Cousin Didn't Invite My Boyfriend To Her Wedding Now I'm Being Accused Of RUINING IT r/Relationships

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[00:00:51] Now today's first story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit that's titled, Am I the Arsehole for apparently ruining my cousin's wedding. My cousin, 28F and I, 26F are incredibly close. Practically like sisters. We've shared everything from childhood memories to discussing our love lives.

[00:01:11] I've always been there for her, offering a shoulder to cry on whenever a guy broke her heart. She's getting married this December in my country. In my country, everyone pays for their own seat at the table.

[00:01:24] I've been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years and we are eagerly planning our own future together, including getting married after we finish our theses. Despite our close bond, my cousin has never met my boyfriend in person, only through video calls.

[00:01:40] I've extended invitations for her to visit and meet him numerous times, but due to her busy schedule, she's never been able to make it. Conversely, I've made the effort to travel to her city and meet her boyfriend.

[00:01:52] We were eagerly anticipating the moment when they would finally meet at her wedding, and we had even discussed it during our last conversation. We had dreams of traveling the world together, making plans and continuing to be the inseparable duo now for we've always been.

[00:02:08] However, my excitement was abruptly shattered when my mum received a call from my aunt, my cousin's mum, delivering unsuspecting news. They had decided not to invite significant others of family members to the wedding due to budget constraints, while still allowing the partners of her friends to attend.

[00:02:26] This decision felt like a slap in the face, particularly after all the anticipation we had shared about her and her partner finally meeting mine at her wedding. I couldn't shake the feeling that this decision was made to avoid upsetting her friends, some

[00:02:39] of whom had let her down multiple times in the past and that they take me for granted. The news left me feeling devastated. It wasn't just about not being invited anymore. It felt like I had lost a piece of my family.

[00:02:53] All the plans we had made together suddenly evaporated. While my boyfriend wasn't angry, he understandably questioned the value of investing in future vacations with someone who hadn't invited him to their wedding. Additionally, it hurt even more that my cousin didn't have the courage to tell me herself.

[00:03:09] Instead, she had her mum relay the message through mine. When I expressed my disappointment, some family members, particularly uncles and aunts, accused me of ruining my cousin's wedding day by speaking up. They argued that it was her day and she had the right to do as she pleased.

[00:03:24] However, I couldn't shake the feeling of betrayal. While I understood weddings are expensive, my boyfriend had even offered to pay for his seat, as is customary in our country. So am I the asshole for speaking up? Edit.

[00:03:39] I'd like to add that I'm particularly hurt because my cousin didn't tell me herself. Though we spoke on the phone yesterday morning and she knew she was not inviting my boyfriend and that my aunt was going to call any day to deliver the news.

[00:03:52] Yet she didn't say a word about retracting the verbal invitation. Posting this here because I want to see both sides of the problem before speaking directly to my cousin. I don't want to act out of anger without getting perspective.

[00:04:04] Now, I'll start off by saying I don't think you're going to get anywhere until you speak to the cousin directly and I personally think that's what you should do rather than getting some relayed messages where there could be lost context and all this kind of thing.

[00:04:17] But you're not wrong for feeling the way that you're feeling and I think talking to your cousin about it will get the clarity that you need in this situation I think. But there were some relevant questions on this one.

[00:04:27] So someone said can you offer to pay for his meal or seat? And Opie says yes, in my country everyone pays for their seat. Everyone. People actually gain money in weddings if you take into account that we pay for our seats and then give presents.

[00:04:41] It's just that they have to pay up and then on the wedding day they recover the money they lost. Someone says to elaborate on that and says, Opie says yep the bride and groom texts us a bank account.

[00:04:52] It can also be given by hand and you deposit money there. Usually you pay the seat which is a closed price. It doesn't depend on what you consume plus some more money as a gift. The price is firstly assumed but everyone ends up kind of knowing.

[00:05:06] Your aunt will tell someone who will then tell someone else and at the very end most people will know. Someone says what country and Opie says I'm in Spain. This is something new that started only a couple of years ago. You're expected to cover your own seat.

[00:05:20] I don't know if this is done in every part of Spain but I've had to do it in every wedding I've attended. It is strange and insulting I agree. Someone asked Opie what did your cousin say when you spoke to her.

[00:05:31] Opie says, oh I talked to my cousin yesterday morning and she didn't mention it. Though she surely knew she was retracting the invitation. My aunt called my mother to deliver the news yesterday night, quite late, so I haven't had a chance to ask her about it.

[00:05:46] Everything broke havoc because I told my aunt that I felt hurt with that decision and my uncle and aunt who are visiting heard me and said I was ruining everything.

