Co-Worker Just Chopped My Hair After Saying "It Would Look Great Shorter!" | r/WhatDoIDo

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story does have a trigger warning on it of racism. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. It's from the WhatDoIDoS.com.

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00] Subreddit from throwawaytheringfrodo3 and says co-worker cut my hair after saying my hair would look great shorter. Ooh, eerie me. It starts, I work remote and thus I can do whatever I like with my clothes and hair. I love it even though I'm a bit new to it. We have an office in my city that we have events at and some non-remote workers work. My co-worker Terry works remote and we meet every Thursday morning to

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_00] interface for projects that cross over our departments. Since I've met him, he always has commented on my hair and clothes, but it's whatevs. But he does often say that my big curly hair would look a lot better short and showed me a photo of his wife who has hair like mine, but wears it really short. I just don't like my hair short. Sue me. So I just go, ah, not for me, I'm afraid. We have a holiday party that is next week. So I volunteered to help set it up. Not because I'm sorry.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00] I'm some great, nice person, mind you. I get paid extra and get extra vacation days and the Caribbean is calling me. Lol. And Terry too is helping. He had some scissors and showed us with aluminium foil how cutting it can make scissors sharper. He kept saying it cuts so smooth and kept cutting crap and then grabbed some of my hair and cut it. It was me, him and his teammate and it quickly escalated. HR, of course, was notified.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00] He says he didn't mean to, but just got wrapped up in it. And let his intrusive thoughts win. He says he's on the spectrum and he's incredibly sorry. A co-worker told me he is saying I must hate him and he's been depressed since. HR is pulling me in a meeting tomorrow and per our policy, they explicitly say what the meeting is about. What are my thoughts about it and how would I like to move forward?

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00] I know I don't want to see this guy if I can help it and I do want the cost covered for my stylist appointment. I don't really want police involved. My hair goes past my butt and he cut right up my hip. So it was a good chunk. I'm angry and I usually want to believe the best in people, but I don't want to here.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_00] I mean, it's fucking nuts and everyone is saying how insane it is and that he's a bit of a goofball, but overall just excitable and sweet. I guess my question is, how do I even handle this? Like, what do I ask for reasonably? And what is my rage and anger speaking? I'm so upset, but I can't talk to anyone else about it because my family and friends would just want me to go scorched earth.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00] Comments from OP were saying, I'm black on both parents' side and part indigenous on my mother's side. I didn't want to mention in the post because I didn't want to run on the assumption this was racist mostly because it is. Ugh. This is a whole other beast and I hate confrontation. I work a lot at it, but to be honest, I'm part Native American, so my hair is so specific. I've almost always had long hair and would donate it when I was younger, but now.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_00] I just like it long because it is pretty unique to me amongst most other black women I know. It's just a little thing that makes me feel unique or special. Oh my word, that is just like absolutely wild. And let's face it, he didn't get wrapped up in demonstrating the scissors or whatever he was doing. He's been talking about your hair for months, repeatedly telling you to cut it short, showing

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_00] you photos of his wife's hair, which, you know, all that behavior in itself was pretty odd in my opinion. And then he just happens to grab your hair and then cuts a big chunk of it off. He said it was down to your butt and he cut up to your hip. To me, it wasn't saying intrusive thoughts were winning. It just seemed like there was a pattern there. It's going to be very interesting to see how HR actually deal with this in itself because what he did was assault.

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00] Lotus Bro just says straight away, premeditated on his behalf. Variety says what he did is actually a criminal offense as it would constitute battery, I think, or maybe assault. I imagine if you wanted to go scorched earth, he'd be sacked. And if you went the other way and played it off, he might be given a first and final warning. I don't think your company would pay or make him pay for a hairdresser, but you could report the incident to the police. Follow That Follow says hold the phone.

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00] You need to tell HR that grabbing someone's hair and cutting it against your will is assault, not just an issue with someone's autism. Now that that's clear, what are they going to do to protect you from this moment moving forward? If they still do nothing to put things in place so that he is fired or you never have to see him again to do your job, tell them you'll be getting a lawyer and finding a police report since they are failing as your employer to do the bare minimum to protect you from another employee's unwanted touching and assault.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_00] Talk to the person who witnessed the haircutting and ask them if they would give you a written account of what happened before confronting HR with a legal threat. I'll be looking for a lawyer because if your company fails to protect after an assault, you can sue them. If they don't take you seriously, it's only a matter until this dude does something worse to you or another poor co-worker. Another commenter says, OP, he assaulted you. Plain and simple. Go into HR and see what they have to say. Then tell this. You want him fired.

