Ex Has Been INSISTING For 15 Years That Her Child Is Mind But Refuses Paternity Test r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider in that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:21] Now, today's first story comes from Am I the arsehole here? That says Am I the arsehole here because I call my psycho ex's unrelated child my nauter.

[00:00:30] Buckle up. 15 years ago, I was 25 and was finishing my contract and my then girlfriend of three years, Natalie, was acting increasingly strange.

[00:00:42] I came back from a two month assignment and was prepared to break up with Natalie. She came by and gave me the good news. She was pregnant.

[00:00:50] I asked how far along she was. She said five weeks. So I broke it off with her and told her she needed to do better at math.

[00:00:58] She refused the breakup and insisted the baby was mine. So I told her the following. Number one,

[00:01:05] paternity test and two, if the child was mine, we can talk about financial support and custody arrangements with lawyers.

[00:01:13] She refused both and told everyone we both knew that I was a deadbeat for knocking her up and leaving her.

[00:01:19] I told everyone I was on a two month assignment when she conceived. But a few insisted for the sake of decency.

[00:01:25] I haus her and give her limited support. I consulted a lawyer about this mess and the lawyer made it very,

[00:01:32] very clear that any overt support I give could be seen as me taking responsibility. So I told these

[00:01:39] friends that and most dropped it. Except one guy who again insisted that charity couldn't be used as a

[00:01:46] legal culture like that. I told him if he believes that he can haus her. He agreed to drop it after that.

[00:01:53] The child was born and not even going to go into the hole. She didn't look like me because most babies

[00:01:59] are born with squished faces. And all I saw were the pics she sent me with messages like,

[00:02:04] Emma wants to know where daddy is and shit. She still refused to take any paternity tests,

[00:02:10] but constantly showing up with that baby got to the point where I filed for a restraining order.

[00:02:16] Fun fact. In my state, a permanent restraining order is not in fact permanent. It is two

[00:02:23] fucking years long. The only way to get it longer is if there was a violent crime associated. And

[00:02:29] apparently bugging someone with a baby that's not theirs is not a violent crime. So my life for the

[00:02:34] last 14 years was me renewing the restraining order every two because once it clears, Natalie shows up

[00:02:41] again with not my child. I did eventually find a nice girl, get married and now I have a nine year old

[00:02:48] son, Henry. My wife Kim is well aware of Natalie and Emma. When the cycle begins again, they always say

[00:02:56] the same thing. One paternity test. Two, once paternity is proven, I will take custody and get

[00:03:01] financial support set up. Natalie always refuses and says both are insulting. Recently, the cycle started

[00:03:09] again. And this time, Emma showed up first. She approached my son during a school event, visit to

[00:03:15] the zoo and said, Hi, I'm your big sister, Emma. Henry knows about stranger danger and ran away to a

[00:03:22] teacher. I had to have a very, very painful talk to the teachers and parents that were at the event

[00:03:28] about my relationship with Emma and Natalie. Now, Emma was never my daughter. I even called her my

[00:03:34] nauter once or twice in the conversation. After the group disbanded, one of the mothers confronted

[00:03:40] me and said that while Natalie was in the wrong telling this poor child I was her father, calling

[00:03:45] her my nauter was mocking the situation. I kind of get where she's coming from. Just, I can't help this

[00:03:52] child. And the honest truth is, playing light of the two years cycle is the closest I can get to finding

[00:03:57] peace in the situation. Edit. To answer the repeated question. In my state, the mother has

[00:04:04] to start the petition for the father to be established and the test to start. There is no

[00:04:08] instance where a father can start the petition. There was a chance to do this when Emma was born,

[00:04:13] but the window was exactly one month. I was much too focused on the restraining order,

[00:04:18] not thinking the paternity angle would bite me in the butt. One last time, to everyone saying,

[00:04:24] just ask for custody, they'd have forced a DNA test. Literally can't be done. Been through this

[00:04:31] enough with a lawyer and have consulted with other lawyers. There are laws protecting children and a

