Boyfriend Passed Away And I Found Clues He MAY Have Been Cheating r/Relationships

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[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I recently passed away and I have found things that point out that he may have been cheating on me. I don't know what to do, should I investigate further and find out the truth?

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_01]: So, I was with my boyfriend for three years, we had a beautiful and perfect relationship. He was a wonderful man in every way and just a month ago he died tragically and unexpectedly.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Both his family and I have been devastated and inconsolable for this. We were both going to move in together and he was taken from me.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_01]: About two weeks ago her mother approached me with a box that she found while cleaning his room.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_01]: He would occasionally visit her and he used to stay overnight so his room was kept intact like when he lived permanently there.

[00:01:44] [SPEAKER_01]: She had decided to tidy up and clean his room because she was in a better state and she found a box with the initials of my name.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't open it but could see superficially that there were things like letters, dried roses, among other things that she decided not to look at further because she thought they were my things or about us.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_01]: So she thought it would be best to give it to me and I could review those things alone.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I thanked her but I didn't feel ready to see all these things so I put the box away.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_01]: A couple of days ago I went to visit his grave. As I got closer I could see a woman there and I immediately stopped to see if I could recognize her.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_01]: But it was not a family member or friend. She had brought flowers and I could see that she was crying.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_01]: I was afraid to approach since I didn't know who she was and he simply waited at a safe distance.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_01]: She left after a few minutes and didn't even turn to look at me.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it seemed obvious to me that I don't know her.

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_01]: That whole night I couldn't sleep thinking about this woman.

[00:02:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Who is she? Where did she know him from?

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_01]: I knew all his family, friends and people from his work and I didn't recognize her from anywhere.

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I thought of many possibilities and he was no longer there so I couldn't ask him.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I decided to go to his friends and tell them what happened.

[00:03:06] [SPEAKER_01]: As soon as I described the woman they looked at each other nervously and seemed to know who it was.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_01]: But they didn't say anything.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_01]: I insisted and cried a lot. I told them that I deserved to know if I had the wrong image of my boyfriend.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Finally, they told me it was his ex and one of them confessed to having informed her about his death

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_01]: in his resting place because he believed that he would have liked it if she went to see him.

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I felt like my heart fell to my feet. I asked everything I could.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_01]: It turns out that they had studied together since elementary school.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_01]: My boyfriend had been in love with her since then in high school.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_01]: He started a relationship that lasted approximately four years and then they were on and off until just two years before we started a relationship.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_01]: He told me that according to what they knew, they had cut off all contact five years ago.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_01]: But they didn't know for sure if this was true.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I asked him for his name and his name begins with the same initial as mine.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_01]: So, I don't know what to think.

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I should contact her to ask if she was with my boyfriend at the same time as me.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that the first thing I should do is check that damn box and see if there are any of my things or things about her.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_01]: But I can't.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so afraid of destroying this image ahead of my boyfriend as the man I thought he was.

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know what to do.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I was already devastated to lose him but now I could also lose all the beautiful memories I have of him.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_01]: If I finally found out that he was cheating on me.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: His friends tell me to leave the issue alone because he is no longer here to defend himself.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Now for me in this one, this isn't necessarily pointing to cheating or any kind of wrongful behavior at the moment.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_01]: And there was a lot of comments saying you know basically to just leave it alone such as

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_01]: particular song who said no he's dead investigating really serves no purpose and will likely hinder your moving on.

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_01]: And photojournalist who says he's no longer here I'd move on if I were you no nuts said why cause yourself the pain

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and whilst I do understand those comments I do understand where those points are coming from.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_01]: There's a couple of reasons that I would want to know the truth of what was going on regardless of who the person is etc.

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Because it's going to play on your mind and you know you're going to have a negative memory of someone that you love

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_01]: and I wouldn't want that potentially tainting a memory because of maybe irrational thoughts.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_01]: And again I understand where those comments were coming from but I know for myself that I would have to find out as well.

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Perhaps with some professional help along the way grief can do crazy things it sends your mind all over the place.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I've been there a few times as you guys know and I found myself that it never truly leaves you.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_01]: It's always there and you know the memories of your loved ones are always there and can always stir up that grief again.

