Boyfriend Of 6 Years GHOSTED ME When I Returned From Out Of Town r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Well let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:18] story. Now before we do get into today's first story, I do want to give you a couple of warnings. There is talk of death and injury by a car accident. So if you do want to skip the story,

[00:00:30] please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account from the relationship advice subreddit and says, My boyfriend of 6 years disappeared while I was out of town

[00:00:48] and I don't know what to do. Last Tuesday evening, I, 32F came home from being out of town for 2 weeks for work. My boyfriend, 35M, Nate, was supposed to pick me up from the airport but once I got in,

[00:01:02] I wasn't able to get a hold of him and he never showed up. I was a little annoyed but not too worried because I figured he had fallen asleep. When I talked to him earlier that morning, he said he didn't sleep very well. He didn't sleep

[00:01:15] very well the night before and was going to lay down before he had to come get me. So I called my sister for a ride home. When I got home, Nate was nowhere to be found. I checked the garage as his car was gone.

[00:01:29] So I sent him a text asking where he was and headed upstairs to unpack. When I opened the closet to put my things away, I saw that almost all of his clothes were gone. At this point,

[00:01:40] I started calling him and it just keeps ringing then going to voicemail. I check his office and everything is still there. Everything in the house is still there and in place except

[00:01:51] his clothes and his car. I'm really starting to freak out at this point so I call my sister and she comes over and we both try calling and messaging him and still get no answer.

[00:02:02] His computer and his laptop are both still in his office. I logged onto his computer and my sister his laptop. I know all his passwords but we didn't find anything out of the ordinary.

[00:02:12] So I started searching his desk and found his iPad in the top drawer. I logged into it and checked everything I could think of and found nothing out of the ordinary. My

[00:02:23] sister suggested checking the find my iphone app on his iPad to see if we could find out where his phone was. We logged into the app and see that his phone was pinging in the

[00:02:32] next state over. I started calling him again but still got no answer to my calls or texts. I really start to lose it here. My mind starts going all over the place trying to figure

[00:02:43] out what could be going on. I called the police because I think someone has to have done something to him. The police came out but they said there wasn't much they could do because he hasn't been gone long and his clothes missing was a sign that he left

[00:02:57] on his own volition. Over the last few days I've done everything I can to contact him. He doesn't have any family except for a brother that he cut ties with before I met

[00:03:06] him. I found him online and sent him a message but he said he hasn't seen or heard from Nate in years. I keep checking his phone location and since Saturday morning it has

[00:03:15] been pinging in the same location in the PNW. I took off for work for the rest of next week and my sister and I are flying up there to go to the location his phone is pinging. Has

[00:03:26] anyone ever dealt with something like this before? How do I even confront him? What if he is with another woman? What if he isn't there or worse? I'm so lost and hurt right

[00:03:37] now. My mind is all over the place, I can't think straight. I'm so lost right now. Edits. Yes I have called or messaged all of his friends. None of them have seen or heard from him. I do have access to his bank account as we

[00:03:52] have a joint account but not his business account. He last used his debit card Friday night in town west of Seattle, Washington. He owns his own business but has taken a step back over the last year so he doesn't communicate with him regularly. I haven't heard from

[00:04:07] him since last month. I am 5 months pregnant and we have known for 3 months. He did become a bit reserved and withdrawn since we found out but it's not uncommon for him to do that

[00:04:17] every so often, especially around this time of year. I don't truly believe that he would abandon me and his child. That's just not the type of man he is but I don't know what to think anymore.

[00:04:51] Big fat happy baby says the situation is weird as fuck. Be careful out there, use common sense. If you can get law enforcement involved in your destination, if only for your protection. Username says op buried the lead. She's pregnant and boyfriend lost or is estranged from his

[00:05:11] family. Dude is freaking the fuck out and needs therapy. Mole says has he ever dealt with mental health or serious medical issues? Could he be depressed? Or in a fugue state? This is so strange and I hope you find answers soon.

[00:05:27] Op says nothing like that. I know when he was a young boy he had something really traumatic happen to him. He is missing a finger and has scars all down his leg and torso but he

[00:05:37] refuses to talk about it so I don't press him on it. He is very laid back and stoic, nothing ever bothers or upsets him. However we did find out I was pregnant a couple months

[00:05:48] back and since then I have noticed he seems to be a little more withdrawn and reserved but he gets like that sometimes. Op says good op you deserve answers 100%. Is his ipad linked to any of his messaging

[00:06:02] apps? I'm guessing not since you've already tried looking through it. I know I would be going absolutely crazy and that is easier said than done but try to keep as calm as possible and know that you will get your answers in a few short days.

