Brother Is Angry With Me For Gossiping About SIL Potentially Lying About Giving Birth

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider another like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account and it's titled, Am I the arsehole for gossiping with my mom about my brother's fiance is potentially lying about giving birth?

[00:00:26] I, 22 female, have an older brother, John, 32 male, who has been with his fiance Jane, 30 female, for four years. Ever four month old, Jane found out she was pregnant at five and a half weeks and immediately called my mom to tell her. Mom was confused but still very excited. Jane said she was going to tell John when he got back from his work trip. A few hours later, she called again, sobbing, saying she has insatiable cravings.

[00:00:53] My mom made a joke like, isn't it a bit early for cravings? And Jane went off on her. She started yelling about how this was her pregnancy and no one else's. It was an odd reaction. She also apologized for her outburst by blaming it on hormones.

[00:01:09] When my brother returned from his trip, him and Jane left to stay at her mother's and we didn't see her until after her baby was born. John said this was because Jane was afraid of losing the pregnancy and wanted to be with her mom and we needed to respect boundaries. Whenever someone would ask about Jane or the baby, they would shut it down with vague answers like every pregnancy is different or she's carrying small, which isn't unusual.

[00:01:33] They barely shared anything about the pregnancy. No ultrasound pictures, no baby shower and Jane didn't want anyone around during the delivery. I also discovered that every craving she listed came from one article about pregnancy cravings. She even listed multiple items in the same order as the article. When the baby was born, we were finally allowed to see Jane and John. And baby, of course. It was very bittersweet as we all wished we could have been there for Jane to help out.

[00:02:02] But Jane and John both reassured us that we did help out by staying away during the pregnancy. The weirdest part, though, is how Jane describes the birth. She said she had an epidural via an IV drip into her hand. Edited because I didn't elaborate, which is not how those are administered. When I asked clarifying questions, thinking she'd gotten confused, which is understandable. She shut down and refused to answer, like how she would during the pregnancy.

[00:02:30] She said the baby had latching issues because he was born with no umbilical cord stump. This can technically happen, but it's a rare and fatal medical condition that their baby does not have. The final straw was when she told us that the baby basically fell out of her within an hour of being in labor, despite my brother telling us how hard the birth was, and even stating,

[00:02:53] that was why they weren't going to try for any more kids. Mom is on the same side as me, and has been noticing the inconsistencies and inaccuracies, but doesn't know how to bring it up. And their reactions don't help. A few days ago, my brother texts mom, saying her doubt of Jane is disrespectful, and they both want full apologies from the both of us bullying Jane about her pregnancy slash labor. I haven't made any outright accusations about it, nor have I said any of this to Jane.

[00:03:22] I've only asked questions when she brings up the birth slash pregnancy up. Am I the asshole for having doubts? The commenter said to OP, by all means keep in mind that she may not be a reliable narrator, particularly if it comes to medical matters. But other than that, just enjoy your nibbling. This is not a situation where you need to prove her wrong or set her right, and you're the asshole if you continue to gossip. Also, why jump to lying, which implies ill intent?

[00:03:51] OP comes in and quotes that last bit about the lying and says, because their stories change. One day the label was grueling. Touch and go, 24 hours, and the next day it was, he just slipped out and I didn't even feel it. The label was an hour or two max. One day it's I had an epidural given an IV drip in my hand, and the next, it was so quick and easy, I didn't need any pain meds. One day it's, he was born without an umbilical cord stump, so he doesn't latch easily. And the next, he was born 100% healthy.

[00:04:21] Everything about it changes on a day-to-day basis when my brother and sister-in-law try to insist nothing weird is going on. And anyone who merely questions these changes is a gossip bully. I'm trying to be nice here and not imply ill intent, but when they jump down your throat for asking how much the baby weighed, it's not hard to. Another commenter says, you're the asshole. Sounds like they adopted a baby but are too scared to tell you, but not afraid to tell her side of the family, because you might judge them. Welcome the baby and stop being nosy.

[00:04:51] It's really none of your business. OP responds to that saying, I mean, I was adopted and John is a surrogate baby, so I'm unsure about that part. Another commenter says, maybe at this point they're fucking with you. OP says, I hope so. Hope they're really good actors. Commenter says, you're the asshole. I doubt you and your mom are reliable narrators. Especially considering you googled her cravings. I've had three children, no baby showers and carried low with my first. You couldn't tell I was pregnant.

