Am I Wrong For Secretly RECORDING My Dads Girlfriends Strange Behaviour r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and says, would I be the arsehole for secretly recording my dad's girlfriend?

[00:00:30] I'm male 20 and I was a former foster kid. I was never adopted before I aged out, but I was placed with Joe when I was 10. We were long term matched by the time I was 14. Joe's the only real family I've ever had and I consider him my dad.

[00:00:47] Even though the whole adoption thing never happened. When I first moved in with Joe, he was married but his wife passed away suddenly when I was 12. That was tough on both of us, but we managed to get through it together.

[00:01:00] Now Joe's been dating his girlfriend, Sarah, for about two years. She didn't come over much and when she did, it was pretty brief. But three weeks ago she moved into our house because she lost her job and couldn't afford rent anymore.

[00:01:14] I don't know if she was always like this or if moving in has brought out a different side of her, but Sarah's been acting really strange. Whenever Joe isn't around, she completely ignores me, like won't even look at me when I speak, won't answer questions, nothing.

[00:01:31] At first I thought it might be some kind of anxiety thing, but now it's started getting worse.

[00:01:36] For example, when Joe's at work and I'm in the lounge watching a movie, she'd come in and start blasting TikToks on her phone or playing music, totally disregarding the fact that I'm there.

[00:01:47] When I asked her to turn it down, she just flat out ignores me. And it's not just the ignoring that's the problem.

[00:01:53] She started saying some pretty nasty stuff about me too.

[00:01:57] She's FaceTimed her friend while I was in the room and talked about how lazy I am and how I don't contribute anything to the household.

[00:02:06] Yesterday I was sitting on the sofa watching the new Deadpool movie and she came and sat across from me, FaceTiming her friend again.

[00:02:13] She started talking about how she and Joe were trying for a baby and how excited they are because neither of them had children before.

[00:02:21] Those exact words.

[00:02:23] It felt like a slap in the face.

[00:02:25] I know Joe wouldn't have said something like that because he considers me his son.

[00:02:29] So either she's making it up or I don't even know what.

[00:02:34] I haven't told Joe about the things she's been saying to her friend because I don't want to mess up his first real relationship since his wife died.

[00:02:41] But this situation is seriously eating me up inside.

[00:02:45] I mentioned the situation to a few people and a couple of them suggested that I secretly record her behavior when Joe isn't around so that he can see what's really going on.

[00:02:54] It seemed like a good idea at first.

[00:02:56] But when I talked to one of my close friends about it, he said that secretly recording her could just make things worse.

[00:03:02] He thinks it might make Joe feel like I'm going behind his back and could cause even more tension.

[00:03:08] Especially if Sarah twists it to make me look bad.

[00:03:11] So would I be the asshole if I secretly recorded her to show Joe what she's really like?

[00:03:16] Or should I just avoid it altogether?

[00:03:18] I don't want to seem like I'm trying to sabotage his relationship.

[00:03:22] But I'm not sure what else to do.

[00:03:25] So it just feels like, from what you said, she just wants you out of the house and she wants the house to herself and to him, etc, etc.

[00:03:33] All I can say is you need to talk to Joe about this.

[00:03:36] Whether you secretly record or not is up to you.

[00:03:39] Maybe you record and you just keep that as a backup if Joe doesn't believe you for whatever reason.

[00:03:44] There's always the chance, like we've seen in previous stories, that Joe is going to side with his girlfriend.

[00:03:49] And I think, you know, it sounds horrible to say, but you need to be ready for that just in case at the same time.

[00:03:56] But you need to remember for yourself, these are consequences of her actions, not yours.

[00:04:01] She's the one that's treating you this way.

[00:04:03] You're not ruining their relationship.

[00:04:05] She's going to be doing that herself if Joe stands with you on this.

[00:04:08] Which, hopefully, he does.

[00:04:10] I'm really hoping for you, OP.

[00:04:12] But November says, you need to talk to Joe.

[00:04:15] You can record it in case he doesn't believe you, but you need to talk to him ASAP.

[00:04:19] You might also have to work on your exit plan in case it backfires.

[00:04:23] Which it can.

[00:04:24] People in love do strange things at times.

[00:04:27] OP replies saying, I don't think Joe would ever kick me out, but you're right.

[00:04:31] I should have a backup plan just in case.

[00:04:33] Carl says, so many parents kick out kids when a new relationship forms and the kid doesn't get on with a new spouse.

[00:04:39] Don't be blindsided by something that is a huge possibility.

[00:04:44] You're an adult.

