Ditched My Girlfriend At A Restaurant Which May Have Caused Her to Lose Her Job r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from AwkwardReaction571 from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit and it says Am I the Arsehole for ditching my girlfriend at a restaurant which contributed to her failing a probationary period at work.

[00:00:31] I, 27 male, have been in a relationship with my girlfriend Cindy, 26 female, since university. Last September Cindy's company went under. She took this hard because she loved her workplace, loved her colleagues and loved her boss. Unfortunately, they just weren't making that much money so the plug was pulled.

[00:00:51] When Cindy came home and delivered the news to me, I asked if she wanted me to introduce her to my boss. Having the same major, we work in the same field and my company is almost always hiring. Cindy said yes and I text my boss on the spot. After delivering her CV to him in a short interview process, she was hired in a three month probationary position. I was really excited to be working with Cindy.

[00:01:15] We could save money on gas by carpooling, spend more time together and have lunch together too. Unfortunately, things did not pan out. To be frank, Cindy was a horrible employee. She showed up to the office 15 to 20 minutes late virtually every day. I had to give up on carpooling with her because I have a morning meeting and I need to get to work 15 minutes early every day. Cindy's favorite activity at work was opening up a blank Google Doc and looking at her phone under the desk.

[00:01:44] The hour we get for lunch was often an hour and a half for Cindy and she really accomplished nothing in her time there. This continued for three months. Last Monday was a rare occasion where Cindy was actually ready on time to go to work together. Perhaps this was because of my gentle urging for her to get her shit together or perhaps it was because her probationary period was ending soon. But we were able to carpool.

[00:02:08] We went out to lunch together and Cindy ate way too slowly. I was looking at the clock and encouraging her to get a move on. But at the end of the meal, right when we had to leave to make it back on time, Cindy decided she wanted another refill of her soda. I told her her time was up, but she was adamant that she absolutely needed another refill. To make matters worse, the restaurant was crowded and we couldn't flag down a server.

[00:02:32] I put the cash for the meal and a tip on the table and I told Cindy that I was leaving, with or without her. Cindy played chicken with me here, thinking that if she refused to move, I'd have no choice but to wait. But I walked to my car and drove back. Cindy showed up 20 minutes later visually flustered. The restaurant was a 10 minute walk away, so I'm pretty sure she did end up getting her refill. She's been furious with me since. Last Friday, Cindy got her final judgment for a probationary period.

[00:03:02] Due to poor punctuality and general lack of direction, my company decided not to hire her for a full-time position. Cindy blames me. She says I made her late and that I ruined everything. Last night she asked how she was supposed to pay her part of the rent without a job and I responded, Yes, that's a good question. How will you be paying? This threw oil on the proverbial fire. Now she doesn't even want to fight about it anymore. Was I the arsehole for what I did here?

[00:03:31] Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation. It's a simple case of actions have consequences. She's facing those now. And I'm not saying you shouldn't put in effort all the time at your work. If you're going to put in 110%, your probationary period is the time to do so. But a commenter says this is going to sound crazy, but she may have been intentionally dense about getting back from lunch on time. Knowing that OP would leave without her. He's already set the precedent that he won't be late to work for her with the morning carports.

[00:04:00] And then using that to blame him for failing instead of herself. With how she acted at work, she might still be self-aware enough to realize she wasn't going to be kept on. So this could have been a plan to guilt OP into not pushing her too hard about the rent. It sounds like they live together. I know that seems a bit nuts. I've just known some really manipulative people that I could see doing exactly that scenario. OP quotes that comment and says,

[00:04:33] Commodore says, Not the arsehole. Your girlfriend failed her probation all by herself through consistent unprofessional behavior. You even got her the job in the first place. One 20-minute tardiness incident didn't tank her employment. The daily 15-20 minute lateness, extended lunches, and phone browsing for three months did. She's looking for someone to blame because it's easier than taking responsibility. You leaving her at the restaurant was just the natural consequence of her poor time management.

[00:05:03] She gambled that you'd enable her behavior and lost. The fact that she's now trying to guilt you about the rent is manipulative. She had three months to prove herself and consistently chose not to. Her employment status is 100% on her. Time for her to learn some accountability and stop blaming others for her failures. Another commenter says, Guess you found out why that company went under. Not the arsehole. OP says, Honestly, yeah, I kind of understand now why she loved her old company so much.

