Bridezilla Is Claiming I'm RUINING Her Shower After I Paid And Planned It All r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories and if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that like subscribe maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:17] story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from DowntownMind321 from the Bridezilla's subreddit and says Bride said I'm ruining her shower which I'm paying for and also planning like it's my second job. What the title says, I've been spending hours every day leading

[00:00:39] the planning on this shower which myself and the other bridesmaids are paying for even though it's 6 months away because the bride is hounding us to get everything done ASAP. The kind of hounding that makes you want to just do something so the person shuts up.

[00:00:55] Today the bride told another bridesmaid that me asking her for the guest list was asking her to do the work for the shower and she shouldn't have to do anything but show up and enjoy it.

[00:01:05] She does not speak to her future mother in law and she's currently in an argument with her own mother and doesn't want her involved. The guest list is the only thing we need from

[00:01:13] her outside of when we asked her to confirm she was free for the date we picked. The first part of this post was obviously quite small but the second update is a lot bigger. Birdie says bro bail don't get stuck in the sunk cost fallacy on this one.

[00:01:32] Kate Pig says why does anyone put up with entitled nonsense like this? I'd say I think what you're telling me is you don't want a bridal shower because that's what's going to happen without you getting off your lazy ass and giving me a guest list.

[00:01:45] So quit playing princess of the universe and get busy. And for me I'd love to know the story building up to this. How did you become friends with this person? How did you become the person to set up the bridal shower in the first

[00:01:59] place? The fact that she's talking behind your back saying that you asking for the guest list was asking her to do the work for the shower is ridiculous and not any way you would ever treat a friend. I mean the entitlement is just bizarre.

[00:02:13] But one and a half months later OP comes in with the update and says everyone who said things would get worse was correct. I'm not proud of how things ended but I'm relieved. Things came to a head because one of the other bridesmaids apparently decided to take on

[00:02:28] the role of informant and send screenshots of everything we said in the shower planning group text to the bride, including what our shower budget was. I did not give the bride a direct answer when she asked about it. I said it was a modest budget but enough for

[00:02:41] it to be a nice day because 1. It was definitely a financial inconvenience for a few bridesmaids and I was hopeful we could come in under budget and possibly save everyone some money. 2. The bride was flip flopping a lot on wanting a shower even when planning was underway,

[00:02:58] saying how much she wanted one but that she didn't want to put anyone out or cost us money because she couldn't take feeling guilty. I had to talk her down from calling it off several times and was worried that she would object to us spending that much

[00:03:12] and say she wanted to cancel again. 3. The shower is a gift from the bridal party to the bride and I don't think it's fair to ask how much a gift costs. When we first started planning we had $1,700 for everything. Everyone put in what they

[00:03:27] could with zero expectations and the amounts ranged from $50 to $500 anonymously. The bride wanted 40 guests and to do an ice cream themed brunch with a sundae bar and play lots of games. She was very clear about not wanting her mom involved. The shower was scheduled

[00:03:45] for August so we needed it to be indoors and air conditioned but no one has a house big enough for 40 so we needed a venue rental. 40 people? The bride had given a short list of places she had thought of such as elk clubs, VFWs

[00:04:02] etc. I was on venue duty in addition to helping the maid of honor with the general organization and mobilization of 8 bridesmaids in 4 states and 2 countries who didn't really know each other and it was challenging. Even a lot of VFW type places were $700 plus just for the

[00:04:20] space. I thought of doing a restaurant event room but most places were coming in around at $40 per head and many of them said we could not bring in ice cream. Others were not handicap accessible, others more expensive on Saturdays, others had guest minimums. In the end I talked

[00:04:38] to several dozen venues, places don't respond immediately. There was follow up and dead ends so it was a lot of work on top of talking things through with the maid of honor and

[00:04:47] engaging with a regular bridal chat. I was getting a lot of pressure from the bride to get something booked so I ended up booking one of the veteran halls she had mentioned that recently had a total renovation and looked really nice in photos. It was $100 per

[00:05:01] hour so the maid of honor and I agreed to do a 4 hour rental and put the deposit on my credit card. The bride seemed happy when I told her the venue was booked and said thank

[00:05:11] you. After this the brides mom offered to pay for the venue and the bride told me to let her do so, so her mom mailed me a check and I thought we were over the hump on any

[00:05:21] drama around the shower. The maid of honor was working on the food estimate and coordinating directly with the bride. In this time the informant texted us and asked if the budget we had was the budget for both the shower and bachelorette. I said it wasn't initially

[00:05:36] but we could poll the group about if they wanted to leave any leftovers in the pot for the bachelorette and she said that sounded good. This was a couple of weeks ago. Since then things have been a little stressful. The bride was unhappy that people weren't

[00:05:51] texting her back and sent some pretty aggro texts last weekend about how we're all causing her stress, she doesn't need and that we're rude and don't respect her. When pressed a few people said they couldn't keep up with all the texts. There were 10 of us. This

[00:06:05] group text for an October 2024 wedding started in June 2023 and I think people are burnt out already. Yesterday the bride passive aggressively put a reel in her Instagram stories about how Bryce Mays needs help and wrote LOL over it. We are 35.