[00:06:16] This is absolutely unfair, selfish and crazy. So sorry you're going through it. There is obviously something very wrong if he ran away from home and is typically a caring and thoughtful kind person. Also about the childhood trauma thing. I'm sure you asked about it upon first meeting

[00:06:34] him since the finger thing was apparent. Did he just say I don't like to talk about that? I find it absolutely nuts that he has not opened up to you once about it after all

[00:06:45] What has he said to your family and friends which I'm sure have asked about it if they noticed his hand or seen him in a swimsuit? What's he planning to tell his child when they will inevitably ask about it? Keeping it an angry secret doesn't seem sustainable.

[00:06:59] Op says yeah, the first time I asked him about his finger he said something happened when he was younger and he doesn't and has never and will never talk about it. I obviously

[00:07:08] found it odd but in time he would tell me. I've brought it up a couple of times over the relationship and he always just shuts it down. The last time I brought it up was

[00:07:17] the only time he has ever raised his voice at me, so I just left it alone after that. That was almost 2 years ago now. My brother in law asked him about his scars and all he

[00:07:27] said was it was from an accident he had when he was younger. He talks to me about how he is feeling all the time. He's actually really good at communicating his thoughts and feelings.

[00:07:38] He talks to me about his life before he met me but only goes back to when he was around 21. He rarely mentions anything from his childhood or teen years. I know he was in some trouble

[00:07:49] with the law those years because he has a marijuana charge on his record from 2007 and when I went through the case notes he was already on probation when he got that charge

[00:07:57] but I have no idea what for. I found that out this past week as well. Obviously I am missing something but I just don't know what. I never thought he was lying to me or that

[00:08:08] he would lie to me but now I'm questioning if I ever know who he is. OP comes in with her first little small update and says first I want to say thank you to everyone for suggesting the welfare check, especially this user, Muppet Jon Bon Jovi.

[00:08:23] We called the department where his phone is pinging and they have sent someone over to see if they can make contact with him. It's been over an hour and we're still waiting to hear back. I'm hopeful but still have an overbearing sense of dread. All I want

[00:08:36] to know right now is that he is ok and I can figure out everything else later. I just need to know he is ok. Next update. The police were able to do a welfare check and although they were unable

[00:08:48] to make direct contact with him, they spoke to the couple who live at the house. They said they were old family friends and that he was there on Friday and Saturday but that

[00:08:57] he went to the Olympics Sunday morning to go hiking for a couple of days. The officers informed them of what was going on and they told him. They believed he was ok and that

[00:09:06] they would contact me tonight to try and help explain the situation. What does that even mean? I'm even more confused. Our flight to Seattle is at 9.45am tomorrow and at this point we are still going. Hope these people do call but it's been a while now and I

[00:09:23] haven't heard anything. Next update. I think this will be my final update. I have to get ready and get my stuff packed for the flight in the morning. I have just spent the last hour speaking to the

[00:09:35] couple whose house he was at and they against his wishes told me what was going on. They have known Nate since he was 12 years old. He started dating their daughter Ashley when they were in the 6th grade and they continued dating all through middle school and high

[00:09:49] school. Ashley got pregnant toward the end of their senior year and they got engaged. I don't know how to even write this next part. When their son was 1.5 years old, they were involved in an accident with a drunk driver. Nate was ejected from the car and

[00:10:05] Ashley and his son passed away in the accident. She said that he blames himself for it because according to him they were never supposed to be out that night and it was his fault

[00:10:14] they were. She said he withdrew from them and everyone else and that up until last Friday they hadn't heard from him since he left. She has offered to come get my sister and I

[00:10:24] from the airport in the morning and she can try to answer any questions I have while we wait for him to return. She said they know where he is, he is at the spot they spread

[00:10:33] their ashes. She said he told her that he needs to be with his son one more time before he lets him go. I'm honestly in a state of total shock right now. I don't know what

[00:10:43] to think but I know he is in pain and I need to get to him and I can figure everything else out after. Thank you to all the kind people who reached out and offered your suggestions. I honestly don't think I would have this information

[00:10:56] right now if it wasn't for you all. So again, thank you. A couple of top comments on this one, best I can make of it is that to become a father