[00:05:32] I probably should have seen the signs earlier too. Despite both of us starting work at 9 and her old company being farther away than mine, I cannot recall a single day that she left after me. Even one time when I was running very late due to stomach issues, I distinctly recall leaving at 9.05 with Cindy still doing her makeup. So sometime later, OP came in with her update and said, Last week, I, 27 male, talked about how my girlfriend, Cindy, 26 female, blew her probationary period for a job. I got her completely.

[00:06:02] She was chronically late, unproductive, and she took 90-minute marathon lunch breaks. She claims that I sabotaged her because instead of being late when getting back to work, I left her at a restaurant when she wanted another refill of her soda. Anyway, Cindy decided that she was going to take some time off of work for her mental health, knowing that she had absolutely no savings. I asked how she was going to contribute to rent, groceries, and utilities, but Cindy said that wasn't my concern.

[00:06:31] I decided to be upfront and flat out tell her not to expect me to financially support her. She responded by calling me a low provider, whatever that means. It's also not right because I'm more of a no provider. I'm not into arrangements where I financially support a woman for companionship. At this point, I knew that our relationship was basically over, but I decided that I'd stay in the apartment we rent for the next two months, as we have paid our rent in full until the end of May, and then leave.

[00:07:00] Then Cindy began taking steps to actively sabotage me at work. For example, last Friday when I was getting ready for work, I couldn't find my shoes. After letting me look for them for 15 minutes, Cindy finally said that she washed them. I'm fairly sure Cindy has never washed anything other than a plate or her own laundry, but on Friday morning she abruptly decided to wash my shoes. Right. They were soaking wet.

[00:07:26] I had to wear an old pair of Crocs that were two sizes too small to the office that day. On my way home, I bought new shoes and kept them in my car. Then Cindy began spamming me with texts during a meeting on Saturday, one I had told her I was having, saying there was a guy banging on our door. She insisted I need to come home right away. I checked our ring camera and saw nothing. When I texted her back saying so, she said it must have been the neighbor or something.

[00:07:53] It's worth mentioning here that I can see the neighbor's door on the camera too, and nobody was banging on it either. I got the picture of what's going on, and realizing the next escalation would be having my tires slashed or brakes cut. After work that day, I went back to our apartment, grabbed my belongings and left. Cindy naturally went off the rails, but I got out safely. Now, I'm at my buddy's house for a few days until I can find a new living situation. Thank you for all the advice you gave me.

[00:08:20] I'm sure this can act as a cautionary tale in various ways. Unfortunately, I'm kind of out of it after all this drama, so I'll leave that part up to you. Commenter says thank you for the update and good luck during this transition. If you haven't said anything to your boss, you might want to update him and her just in case she continues to try and sabotage your work. Another commenter adds and says, and the landlord, OP doesn't want to be on the hook for any damages Cindy does over the next couple of months.

[00:08:48] Someone says OP needs to let the building manager know he moved out because of domestic abuse. Many places now have it where you can break a lease without penalty if leaving an abusive relationship. They also need to let them know that they've left just in case the exter decides to destroy the place and leave him on the hook for everything. Another commenter says jumping onto this to say that in my state, anyone with an active restraining order can, by law, break any lease at any time, with no notice and no penalties. Regardless of what's written in the lease,

[00:09:17] I'm not sure that OP will be able to get a restraining order just yet. As terrible as that sounds, because it definitely sounds like he could use one. But it's something to keep in mind, should things escalate further. Another commenter says turns out she put more effort into sabotaging OP than she ever did into that job. And the last commenter said, Some HR departments have safety plans for domestic abuse. Consider using it if it's available.

[00:09:53] What do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story, it comes from FrostyEngine358. And it says, Am I overreacting from being upset that my, 30 female, mother-in-law, 65 female, and my husband, 33 male, made a huge decision without me? A clarification.