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_00] You want the cost of a stylist appointment completely covered. You want the time off to get the appointment, if only able to book during work hours, and you want it paid for, not using any PTO. You want this agreement in writing. If they refuse anything, let them know you are having him arrested, and you will ensure the cops show up on Thursday so they can arrest him on company property. You will also get a restraining order against him so he'll be unable to perform anything related to you if they don't fire him. If they refuse everything, let them know lawyers will be involved.

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_00] As for Terry, fuck him. Having a disability is not an excuse to assault someone. Some common sense says, do not accept him being autistic as an excuse for overriding your bodily autonomy and essentially physically assaulting you. Would that excuse be okay if he groped you instead? Exactly what type of intrusive thoughts are we going to excuse here? I will tell HR involving the police is not necessary, but you want him disciplined to the full extent possible within the company.

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_00] So, OP does come in with an update and says, I'm at a pub near HQ enjoying a beer because I'm off for the rest of the day and can. Yeah, you don't need a reason. I went into the HR meeting and it went like this. I took a lot of advice from your comments and also broke down and explained it to my mom, best friends and of course my partner. All were livid, but I got good advice from them as well. So, how about that Crown Act?

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00] Also in my state, that is a huge deal both locally and federally. So further confirmation, I wasn't overreacting and being rattled and pissed. I preemptively sent a formal email to HR asking for the records as, this is a police matter and requesting their cooperation. That got attention as now instead of just meeting with a rep from HR, the meeting changed by the time I logged on this morning to have new names added to the calendar invite.

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_00] I sat down with Anne who is my direct supervisor, Gary, the HR lead, and Leon who is the supervisor of the offender. First was a long apology. Very HR. This should have never happened and we take these matters very seriously, etc. Then they talked about what they've already done. He's currently suspended, ridden up, and if he returns, he will need to do mandatory training. This has all been documented with witness statements that will be shared with me.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_00] I'm given the option to work now directly with Leon on matters that branch from my department into his. They reminded me that my job offers free therapy through an online program. But I'm already in regular therapy, so they've offered to cover this month via a reimbursement. I'm given paid leave through to January 6th, effective as soon as I walk out from the meeting. I will still be paid for my time on the party and the bonuses promised to me for working on it, but I will no longer be required to assist with prep going forward.

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_00] Then they gave me the floor asking what, if anything more I wanted done. How was I? I mentioned that while I do want to believe the best in people, it bears nothing that this can be viewed as assault and possibly racially driven. I explained that ethnic hair takes a lot to maintain as a black woman. I do a lot to ensure its health and length. I reiterated his repeated comments about my hair and how I felt this might have been targeted and do not ever want to be around this man again.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00] I'd be filing a police report on the matter due to the seriousness of him not only touching me without my permission, but using a dangerous object to cut my hair. I then said that I've sent images to my hairstylist and expect to be reimbursed for the services of managing my altered hair. He asked how much that might be and I said, I wasn't sure as I have an emergency appointment this Saturday. Anne spoke up and said that might not be possible, but gave it Gary in the form of a question. Gary said he needs to see about it,

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00] but Leon spoke up and said that he, as a black man, would be shocked if they didn't cover this and reinforced my point that black hair is expensive and time consuming. He spoke of the culture of the company and how we're supposed to not only be against discrimination, but claim to be anti-racist. It wouldn't be right to not make right this offense because Lily is being so calm right now and I'm impressed because that's some next level racism from where I sit. I did confirm that I am shaken and very, very angry, but also a professional

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_00] and I want this meeting to be productive. Ultimately, Gary gave me a tentative yes and I requested an email confirming all the points and promises made in this meeting. I received that about an hour ago with confirmation that I only need to send an invoice or receipt to Gary. In the meeting, I was told an email has been sent directly to HR but addressed to me from the man who cut my hair. They said I don't have to read it, but they will send it to me if I want. I did for at least the sake of having a confirmation and confession,

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00] possibly in the email. All in all, I think things went okay under the circumstances. I did show them the damage to my hair and Leon was visibly pissed. I honestly think the guy will eventually just be sacked if not for this, for literally any other reason just based on his boss's behavior towards this. Last night, I cried about my hair. At the time, I was feeling like I was being a crybaby. It's just hair at the end of it, but it occurred to me that it's also a big part of me and my identity

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_00] and it gives me a tie also to my indigenous roots. I did say that in the meeting too, but it's just heartbreaking to me. Nothing is undone. My stylist said, based on the photos, I will need to at least trim a bit off the bottom. A commenter suggested, a smile shape, so I suggested it to my stylist, so we'll see. My mom, who is easily the best mom in the world, sent me a text right before my meeting ended to ask how it went

