Ex Abandoned Her Family To Become a Van Life Influencer But Now She Needs My Help r/Relaitonships

[00:00:02] Hey, what's all going on?

[00:00:03] I do hope your world, my name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories

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[00:00:14] Unless crack on with today's story.

[00:00:17] Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now today's first story comes from the MIVS or here's a Reddit from Background Rise 958

[00:00:23] And says, I've the asshole for taking in my ex's dogs but not my homeless ex.

[00:00:30] My wife left me and our kids a couple of years ago.

[00:00:33] She wanted a different life than what we had.

[00:00:36] She bought a converted van and tried to become a van-life influencer

[00:00:41] She got some followers but not as many as it takes to be able to live off of it I guess

[00:00:46] She's in the city right now and her van needs repairs

[00:00:49] When the middle of a heat wave and she needs a place to stay for a week or two

[00:00:53] This is only the second time in two years, she's bothered to see our kids

[00:00:57] I've done my best to make sure that they know even though their mum is gone

[00:01:02] It isn't because she doesn't love them

[00:01:04] I said she was working far away

[00:01:06] Even after the divorce, I made sure you could have all the visitations she wanted

[00:01:11] She doesn't want to stay with her parents because they are very critical of her choice to leave

[00:01:16] She doesn't want to set a hotel because it will be a dent in her budget

[00:01:21] I don't want to ruin my house because I don't want the kids to freak out when she leaves again

[00:01:26] It's best if they see her in a neutral location

[00:01:29] I volunteered to take her dogs but she could at least stay at a hostel

[00:01:33] She said I was an asshole, not letting her stay in the house she helped pay for

[00:01:37] I bought out her equity when we divorced

[00:01:40] It wasn't that much

[00:01:42] I parent said I should have let her stay

[00:01:44] Woman I'm seeing said that she would have understood if I let her stay

[00:01:48] I just know what it would do to my kids

[00:01:51] Edit please stop messaging me for information on my air

[00:01:54] We're not saying more than I have

[00:01:55] They want anyone messing with their livelihood

[00:01:58] I don't tell you what a handle is or what kind of dog she has

[00:02:01] Have a good life without her

[00:02:03] My kids are doing okay

[00:02:04] Thank you for all your concern

[00:02:07] Yeah, salute cheek

[00:02:08] Becure you and asshole after she's abandoned her children to become a van life influencer

[00:02:15] People who live this van life have contingency plans for

[00:02:19] You know their van doesn't need to go get repairs

[00:02:21] She didn't that's her problem in my opinion

[00:02:24] You're very kind enough to how was the dog so she had an alternative plan

[00:02:29] She also she's also got options of staying with her parents

[00:02:32] That's her problem as she made this choice in the first place in their parents are critical

[00:02:36] The choices that she made and rightly so they're critical

[00:02:39] abandoning your children to do this

[00:02:42] And your 100% right we protect in your children from that other same time for her to dip in

[00:02:49] Dip out again. Yes, it's going to affect them and you're right in doing so for protecting them from that

[00:02:55] What an absolute ass

[00:02:57] VT says not the asshole you'll be in the best parent you can

[00:03:01] She's abandoned her children and has no right imposed on them and you

[00:03:05] She's not there to see them she needs a cheap place to crash

[00:03:09] It might be traumatic for you and your kids to have a leave again and that's just isn't worth it

[00:03:14] for you or for them

[00:03:15] You bought her out and she's used to equity to pursue her new life

[00:03:20] Doesn't want to stay with her critical parents who bad enter a budget and where's the child support

[00:03:26] Ask your mother to speak to your ex in laws or your mother can offer to host her

[00:03:31] Credit upstairs quotes then says you son did up perfectly

[00:03:34] She's only in the same city because her van needs repairs

[00:03:38] It's not like she made a special trip just to see the kid it's only about convenience

[00:03:42] Not having to spend any money since she obviously doesn't give a shit about her kids if she hasn't bothered to see them for two

[00:03:48] Fucking years

[00:03:51] Neon cactus field says not the asshole. She essentially has abandoned her children

[00:03:56] Of course you don't want to complete upheave their lives by allowing this uncertainty of their mum