[00:11:06] again he needed to have closure with the child he had before. I have no idea how to excuse his just taking off on his pregnant girlfriend to do it, abandoning her at the airport and going no contact. That's pretty despicable and not something I'd forgive easily. I mean

[00:11:22] he's put you guys through hell because he couldn't even bother to answer his phone. And what is with taking all his clothes? Just weird. Sorry I guess says it sounds like he may have had a bit of a breakdown, not excusing

[00:11:35] it but this definitely doesn't sound premeditated, more like he had a breakdown over the thought of becoming a father again and he felt he needed closure with the past that he had just sort of abandoned up until now. Ugh, trauma can do absolutely brutal things

[00:11:51] to people and obviously not excusing the behavior because abandoning your girlfriend at the airport and then making her think the most horrific things about you is not excusable really. But who knows what actually went through his mind in that moment. Clearly there's

[00:12:07] some deep seated trauma going on that was triggered by everything that's happening currently and clearly he just needs to seek some kind of professional help for this because otherwise it's going to keep happening time and time again. It felt like a bit of

[00:12:22] a red flag and with everything he's gone through and the trauma he has and now his girlfriend is being pulled into this as well and their child in the future, without some kind of professional help to help him navigate through this I think it's just one of those

[00:12:37] ones that could just happen time and time again. Incredibly sad story and whatever choices you make, whatever path you go down, I do wish you all the best. But now I'm going

[00:12:49] to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:13:15] Now this story is titled, Am I the Arsehole for Kicking Out My Son? Because He Is an Adult and Needs to Leave the Nest. I, 46 male, have 3 biological children, 27 male, 19 male, and 10 female. My two sons I had with my first wife, who passed, and my daughter is with

[00:13:53] my second wife, 39 female. I also have a stepdaughter, 14 female. I currently live with my stepdaughter, daughter, and younger son. Our house is technically 4 bedrooms but the small box room we converted into a study. That leaves 3 decently sized bedrooms. Here is the dilemma, we both agree

[00:14:14] my stepdaughter should have her own privacy from my daughter given the age difference but we do not have another room. My oldest son moved out at 18 with encouragement from me and his stepmother. He had a part time job from 15 and rented a flat. He excelled

[00:14:29] in school and university and now has a well paid job in a decent house. I'm very proud of him. My younger son is 19 and has never worked a day in his life. He has no aspirations

[00:14:41] and did not apply to university. I have tried countless times to explain to him that he can't live with us forever and that he needs to get a job but he lacks all motivation for

[00:14:52] it. When he was 18 I told him I had enough and that if he wasn't out of the house by his 19th birthday, then 6 months away, I would put all of his stuff outside the house and

[00:15:02] lock him out. I hoped that would make him get a job but he didn't. I locked him out on his birthday. I gave him £5000, the same amount I gave to my eldest when he moved out

[00:15:13] and told him that I warned him this would happen. It has been about a month and he hasn't made contact at all. For me this wasn't just about the room but also getting my son

[00:15:23] to survive on his own. The room dilemma was just a nail in the coffin. My wife thinks I may have been hard on him but I told her that he has to learn how the real world works.

[00:15:34] Some people in my family think I'm the asshole for kicking him out because he could still be grieving for his mother. Others say I am not because I'm finally putting my foot down.

[00:15:44] My brother specifically said to me that I'm the asshole and how could I do that to my own son? So, am I the asshole? Edit. I wanted to say a couple of things to clear some things. First,

[00:15:56] I'm not the greatest proofreader and I realized I accidentally said that I didn't give my younger son the £5000. He did get the £5000 along with any money he had saved up before that point from birthdays and Christmas etc. and this has been fixed in the post.

[00:16:12] Second, I tried to get both sons in therapy whilst their mother was terminally ill and once she passed my elder son agreed. My younger son refused to go after she passed.

[00:16:22] I tried to convince him it would be better for him if he went but he continued to refuse. The offer for him to go to therapy has always been open since then and even now I'd pay for

[00:16:32] it if he chose to go. I admit kicking him out on his birthday was cruel and not the best way to go about things but if I hadn't I very much believed he would have just taken what I said for granted

[00:16:42] and continued living with us without looking for work or working and school. Finally, the bedroom situation. The small box room that we converted to a study is very small, you cannot fit a standard kids bed in it let alone a full adult single.