[00:05:55] I plan on talking to her this week and I wanted to post this here to see both sides of the problem. Thank you for your answer. Someone suggested that maybe she just wants people that she knows there and Opie says my

[00:06:09] cousin is inviting people she has never met. I specifically can think of two boyfriends she has never ever seen but they are her friends partners so they can go. The wedding is in December, my cousin and I talk every week including yesterday morning

[00:06:23] when she could have told me. I heard from my aunt yesterday at 1am which is a great hour to call I know. I do think my cousin had enough time to tell me herself. Someone says to just bring him to see where she is and introduce them.

[00:06:38] Opie says she is currently in her home city, Comadimiolka. I'd need a plane. She usually lives in Madrid. I've invited her over to my town which is 2 hours again. A lot of times. She never wanted to come.

[00:06:51] I don't find it appropriate to just arrive at her house and knock on the door. Then maybe that's what I should do. Someone says are you sure your aunt didn't make it up and force her daughter to go along with it.

[00:07:02] Opie says it may be but my cousin could have told me yesterday morning even just to tell me that it was really my aunt's decision. We really have an excellent relationship. She knows I'm a reasonable person and would understand her.

[00:07:15] Thing is my cousin is not organizing anything for my wedding, not even the wedding dress. Everything is being handled by her mother. My cousin says she doesn't want the stress. My aunt has always been quite jealous of me as I found a boyfriend quite earlier than my cousin.

[00:07:30] They are those kind of desperate people who need to have a man by their side at all times. I would be quite shocked if my aunt had made this up. It isn't like her. I will have to call my cousin to confirm though.

[00:07:42] Someone says to Opie stop karma farming and communicate with her. Opie says I want to fix the situation. I don't even know how karma works lol but I love that expression. Karma farming. Not being sarcastic. Actually chuckled.

[00:07:55] The reason I asked here before talking to her is because I really do love her very much. She is an extremely sensitive person. I have seen her crying because she couldn't decide on going to a place or staying home. I wish I was exaggerating.

[00:08:09] I am right now quite disappointed and angry but I don't want to risk hurting her if I was being unreasonable. Especially after some family members said I was ruining the wedding by speaking up. Do my question here to see what other people thought.

[00:08:22] Someone says are you in the bridal party and what do you mean by partners being invited? Opie says 1. She isn't having one. She is extremely conservative and hates bridal parties. I think that if she did have it I'd 100% be on it. We really have a very good relationship.

[00:08:40] I'm also helping her with some things like the makeup. I'm even in charge of her makeup on that day as well. She asked me to think about how she can wear it and do her makeup that day so she wouldn't

[00:08:51] have to pay for a makeup artist and I agreed. 2. I mean boyfriends. I know for a fact that there is no limitation regarding the space. I've been on the place and I know it's massive. You can host more people than the one she has invited.

[00:09:05] Maybe I'm being dramatic. I'll think about it. Thank you for your input. And some of those questions did have me thinking. I was thinking in the original part of the story about how much is the aunt involved in you know controlling things behind the scenes.

[00:09:20] It's something that we've seen before many times in wedding type stories but let's move on to Opie's update to find out what happened. Long story short, my cousin uninvited my boyfriend from a wedding out of the blue without

[00:09:33] giving a plausible explanation and not even calling herself but sending her mother to tell my mother who ultimately told me. I was judged not the asshole. So I had a conversation with my cousin a couple days back.

[00:09:46] It seems like it was a mix of her own decision and her mother's influence. Long story short, she's considering making an exception for my boyfriend but couldn't confirm yet. She said she wouldn't know until last minute.

[00:09:58] However, my aunt informed my mother that they had collectively decided not to make any exceptions. Either my cousin or my aunt is not being truthful and I'm leaning towards my aunt. Here's how it all unfolded. Right from the start I could sense her nervousness.

[00:10:15] As you may recall, my aunt had informed my mother that they weren't including cousins boyfriends in the guest list due to budget constraints. I knew this wasn't the real reason. Her financial status is more than comfortable but naturally I didn't confront her directly about it.

[00:10:29] Instead, I expressed surprise that she hadn't mentioned it to me herself to which she had no response and I found the decision where her friends boyfriends were invited but not her cousins boyfriends quite bizarre. Eventually she confessed.

[00:10:44] The budget excuse was made up by her mother as I suspected. The actual reason behind this odd rule was that she didn't like some of her cousins from her other side of the family who aren't related to me, boyfriends. She simply didn't want them at the wedding.

[00:10:59] Her solution was to exclude any family boyfriends including mine from the guest list. After this she did mention her intention to try and make an exception for me. However, she said she would not be able to confirm until a few months had passed. I have no idea why.