[00:04:01] Maybe coming back home

[00:04:03] Get no right to stay in your home. But she's trying to manipulate you with a guilt trip that she helped

[00:04:08] Safe read or convenient if you're getting you bought her out

[00:04:12] She doesn't sound apologetic or like she's grown too much as a person and you'll being prudent

[00:04:17] He'd draw firm boundaries with her

[00:04:19] M says not the asshole your wife may need a place to stay, but she doesn't need your place to stay

[00:04:25] Parents are available but she doesn't want to stay with them

[00:04:29] She can afford a hotel, but she doesn't want the babe wrote tell

[00:04:33] I don't know how old your kids are and that's probably relevant info

[00:04:37] But as it is, you don't seem to be withholding from your kids mother anything she actually needs

[00:04:42] Only what she wants and she's not entitled to get what she wants from the family she abandoned

[00:04:47] Nvia says not the asshole don't let us stay

[00:04:51] Didn't want to see her kids because she indeed doesn't love them

[00:04:55] Being in her around and acting like the loving parent and abandoning them once again will do more harm than help

[00:05:01] This woman is selfish and you should protect your kids by keeping her away even if it's their mother

[00:05:06] I don't know how old your kids are but when they're old enough you just explain and tell them the truth

[00:05:11] Because what she's doing is not selfish but selfish

[00:05:14] But over lifestyle abandoning the kids

[00:05:17] They should know instead of holding onto false hope that she's a loving mother when she is not

[00:05:23] So one year later

[00:05:25] OP comes in with an update and says my ex left me to pick up the pieces after she decided to try and be a van life influencer

[00:05:33] Was devastated but our kids were destroyed last year she barrel back into our lives because our van needed work and she needed a place to stay

[00:05:42] I did not want her in my house with my kids

[00:05:45] She refused to stay with her parents and because she had two dogs a hotel would have been expensive

[00:05:50] A parents my girlfriend at the time and several old friends said I should help her out

[00:05:55] Though I took on her dogs so she could stay at a hostel

[00:05:58] I worked out great because she met another no mad there

[00:06:02] After a van was fixed they departed together

[00:06:05] And Christ every day I don't let her back into my kids life so intrusively

[00:06:10] There was so much easier to explain that she was just gone again and to let them watch her leave

[00:06:15] One good thing she did was abandon her dogs

[00:06:18] I told her to come get them but she said the new boy from was allergic so I should keep them for her

[00:06:24] I almost took the dogs to a shelter

[00:06:26] Instead I took them to a vet and registered them in my city

[00:06:30] Now they are my dogs but to be honest they are my kids in my girlfriend's dogs

[00:06:35] Dogs love them and tolerate me

[00:06:38] Exintown again great mum hasn't bothered to you no kids since last summer

[00:06:42] But she wants her dogs back

[00:06:44] I said no, I said she left them behind like trash like she's leaving everything

[00:06:49] Do they are mine now?

[00:06:51] She made noises about suing me. I told her to go ahead

[00:06:54] I would love to take this public

[00:06:56] I'm sure a followers would love to know where a dogs were

[00:06:59] For a year and why

[00:07:01] She saw the kids friend afternoon and he tried to get them to yell at me

[00:07:05] He gave her back the dogs

[00:07:06] I kids are a little old and now and see through her bullshit better

[00:07:09] They said no

[00:07:11] She's going a little crazy now and the breeder she got the dogs from won't sell her more since

[00:07:15] She abandoned the last two

[00:07:17] She says that I'm trying to derail her career and I'm a jealous asshole

[00:07:22] I never tried to love my dreams like she is

[00:07:24] I told her that my dreams have never changed

[00:07:26] Raise my kids with a woman who loved me in our children

[00:07:29] Have a life together and see it through

[00:07:32] I said my dreams are coming together now

[00:07:34] That she is taking herself out

[00:07:36] She did pay a lot for the dogs but she abandoned them in my opinion

[00:07:41] I

[00:07:41] Yeah, I saw her

[00:07:43] Yuck

[00:07:44] One at absolute disgusting person

[00:07:46] I'm glad you took those dogs in and you never give those back

[00:07:50] It sounded like they were the stable family right now

[00:07:53] One that how those kids fell but after noon when she visited them

[00:07:59] She's trying to fight for these dogs yet abandon her children time and time again

[00:08:03] Just absolutely abandoning everything around her

[00:08:08] I have to ask the question at this point

[00:08:10] What point can you actually cut her off because

[00:08:14] You know dipping in and out your children's lives like this just feels like it's going to do more damage

[00:08:20] She sounds like an absolute awful person

[00:08:23] But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this

[00:08:28] situation?