[00:04:36] lot of them exist for good reason. I'll explain it the way my lawyer explained it. Imagine there's a

[00:04:42] woman that run from an abusive ex. She finds out after she escaped she's pregnant. He gives birth,

[00:04:48] never puts the ex on the birth certificate, never tries to file for support because she wants to get as

[00:04:52] far away from him as possible. He finds out years later and tries to rope her back in by using the

[00:04:59] child as leverage. She can just say no and the state has to let it go. There is however a provision

[00:05:05] if the father was involved enough to know when the birth was that he could submit his DNA to the state

[00:05:10] within 31 days of the birth as a potential father. But that time has long passed. The law is designed this

[00:05:18] way on purpose. In the eyes of the family court, I am a random person and was never claimed to Emma.

[00:05:24] If you think the state wants all children to be claimed by fathers and will gladly submit any DNA

[00:05:29] test whenever any potential father shows up, find a random single mom. Call the family court and say

[00:05:35] you want to claim her child. I'm tired of everyone acting like all I needed to do was file out one sheet

[00:05:41] of paper and this nightmare would end. Please, just call a lawyer for a free consultation or post on a

[00:05:47] legal advice and ask them. It doesn't work that way. So there were some relevant comments with replies

[00:05:54] from the OP. Zulu Mad said, what really bothers me here is that a restraining order was in place,

[00:06:00] but Emma was confident enough to know she was approaching the right kid. Madness says,

[00:06:04] not the arsehole here. At some point it becomes draining and the little girl is going to need some

[00:06:10] serious therapy after everything is said and done. Why don't you go to the courthouse and make her do

[00:06:14] one so it can come to an end? OP says because Natalie does not consent to it. And she said,

[00:06:21] not seeking any sort of court ordered support. So the court just shrugs and says, get a protective

[00:06:26] order. Buzz Carrot says, you could get a court ordered DNA test. Her claims are slanderous. You could

[00:06:32] take her to court to prove paternity. OP says, Natalie has long since stopped calling me out for

[00:06:38] being a deadbeat online. She prefers to show up in person asking if I want to meet our daughter.

[00:06:44] The last time the cops confronted her about this, she claims that she only wanted me to act as a

[00:06:50] paternal father figure to her child. It really depends on the cops that show up. Apple says,

[00:06:56] not the arsehole. I can understand why someone would think that this is callous, but it's your

[00:07:00] business and you've every right to use humor to try to deal with it. Don't say that to Emma,

[00:07:06] considering that she believes your mom, that would be pretty rude. Now the burning question. How did

[00:07:11] she find Henry while he was on a field trip? OP says, we suspect Natalie befriended her mom at school

[00:07:18] and got a class schedule and dropped Emma off at the zoo to be with her brother. Since we are unrelated,

[00:07:24] I have no idea what school Emma goes to or who Natalie's friends are. We are being very reactive to

[00:07:30] the situation. But because there are children involved, my lawyer said that that's the best we

[00:07:35] can do. And any type of investigation into Natalie beyond where to send legal paperwork could make it

[00:07:40] seem like mutual contact and hurt any future restraining orders. See Still says, I feel sorry

[00:07:47] for Emma because she's been brainwashed by her mother and that's all she knows. She's innocent in this,

[00:07:53] yet her world and her sense of identity seems likely to come apart one day.

[00:07:57] It must be a lie. Not just because of the timing, but because the DNA test is such an easy and obvious

[00:08:03] way to prove if she's telling the truth. OP says, the offer stays open until Emma turns 18.

[00:08:09] If she wants to contact me after she turns 18, we'll offer Emma herself the DNA test and depending on

[00:08:16] the results, act accordingly. And I felt like that last comment as well, because like the comment said,

[00:08:23] this is all Emma knows and she's convinced that she's got a brother. So she's being messed with

[00:08:29] in her mind at the same time, which I just find heartbreaking. And with the OP and the constant

[00:08:36] harassment when, you know, it could be so easily proved by her if she just accepted this test, but

[00:08:42] she refuses to do so. And then, and then OP's having to deal with these two year restraining orders.