[00:04:45] Joe's girlfriend could have the very easy argument that you're an adult and need to move out so they can work on furthering their relationship.

[00:04:52] Having a child together would absolutely be a reason you would side with her.

[00:04:56] Not the arsehole.

[00:04:57] Out of curiosity, you have only explained that you lounge and watch TV.

[00:05:01] Are you contributing to the household in any way?

[00:05:04] If Joe's girlfriend is contributing to the household, I can see why she would have an issue floating you.

[00:05:10] OP says, well, I'm still at college.

[00:05:13] Americans would call this high school, but it's summer.

[00:05:16] As a foster care leaver, Joe is paid £300 per week by the government to support me until I finish.

[00:05:21] This will carry on until I finish university or until I'm 25, whichever is first.

[00:05:26] I also get universal credit, which I use for most of my expenses.

[00:05:30] OP also says, high school usually ends at 18 here, but I've also had to redo some learning that I missed.

[00:05:38] Huge Lime says, get your arse off the couch and contribute to the home.

[00:05:43] Seems to me you're too stupid to realize that you'll pick his girlfriend slash bedmate over a 20-year-old taking up space and pissing off his hot girlfriend.

[00:05:51] You don't realize it, but unless you start contributing, your days are numbered.

[00:05:54] So you're off school for the summer. Why don't you have a job to go to every day instead of sitting on your arse on the couch?

[00:06:01] OP responded saying, who hurt you?

[00:06:04] Lime responded saying, nobody hurt me.

[00:06:06] I did have enough common sense to get my arse off the couch and not play video games as a 20-year-old

[00:06:10] and bitch about somebody who was actually contributing to the household.

[00:06:14] If he doesn't believe the girlfriend is more important to Joe than he is, he has blinders on.

[00:06:19] Just wait until she has a baby.

[00:06:21] He needs to wake up and get his arse off the couch and contribute to the family.

[00:06:25] 20 years old is not the time to be sitting on the couch playing video games.

[00:06:28] Get a job.

[00:06:30] And there were some people questioning Lime, that user, saying, is that the girlfriend?

[00:06:35] But no one could prove that, of course.

[00:06:37] Automatic Mirror says, it's time to fly out of the nest.

[00:06:40] Find a job and slash your college.

[00:06:43] Build your own life.

[00:06:44] You're an adult, young, male, with lots of opportunities.

[00:06:48] Sorry, I guess, responded to that saying, this young man didn't have a stable home until

[00:06:52] he was 10.

[00:06:53] He went through a traumatic childhood and his life trajectory is not the same as most people's.

[00:06:58] So developmentally, it may be important for him to take a little longer to feel safe

[00:07:02] and confident.

[00:07:03] Hell, he's still finishing his secondary education due to those complications and you

[00:07:07] have literally no idea what opportunities he does or doesn't have.

[00:07:11] As long as his father is happy to have him there, who are you to tell him he needs to

[00:07:16] leave home?

[00:07:16] What a shitty, presumptuous thing to say.

[00:07:20] Silent Prune says, going to school isn't contributing to the household.

[00:07:24] Doing chores, taking out the trash, preparing dinner, doing laundry, sweeping the floors,

[00:07:29] vacuuming, doing repairs around the house.

[00:07:31] Contributing is the sustainment of your family's home and health of it.

[00:07:35] So it doesn't burden others.

[00:07:37] That's responsibility.

[00:07:39] If she finds herself or Joe doing all this, then I would be annoyed as well.

[00:07:43] You're an adult and as an adult, you should be contributing without being told the responsibilities

[00:07:47] of maintaining the home.

[00:07:49] I would say getting a job is well at your age.

[00:07:52] Many folks go to school and have a part-time job.

[00:07:54] But if that's not the case, you can help around the house.

[00:07:56] I guarantee if you're doing those things, Joe and possibly her will have a different

[00:08:01] positive opinion of you.

[00:08:03] I don't know.

[00:08:04] I thought that was a bit harsh in my opinion.

[00:08:06] I kind of agreed with the previous comment about, you know, that he didn't really have

[00:08:11] a stable home until he was 10.

[00:08:13] It may take him a bit longer to work on things.

[00:08:15] And if his dad is behind him on this, what does it matter?

[00:08:18] It feels to me that your friend isn't angry about OP not contributing.

[00:08:22] It just feels like she wants him out the house.

[00:08:24] I've seen one too many stories of it.

[00:08:26] You know, it might not be the case.

[00:08:27] I guess we're going to find out in the update.

[00:08:30] And I do believe that people should have responsibility around the house as well, should be contributing

[00:08:35] to the house, which OP may or may not be doing.