[00:05:21] OP says, especially considering you googled her cravings. He's quoting that part and says, yeah, sister-in-law told me to. She kept saying her cravings were more common and to look it up as proof. And I found said article and realized she was listing every craving off the list. Someone replies saying, why does it matter? Why not just ask if they adopted or used a surrogate if you want to know so badly? OP quotes it and says, I said I would love to adopt one day. I'm adopted also. But that surrogacy is also on the table.

[00:05:50] They both started crying. When the family asked if they were okay, my brother told my uncle to shut up and they left. So I didn't know. Commenter says, I feel like in any situation, it's totally reasonable to fact check. Just question of what you do with the information. OP says, but also, they told me their newborn had this birth defect and didn't elaborate. So I googled it because I had never heard of it. Then I find out it has a 100% death rate.

[00:06:17] So now I'm assuming this newborn baby is going to die soon because all babies born with body stalk anomalies live for a few days max. When I bring it up with them, they tell me that actually no, he's not going to die and he doesn't really have body stalk anomaly. So I went from prematurely grieving this newborn's death and panicking that he was going to pass to being told he's actually fine. So like, how am I supposed to react to news about the baby now? And there was more information on the body stalk anomaly.

[00:06:46] Body stalk anomaly is a very different thing and it means it's a defect in which the abdominal organs develop outside of a baby's abdominal cavity and remain attached directly to the placenta. Yes, that is what they said the baby had. The baby very clearly does not have BSA, but that's what they said and continue to say the baby had slash has. The baby cannot have an infection on an umbilical cord stump that's no longer there because it fell off like it's supposed to.

[00:07:13] They both said the baby's stump was not infected. I know the baby doesn't have BSA. Sister-in-law and brother, however, continue to say baby has it, which is not true at all. That is why I was pushing back on them about it because it makes no sense. They still maintain the baby had no infection and is in good health but simultaneously has BSA. This is why I'm so confused by what they're saying. And the last commenter says to that, the reality is that nothing much adds up. There is one reality you can buy into.

[00:07:43] Your brother and his fiance have had a baby that is theirs. You can remain out of their lives forever or let your obsession go and enjoy your niece slash nephew. Your choice, but you would be an asshole if you chose option one. It's one of those situations where I find the verdict on this one, the you're the asshole. I just don't get it, to be quite honest. I don't think the family is just being nosy when you're told something and it doesn't make sense and it's wildly inconsistent, you know, about a new family member as well.

[00:08:12] I think it's okay to ask reasonable questions. If it happened with my family, I would be asking questions as well. Obviously approaching it in the most sensitive way possible, of course, but because I think there's concern there and I just wouldn't be able to sit back and just go, okay, then it's none of my business and just, and just go along with it. I just don't think that's reality. Opie comes in with her update and says, well, I was right to have questions. After I made my post, I stopped talking to my mom about the pregnancy, but things still

[00:08:42] didn't add up. Fast forward to my brother's birthday and the whole family was over at mom's. Our aunts, uncles, cousins, and older brother were all guests. During the party, Jane mentioned how the baby had BSA and our aunt called her out on it. She's a maternity nurse. It caused a huge argument where Jane and John left in a rage, but it turns out that Jane didn't give birth. The baby is actually a product of my brother's affair.

[00:09:09] Had been cheating on Jane with some woman for about six months before she got pregnant. Apparently, Jane and John offered her a lump sum of £25,000 for her to allow them to adopt the baby when it was born and to never interact with the baby or their family ever again. They didn't want this cheating to be found out, so they pretended Jane was pregnant and moved away. Jane's mom was in on the whole thing. The kicker? This all came out because the woman John had the affair with decided she wanted her baby back.

[00:09:39] Apparently, she hadn't been fully informed about the agreement's legal implications and she felt pressured to sign it in the first place. She also barely speaks English and the contract was all English. She's now pursuing legal action against Jane and John to get full custody of the baby. She said she waited this long because she was afraid of her immigrant status getting in the way. All their closed off answers and refusal to engage was because they were afraid of this coming out.