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_00] and I told her everything I told you all. She said she was proud of me for standing up for myself and gave me a push to alert the police, so I will. She wants me to sue also, but so far, is only lightly suggesting. It just sounds stressful and this was already traumatic, so I think I'll worry about that after the holidays. Now though, I have a lot of time to burn. I'm not used to having no work. I used to work multiple jobs, having side hustles and all that, but after I got this job,

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_00] it has great pay and benefits and now I make enough to live comfortably without fear of being short on rent or skimping on the food budget to make ends meet. That's why I put my all into it. I've been commended multiple times already there and if I do say so myself, I'm a great employee. It was nice to have that a little reflected back, but I have to admit, I'm still angry. I also feel some sort of way about Anne in the meeting. She was nice to me and handed me a tissue when I teared up,

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_00] but otherwise looked so uncomfortable to the point that it was pretty distracting. She looked like she was being tortured and I was like, girl, no one is having fun here, get it together. But I am in my feelings and I know that. So now I guess I need to figure out how to fill time for a while. Trip? Decorating? New hobby? Old hobby? Thoughts? I could use suggestions. Lastly, it occurs to me a lot of folks on the comments have been following my insane life, so I wanted to thank everyone

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_00] for their DMs with uplifting words. Jokes, hair care, suggestions, and the like. It really makes this shitty situation easier. So, from my heart to yours, I wish you all such a lovely holiday. I know they can be hard for a lot of people. I hope you can all find a little joy regardless. Edit. I wanted to quickly update now that the day is over. I spent most of my day doing things that bring me joy. I randomly went to the museum, had an espresso, martini, etc. But first,

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_00] I finished moping at the bar I was at and reported it with the police. It was stressful, but I wanted it out of the way as my lawyer strongly suggested I do so now in the event that I sue later. I did check my email and read his email to me that was funneled through HR. There's a very clear admission of what happened. He had very odd reasoning and repeated intrusive thoughts and did note he's on the spectrum. He also mentioned lightly that remote work saved him because he's awkward and just wants to be friendly but admits he took things too far.

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_00] OP did add some comments below that one just talking about how Leon is a real one and she potentially wants to get him a gift basket or something along those lines. But later mentions she's going to make a crochet of a Death Star for him. But now I'm going to turn this one straight to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_00] the Am I the Arsehole subreddit from Creepy Werewolf 4914. It's one that's got an update that came a year later and it says Am I the Arsehole for making my son cry? I, 47 male have a son 14 male from a previous marriage to my late wife. She passed 2 years ago and for my son the wound is still very fresh. My son and her were very close as they look exactly alike and had a lot of the same interests in reading, history and art.

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_00] Their favorite place in the world is the British Museum in London. Their passion project has been redrawing pieces from the museum for the last 2 years before. For the last 4 years for my wife's birthday in June and my son's birthday in December. We go to England for a week so they can spend time in the museum. However, since she died my son and I have continued going for his birthday. The problem is with my new wife 39 female. She's only been with us on this annual trip once last year

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_00] and she complained the whole time. Now however, we recently found out we're expecting a child together in May. She raised it to my attention that the money I've used for the trip could be better used to be saved for the baby and we could instead do something else for my son's birthday. I thought about it and I agreed. I was worried how he'd take it as this is the only thing he wants for his birthday. He doesn't ask for gifts or cake or a party. All he cares about is this god damn museum.

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_00] We broke the news to my son yesterday and he flipped out. He was so upset and when my wife tried to tell him why we were saving the money and where the money was going to he said he didn't give a damn and we got into an argument about it. He said he was upset because if he didn't go this year he'd missed the new exhibit he'd been wanting to see and he accused my wife of doing this on purpose because she already doesn't like me he said. I admit I yelled at him and he started crying and for the last 24 hours

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_00] he hasn't spoken to me. Am I the arsehole? Let's face it we all know where this one is going you know the wife wife complaining about it through the entire trip last year and now mysteriously finds a reason to cancel it. You know your son's not wrong she's doing this on purpose he's already got the feeling that she doesn't like him and this just isn't a holiday to him this is how he processes his grief this is helping him and it's one of these ones that you know if this behavior continues four years time

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_00] he'll be 18 as we always see he'll be gone. So Opie first clarifies on the timeline of when his late wife passed and the trips the family took together and says no I'm sorry if I worded it confusingly what I'm intending to say is that we took this trip twice a year when my wife was alive so four years ago we started taking these trips two years ago my wife died and we took the trip once a year since since my wife died we took the trip once a year Commodore says info what museum are you talking about