[00:16:58] Which is why we decided to make it a study for the girls to have a quiet space whilst studying. So there were some relevant comments and info. Someone says Info. Given the age difference between your sons, your younger son may have needed a different

[00:17:12] approach to start a healing process. Did you seek therapy or counselling yourself on how to address this properly with your sons? Opie says I did not go to therapy or counselling after the passing of my late wife, it's just not the type of person I am.

[00:17:26] But I do understand and value it as important which is why I encourage both sons to go. Older son, despite still being a kid, wanted to go to an adult therapist because he felt

[00:17:36] the child therapists were condescending. We worked it out and compromised with what we could do. Younger son asked for time off of school, I agreed but he refused everything else. I convinced him to go to therapy once he came back crying too, I'd never send him again.

[00:17:51] He spent about 6 months not at school and spent most of it playing video games. A commenter says thanks for your reply. I try not to be insensitive with my answer. To me it seems as you provided your sons with the tools you thought sufficient to deal with

[00:18:05] the situation at hand but you refuse to be a part of the process. Otherwise I cannot fathom why your son was alone during his only therapy session. As a kid likely below 10 years old,

[00:18:16] same with the decision to let him stay at home for 6 months without further therapeutic assistance. Children are unfit to make these decisions, you should have. If he came to you with a broken ankle

[00:18:27] his opinion on the necessary healing process would not have mattered no matter if it hurt or not. You treating an emotional trauma to the developing psyche of a child differently creates doubt on your proclaimed understanding of therapy. I may be wrong and I can only go with

[00:18:42] the info I have and maybe this is totally unrelated and your youngest just is not ambitious or lazy by nature and needed a kick in the ass. But to me it seems your youngest son has

[00:18:52] unresolved trauma, there may also be a feeling of futility and resentment in his efforts because he can never compare to the oldest son you are very proud of and spent a whole paragraph on

[00:19:02] writing how good he is. Just food for thought for the discussion with your youngest down the road when the dust has settled. I conclude that in the end you punished your son for your parental mistakes, the situation would have warranted a more nuanced approach. You're the asshole.

[00:19:20] OP responded saying I do appreciate that you're not being completely insensitive thank you. I guess you were right that I expected too much from my younger son, I may have compared him too to his older brother, who was a lot more emotionally mature when he was younger,

[00:19:34] when he was my younger son's age, that is my fault. I offered to go with him to therapy, he refused and asked his brother to go with him, his brother agreed, I had no problem with that.

[00:19:45] Apparently the therapist asked his brother to leave the room for a bit to talk specifically to my youngest, but my son wasn't comfortable and started crying and screaming and my eldest

[00:19:54] called me to pick them up early and I did so. He begged me never to go back, I couldn't tell him he had to go back after the distress I saw him in. I tried subtly to suggest therapy throughout

[00:20:05] those 6 months, it made him distressed and upset at the idea. Ironically he doesn't like his brother now, not because of the whole favorite son thing, I genuinely couldn't love one more than the other,

[00:20:17] but because of an unrelated incident when the younger son was 14, and that topic I'm proud of because he practically raised younger son, because I became unable to say no to younger son after my

[00:20:28] wife passed. I did tell him not to be a second parent of younger son because he didn't need that kind of responsibility when there is already so much pressure on him, but he insisted, and he

[00:20:40] maintained his grades and part time job. I'm very proud of the man he is and I cannot fault him at all. Younger son dropped out of school at 16, got an apprenticeship, quit it and has been living with

[00:20:50] us doing nothing since. I do not compare their strengths, there would be no point because their strengths are different in areas. Older son pursued his strengths and despite my efforts younger son

[00:21:00] refused to pursue his. Between the argument where I told him I'd give him 6 months to leave and when I kicked him out, nothing changed in his behavior, which is why I went through with it. You are

[00:21:11] right, I was probably much too hard on him, but I couldn't see a way that he would listen to me without extreme measures. Again, thank you for your politeness in your reply, I really do

[00:21:20] appreciate it. Another commenter says, so 4 bedrooms, it used to be 1 for you and your wife, 1 for older son, 1 for younger son, 1 for the 2 girls. Or was it 1 for 2 sons, bigger age difference

[00:21:33] but hey privacy is just for girls. 1 for you, 2 for girls, 1 to sleep in, 1 to study, have privacy, and now the girls need 3 rooms, 1 each plus 1 to study in. How old was your son when his mother

[00:21:46] died? How old was he when he had a new girlfriend? How old was he when you moved in together and or got married? Opie says, when my first wife died, my younger son was 6, my older son was 14,

[00:22:00] started seeing my current wife about 3 years later, daughter was in accident early on. We moved in together late in my wife's pregnancy, each son had their own room and my step daughter

[00:22:10] was in a crib in the box room. My older son was 17, I moved out the next year when my daughter was a few months old. Another commenter says have you tried to get in contact with him?