[00:10:06] Apparently, Jane was terrified as someone noticing the baby's eyes. Green. John and Jane both have blue eyes, but Lucy has green eyes. Things have gone to absolute shit. The whole situation is bigger than anything I could have imagined. I wouldn't be updating unless something else crazy happens. I don't know if this was a sign to keep trusting my gut, but damn. I'll be logging off in a few hours. Thanks to everyone. Commenter says, you need to get your sister-in-law out of that toxic relationship ASAP.

[00:10:34] Help that girl wake up. Opie says, I mean they both orchestrated taking advantage of the woman. They're made for each other. Someone says, why didn't they just say they will adopt the baby? Opie says, well that's what they did under the guise of tricking the woman. I don't know what the contract said exactly, but from what I know, my brother told her she's able to see the baby, but the contract said that by taking the $25,000, she'd never see her baby or my brother slash his extended family ever again.

[00:11:01] I feel awful for her, and I hope she can recover and get her baby back. Commenter says, yikes. I hope that poor woman gets her baby back. In the US, at least, there's a visa for people who report a crime and cooperate with prosecuting the perpetrator. It's frequently used for domestic violence. We don't know the details on whether they can be charged for the crime given the contract. Maybe something like criminal coercion? In any case, I hope mama and baby are reunited and thrive together.

[00:11:29] Sorry you have to deal with the family mess, Opie. Opie says we're in the UK, where paid surrogacy is illegal unless it's for reasonable expenses. For example, buying your surrogacy maternity clothes is legal. Paying them a lump sum of $25,000 is not. That's not even getting into the fact that they tricked her and didn't even attempt to provide a translator, a contract in her language, anything. Gee whiz, that took a turn there. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:11:57] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from CatThrowaway1235 and it says, I'm not moving in with my boyfriend because of my cat. Throwaway and I'm on mobile. Sorry for format. I've been dating my 24 female boyfriend, 26 male, for a bit over a year now. And he really wants me to move in with him. The problem? My cat.

[00:12:26] My cat is 16 and dying. The vet says it would be unwise to hope for anything past six months. I've had this cat since I was a child. He was there for me through everything. There are a few reasons I don't want to move. One, moving is really stressful for cats and I don't want to cause any unneeded stress for my old boy. Two, my boyfriend has a fairly energetic Rottweiler. My cat has never been good with dogs. Almost killed when he was two years old. About to amputate his leg.

[00:12:55] It was so badly crushed and injured. I understand my boyfriend wants me to be close to him. I want that too. But is it really so much to ask for a few months for my cat to pass away? It hurts me so much that he keeps calling me unfair and not committed in this relationship. I am. But my longest friend is dying. And I want him to be comfortable. He doesn't seem to grasp how important my cat is to me. He's never liked cats and even made the joke, When he's gone, I will finally be your number one man.

[00:13:26] I don't know how to handle this at all. Any advice is welcome. Look, you've given your reasons to him about moving is stressful for cats. You don't want him to be stressed out. Your boyfriend has a pet which is energetic as well and a fairly big dog. And the fact that he manipulated you over this as well, calling you unfair and not committed in this relationship with your very valid reasons and shows that he's actually competitive when the cat's saying stuff like, When he's finally gone, I'll be your number one man.

[00:13:55] I gotta tell you, straight up, if someone said that sort of stuff to me about a pet, said it about Poppy or something like that, yeah, I'd see that person in a completely different light. That would be it. A commenter says, If he has a dog, how can you not understand what it's like to love an animal? Hopi says, He doesn't think cats actually have emotions or something. He's one of those people who think cats are evil and dogs are a saving grace. Which was fine before. I understand not liking cats is almost as common as liking them.

[00:14:25] A commenter replies saying, I get that he might not like the cat himself, but why doesn't he understand how you feel about the cat? A commenter says, I don't think it's unreasonable. After 16 years, the cat is part of the family. Of course, you want to make his passing as easy and safe as possible. If he doesn't get it, frankly, he sounds like a tool. Absolutely. Update says, First off, let me say I'm still shaking. So if this is a rambled mess, I'm sorry. All your kind words from yesterday made me cry. Thank you all so much.

