Boyfriend Quit His Job And Tells Me I Now Look Down On Him r/Relationships

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories

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[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Much love guys now today's first story comes from throw a account and says my boyfriend quit his job without telling me

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And now he refuses to look for another job

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm tired of paying for everything

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_00]: My boyfriend 33 male quit his job last year without telling me

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I only found out two days before the rent was due

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_00]: We split everything 50-50 when I asked him for his part of the rent

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_00]: When I asked he simply told me he quit because he was tired of working at that place

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Since then I've been paying for everything including rent, food, gas and bills and anything else he needs

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Had to work two jobs while going to school for a while

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It was hard

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_00]: But I finally finished school a couple of months ago and I found my dream job

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00]: I make enough to live comfortably even take care of my boyfriend and still have money for saving

[00:01:12] [SPEAKER_00]: However, I still want him to get a job to support himself because I think as an adult he needs a job

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like he relies on me too much and he thinks since my job pays well he doesn't have a reason to work

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_00]: He always says things like you make good money now so maybe you could buy me my dream car

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Or you should open a business for me to run

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_00]: It bothers me a lot

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't mind supporting my partner financially if there's a legit reason that prevents him from working

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's not the case

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00]: He spends most of his time playing games meeting up with friends or just at home watching movies

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: As to have to do all the chores and take care of our dogs

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00]: His family thinks that he's been working to take care of me so that I can finish school

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Which is not true

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Now they think I was able to finish school and got a good job all because of him

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't even want to explain to them. I just want him to get a job and have a future

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: When I tried to talk to him, he told me I'm not supportive and now that I have a good job

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I look down on him

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_00]: What should I do?

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Is it even worth to try and talk some sense into him?

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to start dating at this age, but I feel like I can't keep doing this

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Edit

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Many people ask why him?

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Why I stayed for years?

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_00]: What did I see in him?

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: So I just want to answer it here

[00:02:30] [SPEAKER_00]: We started off pretty normal

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_00]: We split everything 50-50

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Had no problem with that

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: But throughout the years he started showing his true self

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I was in school and school was the most important thing to me at that point

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_00]: If I invested all my time and energy into it

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I was in a PhD program

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: So I had a step end, around 30k a year

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Which was enough for myself but not for two people

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_00]: After he quit his job I was very stressed out

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: But I had to focus on school and try to do everything I could to survive

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have time to really think about my personal life

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And I also didn't want to go through any changes in life

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00]: So I just let it be

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: In addition, he guilt trips me a lot so I feel bad for him

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_00]: But now that I have a stable job I have time to really think about my future

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't see myself being with him long term

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think it would be easy as, hey let's break up

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Because I know he wouldn't let go that easy

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'll start planning to get out

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I'll have some friends for support

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00]: His name is not on the lease so I'll stay where I am and he'll have to move

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I think it's like you said in this one OP

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: If there was a specific reason why he wasn't

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00]: You know maybe he's going through some mental health stuff

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Which even if that was the case

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00]: You know he needs to deal with that himself

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00]: But I think you would have supported him through that

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_00]: But it sounds like he's literally just taking and taking

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And never planning to give anything back

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: And that brings the question, yeah what is your future looking like right now?

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: It sounds like you'd be quite happy to continue to do this for the foreseeable future

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_00]: That he's quite happy if you're paying everything doing all the chores

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know it's just disrespectful to you isn't it?

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And you said to yourself about you don't want to start dating again

[00:04:09] [SPEAKER_00]: But there is an alternative of just not dating for a little while at least

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_00]: But certainly don't play into this sunk cost fallacy stuff

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: You'll certainly get nothing beneficial from this relationship at the moment

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_00]: So why bother basically?

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_00]: A commenter says you break up with him

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_00]: He's not a partner, he's a freaking leech

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Stop trying to control him and control what you can

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Break up, kick him out, slash move out

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Find someone worthy of you

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: But the commenter says wow you leave

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have a boyfriend you have a dependent

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Of course he's not getting the job

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Why would he?

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: You have proven to him that he doesn't need to because he's got a sugar mama

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Him saying that you look down on him is manipulation

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: He wants you to feel bad

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Supported of what?