[00:08:29] Let's know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:08:32] Let's move on to another story

[00:08:36] Now, our next story comes from the M.I.Thears or subreddit from extreme bus 7141

[00:08:42] It says I'm either asshole for telling my mom

[00:08:44] I did not want her there when I got home from deployment

[00:08:48] I 21 male have been deployed for the past 10 months and we'll be getting home in one week

[00:08:53] I've been nice plan was for her to be the only one to know what data was coming back

[00:08:58] That when I get leave we can go back and surprise all of our family and friends

[00:09:02] My wife 21 female visited home a couple of weeks ago for a family event

[00:09:07] And while she was there, she spent a day with my mom and two younger sisters

[00:09:12] High school age my mother is very pushy and hates surprises so much so that me

[00:09:18] Surprising her by coming home wouldn't make her mad at me

[00:09:22] I wife and I knew we'd eventually have to tell her because of this but we're waiting until last minute because

[00:09:28] You would have told my sisters is she knew my date well on my wife was there my mom pushed and pushed

[00:09:34] Elinger as she would not speak to her let the girls go places and she had to know

[00:09:40] She could take days off work my wife gave her a week range of my leave a couple weeks after I get back

[00:09:47] But she could request off well my mom takes me today telling me that should be there for the

[00:09:52] Welcome home without playing lands. I asked if she cleared this with my wife

[00:09:56] Thing is she apparently planned to stay with us in our one bedroom apartment and she said no

[00:10:02] I asked if the girls knew and were coming and she said no

[00:10:06] My mom has done a few things that presses between my wife and I so I lost it on her

[00:10:12] Holder I wouldn't be given to the date that I fly in if I wanted her there

[00:10:16] I want my sisters there as well. I stopped there until she started complaining that she was a single mum who raised me on our own

[00:10:24] And that I should want to see her first

[00:10:26] That's when I told her I didn't want to in my house at all and I first get home

[00:10:30] I am a married grown man now. I don't need my mom

[00:10:35] I want to see and spend time with my wife first and foremost

[00:10:38] She pressed further saying I've been here for you since before you were born

[00:10:43] She's been here for four years

[00:10:45] Eventually trash talking my wife then she doesn't even have a real job and doesn't contribute

[00:10:50] My wife is a nanny world she's in a school and she gets paid well

[00:10:55] I don't she absolutely does contribute more than enough

[00:10:58] This is where I may be the asshole. I taught my mum that I was tired of her badgering that

[00:11:03] I wanted to come home to my wife and be alone in our home with our pets

[00:11:07] My wife and I would not want to host her and we wanted the house to ourselves that we can have sex whenever

[00:11:13] And wherever we please because we haven't seen each other in so long

[00:11:17] My mom cried she said there may be long paragraphs text every few hours about how she doesn't know

[00:11:23] Where her caring son went about how I need to let my wife go because I use her for a body that how all I care about is my own pleasure

[00:11:31] Now no care for my family at all

[00:11:33] So read it my the asshole

[00:11:35] I responded to the messages my mother is sending but I get ideas from the possible comments

[00:11:40] I might

[00:11:56] And the cat are also

[00:11:57] Oh, the cat or the kinder of friends or family

[00:12:00] Yeah, me is a bit too günstiger with the magenta mobile and geworden and that's who gives yet

[00:12:05] Just so 600 or a cash pack no by the telecom

[00:12:12] You know we see a lot of these stories where but manipulative mother and laws controlling their sons and you're going about this in the right way

[00:12:21] It might even be time to increase it a little bit more

[00:12:25] She knows she was the end there. You're saying she's sending you long paragraph text about she didn't know where

