Brother-In-Law Is Insisting I Wear His Wifes Wedding Dress To My Wedding r/Relationships

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[00:00:53] Today's first story comes from a throwaway account who says, I'm IVR Sol for refusing

[00:00:58] to wear my sister-in-law's wedding dress to my wedding.

[00:01:02] I 23 female and get married to my fiancee 24 male in a month.

[00:01:07] He has an identical twin brother with whom he's keeping a bit of distance with because

[00:01:11] of his past possessive behavior of wanting to share everything with each other from

[00:01:16] interests, hobbies and even friends.

[00:01:19] His brother got a look to his wife, 27 female and even suggested to my fiancee to do the same

[00:01:25] on the same day as him.

[00:01:26] But of course he shut that down quickly as we both agreed on having a wedding already.

[00:01:32] However, I ended up being contacted by my fiance's brother requesting me to wear his

[00:01:37] wife's wedding dress from their elopement to my wedding which I obviously turned down.

[00:01:43] Telling him that I've already got a specific wedding dress on my mind, he dropped the

[00:01:47] subject and for two weeks I didn't hear about it again.

[00:01:51] So I thought that was the end of it.

[00:01:54] But yesterday my fiancee's brother and his wife showed up at our house, uninvited may

[00:01:58] I add, got up sister-in-law's wedding dress and then literally asked me to try it out

[00:02:03] right here and they'd make adjustments if the size doesn't fit.

[00:02:08] Thank God my husband stepped in and kicked them both out of our house.

[00:02:13] Even though it did end up with a really big argument between my fiancee and his

[00:02:16] brother, I got contacted again later on by my brother-in-law who said that my inability

[00:02:22] to make any compromises in order for his and his brother's wedding experiences to

[00:02:26] be intertwined is straining their relationship.

[00:02:30] Honestly, at this point I'm getting the creeps from brother-in-law and my guts telling

[00:02:35] me that him and sister-in-law may attempt to sabotage our wedding out of revenge and

[00:02:39] even my husband agrees with a sentiment.

[00:02:42] I'm now strongly considering to uninvite both my brother-in-law and sister-in-law from

[00:02:47] our wedding.

[00:02:48] But, my husband's still a bit reluctant to do it yet because the inevitable drama it

[00:02:53] will cause with his family.

[00:02:54] And I, the arsehole.

[00:02:57] And of course after this when I was left with a question, why?

[00:03:01] Why do they want you to be wearing this dress?

[00:03:04] Absolutely not the arsehole in the situation and like yourself I would be thinking

[00:03:08] Do I actually want these people at my wedding because that behaviour is so ridiculous that

[00:03:13] you know, you'd never know what they might do next.

[00:03:15] And as always I have to say I think my judgement may be tainted by the amount of stories I

[00:03:21] read, you know people getting involved in other people's weddings, people ruining

[00:03:25] weddings, getting up, making a scene, you know that's always in my head when I'm

[00:03:29] thinking about these situations which may not be the case but with the behaviour

[00:03:34] we've already seen within this post it does make me worry.

[00:03:38] But again I hope at some point in this update we're going to find out the exact reason why.

[00:03:43] So some people make some comments with OP responding, proud ad says

[00:03:48] I'm imagining sister-in-law showing up to wedding in her wedding dress wanting pictures

[00:03:52] with the groom.

[00:03:53] OP says not gonna lie my sister-in-law showing up in her wedding dress to my wedding is

[00:03:58] one of the things I fear may happen especially after she made a comment about her dress

[00:04:02] looking too good to be used only once.

[00:04:05] Seriously currency says not the arsehole, your fiance and brother-in-law are not five

[00:04:09] anymore but they have to wear matching outfits and share toys.

[00:04:13] This is you in your fiance's wedding, not your brother and sister-in-law, they have

[00:04:17] their day, you have yours the way you both want without your brother-in-law inserting

[00:04:21] himself.