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Him sitting around playing games

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Leave, dating can actually be fun

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_00]: You can't want this for the rest of your life

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Opie responded to that and says

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I did feel bad when he said that and he does that all the time

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Every time I bring up something he would start talking about how miserable his life is and

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_00]: How I just make it worse

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00]: I admit that I stay till now because I feel bad

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And no, I don't want this for the rest of my life

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I will move on and hopefully find someone who cares

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Another commenter says you work two jobs while in school to support someone who

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Happily sits on their ass not contributing

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Not even cleaning or caring for the pets

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Why?

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Why have you accepted this?

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And the worst part is he lets his family think he's supporting you

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: So he actually has enough sense to know that what he's doing is frowned upon

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't want to start dating at this age

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_00]: You mean 31

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_00]: So you'd rather be 31 taking care of a stay at home boyfriend who contributes literally nothing

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: How is that a better outlook at 31?

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Opie says I think it's because I was too busy figuring out my life and

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Trying to do everything I could to survive

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: All I did was working and going to school

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't really have time to think about my personal life

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Now that I have a stable job I have to think about my life more and yeah

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I need to end this and take care of myself

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_00]: To be honest, I'm not even sure how to date anymore

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_00]: But I guess I'll try and hopefully be able to find someone

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And one more comment which says when he tries to make you feel bad

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_00]: By saying that you look down on him for not having a job because you have a good job

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Your apply needs to be

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I do because you are lazy in using me

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Don't be afraid to call him out for what he is

[00:06:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Because I promise you he will never change

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Because he is very happy not working and having you pay for everything

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_00]: As for dating don't even worry about dating if you kick him to the curb

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Your life will be so much better as a single person than it is currently

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_00]: You'll have more money, more freedom, less stress

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00]: And you'll wonder why you stayed with him for so long

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_00]: He may feel like you're too old to start dating again when you are ready

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_00]: You are not

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00]: It's better to leave him now and have time to be alone

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Then find someone better

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_00]: And believe me you deserve so much better

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_00]: Then to wait another 10 years

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_00]: If you stay in 10 years time you'll be even more unhappy

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: With no savings with a lazy boyfriend who uses you for money

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_00]: You'll be wishing that you'd left now

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: So you could have spent the last 10 years being happy

[00:07:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And saving your money

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_00]: So OP came in with their first update two months later

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And said it's been two months since I posted about my situation on this sub

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And I just wanted to give you an update on how things went after I made that post

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Before I go into the details I just want to say I really appreciate everyone here

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: After I resolved everything I occasionally would go back to my original post

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And read the comments to remind myself that I've done the right thing

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_00]: After posting on here I went home from work that day

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And asked my friends to come over but stay in the parking lot

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_00]: While I sort things out with my now ex boyfriend

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Before I could even start the conversation

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_00]: He told me his friend got a new car recently

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And how I should get him a car since I can afford it

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I got really upset and told him he could have got himself a car if he was working

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I told him how stressful it has been for me with him not working and fully relying on me

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_00]: He started that my life is already miserable and you're not being supportive talk

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I was sick of it

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_00]: So I said I wanted to end things here and he needs to move out ASAP

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00]: As expected he got upset and threw a tantrum

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_00]: He was yelling, throwing stuff around

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00]: And when he realized I was being dead serious

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_00]: He started threatening to hit and kill my dogs

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I jumped in between him and the dogs to stop him from harming them

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Then he pushed me and grabbed me by my neck

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Was able to get him off me

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Put the dogs into a room and called my friends to tell them come in and call the police

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00]: He was trying to hit me but my friends got there in time

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00]: I think he got scared when he saw my friend showed up

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_00]: So he backed down

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00]: But still verbally telling them to get out of the way or hit them too

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_00]: The police came, they took him away and told me he wouldn't be able to come into the apartment anymore

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00]: He had to move but would need to be escorted by the police if he wants to grab his stuff later

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_00]: It was a horrible experience

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But it showed me that I've done the right thing

[00:09:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I thought that was the end of everything

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_00]: But his auntie called me when she found out

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And tried to gas like me into saying that he didn't do anything wrong

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was just upset so I called the police

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I told myself I no longer have to deal with this bullshit

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I told her to leave me alone and hung up