[00:12:30] A caring son went and needed that your wife go

[00:12:33] No, it's this it's time to take this up to the next levels almost like low contact kind of stuff until she gets their shit together

[00:12:41] Possibly even no contact at this point. I mean she's trash talking your wife tell you to let her go

[00:12:47] Thank you doesn't contribute out there backwards behavior

[00:12:51] A comment has says to OP good job finally standing up to her

[00:12:56] God given her info and stopped talking to her

[00:12:58] Mom until you learn to act like an adult and stop trash talking my wife to me or not be communicating with you

[00:13:05] I'm very disappointed in you and I'm incredibly selfish and immature you are adding

[00:13:10] Don't make your wife deal with this jerk

[00:13:13] OP says I haven't given her info

[00:13:15] She told me she's coming from my plane to land and she didn't even know when that date was

[00:13:20] William Fochie got was from my wife and was quite literally worded as it will likely have

[00:13:26] Leave within these few weeks those weeks could change

[00:13:29] Someone says could she find you at the airport? OP says she won't be able to even if she wanted to

[00:13:36] Runway will land on is on base

[00:13:38] The different comment her OP says she literally cannot get onto the base without me or my wife with her

[00:13:43] On my permission for a visitor's past I won't be giving that permission

[00:13:47] So she can try everything she wants she's not getting in

[00:13:51] Comment to say as you need to tell your CEO and exo about your mom

[00:13:55] Do not put it past as dry contact in your unit to get more information on where you are

[00:13:59] When you are and how you are coming home as embarrassing as it is

[00:14:04] I'm gonna protect yourself here and probably go low to no contact with your mom for a while

[00:14:08] Who says

[00:14:09] Get to this in basic training call the base I was at so many times that they had to pull me from intake to

[00:14:15] Contella to leave people alone after that and new she didn't need information just doesn't even fully know by MOS

[00:14:24] Commenter is part of a longer comment

[00:14:26] There's she's an example of a manipulative parent

[00:14:29] Is a paragraph from an article about manipulative parents in their science

[00:14:34] Parents using emotional blackmail will often threaten to be draw their love or approval because the child does not comply with their wishes

[00:14:41] This can manifest as guilt-drifting the child making them feel responsible for the parents happiness or expressing

[00:14:47] Extreme disappointment and the child does not meet their expectations

[00:14:51] Ope says that paragraph fits what she's been doing to a tea what confuses me is none of my

[00:14:57] Mums behavior like they started until we got married before when she was just my girlfriend

[00:15:02] She always wanted her around don't about trading me in my wife invited at everywhere my family went

[00:15:08] Now it bothers her when we spend time together and she isn't invited when she thinks she should or can be

[00:15:15] I'm in disaster Ope she's jealous of your wife you want to be close to you platonically of course

[00:15:20] I've heard cases like this. You obviously cannot grasp the idea of you becoming an adult me to tell her

[00:15:26] No, not a little boy anymore

[00:15:28] Ope says I have it didn't work much I just started going to low contact

[00:15:33] Mostly keeping it about my sisters

[00:15:35] If we will visit of course this because I wasn't willing to just let her think she could step in on me and my wife

[00:15:41] Especially without consulting me first

[00:15:43] Considering she's the only one home they can care of our place right now

[00:15:48] The commander says sounds like a tough situation man

[00:15:51] At something similar with my in laws once there's not easy to navigate family dynamics sometimes

[00:15:56] You think she'd respond better if your wife talked were instead

[00:16:00] Ope says no, I think she would go after him more honestly

[00:16:03] After her telling my wife we shouldn't speak to her all let my sister spend time with us if my wife didn't tell her when I'd visit home

[00:16:11] I think having my wife tell her isn't welcome would just go the same if not worse

[00:16:16] But only that but my wife is a people pleaser

[00:16:19] She's extremely sweet and would do anything to a comrade anyone even if it isn't what she wants

[00:16:24] He'd get him better about having a stronger spine. She calls it, but I don't want to put her in a position

[00:16:29] That would make her uncomfortable

[00:16:31] My mum went to my wife herself. I don't want my wife to stand up for herself

[00:16:35] I don't want her asker to do that for me

[00:16:38] Comin' a says on my god, you need to either go no contact or very low contact with your mum

[00:16:42] Wow, that's just wow

[00:16:44] Being there my mum was the last thing I thought about when I got back from the poignant

[00:16:49] I mean God forbid you get stationed overseas

[00:16:51] What should you do then fucking move in?