[00:08:47] It's, it's a, I find that incredible. Like after you've done it time and time again,

[00:08:52] that they didn't just look at this and say, Oh, all right, let's absolutely make this permanent.

[00:08:56] I find that wild. But OP comes in with an update and says, got off the phone with my attorney.

[00:09:02] We have a preliminary hearing on the new restraining order this week.

[00:09:06] Will most likely be issued a temporary restraining order. And then after that,

[00:09:10] another hearing for the permanent restraining order.

[00:09:13] CPS is investigating Natalie and Emma's living situation. The teacher's report held a lot of

[00:09:20] weight. And my lawyer thinks that this might actually be a way to end the madness now.

[00:09:24] In family court for minors, there exists something that's like a temporary court appointed guardian.

[00:09:30] I think the term is guardian ad litem, who is only a guardian for legal purposes

[00:09:35] and procedures and decisions of such, including for medical. If the family court appoints such for Emma,

[00:09:41] we can ask this temporary guardian for the DNA test. Get this put to ground. The madness might

[00:09:46] actually have an ending in sight. Adding here, I feel like I need to explain the relationship I

[00:09:52] had with Natalie all those years ago. When I got back from my two months assignments,

[00:09:56] I was already dead set on breaking up with her. Her, oh wait, I'm pregnant, was never going to make

[00:10:02] me marry her. In fact, I doubted she was pregnant for several weeks. The last year of our relationship,

[00:10:08] several red flags appeared in her behavior. Ranging from demanding I check in with her while at work,

[00:10:14] only hang out with friends with her present, extreme bouts of jealousy if I ever seemed too

[00:10:20] friendly with women, including waitresses. I was in a line of work that demanded me being away for

[00:10:25] long stints, which she hated, but also kept me out of her reach for long periods of time.

[00:10:29] I think it was halfway through that last year, I realized that when I was away, I did not miss her.

[00:10:36] In fact, I was relieved to plop into a cot and fall asleep after long hours of work without thinking

[00:10:41] about her. When the pregnancy turned out to be real, it made it clear that with a paternity test,

[00:10:47] I would pay support, split custody, and be a co-parent and nothing more. She wanted me to be her husband,

[00:10:53] no question asked. No test, just pure blind faith and devotion to her and the child. The test, she

[00:11:01] insisted, was insulting. There was never going to be a relationship and there was no relationship to

[00:11:06] salvage with Natalie. On the advice of the first attorney I hired, the deal was no test, no contact.

[00:11:13] Now we have a further update in a moment, which is a court update, but the crown and anchor says,

[00:11:19] That poor girl. She'd grow up either believing OP to be a deadbeat dad, or she'd grow up knowing the

[00:11:26] truth and knowing that her mom is trying to game the system and get money from a guy that is not

[00:11:30] the father of her child. Either way, she's going to have a lot of stuff to work out in therapy one day.

[00:11:36] Frankly, I can't believe OP does not have any legal recourse to force a paternity test.

[00:11:41] You'd think there'd be one judge who was so annoyed with the constant restraining orders

[00:11:45] that he would have ordered a paternity test to rid the court system of this

[00:11:48] bullshit. Dizzy Eyes replies saying, also that mom has a serious mental health struggle.

[00:11:54] She's kept this going for 15 years. A man in black says,

[00:11:59] She only has to win a concession once to get child support garnished and

[00:12:02] start getting his wages garnished. That's why she's doing it. She thinks she'd get a payout for

[00:12:07] back child support and other benefits of his military pay and pension, insurance, etc.

[00:12:13] OP replies saying, this angle is actually very likely. I'll bring this up with my lawyer. Also,

[00:12:19] good guess on the military pension. Summer Oracle says, I'm surprised you can't sue

[00:12:24] her for harassment or potentially defamation. Sounds like she's now putting your actual

[00:12:29] child at risk as well as escalating overall. Hopefully, she doesn't start resulting into

[00:12:34] more dangerous tactics, but you may want to look into further protections if possible.

