ex who attacked and assaulted me in November of 2022, who attached the GPS tracker to my car. My ex from what I remember used Reddit a lot. So I had to wait to give these updates.

[00:49:53] Did I mention that he was an ex that I haven't talked to in over eight years? Anyway, the way he was caught and his behavior following being caught is absolutely unhinged. I posted this the day after the cop showed me that the GPS tracker was registered under my landlord's name. But it soon became very clear that my ex had used my landlord's identity to try and cover his tracks. And he almost got away with it. He put my landlord's name and address as the information for when you register the land, air and sea tracker.

[00:50:24] The cop showed up to my landlord's home and essentially interrogated and questioned him about the situation. Obviously, my landlord had nothing to hide. So he answered their questions, allowed them to search his wallet for any associated credit cards and his phone for any associated numbers. He obviously came up clean. And that's when the real investigating started. The tracker was linked to a track phone that my ex must have been using as a burner phone. It also requires you to make monthly payments via credit card.

[00:50:52] But he would use a prepaid visa that had no name and identity associated with it. He probably also paid cash for these prepaid cards. So all of this covering up and you know what it got him? A woman's voice. Thankfully, the police officer investigating the case took every avenue to catch him, which included setting up a mini sting operation. Since the only lead was the track phone, the officer had a female colleague call the phone number to try and bait him. The call went a little something like this. She said,

[00:51:21] Hi, is this so and so? He said, yes. Who is this? She said, this is so and so from blank bar. We met the other night and you gave me your number. I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out sometime. He said, oh, yeah, I remember you. We should definitely meet up. And so on. The police believe that the recording of the call itself was enough evidence for probable cause, but they wanted to get him meeting her in person to really solidify the PC.

[00:51:47] They were texting back and forth for a while, but I think he eventually realized that it was too good to be true and that the GPS monitor was no longer going anywhere other than the sheriff's office. He must have put two and two together and stopped, but not all hope was lost. The cop got voice verification from me and one other person that could verify that it was his voice. He was arrested for identity theft and illegally affixing a GPS monitor to my car.

[00:52:15] Both can be considered a felony since I had a protective order against him. The process of arresting him and indicting him was no walk in the park though. They gave him the opportunity to turn himself in instead of being arrested by an officer or being picked up. But when he realized the trouble he was in, he checked himself into a mental hospital, which was a loophole for him to not be taken into custody. And which meant a mountain of paperwork for the DA's office to get the charges seen before a grand jury.

[00:52:43] My experience going through the DA's office could be a whole other thread, but I will spare you the details. The grand jury eventually indicts him on both counts and I awaited trial. That should be the end of the story, right? Wrong. Not even two months after he's indicted, I see him outside my house. I was driving home from a date night with my partner and we took a different road that we'd normally take home because we saw some cute ducks in a neighbor's yard that caused us to take a detour.

[00:53:11] Well, thankfully, we detoured that day because as we're about to rear the corner of the road we live on, we saw him. It was broad daylight and he wasn't even trying to hide his identity, it seemed like. In fact, he just looked like a normal guy walking around the neighborhood. At first, I thought I was just seeing things because I didn't think it would be that careless to be that close to my house after everything. I had a no contact order against him that requires not be within 500 feet of my home or vehicle which he was within.

[00:53:42] As we turn the corner and I start noticing him, he notices us and immediately turns himself so his back is facing us and just kind of pauses like he's looking at something, probably hoping that we don't notice that it's him. I tell my partner to stop the car. And when we stop, he starts speed walking the opposite direction of where our car was headed. We circle back around to verify that it was him but at that point, he had disappeared into the bushes.

[00:54:08] We slowly start to head back towards the road we live on, trying to see if we can spot him. As we keep going, he pops out of the bushes about 10 feet ahead of us, makes direct eye contact with us and then starts sprinting up the road. We head his direction to try and get pictures of him. We're able to get two blurry pictures of him, but probably not enough to verify completely that it was him. I filed a police report and talked to his PO about what happened.

[00:54:34] The PO had him come in and get a GPS monitor anklet pending investigation. I also reached out to the cop that helped me with a GPS tracker and assault case. He helped me go to every neighbor's house and ask for video evidence of creepy stalker X. Some neighbors didn't answer, other places didn't have anything. But the place with the bushes? They had a picture and video of him clear as day crouching in their bushes. Needless to say, he's currently in jail facing multiple charges against him.

[00:55:03] I want to delve into more detail about the justice system and my grief with it, but for now, I will just end on a positive update. Thank you to those who gave me advice and showed actual concern. For those who commented that this was an ad for land air sea tracking device? Piss off. I also want to acknowledge the cop who has been helping me ever since I was first attacked. He saw me right after I was assaulted in 2022 and saw how shaken up I was.

[00:55:30] He went out of his way to do a sting operation on the GPS tracker and he went door to door to find video evidence of my stalker. I don't think the average cop would do half the work he has done. I will be forever grateful for that. All I can say after this one is I'm so glad you're doing well, Opie. And it's not to just think of the alternatives of what his ultimate plan would be.

[00:55:53] The effort he's gone to to put a tracker and trying to keep his identity hidden in some ways, using your landlord's identity and then literally walking about outside your house, hiding in bushes, all this kind of stuff is unhinged behavior. I watch a lot of documentaries about, you know, people that's being stalked and not being taken very seriously. And it's absolutely terrifying. So I'm glad to see something is being done in this situation. It's likely because of his past history, of course.

[00:56:23] But I'm so glad that something was being done. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from our very own subreddit r slash Mark Narrations. It does have an update as well. It's from any significance, please. Who says, am I the asshole for clearing my desk?

[00:56:54] I 27 female worked in an office for the last six years. Got the job right out of school. Shared an office space with a coworker, Melinda, fake name. And set up the desk to my specifications. Melinda came to work for the company about two years after I started. There were times off and on that Melinda would borrow my things, but they were returned promptly and in the same condition she borrowed them in. If she ever needed something while I was out of the office, she would shoot off a text.

[00:57:23] Mostly she kept losing her scissors, stapler and pens. For lack of a better word, the materials were boring. But pens were normal looking while mine were stupidly over the top, fluff ball tops. This was to hunt them down and if anyone borrowed them. My stapler was shaped like a black cat. My sticky notes, folders, binders and paper clips ranged in color because I color coordinate. I had different colored highlighters, pens and tape.

[00:57:51] I gave all the old office stuff I was given back to my boss so I could use my own setup at the desk to keep me organized efficiently. Things like folder holders, organizing in baskets, etc. I brought in an electric kettle, a special chair for my back and a mini drink fridge that Melinda sometimes borrowed for her milk for her coffee. My desk has always had the same setup and I would clean it regularly. During the different seasons, I had little things to set on my desk. A snowman and a Santa for Christmas.

[00:58:21] A Jack O'Lantern for Halloween. A set of bunnies for Easter, etc. Nothing overly big or fancy. Just something to give a seasonal vibe on a small corner of the desk. Most people would go over the top at their desk with decorations which is perfectly fine. One guy would always wrap his desk in Christmas paper wrapping. I only had little knick knacks. This is just to give an idea of how everything looked. A promotion was handed down during the retirement of one of the older members of the company. I was the one promoted.

[00:58:50] I should point out that I got this promotion because I would hand off holidays to other coworkers to stay and work. I excelled in my job. I put in the work. With the promotion came a new office that I did not have to share in another section of the company. I warned Melinda of the upcoming changes and said she would likely have a new person in my role in a week or so. She made the comment. That's fine since I will switch to your desk. I thought it was because she wanted near the window now so I didn't have anything to say.

[00:59:20] I got in about two hours early this morning and moved all of my personal belongings off the desk. I packed it all up, mini fridge and chair included, and took it all to my new office. I handed off the old desk things and chair to the proper people and cleaned and then set up. I have much more room in the office and I'm not sure yet how to use this space efficiently. About the time Melinda gets into work normally, she came storming into my office yelling at me for taking the good stuff.

[00:59:50] I am in no way her boss, manager or supervisor now because I've moved to a new section. I listened to her rant and rave about my stapler, my pens and my chair before finally asking if she was done. That seemed to be the wrong thing to ask because she went off about the mini fridge, the organization tools, and my little leg bike thing that I have to keep my legs from cramping or getting deep vein thrombosis from sitting too much.

[01:00:15] I finally told her that she needed to leave and come back when she was ready for a calm conversation because I will not sit there and listen to her scream. As she stormed out of the room, she called me a greedy bitch. She has been telling the office I stole from her. Everyone here knows about my color coordination, my weird pens and my chair and mini fridge. They say I'm an odd duck but they still think I'm friendly. I let a breastfeeding mother put her milk in my fridge for months so it wouldn't be tampered with.

[01:00:44] She kept a supply at home and would pump regularly. The office watched me lug it all in the first week I was working so no one is taking her seriously. Am I the arsehole? Now first I just want to say I kind of like that your company allows you to do that sort of thing, personalize your own setup. I've worked for companies that were absolute pains in the nutsacks. One of the last companies I worked for your desk pretty much had to be pristine, no knickknacks on it.

[01:01:12] If you're not using it, it needs to be put away in the drawer in the appropriate place. I had to have a back and forth discussion via email why I had two keyboards on my desk because one I use for like macros and stuff or like video editing. And the other was just set up as a standard keyboard. And let me tell you, it was such a it wound me up as like how can I explain this any clearer? It was like, no, can't you just get it out when you need to use the macro?

[01:01:42] So I was like, oh, my word. Really? Why is this bothering you so much? But this is just simply it was your property. Not sure why she's getting in such an arse about it. Just tell her to piss off. Simple as that to me. I mean, I suppose you because you're in a company setting, you need to be a little more diplomatic than that, I'm sure. So, you know, talk to the appropriate people about it. But Noir says not the arsehole, but do run over to HR.

[01:02:11] You can't have people just straight up show up to yell at you for moving your personal property to your new office. Preach, my friend. Preach. Also, this is very odd behavior. Even if they were office owned supplies, as you said, you're usually supposed to return those to whomever is in charge of the office supplies. If she wants fluff top pens, she can put in a requisition. Not go and verbally assault random coworkers. Seriously, you need to start a paper trail on this person. Enter the hellscape says.

[01:02:41] 100% an email to HR and Melinda's manager. Just the angry conversation. Yeah, OP could just handle it herself between the two of them. But with Melinda very loudly calling her a greedy bitch and now no doubt badmouthing her to others. That's defamation and hurting OP's character. Given that she just got a promotion, words like that could lead to people thinking she was the wrong hire and really hurt her upwards movement.

[01:03:08] Ginger inside 007 says totally not the arsehole. This happened with one of my coworkers years ago. Oddly enough, found a lot of her colored folders left behind since she left the office since COVID and working from home. And the manager lady demanded she either go to the manila colored folders or ugly green ones because it made everyone else feel unimportant. Hmm. Oh, deary me.

[01:03:34] She did eventually go to HR because that manager took some of her stuff when she was on vacation and said, I decided to get the same things as you since I wanted to coordinate. I'm charging the company for what I bought. Lady never bought it. She stole it and charged the company. When that came out, the lady had to not only reimburse the company, but the coworker too. Then the lady retired soon after and she was meddling in other people's business, including mine, where we had zero contact due to our jobs.

[01:04:03] Congrats on the promotion. Keep being your individual self and use the goodies that work for you. Oh yeah. Congratulations from myself, by the way, as well. Good shout there, Ginger. So then OP came in with the update and said, I followed the big advice I kept getting about making time to meet with HR. I made an appointment, got in contact with a few people who witnessed her yelling and others who she told was stealing her stuff. So I had evidence at hand.

[01:04:31] I had all my invoices for everything I had bought with my own money. Thank you for this bit of advice. It really saved me. My appointment was first thing in the morning, but to my surprise, it already caught wind of the problem. HR was quite disappointed in me at the start of the meeting. I let them talk until they started in about me returning my stolen items. I handed over all of the invoices and asked them to explain how I was to return the items I myself bought with my own money.

[01:05:00] They quickly and profusely apologized. They said Melinda, fake name of my co-worker, had caused such a stir among the co-workers and people were getting upset. I told them their apology meant very little to me because it showed how quickly they would jump to a random claim of anything negative. There is a difference between being proactive and negligent. They are upset to hear that, but understood.

[01:05:23] I demanded the allowance of a sort of nanny cam in my office and change of locks that let only myself, my immediate boss and the maintenance man to have a copy. Both demands were promptly met. They drafted the email sent to Melinda with my approval and sent it off. They then held a meeting to clear the bad air Melinda had left around the office, waiving my invoices as proof. Melinda was not present for the meeting, but I did see her boss leading her to the HR department a little while later.

[01:05:52] It looked like she had been crying. Others came up to me to either tell me they had never believed her or apologized for wondering if what she was saying was true. My new co-workers told me this was an epic start to my new beginning in their section. One of the ladies said I had a shiny spine to scold HR of all departments. They all seem like lively and well connected people. I'm a little worried about trying to find a place to fit since I don't usually fit well with people.

[01:06:20] Again, thank you everyone for your help and votes. And because it's on our own subreddit, I'm just going to read the top comment from this update from Busy Suspects6278 who said I was waiting for this post. Good for you. So happy you're able to get everything in order and arrived with receipts. Frankly, HR should be ashamed for immediately picking a side instead of being a neutral party.

[01:06:46] You are a winner here. Congrats and I hope you mesh well with the new crew you're going to be working with. Absolutely. I'm glad OP did get this sorted. And like they said, HR to jump on one side immediately like that without any discussion is absolute batshit crazy in my opinion. Not surprising, but still crazy. And to me it sounds like you're going to be a good fit with the new team.

[01:07:13] And I really hope that you are and enjoy your new position with less drama going forward. Anyway, now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now our next story comes from let's okay 8529 who says my fiance's grandma's 75 female made a wild accusation against me 27 male considering removing her from our wedding guest list.

[01:07:44] This last weekend we had my fiance's family visit and it was an overall disaster. I've known her family since 2015. We recently bought a house and had an old college roommate move in to help out since we have spare bedrooms. My fiance and her sister had a small argument over her sister's behavior. They made up and I assumed everything was fine. I was in the bathroom during the argument. With everything settled we planned to go to dinner.

[01:08:13] My roommate and I drove her grandparents and my fiance drove with the remainder of the family. We split like this because we are the only two who know the parking lot. My fiance and I. But her grandma was silent the entire drive. When we arrived at dinner her grandma started glaring at all of us. She eventually refused to order and went to sit outside the restaurant. We assumed she wasn't feeling well and went back to the hotel or was still upset about the argument.

[01:08:41] The following day she refused to come to a family dinner I was preparing for all week. We figured she was still upset. We were annoyed by the rudeness and blatant disregard for all the work we put in but we still had fun. She ended up staying at the hotel for the remainder of the trip. The rest of her family continued to visit with us and the trip ended on a happy note. The next day I noticed that her grandma blocked my entire family on Facebook.