[00:05:57] [SPEAKER_01]: So this is just coming from myself for me I would need a conclusion to what's going on here.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I would need that closure to be able to put my mind at ease.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe that's a me problem totally happy to admit that but dear Dorothy says this seems above red its pay grade honestly.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Have you thought of finding a therapist who has a lot of experience in grief?

[00:06:20] [SPEAKER_01]: It sounds like you haven't gone into the box so you don't even know if they were in contact.

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_01]: It's common to still grieve for your ex even if you were no contact.

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It's also common to retain mementos from past relationships especially young ones.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_01]: My high school partner died a couple of years ago and even though I've been zero contact for years I still went through some grieving.

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Did he give you anything to be suspicious of when he was alive?

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Whoopi says well there was an incident when I found him an Instagram account

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and he told me it was one here created to upload photographs of his work so I didn't question it anymore.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Other than that I mentioned he was a wonderful man but recent events are making my mind imagine many scenarios and I can't control it.

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_01]: But Opie did update their post and said hi.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_01]: It's been a little while since I was here totally paranoid about something absurd to be honest

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_01]: and I made the post I expected a different reaction like people saying open the box go and confront the ex-girlfriend.

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I was looking for support because I knew it was crazy.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm very happy to have found such kind people who cared about me without knowing me.

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_01]: After posting I really knew I wasn't okay and I had to take care of my mental health.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_01]: The first thing I did was call my mom and tell her I needed help because I was going downhill.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_01]: She came in less than an hour.

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_01]: The whole night I cried in her arms and afterwards she helped me find out about a psychologist.

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_01]: We also found a Thanatologist.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: We were able to schedule an appointment a few days later and so far I had a few sessions

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and I won't lie and say I'm fine now because I still feel like life sucks for taking it away from me

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_01]: and sometimes I feel like I'm floating disconnected of the world or I forget that he is no longer here.

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_01]: My first instinct is to look for him or call him if something happens to me.

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_01]: It is difficult but at least I already asked for help and I'm receiving it.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm in a better place now but there's still a long way to go

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_01]: and I know I have to do it without him.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Regarding the box, I thought about returning it to his mom

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_01]: but I really thought it was most likely about his ex.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_01]: It was.

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't want his mom to feel bad for giving me something that wasn't mine.

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I decided to give it to his friend and for him to get it into the right hands.

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_01]: He has truly been a rock for me even though he is also grieving because he lost his best friend.

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_01]: They were friends since high school and they studied the same in college.

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_01]: The general reason for this update is that a few days ago I spoke with her.

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I know.

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that everyone was against contact in her but it was not intentional

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_01]: and the truth is beyond hurting myself I felt much better afterwards.

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I ended up seeing her again in the cemetery.

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_01]: I approached her at first.

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_01]: She just looked at me confused when I told her who I was.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_01]: She just saw me the way everyone sees me lately with pity.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_01]: We were silent for what seemed like an eternity

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and then she started telling me something funny about him when he was a kid

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_01]: and she told me a lot of things that I didn't know about him.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I must say she was very kind and sweet and she is so much like him in personality.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it's because they grew up together or because I feel so desperate to find him somewhere

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_01]: but I really felt like they had the same way of speaking and the same sense of humour

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_01]: even though she was very afraid to talk about their time as a couple.

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_01]: It ended with her telling me a little about them.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_01]: She told me that for some reason or another they were never able to fit together as a couple

[00:09:39] [SPEAKER_01]: even though they loved each other so they decided to walk away before getting hurt.

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_01]: It turns out that the last time they spoke was two years ago

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_01]: when he wrote to congratulate her on her wedding.

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_01]: They didn't talk much beyond wishing each other the best.

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_01]: She told me that she was glad that he had found a person like me

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_01]: and that he had been happy.

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Also thanked me for the box she said that contains very valuable things for her.

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_01]: That was all.

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_01]: There was no infidelity in she only confirmed that he was a wonderful person

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_01]: and I was very lucky to have met him.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_01]: The only thing that made me sad was that even though he was always the best with me

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I came to doubt his integrity as a person.