[00:06:24] Last night the maid of honor had the finalized food plan. If we did grocery store catering platters we could feed everyone out, say a main, a salad, two sides and two desserts, one being sundae bar. There's several different non-alcoholic drink options for $650. Having

[00:06:42] that information I sent out a text to the other bridesmaids with an overall budget update and some general guidance on how to spend what we had left. $650 for food, $100 for invitations, $200 for favors etc. At the end of that update I said that even if we maxed

[00:06:58] out we'd still have $200 left over but we'd probably have more. Everyone give a thumbs up or raise concerns. Most people gave a quick thumbs up but the informant said we're spending too much and that the bride was expecting us to have more than $200 left over. That

[00:07:16] last part definitely rubbed me the wrong way but in the spirit of being agreeable I said that to get a better sense of costs everyone could do an estimate for what they thought they'd need for their respective tasks and then report back in two weeks, which they

[00:07:30] said sounded good. Today I woke up after updating my phone operating system last night to a bunch of text notifications with the name of the venue in them. My phone did that thing where you just see a number

[00:07:41] but no name. There are at least 6 of them. When I unlocked they were all gone. I posted in the group chat without the bride asking if someone had texted me about the venue and the informant said she was pretty sure the venue didn't have air conditioning and apparently

[00:07:56] there had been a lot of heated convos around that. I told everyone which venue I booked several weeks ago when I did it so not sure why it was only coming up today. I was already

[00:08:07] planning on going to the venue today to take pics, to help the person decorating and to put the rest of the money down. So I said I'd confirm air conditioning 100% but was pretty sure I'd ask before booking. My blood pressure was way up already starting my day

[00:08:23] with more shower drama so I decided to call the venue before driving all the way there, a 40 minute drive and confirm about the air conditioning in case I had somehow messed that up. I hadn't.

[00:08:35] While on the phone with the venue I got a text from an unfamiliar number which ended up being the brides mum saying the informant told them I was going to the venue and the

[00:08:45] bride was with them. They wanted to know what time I was going so they could meet me. At that point I told the other brides maids I had confirmed the venue had air conditioning

[00:08:54] but that because there were concerns I wasn't going to put the rest of the money down until we were sure we wanted it and that I would call the bride to discuss. When I called the

[00:09:02] bride I could tell right away that she was pissed. I asked her what was going on and she said she heard the venue had air conditioning so that was good. Word of that had miraculously

[00:09:12] travelled in less than 5 minutes. She asked if I was going to the venue and I said I wasn't going to drive all the way there to take pictures and pay if she no longer wanted the venue.

[00:09:22] She scolded me saying there's a better way to do things, other people live closer and I don't need to be driving to the venue to take pictures. Then she told me she's been

[00:09:30] trying very hard to be patient with me but that she shouldn't have to be unhappy about her own bridal shower. That was the first thing I heard about her not liking the venue. It

[00:09:39] had even been on her list. Her tone was very indignant and patronizing. I seriously felt like 2 cents. I asked her why she was unhappy and she said that the food the maid of honor

[00:09:50] had planned was not nice enough, that she heard we were spending $650 just on food and because her mum had paid for the venue we should be able to pay for the food plus everything else needed for the shower, meaning invitations, favours, decorations, game prizes, plates and

[00:10:07] utensils etc. With $650 there would be more left over. I was so taken aback and overwhelmed I honestly started to cry a little and told her I've tried to plan to give her a nice

[00:10:20] day with the information I had at the time, that she didn't want to be involved in planning, that she didn't want her mum involved, she wanted to do Sundays and games and I was trying

[00:10:29] to work with what we had and what she wanted. When I tried to defend myself she said, do not talk to me this way every time I talked to you and started lambasting me. That's where

[00:10:40] I honestly don't remember too much else because I finally snapped and said, okay I'm done I'm pulling out of this wedding. She kept yelling at me so I yelled I'm done again and

[00:10:51] hung up. She called me back immediately a few times and I declined. I texted her reiterating that I was done, that I just wanted to give her a nice day but that I clearly do not have

[00:11:00] the capacity to show up like she needs a bridesmaid to show up, though it's in everyone's best interest for me to drop out. She texted me that I should have a conversation like

[00:11:10] an adult. Cheeky bastard. I sent her the money her mum had sent me back on Venmo and told her I'd done so. She called me over and over in rapid succession and I finally blocked her.