[01:09:08] We spoke to my future mother-in-law and got the real story. Apparently on the way to dinner her grandma thought that our roommate and I were getting too friendly. She is somehow convinced that I am going to leave my fiance for our roommate. Steal our house and have my family help. My fiance was shocked to the point of being speechless. When she was sitting outside the restaurant she was nearly storming back in and accusing us in front of the entire restaurant.

[01:09:37] She has not spoken to her since and is apparently acting like everything is normal now that she is home. My fiance's family have all been apologizing and assuring us that none of them think that that's what is happening. I guess what really upsets me is the lack of care for planning I put into the dinner and that she thinks that lowly of me. I've never done anything to suggest those are my intentions and have been nothing but excellent to her granddaughter. What also upsets me is my grandma was so excited to see her grandma.

[01:10:05] My grandma is not doing well health wise and we don't know how much longer she'll be around. The disappointment in my grandma's face hurt me knowing she wouldn't be able to visit with somebody she hasn't seen in years. My fiance and I have talked and do not believe we've done anything wrong. We're currently holding a wedding invitation. I still really care for her other family members until we get some kind of apology. If it were up to me I'd cut all ties but I'm willing to get over that for a day if my fiance really wants her grandmother there.

[01:10:34] She's never been anything but kind to me. So this sudden shift is shocking. So some relevant comments on this one. Jammy Cam says maybe she is beginning to suffer some cognitive issues. If she hasn't behaved like this in the past then don't cut her off just because of one incident. Your fiance should speak to her parents about any concerns and figure out together what needs to be done. If anything, do not push her to cut ties with grandmother.

[01:11:01] Smoothad says my mother's aunt accused me of stealing her jewelry or staying in a house during college. We understood something was wrong and she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I was living in a dormitory and didn't see her since high school. Man Bear Boar says OP. I know you've said your mother-in-law is having her screened at her next follow up. She needs a psychiatrist or a neurologist or both. A dramatic shift in behavior coupled with the fear and anger you're describing here

[01:11:27] is a classic and common sign of Alzheimer's that fits with her age range. I'm sorry you're going through this and I know it's incredibly hurtful. I know it's difficult but I would suggest dropping it aside from advocating for her medical care. The real and devastating effects of Alzheimer's on the brain essentially means that she is no longer herself in those moments. It is not the person you know doing those things. Have someone assigned as a grandma minder at the wedding to keep her behavior in check and remove her if she's beginning to have an outburst.

[01:11:57] Best of luck. Heaton Rhodes says I understand this is upsetting but I don't think you're being rational about this. She's an elderly woman and this indicates there's some type of cognitive problem. It shouldn't upset you what she thinks about you because she's not thinking logically. It can be upsetting to have family members who have these type of issues but a lot of people deal with it as relative age. You need to be the bigger person here and the kinder person and have some compassion.

[01:12:24] Destroyer says look we can all sit around playing reddit doctor and guess what? UTI, dementia, Alzheimer's condition the grandmother may or may not have. But playing the guessing game accomplishes nothing and doesn't move anything forward. Wait for what the actual doctors say and go from there regarding whatever her condition may be. In the meantime and quotes when she was sitting outside the restaurant. She was near storming back in and accusing us in front of the entire restaurant and says this needs to be planned for.

[01:12:54] While empathetic to the grandmother's situation. I wouldn't let one of the biggest happiest moments of your lives be ruined by acting like everything is okay. And blindly assuming she won't storm in and accuse us in front of everyone at your wedding. I'm sorry. I truly empathize and hope she gets the care that she needs. Whatever the cause. But you don't have to create this risk and stand on the altar hoping she doesn't do it. She didn't have to cut old ties. Get some answers first.

[01:13:22] But regardless having the person that was seriously considering storming in and accusing you in front of everyone at your wedding is a horrible, horrible idea. And I kind of assume because of the nature of the story and especially OP's last line where he said she's never been anything but kind to me. So the sudden shift is shocking. And you know whenever we get a sudden shift of behavior. That's the chance it points to you know cognitive issues, etc, etc. We've seen it in previous stories as well.

[01:13:49] And before I say my next line, I'm definitely not saying that's not the case. But I will also say that sometimes people are just assholes. And I think you know we need to point that out at the same time. Obviously the switching behavior does point in that direction because it's just a sudden change and everything was fine before this. But I feel like I'm very much with Destroyer's comment on this one where it said you know playing the guessing game isn't really going to help.

[01:14:14] You can just sit back, wait to see what the doctors say, and then you can go from there. Whilst also planning ahead for various scenarios. Because at your wedding, you don't want nothing like that going on at your wedding. Holy moly. So then OP came in with an update and said, Heyo, so I made this post two weeks ago about my fiance's grandma accusing me of wanting to cheat on my future wife with our roommate. Since then things have developed quite rapidly. She finally called my fiance last night.

[01:14:44] The call lasted all of three minutes and was lots of awkward silence and this wasn't meant to hurt you. My fiance, not me. And I'm still afraid for you. The call ended and my fiance didn't change her feelings on this situation. Not being satisfied, my fiance called her back the following morning and explained she didn't like how the call went.

[01:15:11] My fiance was also told to protect your home and evict her. I was offended by you're expecting too much of him. Me. You work nights and leave those two at home. He's no saint. She cited a previous relationship between my fiance's aunt and a man. They were engaged and he cheated on her. The aunt has said several times this situation is no way near alike and that I am not like that man. Her grandma has doubled down on her theories and has not apologized.

[01:15:41] She is also convinced I'm the one that removed her from the guest list. I've voiced my opinion but have left the ultimate final choice up to my fiance who seems pretty set on her not being invited. I know a lot of replies mention dementia but based on what my future mother-in-law has said this has happened before. I'm wondering if she's just expecting to get away with it because she always has. With all of these recent developments would it be bad to leave her off the guest list?

[01:16:09] I'm worried it will cause a fight or she will say something and ruin our big day. So personally for me reading that and seeing that she's got a pattern of this kind of behavior. And of course I'm still not saying it can't be something cognitive or whatever. But because of the pattern of the behavior and seeing it's happened before etc etc. It kind of feels like myself I'd be really concerned that that was going to happen at the wedding.

[01:16:36] And the way that she thinks about the OP and if I was in OP's position I thought you know someone's thinking about me in that way. Would I want them at my special day? No I wouldn't. And whilst the fiance seems to be on OP's side in this I would still be relaying those feelings to the fiance and saying look. I'm not really comfortable with someone who might turn up make an absolute scene in front of everyone. Doesn't think about me in a positive light anyway.

[01:17:05] Why should I pay for them to be at an event? You know I mean. But Golden Dragon says since you are the innocent party here. Where your in-laws and your fiance believed in you. You should leave the decision to your fiance to invite her grandma or not. Because by your post it seems that her grandma's accusation has no ground. And she's stating nonsense due to seeing her own daughter's betrayal. Her family knows their grandma best and they can make the decision regarding her. Because it will be a heavier burden for them later on.

[01:17:35] Whether they will regret or rejoice in having her presence. And if they want their grandma present while you don't. You may cause tension as well. You can avoid the confusion, hurt and mistake by allowing your fiance to make this decision. And just abiding and following through with her. Levi Moonbeam says frankly I'd be afraid of her making a scene at the wedding. Like standing up and screaming objections in the middle of the ceremony. Maroon Grad says this was my thought too.

[01:18:03] My fiance isn't inviting her grandmother because her grandmother doesn't approve of the marriage. And has been trying to cause problems between us. My fiance doesn't want to deal with her grandmother continuing to make a scene at the wedding. When people ask be blunt. Tell the simple truth. Fiance's grandmother. Fiance's decision. Grandmother's bad behavior. Another commenter says this is the way a lot of older, especially religious people are.

[01:18:30] I have two female cousins that are like sisters to me. And they consider me their little brother. About 20 years ago they were living together in a house in a major college town in the south. The older one got married and moved with her husband across the country. I was living about a thousand miles away at the time going to college. But my roommate was moving out and I was looking for something new. My cousin and I started talking about me moving down and transferring schools. Her parents got wind of it and cried out.

[01:18:59] What would people think? We were both puzzled as we had no idea what they were talking about. Turns out they thought people would think that since we are a man and a woman living together. Even in separate rooms. That people would get the wrong idea. We just laughed and said this isn't Alabama or West Virginia. Remarkable C says does grandma's presence bring your fiancee joy? If not she doesn't deserve to go to your wedding. Weddings should be happy occasions.

[01:19:26] Grandma seems to be a miserable woman who wants everyone else to be miserable too. Wildly uninteresting says considering her constant efforts to cause trouble. Leaving her off the guest list is the wisest choice. Better her unhappy and not ruining your wedding than unhappy and present. If anyone asks it was a tough choice but grandma has been trying to constantly cause issues with us. We didn't want the risk on this day with unnecessary drama. Be certain or have a plan if she forces herself there.

[01:19:56] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the Am I the Asshole subreddit from localhoneydew who says am I the asshole for insisting my friends SO pay their share for holiday accommodation.

[01:20:20] My friend male 47 and I female 43 booked to go to an island we'd both been keen to go to. We booked a two bed cabin and because of the popularity of their place we had to book and pay 10 months in advance. We split the cost 50-50. Two months ago before we were due to go. He meets someone and they commence dating. Holiday comes up and understandably she was a bit uncomfortable with him coming with me. I was given an ultimatum.

[01:20:49] Either she comes or the holiday is called off. I didn't say yes immediately because I needed to check with the accommodation and as the island has a limited number of guests allowed I needed the okay from them first. My hesitation wasn't taken well. They thought I wasn't keen. I got back to them within 24 hours and said I'd gotten the all clear for his girlfriend to also come and she could book plane tickets for her.

[01:21:12] A week later he informed me she had the tickets and I asked him we could discuss rebalancing the accommodation costs now that there was three of us coming as it should now be a three way split. I was surprised that he responded with anger. As far as he was concerned the accommodation was paid for and it was wrong and greedy of me to expect money from his girlfriend. He told me that he was paying for the entire holiday for his girlfriend so it was still going to be just him and me paying.

[01:21:41] So it was unfair of me to not pay for half. I told him that there's three adults, three people, three way split. If he chose to pay for his girlfriend's third that was his choice and nothing to do with me. He told me his girlfriend was going to buy me a cocktail. Cheeky bastards. To say thank you for the accommodation. But if I was going to insist on a split then I could forget it and buy my own.

[01:22:08] I could forget it and buy my own damn cocktails. As he couldn't believe I was being so selfish. The thing is, a cocktail is $15 and I was currently covering half her accommodation costs, $600. I don't think I was an asshole for asking her slash them to cover her share of the accommodation. I hadn't even met her yet but they thought I should cover her cost because it was already paid for.

[01:22:35] Am I the asshole for insisting she paid for her component of the cost? Now I know you probably want your holiday OP. It sounds like you've been looking forward to it for some time. But if I was in your situation and petty me would just say I'd cancel it if you can. Get your money back because it sounds like regardless if you if you was to go if they was to split it three ways. It sounds like it would still be like a shit time to me. It sounds like it'd be awful with the attitude that you're getting already.

[01:23:04] The attitude in itself. If you was coming along if you was invited last minute on someone else's holiday. I'd want to speak to that person myself and say is you sure you don't mind me coming? If you do then I'm out because I get where you're coming from. You've had this holiday booked in advance. Not expect that person to front the cost of my accommodation. And you know we're just talking about accommodation at this point in time. What else is this going to go into? And just think in the evenings like we've done some stuff.

[01:23:33] You might have gone to the beach all day or you know gone out walking or whatever. You come back you want to chill. Best on the sofa all being lovey-dovey you know first holiday vibes together and all that kind of stuff. Who knows what other sounds you might be hearing. It just sounds like a shit time I gotta say. But just hanging out says not the asshole. Pull out of the vacation if you can still get a full refund. This will not end up being fun for you. Summer Oracle says this OP. This is a very real chance this trip is going to be unpleasant for you.

[01:24:03] Potentially even doing permanent damage to your friendship. Passionate Absorber says good suggestion. I have a feeling this is going to turn into a romantic getaway third wheel situation. If that relationship even lasts that long. Boo Boo says being forced to be a third wheel is bad enough. Without being expected to pay for the privilege. Also a free holiday in exchange for one cocktail. Get the fuck. Uh. Ligma says not the asshole. Is it too late to get a refund on anything?

[01:24:34] I don't want to spend a single second with them considering they're treating you like trash for asking for a simple contribution. On a trip that the new girlfriend has weaseled her way into. I bet my bottom dollar that she either can't afford and is insecure or she's just that entitled. If he's paying for a whole trip then he needs to cough up more for the stay. Bad friend. OP says I'm super tempted to throw it all in. Demands have started about removing myself from the cabin to give them privacy.

[01:25:03] And canceling pre-booked plans because she doesn't want to do them. Yeah cancel this shit right now. Holy moly. The OP comes in with her update and says thank you everyone. Interesting to see various lines of thoughts. It seems there's a split between people that think everyone pays equally no matter what. Those that think a couple sharing a bedroom are treated as one person cost wise. And those that think the cost should be split taking into account the shared area. One third per bedroom.

[01:25:32] One third shared spaces. With this in mind and everything else going on I called the accommodation and discussed options. Then called my friend. I explained to him that we'd made the agreement to split everything equally when there was only two of us going. But I no longer felt that agreement was fair. I suggested the third option. Splitting the cost of the communal areas three ways but set cost per bedroom. And also stated that any food activities etc. wouldn't be split anymore.

[01:25:59] We'd each be responsible for our own and they could decide as a couple how they were paying for themselves. It didn't go down well at all. He didn't see why he should be out of pocket because I decided to go against our agreement that I'm paying 50% of everything. I stuck to it and said I'd be willing to negotiate the accommodation costs but there was no way I was going to pay for half of his girlfriend's activities or dinners and drinks. And it was ridiculous for him to think that I should be paying half for his girlfriend's costs.

[01:26:28] Especially since she's a complete stranger. And he'd already asked me to change all of our previous plans to suit her. He called me a b-word and told me I was acting crazy. I stopped him and said from that I don't think this holiday is going to work. And I'd spoken to the accommodation and I was going to cancel as of today. I told him if he still wanted to go then the accommodation would hold open the booking for him for 72 hours.

[01:26:54] And if he confirmed with them I'd instructed them to hold on to the $1800 as what it contributed to the booking and refund me the rest. And his girlfriend and him would have to pay the hotel to finalize. If they didn't confirm I'd get the refund for the whole amount and then forward him his share. He went quiet and then told me that since I was changing the rules at the last minute. I should leave the entire accommodation payment because it wasn't his fault that I no longer wanted to go. Leaving them in the lurch.

