Boyfriend Puts Me Down Because I Went To College?! | r/Relationships

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account and says, My 26 female boyfriend, 25 male, of a few months puts me down because I went to college. This is probably an odd issue. We've been together for six months and it's been fun for the most part but when he brings up subjects that involve higher education, he constantly puts down the idea of going to college, claiming it's a waste of money and a scam. I point out the necessity for there to be college.

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_00] Like doctors, etc. And he says that's different. I asked him if it's an issue with costs instead of the idea of pursuing more education. And he said that, You don't learn anything real in college. You can learn more by going out and doing hard work. I pointed out that anyone can make of their college experience what they want but he waved this off.

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_00] I don't bring these subjects up. It's been a more and more frequent topic and it's gotten under my skin. He knows I'm a college graduate and that I worked really hard to get where I am today. But he will make comments like, Some people don't have the same opportunities as you do or the resources.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00] I went to a community college before going to university and it saved me a lot of money. The money I did spend either came out of my own pocket or financial aid. I was working in retail part time while going to school full time. I have a career and my life has been fantastic and I love my job. He has a high school diploma and he works at a job that works for mentally and physically handicapped people. He had to get certifications to work at his job and to get promotions.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_00] Right now where he is at, he would need a degree to get another promotion. And I don't know if he's projecting his resentment about that onto me, but it's been annoying the hell out of me. I brought that up and he denies it and says that he's happy where he is at work wise. For your information, I don't care about what he does as a job as long as he's happy. I make enough money to be comfortable on my own. He has made comments in the past that I would run off and marry a doctor over him because they make more money.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00] And I had to reiterate time and again, that money isn't a deal breaker for me. This has all made me sit and think about the nature of our relationship. He does have insecurities like if I don't text him back within a certain amount of time, he thinks the worst. Two months ago in our relationship, he became paranoid that I had a vast sexual history because I went to college and even thought that there was a porn tape of me out there because according to him, all college girls do that.

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_00] What? I told him that he was crazy and that even if I had a large number of sexual partners in the past, it had no impact on our current relationship. I've only been with two people. He's been with eight. I don't really feel happy anymore. He was a good friend, but as a boyfriend, he sucks. He's a hypocrite and paranoid. Earlier today, he made a comment about wanting to get me pregnant so that even if we broke up, part of him would still be with me.

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00] What the fuck? I was like, uh, I don't want kids and he started insisting on changing my mind and that when I am pregnant, I would feel differently. Luckily, this was over the phone via text or I would have walked away from him immediately. Did I just let crazy stick its dick in me? Thankfully, I've always insisted on protection until we both got tested for STDs. I would buy the condoms and I'm on the pill. I guess this is a combination of venting and needing advice.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00] We have mutual friends, so it's awkward to bring all of this to them. The cons are outweighing the pros in this relationship. It's only been six months and this type of stuff is surfacing. What would it be like at a year in? What would be the best way to cut this relationship and run without a big backlash? In my past two relationships, one was a mutual breakup and the other was my SO came out of the closet, so there wasn't really any mess. If it does get messy, what's the best way to handle that?

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00] Holy bloody moly. At first, when it was just like about the insecurities about the college and stuff, I was like, oh, here we go. But then it just got worse and worse that he's putting down your accomplishments. What was the basically all college girls make porn comment? The constant accusations when you don't text back immediately and I'll get you pregnant so you can't leave. Holy shit. Yes, run. Don't walk. He's literally trying to trap you.

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_00] He's saying it and it's the usual comments that's going to come out in this. I imagine, you know, for the breakup itself, do it somewhere publicly or have someone nearby, friend, family member, something along those lines. You don't have to justify anything. Just a simple, you know, this isn't working. We're done kind of thing. Immediately block him and let people let you know and trust what's going on in this situation because, deary me.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_00] Commenter says, quoting, he made comments today about wanting to get me pregnant. Quoting that part and says, holy fucking yikes. The quoting again said, did I let crazy stick its dick in me? And then says, please tell me that wasn't a serious question. Commenter says, don't slam your clam on. Oh, deary me. Don't slam your clam on crazy girl. Oh, ofi says, no, it's not a serious question. Lol.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00] I think it goes without saying he may be a little emotionally imbalanced. Clorox says, quoting a little. Then says, you could make a circus tent with the amount of red flags in your post. Notecake says, at six months, you guys should still be in the honeymoon phase. He's showing you that he's a paranoid, possessive arsehole who doesn't respect your hard work and thinks of you as a baby factory. You aren't happy and it's because he's a shitty boyfriend. I think you already know what to do and you wanted some support on this.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00] So I'll give you my full support. Break up with him. If it gets messy, block him everywhere possible. And if he shows up uninvited, call the police. Opi responds saying, he wanted a key to my house so he could drop by whenever. I'm really glad I didn't give one to him. Another commenter says, do not have sex with this man again. You need to leave and don't look back. Pregnancy threat aside, you shouldn't be with someone who looks down on your accomplishments. How can you let someone degrade your hard work?