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_00]: His family would continue to harass me but stopped when I threatened to report to the police

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I continued to pay the rent and bills like I've always been doing

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Only thing that's changed is I'm now so much happier

[00:09:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm the happiest I've been in years

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I just got a promotion last week

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I've been spending time enjoying life

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_00]: For the extra money I have since I'm no longer having to pay for his expenses

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_00]: As for my ex, he moved in with his aunt

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I got a protection order so we are not in contact at all

[00:09:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Commoner says after that one

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Wonderful update and congrats to you

[00:09:53] [SPEAKER_00]: You're strong and capable and now you can live in peace

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Hope he says thank you

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_00]: It feels great to wake up in the morning

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And not have to worry about what kind of crap he's going to give me today

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_00]: And oh my god

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_00]: That extra savings that I have since I'm no longer financially responsible

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00]: For a full grown adult

[00:10:11] [SPEAKER_00]: And there was a lot of other useful information for the OP in the comments below that post

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Stuff like changing locks, potentially having cameras

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Because let's face it the behaviour he's shown

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_00]: And how quickly that escalated shows what he's capable of

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Grabbed you by your neck

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Retina to kill your dogs as unhinged behaviour

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I always find it weird when family members like phone up

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_00]: To harass the OP's in these stories

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean I shouldn't be surprised if

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_00]: You know the boyfriend is doing this

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Usually the apple doesn't fall far from the tree

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_00]: But I wonder what he was telling his family

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously they already believe him that he was supporting

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_00]: He was supporting her when she was in school etc etc

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Which totally didn't happen

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00]: So I wonder what other bullshit he's been telling them in the background

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_00]: But OP came in a year later and says

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It's been a year since I called the police on my ex-boyfriend

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_00]: After he heard me and threatened to hurt my dogs

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I hope the same thing doesn't happen to anyone

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_00]: But if you're currently in a similar relationship

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Hope this post will help you realise

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Good things will come after you stand up for yourself

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_00]: After my ex was taken by the police

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I dealt with some harassment from his family but

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_00]: He eventually left me alone

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I moved closer to my job and basically a different city

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_00]: That's 30 minutes away from my old apartment

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_00]: I took some time to heal and went on vacations by myself

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_00]: It was great

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I finally looked forward to coming home and spending time with my dogs

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_00]: One of them passed away from cancer a couple of months ago

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_00]: About six months after the incident

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I met someone

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_00]: He's a great person for the first time in a long time

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Someone who treats me with love and respect

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm very happy at the moment

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_00]: That I've learned to set boundaries and expectations

[00:11:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Early on to avoid being in the same situation again

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Now to my ex's case

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Yesterday I got a call from the prosecutor's office

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_00]: To be honest, I totally forgot about the case

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought there's nothing else to follow up on

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But they called to inform me that

[00:12:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Have you pressed in charges

[00:12:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And asked if I'd be okay to testify

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I said yes

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_00]: It'd be hard for me to go to court

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_00]: And talk about the incident if he's right there

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Because even though I've completely moved on with my life

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I can still feel the fear when I heard about the case

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm somewhat still traumatized by the whole thing

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_00]: But I think he needs to be responsible for his actions

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Especially after his auntie tried to defend his actions by blaming me

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00]: It really sucks that I have to go through all of that

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_00]: To end a toxic and abusive relationship

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But I got out somewhat safely

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And I can't imagine what my life would be if I stayed

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_00]: It was a hard time, but it's worth it

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Things are definitely better

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm surrounded by people who truly love and appreciate me

[00:12:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Simple and little things in my life truly make me happy

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Like how my boyfriend got me bubble tea and prepared dinner for me

[00:12:55] [SPEAKER_00]: When I had a hard day at work last week

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_00]: I can't believe just more than a year ago

[00:12:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I thought a day without an argument was already a good day

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_00]: So there was a couple of comments with OPI replying to them

[00:13:06] [SPEAKER_00]: The first one said good for you for leaving that toxic situation

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Exact thing happened to me last year as well

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I was in a relationship with a toxic ex and I finally stood up for myself

[00:13:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And ended the relationship

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Got to live together until we figured out the living situation