[00:04:22] Either way, what does your mother-in-law stance on this?

[00:04:26] OP says according to my fiance, the mum always found it adorable how his brother

[00:04:31] wanted to share and do everything together with him when they were children.

[00:04:35] And I don't think that stance from her has changed especially because my fiance is sure

[00:04:40] she'd completely object to him uninviting his brother from his wedding if it gets there.

[00:04:45] Good ad says compromises, what compromises?

[00:04:48] Your wedding is between you and your future husband.

[00:04:51] Your brother-in-law is delusional for thinking he has a say in your wedding, not the

[00:04:56] arsehole.

[00:04:57] OP responds saying he wants my fiance to have a similar wedding experience as him at any

[00:05:02] cost.

[00:05:03] He even tried to guilt-trip us about the dress thing by saying he already accepted we

[00:05:07] want a wedding instead of a loping like them.

[00:05:10] His entitlement is honestly getting out of hand at this point.

[00:05:14] An active perspective says what do their parents think of this whole thing?

[00:05:17] This sounds so bizarre.

[00:05:19] OP says my fiance told me that whenever he brought it up to his parents how some

[00:05:23] of his brother's behavior makes him uncomfortable.

[00:05:26] When they were teens, they just told him that it's normal for twins to want to be close

[00:05:29] to each other and that he should be glad his brother loves him so much.

[00:05:33] So for them, this is just normal twins behavior.

[00:05:37] The living assumptions there's not the arsehole.

[00:05:40] This is incredibly bizarre behavior and there must be mental health issues involved.

[00:05:45] Your brother-in-law needs therapy.

[00:05:47] Your fiance needs to talk to his brother and if he can't get through you may

[00:05:51] want to go no contact.

[00:05:52] Maria Gorgon says not the arsehole.

[00:05:54] This is super creepy.

[00:05:56] Like brother-in-law needs to learn to be his own person and let your fiance be his

[00:06:00] own person too.

[00:06:01] Set these boundaries now and set them firmly.

[00:06:04] If you decide to invite them to the wedding, I get a couple of friends you

[00:06:07] trust to watch them and prevent any insanity.

[00:06:10] A friend invited her dad to her wedding.

[00:06:13] He was not on good terms with much of the family and had caused drama in

[00:06:16] the past and had me and my two brothers stick by him all night and

[00:06:20] keep him out of trouble.

[00:06:21] Luckily there wasn't any but I strongly suspect this is because he knew we

[00:06:25] were babysitting him.

[00:06:26] The OP comes in with their update and says,

[00:06:29] Okay, so a lot has happened in these past two days.

[00:06:32] So to summarize, me and my fiance decided to un-invite brother-in-law

[00:06:36] and sister-in-law from our wedding.

[00:06:38] Neither me or my fiance trust them to not cause a scene at the wedding.

[00:06:42] My fiance already had a very strained relationship with his twin brother,

[00:06:45] including recent conflicts that include his brother trying to convince

[00:06:48] him to cancel our wedding and instead have us alope on the same day as

[00:06:51] him and his wife.

[00:06:53] My fiance not having his twin the best man at his wedding.

[00:06:56] We told the fiance's parents about this incident and it was a mixed bag.

[00:07:00] On one hand they agreed with us that my fiance's brother went too far for

[00:07:04] this whole twin thing this time.

[00:07:06] They also begged my fiance not to disinvite his twin brother from his

[00:07:09] wedding as it would irreversibly destroy their relationship and

[00:07:13] they could talk to him to tone down his behavior.

[00:07:16] However, my fiance told them he was always tired of having to keep the

[00:07:19] peace and that inviting his brother to our wedding would only cause him

[00:07:22] unnecessary stress while not fixing any of the actual issues.

[00:07:26] So he's going to keep his distance from him from now on.

[00:07:30] He also told his parents that we're gonna hire security at our wedding

[00:07:33] and to not try to help brother-in-law and sister-in-law sneak in.