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00] Opi says, I definitely have zero interest in having any type of physical contact with him. It started out as a little comments about the expensiveness of college and had progressed to this point. I don't want any part of that. Looking back, I see now that he was trying to chip away at my self-confidence and self-worth. And it makes me pretty angry. So Opi did update the post and says, thank you all for the supportive comments. I read through each one and it's helped me build my resolve.

[00:07:11] [SPEAKER_00] I'm happy to announce that I dumped my ex-boyfriend. Yesterday, I called a mutual friend I'm more close to than he is. And I asked her to sit in the car when I broke up with him. She agreed and I called and asked for him to meet us at the local park. I was apprehensive, but having my friend there made me feel safer. When he walked to my car, I stepped out and broke the news to him that I wasn't interested in continuing the relationship.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00] He didn't take it very well and began to rant and yell loudly about how he just knew I was cheating on him and seeing someone else on the side. How I never loved him and that he just knew that I was a see you next Tuesday because I didn't rush into the relationship at the speed he wanted me to. Apparently, moving in together at three months equals showing you love someone.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00] I thought I would get emotional or angry, but somehow I kept grounded and told him that his erratic behavior and demeaning attitude is what turned me off. The fact that he didn't respect my wishes, not to have kids, was the breaking point for me. And that I wasn't a broodmare destined to be pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen. He began to spout, whatever, whatever, you just used me, yada yada.

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_00] And I gave him back the only property he left at my house, a DVD of Guardians of the Galaxy, and said my goodbyes and wished him luck. He then demanded that I give back any gift he had given to me during the course of our relationship. I told him, note, that I was keeping my box set of Downton Abbey and that because it was a gift, it was legally mine. My friend and I left and she was surprised by his irrational, paranoid behavior. Among our mutual friends, he's the happy-go-lucky type of guy that everyone likes.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00] I wasn't going to go off about how he was a terrible person because that would take me down to his level. I bought my friend Takeout as a thank you and two hours after I got home, I guess it really sunk into him that we were done. And I started getting calls, texts and messages on Facebook. The voicemails and texts he left were pretty nasty. And I text back that if he contacted me again, I would consider it harassment and go to the police. I blocked him on Facebook and marked his number as spam on my phone.

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_00] It was quiet until late last night when I got a text from an unknown number. Either from someone else's phone or used an app to get another number. And there was a picture of him getting a blowjob from an unknown female. I knew it was him because he has a scar on his lower abdomen that's several inches in length from a surgery years ago. I wish I could say that I publicly embarrassed him by posting the picture on Facebook or sent it to his mum. But I didn't.

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_00] I don't know what the laws are for revenge porn in my state and he's just not worth the risk. Also, I don't think the girl in the picture was aware of the fact that she had her picture taken. Her eyes were closed. And she doesn't deserve public humiliation over what a mentally unstable ex did. This morning I changed my number and gave it out to only a select few. Also, I do have a security system in my house and two surveillance cameras for my front and back doors.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00] Yay for previous burglary paranoia. The front has a view of my lawn and driveway and my back has a view of my entire backyard. If he attempts any type of vandalism or shows up to my house, I would get it on tape. It's been quiet. I called in sick today to give myself a me day. I'm going to spoil myself with Amazon purchases and eat some Thai food. Thank you all again for leaving awesome comments. It helped a lot.

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_00] Commodore says about the picture of the blowjob from an unknown female and says lol, he probably had that picture for a while. How embarrassingly childish to send it though. I bet he thinks you're crying and pining away for him. Yet I'm sure all this behavior is just convincing you even more that you were right in breaking up. Anyway, you dodged a missile. So take care of yourself and good luck. I doubt his antics will stop at this. If anything, this is the eye before the storm.

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00] You cutting off all his attempts at contact and not engaging him will really set him off. So watch out. Don't be afraid to get a restraining order. OP says thank you. Definitely dodged a nuclear bomb lol. Tomorrow, I'll be heading to the local PD with a picture and evidence of his messaging and etc. To see what can be done. An hour ago, I started getting mean nature's messages on my Facebook other folder from a fresh account under his name.