[00:08:38] Let's find out in the update, which says, I decided to talk to Joe directly instead of

[00:08:44] secretly recording Sarah.

[00:08:46] I thought it'd be more mature, sensible and non-confrontational to handle things face

[00:08:51] to face.

[00:08:52] My mindset was that if he didn't take it seriously, then I'd consider recording to show him what

[00:08:56] was really going on.

[00:08:58] When Joe got home from work, I asked him to talk privately in my room.

[00:09:01] He seemed a bit confused at first, but made it clear that I wasn't trying to sabotage his

[00:09:06] relationship.

[00:09:07] I just needed to tell him that some things Sarah was doing were making me uncomfortable.

[00:09:11] I reminded him about how she ignores me and mentioned how she plays videos while I'm

[00:09:16] watching TV.

[00:09:17] But when I told him, she said that he didn't have any children and that they were trying

[00:09:21] for a baby.

[00:09:22] He looked really upset.

[00:09:24] It felt a bit awkward, but Joe called Sarah into the room to talk with us.

[00:09:28] He asked her if what I said was true, and she immediately denied it.

[00:09:33] You could see from her body language that she was lying.

[00:09:36] I'm not sure if she just never expected me to say anything about how she's been treating

[00:09:39] me or what.

[00:09:41] Joe firmly told her that this is my house, not hers, and that while she's a guest here,

[00:09:45] she can't be disrespecting me.

[00:09:47] Things got a little heated, and in the end, she apologized to me.

[00:09:51] Joe was through gritted teeth.

[00:09:53] I accepted the apology, even though I'm not sure it was genuine.

[00:09:57] After that, Joe asked if I was still comfortable with her staying with us.

[00:10:01] I said I was because I didn't want to break them up.

[00:10:04] I just wanted to tell him what was happening.

[00:10:06] However, she decided to stay at her friend's house for the night, which made the situation

[00:10:10] feel even more tense.

[00:10:12] I can tell Joe is really upset now, and I feel super guilty for making him feel this

[00:10:16] way.

[00:10:17] He insists it's not my fault, and we ended up having kebabs for tea.

[00:10:21] But even so, I can't shake the feeling that I've caused a huge fight between them.

[00:10:26] Joe went to bed early, and now I'm stuck feeling bad about the whole situation.

[00:10:30] I just hope that whatever happens next, things will settle down.

[00:10:34] Thank you, everyone.

[00:10:36] And OP, let's just reiterate, you didn't make him feel this way.

[00:10:40] Sarah's making him feel this way with the way that she's been acting towards you.

[00:10:44] This isn't your fault.

[00:10:45] She's the one who went down this path.

[00:10:47] She could have communicated with Joe if she wanted to.

[00:10:50] She could have talked to you about how she's feeling.

[00:10:51] She chose not to.

[00:10:52] She chose to be petty about it.

[00:10:55] Now she's getting the consequences of her actions.

[00:10:58] Am I expecting her behavior to change?

[00:11:01] In all honesty, I don't think it will.

[00:11:03] But hopefully.

[00:11:05] And I think you should just keep an open dialogue with Joe about how you're feeling and what's going on.

[00:11:11] You know, the doors are open now.

[00:11:12] You keep talking about it because Joe doesn't want you feeling uncomfortable in your own home.

[00:11:18] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:11:20] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:11:23] Do you think Sarah will change or not?

[00:11:26] What would you do if you was OP?

[00:11:28] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:11:31] And let's move on to another story.

[00:11:33] Now our next story comes from Maternal Delivery 92 who says,

[00:11:38] I leave on a trip.

[00:11:40] My girlfriend dates another guy and dumps me because I opened up emotionally eight months ago.

[00:11:46] The night before I leave for a week-long trip helping a youth summer camp,

[00:11:50] my girlfriend calls me saying we need to take a break.

[00:11:53] I'm very surprised but I said I'm listening and that we should have a serious conversation about this when I get back in a week.

[00:12:00] She agrees to this but says we should not contact each other all week.

[00:12:03] I found this weird but agreed to it.

[00:12:06] It would be hard to contact her anyways as I would have poor cell service and would be very busy.

[00:12:15] After I get back, she breaks up with me instead of having the conversation we agreed to.

[00:12:19] I'm left so confused and unresolved that I end up guessing her Discord password.

[00:12:24] We shared lots of accounts and passwords and read messages between her and her friend saying she went on a date with her lab partner while I was gone.

[00:12:31] She also lied to her friends saying that we already broke up.

[00:12:35] She told her friends not to tell me even though her friends thought we already broke up.