[00:07:36] Otherwise it also have to escort them as well.

[00:07:40] My fiance's mom literally threw a tantrum over this decision

[00:07:44] and outright blamed me for trying to break up their twin relationship.

[00:07:48] Thankfully my fiance stood up for me and told her that his brother is the only

[00:07:52] one responsible for breaking up any relationship and that if she keeps

[00:07:56] talking to me like that she'd be free to join him and his wife on the

[00:07:59] blacklist of the security guard from our wedding.

[00:08:01] Surprisingly, my fiance's dad took our side and scolded his mom as well

[00:08:06] and both of them managed to get it to apologize to me

[00:08:08] except my fiance's decision.

[00:08:11] However it's safe to say I'm not a favorite person anymore.

[00:08:14] Today I received a new message from my future brother-in-law and it wasn't pretty.

[00:08:20] I don't know if I can even share everything here but he sent me a long text

[00:08:23] message where he called me, among other things, a worthless slur that I

[00:08:28] appraise each day that my future children and his brother will be miscarried.

[00:08:33] I showed my fiance his text and he was absolutely enraged.

[00:08:38] He immediately called his brother and that convo it wasn't pretty either.

[00:08:42] This time it was from my fiance's side.

[00:08:45] He called his brother names, curses and threatened to call the police on him

[00:08:48] if he ever dares to contact him or me in any way shape or form.

[00:08:53] All while I could clearly hear his brother sobbing on the phone.

[00:08:57] Both of us ended up blocking him on all social medias

[00:09:00] not before taking screenshots of the message to have proof for the police

[00:09:03] in case it gets there.

[00:09:05] And now my fiance is planning to change our locks and even install cameras.

[00:09:09] We never gave his brother a key but my fiance doesn't want to risk it regardless.

[00:09:13] We also blocked sister-in-law after she made comments on my social medias

[00:09:17] where she also called me a slur whose only purpose in life is to break up families.

[00:09:22] We talked with my fiance's parents about these comments and

[00:09:24] while his father said he had tried to convince brother-in-law to get into therapy

[00:09:28] as he finally seems to recognize his behaviour as unhinged.

[00:09:31] His mother said that she thinks it was just a drunken comment from him

[00:09:35] and that he's just hurt and confused over his brother's decision to remove him from his life.

[00:09:40] And frankly, I could tell that she was subtly trying to pin this on me too.

[00:09:44] But I don't think she had the courage to do it openly in front of her son and husband.

[00:09:49] So to wrap this up, we're still gonna have our wedding

[00:09:51] but we're gonna have to spend even more money for correction security

[00:09:55] both for the wedding and our home.

[00:09:58] And it only took for over half my fiance's close family to start hating my guts.

[00:10:03] And that was OP's last post on the matter and

[00:10:06] simply there's no coming back from what was said, is there?

[00:10:11] There's no way you're gonna want them at your wedding at all after they're willing to say that

[00:10:15] but I can't help but feel like some of the comments were saying that

[00:10:18] there's more going on in the background maybe mental health-wise or what.

[00:10:22] I'm not excusing the behaviour as always, is never an excuse.

[00:10:25] And I hope that the dad does stick to his word and tries to get him some sort of professional help

[00:10:31] because the alternative is that he carries on down this path which isn't good for anybody.

[00:10:37] But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys.

[00:10:39] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:10:43] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:10:46] Let's move on to another story.

[00:10:55] Well, Hello Fresh is your guilt-free dream come true baby.

[00:10:59] It's me, Gigi Palmer.

[00:11:01] Let's wake up those taste buds with hot juicy pecan crusted chicken or garlic butter shrimp scampi.

[00:11:07] Hello Fresh.

[00:11:10] Stop dreaming of all the delicious possibilities and dig in at HelloFresh.com.

[00:11:16] Let's get this dinner party started.