[01:27:23] And I'd be ruining his holiday with his girlfriend. I told him I was cancelling and I would definitely not be paying for any accommodation. I wouldn't be using. I might have been a little petty when I told him he'd still be paying for his girlfriend's costs. It'd just be a little more than he was expecting because I was no longer going to subsidize them. I cancelled my flights and the accommodation and emailed him all the details. And OP leaves another message update in a moment but Jules Me says

[01:27:51] Wow I'm so sorry. They're both immature. I bet you she is young. Offering a cocktail and then taking it back. She's young or broke or cheap. Not someone you want to go on a nice trip with. I would say since there are so many requests by her. This has become a trip more about her and therefore needs to be split three ways. How is it fair she can kick me out of the cabin? Sadly you may lose a friend over this. He's obviously siding with his two minute jealous girlfriend over a long term friend.

[01:28:21] OP says she's 51. So the oldest. I don't know her at all. Never met her so can't say whether she's cheap or broke. Hippie Tappy Slappy says Who is this guy to you? How did you meet him? How long have you known him? I cannot fathom someone expecting this from someone else. It sounds like an obvious self-centered sibling taking advantage of a family bond type of entitlement. This can't have been the first time he has done something this inconsiderate. OP says

[01:29:19] Before he'd at least discuss things. Talk options. This time was like hitting a brick wall. His way or no way. He decided this was going to happen without talking to me and then got angry when I wanted to discuss it first. Then OP left the final update and said I haven't kept in contact with them for obvious reasons but through some mutual type of friends I found out the following. They planned to go but tried to find keeper accommodation on the island.

[01:29:45] So let the hold expire without making any contact with the accommodation. From my understanding everything was booked up completely that weekend and for the next six months. They lost the option to use the cabin and someone immediately booked it when it became free. There's a waitlist. I received back the full deposit and immediately transferred his portion to him as I stated I would. Never got an acknowledgement he received it but it was an account I had paid into previously. My bank assured me it was good.

[01:30:13] A mutual friend told me the ex was pissed off as against my advice he had bought non-refundable, non-transferable plane tickets and refused to buy travel insurance. So he's out the cost of those fares. About $3,200. And that because I pulled out his holiday with his girlfriend was totally ruined and I owed him an apology and the cost of the fares. Not going to happen. Myself, I've booked a holiday back at the island where I'm in a single apartment by myself

[01:30:42] and plan to have an awesome time. I will never not be shocked by some people's entitlement. The words come out of this 47 year old guy's mouth that he's expecting OP to front the cost here. As I was reading through it, I was thinking, oh God, is he just like, because he's in this like honeymoon period with his girlfriend. Is he just blinded by love? But it seemed like he's always been this way. Just small parts of it coming out time and time again.

[01:31:12] What a book. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, our next story comes from Dazzling P from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and says, Am I the arsehole for making my family cancel their vacation because I won't watch their dogs? No. You got me.

[01:31:41] Let's read the story first, Mark. Come on now. Not the a-hole. My parents, 82 male, 75 female, asked if I would help them book a much needed vacation. They also asked me to do the same for my brother, 43 and sister-in-law, 33, because they wanted to take a family vacation in September. My husband, 46 and I, 41 female, can't afford to go because I'm currently out of a job. Even though this would be the first family vacation I have ever missed and it made me really sad.

[01:32:11] I said I would of course help. My mum even mentioned to me that in a good way it's good because I'd be able to watch my brother's pugs and my parents' chihuahua. Here's the thing about watching the dogs. It's a 24-7 job that requires me to stay at my brother's house. The dogs are wonderful but very high maintenance. Because of this, I've been telling my brother for nearly 10 years that he needed to hire a dog sitter. Money isn't an issue for him.

[01:32:37] I've dogs sat for them three times this past year, varying from one to five nights. They paid me well but I do not feel comfortable staying at their house and I find their around-the-clock care exhausting. My husband and I have five cats and we're no stranger to feeling like our pets are our kids but we don't have dogs for a reason. Now, I'm supposed to be booking this trip for my brother but he hasn't even asked me about watching the dogs. Sunday at family dinner, everyone is sitting there except my sister-in-law who was ill.

[01:33:07] My brother was sitting across from me so I reach out to hold his hand and say that I love him, I love the pugs but I can't watch them when they go on vacation and they need to get a dog sitter. I said it was too much to ask me to be trapped in their house for seven nights and I've been asking him to hire a dog sitter for nearly a decade. I even offer suggestions and said I'll help find someone. He starts to get reactive and says that they won't watch my cats anymore.

[01:33:33] I said that's fine, we have a cat sitter but I point out that I ask them if they can help. They on the other hand, didn't ask me. My brother finally concedes that it is a lot to ask seven nights and five dogs. Excuse me? Yes, five dogs because his mother-in-law apparently was planning to go too. So now added to the mix are two Italian greyhounds. I stay calm and gently point out that I felt this way before knowing there were five dogs. Can you imagine how I felt?

[01:34:02] He seemed to understand. By the time I left dinner there were hugs and kisses and all was well. I knew my brother was upset but he seemed to understand and was really proud of putting up boundaries. The next evening I called my parents to see if they have heard from my brother. Apparently called him after he got home from family dinner and was blindsided by me. My sister-in-law was just as upset as him too. They think I'm throwing a tantrum because I can't go on the vacation. Well yes, that sucks.

[01:34:30] I told him my real issue is being trapped at their house for seven nights. Now they're cancelling the vacation because I won't watch the dogs. Am I the asshole for telling them I won't do it? I was like confused at the start. I kind of got like the parents asking OP to help. They're 82, 75. Perhaps not very good with technology. I'm going down that route at the moment. So they needed some assistance booking some kind of vacation. Fair enough.

[01:34:57] But then they ask can you do it for the brother and sister-in-law 43 and 33. I mean if they're going as well why can't they book it? Why is this falling on OP to begin with? But this is an absolutely not the asshole from me. The absolute entitlement to expect you to be doing this and then get angry that you're not is just insane. It's a huge ask to be doing this. Seven nights staying there with five dogs is a lot of work.

[01:35:26] It's a lot of walking. It's a lot of cleaning up after them. A lot of feeds. Whilst you're stuck in a place that you don't want to be. That's a big ask. And you wasn't harsh about telling him. You reached across held his hand and said that you love him and tried to say it as a gentle way as possible. You know this is on them. You sound like a kind-hearted individual that tried letting them down as gently as you could and they got offended by it. That's on them. They need to really take a long hard look at themselves.

[01:35:54] So having hope says to the OP not the asshole. They're grown people who had plenty of time to find arrangements for their dogs. Didn't they have someone else to watch the dogs when you all travel together? Is this a weird ploy to punish you by making you feel guilty or something? Seems reactive. OP says the only time we have all traveled together was for my brother's wedding, which the dogs came to. This would be an international beach trip which we haven't had in I guess over a decade.

[01:36:20] To be fair he couldn't go on the last trip in 2015 and I went. But I only had one cat that had no special requirements at the time so my roommate watched her. So I feel bad for him not being able to go on a family vacation. Although it feels self-induced to me at this point, but I'm very emotional and I can't tell if my judgment is clouded. Lego Panda Bear says, Not going is his choice. He could find or pay a dog sitter if he wanted. He's blaming you to divert the blame from himself.

[01:36:50] You are doing what is best for you. Mrs says this 100%. Our two dogs go on their doggy daycare when we go on vacation. I believe everyone is happier. If my DH and I travel without our son, my parents take care of all of them at our house. Arsimonious Salad says, Not the arsehole. They can hire a pet sitter. It's not your household to take responsibility for. Edit, I also don't understand why they needed your help to book it. Opie says,

[01:37:17] Oops, I took that part out because I was way over the character limit. I can book like a travel agent and waive my commission so they can save a few hundred. Okay. I realize how awful that sounds in context of this post, but it's easy for me to do. And as someone that loves to do things for others, but currently doesn't have the budget for it, it's something I'm happy to do. Peter Haven says, So they get a discount by not paying you for your services and expect you to watch five dogs 24-7 and live apart from your spouse to do so.

[01:37:47] How much do they usually pay you for the normal three? Because I bet it's not nearly as generous as they tell you it is. Opie responds saying, So this isn't a super common situation for us. Despite what my harping on for this 10 years implies. I went over my character limit. So I couldn't add this bit of context. My brother set the precedent nearly 10 years ago that the dogs could never be alone at night because of separation anxiety. So when he was single and traveling for work, my mom had to stay the night there with the dogs.

[01:38:16] And since she lived closer than me and I had an office job, she would go back and forth to the house every five hours to let them out. Back then I used to say it wasn't fair to mom and that he needed to hire a dog sitter. My mom loved it because the pug cuddles are amazing and they're good dogs. I was still vocal that it was way too much to ask mom. Last year my husband and I bought a house a mile away from my brother. The dog care has fallen to me because why would I make my mom continue to do that when it's easier for me?

[01:38:44] The first time I did it, I was extremely anxious, but I didn't complain because it was so my brother and sister-in-law could take a family vacation with her dying father. I had four dogs then and it was $500 for five days. To be completely honest, I would not have accepted the money if I hadn't just lost my job. To me, that is what family is for. There's another couple of times for one and then three nights due to a family emergency with my sister-in-law's family. So again, no problem. I've dropped by a couple of times to let the dogs out back to potty when asked.

[01:39:14] And even recently there was a day that neither my mom or I were available to let the pugs out when a situation came up. I specifically told my brother he needed to have a trusted pet sitter on hand and hire them before he needs them. But this is the first time that I feel it's completely different and not right for them to ask me to do all this. It's like taking advantage and it feels like when my mom had to stay there, when my brother traveled all over again. And I'm not willing to put myself through it for a long vacation when this is exactly the scenario I've been harping on.

[01:39:45] So I think it's fair to say the post was overwhelmingly not the arsehole in this situation. OP came in with an update and said, my brother apologized and we're having a very good and calm conversation. We were getting to a point where I was willing to make a compromise because I finally felt hurt. Whenever I see lines like we were getting to a point, I know something bad's coming.

[01:40:08] Then my sister-in-law who had an attitude the whole time, snappily said, okay, so what do we need to do to resolve this? Things started to get heated because I felt her tension and tried to acknowledge it. I said that I was really hurt by my sister-in-law's actions. I left it out of my original post but she was complaining about helping me clean my house before my wedding. I later found out that she told my dad that I had moldy dishes in the sink and that was humiliating. I said it hurt a lot when I learned she brought it up again as part of her argument.

[01:40:38] Why should I watch the dogs? She sarcastically said, oh, so I'm the villain. I said, I feel like from what I've gathered from my parents this past week that you think I'm sabotaging this vacation because I'm jealous that I can't go. And if you think that, you really must not know me and that hurts. And she said the same rude tone as earlier. I must not know you because that is 100% what I think. My eyes welled up because I felt like she had just sucker punched me.

[01:41:06] And she looked at me and said, here comes the temper tantrum. I stood up to leave then I turned around again and said over everyone yelling my name to calm down. If with all your time, money and resources decide to not go on vacation, that is your own decision and not because of me. I got the hell out of the house and sat in the car until my husband came out. She was in my wedding. I've been so happy to have her as my sister-in-law. I've been nothing but loving to her. Now I see she doesn't give a fuck about me.

[01:41:35] I'm gutted. It's clear that she has zero respect for me and probably never even liked me. I'm devastated because my family is everything. And I feel like my relationship with my brother will forever be altered. She is not the person I thought she was. And now I'm not only not watching the dogs, but I guess I'm also accepting that I don't have a sister like I thought I did. Interesting order says, not the asshole. Cut contact with the sister-in-law. They're mad because you won't watch their dogs and that's on them, not you.

[01:42:05] She says, I'm curious about the anger displayed by sister-in-law. Her comments and responses to the conversation would have torpedoed any such discussion with anyone, including Mother Teresa. I hope the rest of the family realizes that sister-in-law is a two-faced asshole and villain. Ninth degree. ETA, not the asshole. Cygnus Song says, she decided she's entitled to OP's assistance. She's not asking for a favor. She's demanding what is already hers. She's offended by OP's disobedience.

[01:42:36] Flat Shame says, not only that she thinks OP owes her, she's not OP's friend. Not the asshole OP. I never understand people who get pets and don't think of the responsibilities of having that pet. I accepted Poppy with us because she was my dad's dog and we love her to bits. Any of my family would have taken her in, but I was in probably the best position to do so. And whilst I'm a huge dog fan, pet fan in general,

[01:43:03] I wouldn't usually have a dog in any other situation right now at this time in my life because of the responsibilities to it. I like going on holiday. I like traveling about and I quite like doing it spontaneously when I get the chance. But you know, having a dog, it requires a lot more planning. I don't resent Poppy in any way. So don't take that. So don't take it that way. Absolutely love it a bit. Wouldn't change anything.

[01:43:28] But pets are a lot of responsibility and you need to have things in place if you are going on holiday, etc. I'm lucky enough that, you know, when this arrangement came about with Poppy and I said like, I take Poppy in, but could people step up and like when I want to go on holiday, etc. Could you step in and maybe, you know, take her in for the week? And of course, family was like, yeah, hell yeah. And that's what we do now. And Poppy absolutely loves it when she goes to my brothers, like with my niece and stuff.

[01:43:56] Absolutely loves her to bits, follows her around all the time. And I get photos of her chilling out whilst I'm on holiday at the same time, which is just wonderful. Ah, geez, I'm going off on again. I'm going off again. I do apologize. Whenever I get a story I can relate to, I feel like I'm sat in a cafe and I'm just having a chinwag with people, you know? But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story.

[01:44:26] Now, I saw this title and it had me boiling up already from affectionate bus 6281 that says stepdad stole my identity, causing my credit score to drop over 200 points. When I brought it up, he spit on me. What a prick. I never had a reason to check my credit score until a couple of months ago, other than when I got a credit card in 2021. At the time, I had a 745.

[01:44:53] When I went to purchase my first car on my own in April, the dealership told me my credit score was 541. I had no idea why since I barely used my credit card and always paid it off in full every month on time. I put off buying the car while I looked into my credit and was mortified when I saw two other credit cards on my report. Both of which were nearly maxed out. And with probably 15 late payments between the two of them.

[01:45:18] When I asked my mom and stepdad about it, my stepdad said he opened the cards when I went to college because I stopped paying rent at the house. When I lived there during my two years at CC, I paid them $500 a month in rent. I stopped paying when I moved out. We ended up arguing about it and he said I owed it to him for the years I didn't pay rent. Literally talking about 8th to 12th grade. And to just drop it. And I told him he can't do that without my permission.

[01:45:46] He said he doesn't need permission and spit in my face. Like a full on spit on my face. I left crying and my mom called to apologize. She talked a little bit and she told me he had something similar happen to him in the past. Obviously that's no excuse and I told her I'd have to go to the police about the accounts. She said to slow down and really think about if that's what I want to do. I hung up the phone. I wish I had known about the account sooner.