[00:16:54] You need to nip that in the bud now

[00:16:56] Who says I already don't contact them much outside of all my sisters and neither does my wife

[00:17:01] A plan when my contact ends is to move to a base even farther from home

[00:17:05] Where would have the fly for visits?

[00:17:08] That would take our amount of visits down a lot because we travel with our pets

[00:17:12] But they're both large dogs and we don't want to put them in the replaimed

[00:17:15] And playing tickets on top of pet boarding is expensive

[00:17:18] The people would want to see us, they would have to come to us

[00:17:21] Oh, I might mum refuses to get them up plain

[00:17:23] One final comment is says to O.P.

[00:17:26] Not the asshole your mum is way too involved in your life

[00:17:29] As she always had such an unhealthy attachment to you

[00:17:32] O.P says after reading the comments and thinking back on how things have been when I was a kid to now

[00:17:37] It seems that when our dad passed away, I became a stand-in

[00:17:42] Keep practically expecting me to be a father figure to my sisters

[00:17:45] Starting at eight

[00:17:47] Even now, I have my mum's cause blocked because when my sisters are in trouble

[00:17:51] She calls me and tells me to talk to them instead of dealing with it as self

[00:17:57] Ooh, deary me

[00:17:59] To them O.P. came in with her up there and said a few people asked to stay updated

[00:18:03] So here is the first one

[00:18:05] Spoiler alert is not necessarily a fun one

[00:18:08] Unfortunately because of another wife sharing our flight date all over Facebook

[00:18:12] Our return had been pushed back an entire month

[00:18:15] I called my wife to let her know when we're both devastated

[00:18:19] Only had enough time for one phone call so they asked my wife to let family and friends know

[00:18:25] Include my mother

[00:18:26] Yes, I know many people might not be happy about that but again

[00:18:29] She didn't receive a date a wife's text to her

[00:18:32] Which just there that would not be returning until a month later on more

[00:18:36] My mother's reactions at news is truly solidified what many comments were telling me

[00:18:41] Was raised by a narcissist

[00:18:43] The text backed my wife. Oh, that's great. That's actually much better timing for me

[00:18:48] I wife's response to my mother was you're not say that to my name is devastated that would be gone longer

[00:18:55] And he has been talking about wanting to be home a SAP since just a few months in

[00:19:00] I wish you wouldn't have even said it to me and I'm devastated by his return being delayed as well

[00:19:05] Does it extremely selfish for you to be glad he is away from home that even longer simply because it works better for you

[00:19:11] I've never in my life heard of a mother being glad that a child will be overseas

[00:19:15] Long of them what was planned

[00:19:16] After that she blocked my mom a shiny spine is really developing

[00:19:22] I've not reached out to my mother and I will not be doing so

[00:19:26] I won't block her as with my sisters being minors

[00:19:29] I would like for one of us by wife or I of at least some line of communication in case of some family emergency

[00:19:35] However, or not be texting or calling and any of her texts or calls will not be answered unless I consider them an emergency

[00:19:42] There are a few other questions and deeper explanations from my original post so I figured I'll go into them deeper here

[00:19:48] My father passed away when I was six ever since then my mom sort of relied on me when it came to raising my sisters

[00:19:55] Even with them being high school-aged it continued when I went into the military

[00:20:00] My mom got upset saying things at home would be just terrible with me gone

[00:20:04] Actually didn't know how she would handle my sisters on her own and that life would seem more pointless without her son in every single day

[00:20:12] And my wife and I got married and moved to my first duty station

[00:20:16] She begged to trade my sisters off

[00:20:18] Tending one of them to stay with us every few weeks, but they would stay in our living room

[00:20:23] It even told us with need to purchase a higher-debed couch for it to work out