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_00] there are hundreds of maybe even thousands of museums and art galleries in England oh and you're the arsehole seriously what the heck is wrong with you and you're witch of a new wife Opie says the British museum the British museum in London Commodore says you're the arsehole and so is your new wife in fact she's downright selfish all she cares about is the baby that's coming neither she nor you are considering the child that is already here one that is herding deeply first from the loss of his mother and now from his father's

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_00] stupidity and yes Opie you are beyond stupid you're blind to the fact that your new wife is already putting her unborn child before your son who you have an obligation towards right here and now as he is your firstborn and shouldn't be shoved to the side for a baby that's not even born yet so get your head out of your arse tell your wife that she needs to shut up and do what's right by your son because I can promise you that if you forgo this trip the damage will be done

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_00] you will drop your sorry hide like a bad habit the moment he turns legal and he'll never look back then you can spend the rest of your life whining about how he never wants anything to do with you Commodore says your shiny new wife chose to act worse than a whiny toddler and ruined a trip that was meant for a child on their birthday as a memory for his mother you allowed this woman to make your son feel terrible in his favorite place in the world on his birthday you allowed this woman to take the one thing

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00] your child has ever wanted to shift it over to something that has nothing to do with your son for his birthday you yelled at your son for reacting badly to being shoved aside for your new family you allowed your new wife to mistreat your son not even bothering to raise any question at she hates me at all of course you're the asshole so it was a year later that OP did update their post and they said so a year ago i48mail made a post online about

[00:19:41] [SPEAKER_00] the issue i was having with my son 15 male and my new wife 40 female i've gotten many messages and comments asking what happened so i decided to make an update so the big thing first did i take my son on his birthday trip no but let me explain oh no don't don't explain so after my son and i got into a fight he went and complained to his uncle my late wife's older brother 47 male and his husband 47 male

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_00] i'll go ahead and say that since my late wife got sick and even after she died her brother and i never got along he his husband and most of her family like to judge me for how quickly i remarried however my son has kept a good relationship with them and once he told them about what happened they called and offered to take him themselves i was all for it but my wife was not she thought if we let my son go with them they'd fill his head with lies about her and only deepen the rift between us since

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_00] the situation was causing her so much stress and she was after about three days we finally sat down and talked he said he was unhappy with the way she was treating him and often felt like she was trying to erase his mom's touch from the house he felt like she was constantly criticizing him and didn't want him around when i confronted my wife about this she was offended she said she wasn't trying to erase his mother but simply add

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_00] her own touch to the space she wasn't criticizing him simply parenting eventually my son accepted that he wouldn't be able to go on this trip and was noticeably bummed out about it so his boyfriend and his friend spent his birthday at our house trying to cheer him up a sweet gesture but i don't think it worked over the last year my wife had our baby and now my son's birthday is approaching he's become bitter and resentful over what happened last year he spends more time away from home he's been rude

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_00] and disrespectful to his stepmother and been seeing his therapist more frequently now that we've all adjusted to having a new baby my son's birthday is approaching again i'm thinking if i should resume the tradition of taking my son back to the museum i think it'd be a good idea to hopefully do some family bonding and honestly i'm feeling really guilty about what happened last year my wife has her reservations for saying it would only reward his bad behavior i guess i'm making this update to not only inform

[00:22:09] [SPEAKER_00] the people have read it but also ask for a little advice if it's allowed what should i do i only want to be a better dad oh fucking hell this update i thought you know i thought in the end he was going to turn around take his son on the trip all would be good but no he doesn't do that but then the uncle comes in offers to take him on the trip i thought oh finally you know not ideal because the son is still going to have to go home to whatever dynamic was going on at home and it's not great but i thought at least he's going to get

[00:22:39] [SPEAKER_00] this trip from someone who wants to give it to him and he would have a good time right but then they declined it again i was just like no and you declined it because your wife was stressed your son's been in therapy more because of how miserable he is right now and i can see where the kid is coming from your wife is erasing his mom she's isolated him from his mom's family taking away the one tradition and is now wanting to punish him for being upset about all this part of me wants to say

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_00] book the trip now or at least let the uncles take him if you won't but there's also a big part of me thinking has this ship already sailed i mean he's 15 years old i think a lot of damage has already been done can it be repaired possibly i don't know it just feels like it's going to take a hell of a lot of work to get it into that position but what do you guys make of this situation absolutely heartbreaking for that kid how can you not see that oh dearie

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_00] me let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love