[01:46:14] I still think I'm going to call the police but is there any other way of handling this? Absolutely go to the police right away. The mom in this situation is really getting on my tits as well. Imagine seeing someone spit in your child's face or any family members face. Without even talking about the credit score stuff. That would send me over the edge. All that shit happened and the mom is just like oh hold up a sec. You sure you want to do that?

[01:46:44] She's in on it too. She's going to get herself in trouble at the same time. Shitty people. Actions have consequences. All that good stuff. No trace says first start with a police report for both identity theft and assault. You will need the police report for when you're in contact with the credit card companies and the credit agencies. Snarks quotes OPN says not unless you want to ignore it and let him get away with committing a crime and tanking your credit for the next seven years at least. Seriously though.

[01:47:13] He knew he was committing fraud and did it anyway. Freeze your credit and report the fraud to the cops and the credit agencies. Oh and this in quotes. He said I owed it to him for years I didn't pay rent. Literally talking about eighth to twelfth grade. And says is some bullshit. You are a minor. Providing for you was their job. One more comment from Pastels Phoenix who says. As a person who went through similar with my own father. My advice to you is contact your creditors and police and press charges.

[01:47:43] Everyone is going to press you and tell you to drop it. People are going to paint your stepfather as the victim. People are going to say you're overreacting. He committed a crime that could have repercussions that last decades. Do not trust them. Do not compromise. I had to spend almost two decades repairing the damage my father did. And in the end my family still thinks I'm selfish for even bringing it up. Your stepfather is a thief and a liar. And so is anyone who supports him. If he was willing to do this in the first place.

[01:48:12] He certainly isn't going to be a supportive figure in the future. That ship has already sailed. As someone with perspective here I'm telling you. If you don't do something about this right now. You will regret it. So OP came in with her update and said. I made the police report for both identity theft and the spitting. They said it was two separate incidents. The identity theft a felony and the spitting a misdemeanor. About a week afterwards my dad comes storming into my workplace.

[01:48:40] He always had anger issues but this is a new load for him. He starts screaming at me for calling the police. And a security guard comes in and tells him to leave. The security guard meant well. But she's probably 23 years old and small. And my dad is 6 foot 2 and has been in plenty of fights in his life. My manager told me to go back and he followed me back there. I locked myself in the bathroom and he just kept banging on the door. For probably 3-4 minutes screaming at me. I called my mom and she tried calling him.

[01:49:08] Eventually a police officer gets there and goes to handcuff my dad. He fought him and two other officers pile on him. He's arrested on aggravated battery and aggravated resisting charges. He was released from jail the next day. No idea why the county decided not to prosecute him. I spoke with an officer a couple of days later about a possible order of protection. And I was told the county usually doesn't prosecute people fighting cops. Unless an officer gets injured so badly they might have to medically retire. Eh?

[01:49:38] What reminded me about this post was that I checked my credit yesterday. And one of the accounts has come off. Still waiting for the other one but I think it's just a matter of time. My dad hasn't said a word to me since and my mom refuses to talk about it. The nice thing is the rest of my family is completely on my side with this. My credit should recover pretty soon. But I think the relationship with my dad is pretty much over. I'm fine with that. He's a toxic person. I'm just hoping nothing else happens.

[01:50:05] And the police wouldn't do anything about him fighting police officers. That seems wild to me. What? But anyway, now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now our next story comes from tfriendhusband from the am I the arseholehere subreddit and says Am I the arseholehere. My best friend and husband suddenly stop talking to each other.

[01:50:34] Something weird is happening between my husband and my best friend Dana. And I don't know if my head is just making up stories or their actions are really suspicious. My husband Phil and I are married for 4 years and are both in our early 30s. He loves me a lot, but sometimes I've caught him lying to protect my feelings, which I do not really like. Dana is my best friend since college and we were roommates. Just to give some background about Dana.

[01:51:03] She was in a long term relationship with her boyfriend for 3 years, but they broke up last year. He was also very insecure about Dana and was very controlling about who Dana hangs out with. Dana's boyfriend was really jealous of Phil for some reason and they would avoid hanging out with us. However, since the breakup, Dana and I have been closer and spend a lot of time shopping, going out to restaurants, etc. Phil also loves to tag along with us occasionally, but not always.

[01:51:32] Phil and Dana also get along well. And Dana has told me that if I find another Phil, I need to set up a blind date between them ASAP. One month ago, Phil, Dana and I had planned to go to a concert in our town. Phil was really excited as it was one of his favorite bands. I started feeling unwell until the morning of the concert and just wanted to rest. Phil was disappointed but told me that we can offer our tickets to our friends and we can see the band some other time.

[01:52:00] I didn't really want to spoil it for him, so I called a few of my friends and my friend Jess, mutual friend with Dana, was happy to go to the concert in my place. Phil still wanted to cancel but I insisted he went as I would have felt bad if he missed the concert. They all went together and enjoyed the concert. Phil kept on sending me photos all through the night. The concert ended at 11pm, but I slept before that due to my medication.

[01:52:29] When I woke up in the morning, I was alone in bed. I quickly checked my messages and Phil's last message was at 11pm, saying they are leaving the concert and he should be home soon after dropping Dana. I went to the living room and Phil was sleeping on the sofa in the same clothes he wore to the concert. I waited for him to get up. I asked him about the night and when he returned home. He said that he came back home between 2-3am. He said that there were multiple accidents outside the concert venue and the traffic was horrible.

[01:52:59] He said he dropped Dana at her place and came home directly. I asked him why he was sleeping on the sofa and he told me that he did not want to disturb me and also was too tired to change out of his clothes. Phil had some glitter on his clothes, but that was from dancing in the crowd at the concert. So he just crashed on the sofa and slept immediately. It seemed plausible and Dana also confirmed the story. However, the weird behaviour started after this night.

[01:53:27] Firstly, Phil stopped tagging along with me when I was hanging out with Dana. He would come up with the most unbelievable reasons to avoid going out with me when Dana was there. Phil has also been a bit aloof with me since that night I have noticed him spending a lot more time in his home office playing video games at night instead of coming to bed. Two weeks ago, I invited Dana to our house for drinks after we went out for shopping and she also started giving me reasons to avoid coming to our place. Dana has not visited our place since that day.

[01:53:56] The only time Phil and Dana saw each other was during a house party at my friend's place last weekend. I was observing their behaviour and they were both avoiding each other. I asked Phil about why he's avoiding Dana and he said that it's just in my imagination. Dana also said the same, but then starts giving me bullshit reasons for not coming over to our apartment. I feel in my gut that their behaviour is suspicious, but I'm not sure if it's just my insecurity. How do I know what is going on?

[01:54:26] I've gone through Phil's phone multiple times, but the only messages between him and Dana are very sparse and there's no messages since that night. I feel something happened between them that night and both are just avoiding answering even the basic questions about why they're avoiding each other. Am I the arsehole for assuming the worst? I really do not want to come off as insecure, but it is killing me from the inside. And the way OP described the story, I feel exactly the same.

[01:54:54] That something strange is going on here. The friend's behaviour OP was mentioning about, you know, if you ever find another Phil, you need to set her up, etc. The boyfriend having issues with Phil at the same time. Has she been mentioning Phil to him? Comparing them maybe? Obviously I don't know. I'm just throwing out ideas here. Either way, I think you need to just tackle this head on with him.

[01:55:19] You said that he tries to protect your feelings in the past and at the moment he's not protecting your feelings because it feels like something's being hidden from you. So you just need to ask straight up, I think, what the hell is going on here? You know something's going on and you need to know what it is. Not like Q666 says, not the arsehole. Something for sure happened. Only question is exactly what? From what you said about her ex and they were liking him and her asking you to set up a date with another version of him. That she may have always had a thing for him.

[01:55:49] Maybe she was drunk and she went for it. If you cannot find out on your own due to lack of evidence, you need to sit them both down together and confront them both and demand the truth. Opie says, I also want to do that, but I feel that if I am wrong, not only would I lose a friend, but Phil is also going to be upset that I'm accusing him of something horrible. I just feel in my gut that things smell funky and I'm too scared to open the Pandora's box. Revolutionary Dot says, don't accuse him. Just ask.

[01:56:19] Hey, you've been weird ever since the concert. What's going on? Are you upset I didn't go? Did something happen? I'm really starting to worry and I can feel you pulling away from me. I don't know what I did, but I'd like to fix whatever it is. Keep BFF out of it, only as a last resort. Be more worried about your marriage than the friend, but know you're running a risk of losing your marriage and slash all your BFF anyways. You could always snoop through his phone, but that will cause damage too.

[01:56:48] Lopsided says, have you asked your other friend about the night and see if she knows anything about their strange behavior towards each other? You should confront them either way. Maybe not accuse them of cheating, but state that the behavior is not making you feel comfortable. And you'd rather not be kept in the dark if there is an issue or something helped to warrant their distance. OP says, I talked to Jess, but didn't directly ask her about any suspicious behaviors. She told me that they all had a fun time.

[01:57:15] She took the train home while Phil and Dana went to the parking lot after the concert. So OP updates the post and says, I posted last week regarding my husband and my best friend of avoiding each other after they went to a concert together last month. I really want to thank you all for helping me in my time of need and helping me with my tech questions. Sorry for the long post, but I confronted Phil and fucking Dana and was able to know what happened. I was briefly able to get access to Phil's phone last Friday night.

[01:57:45] I did not have time to retrieve any deleted messages. However, thanks to someone's idea, I opened his camera gallery and went through the photos he took that night. One important thing that jumped out was Dana's outfit. Dana was wearing a white shirt and denim shorts to the concert. As it was an outdoor concert, she took off her shirt and was only wearing a blue bikini top. She had some glittering fake tattoos on her shoulder and back. By the end of the night, she was again wearing her shirt.

[01:58:12] So for the glitter to be on Phil's car seat and his clothes, Dana had to have taken her shirt off in the car. I was so angry and could not keep my cool anymore. I went and confronted Phil. He immediately broke down and started apologizing to me. He said that it was his fault that he took it too far and was feeling very guilty all month. He said that he did not want to tell me because I would have been very upset and he just wanted to forget it.

[01:58:39] I told him to tell me what happened in detail and he did. He told me that Dana and Jess both got drunk during the concert. Phil had to hold Dana while taking her to the car. Dana slept in the car for an hour while Phil was driving. When she got up, she started playing music and singing loudly. At one point, she told Phil that it is hot in the car. Before he could lower the AC temperature, she took off her shirt.

[01:59:04] Phil said he was very uncomfortable at this point and asked Dana if it's okay if he drives to our house and she could sleep in the guest room. Her apartment would have added another 30 minutes to the drive. She insisted that she wanted to go home, so Phil took her home. As she got out, she asked Phil if he could walk her back to her apartment as she felt tipsy. After she opened the apartment door, she hugged Phil and said thank you. Phil said that he was sorry that the hug lingered too long and they had a moment.

[01:59:33] I had tears rolling down my eyes and I asked him if they kissed. Phil told me of course not, but he cannot describe it, but there was definitely a moment between them. He told me that Dana invited him in, but he immediately told Dana that he had to leave and made a run to the car. I kept on asking what happened and he just said they had a moment that he felt he could not control and just got out of there. After he came home, Dana messaged Phil that he should have come inside the apartment.

[02:00:00] Phil kept on telling Dana that it was an accident and to forget about it. But Dana kept on asking Phil if he is attracted to her and if he had a good time. Phil told Dana that he is not attracted to her and never will be and told her not to tell me about it. She agreed and he deleted all the messages. He said that he sat on the sofa because they were messaging each other for a long time and he did not want me to hear it. I asked him if he could retrieve the messages and he told me he deleted them and also cleaned all his archive and sent messages.

[02:00:30] He just wanted to forget the incident ever happened. I showed him my post and thanks to a comment, he went to find the messages on the SD card. Phil was right and the messages were the same as what Phil described. I am still very mad at Phil for not telling me about it in the first place. This is where it got super weird. I invited Dana for brunch yesterday and met her. I told her that I talked to Phil and he confessed to everything that happened the night during the concert. I asked her. I wanted to give her a chance to tell her side of the story.

[02:01:00] Dana immediately became defensive. The story was the same until they got to her apartment building. Dana said that she opened her apartment door, she gave Phil a long hug for a great evening. She said she could feel Phil wanted more but nothing happened beyond that. I asked her why she invited him inside the apartment. She told me that she wanted to offer him some water and a snack as he was driving for a long time. I said that it's a really bitch move to invite my husband in her apartment at 1am at night.

[02:01:28] When she felt he wanted more from her than a hug. She said that I was just being jealous and crazy. We started arguing and she blurted out that she was not the one popping boners during the hug. I told her she is never going to see Phil again in her life and our friendship is done. She started shouting that she knows Phil loves her and he does not act on it because of me. She went on about how I'm always complaining about Phil and do not deserve him.

[02:01:54] She said that Phil has been so nice to her after the breakup and she feels he would leave me for her if he had a chance. She finally said that she could make Phil way happier than I ever could and he has started to realize it now. At this point I just wanted to avoid a blowout and walked away. I talked to Phil at night and what Dana said. He confirmed to me that he did become aroused when he hugged Dana that night and he does not know why.

[02:02:19] Dana held his hand and invited him in after the hug and he just ran towards his car. He said he feels guilty about it but it does not mean he has feelings for Dana. He said he is very happy being married to me and he would like to keep it that way for the rest of his life. Although I am relieved that nothing happened between them. It has been hard for me to process my thoughts. I feel mad at Phil for hugging Dana in the middle of the night when she is barely wearing anything. He should know better.

[02:02:46] On the other hand I feel like an arsehole myself that my best friend had a thing for my husband that I had no clue about and pushed both of them to go to the concert together. Chemical Ad says I am glad it is finally in the open. I am also glad that your husband did not cheat. Although if he had just been honest about everything instead of being dodgy it could have saved a lot of stress. Your friend is a piece of shit though. Island Lord says willing to bet on some level Phil feels like he did cheat by getting aroused.

[02:03:15] Lou says involuntary boners are a real thing. My ex who is still a close friend told me he had a friend who got them from riding his Harley. A fact his girlfriend was very jealous of. Lol. Tactile or visual stimuli are triggers for most men. Like your mouth watering when you smell your favorite meal cooking. The dick says ready but his brain screamed no fucking way. I think your friend has just been looking for an opportunity to hit on your husband. Subconsciously he knew it and was on guard against it.

[02:03:45] She probably wasn't as wasted as she was acting either. Good for him telling her hell no and booking it out of there fast. Many would have given in to temptation. Hopefully this incident leads to more open communication between you two. Writing and romance says based on his initial unwillingness to go to the concert. I wonder if this wasn't the first time she put him in an awkward position. OP says we talked about this. He said she never said or did anything like this before.