[00:10:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Now we just have to continue with the therapy

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_01]: and try hard to learn to live without him.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you all.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And for me there was about possibly the best ending that you could get in that situation

[00:10:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I think I'm glad to find out you know there was there was nothing shady going on

[00:10:34] [SPEAKER_01]: in the background and OP seemed to have got the closure that they needed

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_01]: like I said in the first part of the post I think for me I would have wanted to find out at the same time

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_01]: but there was many people probably more so saying you know just to leave it alone

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and I understand where they're coming from at the same time

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_01]: just not hurting yourself further.

[00:10:54] [SPEAKER_01]: But for me I would have wanted to know one way or another

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_01]: also not to affect my memory of him you know

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_01]: because I think that's just like damaging yourself but in a different way

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_01]: it was also in the comments a lot of fixation on that box

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and eventually keeping those mementos from past relationships

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and some people finding it weird.

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I personally didn't find it weird at all.

[00:11:16] [SPEAKER_01]: It's not something that I do myself but I knew one of my friends from you know some time back now

[00:11:21] [SPEAKER_01]: who would keep you know mementos from all his past relationships

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_01]: and they served as like almost a diary of sorts if you like

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_01]: but how about you guys how did you feel about this one?

[00:11:33] [SPEAKER_01]: What would you have done in OP situation would you want to know?

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Would you not want to know?

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Would you have left it alone?

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Do you agree with the person that you're just hurting yourself by trying to find out?

[00:11:43] [SPEAKER_01]: How about the mementos?

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Do you keep mementos from past relationships?

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and let's move on to another story.

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Our next story comes from Noah Nuggy who says

[00:11:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I am an IV arsehole for refusing when my friend wanted to join my fiancee and I on our first trip together.

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I 22 female and my fiance 23 male are going on our first trip together.

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm really excited as this is my first time on a plane

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and even leaving the state I've lived in my whole life.

[00:12:14] [SPEAKER_01]: We've been planning for this trip since earlier this year

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_01]: and we've gotten our tickets as well as accommodations.

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_01]: All together we've already spent around 4,500 USD on everything

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_01]: which has been something we've been saving for as we're both college students.

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Our trip is in about a month and in comes my friend.

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_01]: We call her Ashley 22 female.

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_01]: We've been my friend for about a year.

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_01]: She brought up going to Japan as well kind of jokingly when we told her about the trip.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't think she was serious but then she brought it up a few more times

[00:12:46] [SPEAKER_01]: even saying that she had a family member she could stay with.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_01]: She asked if she could spend some time during the days joining us on our adventures

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_01]: while this family member was at work.

[00:12:55] [SPEAKER_01]: I was supportive of this idea as I know this would be her first time to Japan as well

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_01]: and I care about her.

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_01]: However, all of a sudden she told me she wants to get the tickets

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_01]: but her family member no longer will have space for her to stay.

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_01]: She wants to know if she can stay in our accommodations

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and join us on our flight back home.

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I let her know that our accommodation has strict rules against having more than two people

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_01]: and there's only one small bed in the studio.

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_01]: She said she'd be fine sleeping anywhere on the floor or couch etc.

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her that I'd feel more comfortable if we didn't chance a fee

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_01]: or getting in trouble in general as I really just want a comfortable stay.

[00:13:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I tell her we're willing to spend time with her during the day

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_01]: and I began sending her accommodations in her budget.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I was hoping this would be enough

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_01]: but instead she just asked if we can cancel our accommodations

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_01]: and pay for a larger accommodation that can have a bed for her as well.

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Mind you, she's not saying she will help us pay for the more expensive accommodation

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_01]: or anything else for that matter.

[00:13:56] [SPEAKER_01]: She simply just wants to stay with us

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_01]: and for us to pay for a different accommodation.

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_01]: It seems like no matter what I say

[00:14:02] [SPEAKER_01]: she just keeps trying to manipulate me into letting her stay with us.

[00:14:06] [SPEAKER_01]: This is also hard because I know my fiance

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_01]: and I really wanted this to be a romantic trip for us both.