[00:12:38] OP says, this bit of harassment with the CPS report and the new restraining order should,

[00:12:44] if we are lucky, be the kill shot we need. Another commenter says, all you had to do was call the

[00:12:50] police when she violated the restraining order. That would have nailed her flaps to the wall,

[00:12:54] full stop. You want peace? Don't get a useless restraining order. Have police enforce that shit.

[00:13:00] That lunatic is no match for the police. OP replies saying, she never violates the restraining

[00:13:06] orders. She harasses until one is issued. That's why we issue them, to get peace.

[00:13:11] The commenter replied saying, it works for the entire duration of the restraining order,

[00:13:16] not even a hint of contact. OP replies, the first two times she broke the restraining order and was

[00:13:21] punished accordingly. After that, she waited out until the restraining order expired.

[00:13:26] And there was a downvoted comment in the thread which said, I kind of feel like OP's troubles

[00:13:31] have been calmer for how he treated Natalie. Her behavior is totally unhinged for sure, but

[00:13:36] if he had broken up with her when he first felt like he didn't actually want to be with her,

[00:13:40] instead of stringing her along for half a year and then basically accusing her of cheating on him,

[00:13:45] the nauta wouldn't even exist. Essentially, this post is OP admitting that OP knows this child is his,

[00:13:53] but he's refusing to acknowledge her unless his ex admits to cheating, thereby justifying him leaving

[00:13:58] her while she was pregnant and trying to reduce his possible financial culpability.

[00:14:03] OP replies saying, the nature of my job back then meant I was on assignment for weeks at a time,

[00:14:08] sometimes as long as two months. The amount of time I was home for the half year was small and

[00:14:14] not all of it consecutive. Also in relationships, there's moments when you realize you aren't happy,

[00:14:19] you don't miss the other person, but it's still a bit of a fork you're working yourself through.

[00:14:24] Half-hearted conversation about where we see ourselves and seeing if there was anything

[00:14:29] left that I dropped, etc. I'd like to believe I wasn't codependent then, but lack of sleep and

[00:14:35] lack of stretches of contact made it to where longing for normalcy meant longing for even the bad.

[00:14:41] Familiarity is a fucking killer. That last trip was one where during it,

[00:14:46] I steeled myself that when I got home I was going to break up. Also, we're never going to be in a

[00:14:51] relationship afterwards. In the past 14 years, all the friends we had as mutuals have worked their

[00:14:57] way out of my contact list. I don't see her parents, she doesn't see mine. We have no social circles in

[00:15:03] common anymore. What does she have to lose to claiming me as the father and me taking the test?

[00:15:09] Public stigma? I wouldn't be talking to her friends. She can tell them whatever the fuck she wants.

[00:15:14] She could brag about how I caved. I wouldn't know. And I most likely wouldn't dispute it if I was the

[00:15:20] father. No, it sounds like you interpreted a very, very entertaining theory. So OP came in with what

[00:15:27] they titled the court update and said the preliminary hearing on the new restraining order went well.

[00:15:32] Emma and Natalie were there. And we discovered that Emma is currently living with a great

[00:15:37] grandmother and has a guardian ad litem, court appointed guardian on legal matters. My lawyer

[00:15:42] thinks this means whatever was found in Natalie's home situation warranted removing Emma and potentially

[00:15:48] severe enough that the great grandmother only has physical custody and the need to appoint a guardian

[00:15:53] ad litem. I hope I'm pronouncing that right by the way. During the hearing, we went through the whole

[00:15:59] song and dance, the past restraining orders, the whole deal. My lawyer turned to Emma's representative

[00:16:04] and said that we're willing to submit to a DNA test and put this to bed. Natalie looked like she was

[00:16:10] having a conniption at that and her own lawyer urged her to shush. Emma's representative accepted and

[00:16:16] we were cheek swabbed in the courthouse. A temporary order is now in place while the second hearing is

[00:16:22] scheduled in the upcoming weeks for the permanent two-year order. The order covers immediate family on

[00:16:29] both sides and as I've detailed in the past, Natalie is actually good with following court orders, oddly.