[00:12:40] She explains to them how eight months earlier I opened up emotionally crying explaining how I was depressed etc.

[00:12:47] She said it was an awful experience.

[00:12:49] She literally linked this Reddit post in her girl's Discord saying,

[00:12:53] Is this me?

[00:12:54] And her friends say,

[00:12:55] Of course not, etc.

[00:12:57] Then they proceed to convince her she needs to break up with me instead of talking to me.

[00:13:02] I was thinking all week about what we were going to discuss but we never even got to have the conversation.

[00:13:07] I'm so confused.

[00:13:09] How did our three year relationship end when I left for a week?

[00:13:13] The reason she gave for breaking up with me is that I am emotionally unavailable.

[00:13:17] That is not entirely false.

[00:13:19] Emotional openness is certainly not one of my strengths.

[00:13:22] But we had talked about this many times before and I felt like I was making progress.

[00:13:27] But who cares?

[00:13:28] Our relationship of three years is gone.

[00:13:30] For a reason that doesn't seem to make sense.

[00:13:33] We planned our engagement, getting married.

[00:13:36] We talked about where we could live together and both go to grad schools, finances, etc.

[00:13:41] I'm going to tear myself apart thinking about what could have happened the week I was gone to cause all this.

[00:13:46] I want to desperately understand and for her to be honest.

[00:13:49] But I know I can't force it.

[00:13:51] I agreed with her that our emotional relationship was far from perfect.

[00:13:55] But why wouldn't she talk about it before making such impetuous decision?

[00:14:00] If she had moved across the world then I'd be able to move on.

[00:14:04] But so much of our lives were intertwined.

[00:14:06] I'll see her every week at church and our friend groups are the same so I'll see her constantly.

[00:14:10] I just want to have some closure and understanding.

[00:14:13] But she doesn't even want to talk to me.

[00:14:15] Sorry for the rant.

[00:14:17] I don't know what to do.

[00:14:19] Casticle says you got lucky.

[00:14:21] That's not a woman you want to marry.

[00:14:23] Weird tale says exactly.

[00:14:26] It's better that he found out how she is before they got further into their relationship.

[00:14:30] That would have been worse.

[00:14:32] Multibit Driver says sometimes by the time a relationship officially breaks up,

[00:14:36] one of the partners has been quietly leaving for a while already.

[00:14:39] Checking out mentally.

[00:14:41] In retrospect, were there signs of that?

[00:14:44] Or did it come completely out of the blue?

[00:14:47] Hopi says there were definitely signs.

[00:14:49] I just assumed that since we're having such serious discussions of marriage

[00:14:53] that we both accept they were going to keep working through the issues together

[00:14:56] and make our relationship amazing.

[00:14:59] I just don't understand why she didn't at least talk to me beforehand.

[00:15:03] Ever since I came back she just seemed like a completely different person.

[00:15:07] I know she wants to be honest with me

[00:15:08] but it's just pushing me away right now.

[00:15:12] The OP came in with her update a month later and says

[00:15:15] I'm very well aware this is going to sound unbelievable.

[00:15:19] A few weeks ago my ex-girlfriend texted my parents

[00:15:21] explaining how a close friend of hers died in a climbing accident.

[00:15:25] My parents asked for this person's name to see if they knew them

[00:15:28] and it quickly became clear that it was the guy she cheated on me with who died.

[00:15:33] She said she wanted some prayer and she didn't know who to talk to.

[00:15:37] Obviously it's really weird for my ex-girlfriend to be contacting my parents.

[00:15:41] My dad's first reaction was questioning if what she was even saying was even true.

[00:15:46] Shortly after an article popped up confirming what she said was true.

[00:15:50] A few days after she reached out to me and asked if we could talk.

[00:15:54] I agreed.

[00:15:55] We ended up having a phone call for about two and a half hours

[00:15:58] and I think overall it was quite fruitful and cathartic.

[00:16:02] However, I held back a lot of what I wanted to say

[00:16:04] because of the fact that she was in grief over what is an objective tragedy.

[00:16:09] Obviously I'm hurt beyond words that she would go behind my back in such a manner

[00:16:13] and I really wanted to tell her honestly how this betrayal had impacted me.

[00:16:17] But I didn't because I felt like it would be too much

[00:16:19] given the already heavy nature of our conversation.

[00:16:22] She gave me a really sincere apology for the date she went on

[00:16:26] and it meant a lot to me that she did.

[00:16:28] She also told me that they were continuing to see each other.