[00:14:55] I thought I'd give some backstory on how my boyfriend and I met. It was through a support group. As I mentioned, growing up until age seven, I had a very abusive dad. When I was seven, he tried to kill my mother and I. Luckily, the cops intervened and they took him away. My mom charged him and he got put away. When the trial was done, we moved. And my mom gave me Moomoo. Don't judge the name. I was eight from a local shelter. I didn't fit in at the new school and Moomoo was the best thing in my life.

[00:15:25] Back to the support group.

[00:15:55] I shared my story. Moomoo was in my room sleeping. I told him what you guys said, saying that if it was his dog, he would be upset. He blew up. He told me that wasn't the point. The point was I wasn't committed to him or didn't care about us. He started throwing things. A glass, some books I had lying about and some picture frames. It was terrifying. I had never seen him this angry before and I just reverted back to what I used to do as a kid. Curl up. Cover yourself as much as you can. Stay quiet.

[00:16:25] Bless my roommates who came home during this fit. She brought the security guard because as she was walking in, she heard shouting and items breaking. My boyfriend was escorted out. As he left, I just screamed, don't come back. I hope it sticks. I've blocked his number and my landlady had been notified not to let him in. As have the guards. Next step is neighbors. I didn't really know what to do from here. I emailed my therapist. Hopefully she will let me come back.

[00:16:53] My mom is on the way over right now and my roommate is with me too. So terrified. I didn't realize how much control he had over me. I thought all his early behaviors was just because he had clingy issues from his own upbringing. I'm going to have a bath, relax, let my hair go curly again and cuddle my baby. I'm really glad Moomoo was in my room. Thank you all for the help. I didn't think any of this was wrong until you guys brought it up. I still love him and feel bad for him.

[00:17:20] He had a shit upbringing too and I'm sure he's messed up from it. But I'm going to try and move on. After my cat dies, I'm going to move out from this place to somewhere he doesn't know about. Thank you all again. Edit for everyone who wants to see Moomoo. And this is copied from another comment. I don't want to be identified in case anyone I know or in the future knows finds this. That's why I made a throwaway. As I do have a regular account. Imagine this. Pretty big tomcat, mainly white with three huge black spots on his back leg.

[00:17:49] And the side of his head. Minus the back right leg and yellow eyes. Eight year old me thought he looked like a cow. And cow's moo. Hence the name, Moomoo. He's pretty derpy, but he's mine. Edit 2. Move to tears again by all your comments. Thank you. I'm going to log off this account now and hopefully never have a reason to use it again. Azucar says, As distressing as it must have been for you. I'm glad he finally showed his true colors, but even more so that you're brave enough to end things for good.

[00:18:19] You're a strong woman and getting back to therapy will make you stronger and more aware of the intentions of any future abusers who may want to prey on you because of what you've been through. By the way, curly hair is gorgeous. Seriously, wear your curls with pride. Lemonhead says, Sorry you had to find out he sucks that way OP. Stick to your guns and don't let him back in. He's controlling and most likely would have become physical if not for your roommate coming. Don't let the sob story from him get to you.

[00:18:46] Who's trying to separate OP from Moomoo because they always try and take away our support systems. He couldn't stand there was anything you love more than him. Good riddance and stay strong OP. Malaki says, I'm pretty sure this comment will get lost among the others, but maybe you'll see it and I think you need all the support right now, no matter how small. I'm sure it's hard to let him go and you still love him. And it's not that you can fall out of love in a matter of seconds.

[00:19:12] But please, please, please stay strong and don't take him back under any circumstances. I'm sure you already know this as you seem like an extremely bright and sensible lady. Just, just maybe you need to read this in a weaker moment. Surround yourself with all the support you can. Family, friends, therapy, take legal action if needed. I don't care how shit his upbringing was. It might be a reason to be abusive, but never an excuse. Don't let his history repeat itself. Take care and cuddle your buddy.

[00:19:42] OP says thank you. My mom got here a while ago and she said the same thing. Don't end up like she did. It's scary how I almost went into the same cycle. I love him, but some of the things he screamed at me. I hate that cat. I'll kill him. Amongst others, scared me. I could never expose my cat to that. I wouldn't go back to someone who would hurt something so close to me. So six and a half years later, OP came in with an update. Says hi everyone. This is kind of crazy. I was on my regular Reddit account.