[02:04:14] But he also pointed out that the only time he's hung out with her before was when I was with him. Writing also replies that saying I'm glad you got to the bottom of it. I have to admit for some reason this story had my hackles up. Usually I can read these and be objective but my gut was telling me your friend was being... Gystery? OP says Dana was a sister to me for all these years. It's always the people you suspect the least. I didn't know why she would do it to me. It feels so horrible. Writing replies again saying she wasn't thinking about you.

[02:04:43] She was thinking about herself and only herself. She didn't care about you or him or anything. Drowning people or others under. Now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. The story does have an update as well. It's titled, Am I the arsehole for getting a wedding cancelled by sending a video to the bride.

[02:05:12] My uncle Jay, 28 male, is marrying Mel, 26 female. She's shy so she never wanted a big wedding where she has to walk down the aisle etc. She wants to elope with just him and her and also have a traditional wedding from her country. She's completely cool with doing things how she wants it. But Jay's mum, Amanda, wants the typical wedding.

[02:05:35] Mel conceded that she was okay with having an additional third wedding where Amanda could do all the planning and Mel would veto anything she didn't like. Cost wise it's no issue because the other two weddings are essentially free. The problem started when Amanda was showing Mel the bridesmaid list. There were going to be seven bridesmaids and one of them was Jay's cousin, Letty, 27 female. Letty has been nothing but rude to Mel since the day they met.

[02:06:02] She constantly makes little digs at her, talks shit about her and overall makes it clear that she does not like her. So Mel immediately vetoed it. Letty was in the room sitting with them during the veto and threw a fit talking about how Mel is always rude to her. I can vouch for Mel and say that she never chooses to interact with Letty in any way, shape or form. What she does do is whenever Letty makes a snide comment, she makes a direct comment back in response.

[02:06:28] So to an outsider it might seem like Mel is being hostile but to everyone in the family, it's a roll your eyes moment where we know Letty is the arsehole and Mel just isn't taking it. Letty tried to claim that Mel has been holding a grudge based on the first week of the meeting but then Mel pulled out a video, that I sent her, of Letty shit talking about her just a couple of days ago. In it, Letty is calling her a bitch and saying stuff like she's not even that pretty etc.

[02:06:58] Amanda sees this and immediately starts minimizing it saying, oh she didn't mean that and so on. At this point I think Mel has had enough because everyone in the family knows how Letty acts towards her. But they never take it seriously. They only slightly tell Letty off and are always trying to convince Mel to not take it to heart. So Mel says she's sorry the wedding is off. She's still going to marry Jay in the other two originally planned ways but she's not going to do Amanda's version anymore.

[02:07:26] She says this all nicely as always but Amanda is now crying. Letty's screaming at everyone and other family members are saying that Mel should learn how to take a joke. Days later I said I was the one who sent Mel the video. And now a couple of family members are mad at me for getting involved. Was I the asshole here? Letty won't talk to me because I'm a snitch but I don't even like her anyway. I'm just upset that I indirectly caused Amanda to be upset.

[02:07:54] My mind's struggling to move past the three weddings. Is that like a normal thing? I've heard of like three day weddings in some cultures and stuff. But arranging and dealing with three separate weddings? Holy moly. Even if someone else is dealing with it you still gotta turn up. And why does Amanda get to ask for this wedding in the first place? It's such a weird request. They're gonna elope. No, I would like a more traditional wedding so you have to have another one. I mean I just say no.

[02:08:24] No thank you. And the rest of it is just actions have consequences. Letty's talking shit. She got called out for talking shit. It's as simple as that. Fair play to Mel for just going there. We're just gonna do what we want to do from now on. I would just say stick with Mel. But Beast of Worden says not the asshole and Mel sounds awesome. You've picked the right side to be on. Trust me. This wedding was doomed from before it began. And you didn't ruin anything. If anyone gives you trouble, remind them to take it up with Letty. Doomed.

[02:08:55] Whenever someone says doomed I love it. OP says yeah Mel is awesome. And I used to get along with Letty too. She used to be different. I don't really know when she started acting like this. But it wasn't noticeable until recently. It's starting to look like the third wedding is back on though. Cause Mel feels bad about Amanda crying. No. Don't do it Mel. OP explains the three weddings. And says to be honest I stretched it by calling it three weddings. The plan is to go to the courthouse just then. And a week later have a traditional ceremony.

[02:09:25] Not that big from Mel's country. The only wedding like event would be the one Amanda is planning. The OP came in with what they titled their update and said thank you all for responding. I was feeling really bad that I had a role in all this. I made it sound crazy but it's normally not this bad. It's just hard to explain all the nuances in a single post. Some things that kept coming up. One, I have a big family. We're currently visiting extended family.

[02:09:53] And this group tends to be more argumentative. We all love Mel. Two, my immediate family is likely to notice Letty constantly insulting Mel because we're together more. Everyone here is defending her because they don't see them interact on a day to day basis. Them is just an unserious thing that Letty should apologize for and Mel should get over. Three, Jay isn't here right now. He's on a long term trip. He doesn't know that all of this is happening yet.

[02:10:21] Four, Amanda didn't force Mel to have the wedding. They get along really well and Mel wanted to make her happy so she said yes since it was a one time thing anyway. Amanda was insisting that Letty be her bridesmaid because she would be the only immediate cousin who wasn't in the wedding party. She didn't want anyone to feel left out. Someone else's wedding? I mean, oh dear. Five, Letty is Amanda's cousin's daughter. Six, Amanda isn't formatively crying. She's really nice and loves Mel too.

[02:10:51] Jay is her only son and weddings are big in our family. He'd be the first to not have a big one. I think the pressure of this along with some other stuff that's happening is stressing her out. She's a crier for most things. Seven, the first two weddings are very small, like 20 people max. Eight, the joke is related to other things that Letty says. As much as I don't like her, she's really funny so people tend not to take the stuff she says seriously.

[02:11:18] It's only obviously she hates Mel to the people who see them interact often. Nine, Letty did apologize after the video but it was clearly fake. Ten, Letty's upset at me because I recorded the video in secret. She and her mum were in the living room talking and I could hear them so I filmed it. Not a great move I know but it never made sense to me why she hated Mel so much so I wanted to show Mel so we could laugh about it. Mel only used it when people tried to claim that she was saying no to the bridesmaid thing for no good reason.

[02:11:48] Eleven, I told everyone it was me because people kept asking who it was and I felt bad. Twelve, Letty does not have a crush on Jay. That's not how our family does things. Sorry that was so long. The real update is that I found out why Letty hates Mel. She's close friends with Jay's ex who he dated for a long time. I'm not sure how long but it seems like the ex thought Jay and her would end up together. Jay and Letty are close in age so they were in the same friend group that the ex was in when they were younger.

[02:12:17] Her third wedding is back on. Letty is not a bridesmaid and is saying she won't come. Mel is supposed to happen in October so I'm not sure if anything will change until then but I'm no longer going to involve myself. Jay is also coming back tomorrow and he doesn't let anyone say anything bad about Mel. So we'll see what happens. Ah deary me I'll see you all in October shall we? Three weddings though. I know OP said you know two of them are smaller ones you know just going to the courthouse time and get married.

[02:12:45] But still they're still stressed to deal with right? It just sounds quite exhausting. Maybe that's just me. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now our next story comes from Matta187 and says am I the arsehole by not inviting a slow eater to dinner night out? When I asked who is joining us she names off three couples.

[02:13:15] The Jones couple, Davidson couple and Matty's couple. Now the Joneses and Davidson's I don't have an issue with and get along great. Matty's is though. Kelly Matty's is the slowest eater I've ever met. Back story. The first time we went out with the Matty's couple at a chain restaurant known for its pasta. She was slowly eating her salad. She ate each thing one at a time.

[02:13:41] When the main course was brought out she wasn't done with her salad. And when everyone else had finished eating the main course she was not even a quarter into her meal. She has taken tiny little bites of her meal. Meanwhile she is engaging in the conversation at the table with smiles and laughter. But everyone else ate and finished at a normal pace. Our plates were taken away and hers remained with most of her food remaining untouched.

[02:14:08] She even got offended when the check was brought out and a server asked. Can I box it up for you? In which she replied. I'm still eating. Almost 30 minutes later of us just sitting there. She only ate half a meal and said. Oh, I'm full. Even at dinner parties Kelly still eats painfully slow. It's painful to watch her take tiny little bites on kebabs. Even though she's engaging in whatever conversation is going on at the table. Even when the coffee and dessert is brought out.

[02:14:38] She literally nibbles at her cake or fruit. So I told my wife no to Matty's couple. I explained why and she kind of agreed with me. What explained is almost a cultural thing. People take their time with family and friends at the dinner table in Turkey. However, I stood firm saying no. Because I didn't want the dinner to be dragged out longer than it had to be. My wife is kind of upset because she really likes Kelly's company and friendship. I asked if Kelly has a medical condition or social condition.

[02:15:08] Where she has to eat slowly and take tiny bites. Her response, not that I'm aware of. So again I say no to the Matisse couple. This is the first time I downright do not want someone to join us for dinner. I like Bob Matisse. But I can't stand his wife eating so fucking slowly. Am I the asshole for not inviting this couple because the wife is a painfully slow eater.

[02:15:33] For your information dinner was great and everyone ate at a normal pace with no complaints. Edits. Okay so I asked my wife again if Kelly has a medical condition that makes her eat slowly. The answer is no. So out of curiosity I text Bob and ask him the same thing. Again the answer is no. And I ask politely why does Kelly eat so slowly and how Kelly does eat at home. According to Bob.

[02:16:00] I know how my wife eats food and I always dread it when we dine out. She's an incredibly slow eater. You are not the first to point this out. It could be just us or out as a group with friends. She eats very slowly because she's talking with others. She's focused on others and not on the meal. I didn't mind in Turkey because we would go out and have dinner for two or more hours. But here it feels like we're rushed out whenever we go. When I have to tell her to eat or she'd just sit there and talk all night.

[02:16:29] When we're home alone we don't talk at all when we eat. I don't even look at her. It forces her to eat at a regular speed. Now I'm gonna tell you straight up that this post was flagged as asshole. And that was a mix of comments I was seeing below. So squids and brains says, so when the check arrives that's when you're just about to leave. This woman ate for half an hour longer meaning she only kept you half an hour by eating slowly.

[02:16:57] You are prioritizing 30 minutes of inconvenience over your wife's close friend. I understand the irritation but you're still being an ass. A small one. You're the asshole. Edit. A lot of people seem to be assuming I've never encountered this situation. I have. It can be annoying but it's nowhere near as unbearable as folks are making it out to be. Unless OP has left out that they have somewhere scheduled to be after and this woman is causing them to miss it. I fail to see how this is so horrible of this woman.

[02:17:26] It's not long. Everyone is still talking. I think it's selfish for OP to entirely exclude a close friend of his wife before even considering a less nuclear option. Such as just asking the woman beforehand if she'd mind cutting her meal a little shorter once everyone is ready to leave. Westminster Abbey says, replying to that, I seriously doubt the waiters slash waitresses bring out the check as soon as everyone else was done eating. They probably came by a few times, checked out the table, asked if anyone else needed anything etc.

[02:17:56] Before finally bringing out the check. From the description it sounds like this was quite a while between everyone finishing and the waitress asking if Kelly wanted a box. She said she was still eating and then they waited another half hour for Kelly. So this was not just 30 minutes of inconvenience. Probably at least an hour. If this is a table of six and she wasted just an hour of everyone else's time then she wasted a total of at least five hours. Probably more.

[02:18:21] I'm sure it could be argued that this isn't wasted time but many people feel uncomfortable sitting at a restaurant table long after they finished eating. Hayes says, not the arsehole. It's really socially unaware of her to always do that when other people are finished. Especially if she's getting upset at waiters over bringing the check. I Love Cats replies to that and says some people really can't eat that quickly though. It's also much healthier to eat slowly.

[02:18:48] So I see both sides because it's annoying to wait but to be rushed is worse in my opinion. Pretzel says, when you're the only person who has a problem and you always have the same problem. Then the problem is you. Literally nobody else in their friend group has issues eating at a normal relaxed pace. It's bad enough that her husband has had multiple people mention it to him. This isn't a lady being rushed to eat.

[02:19:12] It's a lady who flat out doesn't eat and then pulls a power move to force everyone to stay late because she doesn't eat normally. Baird says that you're the arsehole. Damn dude what's the rush? Is there something pressing after dinner like a movie or something? It seems like a really silly thing to get so bent out of shape about. If you just want to shovel in the meal and get the fuck out I guess it makes sense not to invite them but in my opinion our culture, the US I'm assuming you're the same, has meals all wrong.

[02:19:40] Live Jumbo says not the arsehole. I used to have a friend like this. She had a lot of issues with food and restaurants. One of them was taking forever to eat. She literally sat in a restaurant 45 minutes past closing. Like all other tables were cleared for the next day and we're the only customers in the restaurant. Obviously nibbling at her entree while her dessert sat untouched in front of her. Meaning that she wasn't even close to finish. Her reservation and seating were two hours before close.

[02:20:09] We finally just got up and left because we were exhausted and mortified by her disregard for the fact that literally everyone else in the room just wanted to go home and go to bed. It's not the slow eating. It's the failure to read the room and show regard for others. Have her around for dinner parties where she can eat slowly as she pleases. And I kind of feel the same as that comment. I get what people are saying, you know, enjoying each other's company, eating at a certain pace and just like enjoying one another's company.

[02:20:39] I totally get that. I do that with friends. But I think like that last comment said, reading the room is also a big part of socializing with friends. Respecting one another's time, especially because, you know, the husband's apparently already pointed out this has been an issue in the past and people have mentioned it. And I kind of feel like if I was in her position and, you know, I'd find that awkward myself. Maybe that's just a me problem. Do I think this is a huge incident? No, I don't.

[02:21:07] I don't think she's a bad person or anything. Clearly, you know, she's a good friend. But again, like that last comment said, I think you do need to read the room in social situations like that. So OP came in with her update and said, backstory. My wife has a close and awesome friend, Kelly, who's an incredibly slow eater. When I mean slow, I mean slow. I first noticed this when we went out for pasta. We had all finished our food and she was only a quarter done.

[02:21:35] When the check came, the waiter asked if she can box up her food. But Kelly said, I'm still eating. This wasn't the first, nor was it the last time. I asked my wife if she has a medical condition that forces her to eat slow. And she said no. I then asked her husband, Bob, through text. And again, he said no. Bob mentioned that when they go out to eat with others, Kelly is too focused on people and the conversation. That she doesn't eat. So at home when they eat, he absolutely does not talk to her or even look at her.

[02:22:05] I found that a bit bizarre. Which forces Kelly to eat at a normal or regular pace. Then my wife started asking around her friends if they'd noticed Kelly eating slowly. To our surprise, the response was no. At least not until that point. My wife makes plans for a group of seven of us to go out for dinner. But told me to choose the place. It's mostly other women involved. I asked if Kelly and husband were coming and she confirmed that they were.