[00:16:35] We have about four weeks before we have the definitive test results back, but I'm not too worried either way.

[00:16:40] P.S. There were some people who thought the court couldn't use charity as a cudgel, was the father.

[00:16:46] Well, that's Jim. I haven't talked to Jim in 10 years, but Jim is gay and hated Natalie. He just

[00:16:53] also happened to be a give the shirt off his back kind of dude. And as long as I knew him, he volunteered

[00:16:59] at a food pantry. His protest came mostly from naivety, not self-interest. And we're going to be coming to

[00:17:06] that paternity update in a second. Two comments, so not a doormat says, I'm happy Emma is no longer

[00:17:11] with Natalie. It's sad her own mother is not capable of taking care of her, but whatever it takes to save

[00:17:17] that child. Happy Weekend says, the absolute shock I will have if it turns out she's your daughter.

[00:17:24] But even then, I completely understand why you've refused anything before a DNA sample was done and

[00:17:29] everything. No matter what happens, Leon Natalie? Best of luck, dude.

[00:17:33] Then a month later, the paternity test came in and said, we got the results in late last week,

[00:17:40] as did Emma's party. I'm not the father. Natalie had a major blow up when she heard the news from her

[00:17:46] grandmother, Sylvia. Emma's currently living at Sylvia's and is out of Natalie's custody.

[00:17:52] This blow up included a major tantrum on my front lawn, which also violated the temporary restraining order.

[00:17:59] Natalie has been arrested and Sylvia hasn't bailed her out. Sylvia has communicated to my lawyer that

[00:18:05] she wanted to give her apologies for bankroll in Natalie's life the past 15 years. I only met

[00:18:11] Sylvia a few times when I was dating Natalie, and I know Natalie grew up with her. And Sylvia had money,

[00:18:18] but was never really told the extent of that. Sylvia has communicated via my lawyer, which is technically

[00:18:24] allowed with a restraining order in place that both she and Emma want to send me an apology via a letter.

[00:18:30] I told my lawyer that they were free to write whatever letters they wanted, as long as this

[00:18:34] was the last communication we had with them. The permanent restraining order is certainly going

[00:18:39] to be granted now, with the emergency one violated. We still don't know what caused Emma to be removed

[00:18:45] from Natalie's care, or if Natalie has any underlying issues. If we do get the letters, I will post them.

[00:18:52] And the top two comments on that one says, I feel for Emma. I mean, look at her maternal influence.

[00:18:58] But I'm glad that you finally have answers and can hopefully keep Natalie away from you and your family

[00:19:02] permanently from now on. Full Negotiation says, hopefully this will end the harassment and

[00:19:08] even though you knew she wasn't your daughter. Now you have the proof. The Jim bit confused me in

[00:19:14] there. I was like, where did this Jim guy come from? But I'm guessing he was the one that was

[00:19:18] mentioned earlier in the story that was getting on that OP and saying that, you know, and saying that

[00:19:23] OP should house her. And OP turned around and said, well, if he believes that, then he can do it.

[00:19:28] And then he dropped it. I think that's where Jim came from. I'm just, I'm incredibly sad for the

[00:19:34] girl in this because 15 years, this has been going on. So God knows what she's been telling her every

[00:19:40] couple of years when this restraining order ends, trying to get her involved with OP and then to find

[00:19:46] out, no, he's not your dad in the end. But her, that must be heartbreaking at the same time. It just,

[00:19:54] it's incredibly sad. And, but I'm just glad for OP at the same time that now, hopefully this harassment

[00:20:00] can be put to bed, whether it will in the end. It did leave me thinking about, I wonder what the,

[00:20:06] the real bio father was like that she hasn't got involved with him at all. But anyway, now I'm going

[00:20:13] to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down

[00:20:20] in the comments below. And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in

[00:20:25] today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you

[00:20:30] so, so much. And hopefully I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.