[00:20:11] I'm an avid follower of this subreddit. And I saw my own post on here. I thought I'd give some updates. Moomoo died around four months after this post. He was put down since his quality of life was declining rapidly. And while he could have lived maybe another three or four months, I didn't want that for him. He was in the last stages of kidney disease and needing so many drugs of subcutaneous hydration to just keep him going. I miss him every single day. I still have his ashes with me and I make sure to keep him in a sunbeam on my window.

[00:20:41] That was his favorite thing. Regarding my ex. The embarrassing part of it is, I still felt so badly for him for so long. His behavior wasn't okay. And I think that is true. Besides controlling my hair, he also pretty much decided everything in our relationship. What we did together. What we ate. Shows we watched. It seemed so small at the time. And him never wanting to go to places I picked or listened to the music I liked.

[00:21:11] He always had a reason at first. But then eventually it was just because he didn't want to do those things. And for some reason, I let that happen. I did try to go back to that therapist in the group. But even after I told her and them what happened, I felt unsafe being there. For the first few months, he would stake out my apartment and I couldn't trust he wasn't also following me to therapy. Maybe stakeout isn't the right word. But he would leave letters and packages and stuff outside my building. So, I knew he was there.

[00:21:40] Could be there at any time. Cops were not helpful since he never made himself known to me. Although my roommate swears she saw him a couple of times across the street. Basically just there to be careful. My therapist and I moved to phone calls for a while. I don't know if this will surprise anyone. But turns out ex-boyfriend was also into the no sugar. For a lot of our fights, I now think he was high for at least some of them. Especially the last blow up. He ended up getting in a fight with some dudes at a bar.

[00:22:09] And he was fucked up when booked. This was probably about a month or so after Mumu died. I broke my lease which my roommate who I still am friends with was really nice about. I moved back in with my mum. Lives in a different town for a few months before finding another job just one town over from her. This was her suggestion. She wanted to keep an eye on me and make sure I didn't let him back into my life. She was and is my rock to this day. He got out after only a few months for good behaviour.

[00:22:37] And while he didn't know where I lived, I'm extremely thankful for my mum. There were times where I would hear that this experience changed him. By people I knew. I would think maybe he has changed. Or so lonely without Mumu. My mum nipped those in the bud every time. She would ask me things like, Even if you go back, what then? You get married and have kids? Do you think you'd be a good father? It was sobering to think of what I experienced as a child being continued.

[00:23:05] Eventually, I steeled myself with the help of a new therapist. Suggested from my old one. And worked on my self-confidence a lot. About what I deserve. When COVID hit, I had a lot of time to kind of break down parts of my life I didn't before. I've tried being in relationships since. But there was this underlying feeling of stress in each one. About two years ago, I figured out I think I'm asexual. Well, sex was always so uncomfortable for me. Even when it was physically enjoyable, I never really wanted the act.

[00:23:35] I just assumed this was trauma and a fear of intimacy. That is what most people in therapists had told me. I'm currently in a relationship with a lovely person. And we're both asexual. We do kiss, but we rarely ever move beyond that. With them, there is no expectation for more. They are also from a less than happy childhood. They were in the foster system. But that isn't my story to share, so I won't. Just know that I'm happy. We've been together for a year and they are so considerate and kind.

[00:24:05] They bring me flowers at least once a month. And they make sure I can express myself. They encourage my interests and actually want to hear about them. Most of all, they love my curly hair. And they love cats. I never adopted another cat after Moo Moo. I think I was terrified for a long time that if I did, they could be used against me. My partner has two cats who I love. We're currently trying to work out moving in together. My place has a better location, but theirs is larger.

[00:24:32] We've decided to try and find a completely new place together that we can both agree on. But the process for rentals right now is horrid. There have been two places so far that we applied to and didn't get. Anyway, my life is going great. I still have lots of trauma that I live with, but I know I can get back up when I fall. I have people I love who also love me. I probably won't respond to any comments. And I'll most likely delete this account in a few days. I don't need it anymore.

[00:24:59] But before I did, I thought leaving one last update was called for. Thank you for all your kind words and helping me find confidence to get out of that relationship. Much love to everyone. And I think it's nice to hear, like, after those initial posts that OP is doing much better now. You know, rest in peace, Mumu, of course. It sounds like he was absolutely, incredibly loved. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:25:27] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

[00:25:42] Take care and much love.