[02:22:31] So our party would be me, my wife, Kelly, Bob and three other lady friends for dinner. I picked an all you can eat, but you cook your own food Korean barbecue place. To catch, you only have a two hour time limit. I thought this would force Kelly to eat at a normal pace. Nope. We were seated at 7.45. At the two hour mark, the waiters shut off our burners and brought the check. Kelly still had her first and second serving on her plate.

[02:22:59] She told the waiter, I'm still eating. They kindly explained that we'd hit our two hour limit and that they needed the table. Kelly is obviously upset but can't do anything about it. After we pay, we're outside the restaurant and the ladies are making plans to get coffee or something. Then it happened. Kelly said, can we go somewhere where they serve food? I'm actually still hungry. Poppy's wife said, did you not eat enough in there? Kelly said, no, I didn't get a chance to finish since our time was up.

[02:23:29] Bob said, seriously, we had two hours. What were you doing in those two hours? Kelly said, it wasn't two hours. You're being unreasonable again. Friend number one says, no, it was literally two hours. The waiter told us we had two hours at the beginning and they kept the timer. Did you not notice all the food we were cooking? Kelly said, it couldn't have been two hours. There's no way. The timer must have been off. I saw the food and it smelled really, really good.

[02:23:56] Bob then says, then why didn't you eat? Between me and OP, we alone had nine servings between us. Kelly said, whatever. The point is, I'm hungry. Let's go somewhere they serve food. The ladies looked a bit annoyed, but agreed to go somewhere where they can have coffee and Kelly can eat. Bob and I decided not to join them. Bob had to work the next day. So he went and I wanted to catch the last few night races and I went home.

[02:24:21] At around 1.30 am, my wife returned home and told me the events that happened. They went to a Middle Eastern lounge slash restaurant and the ladies ordered coffee and dessert. Kelly ordered a meal. At 12.30, the ladies were ready to call it a night and again, Kelly did not eat her entire meal. About everyone began questioning Kelly and her eating habits. Being put on the spot and now overwhelmed, Kelly went outside to calm down.

[02:24:49] My wife followed her outside and tried to defuse the situation with Kelly, but she was very defensive. She tried to tell Kelly that it's not really a big deal, but people are now more aware and concerned of her eating habits since I, her husband, pointed it out and her husband, Bob confirmed it. It didn't help and Kelly called her husband and went off on him. My wife took Kelly home, but they didn't talk much. I think the damage has been done.

[02:25:17] And there was a whole mix of comments below this one wondering what it could be. Some people saying potential ADHD. Other people saying a potential eating disorder, some undiagnosed mental condition. Other people saying that was just way too long. And others saying, you know, it's a social gathering. What's the issue here?

[02:25:40] And if I'm being completely honest in parts of the update where, you know, they came out the restaurant and she was insisting on finding somewhere else to eat because she didn't eat or anything during that time. It did slightly annoy me. I have to be honest when I say that when I was reading it. But at the same time, when we got to the end, I did feel concerned for Kelly, much like her friends did that they were aware and concerned of what was going on because they feel it might be something else.

[02:26:07] Obviously, we don't know the full ins and outs. And I don't think you should pressure someone to give up information they don't want to give. But if this was my friend in my situation, I'd want to talk to them and ask them if there's any way that I can help. In the end, she might be just a slow eater. That might be just it. But we're talking about friendships here. And I think communication between friends is important. I often talk to a friend about like how he's feeling mentally and stuff like that.

[02:26:34] And whilst I understand not everyone wants to do that, I think if you can, it's a good thing to do. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from Confused Dad, who says, Am I the arsehole for blowing up at my wife over my daughter's school picture? It does come with an update as well. Throw away and fake names.

[02:27:04] I, 60 male, have been married to my wife, 51 female, for around 15 years. We have a beautiful daughter named Ha Young, 17 female. Who is in her junior year of high school. Yesterday after school, Ha Young came up to me and my wife and showed me her school pictures. Both her individual photo and her group slash grade photo. They were all taken way back in February, but they just arrived today.

[02:27:30] I complimented Ha Young and told her how beautiful she looked in the photos. Before telling her how proud I was to see her grow up throughout the ages. Before showing my wife the pictures of our daughter. It did not go the way I thought slash hoped it would go. Instead of looking at it for a bit before saying something. My wife immediately pointed out to Ha Young that she was looking too downward at the camera. And that her eyes looked strained and forced. I was a bit taken aback at first, but I decided to just keep listening.

[02:28:00] My wife then said to my daughter she would have to have rehearsals for school pictures with her for next year. Because in my wife's words, Ha Young still doesn't understand how to properly pose, smile and look beautiful for a school picture. I was a bit irritated, but I let it slide. What sent me off though was when my wife then said, Ha Young's picture is a fail. Honestly, Melissa looks the prettiest out of everyone. Ha Young got quiet and said,

[02:28:28] I'm gonna be honest, my picture this year is really bad compared to sophomore year. I got mad that evening. We had a huge argument in the living room. I told my wife that she was being cruel to our daughter. And since school pictures were over, there was no point being so picky over it. My wife retaliated saying that even Ha Young says that she doesn't like how she looks in a school picture. I was just being honest. I'm only trying to help her. She then went into her room and started crying, saying that I don't understand her.

[02:28:57] I will admit, I raised my voice while we're having that argument and I'm seriously sitting here questioning myself about whether I was the asshole or not. After our argument, I knocked on Ha Young's door and I could tell by her expression that she had listened to every piece of the argument. I feel bad because I may have overreacted to something as simple as school pictures. Plus, I ruined my daughter's evening and my wife's too. And I also made my wife cry. So Reddit, am I the asshole?

[02:29:27] Edits, this is not the first time my wife has said something like this. This is why I feel even more terrible because I let my daughter suffer like this. I did give my wife a word or two, but I always told Ha Young that this was just the way she spoke and that she really did love her. I really want to cry now. Especially overhearing Ha Young crying herself to sleep yesterday night. She always kept on a brave face around me and my wife, but it just breaks me even more now knowing she feels like she can't talk to me either.

[02:29:57] It failed her. Ha Young always asked me every morning if she looked beautiful. She would always ask at mealtimes as she was eating too much. I'm so afraid of the damage we both put her through for so long. I'm so scared she's going to develop an eating disorder and I'm going to make sure to set things straight with my wife and take care of my daughter better. She is always my first priority. Edit 2 I was taken off guard even though my wife has made responses like this in the past.

[02:30:25] Because though it's not the first time, I had a little bit of hope left that she wouldn't point out Ha Young's appearance outright in her school photo. The commenter says I'm guessing based on the fake name that your wife is Korean. I know beauty standards there are super high and she could be projecting her own insecurities and maybe even comments that she got when she was young. Of course, this is not okay, but it could be worth sitting down with her and having a talk. Lope says you were right on that.

[02:30:54] Me and my wife are both Korean. I know beauty standards there are super tough. So I'm probably going to talk to my wife privately to understand why she said that and check up on Ha Young a bit before talking with my wife. I know she's super shaken up. So the best I can do is be the best father I can. She will always be my annual and badder sky and sea. OP also replies to another commenter and says I lived in the States longer than in Korea now.

[02:31:21] The commenter says to OP do Korean women tend to have very high beauty and maintenance standards? And no, you are not in the wrong. Teenage girls are already extremely sensitive about their look. So your compliment was kind and nurturing. OP says I cannot speak on behalf of everyone. I know that the beauty standards are extremely tough there. I've heard people commenting about the fatness slash skinniness of people's bodies.

[02:31:46] I sometimes heard conversations about K-pop idols, bodies and faces, makeup, surgery, etc. OP also added their own comment and said hello everyone, OP here. Tonight since my wife is working a night shift today, I decided I'm going to stay together with Ha Young for a daddy daughter date. I know it doesn't matter whether we go out or not. All that matters is that I'm with her. I'm planning on making her some of her favorite foods and spending quality time as an apology for not being there when I should have been.

[02:32:14] She loves chap chair, gelbee and cream bungopang. Bungopang. Bungopang. Ah, sorry. I did look up pronunciations for those. I do apologize. I asked Ha Young beforehand whether she wanted to stay at home or go out and she wanted to stay at home and she chose to go with the first option. I'll let you know how it goes. So OP came in five weeks later with an update and said first of all, I'd like to thank everyone for their generous comments and advice. As promised, here is the update.

[02:32:44] After my wife left for work, I decided to check up on my daughter. She was in her room doing her homework and I can tell by the forced expression that she was not okay. As she talked, everything began to make sense. My daughter overheard her mother shaming her in front of the other church moms. She heard them boasting about their kids and her mother would use condescending modesty. For example, she gained weight and she doesn't even study hard. She was tired of trying to surpass my wife's expectations.

[02:33:13] She couldn't stand it when my wife was in the house. She asked me, why am I her diamond? She cuts me to make me shine. How more of this should I take? I prepared her all the foods I promised to make and she was hesitant but ate a lot more than when my wife was around. She wanted to further talk with me. I then asked if she wanted me to tell my wife how she felt. Hayoung said it was the only way to get her to listen or telling me she wants me to get a divorce.

[02:33:41] I asked her if she was absolutely sure as it was something very serious. She said she was fine with it. I'm just devastated it has reached this point. When Hayoung was at school, I had a conversation with my wife. I brought up Hayoung's concerns along with mine. I asked my wife what made her put down my daughter on the day of the school picture incident. She made excuses such as having bad days and she'd accidentally release her anger and other emotions by yelling,

[02:34:11] for silent treatment, etc. I questioned further if there was anything in the past that was bothering her. But she replied snarkily, nothing is bothering me. I raised her into a better person. If you have problems with how I'm raising her, she's all yours. I don't want to argue anymore, especially with a sensitive, lazy person like you. We had a lot of arguments in the past on raising Hayoung. This phrase was used in all of our arguments to shut me up.

[02:34:37] As Hayoung was consistently used as an emotional punching bag and a trophy for my wife. This was the last straw. I told my wife, we were done. Then I told her to pack up and leave. I thanked her for letting me realize my self-worth. After some time had passed, she had driven to her parents' house and was staying there for a bit. When Hayoung came back, she noticed her mom's room was a lot bareer than it was and knew what had happened.

[02:35:03] I hugged Hayoung and told her I'm sorry for the mess I had caused, before reassuring her that nothing was her fault. I told my ex-wife we'd come back a few more times to collect the rest of her stuff, but our relationship was over. This event shook me up a lot, but I know a lot of things will get better. I'm trying to make Hayoung always feel loved. Hayoung, you are my universe and that will never change. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[02:35:33] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, our next story comes from ExcitingIce9119 from the AmITheArseholeHere subreddit that says, AmITheArsehole for cutting off my mother-in-law because she told my daughter she hoped I had died when I was taken to hospital. And before we do get into this story, I just do want to give you a warning. There is talk of a car accident within the story. So if you do want to skip it, timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below.

[02:36:03] Thank you. It says, I, 30 female, was in a car crash. I had to be cut out of the car. I wasn't seriously injured though, thankfully. But the other person, unfortunately, wasn't doing too well. From what I saw before I was taken away to the hospital. I was told to stay in hospital overnight to see if I suffered from a concussion. I rang my husband and told him what happened. My mother-in-law got the incidents mixed up when he dropped off our daughters, 6, 11 to my mother-in-law while he rushed to see me.

[02:36:34] Next morning, my husband brings our daughters to come get me while I was waiting to be discharged. Upon seeing me, my 6-year-old burst into tears and said, I don't want you to die. I comforted her and said, I'm not dying and I was very lucky. She then said, Granny said she hoped I'd die so that them and my husband can come live with her. Me and my husband were shocked and my 12-year-old confirmed she heard us say that. My husband said he was going to ring mother-in-law.

[02:37:03] When he came back in the room, he looked furious but didn't say anything until after we got home. And he said mother-in-law denied it but after he kept pushing, she ended up admitting it. But she said she didn't mean it. I thought me and her were close but I guess not. I'm incredibly hurt she would want that and said I wanted me and the girls to go no contact with mother-in-law. I told him he can have a relationship with her but I don't want me and the girls to have one with her.

[02:37:31] My husband said he supports me. He then rang mother-in-law and told her what I said. She didn't take it too well. She came to our house crying and saying it was a misunderstanding and she didn't mean it and that we were taking it the wrong way. My husband asked, what did you mean then? She just got hysterical and started crying and saying she always wanted daughters but my husband was the only child due to her not being able to have any more after him.

[02:37:59] And the girls are more like her daughters than granddaughters and she wasn't thinking properly when she said that to our six-year-old. She got so worked up that my husband had to take her home. When he got back he said he didn't know she felt like that and asked did I still want to cut her off. I said yes. He said okay and didn't argue. It's been a week now and he is still very quiet and hadn't said much about what happened. And now I'm starting to feel guilty and wondering if I took it the wrong way.

[02:38:28] Am I being the asshole? Now there was no clarification to what the misunderstanding was at this situation. Let's just face it, it wasn't. She said that purposely. And for me the hysterical crying towards the end there felt very manipulative. And she thinks of your daughters as her own made me feel very very uncomfortable. What is going through your mind to say that to a child? Traumatizing them like that.

[02:38:57] And you need to protect them from that. L'Aquila says she traumatized your child. It was horrifying for your daughter to hear that. Bad enough her mum was in the hospital after a car accident. As a young child she likely had a whole lot of frightening scenarios going through her mind. Unable to properly process that. Your daughter needed assurance and positivity. Not what that disgust inheritance said. Mother-in-law did mean it. You don't blurt something like that out.

[02:39:25] Out of misunderstanding or as a joke. That whole hysterical outburst she put on in front of you. That was bullshit. Manipulative bullshit. Because she got caught. And it seems to have worked on your husband because she's trained or brainwashed him that way. Stand your ground. She needs at very least a long time out. Do not let your husband or anyone sweep this under the rug. Because doing that would make everyone think it's perfectly okay for mother-in-law to hope you died. For your daughters to lose their mum.

[02:39:56] That's sickening. I'd make that time out at least six months. Heck, make it for the rest of this year. She loses out on the big holidays at the very least. What a vile fucking cow. Not the arsehole. That hella high hobbit says not the arsehole. Why would you feel guilty? She wished you dead out loud to your child so she could have a child with a vagina. That's so beyond fucked up. Hopefully your husband realizes how absolutely fucked that is and cuts her off too.

[02:40:25] Nick says you do realize that she basically told your husband that she didn't want a boy. He's probably dealing with his own issues at the moment and that's why he's being quiet. Law replies that saying, The mean person is mother-in-law, not the arsehole. I will say you of course should be mad at what happened and can understand going no contact. I can understand no contact with kid for a while as well. You do need to understand this is hard on your husband as well. He's basically told by his mom he wasn't enough.