[00:11:25] And this story comes from Chipmunk Under Jures who from the true of my chest subreddit and says,

[00:11:52] My partner's family's financial situation is hard for me to swallow.

[00:11:56] I love my partner very much.

[00:11:58] We were planning to get married this year.

[00:12:01] I don't believe that is feasible anymore.

[00:12:03] Their family recently had a major financial crisis.

[00:12:07] They're originally quite wealthy and are used to a high standard of living so this was a big shock to all of them.

[00:12:13] My partner is now the sold red winner.

[00:12:16] I am all for supporting their family through this and I would love to be there for my partner but I'm having a hard time agreeing with some of their choices.

[00:12:25] For example, my partner would rather sacrifice all of his assets and money than have his family downsize theirs.

[00:12:31] I feel as though they should sell their mansion and many luxury cars that have a high cost of upkeep.

[00:12:37] Something more affordable.

[00:12:39] Profits would help them get by for a while too.

[00:12:42] I can't bring myself to say this to my partner because I don't want to seem unsupportive.

[00:12:47] All of this makes me very very sad for our future.

[00:12:50] I know it sounds selfish and shallow but I was looking forward to having a good life with my partner.

[00:12:56] Now I feel like I either have to put that life on hold for the unforeseeable future.

[00:13:01] We don't know how long it will take for the financial crisis to resolve.

[00:13:05] It might never and they might be financially dependent of my partner for a while

[00:13:09] or be the one to finance everything which is not the life I want.

[00:13:15] Sure for a few months, a year I could pay for all our dates and trips just so that we could still enjoy our life.

[00:13:21] But then what?

[00:13:22] Will I truly be able to say that I don't mind giving up on the life that I want just so that someone else can live theirs?

[00:13:29] I don't know.

[00:13:31] Maybe I'm a bad partner for saying all of this but for now I'll keep this secret on Reddit

[00:13:35] and go group my partner with a smile because I love them and they're a really good person.

[00:13:40] Even if this time I have to shoulder the cost of them being a good person.

[00:13:45] I think it's one thing to help family who's really struggling and you know trying to help themselves in whatever way they can

[00:13:52] but you mentioned about them downsizing and you know getting rid of some of the luxury cars that they have

[00:13:59] which makes total sense to me.

[00:14:02] If you can't afford the lifestyle you have then you have to downsize it's just logical right?

[00:14:09] As sad and as hard as that may be if you're used to a certain lifestyle these things have to happen

[00:14:15] and I believe that they have to make these decisions first before you start propping up the lifestyle that they currently have

[00:14:20] because I think like you, I'd be able to do this for a certain while but I wouldn't want this speed to be our indefinite future here.

[00:14:29] And if you're thinking about the long term future your partner sacrificing all of his assets and money you know is affecting your life as well

[00:14:35] you're likely having to prop up everything else obviously I don't know the ins and outs of everything but that's the way it feels.

[00:14:42] But down the man says to OP you're not a bad person for deciding one way or another now.

[00:14:48] You might not be a great person if you know this is not what you want and still go through with it and then leave down the line.

[00:14:54] I know you said you might be able to pay for dates for a few months or so but I'm wondering what else you'll be bringing to the table financially.

[00:15:01] What are you just looking forward to your partner bringing in the biggest part of the cake?

[00:15:05] OP says, I make more money than my partner and have always contributed more.

[00:15:09] I bought my studio apartment so I pay for the mortgage.

[00:15:13] I don't currently live with me because of work but my apartment will basically be our starter home.

[00:15:19] We were both starting to save for the wedding and a bigger home together.

[00:15:22] They've already given their half of the savings to their family.

[00:15:26] So now all we have is my contributions.

[00:15:29] So it's not like I'm not giving, it's just that now my partner won't be able to.

[00:15:34] But I don't think I'm disappointed because they won't be able to afford the big things

[00:15:38] because those are easier to tackle.