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_00] Calling me, which apparently according to Google is a racist term. And various other insults. I changed my privacy settings. Just more kindling to the fire that will be placed under his ass. Gee bloody whiz. I'm glad OP is stepping back from that. And I really do hope that she's protected herself after all this situation. Because that is absolutely terrifying. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:12:01] [SPEAKER_00] And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from Throwaway Armchair who says, My female 24 boyfriend male 23 tried to push a religious debate on my sister. Female 28 after our dad died. A little background. I'm an atheist and my boyfriend happens to be one too. My family is Christian but they are the type that loves everyone. Accepts people for who they are. Thinks gay marriage is fine and accepts that I'm an atheist.

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_00] My parents have always had that be Christ-like mentality. Which sometimes doesn't mesh well with more conservative Christians. But anyway, they're awesome people and I love them. Our dad died after a rough battle with cancer a week ago. It was pretty bad and my family is mourning right now. We are a pretty tight-knit family so we are reeling at the moment. We had a funeral at a local church and it was really nice and beautiful.

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_00] I personally don't hold the same beliefs but I respect other people to have their own opinions. And I don't take offense or make it a private mission to somehow prove them wrong. Which is something my boyfriend has a tendency of doing. He's more judgmental and he's curbed back a lot but it's still there. Yesterday I get a phone call from my older sister in tears because my boyfriend started going at her in regards to her faith. She's the same as our parents.

[00:13:24] [SPEAKER_00] He sent her a message on Facebook offering his condolences since they haven't really had a chance to talk after my dad's death. She thanked him and said that our dad wasn't in pain anymore and that he was with God now at peace. And my boyfriend said, You're entitled to your opinion. I just don't feel the same way. This kind of pissed off my sister because this isn't a time or place for that kind of stuff and I agree with her.

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_00] She told him that it wasn't very appropriate to make comments like that to someone who recently lost a parent. But I guess my boyfriend took that as an opportunity to make a debate out of it and my sister ignored him. She showed me the messages and I just feel so angry. It's one thing to not agree with someone. It's another to be an arse and be rude about it, especially at a time like now. My family has never pressured him or made him feel awkward about being an atheist.

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_00] When I told them I was, they nodded and said that they loved me, etc. It's not even about faith. It's about the quality of the person. In my opinion, if someone tries to push their ideologies on another, whether they're atheist, Christian, Muslim, etc. They have a deep-rooted insecurity. I feel really mad at my boyfriend and this feels like a deal-breaker for me. We've only dated a few months. We've known each other for a few years and I realize now how utterly grating he is.

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_00] It's not blatant nails on a chalkboard irritating but more like, makes excuses, is lazy, doesn't have a job, stop going to school because no one will hire him as an intern. He complains constantly about that shit but does nothing to change his circumstances. He actually got mad at me last Christmas season because he bought me a $5 game as a gift and I didn't buy him a $60 game.

[00:15:08] [SPEAKER_00] For one, we'd just started dating each other a month before I didn't feel comfortable shelling out that much money on a gift for a new boyfriend. I didn't expect anything at all from him because of how anti-Christmas he was. I did get him a gift, a $10 game, and he tried to guilt me about it because I have a job. Sorry, this is turning into an angry rant. What would you do in this situation? I'm ready to cut contact with this person. What is the best way to handle this?

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_00] For me on this one, you're a few months in and this guy is attacking your grieving sister to win a debate that nobody has asked for. That's a red flag in itself, right? It's like, come on, mate. Fucking read the room. The commenter quoted a big section of the post and said, Reread this. This guy sounds like an arsehole. You already call him grating after dating a few months. He isn't worth the effort. Break up and move on.

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_00] You'll find another guy who isn't such a jerk. Another commenter says, No job, no prospects. Argues with Esso's sister about religion moments after suffering the loss of a parent. There are so many red flags on this, the NFL would take a 30-minute commercial break to sort it out. The Penzo Mightier says, As an atheist myself, people like him are the arseholes that annoy me. Just because someone believes something doesn't mean you need to try and wage a war against religion.

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_00] Believe what you want to believe and let others do the same thing. What he's trying to do is prove to your sister that she's wrong and make himself feel bigger and smarter than her. And picking the death of her slash your father to do that is just ridiculous. From the rest of the post, he sounds like a child and an arsehole. Get rid of him and be happy. The OP did come back in to update the post and they said, Hi guys, I want to thank you for the wonderful comments.