[00:16:31] I found this heartbreaking and confusing

[00:16:33] and what I neglected to say however

[00:16:35] is that it seems her continuing to see him after we broke up

[00:16:38] undermines her apology.

[00:16:40] Is this interpretation accurate?

[00:16:41] How could she be so deeply sorry that she cheated on me

[00:16:44] yet continued to see this guy afterwards?

[00:16:47] Today was our anniversary.

[00:16:49] I've not known such a deep and profound betrayal

[00:16:51] from a person I love so much.

[00:16:53] Hope I can learn to love again one day.

[00:16:57] Last friend comes straight in after that pose

[00:17:00] and says she apparently lost all respect for OP

[00:17:02] when, from clutching my pearls as I type this

[00:17:04] because of the abject horror,

[00:17:06] he was vulnerable with her and actually cried.

[00:17:09] Had to sit down after reading that

[00:17:11] and fan myself like a Victorian lady.

[00:17:13] I never understand women like this,

[00:17:15] especially when they're in a long-term relationship.

[00:17:18] The whole real men don't cry is so shit

[00:17:20] and such an outdated opinion.

[00:17:22] Let's have men internalize their emotions

[00:17:24] until it manifests as depression or physical illness.

[00:17:29] That's healthy.

[00:17:30] It would never occur to me to think less of a man

[00:17:32] because they opened up emotionally to me in a relationship.

[00:17:35] Hell, I'd be more offended if they didn't.

[00:17:37] The kicker is that she broke up with him

[00:17:39] because he wasn't emotionally available to her.

[00:17:42] Make up your mind.

[00:17:44] You either want someone who shows real emotion

[00:17:46] and connection with you or you don't.

[00:17:48] You can't pick and choose which emotions your partner shows.

[00:17:52] Unfair Explanation says,

[00:17:54] When I was younger,

[00:17:55] I had an ex-cheat on me with a co-worker.

[00:17:57] Ben did pretty amicable though.

[00:17:59] I'm the type of person who doesn't let these things bother them

[00:18:01] and carried on with my life as normal.

[00:18:04] She got into a relationship with this guy

[00:18:06] and moved into his place.

[00:18:07] He then began to physically and emotionally abuse her.

[00:18:10] She messaged me asking if she could stay at mine

[00:18:12] because she had nowhere to go.

[00:18:14] Bad relationship with parents.

[00:18:16] I told her to ring the police

[00:18:18] and gave her the address for a woman's refuge in our area.

[00:18:21] My parents and friends all said I was heartless

[00:18:23] and she was still a human.

[00:18:25] I still don't feel bad.

[00:18:27] Edit.

[00:18:27] To further add to the story,

[00:18:29] she was also a compulsive liar too.

[00:18:31] This is one of the reasons

[00:18:32] she had strained relationships with her friends and family.

[00:18:35] I wouldn't give her $500 once

[00:18:36] when she blew through her wages one month

[00:18:39] and she told everyone I was financially abusing her.

[00:18:42] I really wouldn't be surprised

[00:18:44] if the real story was the guy

[00:18:45] that had enough and just kicked her out

[00:18:47] and she made up the story about being abused to get sympathy.

[00:18:50] I'll never know the true story.

[00:18:52] I blocked her after all this.

[00:18:54] I now live in a different country

[00:18:55] and have no idea what she's doing with her life.

[00:18:58] I honestly hope she's sorted out all her demons,

[00:19:00] got some help and is living her best life.

[00:19:04] Lumpy Philosopher says you did help her.

[00:19:06] Perhaps not in the way she asked or hoped

[00:19:08] but you gave her the information to help herself

[00:19:10] and you weren't cruel about it.

[00:19:12] I think that was a mature and decent thing to do

[00:19:14] while also protecting yourself emotionally.

[00:19:17] Proposed Grey says you're a better person than I.

[00:19:20] It's a tragedy, no doubt.

[00:19:21] The most polite I could be would say,

[00:19:24] I'm sorry but I'm not the right person

[00:19:26] to grieve about this too.

[00:19:27] It's sad her life was lost

[00:19:28] but she did a horrible thing to you too.

[00:19:31] You can't be expected to carry her heartache.

[00:19:33] You're definitely a bigger person

[00:19:35] to be able to sit through that conversation.

[00:19:38] But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys.

[00:19:41] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:19:44] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:19:47] And just a huge thank you

[00:19:49] from the bottom of my heart for being here today.

[00:19:51] Your love, your support, your time.

[00:19:53] It always means the absolute world to me.

[00:19:55] So thank you so, so much for being involved

[00:19:57] and hopefully I will see you in the next one.

[00:20:00] Take care and much love.