[02:40:53] He can decide if he wants contact again someday but I'd recommend speaking to a therapist for him. As far as long term no contact for your child, I'd say give it some time and then both of you can talk. Maybe with professional help without any further contact between grandma and child. A Rose says not the arsehole. She's only sorry because she got caught. Do not allow her near you or to alienate your children. She's already shown you she cannot be trusted.

[02:41:22] She's so hateful she traumatized children and wished for you to die. How on earth can your husband even question no contact? My children are not emotional support animals or your mother's do-over babies. If you feel sympathy for her by all means go move back in with your mother and be her son's band. The burning wizard replies that saying the husband hasn't questioned going no contact. Opie has said several times that he supports her.

[02:41:48] The reason he probably has gone quiet is that his mother also said that she wished she had a daughter instead of him. So not only has he got his mother wishing his wife had died, his daughter being traumatized. He also got the triple whammy of knowing that his mother never really wanted him. I know society and social media thinks and pushes the narrative that men are stoic and unfeeling. But we do have feelings and emotions. And he's probably gone very quiet as he tries to process all of what has just taken place in a very, very short space of time.

[02:42:17] Now would be the time for Opie to also support him as he supports her. The Opie comes in with her first update and says, Well, you guys were right. I decided to talk to my husband and asked if he's upset that I decided me and the girls would go no contact with mother-in-law. He said he wasn't. He said he always knew mother-in-law wanted a daughter instead of him. And it brought back all the bad memories of rejection and hurt he felt grown up as a kid by her. I suggested therapy and he's willing to go.

[02:42:46] We're also going to get therapy for our six-year-old as she now gets anxious if I'm not within her sight. My husband agreed that going no contact with mother-in-law is the best thing for our family. Our daughter's birthday is coming up and we have yet to tell mother-in-law she is no longer invited. Not looking forward to that, but that's the update. Thanks everyone for the lovely comments and support. I appreciate it. Two of the top comments on that one is someone says suggestion, Maybe take your daughter out of town for her birthday to a nearby attraction.

[02:43:16] Zoo, play, something special on her birthday instead of a party or a party at a later date with her little friends instead of family. If you're not there, mother-in-law can throw all the witch fits she wants and nobody will be there to see her. And there's no party for her to ruin. Another commenter says, She wanted you dead, so treat her as if you are. Not the arseo. And OP comes in with another update and says, I didn't think I'd be posting here again. I thought my last update would be my last. But here we are.

[02:43:46] Mother-in-law has been arrested. My husband, cousin found my post and knew it was me and she reported straight to mother-in-law. Yeah, we knew it was you who told her, Christina. Margaret told us all about it when she came over and screaming we can't keep her daughters from her. She didn't even hesitate to drop your name and throw you under the bus. So much for loyalty, huh? You are not welcome in home anymore and you are officially removed from Sam's birthday list and our lives.

[02:44:14] How about you show the whole family this post so they can see how two-faced you are? To the Reddit community, sorry about that. But mother-in-law has been arrested. She came to our house screaming we can't keep her daughters from her. Husband tried to calm her down and get her to leave. She wouldn't and attacked him. My husband had to restrain her and I called the police. She fought them but it got nowhere except the back of their car. The woman is truly insane.

[02:44:41] My husband talked to the police because I had to calm down my daughters because they witnessed the whole thing. My six-year-old was hysterical about granny being taken away. This is all just a big mess. And lots of people on the back of this one suggesting getting a restraining order. Clearly saying that mother-in-law has some mental issues going on. Not excusing the behavior of course. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[02:45:10] What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. And our next story does come with updates as well from Separated and Confused who says Am I the asshole for going scorched earth over my inheritance rings? I know the title sounds bad and I also know that parts of this make me a bad person. However, I think I deserve grace and understanding. Maybe I'm completely wrong though.

[02:45:39] I'm in the middle of a divorce with my 26 female husband, 29 male. The divorce happened for many reasons. I started dating my ex when I was 15 and got married at 19. I was so young and broken from childhood sexual assault. He made me feel complete and used to say that he was the only one who could help put me back together. I believed him. I thought if I was with him I'd be okay.

[02:46:06] That was true for the most part but I lost a lot of my identity. I thought I was happy. But when you lose yourself in someone you can't understand how toxic they can be. Because I thought I was finally whole. Then 2020 hit. My husband's infrequent outbursts became more common as his drinking got worse. He would scream at me. Tell me I was worthless and stupid. Tell me I wasn't enough fun anymore.

[02:46:32] Coerced me into sex by telling me I was useless unless I put out and that he deserved it. He also hit me a few times when I got mad back or said no to sex. He messed around with his friend's wife and his best friend's girlfriend. To be honest, I thought I deserved this behavior. I thought I deserved the abuse because I wasn't good enough. This is where the second part of my story starts. I found out about his friend's girlfriend because the friends told me. He didn't deny it. I felt broken.

[02:47:02] I resolved to stay and work it out but I ended up close with his friend. We started hanging out and I felt very close with him super quickly. I pumped the brakes when I thought I might have feelings. Let's talk about your dream type. Oh, it's difficult. Go on. Okay, he has to be for every adventure and of course look great. And he never allowed to wait for me. Sounds disgusting after the new Ford Puma Gen E.

[02:47:30] He is faster than your smartphone from 10 to 80% in only 23 minutes. Hmm, then I have to try. The new Ford Puma Gen E. Now to try to book on Ford.de. I did things and talked with my husband. He, maybe because he was drunk, maybe because he thought I wouldn't do it, gave me the go-ahead. He said he figured if he fucked around, I could too. I enjoyed every minute with him.

[02:48:00] At first it was purely sexual. He was leaving a bad relationship. I was trying to learn how to ask for what I wanted. But over time I found out how awesome he was. And little by little my personality felt like it was coming back. One day I decided to tell him everything he did to me. With my new confidence, I learned that I didn't deserve that behavior. He was absolutely horrified. Said he figured something was up, but didn't realize to what extent.

[02:48:27] He said he would be there for me no matter what, and he was. We fell in love, and I didn't know what to do. He loves me, but isn't sure if he wants to be with me because of the severe blowback he'd have personally. I ended up deciding to get divorced. Even if I couldn't have him, I knew that I couldn't be in that home, constantly scared and freaking out. I filed, and it was like a switch for my husband.

[02:48:52] He stopped drinking, said he would go to couples therapy, and honestly, all the abuse stopped. I felt like I was making the wrong decision, like I should stay, but I knew I could not ever go back to how it was. He asked me to stop seeing my partner. I told him I did, but I did not. I couldn't, and even though my husband was trying, I couldn't get over everything he did to me over the last three years. Maybe I could have if I stopped seeing my friend, but I didn't.

[02:49:20] I just knew I never wanted to go back to the potential of that. Now, I feel horrible. I still am seeing my friend. I'm still in love with him, even with the uncertain future. I enjoy every day I get to see him. He said he feels the same. The guilt about it eats at me, but I just can't stop seeing him. In the divorce, my friends all took his side. He told them about my friend, but not about his abuse. And with him working on himself, I didn't want to tell anyone.

[02:49:49] I didn't think it was helpful. So now, everyone knows about me and my friend. But everyone thinks we're not together. No one really talks to us though. My divorce should be over in December. I'm excited and ready for it all to be behind me. I won't lie though. I'm hopeful that my friend and I can be together. And if that makes me a bad person, that sucks. But I don't want to wait hoping a man can get it together. I want something great that's in front of me. And if we don't work, that's fine too.

[02:50:19] I just know I deserve better. So there's a couple of top comments on this part where I hope you responded. So no investigator says you're making a mistake by not telling your friends what's really going on. You're allowing him to trash you and he will continue to do it. Give your friends a chance to support you. And take it from a much older sister. The working on himself thing is phony. He'd go right back to being an abusive asshole if you went back. It happens all the time.

[02:50:46] Spouse abuses other spouse then vows to fix things when they leave. All they do is go right back when spouse is roped back in. Your new guy is a rebound. When you've been with an abuser, pretty much anyone who doesn't abuse you looks good. Been there, have the t-shirt. Get divorced and stay single for a while while you get on your own two feet. OP says yeah, he might be a rebound but I've been with him for a year. He's been very supportive. I'm hoping that we can take some time apart and I can heal.

[02:51:15] I got my own apartment two hours from my ex in a big city. Able to make my own money. And it's been nice. And for me, I'm glad that comment said that because it was the way that I was feeling about this whole rebound thing. Like if you've been in a relationship like that where you're being abused, etc, etc. Anything's got to look good. If you're getting like even the tiniest bit support from someone else, that's got to look amazing, right? You look at that person as kind of saving you as well, right? Obviously I don't know.

[02:51:44] I've never been in that position but it just, that's the way it kind of feels in my head. But name game no shame says, I'm so proud of you for getting out of this horrible marriage any way you can. But I want you to know this time apart from your other guy as a gift, you absolutely must accept. I've been in these, sadly, a couple of these situations before and I have to tell you, I do not regret the relationship so much as I regret not to take the time to be alone for a long ass time.

[02:52:10] You were so brave but you need to heal and learn to love yourself more. I can see you're already on your way but you know, do it more. Phoebe says thank you, I appreciate it. I kind of needed the permission to just do that. My friend said he would be completely understanding if that's what I choose and support it. I'm just trying to wait until I get my bearings in the new city before we part ways. He knows this but neither of us want it. But we know I need it.

[02:52:38] If he's still single when that happens and we hit it off again, that'd be amazing. But it will also be fine if not. So Opie adds another post and this is where the title of the whole thing came in. That was a pretty bit before was like a bit of backstory to what happened. And Opie added the post which was titled, Am I the asshole for going scorched earth over my inheritance rings? Which came four months later after that post and said, My female 27 mum passed a year ago. It was known that it was a possibility.

[02:53:07] So my mum divided up her jewellery my dad had gotten her over the years to give to us if she passes. I'd picked out two rings I'd help my dad pick out. They were not cheap, about $10,000 a piece when I got them appraised. When I left my husband 30 male, I left pretty quickly and with basically nothing just to get out. He kept some of my stuff, but it was in our divorce agreement that certain things were to be given to me and held in a safe deposit box until I could get them.

[02:53:35] I took basically nothing monetarily from the marriage when I left and gave him basically everything. The divorce is now final. I finally came back to my home state to pick up the rings. I found out that he did not put the rings in the safety deposit box, just some of my other jewellery. I confronted him about it and I found out that not only did he not place them for safekeeping, he stored them in his new girlfriend's female 21 apartment.

[02:54:02] Who says she had them in her jewellery box for safekeeping, but she can't find them. She knew what they were according to the texts I have, and they were not his or a gift. I talked to my lawyer. He's filing a lawsuit since. One, inheritance is not marital property. And two, my ex did not follow his end of the divorce decree. I'm asking for $25,000, the cost of the rings, plus emotional damages for the loss of the only thing I have left from my mum.

[02:54:31] I also filed a report to the police for theft of the rings by his girlfriend. That probably won't go anywhere though, but they're investigating if she or he sold them. I think it's a high possibility given the value. I'm devastated by losing these. They were so special to me. He and his girlfriend are pissed at me because it's too much money that they don't have. She could get charged with theft or laundering the money from selling them for my ex. I'm not sure. This is mostly from my lawyer, and it's just a couple of rings.

[02:55:01] His friends, my old friends who I don't speak with, have been blowing at my phone calling me a bitch. And I heard him so much already, and to just leave it alone. I'm getting what I deserve. I wish I could get the rings back, but I'm so upset at this and over the whole attitude about it that I want to basically go scorched earth on them. At this point, it's not only about the sentimental value, but to give a big fuck you after everything.

[02:55:27] Am I the arsehole here for seeing my ex for my rings and potentially getting his girlfriend in legal trouble? A couple of top comments before we move on to the next update. So, someone says not the arsehole. He needs to give you a complete and honest account of what happened to your rings. If he'd rather see his new girlfriend in jail than face the truth, well, it sucks to be her and be thrown under the bus. Opie says that's my biggest thing. I want to know where they went.

[02:55:55] If he would just tell me, locate them and give them back, I might not have to do this. It's not even about the money. It's about taking away something so important to me. Most likely they're in some pawn shop. I'm not in town much longer, but my siblings said they would search every pawn shop to see if one of them have it. Okplay says, who cares what his friends say? The rings were your property and he either lost or sold them. Hold them accountable. Opie says, I agree. I just hate how my phone is blowing up.

[02:56:23] It's hard to continuously be called a bitch and everything else they say about me. I've been thinking about changing my number over all this. The OP updates again 10 days later and says, I posted around a week ago about my ex-husband stealing my rings. I was getting nowhere with him. The cops seemed pretty uninterested and my lawyer said that while we had a case, it could take ages. My family went through a lot of pawn shops but couldn't find anything.

[02:56:50] I was feeling pretty horrible about everything going on and figured they were a lost cause. I told a friend from my past message me on Instagram earlier this week. She never had sent me anything bad like other people. We just didn't talk. She linked the profile of my ex's new girlfriend's brother and said, I'm not sure. His fiance's ring looks like it might be yours. This friend also lost her mother when she was younger and said she didn't care what happened between me and my ex but she wasn't letting some guy take that away from me.

[02:57:20] We talked for a bit and she said she was upset when she heard about the rings being missing. My ex had gloated saying, I wasn't ever giving them back. I wanted to find them if she could. I went over to the page and sure as shit, my favorite ring. A diamond with weaving silver and rose gold diamond paste band was prominent in his engagement photos.

[02:57:41] I then went all CIA on them and looked at every family member this girl has and found another sister with my other ring saying it was a purity ring gifted by her sister for her 16th birthday. I was floored and very pissed. I called into the work for the rest of the week and drove my ass back to my hometown. Picked up my brother and went to my ex's apartment.

[02:58:03] My ex answered the door and I lied telling him that the cops were going to arrest his girlfriend's brother and sister for theft and he could give me those rings back in two days or else. One day went by, no rings. So I messaged the brother's new fiance on Instagram, showed her pictures of the ring on my hand slash on my mom's hand and said it was stolen and that I wanted it back. This poor girl was appalled. I honestly think she had no idea. We ended up calling each other.

[02:58:31] She apologized and said she would talk to her fiance. I told her that I was getting that ring back. We ended up meeting up. I showed her more proof it was mine, told her the whole story and thank God she gave it back to me. She said she didn't like her fiance's sister and that she thought she was bad news and basically stayed away from her. She said she would talk to her fiance about why in the hell he thought getting a ring from her would be a good idea.

[02:58:58] I guess word got out and my ex started calling me incessantly. Basically leaving messages saying he'd do anything but don't make his girlfriend's sister give the ring back. It was embarrassing etc. I picked my brother back up, went back to his apartment. This time both his girlfriend and him were there. Yelling match started. My brother had to keep me from basically clawing the eyes out of that bitch. I ended up literally sitting in that entryway saying I wasn't leaving until I got that ring.