[00:11:23] So that was it. Not my finest moment but I was definitely in fight or flight and I don't owe it to anyone to get on the phone with them so they can berate and tone police me.

[00:11:33] I text the maid of honor just to give her a heads up that I'm out of the wedding and she told me the bride had called her right after and that she wants her shower at a restaurant

[00:11:42] now and that she was expecting to have a conversation about how we're spending money. Our money. I was ready to eat the non-refundable portion of the deposit but the woman at the venue

[00:11:51] felt so bad for me that I'm getting it back. I was also supposed to be doing her wedding makeup and she was pushing back on needing to buy her own foundation so I wish whoever

[00:12:01] inherits that task luck. I will never be a bridesmaid again after this. I wish I had just listened to my gut and everyone who told me to bow out gracefully weeks ago because

[00:12:10] maybe things could have been salvaged but now I don't see we ever come back from this or know if I even want to. Update. She texts my husband saying that there is a big disconnect here but I'm clearly

[00:12:23] not okay in a deep way and she hopes I can find my way to okay soon. It's truly impressive that someone can be that sanctimonious about me, not wanting to be yelled at, taken for granted and shit talked.

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[00:14:27] 16car says $1,700 for a bridal shower is absolutely insane. Opie says she didn't ask us to spend that much, it was how much we had after everyone chipped in. There were 9 bridesmaids altogether

[00:14:44] before I dropped out and we were not planning on spending all of it. The maid of honor realistically thought food would be closer to $450 but we thought we should buffer to be safe in case something fell through or we forgot something etc. The bride just wanted

[00:14:57] what we did spend to be done in a way that she approved of. Opie gives some information on ending her friendship with the bride and says it's honestly been pretty lousy seeing that such a long time friend. 21 years! Wow, I defaulted to

[00:15:13] finding fault with everything I did and talking about me with others, as if everything I was doing was not for her. This has been so much work, it was going to cost money, it didn't

[00:15:23] benefit me personally at all except that I wanted my friend to have a really nice event that she didn't have to worry, I checked off the list of things she wanted. But I'm

[00:15:32] not even upset about that, I'm upset that she was so nasty to me and talked down to me like I was nothing more than an idiot who was ruining everything. And on top of it,

[00:15:41] she attacked my mental health to my husband, which was just cruel and unnecessary. I can only imagine what she is saying about me to other people, but I don't care. And Blue Crew says you took your money back from the budget right, so it should be less

[00:15:55] than $1700 budget now. Opie says the only money I put down was a deposit, so I'm not out anything once I get the refund. What is it about weddings and certain events that turns people like this? Surely, I mean

[00:16:12] she might have, Opie said she was friends with this person for 21 years prior. A long time friend, you would assume they were close, that they had a good relationship. Maybe they didn't, maybe there were signs before this, surely there had to be signs. I just find

[00:16:28] the switch when a wedding starts happening absolutely insane. To talk to someone who is supposedly meant to be your friend in this way, to treat them this way is wild. I'm trying to put myself in Brides position and I got a group of people who's trying to

[00:16:45] set up an event for me. I should be thankful that they're doing that in themselves, that they're taking the time out of their day, their own money, which I wouldn't be able

[00:16:52] to deal with in myself. That's just too much for me, you know, I'll pay for the bridal shower. I'm just thankful that you're taking the time out of your day to be able to do that.

[00:17:02] The entitlement is absolutely wild and I find it particularly wild at the same time. I know the whole thing is crazy, but the way that she did attack OP's mental health to her

[00:17:14] husband at the end, almost like I'm not the bad guy here, but you know, you best check on your wife because something's not quite right the way she acted after what this bride

[00:17:23] put her through. Nasty piece of work, honestly. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments

[00:17:34] below. And let's move on to another story from imaginarymammoth8643 and says, am I the asshole for failing to stop my mother-in-law buying landfill for my kids at a fun fair? Just to warn you, this one doesn't have an update as yet. I went to a local fun fair

[00:17:52] with my kids and mother-in-law. We decided to walk around looking at all the rides before deciding what to go on. Mother-in-law had forgone their wallet so it would be me buying any rides. This let me relax about the sometimes tricky dynamic of who is paying for what.