[00:20:28] Obviously, as never happened as I told her my sisters were my sisters and her kids

[00:20:33] It was not my responsibility to raise them

[00:20:36] My mom and I were very close when I was growing up

[00:20:39] I considered one of my best friends and someone I could always go to

[00:20:42] That changed when I got married. I also realized that some of the things she did were not healthy or good parenting moments

[00:20:50] My mom started purchasing condoms for me when I was only 12

[00:20:53] He was very open about sex with me and was not one to shy away from it

[00:20:58] She completely fine with me having sex at such a young age

[00:21:01] Which did lead me to being a bit of a man-haw

[00:21:04] For my wife, the constantly snuck in girls, it's not like I'd hang out with girls and whatever else

[00:21:10] My wife was the first girl that I brought to my house during the day

[00:21:14] Introduced to my family invited her for dinner

[00:21:16] My wife was also very strict with her views on sex when we started dating who were friends before

[00:21:22] She knew I was a bit of a player

[00:21:24] Her views sex are something fun. She viewed it as something that should only be between two people who truly love each other

[00:21:31] It was not down for her to into a few months into his dating and I was willing to wait for her

[00:21:38] But when she snuck me in we quite literally played Mario Kart watch movies and hung out all night

[00:21:43] When this part of me changed it changed something about my mum for some reason

[00:21:48] She did used to ask about the girls I was sleeping with when I was in high school

[00:21:51] But when she asked about my wife when we started dating

[00:21:54] And I told her we weren't doing anything like that

[00:21:57] She got frustrated about me lying

[00:21:59] She stopped buying me condoms which I was fine with because I didn't need them in the beginning

[00:22:04] And when I did, I was 18 and completely fine with buying them myself

[00:22:08] Before my wife and I ever did have sex

[00:22:11] We come into my room and scream about how she didn't want me having sex under her roof

[00:22:16] It felt like she just realized that encouraging a minor to have sex wasn't okay

[00:22:20] And mum also liked my wife when she was just my girlfriend

[00:22:24] It's always confused me until I read people's comments

[00:22:27] Ergoing from loving her inviting her to everything

[00:22:30] Asking where she was when she wasn't with me the trash talking girl

[00:22:34] It makes sense to me until people in the comments of my last post clarified that it was in fact that

[00:22:39] She was my wife

[00:22:40] Oh being permanent is what my mother doesn't like

[00:22:43] And as far as caught blocking my mum, that's happily done that since we've been married

[00:22:49] She screeched in hit her face when I kissed my wife at our wedding

[00:22:54] She begged us to sleep on a pallet

[00:22:58] Palette in a living room on our wedding night we didn't

[00:23:03] He tried calling three times a day when we first moved once around the time I usually got off work

[00:23:08] Once either during or after dinner and once at night sometimes while my wife would mid-tango

[00:23:14] Sometimes when we were already asleep

[00:23:16] It was very rare that I actually answered these calls and when she realized that calls were muted they faded away

[00:23:22] She faced time seemingly once an hour on our first wedding anniversary

[00:23:26] Again, I didn't answer

[00:23:28] Her wanting us to host her when I first got back was not her being clueless

[00:23:33] She knew what she was trying to do

[00:23:35] Now that I have a new return date my mother will not even know

[00:23:39] The possible weeks are my leaf

[00:23:40] She won't need to

[00:23:41] Do not plan on seeing her outside of maybe going out to eat with her

[00:23:45] My wife and the rest of their family

[00:23:47] My wife will be organising it

[00:23:49] I will be able to ask my sisters about days my mother is off work

[00:23:52] That's all I have as far as an update right now

[00:23:55] I may post more before returning just based on how things go

[00:23:59] I can imagine what I've plenty of an update when I do actually return

[00:24:03] Oh no doubt mate

[00:24:06] I'm certain that mum isn't going to leave it just that she sounds a bit obsessive in some ways

[00:24:12] But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys

[00:24:15] What do you guys make of this situation

[00:24:18] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:24:21] They're just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting them involved into these stories

[00:24:25] You'll love your support your time always means you absolutely were all to me

[00:24:28] So thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. I'm much love

[00:24:56] See the sun signing for no windows