[00:11:15] She literally said I'll try to invite him at the last minute. The conversation ended there with me not really knowing how to feel. We didn't argue but we weren't as sweet to each other as we usually are.

[00:11:27] Mind you, I did not tell her I wanted an exception made with me or anything like that. I promise. I would never try to change a guest list. The only thing I complained about was not being told by her directly. Absolutely nothing else.

[00:11:41] The exception thing was only her doing, not mine. The relatives who told me I was ruining the wedding by complaining have not apologized or talked to me about the issue yet and I don't really think they will.

[00:11:54] I'm at a loss for how to feel about all of this. I think there were far more tactful ways to handle the situation. I can't even decide if this revelation makes things better or worse. Lol. Anyway, thank you very much for your help.

[00:12:08] And a top comment with the reply from OP says Not the arsehole OP. I'm sure you're being stressed out but let me explain it. In four years, your cousin has not shown enough interest in your committed significant other to go out of her way to meet him.

[00:12:23] She's not interested in meeting him at a wedding. I seriously doubt that she is interested in her and her hubby ever traveling with you and your SO. You do not have the close relationship with your cousin that you thought you had.

[00:12:34] She did not handle it at all well. How she or her mother communicated with you. She's a coward. She sounds like the kind of person who goes along to get along and just nodded when you made plans for the future instead of saying, no, I don't think so.

[00:12:48] I'm not interested. Maybe she even made minimal contribution to the ideas for travel but wasn't sincere. You can either go to the wedding without your boyfriend and make nice with your relatives or you can stay home with your boyfriend.

[00:13:01] Even if she were to offer him a seat at some late date because someone else canceled. My suggestion would be to say, thanks anyway. Boyfriend made other plans with one of his friends. Opie replies saying, yep, I 100% agree with every word you said.

[00:13:15] It's a shock but it is what it is and I agree. If my boyfriend gets a last minute invitation, he'll probably refuse it. Thank you very much for your answer. I think that comment summed up better than I could ever sum it up really.

[00:13:29] Most stories have me suspicious straight away when they start off like the story said that they're incredibly close practically like sisters and then goes about all the ways that they are really close. But then starts to show the cracks in the relationship.

[00:13:44] Like that comment said, not making any effort to see Opie's boyfriend but Opie's made all the effort towards them. It just seems like a one way relationship. But what do you guys make of this situation? Put yourself in Opie's shoes.

[00:13:58] Imagine you did get that invite for the boyfriend further down the line. Would you attend? Would you still do the makeup for this person? Would you completely cancel it off? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

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[00:15:23] Now our next story comes from a throw away account has a couple of updates to it and says I 30 female cheated on my husband 27 male and now I suspect he's seeing another woman. I know I did something awful and disgusting when I couldn't take the guilt anymore.

[00:15:40] I cut off my affair partner and confessed everything to my husband. He got more upset and depressed and angry. I begged him not to divorce me. I proposed counseling, therapy, even allowing him to have sex with other women, but he wasn't interested.

[00:15:54] He said he wanted to try and work us out and I jumped in being the best wife a man could ask for. I cook his favorite dishes, leave him loving notes and bought a new lingerie to entice him. His reactions are lukewarm at best.

[00:16:08] He smiles and thanks me, but not once has he said he loves me since I confessed. He barely initiates anything and I basically have to push myself on him. Not that he complains. Sometimes we talk about this, but I think I still lost the man I love.

[00:16:23] His behavior with me feels very artificial and nothing changes his facade. I can be playful, I can be sad, I can get angry and I can get seductive. His reactions always the stupid smile and polite words. He was so emotional and sincere before all of this happened.

[00:16:40] I want him to let out his true emotions with me, even if he hates me. I still love him so much. What can I do to fix this? I just feel like this one is over. But Independent Farm says OP is this a troll post?

[00:17:21] If not, please share some details. How long have you been together and how long was the affair? Who is the other man? A co-worker? OP says we've been married for 5 years. My affair lasted a couple of months and it was with a client.

[00:17:34] Independent Farm replies to that saying ok thank you. What do you mean by cutting off the affair? Is this person still a client? Do you have to have business contact with him? Are you seeing a therapist? You know why you strayed.

[00:17:45] OP says I ended my relationship with the client and passed this contract to a co-worker. No contact ever since. I've been doing individual therapy. I don't know why I did all this. My body felt like it was on autopilot.

[00:17:57] The OP's first update comes in saying he knows I cheated. We didn't separate and I begged him not to divorce me and let me fix this. He agreed but his behavior since my confession has basically been one of indifference.