[02:59:27] Or they could call the cops to remove me and I'd tell them about the rings. I didn't know exactly what happened after that but she left. And came back with a ring after about an hour. The whole time my ex is saying my mum was basically his too and he should have something from her and it was only right. My brother was basically standing between me and him telling him to back off. When I got the second ring back. I stood up and just finally lost my shit. Years of him and I don't think I'd ever gotten that mad before.

[02:59:57] I screamed at him, told him off and spit on him when I left. I don't think it was the most mature response but it felt fucking good. I'm also surprised that he didn't get a noise complaint slash cops called out on us. But the apartment isn't necessarily known for being nice. As for why the fuck that woman thought it was a good idea to give the rings to her family. I don't know. I'm hoping that an old friend might give me some gossip. Or that I might hear from the fiance.

[03:00:24] But honestly, I'm just happy that my rings are back and the drama is settled. I don't have to deal with them anymore. Nothing else is needed from our divorce decree. My boyfriend promised me a massage and cuddles from the cat when I get back into town. And honestly, I'm just hoping to never hear from them again. And a top comment on that says glad you got them back. I hope his girlfriend runs. Opie says honestly, I think they deserve each other. They both knew exactly what they were doing.

[03:00:51] But the not heartless side of me hopes she sees him for what he is and leaves. And that he gets sober and gets better. And what I enjoyed, maybe enjoyed is the wrong word for this. But it was seeing the change in Opie's character throughout. In Opie throughout the story. You know, they've been through an absolute awful time. From a young age by the sounds of it. They went through this abusive relationship. You know, dealing with a lot of feelings of guilt. And what they were going through as well.

[03:01:22] This potential rebound relationship. And then discovering about these rings basically being stolen. And the change in character from Opie from the very beginning. To that point where they was literally fighting to get these back. Going back to their home state. And telling people, no, I'm getting these rings back no matter what. It was nice to see for Opie I thought. I mean, absolutely been through hell and back. But I'm so glad that Opie did go through with it. And did get those rings back.

[03:01:52] But what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, our next story comes from Lama Thrust Alty who says, From the Am I the Asshole subreddit. Who says, would I be the asshole for asking my fiancee to remove someone as a bridesmaid. Because of something she said while inebriated. I'm lucky enough to be engaged to the woman of my dreams. She's perfect in every way. And the wedding is currently scheduled for next June.

[03:02:22] Right now, along with my fiancee, I have a very close friend living with us. She was my roommate in college and basically family. Five months ago she found out she was pregnant. When she was told her entire life it was impossible for her to have kids. She was ecstatic but her boyfriend, in case it comes up, who was also a roommate and basically family, wasn't. And begged her to have an abortion. Basically she thought she'd never have another chance but they were obviously not in any position to raise a kid at the moment.

[03:02:52] Her relationship got very strained and she ended up having a miscarriage. One week after, she found out her boyfriend was having an emotional affair with a co-worker. They broke up and she ended up also getting into a massive fight with her family. Obviously, I moved her into my place ASAP while she was definitely struggling for a while. I'm glad to say she seems to be slowly healing. A few nights ago, my fiancee had some of her friends over. All of which are bridesmaids.

[03:03:21] My friend joined them and all of them ended up getting pretty drunk. My fiancee falls asleep pretty fast when she's drunk so I carried her up to our room and tucked her in so I could take care of everyone else. My friend at that point started drinking really heavily and looked kind of sick. So I walked her up to the bathroom and held her hair for about 20 minutes while she puked. When I figured she had enough out of her system, I left her to go and check on the other girls and get them home.

[03:03:48] I was walking down the steps and heard one of her friends make a comment about me helping my friend up because I wanted to get in her pants. The other girls around her immediately told her off. They're all aware of my friend's situation by the way. I just stood obstructed on the stairway, trembling in anger. I managed to calm down temporarily, come down and send them all home in Ubers. I'd offered to drive them before, but in all honesty I felt so angry I did not want to be in that position. Three days later and I'm still angry.

[03:04:17] I genuinely don't ever want to be in the same room as this woman ever again, let alone have her eight feet away as I say my vows. I haven't told my fiancee any of this yet, but I was planning to do so tomorrow, as well as request her friend at least be removed from having a role, if not, flat out be uninvited to the wedding. So would I be the asshole for asking to remove her for something she said when she was drunk? Okay. Edits. Quite a few comments on this now, so I want to address a few points.

[03:04:45] First, my fiancee and her friends do not have problems with alcohol. My girl is a lightweight and none of her friends were blackout drunk or anything that far. The only person who puked was my friend. Passing out because you drunk too much and fall in the sleep after a couple of drinks are two entirely different things. Okay, I really gotta spell it out here because this is getting fucking ridiculous. Every girl not living in my house had three to four drinks at night.

[03:05:10] Enough that none of them were getting behind the wheel, but not enough that they were all massively hammered and completely out of control. My fiancee had maybe three drinks and fell asleep 30 minutes after. Not passed out. Not blacked out. Just fell asleep. My friend was the only one who drank heavily. Easily the equivalent of six. Maybe a couple more at most. At absolutely no point have I ever indicated I was going to take action or demand. My particular wording was request above, not demand.

[03:05:39] Before talking to my fiancee about the whole story and the issue. I now intend to talk to the bridesmaid as well before I request anything. I understand I'm being a little overly sensitive. The reality is the whole situation has been harsh and shitty for everyone involved. In particular, I know I've been very defensive of my friend given her current situation with her family. And it's entirely possible some of this anger towards bridesmaid was redirected from things my friend's sister has said and done to her in recent history.

[03:06:08] All of this being said, there is absolutely positively nothing more between me and my friend besides a deeply platonic relationship. I do not have romantic or sexual feelings to my friend at all. Nor am I insecure about society telling me I can't have women friends without wanting to sleep with them. I'm just worried about my friend who's still in a pretty bad place. I feel very insulted. Someone would insinuate I'd be taking advantage of her in such a state. She has not been living with us for five months.

[03:06:38] She found out she was pregnant five months ago. A miscarriage happened approximately two months ago. And she moved into my place about two weeks after that. Sarah girl asked some info. They said, info, would you consider talking to this friend about how her comments made you feel and see how things go from there? How is or has the relationship between you two usually friendly or strained? Is this possibly a poor attempt at a drunken joke? I'm not saying what she said is right. Just trying to look at it from all angles here.

[03:07:07] Removing a bridesmaid or uninviting someone is a pretty big step. Just want to make sure this is something you really want to do. I hope you respond saying, honestly, I've thought about it, but I definitely would need to wait a little longer as I'm still seeing red. The relationship has been fine before. I'm not especially close to her as I am with some of my fiancee's other friends like her maid of honor. But we've never been on bad terms. I'd say friendly. It was worded as a joke, but her tone was accusatory.

[03:07:35] Maybe I won't rush into banning her until I at least talk to her. Heres Gales says, I don't know if my fiancee said he wanted to ban a close friend from attending the wedding over a drunken comment like this. It would set off alarm bells immediately. It comes off as really defensive regarding you and your friend's relationship. I think if you talked to your fiancee about how that comment hurt you, it would be fine because those feelings are totally valid. But to go so far and say you want the friend removed is extreme in my opinion. You would be the arsehole.

[03:08:06] Fuzzy Pin says no one's an arsehole here. Sounds like she made a dumb little joke at a really bad time. How did she react when people started telling her off? Was she being as serious as you think she was? Was she actually accusing you of something or were emotions just high and she said something she shouldn't have in a bad moment? I understand being angry, but demanding your wife essentially remove her as a friend over something that could have been just a shitty out of place comment that wasn't meant to be taken this seriously could be a bit much.

[03:08:33] We don't know how she said it or what she did after. So that's up to you. But I don't know. I think you could be overreacting a bit. And one more comment from Dragon Child who says you're the arsehole. This is a major overreaction to a thoughtless, likely drunken comment. The appropriate response is to sit down like adults and talk about it. Then make a decision based on how she reacts then. If she doubles down or loses it, then you remove her. If she can apologize and use her words like a grown up, water under the bridge.

[03:09:03] Her intense reaction seems to be disproportionate so it may be that the dart struck closer to home than you'd like. I'm not saying you do want to get in their pants, but maybe you feel a bit guilty about your closeness because society tells you you can't have a girlfriend without it being sexual. And although the post was voted you're the arsehole in this situation, there was a mix of comments. Loads of no one's an arsehole here. Loads of not the arseholes here. It was a real mix. But Opie did come in with an update and says,

[03:11:31] And R2 played her so bad she dropped off a puppuccino for him this morning. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story, which comes from WorriedStrength7894 from the Relationship Advice subreddit. And says,

[03:14:38] Another edit which says,

[03:15:29] And I think Opie's already got their answer. And I imagine what a lot of the comments are going to be saying is absolutely that would be a terrible idea. Putting your name on someone else's loan, especially something as big as a mortgage that's going to take years and years to pay off. And like you said, you wouldn't be able to get another one in the meantime. Just puts a complete halt on your life. I'm sorry they're going through this, but in the end, that's not your issue. They can still rent another place. Nothing's stopping them from doing that.

[03:15:59] And I got to be completely honest, someone even asking that is a bit of a red flag for me at the same time. But Baring C says, This is a terrible idea. Do not do it. They were renting before. They can find another place to rent. Do not make this your problem. A commenter replies saying, I wholly agree on it being a terrible idea. And that Opie shouldn't do it. Either it, not co-signing the mortgage, not letting their sister move in. However, it might be very hard for the family to find another place to rent.

[03:16:27] A line about the former landlord being angry about the fire suggests that they might have caused it. And either way, they're not getting a good reference there. That's a rare rental that allows nine cats. Many local ordinances in the US forbid having that many actually. So it might not even be legal. And I didn't even touch on the cat situation and the sister move in as well. The sister would be in there, I'm afraid, as well. Because it just, I've seen too many stories about where they move in. They never move out. And nine cats at the same time.

[03:16:57] Holy moly. No, I like cats. But nine cats is just way too many for me anyway. Just waiting for some of the comments to go, No, I got 20 cats. Who says, do not do it? I'm sorry for your boyfriend's family, but don't do it. This can easily get you trapped. If you consider it, meet with a lawyer and get a contract that is for your benefit and doesn't leave you with a cost for all of this. What if you do it and your boyfriend leaves anyway? Anyway, that sounds very fishy to me.

[03:17:25] If you were my client, I would tell you as an accountant to stay away from this. You are just the girlfriend. And you're in a position easily to abuse and use. So, on the back of that, OP comes in with an update and says, So I was not expecting 1,300 people to find so many different ways to say no. LOL. I'll be honest. I was not inclined to sign anything. Not because I didn't think his family would follow through or anything. I just knew I didn't know enough to make this decision.

[03:17:53] Home ownership is a distant thought right now at the wee age of 25. I came here hoping to see if this is something people actually do. And what it would mean for me and my boyfriend if we did. The obvious risk was, what if we break up? But I knew there was more than that. And you made that all clear. First things first. No mortgage. I made that post yesterday morning. And after reading through the comments that actually gave insight into something like this. I realized, yeah, there is no way we can do this.

[03:18:21] I wish it was a viable option to solve their current problem. But it just isn't. Fortunately, by the time I got home after work and talked to my boyfriend about it. He also had realized this was not a good idea. Glad I had the foresight to make us wait before giving his family an answer. It just stunted too much of our own opportunities for the future. Though we're both on the same page about it. Thank God. Someone mentioned that you can learn a lot about someone by how they handle the word no.

[03:18:48] And I can say that I didn't really learn anything. But just confirm suspicions I already had. His mom was very understanding. And I don't think she even understood what she was asking when it came up. After my boyfriend explained it to her. She told his dad. Who is not his bio dad or even his stepdad. Just his mom's long time boyfriend. This matters for the next part. His dad did not take it very well. Before any of this, my boyfriend's parents told him. It would help him get his credit up. Who could take on the loan for the house.

[03:19:18] It helped pay off his credit card and obviously front the money for the down payment. And then they said if we didn't help with the house. Let's still do that since he's helped so much already. Coordinated with the Red Cross to get them assistance after the fire. Helped wrangle the cats. How's the cats and his family. Went with them to the realtor. As I suspected though. Once we made it clear it was not happening with the mortgage. And how it would damage our future chances of the home for ourselves. His dad wasn't happy.

[03:19:46] When his mom asked if they were still paying my boyfriend's credit card. His dad said no. He didn't help us. So we won't help him. As now he puts it apparently. Yeah. Like I said. My boyfriend's family is dysfunctional. I can't say I've ever had the most respect for his dad. But he's been there for most of my boyfriend's life. I have lots of thoughts of how this should go. But ultimately. We're just going to try problem solving in different ways. Definitely no rushing into quick fixes. Maybe be less ready to help.

[03:20:16] So his dad can see what that's actually like. Also. A note to all of you as a collective. I understand the world is full of cruel people. But I think a lot of you miss the context of this situation. When you cast judgement on his family's intentions. This is a family who has been displaced in a house fire. They're immigrants who aren't completely and perfectly savvy to all of the logistics of buying a home. The reality for a lot of immigrants is that they do rush into terrible solutions. Because they don't always think they have another option.

[03:20:45] They know they have less resources because they lack citizen status. And it's not uncommon for children to help their parents in extreme ways. And that doesn't just apply to immigrants. There are people all over the world taking extreme risks to try and better their situation. But since they live so long needing to think on their feet. They don't always feel like they can afford to look for other options. All that to say. Practice a bit more compassion. I understand this was too much of a risk for myself. But that's not going to stop me from helping them where I can.

[03:21:15] So on the back of that one. A user called PM Me or Chihuahua says. As a child of immigrants I get some of the concerns. However my parents bought and sold houses several times before they became citizens. Including new builds. It's not impossible for immigrants if they have legal status here. More difficult yes. But non-citizen immigrants buy homes in the US all the time. OP says. Oh for sure. My mum was an immigrant and her parents owned a home before becoming citizens here. With my mum's help I'm pretty sure.

[03:21:45] I think she would send them money sometimes. I know it's not impossible for immigrants to be savvy. But I've met plenty who are not. My mum currently works with families who have recently moved to the US. To help register their kids for school. But meet a lot of people in a variety of situations. There's funny seeing comments of people saying. That's too many people in one apartment. I've met people who share a one bedroom apartment with a whole other family. Two families in one apartment. All I know is that some people have to work with what they got. I can't knock them for trying.

[03:22:15] Someone suggests to OP that the mother's boyfriend knew exactly what he was asking for. And OP says. Did that man know it was too much? Maybe. But I personally don't put a lot of stock in his character either way. So I think it could be both ways. I do think people can be selfish without understanding what they are asking for. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? What do you make of the update? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[03:22:44] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, support and time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so much for being involved. Truly. It's absolutely amazing. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.