[00:10:22] I'm beyond angry with both of them. I know they both had good intentions, but my thought process is currently, How fucking dare you? And I need to know if I'm being unreasonable or if I'm justified before I approach a conversation about it. For context, my husband is very nonsensical. Very hardworking provider type man. He's stubborn and will not do anything he doesn't want to. So, it's not like he was trying to please his mom. His mom is very blunt and in your face honest.

[00:10:51] Neither of them are manipulative or conniving in any way. And they're very good people. I have an amazing relationship with both of his parents. This is so hard of character for them. I know they have good intentions. They just did this all kind of backwards. As for myself, I'm anxious and easily stressed. I've lived a hard life and have had a lot of choices taken from me in childhood. And now need to be included in decisions. And I need to feel like it's equal in order for me to be okay.

[00:11:21] With that being said, I'm also very honest and blunt and in your face. I'm not submissive by any means and do not shy away from confrontation. I'm currently not in a stable work environment. Job loss seems to be just around the corner. If you stay up to date with news, then you'll know what I mean. But I have to be careful of what I say in regard to it. With that being said, our lease on our rental is coming up soon. And we were wanting to buy a house. But it just seems to not be the time.

[00:11:49] We were looking at other rentals. Well, his parents bought a rental house and asked if we wanted to rent it. His mom messaged me about it first. And I said, I didn't think it was a good idea. Later that day, I'm assuming but have no confirmation on timeline of this. She called my husband. And they both agreed that we would. He messaged me prior to agreeing with her. And I again expressed that I didn't think it would be a good idea. Due to the current circumstances. I didn't outright say no. I did leave it up for debate.

[00:12:18] But I said I didn't think it was good. Well, after they both asked me. They both went around me and agreed we would. My husband didn't tell me this happened until a couple of days later. And dropped it casually to me. And said, I know you said no. But that was silly. I'm fuming. Raging and shaking. I want to revert back to lashing out. But know that I cannot. It has been two weeks. And I have yet to get to the point where I can communicate healthily. But it needs to be addressed.

[00:12:47] So I'm going to try my very best tonight. Am I overreacting? I feel like I was told. You silly girl. Let the adults make the decision. Just sit down and be a submissive wife. Obviously, that's not what was said. Nor what he meant. And I know they had good intentions. But I'm so angry. I'm finding it hard to focus on that. Am I overreacting for thinking it's absolutely insane to bypass me? Leave me out of the conversation. And take my choice away entirely.

[00:13:16] In addition, how can I approach this in a way in which I won't destroy my relationship? Because at this point, I'm feeling vindictive and petty. And I don't want to hurt his feelings. But also not entirely sure if I can bite my tongue. Once I let the damn loose. Now this one's pretty simple for me. And that is a joint decision. It needs to be made jointly. And it's just as simple as that. And I can totally understand why you would be pissed off. If someone said to me, I know you said no. But that was silly. I'd feel the same as you. But OP responded to a few comments on this.

[00:13:45] Someone said, sounds like a conversation must be had. You're a partnership. And with that, decisions should be agreed upon. Or at the very least, discussed. Is renting your mother-in-law's place cheaper? OP said, it's more expensive. Which was a lot of my concern. The same commenter reply saying, with potentially losing your job, I wouldn't be happy with this decision to rent something more expensive. I think ultimately you should speak with him and really see where his head was at.

[00:14:11] But also, he needs to understand that you need to be included in life decisions. OP says, that is the biggest thing for me. I may lose my job soon. And taking an increase in rent, regardless of whether his parents or not, is not a good decision. I've been independent since I was 15. It cannot be expected by anyone that if I lose my job, they'll help float us. I've already been looking to get out prior to losing my job. But the job market isn't great. And I make good money. So most jobs in my area will be a huge pay cut.

[00:14:42] It's better than nothing. But would come with lifestyle changes for sure. I know they both had good intentions of, it's better to be renting from them rather than a major corporation since they are family. But also, I need to be privy to that conversation. I didn't outright say no. I said it wasn't a good idea and left it up for discussion. But they decided to have the discussion and make the decision without me. Feeling very much like a child.

[00:15:07] OP responded to a deleted user and said, it's not renting from them that's the major life decision. The issue lies with the fact that it's a move. And rent would be more expensive with them. I'm in a marriage that requires equal financial decision making when equal money is put in. Moonlight Vixen says, not overreacting. Especially as it's more expensive. Renting from family is a bad idea to begin with. Would also be very upset if they went behind my back with this decision.