[00:13:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Since unfortunately both our names were on the lease

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_00]: The way I got out was by calling the police after he swung a sound bar at me

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm still traumatized about this to this day

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm in therapy for the things he did and said to me

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_00]: He pled guilty which I'm so glad that this nightmare is trapped that can finally be over

[00:13:39] [SPEAKER_00]: OP responded saying I'm glad that you're able to get out before things got worse

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_00]: It's a very traumatizing experience but therapy does help

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Hope you have a good support system and are around people who care about you

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_00]: And understand your experience

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Another commenter says hey OP thank you for sharing an update

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad that things have improved for you

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And that you're happy and surrounded by people who love and care about you

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_00]: I can only imagine how scary it will be to testify against your ex

[00:14:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But you were so brave and strong for doing that

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_00]: If you feel like you need it

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_00]: It accounts a lot to help you navigate and process the emotions you're feeling

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And so you can realize the effects of re-traumatization

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I wish you all the best and good luck in the trial

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_00]: OP says I was told that victim advocates will reach out and walk me through the process

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_00]: As well as helping me prepare for a trial

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I know it'll be very hard and triggering

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_00]: But it'll be even harder for me to live with the fact that he gets away with what he did

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm the one who lets it happen

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_00]: At first I just want to say I'm sorry about the loss of your dog of course

[00:14:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And I can't imagine what it's going to be like for OP to have to go back into court

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_00]: To face her abuser in the way that she's going to

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I think she's incredible for doing so don't get me wrong

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just and I'm just incredibly happy for her that her life has turned around

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_00]: In the way it has she's finally met someone again

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Rather than settling for what her life could have been

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_00]: You know we see it time and time again in these stories

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_00]: It is obvious what OP should have done in that first post

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's very easy for us and commenters to say

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_00]: You know you need to get yourself out of that situation because why

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Because why would you put up with that?

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_00]: You know it's so easy for us to say that kind of stuff

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_00]: But as always when you're living it when it's normalized

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I always picture it like I've said in past stories

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like just being surrounded by a gray fog and you know you've got nowhere to go

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_00]: So you just have to live in that moment in days past weeks past months past

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And you just can't see a path out of there

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_00]: But when you finally get that support and that encouragement

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_00]: That little bit of light in the fog it starts to clear

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And when the fog's completely lifted you're like

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Fuck me why did I why did I put up with that all this time?

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm super happy for OP and I hope they continue to thrive

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And get the support they need for that trial going forward

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_00]: But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_00]: What would you say to OP?

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And let's move on to another story

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Now our next story comes from our very own subreddit r slash mark narrations

[00:16:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Got your own neighbor drama you know where I am

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_00]: This one's from Harry Ato and I have to give you a warning on this one

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Just from the title when I saw the first line

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I got a feeling it's going to be poo related

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_00]: So if you're eating or whatever right now

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_00]: You might want to skip this one

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_00]: You've been warned okay

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_00]: It's titled The Mystery of the Phantom Flusher

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mark and waffle gang this is an ongoing saga

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Afflict in our household and it's a real stinker

[00:16:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Literally main characters are me 36 female

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband 38 male our baby zero male

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Nice neighbor one and two and the phantom flusher

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Age and identity currently unknown

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Dun dun dun

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_00]: We moved into our house in our nice quiet village cul-de-sac around two years ago

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And don't really know all our neighbors yet

[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_00]: We know the people either side quite well

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_00]: But beyond that we just wave and say hello

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone seemed nice

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_00]: A week or so ago the water company came out and unclogged a drain

[00:17:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Not our drain one of the main ones

[00:17:18] [SPEAKER_00]: This will be important later

[00:17:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And a few days ago they came back to do it again

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I spoke to one of the men doing the unclogging and he said there had been a blockage

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Probably people flush in things that they shouldn't

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_00]: He said the water company would be sending around a letter reminding us

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Not to flush nappies

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_00]: In continents pads tampons small children kitchen sinks

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_00]: The full works of William Shakespeare etc

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Sure enough this arrived

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Now we put all the little man's nappies and wipes into our ludicrously overpriced

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Ridiculously over-engineered super-duper nappy bin

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And spend a sum approximately to the gross domestic product of Lithuania on refills for this monstrosity