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_01]: As we're likely won't be able to afford another for a few years as we finish school.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just stuck on what to say or do

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_01]: and if I'm the arsehole here

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_01]: should I be okay with my friends staying in our accommodation

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and joining in on our trip?

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_01]: You're not the arsehole currently

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_01]: but if you allow her to come

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_01]: you will be the arsehole.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Just say no to her that you're going on a romantic trip with your boyfriend

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_01]: and that's it.

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_01]: If she continues to push after that

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_01]: gee whiz

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'm skeptical about her initial story

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_01]: about a family member who lives in Japan

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean she was going to come visit you during the days where a family member was at work

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_01]: that would be assuming that this family member lives conveniently

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_01]: next to wherever you're staying

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_01]: otherwise she'd be commuting to you every day

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_01]: and where does this family member live?

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Japan, you know, is a fairly big place right?

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Just didn't make much sense to me

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_01]: if it kind of feels like it's something that Ashley's had in their head for a little while now

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_01]: trying to get a little cheeky freebie out of you

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_01]: well it's not a little freebie

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_01]: it's a very expensive freebie for you too

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_01]: and just simply in this you need to say no

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to pretend it's going to be easy

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_01]: you know we all have to learn to set our boundaries at some point in our lives

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_01]: many people and I'm sure in the comments will say

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah it's absolutely a piece of piss

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_01]: but not everyone finds it as easy

[00:15:30] [SPEAKER_01]: make some people very anxious to do this kind of stuff

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_01]: even simply saying no to something like this

[00:15:35] [SPEAKER_01]: so I totally get it

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_01]: but now's the time my friend

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_01]: do it

[00:15:39] [SPEAKER_01]: but I see dinner says screw that

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_01]: she'd be around you the entire trip

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_01]: every time you and I are making plans

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_01]: she would want to make changes

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and expect accommodations for her

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_01]: and what she wants to do

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_01]: sure way to ruin your trip

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_01]: is to have a third wheel invite herself along

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_01]: hello it's a big country

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_01]: she's welcome to take her own trip

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_01]: but you're doing your own thing

[00:16:00] [SPEAKER_01]: snoozeberry says not the arsehole

[00:16:02] [SPEAKER_01]: this is a chance for you and your fiance

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_01]: to take a once in a lifetime trip together

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_01]: traveling to Japan is expensive

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_01]: if you share accommodation

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_01]: you'll be given up a lot of privacy

[00:16:12] [SPEAKER_01]: you and your fiance would have

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_01]: personally I wouldn't have included Ashley

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_01]: in any of my plans

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_01]: so that's just me

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_01]: your trip would go from a romantic

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_01]: getaway for you and your fiance

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_01]: to a group trip with you, Ashley and your fiance

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_01]: be straight up with her

[00:16:27] [SPEAKER_01]: hello after careful thought you've decided

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_01]: that you and your fiance don't want to share accommodation

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_01]: as you want your privacy

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_01]: that you'll still hang out with her

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_01]: for a couple of days

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_01]: though she will still have to get her own accommodation

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_01]: look away please says not the arsehole

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_01]: how could someone be that dense

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_01]: she said she'd be fine on the floor

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_01]: while you and your fiance sleep in the bed

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_01]: holy shit

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_01]: does she not see how much of an intrusion that is

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_01]: send her a picture of a tricycle with a slash through it

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_01]: but seriously

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I would say something like

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_01]: listen

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I really value our friendship

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_01]: but I've been planning this trip for a long time

[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I spent a lot of my hard-earned money on it

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_01]: so that my fiance and I can have a nice vacation

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_01]: just the two of us

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_01]: if you don't tell her she can't come

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_01]: you will regret it

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_01]: a lot

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_01]: and one more from even enthusiasm who says

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_01]: can't people just tell the truth

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_01]: how your friends is a romantic trip for two

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and that we cannot accommodate you

[00:17:25] [SPEAKER_01]: because we want to be alone for a romantic trip

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_01]: if you're in Japan while we're there

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_01]: we can make some time to hook up during the day

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_01]: but at night we have plans

[00:17:33] [SPEAKER_01]: and they do not include a third

[00:17:35] [SPEAKER_01]: just be honest it's a romantic trip for two

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_01]: however it's your first trip together as a couple