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_00] My post was a mix of needing to vent, get my head and emotions in order and read great advice. I felt like a burden turning to anyone in my family about it, but you guys helped out a lot. Yesterday, I took my sister and my mom out to have dinner and veg out. I let both of them know that I was dumping my boyfriend and my mom wasn't aware of the reason. My sister only told me what happened. And my sister said uncharacteristically, Because he's a dick. Which surprised our mom.

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_00] I explained to her what happened and our mom just shook her head and said, He clearly isn't happy with himself if he did that. I pray for him, but good riddance. This morning, I blocked him on every conceivable social media and email and gave him a call. He acted like nothing was wrong and I confronted him in regards to what he said to my sister. He apologized and said he was drunk so he had no real control over what he was saying. This pissed me off more and told him that it wasn't an excuse for being an arsehole.

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_00] He knew what he said. He said, I knew I fucked up after our conversation ended abruptly. But he made zero effort to apologize to my sister in the following days. I told him that he was only apologizing now because he was in the shithouse. And only regretted that he was getting yelled at. I don't really understand his logic. My sister is a super sweetheart. And I guess he assumed she wasn't going to say anything to anyone. He kept making up excuses. He was stressed out because he doesn't have a job. That he was drunk so it really wasn't him who said it.

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_00] And that I should just accept the apology and move on. Because clearly it was just a mistake. Nothing malicious. I reiterated that he had made zero effort to reach out for two days to apologize to her. Or to come clean to me about what happened. The only remorse he's expressing is because I was pissed at him. I told him that we were done. And that I had no interest in maintaining a friendship with him. He began to argue with me that I couldn't break up with him because I was angry. And this was just a heat of the moment decision.

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_00] He actually said that if I dumped him at that moment it didn't count. And that we were still together. He didn't agree to the breakup. So thus it meant that our relationship wasn't over. And that I had to cool down and talk with a calmer head. Apparently he thinks me waiting a few days to tell him no again will be a more credible decision. I noped out of that and told him he had to respect what I wanted. And that a breakup absolutely does not have to be mutual. No person can hold another person hostage in a relationship.

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_00] When they want to leave it was fundamentally wrong. I kind of felt bad because in the end he was in tears adamantly saying that it wasn't really his fault. He was drunk and he had no control over his filter. I held my own and said my goodbyes. It probably seems cold hearted but my family comes first. Especially over arse hats. It's evening now. I had a day devoted to my family and our pugs. I didn't realize how much of a down on my ex was and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_00] I don't have to worry about his mountain of self-created problems. Looking back I think he held on because I'm financially secure and the gears of my life are in motion. The wheels whetted by achievements where he hasn't. He hasn't made any effort to contact me or any family since our last interaction. I hope the best for him. Thank you all for your wonderful encouraging comments. Golden Ends says to this one.

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_00] So I'm a bit late to the party but I want to share an anecdote about my husband from back when we were dating. He's not an atheist. He identifies more with being agnostic. That being said a few years ago one of my cousins passed away. And I invited him to come along with me to the funeral. My uncle and aunt are very deeply religious people which he knows. I was aware that there was going to be a very deep religious vibe over the entire event. And I told him I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.

[00:20:47] [SPEAKER_00] He told me not to worry about it. Over the course of the week leading up to the funeral I caught him reading the bible from time to time. The day of the funeral he gives a card to my grieving relatives. After the event my boyfriend went home and I went with my parents to my uncle and aunt's house. They were looking over the messages and cards people had left. When they got to my boyfriend's card my aunt started crying. Inside the card he had written. The righteous perish. No one ponders it in his heart.

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_00] Devout men are taken away and no one understands the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk upright enter into peace. They find rest as they lie in death. My condolences. Signed by his name. My agnostic boyfriend took time out of his day to not only learn about Christianity and the bible. He later told me it was his first time reading it. But he put forth an effort to care for my family. I asked him why he did it.

[00:21:42] [SPEAKER_00] And he told me he wanted to find something to say that would strike a chord with my uncle and aunt. Coincidentally the quote he chose also happened to be one of my aunt's favorites. Atheist or not. You deserve someone that will love not only you but your family as well. And give them the respect they deserve. I hope you find your man one day. As I have found mine. Ziggy says. I hate the it wasn't me it was the alcohol excuse. It's like a drunk driver claiming that his decision to drive drunk was made under the influence of alcohol.

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_00] And therefore he shouldn't be held accountable. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.