[00:22:22] This doesn't seem like a situation where if you give him space he'll contact you on his own. Opie says if he wants to reach out to me he can, he's an adult he will reach out if he wants to.

[00:22:33] I do know where he is, I still pay for his phone and his phone has a tracker on it. I know it's him as my son covertly checks on him without him knowing. Younger son doesn't

[00:22:43] get on with older son, I have a friend that my younger son doesn't know who owns a bar and a flat above it. The tenants recently moved out and as such have a vacancy. I reached out to them as

[00:22:54] I discovered my son happens to attend that bar quite frequently along with other bars in the area and asked if they could give him a job, the minimum wage for his age and let him live in the

[00:23:04] upstairs flat if I paid the rent for it on the condition that they don't tell him I'm the one paying for it and that he believes he is allowed to live there because he is working there for a

[00:23:13] lower wage. She agreed but have yet to see him this week. He's fine, my older son checked on him yesterday. And we do have a further update in a moment but this left me with questions,

[00:23:24] the unrelated incident when younger son was 14 with a brother so he no longer talks to him, the attitude of if he wants to reach out to me he can. It rubbed me the wrong way I have to say,

[00:23:38] the son not wanting the dad at his therapy session, it just felt like there was some missing info here. I know some people could be like oh he's 19 he was an adult he should be able

[00:23:49] to do this but I can honestly say I wouldn't have gone down that path at all. But kicking out your son, bang on his 19th birthday like that, the way the story read for me it just felt like you didn't

[00:24:00] have enough room in your house so you know you gotta go. But OP came in with her update and says I don't know if anyone will see this or if anyone was interested in how things played out

[00:24:09] but here we go. Hey guys it's been a minute. About 8 months ago I made a post on this subreddit explaining the situation with my youngest son. I thought it was about time for an update. If you

[00:24:21] read some of my comments you would already know that I intended on getting him a job without him knowing that I got him the job. I asked my friend who owned the pub and she gave me the job as well

[00:24:31] as the flat above the pub, as a temporary home, I was paying the rent. Long story short it worked and he worked at the pub for a few months until he was fired and kicked out. My older son found my

[00:24:43] original post and told me that I left out a lot of important details about my younger son and the events in general, which he said painted me as the asshole and my younger son like an angel.

[00:24:54] I told him that although my younger son is flawed he's not evil. As a result I got into an argument with my older son. While my younger son was working at the pub I called him, I still paid his

[00:25:06] phone bill telling him that he's welcome to move back in as I promised he could stay if he found a job. He said he doesn't need to because then he had his own place. When he was fired he called me

[00:25:18] and I told him he could move back in if he continued looking for jobs. He agreed, the room issue wasn't an issue anymore because we moved for unrelated reasons. People were convinced that my

[00:25:28] eldest could stay in the study room but didn't seem to understand it was barely big enough to fit a small desk and chair, it would not fit a bed or a mattress. He's keeping true to his word and

[00:25:39] has started working part time at a shop to save up money. We don't charge him rent or for food. Now my older son won't talk to me because I let my younger son move back in and my stepdaughter

[00:25:50] is taking my older son's side. My wife is also leaning towards them but is more neutral and my daughter doesn't care in the slightest. It's mellowing out and I hope everything calms down

[00:26:00] between them soon. Just a final note on this update, that some people in my previous post believed I was unfaithful to my wife in her last days. I could never imagine doing that to her.

[00:26:11] My current wife and I met shortly after my first wife passed in a support group for grieving spouses. We ended up finding comfort in each other and my daughter was born out of a one time

[00:26:23] thing. We didn't get married until much later. We both recognized that we loved our first spouses immensely and have photos of both my first wife and our first husband on our walls in remembrance.

[00:26:34] If anyone has any questions about the situation, I'll try to answer as many as I can. Back in the house now and taking up space or is it for other reasons? I'm not sure.

[00:27:13] What do you guys make of this situation? What do you think is going on? Help me please. Let us know down in the comments below. I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.