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes I was pregnant and hormonal and fell for the marketing hype

[00:18:02] [SPEAKER_00]: So we just shrugged our shoulders and carried on with our lives

[00:18:06] [SPEAKER_00]: The phantom flushers struck

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00]: A letter arrives in very shouty awe caps

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Of lots of underline essentially ranting about how the author knows that we block the drain

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_00]: And the water company and a lynch mob of neighbours will be coming after us to charge us for the blockage

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_00]: It is simply signed

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Your neighbours

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm pretty upset because there's a rather aggressive note

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And the idea of the entire street wrongly believing that we are the phantom flushers is horrible

[00:18:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Who wants to be despised as the stench cause a most foul?

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Not me

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband goes to speak with our neighbours to politely explain that

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_00]: A. We don't flush nappies

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_00]: B. A size 5 pull-up won't even fit down a soil pipe of the kind we have

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Let alone the main sewer

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_00]: C. We are not scary people

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_00]: If you ever wanted to knock and say, hey, are you disposing of your poopy nappies properly?

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_00]: We're happy to chat and take you on a guided tour of our changing table over a cup of tea

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And a biscuit I hope

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe not the biscuit after this

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_00]: He speaks to all the neighbours bar too old a couples

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Who are both on holiday?

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone he speaks to seems shocked by the note and reiterates that the phantom flusher is unknown

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00]: One of them says that blockages have been terrible their end

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Which is extra bad because their frail elderly mother is staying

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And can only use the downstairs toilet

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Once he returns we check the envelope of the letter and see

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Drum roll

[00:19:35] [SPEAKER_00]: It was posted from a different county

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_00]: So now we know that one of the holidaying neighbours is the author

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_00]: We take a different approach and contact the water company

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, just in case they've mentioned nappies and sent shouty neighbour off on one

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Water company are very interesting

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00]: They say, oh, people are quick to blame young families

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But it's more often all folks flushing incontinence pads

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_00]: A sneaking suspicion is born

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00]: For context, we are one of the only younger couples on the street

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_00]: It's mostly older folk

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Including one of the neighbours who is currently on holiday

[00:20:11] [SPEAKER_00]: What if the author of the note is knowingly or not a real phantom flusher

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_00]: To be continued

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_00]: PS, yes, this is what passes for excitement in semi rural England

[00:20:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Man, I love this kind of excitement

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember watching a documentary a few years back about

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Fatbergs

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And I got into it because there was one in central Oxford

[00:20:38] [SPEAKER_00]: And they had to like dig up a massive part of the road

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_00]: To get this thing out, to break this thing down

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_00]: It was huge apparently

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Like blocking so much and it was like full of

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_00]: No fat

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Oil

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Pads

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Nappies as well

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know how anyone can get a nappy down

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_00]: You must literally have to poke that thing down the pipe and hope that it goes

[00:20:58] [SPEAKER_00]: But if you can stomach it, watch a documentary on it

[00:21:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It's really nasty

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_00]: It looks like an alien creature

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But what are you gonna do, OP?

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_00]: How are you gonna get the information?

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Surely they're not gonna just admit it

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Even if you showed them this letter from where, you know

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Where they're holidaying from and you say

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_00]: It's from the same county you was just in

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_00]: They're probably just gonna go

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_00]: No, we need to come up with a different plan, OP

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not sure how we're gonna

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm involved OP

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_00]: So waffle gang community

[00:21:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm turning this one to you guys

[00:21:28] [SPEAKER_00]: How can we solve this mystery of the phantom flusher?

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Let's get involved

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Let me know down in the comments below

[00:21:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And just a huge thank you for being here today

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Getting involved in the stories

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Pariato, I hope I'm pronouncing that right

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00]: For sharing your story with us

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I love it

[00:21:47] [SPEAKER_00]: We'll be expecting an update on that soon as well

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And I will see you in the next one

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Take care

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Much love

[00:22:35] [SPEAKER_02]: It's just like you are

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_02]: For us it's about finding your true strength

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_02]: And understanding you

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Together we support and support each other

[00:22:43] [SPEAKER_02]: Be there and let's have a good time together

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_02]: In the Curvy Bestie Club