[00:15:35] I could maybe handle it. A big maybe. If the rent would be cheaper. I do think it warrants a discussion between you and hubby. But maybe walk away if things get too heated. I don't know why your hubby thought increasing your housing costs would be a good idea with your job worries and the economy in general right now. OP says, yeah, it definitely isn't ideal. I have seen how good landlords they are for their other rental properties. I'm saddened that with my potential job loss we can't buy a house but timing is everything.

[00:16:04] And it'll happen when it's supposed to. I'm not keen on mixing family and housing but honestly, my concern isn't even that. It's the finances. I definitely agree a discussion with him needs to be had but my shyness to that is not knowing if I can keep it together enough for it to be healthy communication. Luckily, I do know when to walk away but I'm definitely going to have to bank on that. Heading to my parents later to shoot my gun and hopefully burn off some anger beforehand. Wish me luck.

[00:16:33] Twilight says to the OP, a home should always be agreed upon. You can still tell him you don't want to and ask him to look at other options with you as where it may seem silly to him, it's not to you. You might not realize your standpoint. Just be an adult and sit down and be like, hey, I get you think it's a good idea but I do not and lay out why you think that. I do feel like you taking this and feeling vindictive and petty is a little wild but each to their own. I feel like your intro already says that he doesn't treat you like you should be submissive

[00:17:03] and knows your personality unless there is something else. OP says he does not. He's an amazing partner outside of this and I know for a fact he made this decision to take the stress off but it inadvertently added more and made things harder for me. I have an amazing marriage. This is the first major issue and we have been together for many years. He knows me very well which is why I know he was trying to help. I have a tendency to take things too far sometimes. The pettiness is ridiculous at times.

[00:17:32] He's never been on the receiving end of it and I'm trying to avoid him ever being on the receiving end. When I get hurt my initial thought is to lash back. I'm self-aware enough to know this and that's why I wanted second opinions on whether I was justified and what was too much. Thank you for your input. So OP came in with her update and said, okay so thank you all for the words of advance and validation. I sat with my anger and hurt and I had a therapy appointment that helped me immensely.

[00:17:59] I was able to get to a point of understanding and started problem solving. I was very distant and reserved the last two days trying my best to separate the hurt from anger. Find the root of what triggered that within me. I was able to which allowed me to get to the point where I can problem solve. I came up with a solution for all of my hesitancies and then I told him I would like to talk. I shared how it made me feel, being excluded. I told him why I reacted the way I did and I had to distance for a couple of days while

[00:18:28] I figured my stuff out. I told him I never wanted to get to the point where I let my trauma hurt him. Was very apologetic, explained that I never said no. Just that I didn't think it was a good idea and that I would have appreciated if he had come to me with his thoughts so we could figure it out together. He apologized again and expressed that he sees how it was wrong of him. He explained that in the moment he didn't see it as excluding me but that he was trying to help.

[00:18:53] I validated that and let him know that I appreciated him trying to help and I am thankful for that but that I need to be included in these decisions. I talked to mother-in-law and apparently she threw the idea to him to get his thoughts just like me and she wasn't aware a decision had been made. She thought we were talking about it and we would look at the house and let her know. He must have told me yes we're moving and told her he would figure it out and let her know. She said she would help me with getting the kids to school 30 minutes away for the last

[00:19:23] month of school so they don't have to switch school so close to the end of the year. Which was a major concern for me. I feel reassured there and very happy to know my assumptions of her not doing things to go around me were correct. I raised concerns of my potential job loss to which he says you can work part time for a while to do your schooling and focus on getting the kids to and from and it'll be fine. When you're ready we can talk about you going back to work but I see this is God giving

[00:19:50] us the opportunity to let you follow your dreams and I want that for you. I want you to be free enough to do your schooling. My goal isn't for you to contribute equally. I will take care of us. You do what you want to not what you think I want you to. We'll be fine if that happens. I cried lol. Overall everything is okay and the world is not ending and I was able to self-soothe and regulate by myself which may not seem like much for a lot of people but when I started

[00:20:17] my healing journey I was told that I had no emotional intelligence or capacity to regulate. I've come so far and began to express myself in a healthy way was amazing. He commended that, said he sees how hard I'm working to heal my past and that he is happy for me. My husband is my biggest supporter always. He's an amazing partner to me and I appreciate those of you who called me out on the pettiness. I feel validated by my person, by you all and I feel better after talking.