[00:18:08] As we walked past a prize store, pay money to win a prize, mother-in-law commented in shock at the high price and I agreed. At the next ride my husband joined us. He and I were chatting when we noticed that mother-in-law had gone back to the previous prize store

[00:18:23] with the kids. He asked urgently what I had agreed with her about that store and I, slightly confused at his urgency, remembered we had both thought it was overpriced. I knew she

[00:18:34] didn't have money on her so I assumed they had just gone back to look. We have disagreed with mother-in-law many times about her excessive, in our view, gifts for the kids. Each visit

[00:18:45] she buys toys which soon get discarded or more sweets and snacks than the kids can eat. This is important to us because a. we want to teach the kids moderation and value rather than excessive disposable expenditure. b. we are worried about the environment and the

[00:19:01] excess of toys contributes to landfill. c. while she has the right to use her money, the amount spent on this stuff feels wasteful when it could be used for more lasting things for kids. Back to the funfair. My husband insisted I

[00:19:16] tell him what I had agreed with mother-in-law. We hadn't agreed anything I told him. We agreed it was priced too high. I then noticed she had taken out her phone to pay using her

[00:19:25] contactless payment. Husband said he didn't want her buying it and I said he should go tell her. He insisted he didn't want to do that before finding out what I had agreed

[00:19:35] with her. I told him if he could see what was happening he should go and stop her. By now it was finished and I said look it's done now it's her money to spend and if she wants

[00:19:45] to have fun with the kids by spending £15 on a prize stall that's up to her. And that I hadn't agreed anything with her as I believed she had forgotten her wallet. After we got

[00:19:56] home he picked a huge fight with me, telling me he was really distressed by landfill of the prizes, the toys already falling apart and the repeated messages he's kind of spending said and said to the kids about the value of things. His main complaint at me is that

[00:20:11] when we first saw the stall before he joined us, he insisted I should have told mother-in-law not to buy it for the kids and the fact that a. I believed she has no means of paying and

[00:20:21] b. had commented on how overpriced it was were not relevant. I still should explicitly have said that we didn't want her to buy anything. I think this is unreasonable, man would have

[00:20:32] made things really awkward at what was supposed to be a fun outing. He says it's my fault that mother-in-law spent her money on poor quality prizes which will be landfill by next Was it my fault?

[00:20:45] We often see in these stories that you deal with your own parents and I believe exactly that he wasn't happy about it. He should have set this boundary with his mom if he's that

[00:20:55] worried about it. Why doesn't he go up to her? I think it's good that he initially came up to you to have this conversation but then he's expecting you to go and talk to her about

[00:21:03] it. Why couldn't he do that? I find that bizarre in itself. And I agree, I think it would have been really awkward if you immediately said to her no don't buy any of those, the kids

[00:21:12] can't play those, they can only have a couple of rides or whatever when mother-in-law was going to do that. I think it would have made things awkward but at the same time it's still

[00:21:20] up to him to lay down that boundary if that's what he wants to do. I gotta admit I'm guilty. We have a local fair that comes every once in a while and I take my nieces and nephews

[00:21:30] in. I love a fair game and I know majority of toys there are going to be shit quality. I'd say I'm probably a little more cautious than grandma in this situation but I get where

[00:21:41] she's coming from. I sort of like give a nod towards the parents, do you mind if we do this kind of thing? You know if they get in sweets or something like that or another stuffed

[00:21:52] toy. I mean my nieces and nephews got like these, they call them like teddy zoos that they have in the corner of their rooms that are just like full of various stuffed animals

[00:22:01] and they've had them for years from when we've played fair games before and it always brings a smile to my face and I absolutely love seeing them happy and enjoying themselves and frankly I'm not going to apologize for that. Layden says,

[00:22:15] It's his mother incompetent and needs care like a child. If not then her behavior is her responsibility and no one else's. If he wants to set a boundary with his side of the family

[00:22:25] then he needs to tell them what he wants from them. If they choose not to comply it's their decision and he needs to set consequences for their behavior. She told him that you and his mother had not agreed to anything other than her apparent

[00:22:38] agreement that the game was not worth playing. He chose to keep asking the same question until she completed her purchase, then he blamed you for her actions. It doesn't work that way, he needs to tell her what she is allowed to do with the grandchildren. When

[00:22:52] she violates those rules he needs to take action. He could have walked over and asked her to stop, but he has told her previously not to spend money on such purchases and walked

[00:23:01] on with the children allowing her to choose to follow and waste the money or play herself and then catch up to the rest of you. He needs to step up and handle things that are

[00:23:10] happening in front of him, or to accept that he chose to do nothing. He is responsible for his choices, not the arsehole. And there was various comments saying the same thing. Many people saying not the arsehole,

[00:23:26] he needs to step up here, that's his mother etc. Some people talking about contributing towards these cheap shitty toys that you get at funfairs. Obviously not all funfairs. Some people saying everyone sucks here except grandma and the kids because they just want

[00:23:43] to have a good time. But what do you guys make of this situation? Have you ever won any of those toys at fair stalls before? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:23:56] A huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.