[00:15:41] Can't afford a wedding, postpone it but I think what hurts is knowing that because they're on money saving mode

[00:15:47] they don't have money to waste on silly things like nice meals or fun activities that we wanted to do.

[00:15:53] So I'd either have to adapt my lifestyle or be the one to finance it, which is fine for now but

[00:15:59] undesirable long term as it basically makes me a sole breadwinner of a two-income household.

[00:16:06] Another commenter says, it sounds like his family and you two should try to reduce costs of living

[00:16:10] to improve your financial situations.

[00:16:12] Please talk with your fiancee about this.

[00:16:15] Enabling their spending habits won't help in the long run if they aren't able to recover their wealth.

[00:16:20] Everyone has to learn to live within their means.

[00:16:23] OP says thank you.

[00:16:25] I give them time to process everything before I try to talk to them.

[00:16:28] I don't want them to feel like I didn't support them helping their family.

[00:16:32] So OP does come in with an update and says a few days ago I made a post on how my partner was

[00:16:38] making bad decisions on their finances to support their family's very privileged lifestyle.

[00:16:44] I've since talked to them and I'm glad I did.

[00:16:47] Turns out my partner didn't really want to do a lot of it but their parents have been pressuring

[00:16:51] them, hounding them every day, attempting to guilt them through cryingjags on the phone

[00:16:56] so that they would take out 100k loan on their behalf.

[00:16:59] They can't take out the loan themselves because the dad hasn't worked in 20 years

[00:17:03] and the mum has not worked her whole life.

[00:17:06] They've been living off of investments they lucked out on but has since caused them issues.

[00:17:11] My partner has a sister who doesn't work and isn't in college.

[00:17:15] The reason she was recovering from a skin condition is that college isn't too much

[00:17:21] of a priority for her. I'm so pissed at these people.

[00:17:26] My partner hasn't been eating much besides instant noodles and a week old leftovers

[00:17:31] while their family still has enough money for groceries and proper meals.

[00:17:35] Like that's so effed up. Your child is starving themselves to support your privileged ass who

[00:17:41] cannot accept that most people have to work for a living. Your child is working their ass off

[00:17:46] for their living. How could you do that to your child? Like get a job, sell your luxury items,

[00:17:53] sell your cars, your multi-million house. Not go on that overseas trip for the mum's

[00:17:59] birthday when you knew your savings was running out. How could you ask your child to sell

[00:18:03] their car? Take care of it alone for you. Unless it was the absolute last resort.

[00:18:09] How could you guilt trip them this way? What shitty selfish parents. The house has too many

[00:18:15] emotional attachments. The dad's ego would be bruised from feeling like he's taking back

[00:18:20] things he gave his family. Lol, this family is so unhinged. Sure they're nice people

[00:18:27] but how nice can you be if you would do this to your child? I'm so pissed I've been

[00:18:32] buying my partner food, treating them to nice meals, buying them flowers when they are with me so

[00:18:38] that they still get to enjoy their life and have moments of happiness. I'm happy to do this for

[00:18:43] my partner but fuck the family for putting both me and my partner in this position.

[00:18:48] Though some people were asking AP some questions below that someone said what's a long-term

[00:18:52] plan here? How are you going to save for retirement? How are you going to save for

[00:18:56] children if you decide to have them? For a house or unexpected medical bills?

[00:19:02] I know it's cliche but you don't have just an in-law problem, you have an SO problem,

[00:19:06] this isn't sustainable. Opus is honestly I don't know. My partner has been in a bad state since

[00:19:12] shit hit the fans so I've been focusing on short term and just making sure they're okay.

[00:19:17] Medium slash long term wise? I know I'll be fine. I make decent income, I own my apartment.

[00:19:23] Still on mortgage though and I don't plan on getting pregos anytime soon. I have an IUD

[00:19:29] so low chance of any accidents as well. We both have pretty comprehensive insurance from work.