[00:17:40] [SPEAKER_01]: and you want to be lovey-dovey and romantic

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_01]: all the beating around the bush and wondering what to say gets old

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_01]: be the adult you are

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and actually use your words and tell her the truth

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_01]: you don't have to be mean about it

[00:17:52] [SPEAKER_01]: but you don't want a third wheel

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_01]: explain that to her in a nice and loving way

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_01]: it's really simple

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_01]: you're making this harder than it needs to be

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_01]: let's move on to OP's update

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_01]: OP says as I'm reading the comments

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_01]: there's a lot saying that I should be upfront about it being a romantic trip

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_01]: when I first told her about the trip

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I did tell her that this is basically going to be our honeymoon

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_01]: I may have said it jokingly to her but I did mean it

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I fiance now I've been talking about going to Japan

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_01]: since we got together eight years ago

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I thought this honeymoon comment

[00:18:22] [SPEAKER_01]: as well as me bringing up activities

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_01]: like making our anniversary cake at a shopping Kyoto

[00:18:27] [SPEAKER_01]: clearly set the tone in which I planned this trip to be

[00:18:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I do agree that I should re-clarify that this is a romantic trip

[00:18:34] [SPEAKER_01]: but I feel it uneasy that she'd received this well

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_01]: as she shuts down all my logical reasons

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I was hesitant when she brought up spending some time with us

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_01]: but I thought maybe it was just something nice to do

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I get that's a romantic trip

[00:18:47] [SPEAKER_01]: but my fiance was fine with it

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_01]: and supported her coming along on some of the more normal things

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_01]: like going to Universal

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_01]: since it was only going to be a few days of our trip

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_01]: that she'd want to be with us

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_01]: she originally said she'd only be in Japan a week

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_01]: and she'd need to be with us while her family members were at work

[00:19:05] [SPEAKER_01]: 7am to 5pm ish

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_01]: but now things have changed

[00:19:08] [SPEAKER_01]: and she's saying it could be longer

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I do have troubles with boundaries

[00:19:12] [SPEAKER_01]: and I always want to be the one helping people out when I can

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_01]: but as she's been pushing for the last few hours

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_01]: no matter what I say

[00:19:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I've been getting more upset

[00:19:21] [SPEAKER_01]: I just didn't know if I was being selfish towards a friend in need

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_01]: now I can definitely see this was probably the plan all along

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and she isn't in the tight spot

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_01]: she just wants to use us

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_01]: this realisation does hurt

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_01]: as I thought we'd gotten really close in our shared healthcare major

[00:19:37] [SPEAKER_01]: but I guess she really doesn't care about my feelings

[00:19:39] [SPEAKER_01]: like I care about hers

[00:19:40] [SPEAKER_01]: because ultimately I just didn't want to hurt her

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_01]: she recently got dropped out of our major

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_01]: so I thought she was just really sad

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and needed a pick me up

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_01]: she would absolutely take over that holiday

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I can feel it already

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_01]: it started with that she could be staying with a relative

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01]: and just coming to see you for

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_01]: while they're at work

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_01]: now she needs to spend more time with you

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_01]: then she's going to start taking over your trips

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_01]: restaurants will be picked by her

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_01]: she'll be visiting around your apartment

[00:20:08] [SPEAKER_01]: that you're staying in while she's there

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_01]: you'll have no alone time

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_01]: coolie molly

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_01]: anyway

[00:20:14] [SPEAKER_01]: what do you guys make of this situation

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_01]: the absolute audacity of that person

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_01]: to even ask in the first place

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_01]: I find that weird in itself

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_01]: but what do you guys make of this

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_01]: let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:20:27] [SPEAKER_01]: just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_01]: for getting involved in today's stories

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_01]: to love your support your time

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_01]: always means the absolute world to me

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_01]: so thank you so so much

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_01]: and hopefully I'll see you in the next one

[00:20:38] [SPEAKER_01]: take care

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and much love

[00:21:35] [SPEAKER_00]: yeah yeah yeah okay

[00:21:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I know that today will be a good day