[00:18:10] Like I wrote on my last post, I do my best to be the best wife he could ask for. I cook his favorite foods, get him gifts, and screw his brains out every night. He just smiles and thanks me. He acts kind and never yells at me.

[00:18:22] I feel his icy indifference under the mask of courtesy. 2 weeks ago he started coming home late. Very late. When he does, he just goes to bed. I asked him what's going on and he told me in the kindest way possible that it's not my business.

[00:18:37] I call him and he stays out and he picked up only once. I heard a woman laughing in the background. I'm starting to think he's cheating back on me. It fucking hurts. If he told me at least I would do my best to stomach it.

[00:18:51] I deserve this after all but he won't tell me. He just shuts me out. A common friend told me she spotted him in a car with a woman she didn't recognize and this felt like a stab in the heart.

[00:19:02] She said she couldn't describe her exactly because she wore big sunglasses but she recognized my husband because of his particular taste in neckties. They were talking but my friend said that from their position it looked like they were

[00:19:14] holding their hands or one of them was touching the other's lap. I don't know what to do. If he is having an affair, I deserve it but I need to know. The uncertainty is killing me. Should I confront him? Should I try to find out more?

[00:19:29] OP's next update said he left me. I did like you guys said and begged him to talk to me. He didn't want to but I cried and yelled so much I puked all over. He got softer with me. He helped me clean up and we talked.

[00:19:42] I asked him if he was cheating on me and he said he was talking with someone but didn't do anything with her. I asked if she was the woman my friend saw him with and he thought on it a little and said no.

[00:19:52] It was another woman whom he met a month ago in his office. I asked him how could he and I said I gave him permission and he didn't do anything besides unloading his problems and our situation with her but he played it like he was having

[00:20:05] a full affair so I could feel what he felt, especially because according to him, I neglected him and made it obvious I was cheating on him. He said he was suffering and I was almost rubbing it in his face.

[00:20:16] I told him I wasn't doing it on purpose and he said this was even worse because I didn't care at all. He said that everything I did after confessing meant nothing and I just made him think I am selfish, self-centered and lack any sort of self-respect.

[00:20:30] I asked him if we could work on myself and our marriage but he said we can have counseling to sort ourselves out but the marriage is over. He said he wishes no ill on me and decided to cut his charade because he can no longer

[00:20:42] bear to let the woman he once loved suffer like that but he said I'm no longer that woman. I started sobbing again and he held me. He kept saying no when I asked him we work this out.

[00:20:53] I asked him what he was going to do and he's moving out, he's already found a new place. I asked him if he was going to live with that woman and he said no I think but she was close enough.

[00:21:03] I asked him how he could pick a total stranger he met a month ago over his wife of 5 years. He said his wife of 5 years no longer exists, he's had to pick between two strangers and that woman made a much better impression on him.

[00:21:16] I told him he was a fool and how could he not know this woman will probably use and dump him. He got harsh and said she's better than me for sure. He said he won't say to our families our marriage ended because I cheated but because we grew

[00:21:28] apart and that he will leave the house to me as long as I make the divorce smooth. That if I try to take him to the cleaners, drag it out or cause any problems, he'll tell everyone what I did and destroy me and my reputation.

[00:21:41] This happened yesterday and he's already packed up almost everything. I can't stop crying and I can't believe this is happening. This is horrible and unfair. And we have one further update in a moment but OP really needs to take a step back and

[00:21:56] self reflect on their situation at the moment and the damage that they've done themselves. And in an absolute shitty situation it sounds like they're coming out of it pretty lucky actually that he's going to leave her the house as long as she makes the divorce smooth and

[00:22:11] he's not going to tell anyone about what happened. OP left a comment below that post and said you guys are right saying that I suck but he has fault too. He never really wanted to fix this, he used me for months and then discarded me.

[00:22:24] Yet I want him back and forgive and forget all the hurt we've done to each other. As for his girl, I don't think she'll be good for him. OP added their final update that says this feels like a nightmare.

[00:22:35] I keep telling myself it's not real and I'm going to wake up. My husband moved out two weeks ago ostensibly to live with another woman. But I kept an eye and ears on him, had some friends tell me his goings on and seemingly

[00:22:48] there was no other woman at all. I thought, I hoped he was just collecting his thoughts and that he would come back to me. But today he did it. He had me served. I don't want to believe he is done with us.

[00:22:59] I love him so much and I miss him every day. Leave the dude alone, stop having friends stalk him and find out all his goings on. Just move on, he's done. There's no way this relationship would ever work again.

[00:23:13] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:23:25] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

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