[00:19:34] Basically we would survive but it wouldn't be the life we worked hard for and deserve and can afford

[00:19:39] if it wasn't for this. I hate them for trying to rob us of that life. Commercial loans says AOP

[00:19:46] what are you going to do once you're married and your SO drains your money to give it to

[00:19:50] your in-laws? Speaking from experience that will inevitably happen since you're ignoring his

[00:19:55] enabling behaviour. There's something you need to understand. Your in-laws are at fault but the one

[00:20:01] robbing you of that life is your SO. Opus says first of all thank you for your comment. I took a few

[00:20:08] days to think about it. I don't think I will marry him until this specific matter is resolved and

[00:20:13] even if it does then we get married I will insist on a prenup and ensure that my finances

[00:20:18] and our collective finances will not be at the mercy of his family. Froggy McNalsy says

[00:20:24] you don't want to hear this but you need to divorce him. He took a massive loan out which they will

[00:20:28] never pay back and that is going to fall on you. You need to protect yourself. Your partner has no

[00:20:34] business dragging you into this nonsense and making you partially liable for whatever the fuck-ups they

[00:20:38] get into. If something happens to him then you still owe the debt. Looking to legal options.

[00:20:45] OP says he's not taking out the loan yet. He does not want to. This has been his standing

[00:20:50] ground with his parents over the past few days. I don't know if he will eventually cave or if he

[00:20:55] will stand up to his parents and put an end to this but I reckon this will be the point that determines

[00:21:00] the rest of the outcome. I refuse to marry him if the loan exists. If he ends up taking out the

[00:21:06] loan he will need to be paid off prior to marriage but even given that I don't know if I can

[00:21:10] forgive and still marry him knowing that what could have been our savings went into paying

[00:21:15] the loan instead. I think marriage would only still be on the table if the loan was paid

[00:21:19] off by his family or if they reimbursed him for the amount. Either way, resolved or not,

[00:21:25] a prenup is definitely mandatory for me now. Even before everything happened I wanted one

[00:21:30] but now it's non-negotiable. I think starting off I think I have to say that partner needs some

[00:21:37] kind of therapy to disconnect himself from his family who's treating him this way. If I was OP

[00:21:44] and it may seem extreme to some I think I'll be taking a step back from this relationship

[00:21:49] as the guy is seriously considering getting a 100k loan on behalf of his selfish family.

[00:21:55] Do you imagine asking your child to take out a 100k loan while they're still trying to live

[00:22:03] this luxury lifestyle while your child is struggling to feed themselves but ultimately

[00:22:09] this is going to have and is having a knock-on effect right now on OP and if he doesn't

[00:22:15] realise this, if he doesn't take a step back and say yeah my family's treating me like shit,

[00:22:21] this is your future. Sure OP says that they can get a prenup if he does take out this loan etc etc

[00:22:28] but that's still going to affect your life even if you're not paying for this loan you're

[00:22:34] going to be paying for it in other ways and I wouldn't want to be propping up their lifestyle

[00:22:39] in any way shape or form especially when they're not helping themselves. But now I'm going to

[00:22:44] turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this situation? What would you do in OP shoes?

[00:22:51] Do you think this is a relationship that you can still build on or could you see the end of the

[00:22:56] line here? Let us know your thoughts and just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for

[00:23:00] getting involved in today's stories. You'll love your support, your time always means the

[00:23:05] absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I see you in the next one.

[00:23:10] Take care and much love.

[00:23:40] Have a catch of self-eating the same flavorless dinner three days in a row dreaming of something better?

[00:23:49] Well hello fresh is your guilt-free dream come true baby. It's me, Gigi Palmer. Let's wake up

[00:23:55] those taste buds with hot juicy pecan crusted chicken or garlic butter shrimp scampi. Hello fresh.

[00:24:03] Stop dreaming of all the delicious possibilities and dig in at HelloFresh.com. Let's get this dinner party started.