[00:20:46] Looks like it's time to start packing. Have a great day everyone. Thank you for everything. And on that post there was a lot of people saying you know communication wins the day all that good stuff and it seems to be working out. OP's working on therapy etc etc. Other side of things people saying that they don't think this was a happy ending. That basically OP's been gaslit into buying into their idea.

[00:21:11] That OP's still not been seen as an equal in this and in general maybe everything isn't as good as it seems. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from ParticularFarm9295 from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit. It says, Am I the Arsehole for not supporting my partner's desire to be a stay-at-home mum when I supported my ex's desire to be a stay-at-home mum?

[00:21:41] I, 44 male, have been dating a woman, 35 female, for two years. I have three kids, 18 male, 16 female and 14 male from a previous relationship. My girlfriend has none. We've discussed moving in together and starting to have kids, both of which I fully support. But she is now indicating that she would want to be a stay-at-home mum. She mentioned it for the first time last week and I guess I made some facial reaction.

[00:22:09] She asked me what was wrong and I downplayed it. Last night was our weekly date night. I was just completely honest with her about my feelings on it. I generally do not like either parent being stay-at-home. I think parents who are stay-at-home are high risk to lose themselves and their kids. I think it is generally better for kids to spend time around other kids who are not family. It creates a social and financial dependence of the stay-at-home parent on the other parent and it can create guilt for the working parent if they express they are unhappy.

[00:22:41] She brought up the fact that my ex was a stay-at-home mum for 8 years. I told her I was young and stupid and I would never agree to such an arrangement now. Plus financially, my ex being stay-at-home made sense because she did not make enough to justify the considerable cost of childcare. That is not the case with my girlfriend who is an engineer with a PhD. She brought up that we could easily afford to live our life on my income alone. Which is true, but I still oppose it for reasons I outlined.

[00:23:10] Well, as you can probably guess, she is pretty pissed off that I am completely opposed to the idea and that date ended on less than good terms. So I am wondering, is there something I am missing? Am I the yassol? Historical whore comes straight in and says what you are missing is that she isn't the one for you. Let's get this party on says, honestly, your kids are grown. She is 35 and wants to just be a mum. Sounds like you have different wants and needs in life.

[00:23:37] Hashtag to the face says, mine are the same age as the kids and her too. With a married man, 13 my senior. I don't think I could do it again this old. Four months after that post, OB comes in with an update and says, about a month after my post, my now ex-girlfriend and I spent the weekend together discussing all of our perspectives. She wanted to be a stay-at-home mum, a minimum of five years. She emphasized she may decide she wants longer, but at minimum, five years.

[00:24:05] I proposed a compromise of doing it for 30 months and then seeing where we are. That was not acceptable to her. So I told her we are incompatible and should break up. She was upset, but understood. Around Valentine's Day, she reached out to me and said she can compromise on the issue. I told her I thought it was best that we remain broken up. This past week, I got a very angry text message talking about how you wasted my time, you piece of shit. I've officially blocked her.

[00:24:33] So that is where things are. Dr. Social says, I mean, this is for the best. There's guys out there that wants basically a stay-at-home mum and others that don't. There's little compromise on that and she should find someone that wants to support her. It was never going to end at 30 months or five years. The goalposts will just move on and on and you'll both resent each other. Good luck. Nyan Kitty says, now would be a perfect time for a vasectomy.

[00:25:01] Your other two kids will be 18 in a few years. Prudy says, never mind that her plan to take five years out of the game as an engineer would be intentionally self-sabotaging and make her very unemployable compared to the others competing for any position she would be half-heartedly applying for to re-enter the field. But now what do you guys make of this situation? Do you think that ever would have worked out? Resentment building? Do you think it would have been wise for them to have children? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:25:29] And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved. Truly. Thank you so much and I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Take care and much love. Take care and much love. Take care and much love. Take care and much love. Take care and much love.